Of Wolves and Bears
by Lineia
Summary: In two months' time, Jacob has shifted into a gigantic wolf and imprinted onto a gigantic vampire. What else has fate in store for him ? Follow as they are brought together, before being ripped apart, and being brought together anew. Slash, MPreg, Warnings inside. Loosely follows the storyline.
1. Freaky Friday

**OF WOLVES AND BEARS**

_**Disclaimer : The characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer. No profit is made out of this story. I reserve all copyrights for this story ! I have read many stories, and use some for inspiration, don't be surprised if there's a passage you recognize! Please make sure you read the warnings at each chapter to avoid reading anything you don't like! Enjoy!**_

_**I'm dedicating this story to all the homosexuals out there, who, like me, have or are struggling, have been or are being bullied, and in general are put aside because of their supposed 'difference'.  
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_"Two households, both alike in dignity,_

_In fair [America], where we lay our scene,_

_From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,_

_Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean._

_From forth the fatal loins of these two foes_

_A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;_

_Whole misadventured piteous overthrows_

_Do with their death bury their parents' strife._

_The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,_

_And the continuance of their parents' rage,_

_Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,_

_Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;_

_The which if you with patient ears attend,_

_What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."_

-W. Shakespeare, _Romeo and_ Juliet, The Prologue.

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A/N: Here I go again! It is mainly going to be Jacob's point of view. Changes in POV will be indicated. **Please tell me what you want/think/expect!** This story is going to go through angsty stuff, romantic stuff, erotic stuff, kinky stuff. I'll make sure to warn you at the beginning of each chapter.

A/N 2: I'll update every week or so depending on how busy I am. I have a lot of work at university, a colourful social life, and two stories to run, but I'll do my best ! I also want to recommend the following authors (in order of preference): Elfprincess8, Hank's Lady, Ant1gon3.

**No warnings.  
**

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Chapter I: **Freaky Friday**

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"Hey Bella!" I exclaimed. She was stunning, in a blue dress. Even with a cast she was incredibly ... perfect. It was Friday, the day of Bella's prom.

"Hey Jake!" She answered back, a dashing smile illuminating her face.

"Wow, you look ... Wow!" I exclaimed, before cursing myself for babbling like bumbling baboon.

"You don't look half bad yourself." She complimented, and I could feel heat diffuse in my cheeks. She added "So you're crashing the party?"

"Um ... Please don't kill me ... My dad paid me to come talk to you... Twenty bucks."

Her smile faded, and I cursed myself; what I said was like declaring I didn't want to see her... Fuck my life!

"Well, what does Billy want me to know?" Her voice had a cold tingle not previously present. This wasn't going as I had planned. At all! My fantasy took over. I could see her inviting me in, dancing together, kis-

"Jacob?" She interrupted my train of thoughts

"Oops, sorry. Please don't kill me... He wants... Dad wants you to break it up with your boyfriend. He said, quote 'we will be watching' "

I could see the fake smile slide in as she plastered it on her face. "Well, tell your dad ... thanks, and to pay you." She got up, and I sprang forward to help her, but before I could, a cold menacing voice rose from behind me.

"Jacob. I'll take care of Bella." The white boyfriend appeared from nowhere, addressed me a pointed glare, and took hold of Bella, neither of them addressing me so much as a word or a look. I could feel my heart sink to the bottom of my shoes. Crap. So she was still with the Cullen, I was still left alone, but now she hated me. This couldn't get any better...

Before turning to leave, I heard the Cullen boy mutter "I leave you alone for one second and the wolves come running..." What? Wolves? I was the wolf?

Utterly disappointed, I turned around, feeling all my fantasies shatter and be left behind. I knew I never should have taken the twenty bucks from my dad. I knew it! Fuck it all to hell! I slowly walked back to the rez'. I had a least an hour walk ahead of me, I could only hope it would be enough to cool me down before I got back to dad...

I noticed my jaw was clenching hard, and I relaxed. What did I expect? That she would leave everything and come running to my arms? Of course not, she never had seen me in a ... romantic way, that was for sure. But I would make her! Hell would freeze over before Jacob Ephraim Black accepted defeat!

With my new-found conviction I started formulating a plan. Well, I tried anyway... Nothing much came... I had to admit that I'd never been one for thinking. I was more of an 'acting' kind of guy.

I guess I'll just have to invite her to the rez' and see what comes out of it. I'll invite her to ... ... ... uh, to what? Fix cars? Freeze on the beach? Take her to Sam and his disciples for some cliff-diving? Mud pies? I chuckled to myself, yeah! Right! Mud Pies, good one, Jake! If you want to make her run to her Cullen mud pies is definitely the way to go...

I felt despair slowly creep up on me. I didn't even know Bella anymore, it's like we were two strangers, two 'star-crossed lovers'. Shake-fucking-spear! I was the star crossed lover, she was the ... bewitched princess by the evil prince...

I had never understood the hatred my father had for the Cullens. One had stolen my Bella, granted, but that wasn't particular to the family. So why does dad hate the Cullens? I knew the legends, of course, but I also knew that's all they were, legends! It's not like that Cullen boy was a 'cold one' ready to murder every one. And I certainly didn't have any relation close or distant to a damned wolf. Me! A wolf's descendant! Anyone heard of Darwin and the Evolution? I may live in the rez' but I still go to school for Hell's Sake! We're descending from apes... Ew, not a pleasant thought Jake. Big, hair, black, hideous ... things!

Anyway, Dr. Cullen had always been very nice to all of us who ended up at the hospital. Billy even requested that he be the one to take care of us! How could they be that terrible when the father treated us, they all went to school, there never had been any problem. So it didn't really make any sense. But I hated them nonetheless. I guess that's just how I had been educated.

For some reason dad didn't want Bella to date the Cullen. I can't say I disagreed with that, but maybe not exactly for the same reasons... Or at least not only the same reasons. But I felt like there was something dad wasn't telling me. I had never seen him angry, except when the Cullens were mentioned. It's like they had killed someone and only he knew about it, but couldn't tell anyone. No sense. No sense whatsoever.

I snorted, I could remember the last time I pried a bit too much in that direction.

'Hey dad, why do you hate the Cullens so much?'

'They're bad, Jake, remember what I told you.'

'You've only told me they're bad, I want to know why.'

'You're too young to understand.'

It was always some stupid excuse like that 'You'll understand one day', 'you'll see, it will all make sense in a few years'. The closest I had ever come to an answer was 'They're dangerous'. Right. The doctor looked like he couldn't harm a fly... The Cullen that dated my Bella was something else though. He looked at me with something close to ... scorn, hatred, disgust. But I didn't even know him!

Then again, I did turn around his girlfriend... If the situation had been reverse I would certainly had done the same, right? Yeah... Anyway, engraved in my mind was Cullen = Bad news. The less I was around them the better.

I mumbled my hatred for THAT Cullen, and my unconditional love for Bella a while. It felt good to whine a bit. Plus there was no one to listen, which meant no one to betray me. I scoffed as I remembered the day my dad had said,

'Jacob hasn't stopped bugging me about seeing you, Bella'. So much for having my back, old man... In a wheelchair and still messing with me...

I immediately felt guilty for that stray thought. Dad was the best dad EVER. I never had had to complain, and I never would. He was all I could ask for. He spoiled me as much as he could afford, he had never raised his voice or his hand once, and was proud of me no matter what. What more could I ask for?

Bella an irritating voice nagged at the back of my head. Yeah, well, that's true, but not possible. The most irritating part was that I didn't see her, and I wasn't allowed to even hope for anything ... but I'll have to fight. I will fight. That said, I immediately took my brand new phone out to text her, only to realize I didn't have her number, and she didn't have mine. Oh yeah, technologically retarded Quileute teen here...

Instead I called the only contact I had on my phone yet – Home. After a few tones, someone picked up.

_"Billy Black"_

"Hey dad it's Jake!"

_"Oh hi Jake! How's your new phone coming?"_

"Great dad!"

_"So, how did you little talk with Bella go?"_

"Great, she hates my guts thanks to your little plan..." I had a hard time keeping the edge out of my voice.

He sighed _"I'm sorry, Jacob..."_

"But you can make it up to me if you tell me you have her cell number."

_"Why didn't you ask her? I thought that would be the first thing you would do!"_

Oops, slipped my mind. Too busy trying to not get myself killed... "Uh, I'm not used to the whole cell phone business yet..." Which was the truth too.

_"I don't have Bella's number, but I have Charlie's, he has it."_

"Why don't you call him and find out? You owe me one." This wasn't turning out too bad after all... I shivered at the thought of having to ask Charlie for his daughter's number. Over-protective much... He would probably have a 24/7 surveillance on me if I did... Or shoot me then ask me why I want it...

_"Alright, Jake, but you won't be able to pull that one off again. I did pay you for your trouble."_

"Sure dad, just call me back when you have it."

_"Right, call you back soon."_ And he hung up.

I strode back home, impatiently waiting for my dad to call back. Well, there wasn't much of a point to be so impatient really, it's not like I would be able to call Bella or anything, she was in the middle of her prom. And anyway Cullen would probably black-list me on her phone or something if he found out... Best text her, more discreet. And fear had nothing to do with this, I just wanted to avoid Bella getting into trouble because of me.

Although, maybe I could make him think something happened between Bella and me, I'm sure he'd drop her right away. Oh but wait, she'd probably castrate me if I did that, and I had plans that actually involved that part of my anatomy. Oh God, just thinking about that got me rock hard. Fuck! Why do I have to be a hormonal teenager? It made everything so much more ... difficult. If I didn't have to use my hand every other night I wouldn't feel so ... dirty, thinking about her that way, using her that way...

No, if I wanted another plan then plainly seducing her, it would have to be covert. Operation 'tear them apart' would have to be a secret black ops. Not that it would be easy. Tearing them apart would be near to impossible seeing how they're stuck together. Like a leech holding for dear life. I shivered, what a disgusting thought! I can't imagine Bella having ... that sucking her blood. Ew! I hate leeches, good thing I've never seen one of these animals before. I felt horrified by those things, even if they do measure less then ten centimetres.

Apocalypse Now by Muse came out from my pocket. I couldn't fumble it open quick enough.

"Hello ?" I asked apprehensively, forgetting there was something called 'caller ID.'

_"Jake, it's me."_

"Oh hey dad ..." Dad gave me Bella's number, which I hastily inserted proudly as my second contact, and after a very quick chat, I hung up.

**To Bella Swan :** _Hey Bells! It's Jake! I have a phone! I know you're busy and all, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come down to the rez' on Sunday and hang out ... Please say yes ! Jake_

Well, I didn't feel very manly after more or less begging her to come, but my fingers were faster then my brain, and I had sent the text before I could say something that wouldn't obliterate my pride...

I clutched the phone firmly, willing an answer to come, willing a 'Yes' to come. As it was I had to wait a full 28 minutes before Bella replied.

**From Bella Swan:** _Wow Jake, a phone? You realized we're in 2012? I'm rly sry, I can't come on Su, I'm invited to the C. all week-end..._

The 'C'? Who the FUCK were the 'C' ? Wasn't it enough that Cullen came between us? Why did these 'C' have to come between us to! Life is unfair! I actually considered asking her who the HELL the 'C' were; but I started to wonder why Cullen would allow here to go see those idiots. That's when I realized Cullen starts with a 'C'. Understanding, feeling of stupidity, and undeniable hatred filled me in quick successions. Of course she was going to the 'C' all week-end!

I don't even know why I was surprised. But never mind, I had lost a battle but not the war, so I texted back

**To Bella Swan:** _Oh :/ [Yeah, I actually knew what a smiley is] when does your school end? We on the rez' are done! Do you have class on Monday ? :D Jake_

This time I got home before a reply came. No sense in wasting time. If she couldn't come Sunday it would be Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday. Did I mention I had no plans for the whole summer except seeing Bella all the time?

I still had to find something cool to do. We always had something to talk about, but there was no way I would let her come see me if I didn't have the coolest plan ever. I needed to impress her. Find something cool. Right. Easy. Very easy. Definitely NOT difficult. I came home distractedly, convincing myself that finding something cool to do with the girl of my life wasn't difficult.

"Hey, Jake."

"Hi dad. How was your day?"

"Not too bad, Sue came over."

"Cool" I said absent-mindedly, before making a bee-line for my bedroom. THAT is when I finally got a reply. The phone was still clutched in what was now a very sweaty hand.

**From Bella Swan:** _Um... My dad is out of town for the whole week, so I'm staying w/ Ed... I'm sry I can't see you next week :'( How abt you come to the C instead on Mon? Ed says Carlisle is ok :)_

Great, abso-fuckingly great! Now if I said no I would be the one refusing to see her. I couldn't explain why I couldn't come either, and now that I invited her I couldn't say I was busy. Plus my dad would probably kill me if I went to the 'C', or put me on a leash or something. Maybe an electronic bracelet if I got lucky.

I could go. I honestly considered it for a second, but then scoffed at how ridiculous that was. I was NOT playing third wheel. The goal was to seduce Bella, not risk mauling her boyfriend out of pure jealousy...

Another option was to pretend to not see the text until it was too late, but Bella would probably just invite me some other day, and I would have the same dilemma. Although I could say I was busy... Yes, that would have to do. It would definitely look suspicious and all, but there was no way I was going near a ten mile radius of the Cullen infested house. I chuckled at the idea that Crappy also started with a 'C' ... Let's go to Crap-Land!

Fuck I felt childish... Since when was I so jealous? And since when did I get so stupid? I shouldn't let this affect me for Heaven's sake!

Somehow, thinking about the Cullen's made me feel warm, hot, boiling. I touched my forehead. Fuck! I was burning up! I felt dizzy, and this strange thing in me started moving again, which didn't help me to calm down a single bit.

"Daaaad !" I yelled out, panicking a bit. I could hear my dad wheeling himself quickly over to my bedroom.

"Jake?" He tentatively opened my bedroom door, and found me writhing in my bed, uncomfortable, gasping for air.

"Jacob!" I could see a flicker of something in my dad's eyes, something I had never seen. Was it fear? Or more pride then he had even expressed? Why the fuck would he be proud about me melting down in my bed?!

"Jacob, don't worry, it's going to be fine! I'm going to go get help, I'll be back in a second, don't worry, it's all going to be alright. Go cool down in the grass outside, don't worry, you're not sick and in no danger." I sprung out of bed, too confused to ask what the hell was happening, and slumped down in the wet grass, groaning in pleasure as I could feel the cold grass seep my warmth away. Fuck cold felt really nice!

I continued to slither in the grass for a while. I could hear my dad talking to someone on the phone. Who did he talk to? Dr. Cullen ?

Thinking about Dr Cullen was too much, I exploded in rage and heat. I jumped up, and pain like I had never felt shot through my bones and muscles! I yelled out in pain, I saw red as pain and hatred filled me.

The next moments were unclear, I can only remember pain, heat. I must have been on the brink of passing out as my whole body was aching.

I slumped down, and I felt something was wrong. Something was VERY wrong. I looked down and saw a gigantic PAW! WHAT THE FUCK! Since when did I have paws?! What? When? How? I – I'm not Jacob anymore! What? How did this happen?

_"Jake, calm down, it's me, Sam, I'll be there in a second to explain everything."_

GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I was going crazy. I saw paws, I was hearing Sam in my head, and I yelled mentally to myself!

_"You're not crazy Jake, calm down, it's alright!"_

THE FUCK IT'S ALRIGHT! I HAVE FUCKING PAWS AND I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY HEAD!

_"Jake! Calm down!"_ Sam was coming out of the woods. Or rather, a giant black wolf was coming out of the woods. Somehow I immediately knew that was Sam. The wolf changed to a naked man, and, sure enough, it was Sam.

"Jacob, it's Sam. Don't worry, it's all going to be alright." And Sam proceeded to explain everything to me, from what I was, to how everything worked and why we were wolves.

When he was done, he paused and sat down, letting me absorb everything. After what seemed like half a second, he continued

"Jacob, you are the grandson of Ephraim Black the legitimate Alpha of the Pack. If you want, you can take the lead. But first, you need to change back to your human form. Concentrate hard on the thought of being human."

For a while I had no idea what he meant. The thought of being human? I am human, right? So why should I focus on the thought of being human? But then I remembered I actually had fur, paws and a snout. So I concentrated on the man I knew, the Jacob on two legs with hair and a perfectly formed body (I did take a lot of pride in my shape).

After a few seconds, I felt myself shift, and I felt that I was standing on two legs. Naked. Wait, what? Naked? I immediately covered myself, and I heard Sam chuckle

"You'll get used to that too after a while, Jake." He had shorts tied around his ankles that he had eventually put on. He was also holding out a pair of shorts for me. I mumbled a thanks and awkwardly put them on under his piercing gaze.

"So, Jake, do you feel ready to take on the leadership?" No, DUH! I didn't even want to be part of his pathetic disciples, but it's like I didn't have a choice! Well, I didn't! I was stuck forever as some brutal, blood thirsty monster, and he was asking me if I want to lead a pack of monster?

"No, I don't want to be part of a pack of..." I almost said monsters "wolves"

"Ok, then you have to follow my lead. I will eventually have to choose a second in command, but that will have to wait. For now I think you have had enough to think about. I'll see you soon, Jake."

"Alright... Uh, thanks... I guess." Sam smirked, stripped, shifted and ran away.

I staggered back to my bed, in a trance. So I was some freak forced to obey to another freak, I had to kill vampires, and I had to always control my rage if I didn't want to harm someone.

Bella.

My heart broke. How could I ever face her again? How could I tell her what I was? Not only had Sam strictly forbidden it, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. And I was dangerous! How could I face anyone again? I could kill anyone I love by simply throwing a fit!

Sam had shown me his memories of the day he had hurt Emily, how could I ever love someone if that was the risk I had to take? Even if I imprinted (Sam had explained all about it), how could I bring myself to be near someone I was supposed to protect if I could harm them anytime? Anyway, who could love me, a dangerous, fucking, BEAST!

I could feel my wolf deep within me. He was a dangerous animal, ready to fight, loving a fight, ready to leap out and hurt someone, forced to obey to Sam forever.

And I hadn't even considered the worst. I was supposed to kill vampires. Could I even kill someone? I knew my wolf would be able to kill, to destroy, to rip apart, like the savage monster he was. But would I ever be able to cope?

Yes. Vampires weren't 'someone' they were 'something'. A vampire is a fucking killing machine, a hundred times worst then me. That the first thing that made sense in all Sam had said. I knew I was born to kill vampires to protect and humans, and kill vampires I would.

I also understood my father's attitude to the Cullens. How could he even consider sending us to Dr Cullen? Why did he ask for Dr Cullen? That was something I would have to ask. Actually, that was something I would ask right away. I went out to the living room, to find my dad deep in his thoughts.

"Dad?"

"Jacob? You alright?"

"Maybe" I mumbled "Dad, why do you ask for a fucking leech to examine us when we go to the hospital?"

"Jacob... The Cullens are ... special. We have a treaty with them. They don't kill humans and we don't kill them. We each have our lands and so far we haven't had problems with them. But you see, I can't really go to any hospital with you. What if they took a blood sample? I can't explain to them why you have wolf chromosomes, Jake! Cullen knows, and he has agreed to help us with that. He keeps our secret and we keep his, simple.

Oh. That made sense, right? Yeah, it did. "Thanks dad." I returned to my bedroom, deep in my thoughts. Sam had told me the Cullen's were special. But they were still leeches... Wait, Bella ! Bella was going out with a vampire! I – I had to tell her!

But no, I couldn't. I couldn't explain to her how I knew, and if I didn't tell her how I knew she would think I'm lying to get her away from Edward... Oh, FUCK ! How did my life get EVEN WORSE ? I was more or less happy, but now everything was FUCKING WRONG!

I am Jacob Black, a freak, born to kill freaks, and the girl I love dates a vampire.

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A/N : Please leave millions of reviews, I want to know if this is worth continuing!


	2. Animal Instinct

_Suddenly something has happened to me  
As I was having my cup of tea  
Suddenly I was feeling depressed  
I was utterly and totally stressed  
Do you know you made me cry  
Do you know you made me die_

_And the thing that gets to me  
Is you'll never really see  
And the thing that freaks me out  
Is I'll always be in doubt  
It is a lovely thing that we have  
It is a lovely thing that we  
It is a lovely thing, the animal  
The animal instinct_

_So take my hands and come with me  
We will change reality  
So take my hands and we will pray  
They won't take you away  
They will never make me cry, no  
They will never make me die_

_And the thing that gets to me_  
_Is you'll never really see_  
_And the thing that freaks me out_  
_Is I'll always be in doubt_

-The Cranberries, _Animal instinct_

A/N : This chapter is dedicated to the group that wrote the previous song. A Million thanks to HeavyHoopla for his beta'ing skills. Special thanks to elfprincess8, whose work I highly recommend, who has helped me tremendously.

**No warnings**

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Chapter II : **Animal instinct**

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Two months. Two months had gone by since I had shifted. It took me one month to acknowledge the fact that I was a shifter, and another month to get used to it. But now I thrived. Every time I shifted I felt as free and happy as my inner wolf.

I had come to accept my pack, my alpha, and they were now my best friends before anything else. It felt right. Obviously this life was the one I had always meant to have, and somehow I had naturally slided into it, discovering it fitted me perfectly after having fought hard against it for neigh in two months.

Things weren't perfect of course. I slept a lot less as Sam insisted on patrol shifts after that vampire with dreadlocks came by. I was always hungry and hot. And I missed Bella.

She had called me once every week for one and a half months, but she had stopped calling. It had been two long weeks since I had last heard from her. Well, I heard the messages she left on my voicemail anyway, as I never answered. I missed her terribly, more so as it was all my fault, or rather, my wolf's fault...

I shivered at the memory of the past two months. Life as a teenager wasn't always fun, but as a shape-shifting teenager ? I spent about two weeks secluded in my bedroom, my father coming in every now and then, talking, prodding, prying. He gave up after a while, I guess receiving grunts as answer from his only son during a whole week was hard for him ...

Questions turned in my head all day long, fear, anger, sadness, too many feelings for a regular person to cope with... After two weeks, I had started realizing I could stay in my bedroom for the rest of my life. As said life still was worth living, I started talking and sleeping again (I had never stopped eating...). Eventually my dad made me realize that I was a shape-shifter, and that it wasn't all bad. I was as fast as a cheetah, and stronger then a bear. I healed ten times faster then a human being, I radiated heat, I could not get sick, and I had a pack to help me.

Of course my father wasn't the only one to coax me out of my depression. Sam stopped by daily, as did Embry and Quil. Paul didn't show his angry head, but I didn't complain. The three of them came at different moments, whether it be to sit in pleasurable silence, or to talk me out of my unceasing grumbling. Sam explained that life as a werewolf was good once the 'shock-period' was over, as he called it. Embry tried hard to get me to laugh again, recounting the several occasions on which he had found himself naked in front of a tribe meeting, in the rez'. Quil was the one who sat down and did not talk, simply patted my shoulder, in understanding and sympathy.

When I started talking and walking again, things got better quite fast, and after the first month I accepted the fact that I was a shape-shifter of the Quileute Tribe. Of course, that did not mean I had to like it, but it was the first step. After an additional period of self-loathing, and of fear of hurting those I loved, Sam got me to phase regularly, showed me a few tricks, taught me to fight, explained how to fight a vampire, how to fight in a pack. He taught me to listen, to get used to have a pack in my head.

The second month was easier, I slowly learnt that I actually loved being a shape-shifter, that there was nothing to be ashamed of; quite the opposite actually, it was a source of immense pride. I was one of the select few to be lucky enough to have 'the gene'. I spent a few weeks getting used to phasing, fighting, fooling around with my pack, bonding with my friends, accepting Sam as my Alpha, starting patrolling.

I also had to learn to remember to tie shorts to my ankle (after a few VERY embarrassing times, the lesson was engraved in my head), I had to learn to control my anger fits, but all that came in time.

What didn't come in time was Bella. Bella who always was on Cullen territory and therefore un-touchable, un-joinable, un-meetable. Well, of course, it was entirely my fault seeing as I refused to answer to my phone. But I did wonder why she hadn't come to the rez. After all, she was kind of resilient, so what stopped her? She was a feisty one, surely she wouldn't let Cullen prevent her from coming because of jealousy! This was the source of a lot of grief, there was only one explanation, she either didn't want to come, or didn't care enough to pop by... I know I would check on a friend who never answers his phone! She had called Billy a few times and he had only said I was 'not well', wasn't that reason enough for her to come? That convinced me that, if Bella didn't care, there was no reason why I should make contact with her, however much I loved her. What was the point of trying to be with someone who didn't even bother to stop by?

Every time I thought about the Cullen I was on the verge of phasing, but considering Bella was on my mind all the time, and, to an extent, Cullen boy, I had learnt to control it more or less. At the start I would phase without having the time to react, which had forced my dad to buy me three new beds... Thankfully that didn't happen anymore. I also understood why I had felt hot and _shifty_ when thinking about Cullen that fateful day of Bella's prom. Wait – the prom ! What was it Cullen had said ? Oh, yes ! _"I leave you alone for one second and the wolves come running..."._

THAT must be why she didn't come ! Cullen knew about the fact we were shape-shifters, of course! And of course, being our natural enemy, he would NEVER let his mate get near one of us! So maybe she DID want to come after all! He must know we are prone to anger fits, he must know we are somewhat dangerous to humans. Being the over-protective much he is, he would probably do anything to separate us. So all I had to do was give Bella a reason to meet! Well, did I want to meet her? I could potentially hurt her... but hell, I didn't want to live like a fucking monk!

Excitedly, I ran to my room and snatched my phone from where it was lying. Contacts. Bella. Ringing. Ringing. Come on, Bella, pick up! Pick up, pick up! As soon as the ringing ended I started babbling

"Hey Bells! I'm so sorry I haven't been in contact but I couldn't! I can't explain, I'm really sorry, but I would really like to meet! Can we meet somewhere in Forks tomorrow?" My heart soared high, full of optimism and hope

_"Hello Black"_ Edward said. Fuck! Wait, What ?

"Uh, is this Bella's phone?"

_"Yes, she can't talk right now."_

"Can you ask her to call back?" I tried my best to not get irritated, it would get me nowhere...

_"No."_

"Fine, I'll just call back then." Before I could finish the line went dead. FUCKER! Who did he think he was, to be such an arse?

_Bella's boyfriend_ Oh, great, I was starting to talk alone again. It seemed I had two personalities when it came to matters of the heart...

I spent the rest of the day brooding, planning revenge and imagining I was ripping that Cullen apart. Unfortunately it was like wanking off... It wasn't really satisfying.

The evening was a tiring walk around the rez to patrol, while avoiding to chat with Seth, who really was too enthusiastic sometimes. Since he phased two weeks ago he was bouncing everywhere, shifting the first chance he got, skipping school whenever possible.

After a long day, I went to bed, and fell asleep instantly.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, groggy but rested. The first thing I did was snatch my cell phone and call Bella. There was no way I was letting that leech stop me! Again, after a few tones someone answered. This time I was more cautious.

"Hello, Bella?"

"_Jacob!"_ Well, that was a start...

"Hey, how're you doing?"

"_You don't give ANY sign of life for two month__s__ and you say 'how're you doing?__'__Y__ou have any idea how worried I was ?"_

I snorted "Well, you weren't worried enough to stop by, were you?" I hadn't planned on fighting, but I still resented her for this, even if there was a chance the leech was behind it.

"_That's easy for you to say. I called you every day for a month. And your dad strictly forbid me to come over, what was I supposed to do? Barge in like he has no say? And anyway, why do you care? It's not like you ever bothered to call or answer or text or anything!"_ This wasn't going as planned. This wasn't going according to plan AT ALL... And when did dad forbid anyone to see me? What right did he have?! He didn't even tell me !

"Uh ... I'm really sorry Bella... I didn't know Billy forbid you to come over. It's been two rough months Bella... I want to make up for lost time. Can we see each other?"

"_Right... Did Sam get to you?"_

What? What was she rambl- Oh ! That ! "No, no, no, no, he's only trying to help."

"_Oh so you started shifting? That's good news! Now I don't have to lie about the Cullens to you anymore."_ Wow. Well, I guess it's better to put it all out in the open? But, weren't the Cullens supposed to keep that a secret ?!

"Um ... Bells ... I think the Cullens broke the treaty by telling you ..." This wasn't going to be fun. Either I lied to Sam to protect Bella, or I told him and it was open war...

"_Well ... I had my suspicions... I remembered what you told me on the beach, and Edward and his brothers didn't stop calling you a dog or a mutt, so in some way they didn't tell me. Besides, Edward had to explain to me why he didn't want me seeing you."_

"But he did tell you?"

Bella sighed. _"Technically he did. But he only confirmed my suspicions. I mean, Charlie had a witness report seeing a giant wolf, I had this weird dream about you being a wolf, and you said you tribe supposedly descended from wolves. So I asked Edward if your tribe had anything to do with wolves. He didn't answer me though, we went to Carlisle. Carlisle asked what exactly I was thinking you were, and I told him I thought you might be some sort of werewolf, someone who could turn into a wolf. He then explained everything. But you know, he said it was better that I learned the truth rather then go around asking people and prying, raising suspicion. So in a way he protected the secret, right?"_

I relaxed. Sam would accept his. Besides, he knew how much I loved Bella, it shouldn't be a problem "Oh, Bella, I think Sam will be OK with that."

"_How ... How are you holding up Jake?"_

"It was really difficult at the start, but now I really like it. I'm glad you know by the way, I'm not allowed to tell you, but now there's nothing to tell! Can I see you?"

"_Yeah, sure. I'm going out to Port Angeles with Edward, and another couple tomorrow, you want to come?"_ Great... Third-wheel, blood-suckers...

"Uh Bells... They're supposed to be my natural enemies... And I don't think they want to see me either."

"_Jake, I don't care, my friendship with you is part of the deal, Edward will have to go with it, and the rest too."_ Right, decision time. Wouldn't it make a good impression on Bella if I accepted? Besides, I would be able to irritate Cullen... I'll just have to bear with the leeches.

"Ok, when and where?"

"_Yay! I knew you would be cool with it! You're my best friend Jake!"_ Well, I was really happy I was making her happy, except she kept rubbing in my face the fact that I was her 'best friend'. Nothing less, but more importantly, nothing _more..._

She added _"Tomorrow, seven o'clock, Port Angeles cinema, that good for you Jake?"_

"Yup, I'll see you there!"

"_Great, see you tomorrow!"_

Well, that was ... interesting... It was impressive how Bella talked about my shifting like it was perfectly normal. But, that meant she knew the Cullens were vampires! She knew she was dating a fucking, horrible, filthy blood-sucking monster!

The good side was I would be allowed to kill Cullen if he so much as scratched her. The downside was that she would be scratched...

* * *

The day went by quickly. I had a difficult time with Sam, who at first didn't believe I didn't tell Bella about the pack. But he knew I physically couldn't tell her, seeing as he had forbidden me, so he came around. He wasn't particularly happy about my 'date with the suckers' as he called it, but he didn't have his word when it came to my private life.

Soon enough, the day had gone by, the night too, the second day was over, and it was time for the fun to start! I dressed casual and jumped into my Rabbit, driving at full speed towards Port Angeles.

I arrived five minutes late, but I really didn't mind making leeches wait. It's not like they have all eternity anyway... I parked my Rabbit and walked calmly towards the entrance. Bella and three pale people were waiting at the entrance, two couples, chatting coolly.

"Hey Jake!" Bella ran to me and I pulled her into a hug, making sure to feel her back while Cullen was watching me. She pulled back before long, but I could see Cullen was seething, and I couldn't help but smirk.

I noticed the big brawny vampire and his blond whore. I also smelt them. And what a smell ! They stank more then I could imagine. Yuk ! Unfortunately I would have to greet them...

"Hello Jacob" At least Bella's leech was being civil.

"Hello." There was no way I was saying his name. He snickered like he knew I was being childish.

"Mutt"

"Doggy" The male and then the whore very kindly greeted me too.

"Leeches."

"Come on guys, work with me! I know you're supposed to hate each other and all, but hatred isn't the way to go! Surely you know that. Edward?" She turned to her boyfriend for support.

What Bella said made _some_ sense, or at least it would if I wasn't BORN to kill them!

Cullen interceded for his girlfriend "Remember what Carlisle said. We have a treaty with ... the pack, remember? Besides, they're only protecting humans against the monsters we are. Nothing wrong in that." That was ... interesting. Not only was he being _nice_ to us, but he knew he was a freak!

A few things happened at once. Bella cooed how HE wasn't a monster, HE looked at me with a strange look, as if he knew what I was thinking, bear-vampire actually smiled and his icy demeanour melted, while bitch just glared.

I was a bit nervous, with three leeches around, trying my best not to puke from the smell, so I tried for a polite conversation "So what are we watching?"

Bella watched me with a frown "I didn't tell you?"

"Uh ... no ... you ordered me to be here now, but that's all..." HE chuckled

"Well, at least you doggies are taught to obey, that's a start" Bitch said.

I found that I had absolutely no witty remark, which was really rare for me. Before I could come up with something though, HE said "You know Rose, if you weren't such a pain all the time you _might_ get yourself a few friends" I was stunned. Since when did he defend me of all people? Didn't he know I was after his girlfriend? Maybe I would actually enjoy myself despite being around a threesome of murderers?

"Jacob, we don't kill anyone. We starve ourselves to avoid being the monsters our cousins are. I would like you to refrain yourself from calling us murderers." WHAT. THE. FUCK.

"Oh, yeah, Jake, Edward can read minds..." Bella blurted out. Oh dammit! Maybe it wouldn't be THAT fun ...

To cover my unease, I shrugged it off and asked politely "What time does it start?"

"Now! Let's go!" Bella exclaimed, obviously enthralled by the sight of her boyfriend and best friend here with her, and better, they're getting on together! Edward chuckled. Wait, did I just call him Edward ? Guess I did. Guess these vampires are not THAT bad. Too bad one of them was with the girl I loved, I could almost have been friends with them otherwise... Edward glared at that. Fuck it was going to be difficult to relax knowing he could read each and every one of my thoughts ...

I silently followed the group as they bought tickets, entered the cinema, and sat down, all the while brooding silently. I knew I could hide my thoughts in some measure from the pack, maybe I could do the same with that prying Cullen? All I had to do was concentrate on one thought – one only – and he wouldn't be able to read the rest of my thoughts, right ?

"Good job, mutt" I guess my thoughts about Bella made me regress to 'mutt'. Oops, focus on one thing and one only. That's when a devilish thought entered my mind. Focus on Bella. How beautiful she was tonight, how her jeans snugly fit her nice arse, how-

"Jacob, stop it!" Edward was blank, seething, and it took all of the two other leeches' strength to hold him back. Well, I usually didn't let anyone bully me around, but I WAS in inferiority, seeing as I was alone with three blood-suckers. Maybe coming tonight wasn't such a good idea after all... Anyway I'd better not get him too angry...

At that thought Edward calmed right down, striding away to find a seat. A few people looked at us as though we weren't humans. Uh, wait... I chuckled at my own stupid joke. Blondie glared at me before joining her brother, Bella ran after her fucking boyfriend to talk him down, and-

And the vampire's eyes were deep into mine. They were deep, they betrayed how old he really was, how wise and experienced he was. His eyes were full of a swirling pool of emotions, full of uncontained sadness, self-loathing, love, insecurity, contempt. His lips moved but the sound never reached my ears. I was too busy noticing his lips. His lips were entrancing, I watched them dance as he spoke, and I felt a pull. I took one step forward, bringing me comfortably close to those lips. I could _feel_ gravity change as I was pulled toward him. I understood how Sam felt.

He was my sunshine, the light in the dark, what illuminated my day, what kept my heart beating, what kept my cock stiff- uh WAIT! STOP THERE! REVERSE ! QUICK!

I was pulled out of my thoughts as he took a step back and asked "You alright dog?"

"Fine." Was all I could mutter.

"Ok, the movie's about to start, you should come in."

I must have looked worse then a zombie. I seriously considered running home, but I didn't want anyone to noticed anything, and the movie would be the perfect cover to mull things over. Hopefully the mind reader would be too scared to check my thoughts.

I sat down, and shifted uncomfortably. I could feel HIS scent, he was sitting beside me. I could hear him whisper to bitch. I could hear him .. kiss her ...

I knew what had just happened, I had just imprinted on Bear Vamp', whose name I didn't even know. Sure Bella had mentioned it, but I haven't had any reason to listen before. Before now. Before I imprinted.

I could smell him. He smelt good. Fuck. He smelt too good. Fuck. He was sitting next to me. Damn. I was hard. Fuck. How could I get through a movie like this? I was too hot. I needed a cold shower. Or a cold vamp. STOP! Stop thinking about him like that! You can't have imprinted, NO WAY! He can't turn you on! He's is a DISGUTING lovely HORRIBLE perfect DESPICABLE sexy MONSTER. Oh man! I couldn't do this. I would jump him if I stayed.

Before I could give myself time to think, I ran out, muttering 'gonna be sick'. I ran to my car and drove at full speed home. He smelt so good! I could still smell it. It was intoxicating. How would I be able to go on one day without breathing that? How? HOW?

Oh and his body. Fuck he was perf-STOP! You can't think about him like that. I slapped myself. Again. Again. My cheek and head stung. Good. Pain. Another feeling. URG ! Fucking idiot wolf!

I was doomed. I had imprinted on a man. I had imprinted on a vampire. That meant I would be his slave if he asked. Hot tears ran down. I couldn't do this. Sam would kill me. My father would disown me. Emmett HATED ME! Somehow the last part was much worse then the first two.

Oh HELL! I wouldn't be able to fight the imprint, I knew that. My mind was reeling, and before I knew it was making up plans. I couldn't tell anyone. Well I would have to tell Emmett, so he could kill me, or reject me and then I could kill myself. LIFE WAS FUCKING UNFAIR! How could this be happening to me? My tears still flowed, a real stream down my cheek, a waterfall down my chin, a pool between my legs.

But he had smiled at me! I know it! He was just furious because I had upset his brother, right? So maybe he loved me!

Yeah, right. More like he found you nice and maaaaayyybbeeeee could be your friend, if you weren't a shape-shifter and he a vampire, if you weren't desperately in love with him, if he wouldn't get himself killed by the pack by coming to your home, if you wouldn't get yourself killed by going to his home.

There was no sense in hoping. Hope was forbidden, just like my love. He was my soul mate, I wasn't his. The best I could do now was die in some dark place of the forest, far away from everyone that hated me.

For a moment I really considered running, provoking another pack or coven, abandon, let go, free myself. But then my survival instincts kicked in. I needed to live, for my father, for my pack, and, above all, to protect my imprint.

If he didn't want me as his lover, I would be there as his protector or friend. But that wouldn't work! Vampires took mates, so in a way I was supposed to be his lover. But I couldn't bend him, could I ? I would have to make due. And anyway, the thought of being around him and protecting him would HAVE to be enough. Urg this was complicated ! I could already see the problems ... He wouldn't want to be my lover but I would feel the need to be. Painful months ahead ...

My dad and pack didn't need to know. All I needed was to convince the Cullens. Easy seeing how we Quileutes have been treating them over the years. Well, they were are natural enemies, but we still treated like any other vampires, like monsters that needed to be taken out with the trash.

The thought made me sick. My imprint, a monster ? Trash ? I think NOT! Ugh, but he is a leech for fuck's sake! A fucking murderer, a monster bent on destroying life, and ruining mankind, bent on domination, thirsting for the doom of our race!

Oh fuck this was going to be difficult. I was going to have to fight myself on top of having to fight the Cullens, my pack, my family. I was in for a long ... what ? week? Month? Year? I snorted, eternity was more like it. Counting on the fact that I survived my first confrontation with my imprint, whatever his name was, that I survived the confrontation with his family, with my pack. And oh! With Blondie. I had forgotten all about her. She would tear the skin off my limbs, she would rip my fucking balls out if she ever found out! That had to be the worst part... As I said, I did have plans for my balls after all...

I felt my heart constrict. I didn't even know my imprint's name! And I had no idea when I would be seeing him again! I had a good mind to turn around and get to the bear-like vampire, but that wouldn't do. They probably wouldn't want to see me after my exit. And Bella would probably be pissed. I don't talk to her for two months and I walk out on her first chance I get. Fuck it. She was my only alibi to see him.

Wait a second, Bella! I was in love with Bella! I couldn't be in love with Mr Bear if I was in love with Bella, right? And anyway, if I loved her, it meant I wasn't gay, so I couldn't love him! It made sense! Yeah, zero fucking sense... There was no way I could figure this out. Man I would need months to sort out my head and start doing something about it. Though I would probably be dead of grief, pain, sadness and desperation before that. Not a pleasant thought, Jake...

I had barely reached the rez and parked my car when my phone rang.

"_Jake?"_

"Bells?"

"_Jake, you alright? You scared me! What happened?"_

"Not feeling well, Bella... I ... I needed to go... I'll call you when I fell better, promise."

"_You better not cut contact for two months like last time, Jake..."_

"Don't worry, that was special."

"_Ok, fair enough. Uh ... Edward wants to talk to you, he says it's important. ... You mind?"_ DAMN. What could he possibly want with me now?! He had been alright all night...

"Uh ... Yeah, sure..." There were a few sounds, amongst them a whooshing sound, and then-

"_Jacob? It's Edward. I know you imprinted on my brother, Jacob."_ Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think ! Love to know where you want this to go ;)


	3. Gravity and Repulsion

"_It's a dangerous business, [Jacob], going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no telling where you may be swept off to."_

_-_Bilbo Baggins,_ The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring  
_

**No Warnings.**

* * *

Chapter III : **GRAVITY AND REPULSION**

* * *

I immediately hung up. I was fucked. Deeply. Profoundly. Humiliatingly. Painfully. Hoping it's E- STOP, getting side-tracked...

What the hell was I supposed to do? Would Edward tell his family? Probably... I guess I'd have the whole coven banging on my door, furious. They'd probably let Blondie loose on me or something terrifying like that. I shuddered at the thought of having _her_ actually trying to kill me... Somehow, she seemed much more dangerous then my Imprint ... Well, then again, that was more or less expectable, seeing as he was my bleeding Imprint !

As soon as I arrived home, I jumped out of the Rabbit and ran to my bedroom, careful to not wake up my father – to avoid painful questions. Once securely locked in my room, I slumped on my bed, and let darkness take me.

_My world was made of shadows. Wherever I turned darkness engulfed me. Two golden globes shone in the misty world that were my dreams. They were entrancing, and soon a creature was joined to the globes. A creature of stunning beauty. With a waft of its hand, the clouds flied away, leaving us in a bright sun. As soon as a ray of light touched the creature, its skin started shining. Money does not make one happy. Diamonds do. Diamonds and love. _

_The pull could not be resisted. My feet moved of their own accord. Step after step I was approaching the creature, wanting to touch, wanting to feel. The more I stepped the further away the creature was. Gravity dictates the pull is stronger when two elements are near. Well the theory is wrong. The pull only gets stronger as the distance between us increased. I start running. I run faster. Still the creature distances itself. I can barely discern its features anymore. It is a shining statue of white and silver in the distance. I run faster. I start panting. There's nothing to do. It's hopeless. The creature only pulls away while I pull closer. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?_

I jump up in my bed. The sheet of sweat on me makes my dark skin glisten gloomily in the pale moonlight. I needed to see Emmett. I needed to see him now. If anything, the dream proved one thing. I needed to tell Emmett. Waiting would only prolong the agony. I would either be rejected or accepted, the waiting would only make the rejection worse. If we were destined to be pulled but never touch, well, I would simply have to suck it up!

I could wish all this never happened all I wanted, that was not going to change. There was only one path I could take; trust the spirits that chose Emmett as my soul-mate. Trust that all would be for the best. Hope was the only thing I had left. I could despair all I wanted, I could pretend there was no hope, but that is the definition of hope. There is always hope. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. Emmett was my hope.

I made a snap decision to risk it all. I got out of bed, tied a pair of cargo shorts to my ankle, jumped out of the window, phased, and ran.

_Jacob? _Oh Lord... Why did someone have to be phased ? WHY ?

_Yeah?_

_Where are you going in the middle of the night? _And obviously it had to be Sam...

_Um... Night stroll, couldn't sleep..._ LALALALALALALALALA – Don't think about anything –TRALALALALA

_Jacob, what are you hiding ?_

Nothing LALALALALALALALALALALALALA

_Jacob, tell me where you are going. _The distinct tone of the leader was present. Fuck.

_I'm going to the Cullens_ I said, before having the time to think of a suitable lie

Sam was so surprised he forgot all about being angry _What?_

_You heard me._

_You can't go there, Jacob, you know that. We're not allowed in wolf form on their territory... _Oh I had forgotten about that. Yikes.

_Well, I'll just have to phase back then._

_Why are you going to see the leeches?_

_Please don't make me tell you, Sam... Please _I tried not to whine, I really did...

_Jacob!_ There would be no other warning. This was not going to be pretty...

_Fine... Is anyone else phased?_

_No._

Ok, here we go. Deep breath, Jacob, deep breath. _I imprinted._

Sam grunted _Please tell me you didn't imprint on Bella..._

I chuckled. If only, if only... _No, it's much worse then that._

I felt understanding dawn on Sam _Which one?_

_Emmett, the bear-like one. _I provided him with an image of Emmett.

_Right, you need back-up?_

_I know you're not happ-_ Wait! What ? Back-up? You mean he's not actually going to try and rip me apart?

_No, Jacob, I'm not. I know first hand you can't do anything against an imprint. I'm not happy about it, but there's nothing I can do. If I make you choose you'll go to him, and if I force you apart you'll die. _Wow, that was blunt... And somewhat reassuring...

_But, Jacob, I don't think it's a good idea to go tell him now..._

_Why not? _That was the last thing I expected Sam Uley to say ...

_I'm guessing the whole thing is very new, yeah?_

_Yes._ I grumbled

_Well, the pull of the imprint is horrible the first few days, but I think you'd better resist it and wait until you cool down. You're only going to make things worse if you go now. I'm betting you'd even try to ... um ... kiss him_

Well, I can't deny the thought had crossed my mind. Only last resort, obviously. I lied down, this was so fucked-up... He found me there, lying, depressing.

_Come __on__, Jake, it can't be that bad! _

_Oh, yeah, I only imprinted on a straight, married, VAMPIRE!_

_Well, at least it's a Cullen... _Way to go Sam _So, it could be worse... See, not all that bad !_

_Shut up Sam_

Sam chuckled _Come __on__, you can sleep at my place tonight, I want to keep an eye on you. If you want I'll call the Cullens in a few days to arrange a meeting._

Unlimited grateful poured out of me to my Alpha. It was suuuch a relief that he understood... I followed him back. We phased on the porch, put some clothes on, and I went straight to lie in the guest room, exhausted. I found sleep easily, relieved to have emptied my heart.

_A young man was standing on the edge of a dark forest. His back was turned and features unknown. His whole body was shaking with the strength of his sobs. He placed one foot after another, sleep-walking into the shadows of the forest. The darkness menaced to engulf him. I ran to catch up. This time I managed to stay at the same distance. I still didn't see his face. I knew he was still crying his eyes out. _

_A stab of pain hit me. For some reason, his pain was my pain. I couldn't explain it._

_He continued his relentless advance into the forest. What was he doing? Who was he? Why was he here? Why was I seeing this? My head swam with unanswered questions as I curiously followed him under the cover of the trees._

_Either my mind was playing tricks or the light was diminishing. Soon I barely could make out his lean form in front of me. The trees grew tall, black as night, their large leaves preventing the pale moon-light from piercing the forest._

_That when I heard IT. I heard a feral growl. An animalistic cry of war. A giant cave Grizzly had seen the man. I tried to warn him. I cried, I yelled, I emptied my lungs. My vocal cords were paralyzed. The young man was walking straight towards the Grizzly. His sobs had stopped._

_The Grizzly charged, but the man was quick, he managed to evade the bear's deadly embrace. The man revealed a long sword, that he drew out from nowhere. The Grizzly attempted to swat at the man with his paw, but the man simply slit the paw with the sword._

_Enraged, the Grizzly lunged again for the man. This time he wasn't as lucky, a back paw found its way into the man's ribcage, mauling his chest. _

_The man did not relent, did not abandon. He simply lunged at the Grizzly as though his wound was not fatal. He plunged the sword deeply into the Grizzly before the bear had a chance to react._

_Both fell._

_There was blood, a lot of blood. I tried to walk over to the fallen man but my feet were glued in place._

_I saw two red eyes in the dark._

I woke up in sweat for the second time that night. Or day. The sun was high in the sky, I had probably slept a long time, but I didn't feel rested. I felt exhausted. I felt terrible. The mirror confirmed my suspicions, I had dark bags under my eyes.

I jumped into my clothes, and left my room. The delicious smell of bacon and eggs lead me to the kitchen, where Sam was munching happily on a strip of rashers.

"Wow Jake you don't look so good..."

"Two nightmares in one night..."

"Were they about him?"

"One was, the other I don't know..."

"It probably was. I'm afraid you're going to have nightmares until you talk to him" Sam said grimly, before adding "I think waiting will not do any good, you'll just get worse. I'll call the Cullens right now."

"No, Sam, please don't... I – I would like to do this on my own." I pleaded

"Alright, but if it doesn't work I'm stepping in. I won't let you exhaust yourself to death." Sam was unrelenting "I forgot to tell you something. I'm guessing you haven't decided whether you wanted to accept or refuse the imprint yet" I nodded sharply, and Sam carried on "And I'm guessing your lee- Imprint doesn't know either" Although it irritated me to no end to have to change my views of vampires because of my imprinting, I was still grateful when Sam avoided to openly insult them, so I nodded again. He continued "Well, your imprinting is going to make you feel horrible until you OR him make a decision. As long as neither of you have accepted or rejected the imprint, it will pull you to Emmett, and resisting to the pull will make you weaker every minute." His gloomy speech did nothing to reassure me one bit, but I still wondered

"How is it you didn't feel terrible before telling Emily?"

Sam sighed "As you know, I was with Leah when I imprinted. So I immediately refused the imprint. That's why. Apparently you haven't refused or accepted the imprint, you either have hope to be with your vampire, or doubt that you can be with someone else."

"Right." I forced some food down my throat but all tasted nothing but ash on my tongue. Sam eyed me pitifully, but kept his mouth shut, for which I was grateful, he knew where I came from.

At some point, though, he did say "I didn't know you were gay, Jake."

I nearly chocked myself on my ash "I. AM. NOT. GAY. Got it?"

He chuckled "Well, now you are."

"NO! I love Bella, I have NEVER been attracted to guys before."

Sam shot me something that resembled a pitying look "Jacob, you can't refuse the imprint. Trust me, it does Not work. If your vampire doesn't want you as his lover, then maybe you'll be free to be, I don't know, his friend. But from what I know vampires mate. As an adult vampire, I fear you're supposed to be his mate, his lover..." Sam trailed off suggestively with a wink.

"Sam, I really don't want to think about sex with a male vampire when I'm eating."

"Oh, why is that ? Afraid to cum in your pants?" I nearly choked myself, AGAIN.

"This conversation is so over, Sam." I ran out and made my way back home, where, among other stuff, my cell phone was. I needed to call Bella. I knew she would understand. She probably felt the same attraction for Edward...

But did I want to do this? Did I really fall in love with Emmett? Did I not love Bella? Mmh ... I thought I did. No, wait, I did. I definitely and irrevocably loved Bella. That would never change. Never. All I wanted was to kiss Bella.

Well, it didn't arouse me one bit, but that's because I was way too tired, right? I could still think about Bella and get it up, there was no question there. I would never, ever fall in love with Emmett. I went for pussy, not dick. I did not want to see Emmett's pecs. I did not want to see his nipples hard because of me. I did not want to be held in his strong arms. No, no, definitely not.

Of course I could feel my dick harden because I was thinking about Bella's perfectly formed arse and pointy tits. I was not thinking about Emmett's perfectly formed arse and pointy- let's not dwell...

That would have to wait. I needed to see my Imprint for a little while, I needed his presence to appease me, I would not be capable of coherent thought if I didn't see him.

"Jacob? Jacob is that you?" My dad sounded worried. Of course he did, I went out with vampires, and he didn't know I had even come home, he must have found my bed empty. I cursed myself for being so careless. Now there would be questions to answer, much too many questions. Questions I didn't want to hear about.

"Yeah, dad, don't worry, I'm fine, I slept at Sam's place last night." I entered the living room, finding his in the couch, writhing his hands in worry. His normally carefully combed hair was a mess.

"Jacob! Never do this again! I had no idea where you were, you didn't have your cell!"

"I'm sorry, dad, I needed to talk to Sam, it got late, and he offered I stayed there. I'm sorry" The lie came out much too easily. I hated to have to lie to my father, but there was only so much I could take. My father's features eased.

"Alright, but take your cell next time. You remember the deal? I bought you the cell and gave you more freedom in exchange for some peace of mind" I felt really bad. Dad had had a hard time giving me some more freedom, but I craved it like any other teenager. He had bought me the cell and made me promise to carry it around all the time, and never refuse one of his calls. I had accepted, happy he was finally letting go of the leach a bit.

I mumbled another 'I'm sorry' for good measure before retreating to my room.

I hesitated. Did I really want to tell Bella? Did I really want to tell Emmett ? No ... Not really... My conversation with Sam played in my head, I knew it was tell him or die more or less. Which equates to die or die. Either I don't tell him and die, or I tell him, he rejects me and I die. What was it someone was saying about choices in life ? Because from my point of view the choices were pretty limited !

Well, if I didn't take the risk, I would die for sure. Besides, his rejection would certainly make my exit easier. I lunged for my cell and immediately dialled Bella's number. Fortunately someone answered on the first tone.

"Hey Bella I need to talk, it's urgent, can I meet you right now?"

"Jacob, calm down." DAMN! Why did he always answer Bella's phone ?! I could only hope he wasn't going to refuse to let me talk to Bella

"Hum ... I really need to talk to Bella"

"She's in the shower, is this about the Imprint?" FUCK !

"Hum..." I was stuck. I didn't want to hang up, but I didn't want to talk either

"Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone. Alice suspects something is going to happen but she has no idea what. Do you want me to arrange a meeting with Emmett?"

Well, this could be words... "I- I really would like to talk to Bella first ..."

"Alright, hang on a second, she's coming out." I heard a little fumbling then

"Jacob ?" Relief, at last.

"Yeah. Bella, I really need a friend right now, can we talk ?"

"Yeah sure, do you want me to come over?"

"Uh ... No, can I come over instead ? I need to get out of the rez' for a while..."

"Yeah sure, I'm here with Edward all day, come over whenever you want." Well, maybe I would be able to convince her to leave the leech out of the picture... Good enough

"Right, be there in ten minutes"

"K, I'll see you soon then." I hung up. I ran out, jumped into my Rabbit and sped at full speed (well, full speed for my car anyway) towards the Swan residence. Again, I jumped out and ran towards the door (I seemed to be doing a lot of that today).

Edward was holding the door politely, before whispering "I'll give you two some privacy." And he blurred out. This was easy, this was perfect. But wait! Since when was he that nice? And since when did I call him 'Edward' ? Not important, keep focused Black !

"Jake?"

"It's me Bells" I hugged her, relaxing slightly into my friends' arms.

"So what's up?" She went to the living room, inviting me to sit down. I hesitated only half a second. Edward already knew, and Bella would be able to help me out. As humiliating as it was, I needed to tell her...

"Well, I have a bit of a problem..." Understatement of the year...

"I figured that, Jake." Bella chuckled "Want to be more specific ? I'm guessing you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to tell me, right ?"

I slumped down. Ok, here we go... "I fucking imprinted Bella, that's what..." I had a hard time keeping the despair out of my voice.

"What? On who?" She immediately was on her guards.

I reassured her "Not on you, don't worry." She relaxed, but her brow knitted in a frown.

"But then, on who?"

"Emmett." I said, the word lead on my tongue.

"Oh." Was all she said. Then she rushed over and hugged me. Sometimes having Bella as a friend was good. It was oh so much easier then love her... Which I still did, obviously.

After a long minute, she pulled away and looked at me, worried.

"What are you going to do?"

"Tell him... It's the only thing I CAN do ... Or I can not tell him and die a quick and painful death."

"WHAT? What do you mean die ? No one is dying Jacob !"

"Bella, the pull of the Imprint is too strong. If I don't tell him I'll be drained of all my energy and end up dying." I was being a bit overdramatic in my opinion, even if it was the truth...

"Wow, ok, Jake, no way I'm letting you die."

"Well, in that case, I need to talk to Emmett."

"Right, well I'm coming with you. Emmett is a teddy bear but he can be an arse too." A surge or gratefulness welled inside me for my friend. It would be easier with Bella by my side...

Edward blurred in "If you want to meet Emmett we should go now, he's alone at home, it's the perfect moment."

"Right." Was all I could say. I followed them, getting into my car. Each second stretched on for an eternity. I followed Edward and Bella to the Cullen residence. To Emmett. To my doom. I was full of dread and excitement. I would finally see my Imprint! He would reject me and let me die! Yay !

I again wondered at Edward's kindness. How was it he was doing all of this for me all of a sudden ? I was in love with his mate... How could he want to help me ? I was the one who dreamt of fucking her silly, I was the one to take her from him !

And since when did he help shifters in general ? We were supposed to be mortal enemies for Heaven's Sake ! And I was in my car, following _his_ car, going to the Dragon's Den. I had a good mind to turn around.

But no. Jacob Black does not turn around and run away, his tail tucked between this legs. I bravely followed them.

We pulled into their drive-way. I was too stressed out to pay notice to anything. I simply followed Bella and her boyfriend into the house. I didn't even flinch when they kissed. My mind was empty, a large void, devoid of emotions or feelings.

"Em'?" Edward called out.

Emmett blurred to the entrance, and looked at me, surprise "You know dogs belong in a kennel, right? And you know he will pollute all the house with his stink, right?"

We were off to a great start. I was ready to phase and run away. Edward must have heard my thought because he nudged Bella to grab my elbow and pull me into their living room.

Again, my mind and eyes were glued on Emmett. The simple fact of having him near me, of inhaling his scent made my muscles regenerate, the bags under my eyes disappear, the trembling in my limbs soothe. I felt so much better. If this was only being near to my Imprint, I couldn't even guess how it would be to be physically near to my imprint. But that wouldn't happen anyway.

"Emmett, come over here, Jacob wants to say something."

"I didn't know dogs could do something else then bark" He was grinning. Maybe this was a joke? I could only hope...

"Emmett, shut up and be nice" Bella blurted. Wow, she wasn't afraid of vampires...

"Hey Bells, I'm sorry. By the way, it's weird, the dog doesn't smell bad. I can't smell anything... You know why?"

I was startled. Of course I had noticed Emmett smelt beautifully... The Imprinting was obviously affecting him too. Maybe there was hope yet... And the absence of smell was probably due to the fact that he hadn't made up his mind about me. Yet. Soon I would stink...

I felt all eyes in me "Well... I think I know why... I ... Er ... I - Imprinted on you..." It took all my courage to look up, hope must have been seeping out of my every bone. It was the last defence I had. I had just given him my heart on a golden platter.

He had a frown on his perfect brow "Sorry ?" Oops. Guess I talked too fast...

"I ... Imprinted ... on you ..." I took great care to detach each syllable.

He stared at me "And uh... I should know what that means, because ... ?" I wanted to laugh. ANTICLIMATIC MUCH !

"Mmh ... It means you're ... Hum ... My soul-mate" My words were barely a whisper. It took him a second to process my words, but then he erupted in an uncontrollable laughter.

I discerned a few words in his mirth "I don't even have a soul, mutt." "I'm married." I'm not gay."

Enough was enough. Having my heart ripped out would have to suffice. I instantly phased and ran out.

* * *

A/N: Please leave reviews !


	4. Mulling Over

"_Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."_

_-_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore,_ Harry Potter and the Prisonner of Azkaban  
_

A/N : Before I let you read the chapter, a shout out to my favourite authors ! Please read elfprincess8's stuff, Hank's Lady and Ant1gon3 !

**Warning: Erotic content**

* * *

**Chapter IV : MULLING OVER**

* * *

I ran and ran. I ran until my paws hurt. I ran until I couldn't catch my breath. All I did was run.

After an eternity I could not run any more. I slumped dead on the ground. My whole body was aching. Every single one of my muscles was painful, but that wasn't the worst, the worst was the blinding pain in my chest. It felt like daggers piercing and twisting in my heart. All I could think of was him. The encounter has been exactly what I expected, and dreaded. Finally the pain and exhaustion was too much for my body to cope: I gratefully fell into the black abyss of unconsciousness, hoping to never wake up to this nightmare again.

"Jake? Jake ! Jacob, do you hear me?"

I slowly freed myself from the fog in my brain. After one or two minutes, my blurry vision cleared and I could see the outline of a very naked Quileute man.

"Jacob! Wake up! Are you alright?"

I realized I was too a very naked Quileute boy lying in what seemed like – snow ! What the hell ? Why wasn't I in my bed ? What hap-

"AAAAAAAH !" I could not help but yell in pain, the memories of yesterday came back full force, the daggers lodging themselves in my heart once more. I curled up, a sobbing mess, wondering why the hell I had woken up.

"Jacob? Jacob, what is it? Jacob talk to me dammit !" After a while the voice broke through the haze around me. Sam was there. Wait – what ? Sam ?

"Sam?" I slowly raised my head

"Yes, Jacob. We need to get you to bed, Jacob, you look terrible... I fear you might even be sick..."

It took a while for the words to penetrate my mind and sink in. Sick ? A shifter couldn't get sick ! The only two things we fear is physical harm or vampire poison...

"What are you talking about, Sam ? I can't be si-" I was cut out by a powerful spell of coughing. Ok, so maybe I was having some sort of an allergic reaction or something stupid like that.

"Jacob, you're shivering for God's sake ! We need to take you home!" I shivered. Oh fuck. Shivering for a shifter is bad news. Very bad news. Ok, so maybe I should go home... But something stopped that though. A sharp pain in my chest.

"Sam, I don't want to go home."

"Jacob, Edward told me what happened, he also told me you were very blunt and didn't explain much about the Imprint to the vampires... He said that he would talk to Emmett and fix everything."

"Yeah, right, why does he care ?"

"He said that he would do anything to make Bella happy, including making you happy."

I snorted "Yeah, if he left her alone I would be happy with her."

"No, Jacob, we both know that will never happen now. Come on, Jacob, I know this is very hard, but you still have Billy, you still have the pack, Bella is still your friend. Don't you want to live for them?"

I sighed. Guilt-tripping me, that was thoroughly unfair... Good thing I could play low too, there was no way I was going back there to humiliate myself, besides, I'm not a masochist, I prefer to die now then suffer an eternity without my Imprint.

"Sam, you know very well I can't live without him. After two month I'd be dead, and that spending one month in hospital getting food pumped into me."

"Look ! I don't care ! Did you think this was going to be simple ? Did you think all you'd have to do would be to go to a married blood-sucker, tell him he is your soul mate, and he would go 'Ok' and fall into your open arms? Seriously ? Don't you think I had to fight for Emily even after I accepted my Imprint ? She was already dating someone, I fought for almost a month ! and that was with her being a Quileute and a chick, Jacob! You have to wake up. If fate put you two together, you have to trust you'll be together eventually, but it sure as hell ain't going to happen over night dumbass ! Don't you think being with your soul mate for the rest of eternity is worth taking a little pain ? Don't you think it's worth fighting with every ounce of strength ? Do you think you'll get anywhere by running away and curl up like a fucking puppy ? Now I want you to stop moping like a baby, I want you to phase and run back with me to the rez', and I'll make that an Alpha order if I have to !"

Well, that was what someone could call an eye-opener, or a wake-up call ... Of course Sam was right again ... Somehow being an Alpha must grant him the right to read his pack's souls. It was like he had X-rayed me and had struck at the very core. Damn him. Now I couldn't do anything but agree. Moping was so much easier...

I grasped at straws "It's not like I want him to fall in my arms or anything..."

He glared "Whatever Jake. Keeping telling yourself you love Bella and maybe you'll get Edward to rip you apart. I'm sure your father, your two sisters and your mother would be proud of you, don't you ?"

Ouch. That hurt. I growled "Don't you fucking talk about my mother like you know her !"

"Instead of growling at me like some hurt animal, ask yourself what she would say."

I knew what she would say 'love is worth waiting for, Jacob, you have to fight for what you want and believe is right.' Ok, ok, Sam 1 Jacob 0. Now let's forget all about this humiliating sequence

I phased and Sam followed suit immediately.

_Ready __to__ go home Jake?_

_Yes. _We ran. The way home was much longer then the way here, but then again, I didn't pay attention to anything else then my pain when I ran away... I mean, when I left quickly. Jacob Black doesn't run away.

Sam mentally snorted. I had forgotten he could read my thoughts. Fuck. _Jacob, I understand why you left, there's no need to feel shame, I would have done the same. I would rip him apart for hurting you like this if it didn't kill you..._

I growled before I could stop myself. No. One. Touches. MY. IMPRINT !

_Hey calm down tiger, no one is touching your love._

_I don't love him !_

_Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought after Imprinting on Emily..._

_Sam ..._

_Yeah ?_

_Shut up._

_Don't talk to me like that Jake... I might be your friend but I'm also your Alpha._

I didn't answer. We ran for a long time, both of us silent, me trying my best to keep my mind blank.

_Jake ? _Seth's young puppy voice came up.

_Jake! I don't have a young puppy voice !_

I chuckled _If you say so, Seth..._

_So what's up with you running away? You had us almost worried... Billy's been going to the roof all day..._

A quick image of Emmett flashed my mind before I could stop myself. Crap.

Another mental growl. Paul... Fuck... _Why the hell are you thinking about that filthy bear-leech?_

_Paul, shut up. _Came the Alpha voice.

_You OK, Jake ? _Seth butted in.

_Yeah, I'm alright buddy ..._

_Oh for Fuck's Sake stop moping Jake ! _Leah was now joining my crowded thoughts.

_Like you never mope Leah. _I wasn't about to let myself be trampled on. I still was Jacob Black, descendant of Ephraim Black and rightful Alpha of the pack, even though I was 'only' Beta for now.

Of course Sam heard my thoughts, but that didn't matter. We understood each other. He was a great leader and I was thankful for not having to lead the pack, while he knew I would probably challenge him some day. All he could do was do his best and see what life brought. We were both happy with the arrangement.

_Come on, Jake talk to us, what's up? _Set was obviously more worried then I had previously thought...

_We all were, Jake... _Embry noted.

_Guys, I'm sorry ... I just can't say for now, I'll tell you when the time is right. _Damn that felt cheesy and stereotypical ...

_Damn right, Jacob, you're the king of cheesy. Maybe our Jake is secretly gay? _Leah joked.

_All of you phase back right now _came Sam's order. I was sooo thankful. What if I was gay ? What would Billy say ? What would the pack say ? More importantly, what if Emmett wasn't ? I didn't exactly want to live like a monk because my Imprint didn't do cock. Not that I was gay and that was even remotely in question of course.

_Jake, we're here. I'm going to head by to my place, I suggest you tell Billy the truth. And I think you have some thinking to do..._

_Thanks, Sam _I meant it. Although a while ago I had had no intention of coming back, I realized now how stupid I had been. I was lucky to have a pack leader like Sam...

_It's my job as Alpha and friend, Jacob. There is one thing I need to know. What do you want me to do if one of the lee- vamps ask to come on our land ? Edward said I should think about it considering the situation... I don't usually say this about vampires, but that boy has his head on his shoulders ...__I just can't get over Ed being so… helpful_

That was some question... _It's not for me to decide, Sam..._

_I know that Jacob. But if I allow it, I need to know you WANT him to be allowed on or lands. No point in me accepting if you're just going to be pissed about it._

I was stunned _You mean you'd actually let him on Quileute land ?_

_I would certainly consider it, Jake. There would be a whole strings of conditions and so on, but I'm not dismissing it._

Wow. Sam was better then me. By far. When I had taken a few days to accept the fact that I was going to have to deal with a blood-sucker, it had taken Sam barely 24 hours. And HE was responsible whereas I wasn't... The least I could do was to take advantage of the situation _Yeah, sure, thanks._

I quickly phase and ran into my home, making a bee-line for my room before anyone could notice me. I had the time to jump into a pair of boxers and cut-offs before I heard:

"JACOB BLACK ! COME HEAR YOUNG MAN!" Of fuck. Dad only used my full name when he was over the edge. This was going to get ugly... I braced myself. I knew I had to tell him the truth, nothing short of that would satisfy him. It didn't help he could see straight through my lies... Still shivering, I also put on a T-shirt and a hoodie.

I slowly made my way to the living room.

"Dad ?"

"Jacob! Where were you? I was so worried ! Don't ever run away like that !"

"I was somewhere near the Canadian border..."

"Jacob, are you shivering ?!" He opened round eyes. Man, now he would freak out...

"JACOB! What's happening ?"

"Dad, please, calm down, I'm gonna explain everything..." That made him relax slightly in his wheelchair. I slumped down on the couch, and was very tempted to doze off, but that wouldn't do. He would probably chuck me a bucket full of ice-cold water to wake me up ...

He looked at me pointedly, and I began my explanation, slowly "Two days ago, I went to the cinema with Bella and the Cullens."

"WHAT?"

"I know... I just ... I don't know what took me, and it was the only way I would get to see Bella... Just, please let me finish."

Dad didn't look happy. He definitely didn't like where this was going, but he relented "Ok..."

"So, I went to the cinema. They weren't too bad, we didn't get along but we didn't kill each other either. And ... hum... That's when I – I ... imprintedonemmett." I mumbled

"Pardon me?"

"I. Imprinted. On. Emmett." I detached each word clearly. A dozen of emotions flashed in dad's eyes. After a long tense silence, he sighed.

"Jake. This isn't what I would have wished for you... But I know there is no way to turn your back on this... It doesn't mean I'll like him or ... _this_, but I promise you to try to be open-minded and give _him_ a chance."

Well, that was easy. Only he didn't know the worst... "Dad, I'm really grateful and all, but he isn't gay, he is married, and when I told him he laughed, which is why I ran... Wait, you're not bothered by the fact he is a vampire and I might be ... ? " I trailed off. No way I would admit to maybe being gay, obviously I wasn't.

"Gay ? Jacob, we might be a small prejudiced community, but you're my son and I love you. If being with a man makes you happy, then I'm happy too. I'm bothered that he is a leech, but that can't be helped. You know I have some measure of respect for the Doctor, we have always been able to trust him. They are still filthy murderers, don't get me wrong, but I guess it could be worse ..."

Decidedly, today was the day of long speeches and acceptance...

After a while, dad carried on "And Jacob, I think that you being sick might have something to do with your Imprint. There's only one person who knows more about shifters then me, and I will call him right away. I think you should go to bed, you look ready to fall over, son."

Although I couldn't but wonder who knew more about wolves then the Elders, I silently stood up and went to my bed, slumped down, and immediately fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up the following morning, feeling more tired then the previous evening. I was shivering and my brow was burning hot. One look in a mirror confirmed my suspicions, I looked dreadful. My eyes were injected with blood, black bags were under my eyes, my musculature was already melting, and all my muscles were sore. This was the effect of the Imprinting. I needed to see Emmett, desperately so, but I couldn't. He had reacted too badly when I told him very bluntly he was my soul mate.

Now I thought back, Edward was probably right, I should have taken velvet gloves to tell him this ... I still was torn by the fact that he had laughed when I told him...

But how could blame him? I could not fail to see his side of the situation, him being my Imprint. Your natural enemy comes knocking on your door, he tells you that you are his soul mate, even though you are married and desperately not gay. How could it be anything else then a pitiful joke? Well, that's the point, isn't it, it has to be a fucking joke. Whatever the reason my wolf had for Imprinting on Emmett, it had to be wrong. There was no other explanation. This was just some sick joke destiny decided to play, just like when I had phased for the first time.

I still had pretty much energy, but that would probably not last more then a week. We were now Monday. Seeing how rapidly I was deteriorating, I would probably be bed ridden by Saturday, in intensive care the following Monday and dead within two weeks. Somehow I felt strangely calm. Either I got to see Emmett or I died, in either case there wasn't much I could do.

One thing was certain, I wasn't going to the Cullens, I was not going to see Emmett. Either he would come to me and talk or ... well, or not. I was not going to humiliate myself more then I already did, nor was I going to put myself in jeopardy more then I already had. Besides, Blondie would probably kill me if I went near their house... Or Emmett, he probably wanted to kill me too, or he didn't care. In either case things weren't looking up for me...

I slumped back in bed, too depressed and tired to do anything else. After a few minutes, my phone rang.

"Yes?" I answered rudely, too sad to care.

"Jacob? Jacob, it's Bella, are you alright ?"

I considered lying. It would be so much easier... But Bella was my friend, and I desperately needed a friend right now, someone to talk to ... Even if said friend was the love of my life! And that would not change, the imprinting would not make me un-love Bella.

"No, Bella, I'm not alright. I feel like shit and I'm depressing. Happy?"

"No. I yelled at Emmett for about an hour after you left, but he just took off..."

"Bella, could we just ... Not talk about him?"

"Sure. Want me to come over?"

I felt a surge of gratitude for Bella. For once she realized what I needed... "Yes, I really do..."

"Right, be there in twenty minutes, see you right away!" And she hung up. I dozed off.

"Jake ? Jake, wake up, I'm here !" I opened my eyes. Bella was sitting beside me on the bed.

"God Jake you look terrible !"

"Yeah, that's the result of him rejecting me..."

"WHAT ? I thought you said that you only had to meet him and you'd be fine !"

"Well, I lied. I'm not fine."

"But – but I thought you were just heartbroken or something..." She trailed off

"No, Bells. The Imprinting makes me need him, even if it's only for a minute every day. I'm going to be like this until I meet him again. I'm like a slave to his will."

"Jacob ... I – I should have talked to Emmett before, I should have made sure he wasn't going to react like he did..."

"Bella, if anything it's my fault, you didn't know the details and I didn't explain them either to you, or to him. Now all I can do is stay in bed until I get better." I didn't want her to know I was only going to get worse...

"Oh, so you ARE going to get better if you don't see him ?"

"Yup, it's going to take a while, but I'll get over him." This wasn't even wishful thinking. This was more like expecting a miracle... Still, I'd sleep better knowing Bella wasn't torturing herself over me.

"Good ! Apart from that, you really don't feel heartbroken or anything like that ?" She was eyeing me suspiciously.

"Bells, I'm alright. It's not like I love him or anything. It's not like I'm ... gay !"

"Uh, Jake, you did Imprint, right ?" I didn't like where this was going. How was Bella supposed to fall in my open arms if she was convinced I was gay and in love with Emmett?

So I did the only thing I could think of. Probably the most stupid too... I kissed her.

She immediately pulled away "WHAT THE FUCK, Jake ?" She was seething with anger. Weird how girls' emotions could go from worried to angry, right ?

"I – I'm sorry ... I – I just ... I love you Bells, I'm not gay. I need you to know I love you with all my heart."

The look she sent me was terrifying. It was like she wanted to murder me on the spot. Which she probably wanted to... Without another word she stomped off. I fucked up. Royally.

The worst part was that I had felt disgusted by kissing her. It had felt wrong on so many levels. And it had hurt my chest. It was like cheating on my Imprint, even if it wasn't really cheating !

This was so fucked up.

A week passed. I tortured myself, my friends and family, but my pride would not waver. I would not go and see Emmett. Bella did no contact me one single time. I was in bed, I could not keep my eyes open, sheer exhaustion took over, as the lack of my Imprint took its final toll. I would probably not survive much longer, and I fell deeply asleep.

_Emmett was there, in front of me. His eyes were ebony black, a fantastic contrast with his white skin. He took a few steps towards me, cupped the back of my head with his large strong hand, and slowly his head leaned into mine. _

_He was slightly taller then me, at almost 2 meters high, towering above my 1.90. I could feel my pupils dilate as his lips slowly brushed against mine a few time, teasing lightly. Desperate for more, I aggressively attacked his lips with mine. My tongue slowly inched out of my mouth, hovered at the limit to his wet entrance, and he parted his mouth, letting me greedily explore him. One of his hand was still holding my head in place, while the other crept between us, slowly unbuttoning my shirt, until it was open._

_We disengaged for a second, while I shrugged my shirt off. I then peeled off his tank top for him, and let my hands roam all over his perfect torso and chest. His hands played with my nipples, which were hard in a matter of second. I shuddered at the feeling of his delectably cold hands on me. How could I have lived without it ? He brought his lips to my neck, and kissed me delicately. His kisses then went down slowly, he covered my pecs with kisses. He sucked at my two nipples, which made me buck. I needed him to free me !_

_He kissed my abs, my happy trail, then looked up suggestively_

"_Fuck, Emmett, just suck me already !"_

"_Yes, Sir !" He playfully answered, while ripping my cut-offs off –no pun intended. He didn't waste time, but immediately went down on me. He started by licking my head with his icy tong. He slowly took me in, and soon was deep-throating me, not even gagging._

"_Oh Yeeeesss Em'! Feeeells ... Hug ... Gooo- oood" I was hard pressed to form a coherent sentence..._

_He continued to suck at a frenzied rhythm and all I could do was moan his name and buck every time my head hit the back of his throat. "Oooooh Emmmmmmm" I said, as I came hard, the best orgasm of my life. He greedily swallowed everything and looked up._

I woke up startled. I was hard and leaking. I could not believe what I had just seen. And I realized I was feeling much more rested then I had been for a long, long, time. Strange ...

Luckily I didn't cum during the dream ... I slowly sat up groggily in the morning light. That's when I realized the room was peculiarly lit, as though one of these disco balls was making the whole room shine. I looked around and saw an angel. Emmett was sitting in a corner of the room, his skin lit by the rays of sun, shining like a million diamonds. I was two dumb-struck to so much as move a finger.

"Hello, Jacob." He said nonchalantly.


	5. Warning

_"Ah ! Love, a dreadful bond ... And yet, so easily severed..."_

_-_Davy Jones_, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End  
_

A/N: I would like to thank my forever loyal Beta Elfprincess8 (whose works I higly recommend). I also recommend you read Hank's Lady and Ant1gon3 !

**Warning: Mild violence**

* * *

**Chapter V: WARNING**

* * *

I jumped up. What the hell was he doing here? And what the fuck was that dream all about? Many questions swirled in my head, but everything went blank when he started talking again.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted and how stupid I was. In my defence though, you could have been more tactful about it all... Anyway, I'm here to apologize and talk about this in a more civilized manner if you want us to."

Thankfully my erection had subsided by then, I managed to stammer "I – Yes, I would like that... Can I ... Uh ... How about you wait outside while I ... Er ..."

Emmett smirked "I'll let you make yourself presentable, I'll be waiting by the shed." He said before striding out.

Again I noticed how rested I felt. It was like I had slept two full nights. Maybe I had? Or maybe it was just that Emmett was here. I noticed that my muscles were again filling out my clothes nicely as I threw on a T-shirt and a pair of cut-offs. It was irritating how my body changed depending on whether or not my Imprint was around. Ug. I hated being so dependant. I had never depended on anyone since mom died and now it was like Emmett was all that kept me alive...

As I made my way to the shed, I made a point to forget about that second dream and what it could imply. There was no way in hell _that _would ever happen. Not only did I definitely NOT want Emmett to see me naked, but I did not want to see him naked, and in any case he was married and straight. Not that any of that mattered because I was straight too, and in love with Bella. So we'd just be friends –good friends hopefully seeing as we would be seeing each other a lot- but nothing more.

"Jacob?" I shook myself; I had walked to him completely lost in my dreams, quite literally...

"Sorry. Thanks for coming by the way ... This Imprinting stuff is really a pain..."

"Don't worry about it. So how about you explain some stuff now that I'm here?"

"Yeah, of course. Uh, wait, why did you come? How did you get by the pack?"

Emmett sighed "Bella and Edward got on my arse for being such a dick after you left. At first I just thought it was a big stupid joke, but then they didn't calm down and kept shouting at me for a few days, so I figured _something_ had to be up! So I asked Bella for your number and tried to call, but I think your phone must have run out of battery or something because it didn't even ring before going to voice mail... Then Bella came to see you, you kissed her and she was really pissed for a few days. When she got over it she told us that you looked like hell and that it was my fault for some reason I still don't get. So I went to the border and crossed it a few meters just to get the attention of someone! After a few hours –by the way you guys should be more careful, there's a redhead vamp' after Bella running around- a black wolf came. Turns out it was Sam, and he was really pissed at me for some making you suffer or something like that. I told him what had happened, asked if I could be allowed on your lands to see you, and he escorted me to your room. I was hoping to catch you before you fell asleep, but turned out you were out cold and had been for a while. So I stayed all night and you finally woke up this morning!"

Wow, so he might be a big vampire, but he's not a complete dick ... and he has a brain. Well, maybe Imprinting on him wasn't THAT bad ... That's when something hit me. He had watched me all night? What had I said, done during my sleep? What if? Oh god no!

I felt my skin heat as I blushed "Did I – Er ... Did I say or do anything in my sleep?"

Emmett chuckled "You moaned a bit, but you didn't say anything understandable... you did rub yourself a bit, I figured you must miss your girlfriend or something hahaha!" Well, that wasn't _too_ bad, was it?

"Right. My turn to explain then. Those of us who turn into a wolf can –and usually do- imprint on someone. Basically it means our souls are supposed to be bound for eternity." Emmett's head shot up, and I quickly added "It doesn't mean we have to be in love or anything. Embry imprinted on a two year old child for example, which means he's gets to be a big brother, maybe a friend, and maybe in twenty years they'll fall in love. I'm supposed to be anything you need me to be. Seeing as you're straight and married guess that makes me ... a friend? Or something like that anyway." Of course I didn't reveal what Sam had said (the whole story about how vampires are supposed to have mates and me being the mate)

"In any case, Imprinting is supposed to be about finding the person with the best gene pool to pass on the Quileute genes, and seeing as we're both guys, guess I mean it doesn't apply. I have no idea what the spirits are trying to do by binding us together, but I sure as hell am straight too, so your wife doesn't have to worry about anything like that!" I let him take in all this new information. He had sat down on a stool in the shed, looking lost in his thoughts. I can't say I was relaxed. What if he decided that was too much anyway? What if he didn't want a wolf around? What if he left me?

After a while, he looked back at me and said "That's fine by me! So is there anything I need to do? And what was that about me making you suffer that Bella and Sam said?"

Oh what a relief! I quickly filled him in "You don't need to do anything except seeing me from time to time. It seems I need to see you from time to time to stay in shape..." I didn't add that I would die if he left. No way I would let him know how badly I depended on him!

"Right. We'll have to find somewhere to meet. Carlisle, Rosalie and Jasper don't want you in the house anymore, they complained about the stink for about a week after you were there. Good thing you smell good to me," Emmett grinned goofily. I smelled good? Well, I was never going to admit how nice that was, nor how delicious _he_ smelt.

He continued "So how often do we have to meet? Like once a month or something?"

My heart sank down to my feet, or somewhere lower if it was possible... Once a month? I would never be able to stay away for two days, so a month? The simple idea of being separated for a month was hell... Ok, maybe he didn't get at all what Imprinting was all about...

My face must have betrayed me, because Emmett said "Dude, I'm in uncharted waters here, if I say something stupid, just tell me..."

I struggled to keep a level voice "Er ... Once a month isn't going to be enough ..." AT ALL ... I had been hoping for something like every day!

Emmett watched me intensely "Ok, so what? Once every two weeks? Every week?" When I didn't answer, he added irritated, "You've got to help me here! I know nothing about Imprinting, just tell me, it's not like I'm very busy anyway. I've got to take care of school and of my wife, but I'm free the rest of the time. Just tell me what you need..."

I asked shyly "Do you think we could meet like every other day or something?"

"Yeah, sure." He thought for a while, before saying "Oh, I know! I could drop by during the night and hang around while you sleep for like an hour every night, that way you get your fix, how does that sound?"

Ok, either he really didn't want anything to do with me, or I really wasn't being clear about Imprinting...

"Uh .. Emmett, I think you're not getting it... I need to _see_ you. Ideally every day, but I'll take what I can get... Like we need to be around each other A LOT... I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I don't really have a choice..."

Emmett opened surprised eyes "Oh ... Well, I'll make some time at least every other day, maybe more if we get on well! How does that sound?"

"Great!" I was so relieved that I grinned foolishly! Maybe I wouldn't have to suffer too much over this after all! I added "You can come here whenever you feel like it, you give me a call."

Emmett grunted "I would prefer to avoid waiting seven hours each time for someone to notice there is a vamp' on your lands..."

I opened round eyes, "you waited seven hours before Sam found you?"

"Yeah ... You guys need to work out something to protect your land; obviously whatever you're doing now isn't working..."

"Uh ... Ok, know what, I'll go talk to Sam about this and about ... er... us ..."

"Right, I'll let you to it. I entered my number in your cell. I'll see you around." And just like that he blurred away. I must say I was disappointed, even though I had no idea what exactly it was I was expecting. A hug? No, certainly not.

I made my way slowly to Sam's house, desperately trying to sort out my feelings on the way. I had no idea how I felt about all this. Everything had happened so ... fast! The only fact that was certain was that I would get to see Emmett regularly, and I was very happy about that. More then that I had no idea.

Firstly, how did I feel about Imprinting on a vampire? Well, I wasn't overly enthusiastic about it. But then again, did it really matter? I had Imprinted and now I would have to live with it whatever the context. Of course, the pack would grunt, dad wasn't over the moon, but at least it had been more or less accepted. Probably because the situation didn't put any humans in danger. As long as Sam didn't see the situation as dangerous he would accept pretty much anything if it meant a pack member being happy. And as long as Sam accepted it, the others wouldn't have much of a choice. Yes, that would have to do. All I had to do was make sure the Imprinting didn't bring about any danger to a human being. That shouldn't be too difficult. Good.

Second question, what did I feel about Bella? That was a harder question... If I was honest with myself, and I guess I didn't have any choice but to be exactly that, I had to admit I didn't love her anymore. She was a great friend and all, but the thought of kissing her, touching her, and over all letting _her _touch _me_, was repulsive. In fact, the thought of anyone touching me in any kind of romantic away, other than Emmett, was disgusting.

Which brought on a more important question. What did I feel about Emmett and how did he feel about all this? He hadn't been very nice the first time around, and had been pretty short tempered the second time around, although accommodating. Why was that? Was it that he didn't want to feel guilty but still didn't want to be around me, or was it something else? I mean, I could understand his point of view. A week ago, the thought of being around a vampire made me sick, and now I was asking one to see me every day. He had every right to be upset, to not want to see me, to find the whole situation freakish. And that wasn't considering he probably still considered us mortal enemies. Hell, I had tried to make out with his brother's girlfriend a few days before! Maybe that was what irritated him? Or maybe it was something else... Guess I'd just have to ask. I needed him to be straight with me. I needed to know how he felt about all this to know how to act around him. If we were to meet on regular basis I didn't want to have to walk on eggshells because he was a mystery.

All this didn't tell me what I felt about him. I mean sure, I found him damn hot, smelling wonderfully, magnificent when he glittered, but that didn't make me gay or in love with him, right? One thing was sure, I didn't want to get anywhere near his ... _private parts_, so I guess I couldn't _want_ him that way. But then the dream didn't make ANY sense! If I didn't love him, then why did I dream about... that? And what the hell was that other dream about, the man in the forest attacking a bear?

I discovered my feet had carried me to Sam's house when I came to the following conclusion: I wasn't in love with him, but I still was attracted to him and _needed _him! We would just have to be close friends, and I would have to work hard for that to work, because if his attitude today was anything to judge by, he wasn't overly thrilled by the prospect...

"Sam?" I called out when I was on the porch.

"Jake! Feeling better?" Sam came out and led me to the edge of the forest for more privacy.

"Yeah! Thanks for letting Emmett on the rez' ... I needed that ..."

"Yeah, I know, you slept for two days ... We were all worried but there was nothing we could do except hope that leech punk would change his mind." He said outwardly, and I couldn't help but growl. Don't talk like that about my Imprint !

"Well, he and I have come to an understanding, and seeing as I'm not welcome at their place, do you think we could make an exception to the treaty for him or something? I know I'm asking a lot, but apparently his 'dad' said I wouldn't be allowed at their place for some reason..."

Sam looked confused "Oh?"I've talked to Edward a few times, he never mentioned that..."

WHAT THE FUCK? Since when was Sam talking to a leech? Edward of all people?

"You talked to – Edward?"

"Yeah, he's been pretty helpful, and he said he understands what you feel for Emmett. Plus he says you can kid yourself all you want, but you're not in competition for Bella anymore," Sam chuckled "Said the kiss last time surely disgusted you enough to stay away from her."

Well, I knew he could read my thoughts, but guess them from afar? That was down right freaky! And since when had Sam made friends with Edward? They had not even been talking, now they were joking together!

"Uh ... Sam, you realize you're having fun with our enemies, right?"

Sam looked at me with some kind of pitiful look "Jake, you really mean that? Besides, they've never harmed a human, and we would only gain from being on better terms with them. They have pretty reliable intel about the redhead, and they're more then willing to share. It would make our job much easier if we knew when she's coming... Plus, if we didn't have to concentrate on fighting them, we could focus all our efforts on random leeches like her." Thinking practical, Sam was ... Sam. Apparently there was nothing more sacred for him than the security of the rez (except Emily of course). Not even practising with the enemy was forbidden if it meant more security for the humans. Hell, even I who had imprinted on one of them, had a thing or two to learn from Sam about being friends with a vampire ...

"Anyway, I'm not going to allow vampires to roam freely on our land. Emmett will be allowed on our lands at one condition, he has to be accompanied at all times by one of us. If he is found alone on Quileute territory he'll be considered dangerous and we'll attack. As long as you two love birds respect that, I'm happy."

"Wow, thanks Sam!" I never expected him to be so ... accommodating? What was it about people accepting and doing more or less exactly what I was hoping for lately?

"No need to thank me. Besides, if I had said no, you would have either tried to smuggle him in, or we wouldn't see you anymore, so I prefer to have you and him here where I can keep an eye on the situation." Sometimes I did wonder if Sam thought about _everything_, or if he just made up excuses as they came... Or maybe he just planned everything ahead ... Yeah, that was probably it; he had certainly spent a week thinking about this! One thing was certain, letting Sam be Alpha was a very good idea...

I had meant to mention the whole Emmett-being-worried-about-our-defences thing, but apparently we now had our own private source deep in the enemy council, so no need to worry about that. I was just about to leave when – I grunted- the whole pack appeared.

A chorus of salutations and friendly hugs ensued, before I decided I might as well get the whole unpleasant business out of the way.

"Ok guys, I'm just gonna say it and let you deal with it. I Imprinted on a Cullen, Emmett, the big muscular one." I added as I saw incomprehension flash in their eyes.

I noticed most of them grimace, but no one said anything. After a while, Sam decided to step in.

"I don't have a problem with it as long as no one gets hurt, so you don't have a problem with it either. But before we move on, I'm giving you this one chance to say whatever is in your heart."

Leah grinned "I knew you were gay Jake!" Well, I did want to maul her to death, but I decided to have them have their Jacob-bashing minute. Hopefully they would let me alone after it.

Jared, Embry and Quil expressed they were happy I had imprinted, that they hoped it would work out, even though they could imagine better then a vampire as soul mate, which was more or less along the lines of what I was feeling.

Seth grinned too "Does it mean we get to go hang out with them?"

I chuckled, Seth had always liked Emmett and Edward a little too much ... "You'll have to arrange that with them, Seth, but I think they'll be happy about it as long as you don't go to their hom-"

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Paul yelled before phasing before our eyes. It took us a good ten seconds to react. I dreaded he was talking about Emmett, although I had no idea why. All I knew was that he was going to try to hurt my Imprint, and that! I growled loudly before phasing too and sprinting to catch up with Paul. I barely registered as the others phased too and followed me.

I didn't see Paul anywhere, but I could hear faintly his paws hitting the ground heavily as he galloped towards their place.

Sam's voice came up _Paul, back down NOW. _There was the tone of command in his voice, but strangely Paul didn't slow down.

_Sam, I think it's because he didn't hear you ... _Leah said perceptively. She was probably right.

A flow of _KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL _came from Paul's mind. Why the hell did he want to kill Emmett? What had he done wrong?

When I arrived at the Cullen's, it was too late. Paul was lying lifeless in front of the porch, and Carlisle was standing in front of his family, his features animated by an emotion I had never seen him display. He looked ... furious... This could not be good; all I could hope was that he wouldn't forbid me from seeing Emmett. But what if he did? What if I could never see him again? What if –

_Jake, calm down, we're going to talk this out. _Came Sam's deep calming voice.

"I demand to speak with you Sam, face to face, in your human form." Carlisle announced. This could not be good... I also noticed we weren't exactly at an advantage... There were seven of them, and seven of us, even though I knew I would never be able to fight them. If I was forced to fight, I would fight against my pack, which meant Sam was outnumbered six to eight. Add to that the fact that wolves were at a natural disadvantage against a vampire, and you had a recipe for disaster. We were effective as a pack, and always counted on number to fight off vampires. A wolf didn't stand a change in a one on one against a vampire... In addition to that, Quil, Seth and Leah weren't experienced, while the Cullens were said to be tremendous fighters. We would have to comply with their demands.

I heard most of my pack mates reach the same conclusion, but I didn't hear Sam's voice as he had returned to the cover of darkness to phase back. Lucky for him, he had taken the time to strip down and bring his cut-offs...

When he came back, Carlisle charged, "What is this about?"

Sam wasn't the type to apologize to his enemies, however much he might want to work with them. He was the –very- proud type. Add to that the fact that we had no idea exactly what this was about... I fixed my gaze on Emmett; he seemed shaken but unharmed... Exactly what was this all about?

"I don't know, Paul has always had a temper, but when he found out about the imprint he lost it..." Sam said, and this was the nearest he would come to apologize.

"Well, it's hardly our fault. We're subjected to this even more than you are. I will not accept being attacked because of something one of your dogs did." Carlisle said firmly glaring furiously at me. Damn, I had never seen the Doc so much as raise his voice. This was terrifying. I noticed some of us cowered. He really was intimidating...

"It's not going to happen again." Sam assured, very much aware he didn't have any choice.

"Well, if it does, I will not hesitate to be so lenient. I usually abhor taking a life, but when it concerns the protection of my family, it doesn't matter any more." The message was clear; Carlisle would kill the next wolf who tried to attack his family. Looking at the state of Paul, he must have come near the first time round... Said wolf was now whining miserably.

"I understand, and I would do the same."

"Good. Now, because I don't trust you, this is what is going to happen. If any wolf comes on Cullen land, he will die, whatever his intentions." Now he returned his gaze to me "Jacob, because of this situation, and because I hate to see people suffer –even one of you- you will be the only one allowed on our land, but only in human form. If you phase on our territory, the same rule will apply. Finally, because your stink is too much and because we really don't owe you any favours, you will not be welcome in out house. You are welcome to come pick Emmett up or whatever you want to do, but you step one foot inside our house and I will consider it a personal threat. Am I being clear?"

God, yes, he was being very clear...

_Fuck hell, the doc can be scary when he wants..._ Seth said

Sam said "Yes." Before going to Paul, who had not moved, he picked him up bride-style and left without one single look back. One by one the wolves turned around and left too, until I was the last one left. I was torn between staying with Emmett or going with my pack. Right when I decided to follow Sam, I heard "Jacob, wait a sec!" I couldn't help but feel happy my Imprint wanted me to stick around, even if only a second.

"Emmett, don't." Carlisle interrupted, but I discovered gladly the 'son' didn't register his 'dad'.

Emmett took me to the trees and waited for his family to enter the house before he said "If I come tomorrow at one, will you wait for me at the border?"

I nodded, elated, and happily watched him turn back. This WAS going to work!

_Great, Jake, why don't you think about your almost dead pack mate instead? _Jared said irritated.


	6. Monotony and the Breaking of It

"_The plot thickens !"_

_-_ Shakespeare_, A Midsummer's Night Dream  
_

A/N 2: Thanks to Elfprincess8 for helping me out as usual !

**No Warnings**

* * *

**Chapter VI: MONOTONY AND THE BREAKING OF IT  
**

* * *

Oh right. Paul the idiot. What had taken him ? Why had he gone to attack a vampire coven on his own ? And why did my Imprinting upset him so much, to the point of wanting to kill Emmett ? None of this made any sense, I was lacking important facts. There was something I did not know. All I could do for now though was follow my pack, see to Sam's welfare, and wait for one o'clock tomorrow.

There rest of the day was relatively uneventful –compared to the first part of it anyway. Paul had a few cracked ribs, a broken leg, but nothing his shifter abilities wouldn't heal, except his pride maybe. He didn't say anything for the rest of the day, but it was pretty obvious to everyone he was sulking. There were a lot of things I would have to ask Emmett when we finally saw each other.

Sam stayed with Paul to try to get a confession, but it was pretty desperate. In any case he had sworn never to use his Alpha powers to make us talk. He had once said that we shared enough, and that our private thoughts were our last sanctuary, the one place he would never violate. Come to think about it, Sam had pretty much power of life and death over us as long as we chose to obey to him. Now serfs were abolished a long time ago, but we still came with the territory...

I went home, and had a quick chat with my dad, explaining the main bulk of the day's festivities, before crashing for the night. I fell immediately into a deep sleep, grateful to be able to actually rest while sleeping now that my Imprint actually considered talking to me.

_A young man and girl were talking together. They looked about twenty years old, and were probably __a__ couple. But they were fighting. The muscular man had dark hair and a strong build. The woman was a cute blond hottie. They were in what looked like a pub, although it didn't really look like one of those modern British pubs. Everyone around was __dressed__ in what looked like ancient clothes, there was no television or radio, and the lights looked like those oil lamps no one uses anymore. There were a few images placated on the walls. They said "We need YOU!" With a man clothed __in an __American-flag style with a red and blue hat, and a coat with stars. Another one of those posters, pinned arrogantly over another poster read "Fight for Democracy! Protect the American soil from Japanese invader and German Nazi!". I didn't know much about history but the scene was probably sometime between 1941 and 1945. I was standing outside the pub, the man turning his back against me like in my first dream. I tried to enter the building but the door wouldn't bulge. I could catch glimpses of the conversation between the two young lovers._

"_...Too possessive ... Think you __own__ me... Too protective... Hate it"_

"_... Please Suzanna... Can't help... me ...other chance..."_

"_Too late." Was all she said, before turning around, striding towards the nearest, __most __creepiest old man and kissing him squarely on the mouth, until he got over his surprise and pushed her away. She glanced victoriously at her boyfriend and stormed out, leaving him alone and sobbing._

I jumped up. This was the same man as in the first dream, I knew it! But it couldn't be Emmett! My Imprint was pale as snow, while the man in my dreams had much darker complexion from what I had seen of his neck. What the hell was all this about ?! I glanced at my clock, FUCK ! It was already 13:10 ! I was ten minutes late and nowhere ready to meet my Imprint ! I had planned on taking all my time to make a good impression (to erase the first time when he had caught me hard and in only my boxers). Looked like I had had sleep to catch up on ... Although to be fair I never really woke up early if I didn't put on my alarm clock. Seeing as it was Saturday, I obviously hadn't...

I jumped in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, bolted for the door and prepared to run towards the forest when I noticed a horrible stink. Ug! Had something died around here ?! I sniffed around. Oh my fucking God... I was the one stinking like that... No wonder, my last shower had been about a week or so ago ...

I decided I couldn't possibly go to Emmett stinking like this –he did say I smelled nice, but I wouldn't count on his honesty just yet.

By the time I had showered, changed and run to the border, it was already two o'clock... And Emmett wasn't there. Great! I was one hour late, and he had expressed his irritation yesterday at having to wait. Good job, Jacob, messing up your first outing with you Imprint... Way to go Black !

I mentally kicked myself before remembering I had something called a cell phone. I whipped it out and it happily displayed three missed call and one text message. A quick check told me the text arrived last, so I opened it up first

From Emmett: _Hey... So I've been waiting here an hour, there's no sign of you and you don't pick up your phone... I thought this was something important to you? Maybe I got it all wrong... OR you have a tremendously important emergency in which case I apologize for complaining. Won't be able to make it tomorrow, and school starts on Monday... See you around. Emmett._

Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck ! This was no good. No good at all! I had everything to prove to him and we hadn't even started before I already fucked up !

Tomorrow was pack meeting, so I wouldn't be able to make it either. Monday I was opening up my new garage, as my dad had agreed to let me off school from now on. My mad skills with cars would hopefully get me a good enough reputation to start up my own place and succeed. I couldn't exactly give myself my first day off on my first day... The first month at least would be tough. I would need to hang around without much to do hoping someone would show up. I had spent two months getting word around I was starting, and I thankfully already had a few appointments to start up. Well, I would have to hope he would be able to come very soon... If I had to wait until Tuesday it would probably start to feel painful, but according to Sam it would take more or less two weeks before I actually became as weak as last time. The whole imprinting story was very complicated, but from what I understood, the time I could last without Emmett depended on how we left each other. So if we left on bad terms I wouldn't last long while if we left on very good terms I would probably be able to last a few weeks without him.

So seeing as last time I saw him we were ok, I would certainly last a good two or three weeks without him, even though I would feel a strong pain in my chest (which, according to Sam, only appeared after a day or two). So the pain would appear only tomorrow or Monday... Which meant I'd probably suffer a bit before I was rejoined with him...

Well ! It was my fault, no use sulking about it... I texted a long answer

To Emmett: _Hi ! I'm really sorry, I forgot to put __on__ my alarm, woke up late, and when I got here I was already too late :/ This is really important for me, I'm just not used to having hours to respect I guess... This year I'm opening up my own garage, so I don't have to go to school. I'm free today all day, then you can come whenever suits you best during the week ! If you come before six though, we might have to talk while I fix a car... I'm really sorry again ..._

A few seconds later an answer came

From Emmett: _I'll be back round 3PM, but I won't wait around for a whole hour this time. Don't be late._

To Emmett: _I'm staying at the border until then, that __way__ I can't be late._

From Emmett: _Good. Cya then._

He sounded pissed but I could understand that... He goes out of his wits to accommodate me and I stand him up... Anyway, at least he was willing to come back! Hopefully the rocky start wouldn't be a habit of ours!

I waited not so patiently for an hour worrying that he might not show up.

At 3:00 he blurred in front of me

"Hi, Jacob."

"Hey! I'm so sorry about earlier, I really don't –"

"Don't worry, let's say we're quit considering how Carlisle acted yesterday ..."

He had a point... Or did he ? "I can't really blame him for wanting his coven safe..."

"Family." Emmett corrected me "Doesn't mean he gets to be rude about it. And that's beside the point, he's always been the nicest person ever, I couldn't dream for more perfect 'parents' than him and Esme. He's just overly worried..."

"Oh he doesn't need to worry about Paul ! Sam has got that covered" Which was only half true, but I would get that covered tomorrow if need be.

"Naw, Paul was only the last straw that make him break... It's because of you he worries."

Now that was surprising ... "You know, I physically can't hurt you since I Imprinted, and I doubt I could fight any of your family seeing how much it would hurt you. If there was a war between wolves and vampires, I would probably side with your family ... So again, no need to worry."

"It's not that simple, Jacob. And besides, you've not been completely honest with me it seems. Carlisle told me imprinting inevitably leads to romantic feelings when the two parties are ready." He refused to cross my eyes.

Shoot! He wasn't meant to know that... All I could do was present my theory and hope it convinced him "That's just the point, seeing we're two guys and not likely to change, I doubt we'll ever get to that..."

He raised his head at that, something washing over his face, relief "Honest?"

"Well, seeing as we're making history, I can't say for sure, but that's the theory I'm working on... Whatever you think, I don't exactly want to develop romantic feelings for a guy either... I'm not gay or anything you know..."

"Mmh .." He sounded far from convinced

"You think I'm gay ? After all the time I've run after Bella ?"

He looked dubious for a moment, then looked me straight into the eye and said "Well, I don't know so I can't really tell for sure, but if we're going to see each other often, we might as well get along, so I'll trust you and take your word for it. Hopefully it'll convince Carlisle to go easier on you... Speaking of Carlisle, I still haven't explained. Since he thinks we're destined to be lovers, he thinks I'm going to cast Rosalie aside and jump into your open arms, so he kind of hates you for what you might do to Rosalie..."

"Oh." Was all I could say. Now his behaviour made more sense... So Carlisle was living up to expectations, he was ten meters in front of me in the reasoning. The man was brilliant... A bit like Sam. They were probably distant blood relatives, or it just came to them because they were leading.

"No offense, but I think that Blon- Rosalie would rip my balls off if I ever tried to take you away from her..."

Emmett frowned "What's the nickname you use for her?"

Of fuck, he was supposed to be a brainless brute for god's sake... "Blondie..."

He chuckled "Ha! Suits her well! Anyway, you're right, I would wear a titanium cup if you ever tried to take me away... but I'm getting side-tracked! I'll try to get through to Carlisle, his reaction is disproportionate... I can't believe he actually threatened to kill you ..."

That made me think, was Emmett actually caring about me?

He continued "If you ever died because of me, I would have to live with Bella's wrath forever now that they're getting mar-I mean, now that's she actually part of the family and all..."

I didn't pick up on the slip-up. "Nice to know you care" I joked. It did sting a little he didn't give a dime about me, but after all we had only talked three times...

"Haha, don't worry, I'm sure I'll start caring soon enough, and then you'll just wish I didn't, everyone says I'm overprotective and over-possessive ..." This brought back memories of the strange dream ... could he be ? It would make sense for me to see his past seeing as our souls were bound ... Had he really gone through that kind of stuff ? Anyway, those questions would have to wait until some future time when he feels comfortable to discuss that...

"So, I wanted to ask, why did Paul want to rip my head off ? He came pretty close, I've never seen Carlisle so angry before, we almost had to stop him from killing that crazy dog..."

"I honestly don't know ... I told them about the Imprint and he ran off like a madman ... I'm really sorry about that by the way..."

Emmett chuckled "you act like it's your fault, besides nothing happened anyway, but you should have him checked for rabies, he looked half crazy ..."

I laughed "Yeah, we'll take him to the vet. I'm sure he'll have no problem testing a 6 foot tall wolf for rabies if we ask nicely !"

Emmett laughed hard too, and soon we were exchanging pleasant banters. It would not be difficult to get along ! When we calmed down, I gathered my courage, took a deep breath, and stated "So you've said we might as well be straight with each other and get along. So I wanted to ask, did I do something to piss you off when you came by yesterday ?"

Emmett looked hard at me for a second, then said "First, that's not what I said, I said I would trust you. But I guess being honest wouldn't hurt, as long as it's two sided. Anyway, I had a fight with Rosalie, which by the way did nothing to improve your status in Carlisle's eyes... When I nearly got ripped off, I swear I saw his eyes flash red..."

I almost choked "Paul almost got you ?"

"Yeah, I'm not proud of that ... I was arguing with Rose ... again, and I was angry, so I wasn't paying attention as much I usually do. He jumped on me, and it was only because Edward got me away on time that I'm still here ... He managed to sink his teeth in my arms though, I swear it took at least ten hours before it healed entirely, I'm lucky he didn't rip it off, or I would be short one hand..."

WHAT? How come I only got to know this NOW ? I was going to kill Paul! That BASTARD! He almost killed my IMPRINT! I started trembling, I was going to phase, KILL ! KILL ! KI-

A cold hand pressed on my shoulder and made all my muscles go lax.

"Jacob?" Oh God I loved having his cool hand touch me, taking up all the heat I had to live with, I loved it when he said my name, like he was concerned, like he cared, like I was import-

"Hey, Jacob, you alright?" I shook my head.

"Yeah, sorry, it's part of the imprinting, I don't take well to people attempting on your life..."

Emmett laughed "I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself !"

"Well, obviously you could use someone to have your back..." I muttered.

"Yeah, maybe ... " his gaze lost itself in the scenery, his mind obviously trailing away. The rest of the day, we talked about more mundane matters, we learned to know each other. He had to leave around 7 though, and I guess I should make my way home too. I had felt better that afternoon than I ever remembered feeling. It was all due to the Imprinting of course, but who cares? I was feeling great, and I was grateful ! And I was going to murder Paul as soon as I got my paws on that treacherous stupid dog!

I felt a slight discomfort when Emmett blurred away, but it was barely noticeable. We were on route to become great friends, that was all that mattered.

The rest of the day was uneventful. I went to bed, and the next day there was the pack meeting.

We all tried to get a confession out of Paul, but it was a lost cause. That night I went to sleep, frustrated to not know why Paul had snapped nor how to avoid or predict it in the future.

The next days were a blur. I opened my garage and got my first clients, who were all extremely satisfied by the cheap prices, the speed and the quality. All I asked them in return was to kindly spread word if they deemed my garage worthy, and without exception they promised to. By the end of the second week, appointments were flowing in and I was elated.

Everything was working out too with Emmett, for which I was very grateful. He would usually show up during his (and my) lunch break, and we would talk over lunch for about an hour. Sometimes he'd come after school was over, in which case he was always happy to get his hands dirty and help out with whatever I was doing.

I learnt that my impression on him was completely wrong. He was definitely the nicest guy I had ever met, and –imprinting aside- he was quickly becoming my very best friend. He was easygoing, we laughed easily, he wasn't afraid of hard work, and we were on the same wavelength. After all, the spirits maybe had a point when they made me Imprint on him. One day I caught myself thinking 'who needs friends when Emmett is around?

He wasn't afraid of aggressive pack mates like Jared, Sam or Leah could be –and that's not counting Paul... Sam, Jared and Leah were pissed off after the episode with Carlisle and therefore made their purpose in life to piss Emmett off – which never worked. He always remained calm, never backed down and I had yet to see him afraid of anything. Paul he simply ignored like some invisible cockroach, which I thought was a brilliant idea, and soon decided to do the same.

Of course I had yet to do something really interesting with Emmett, like go see a movie, go clubbing or something like that, whatever people my age were supposed to do if they weren't part time wolves. But I figured he would suggest whenever he wanted to, if one thing was certain, we had time. Hell, we probably had eternity !

* * *

Anyway, one month went by. The redhead vamp kept coming about once a week searching for Bella, who was still with Edward, I was very good friends with Emmett, and Paul was still as aggressive. All in all, nothing changed, save for the fact I now felt a real connection with Emmett, and my garage was doing really well, things were looking up.

I was working in my garage, waiting impatiently. I was due to go pick Emmett up at the border in about an hour. Lately I had noticed being fidgety when he wasn't there. I also dreamt of him a few times, mostly in a ... uh ... _romantic_ way... I only had had those two dreams when non-romantic, and they still puzzled me, I had never dared brush the subject. I didn't know much about him really, even though I felt like he knew every detail of my life –I did enjoy having someone who listened, someone who I implicitly trusted, and someone who didn't tease me about anything I might reveal. He wasn't exactly open about himself, but I could only hope the day would come when he would trust m- My phone buzzed

From Emmett: _Hey Jake, something's come up, won't be able to make it today ... Rly sry... I know it's been two days already, so I can come by in your sleep to take the pain away if you want. Because of what happened, I need to get to London ASAP, and I'll be away a whole week :/ It's really important, so I rly can't avoid it. You're welcome to come if you can free yourself though (it'd be just the two of us), plane, hotel and food on me. I'm leaving in two days, let me know. Again, sorry ... Em_

A whole week ? But – but ... I can't make it without him a whole week, he knew that ! Well, I probably could, but I'd be in pain the whole week, probably depressing and tired by the end. And how did he think I could just drop everything and fly away a whole week ? Though the thought was tempting ... Maybe I would finally be able to learn _something_ about him !

I ran to check my agenda. I had a few tire changes for people afraid of the ice and snow, but apart from that, I had a strangely empty week ... Maybe ... Yes, maybe ...

To Emmett: _Hey, it's alright, hope it's nothing serious. I'll talk to my dad tonight and let u know? Should be able to make it :D Jake_

From Emmett: _Great ! I was hoping you'd say that, I rly hate to make you suffer :/ Keep me posted ;)_

He was hoping I would come ? This just got better ! Even if it is only because I was 'suffering', who cares ? He still wanted me to come !

Too eager, I closed shop early and ran home.

"Dad ?" I called before even reaching the door.

"Jake ? What is it, son ?" My dad was in the kitchen, talking to Sue Clearwater. The two had been getting comfortable together, but I was happy for them. They both deserved to be happy. I still had to present Emmett to dad, but that would have to wait, for now he was happy because I was happy and because nothing bad had come out for the Imprint.

"Dad, Emmett has to go away to London a whole week..." I peaked in the kitchen

"Oh ... That's not going to be easy for you I guess ..." He was watching me suspiciously. Guess my goofy grin gave me away... Too bad I never had a poker face !

"Well, he kind of invited me to come ..."

"And you're wondering if I would let you go." He finished

"Yes."

He thought hard for a minute, then announced "Well, Jacob, I guess you remember what I said when you opened that garage. You're in charge now, and I trust you. Responsibility and trust are privileges. Go if you want, but if your business suffers from it or if you're irresponsible in London, I'll not hesitate to take that privilege away. Deal ?" That's what I had hoped he would say.

"Yup ! Thanks ! I'm gonna go pack, I'm leaving in two days"

"Ok, son, have fun, and remember you're with a vampire..." Clearly he still had issues with that. Not that I could blame him...

I immediately ran to my room and began packing. First though I whipped out my phone

To Emmett: _I'm coming !_

From Emmett: _Great ! Why don't you come over Friday 11AM and we'll take my car to Seattle Airport ! I'm booking you a ticket right now :P_

To Emmett: _Perfect ! Be there at 11 sharp._

From Emmett: _Don't overburden yourself with stuff, we can always buy whatever we need in London btw._

I quickly packed the few suitable clothes I had, and a few utilities I might need. I had no doubt he could afford anything I might need, but that didn't mean I actually had to make him waste his money on me. Dad had educated me better than that ! Besides, he was already paying for the ticket and the rest, not that I could ever afford that on my own ...

I spent the rest of the evening and the following day rescheduling appointments, apologizing and on edge – what if he changed his mind? Left without me? Didn't want me to come? Or worse, what if he brought Rosalie? The main reason I had accepted was that we would be only the two of us. The only time I had had to be with his family, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and Carlisle hadn't been nice, on the contrary, they had been quite distasteful ...

On Friday I was wide awake and ready to leave at 8AM, staring at my watch, willing for it to MOVE QUICKER, DAMNIT !

I arrived at the Cullen lair at 10:45, not having been able to wait any longer, I was so excited ! I was not only leaving the city for the first time of my life, I was leaving the State, the Country, the Continent ! I was going to London ! I had always been curious what there could be outside Forks and the rez, but not in a million years had I thought I'd get to see Europe !

"Hey Jake, ready to go ?" Emmett called. I whirled around and saw him come out of the house. I nearly gasped. He was looking ... good ! Fuck, he was looking hot ...


	7. What Happens in London

"_Words are in my not so humble opinion, a most in-exhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury and remedy."_

_-_APWB Dumbledore_, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2  
_

A/N : As always, thanks to Elfprincess8 ! Also, thank you to everyone who took the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it, and it motivates me enormously !

**Warnings : Rude language.**

* * *

Chapter VII : **WHAT HAPPENS IN LONDON ...  
**

* * *

I was driving the large black Audi Q3 to the airport with Jacob by my side. We didn't talk, each one of us seemed lost in our own thoughts –although Jacob looked like he needed to catch up on some sleep.

I let my memories wander. That first time when Jacob had come to the house and blurted out we were soul mates ... If only anything had prepared me for THAT! I mean, a wolf comes in and tells a straight married man whom he has never spoken to that their souls are bound ? What. The. Fuck. If only Edward or Bella had had the foresight to warn me ... I didn't know, that Jacob had something that was really important to him or something ! Maybe I wouldn't have laughed my eyes out when he told me.

It's not that I didn't like the guy or anything. Well, I can't exactly say I knew him, but the general impression I had was that he was a nice guy with a crush on my little sister Bella. Not something I liked. And when he kissed her ? I mean who is that stupid ? But hey, a vampire-wolf relationship is bound to have a rocky start. Since then I actually was kind of glad he imprinted on me.

Don't get me wrong, I had no _feelings_ for him whatsoever, Rosalie was my mate and wife, but having a friend outside the Coven was ... _refreshing_, a nice change. Someone to talk to who wouldn't take side-well, obviously he would take mine, but that's not exactly a downside. Someone who wouldn't judge, someone whose thoughts wouldn't betray him as he never met Edward.

Speaking of Edward, of late I had succeeded in blocking out my thoughts from him, by simply thinking about one fixed thought. It demanded concentration, but at least I could hide when I really needed it. Having a mind-reader in the family could be a real pain sometimes ...

Anyway, back to Jacob. What was it now, one month ? He was now my only real friend. Of course, I had my family, but it wasn't really the same thing. I was kind of happy he tagged along, he was great company and maybe I'd be able to get more out if him than the usual unimportant conversations we engaged in. I was curious about him: where was his mother ? Was he an only child ? Since when did he like to fix cars so much ? Did he really drop out of school ? Didn't he have any other plans for the future ? Questions like that. I didn't want him to get uncomfortable, but that didn't mean I wasn't curious.

I remember after he first told me. Bella, aided by Edward, had chewed my head off for being such a dick. Well, she kind of had a point, but how was I supposed to know ?! Anyway, she tried to get me to talk to him a few times, as did Edward and Jasper, but I had brushed it off as unimportant. I mean, ok, we are soul mates, but I thought that didn't have to signify anything.

Well, turned out it did. Apparently thanks to my intelligent approach of the matter he was lying in bed moaning and saying he was dying ... Fucking drama queen ... That what I thought until I saw him anyway. He really was looking terrible, like he hadn't slept –when Billy told me he had slept two days. He looked like he had lost a few pounds of muscle too... That was enough to convince me I was wrong. This was partly my fault and I would right the scales. Sure he was a wolf, but he was Bella's friend, a relatively nice guy, and he would not die on my account. That much was sure.

Good thing Bella had been dramatic enough about the whole night to get me to move my arse to the border... Than the seven hours wait for a wolf I was on their fucking territory – I mean, weren't they supposed to be alert in case Victoria came around ?! But never mind, Sam did find me, and after a lot of glaring and third degree he escorted me to the Black Residence. I guess he was too afraid for his pack mate to openly accuse me, but too angry to be nice. Or maybe it was just rivalry ... But I thought it was more that he realized I was a vampire going into the wolf's den, so to speak, to make a dog feel better, and that it wouldn't have taken much to make me give up...

Then I had the pleasure of dealing with Billy. By then I was getting angry, wasn't it enough that Bella and Edward were shouting at me like I was some goddamn child ?! Did Sam and Billy really have to add another layer ? Anyway, after describing with colourful details how much and how Jacob had suffered thanks to me, I calmly said I could always leave if my presence was unwanted. That shut the old man's mouth. When I told him exactly how the whole 'coming out' had happened, he looked like he wanted to apologize to me, but I guess his pride was in the way. In any case it looked like I had gained step-dad's respect. I really felt like a husband asking for the father's approval to marry his daughter ... It was so wrong on so many levels...

Anyway, when I finally made my way to Jacob's bedroom, turned out he was already asleep. Or rather, he had been sleeping the whole day. I already emphasized how terrible he was looking, but I didn't say how guilty I felt. Suffice it to say I felt really bad. I don't anymore, but at the time I was determined to stay and make sure the whole situation was fixed. The night was pretty uneventful, if you except Jacob's wet dream of course ... It was hilarious to see him rub himself in bed while sleeping ! Well, until he moaned my name that is. Than it got awkward and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there ... But I stayed and lied when he asked if he had talked during his sleep. Poor boy was ashamed enough to have woken up hard and leaking to know the truth... But it did raise some questions.

Than we talked, and he tried to convince me that his feelings had nothing romantic. Considering what I had witnessed, I wasn't really inclined to believe him. In time when I failed to notice any stirring, side glances, hard-ons, I came to convince myself we were only friends and nothing more. Hopefully the status quo wouldn't change. I would hate to have to reject Jacob ... He was a sweet boy with a very gentle disposition –well, he was hot-headed, but so was I- and I felt like he had already had his share of people abandoning him, what's with his absent mother.

But I honestly didn't harbour any feelings beside friendship towards him ... Of course I would never tell him I lied when I said he smelt nice – he smelt fucking perfect ... But for some reason I didn't want to jump on him and drink myself to death, must be because he was a wolf. Back to the point, I didn't love him and I hoped he wouldn't fall in love with me. That was one of the reasons why I avoided physical contact with him, the best I had done was touch his shoulder or shake his hand. I convinced myself that if I didn't send him any message, his feelings for me wouldn't change. I was happy with him being my friend.

Than came Paul's attack. That was ... _out of the blue_ ... And after fighting with Rosalie, I wasn't exactly in the right set of mind ... It had taken both Edward and Jasper to prevent Carlisle from finishing Paul off. That stupid dog ... Everything was looking up, and that filthy shifter had had to give Carlisle a reason to be angry ... Even though angry was a hell of an understatement. It took a lot more than simple anger before Carlisle imploded, it took pure fury.

The Imprinting had downsides, namely Rosalie, Carlisle and Alice. Edward, for some reason I still didn't understand, was all for Jacob, Bella obviously was too. Jasper for some unknown reason had actually encouraged me to go talk to him a few times. Esme was happy with anything that made me happy. I think I secretly was her favourite for some reason ... And she was too full of kindness to ever be angry or hate someone.

That night when I had gone to talk to Jacob for the first time, I had spoken to Carlisle, Rosalie, and the rest of the family. Rosalie, still riled up after their fight, had mainly shown a deaf ear, pretended to be disgusted by the idea of 'having to smell the wolf's stink on you' as she had put it.

Carlisle had immediately been against the idea, had asked me what would become of Rosalie, and had explained that Jacob was supposed to be ... _my mate_. Ug, I really did not want to see that boy naked. The idea of seeing a naked wolf made me sick to the stomach. Anyway, back to Carlisle. He had also been worried about a war with the wolves, arguing the Imprint could only lead to problems. The stink issue was only an excuse to not admit the real problem. Edward had explained Jacob did stink, but it was easily forgettable. For some reason he knew that as long as Jacob kept clean, the stink was barely noticeable.

No, Carlisle was only genuinely concerned about Rosalie, who I think was his second favourite after Edward. Or it was only that she was the second to be changed. In any case I was very different from him, while he always acted with intent, I didn't, he always thought before talking, while I rarely did.

I think the idea behind him forbidding the wolves to come on our land was to prevent me from seeing Jacob. Between him and the pack, I think he hoped it would be too difficult for us to meet and that I would give up on Jacob. Well, I'm not about to let him dictate my life. I'm almost a hundred years old and I don't need a father anymore.

I guess Jacob would have to prove himself like I did with Billy Black. The last person against Jacob was Alice. The usually sweetest person was upset because he blinded her visions. For some reason I was the only one that affected. She said that my future disappeared from time to time. Sometimes she would see me and Rosalie happy together, sometimes she wouldn't see anything. I wasn't overly worried, as long as Rosalie and I were together, I would be happy. For the rest, I would take whatever happens when it came. However she had a more worrying theory, she seemed to think the blank points in her visions meant either that I would die, or worse, that I would end up with Jacob as my mate...

I had had a few too many fights lately, it would be nice to get away for a while. Carlisle was bristle with me of late, Alice glared my way every time she could, but the worst was Rosalie. We had fought at least twice a week since the Imprint. She would definitely try to kill me if she ever knew Jacob was coming with me to London. They all thought I was going alone to take care of the estates I owned there, and to breathe a bit far from everyone and everything. Well, Edward probably knew he was coming, but I don't think he'd mind or tell anyone. Maybe Bella, but she'd be happy too, so no need to worry about that.

But back to Rosalie. Our fights had mainly two reasons: I was too possessive and I spent too much time with Jacob. Of course she would be jealous of the time I spent with him, but I had expected that, it's only I hoped she would understand. Seems not, maybe she was worried he would somehow supplant her. I had explained to her countless times I wasn't interested or gay, but nothing did it. My possessiveness was another matter. Suzanna had already left me on that account, and Rosalie complained regularly about it, but that's just the way I was. That hadn't changed in a hundred years, and it would probably not change. If she couldn't accept me how I was ... well, there wasn't much I could do, I guess we would just have to chose different paths, as much as it pained me ...

We arrived at the airport, I parked and turned the engine off. Jacob was sleeping, and in that instant I couldn't help but think he was cute-ish in a very manly way ... I was glad he was here, I was sure to have a good time in London with him.

Tentatively, I whispered

"Jake ? We're here ..." When that didn't work I gently nudged his shoulder "Jacob ?" My cold touch startled him awake and I jerked my hand back. I had forgotten the difference of temperature between us. It must be almost painful for him when I touched him. I couldn't help but wonder why he would Imprint on me, everything separated us !

"Tired ?"

Jacob yawned "Naw, I just don't sleep very well when I haven't seen you the same day, but I sleep like a baby when you're around or when I've seen you." He grinned and I was happy to be able to procure him with comfort, even if I felt sorry that he was so dependent on me...

"Well, you get to sleep in my flat in London for a whole week. Let's go !" I jumped out of the car, fetched the luggage and we strode towards the airport chatting calmly. Soon we were on the plane towards London.

Jacob was excited, maybe a tinge nervous. He was looking around, jumping up and down, exploring, observing, taking in everything. It hit me that this must be the first time Jacob saw the inside of a plane. Hope he wouldn't discover he was afraid of being airborne... wolves weren't exactly made to fly ...

"Ok there Jake ?"

"Yeah !" He smiled widely, he didn't seem afraid, good.

"Good, some people don't like flying."

"You're not about to see me afraid, Em'."

"Oh, right ? Well, we'll see about that, won't we ?" I smirked, wait until the first turbulations and we'll see if he really is that brave !

The plane took off, and Jacob's excitement only grew. He was like a child who had gotten a fabulous present on Christmas Eve. He was looking out of the window, yelling out things like 'Hey, Em, look !' 'Wow, I can see tiny cars !' 'Hey, we have a TV ?!'

At one point though the plane dropped a few feet and Jacob jumped up, grabbing my hand and holding tight until we stabilized once more. I coughed awkwardly.

He looked at me, I lowered my eyes to his hand over mine, and when he followed my gaze he jerked his hand away.

"Sorry ..."

"It's ok. The cold doesn't bother you ?"

"Naw, it feels good, it's like I'm too hot all the time."

Ok so maybe we weren't that badly matched. The heat felt really good on me...

"You don't feel cold all the time?" Jacob wondered

"No, I don't remember what it feels like to be warm." I said sadly. That was one of the things I really missed. Feelings. Sensations.

"I'm sorry ..." He said.

"It's hardly your fault, Jacob."

"Do you regret Carlisle changing you ?"

I smiled "Actually it was Rosalie who changed me, and I do regret it, sometimes, but less than my siblings. What about you, wish all this hadn't happened to you ?"

He whispered "The Imprint or the whole wolf thing ?"

"Both."

"I don't know, I never thought about it. I just go with it..."

"So you don't mind being ... _dependent_ on me ?"

"I'm not dependent ! And I could have imprinted on like Rosalie or Carlisle ..." We both shuddered at the thought. That would have been ... weird !

I chuckled "Yeah, I guess it could be much worse !"

He asked hesitantly "Why did Rosalie change you ?"

My face closed. The memory of Suzanna came. "I don't want to talk about that. If she knew you're here with me she'd rip the skin off my back ..." I muttered

"You haven't told her ?" He asked, surprised.

"No, we always fight lately, no need to add to it."

"What happened ?"

I sighed. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but ... "You."

"Oh... I - Um ..." He was at a loss for something to say.

"It's ok, Jake, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is." He looked upset.

I put a hand on his shoulder and I got the impression that the simple gesture relaxed him "Ok, it is your fault, but it's not on purpose, so no need to dwell."

"Is Carlisle feeling less upset about all this ?"

"No, that's part of the reason I'm escaping to London. Alice, Carlisle and Rosalie are upset with me, it's getting really annoying."

He looked really bad. Shoot, I didn't mean to say that ...

"Ok, now I'm regretting the Imprint..."

"Jake, look, they'll get over it, so please don't worry. Let's talk about something else, yeah ? How did you get away from your garage ?"

Jacob didn't seem to mind the distraction. "I didn't have too many appointments, so I rescheduled the few I had. And I decided I'm only going to work part-time. I don't really need the money seeing as I don't have any expenses, and I'm never fully booked. So I decided I'm only going to be open on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Besides Sam has been nagging me about not giving my fair share of time to patrol duty, so that way I'll be able to make him happy."

"You don't regret quitting your studies ?"

"Naw, it's not like I could ever leave the rez, for one I need to stay near you, and I don't want to be away from the pack. What's the use of having a degree if I don't have the time to work ? My dad doesn't have a mortgage, I own my workshop, all I have to pay for is food and utilities. A simple garage is more than enough for that !"

I wasn't in love with his simple life, but I could understand he was stuck. And I guess that when you haven't touched the luxury I'd been bathing in since meeting Carlisle, you can't exactly miss it ...

"what about you Em', you don't need to work or anything ?"

"Nope, I'm stuck in high school for eternity ..."

"That's depressing ..."

"I could take up an employment too, but I don't have a degree, I died before I had the time to get one."

"So can't you get one now ?"

"Guess I could, but what would be the point ? I have no idea what I would want to study, nor what I would like to work with."

"Oh so you're wallowing in your own misery but not willing to do anything about it ?"

"Hey, Jake, I'm not wallowing, you drew your own conclusions. I said I was stuck at high school, you were the one who complained ..."

"Mmh, well, you know your way around a car, why don't you come help me?"

"Didn't you just say you don't have enough work ?"

"Well I never said you were going to get paid..." Jacob chuckled.

"Oh you want me to be your un-paid slave ?"

Jacob blushed "I – I didn't say that ..." Now why would the idea of me being his slave make him blush ?

"Jake, where is your mom ?" I asked bluntly, no use beating around the bush for a whole hour...

"She died in a car accident when I was eight, the same accident that left my dad paralyzed."

"Oh." Ok, maybe I was too blunt. But I had been frequenting death too much to say I'm sorry, that expression was ridiculous, it didn't bring any comfort.

"You're not going to say you're sorry?" Oh, we have a second Edward in the family guys !

"No, I never understood that custom..."

"Me neither ..."

Ok, time for a subject change "Do you know we're flying right for the premiere of James bond in London ? they're playing at Royal Albert Hall, with all the actors. I booked tickets before they sold out, I was hoping you'd want to go ..."

Jacob looked at me like I had just joked "Ha. Ha. Ha. Did Sam tell you it was my dream to meet Daniel Craig and Judie Dench and put your up to this ?"

Ok, so was that sarcasm or just plain ... weirdness ? I mean, Judi Dench could be interesting enough, but Daniel Craig ? The heap of muscle of loves to strip down ? Sure you're not gay Jakey ? "Um ... So what, you don't want to go ?" I asked cautiously

He opened wide eyes "you weren't joking ?"

"No, but I thought you were ..."

The rest of the flight revolved about a heated discussion of James Bond, the actors, and whether or not Jacob was gay. Uh, wait, I didn't say that last part. Let's just say that each time he argued Craig was a good actor, I winked my eyebrows suggestively and asked if he was sure not to have been bended by the actor (I know, lousy pun, but it got him pouting and blushing every time, so how could I resist torturing him ?)

* * *

The plane landed. The week passed. The flight back was short and uneventful. Soon we were back in Forks. I didn't want to think about the week ... Things had been ... Awkward and uncomfortable, not the great week with a friend I had expected ... I had taken my shirt off as soon as we crashed in the flat and Jacob had looked like he was going to fucking drool ... Let's just say I had been careful not to take my shirt of in front of him again. And when I had caught him staring at the waste-band of my underwear, I stopped wearing low waste jeans and had made sure to put belts on.

Well, maybe I exaggerate, apart from these awkward moments the week actually had been great, I just read too much into Jacob. We had had fun, I had taken care of my business, I had shown him around the city, we went to the Premiere (during which Jacob pointed out every single actor, gave me a thorough description of every single one, insisted on telling me exactly in which film Judie Dench and Daniel fucking Craig had played in). All in all it had been a welcome break.

Wait, I forget about that night. Jacob had gone to bed the first night and was looking at me expectantly, like he was thinking I would join him in bed !

"_Not sleeping ?" he asked me_

"_Uh, Jake ... I don't sleep, remember ?"_

"_Oh, right ! Sorry .." He looked disappointed. Ug, was he really thinking I wouldn't use the OTHER bed if there was the slightest chance I wanted to lie down ?_

"_That's alright, I guess you're not used to hang__ing__ out with vampires, but I'm going to rest and read a book anyway." Vampires never got tired, but we did get bored ..._

"_Ok !" He smiled and scooted to one side of the bed._

"_Uh, Jacob, I'm going to lie down in the other bed, you have the king size one of for yourself !" I had hoped he would be glad at that, turned out he looked disappointed. I sighed once in the other bedroom. What was it about us NOT becoming mates Jacob ?_

Anyway, after that he hadn't made any other suggestions, so in some way I was hoping to have discouraged him.

I drove home quickly, I was eager to be on my own for a minute, not that Jacob had been clingy or anything, but after one whole week glued by his side, I felt like I needed some personal time, which, obviously, would never happen, seeing as there was a whole vampire family waiting for me, probably wondering why I was stinking of wolf... I sighed.

"You're alright ?" Jacob asked worriedly

"Yeah, it's just living with six vampires can be tiring ..." I trailed off

"Isn't that one of the reasons why you left ?"

"Yup."

"But then, you're not happy to come back ?" Jacob looked confused.

"Guess I enjoyed myself too much" I grinned.

I pulled up in our drive way and at that precise moment six vampires (five of them looking really angry) came out of the house.

I grunted "I think you're going to have to make a quick escape... They're going to chop my head off, and yours too if you stay..."

"I'm staying to help out." Jacob said sure of himself.

I sighed "you most certainly are not going to do that. Leave. Now."

"No !"

"Jacob, no offense, but it's only going to get worse if you started butting in, let me take care of this."

"ok ok." Jacob looked resigned. I quickly transferred his luggage completely ignoring the glaring vampires and waited until he drove off slowly (I think he was hoping I would change my mind or that he would have a reason to come back)

Rosalie started "What the HELL is this about ?" She was pointing a menacing finger. Fuck that girl could be scary when she wanted, I almost felt like cupping my balls just in case ...

I decided to play ignorant "What ?"

This time Alice said "Your future disappears completely while you're away in London, you don't answer your cell or emails ! What are we supposed to think ? We almost booked tickets to London to see if you were still alive !"

Esme added "We were SO worried Emmett ! Don't ever do that again !"

Before I had a chance to say anything Carlisle said with his deep calm voice "It was very irresponsible of you Emmett, we thought you died. Why didn't you tell us that Jacob was coming with you ?"

Rosalie added another layer "And why did you bring HIM and not ME ?"

So much for a minute on my own to collect my thoughts ... I snapped "Are you going to let me TALK ?" I felt like breaking someone's neck !

Jasper said "I think you should let Emmett explain, he's about to explode ..." He was intelligent enough not to try to calm me. Their mouths all snapped shut. GOD ! Thank God for Jasper !

I breathed deeply a few times to control my emotions, I needed to get this right. "Right. Carlisle, Alice and you babe have been giving me a hard time because of Jacob, and it's really not fair either for me or for him. What am I supposed to do ? Let him die like the dog that he is ? Isn't that against everything you taught us, Carlisle ? Aren't you the one to preach patience and compassion ? Because lately you haven't shown much of any. Ask Bella, Jacob is a nice kid, and it's not at all his fault all this is happening. You might not be happy but that's tough ! I mean I didn't hear anyone complain when we had to protect Bella from James last year ! Jacob only asks for a few hours every other day to be happy, and personally I think we have more than enough time for that, don't you ? Alice, I'm sorry if you can't see my future anymore, but there's nothing I can do about it. Get over it. Rose, I'm not gay, and I have a friend, accept it. Carlisle, I'm not about to divorce your favourite girl because of a random wolf who's a great friend, I'm not about to start a war with Sam's gang, and I'm not asking for anything save a bit of time with Jacob. Is that too much to ask ? I'm sorry if I frightened you when Paul attacked Carlisle, but now I know that might happen, I'm not about to let him get to me. Plus thanks to my added strength I can easily defeat a wolf on my own, maybe even two. Esme, I'm sorry if I worried you, but it was too much, I had to get away, and rather than make Jacob suffer egocentrically, I chose to bring my friend to London. Now if you guys want to give me a hard time about that, well feel free to do so when I'm done hunting, because right now I need a fight with one of those cave bears. See you later." And I ran away full speed.

Gosh I hoped they would listen, I think I covered most of their issues ... Hopefully Edward and Jasper would calm things while I was away ...

When I came back, sated and satisfied, I found the whole family in the living room. When hearing me come back, Carlisle invited me to join them and started "First I want to say I'm sorry for what we all put you through Emmett. Edward helped us realize how much Jacob needs you and how cruel it would be to deprive him of that right, we all remember how painful it was for Edward at the beginning... I also want to thank you for making me, us come to our senses. But I have to say this matter could still become explosive, the Quileutes hate us much more then we despise them, one false step and all this could go very wrong. What I'm trying to say is that, for my part at least, I guess it's going to take some time before I get used to the idea, but if you're happy with how this is working, then Esme and I will support you." He sat back down and Alice stood up.

"Em', I'm sorry, I was just worried and it's new for me to not see someone of my family ... And just so you know, I can't see any part of your future anymore, so I guess you'll just have to be careful. Like for Carlisle, I guess it's going to take some getting used to ..." She sat back down

"Thank you." I said humbly.

My love stood up "How about we take the rest in our room Em' ?"

I smiled "Sure." Good thing all our rooms were totally sound-proof... We all (except virgin-Edward) –that made him glare at me- had an active sexual life and an acute hearing after all. The only one that would spy was Edward. Plus I'm kind of noisy during sex, so the sound-proofed bedrooms were really good ...

We blurred up to the room and I sat myself in the comfortable couch, letting go of all the tension of the past few days.

"Em', you know I love you ... I just can't help but feel jealous ..." She looked pointedly at me.

I sighed "I know, luv', I just can't do much about it ... I know it's unfair I escaped a whole week with him, but it was that or the three of us, what would you have preferred ?"

"I know, Em' ... I understand, I really do, it's just difficult for me to share you, that's all."

Suddenly I got a brilliant idea "How about I take you out tonight to make up for it ?"

Rosalie smiled "Yeah, I'd love that ! Want to go now ?"

"Hum, I'll just take a shower, change and we're off !" I jumped up and after taking out a sexy change, I bolted for the shower, I was looking forward to a hot shower !

A second later I was locked into the bathroom (for privacy), naked under the hot water. God did it feel good !

Anyway, soon I was with Rose in the club. We were both wearing hot outfits (I could not wait to come home and get my hands on my beautiful wife, make up for lost time as it is) and pretending to drink ourselves silly.

After a while I dragged my hot wife to the dance floor where we started to make everyone drool –it was always annoying to have both guys ANG girls checking out my wife, and to have both girls AND guys checking me out, but you get used to it.

The problem is that after a few songs, we had to stop, the lack of sweat on our bodies started to get suspicious, what with everyone watching our every move. So we decided to go sit for a while, 'cool down', as it were. That was when Rosalie got the craziest idea (have I mentioned that I love my wife ?)

"Hey Em', I've got the perfect idea, let's pour a whole lot of water on ourselves and get a little wet ! That way no one can tell we're not sweating, AND there's the fact that we're both wearing white tonight..."

My non-girl brain took a while to catch on to the fact that wet white actually got kind of transparent, but when it did, I bolted for the bar and ordered a large bottle of water. Of course the barman looked at me like I was crazy, but who cares ?

I came back, a large grin plastered on my face

"So who's first ?"

"Give me that hun', I'll get you wet" Rose said with a wink –Maybe getting wet in white pants WITH a hard-on wasn't a great idea... But I didn't have much of a choice at this point.

And when she said wet, she actually meant drowned, I was soaking by the time she was done with me. Needless to say I got my revenge !

We made our way back to the dance floor and lit it up like last time, only this time we didn't plan on stopping.

That was, until some courageous (or foolish) idiot started groping my wife – groping here means getting into her personal space. I growled but the damn bitch played on and actually started to grind herself between me and him. I had never felt so humiliated. My wife, doing this ?

"Rose, quite it, it's not fun."

"Aw come on Em', no need to feel threatened !" She yelled over the loud music and allowed his hands to start roaming near her waste.

I immediately pulled her out of the club.

"What the fuck was that Rose ?" I lashed out, furious.

"Hey, you had your fun with that doggy, so you don't get to complain." She said irritated.

Oh so that's what it was all about? Getting back at me ? "It's not at all the same thing, there is nothing sexual between me and him, you were practically fucking yourself on him!" I yelled.

"WHAT ? You're crossing a line, Em' ! I was having my fun just like you did in London !" God she could be spiteful !

"I don't care Rose ! It's not the same AT ALL ! I don't want you to do that EVER AGAIN !" HOW COULD SHE EVEN INSINUATE THE TWO SITUATIONS WERE LINKED ?

"FUCK OFF EMMETT !" She yelled back

"I'M NOT THE ONE FUCKING AROUND HERE!" By then I didn't care what I said anymore.

When I said that she just smiled "You know what Emmett Cullen ? I don't think we understand each other anymore. You like dick and I'm short in that domain. So let's just call it even, yeah ?" She said, before going to savagely kiss the bouncer. She even let him grope her arse !

She turned back to me with a triumphant smile "You'll be getting the papers about the divorce soon enough. I won't hold it against you if you can't wait to get the dog's dick up your arse." And she ran off to the car, turned the engine on and sped away.


	8. The Sound of Silence

" '_Fools' said I 'You do not know  
Silence like a cancer grows  
Hear my words that I might teach you  
Take my arms that I might reach you'  
But my words like silent raindrops fell  
And echoed  
In the wells of silence " _

_- _Simon and Garfunkel_, Sound of Silence  
_

A/N : Thanks to elfprincess8 for her amazing help ! Enjoy the chapter ! Please tell me what you think too, I love your reviews !

**Warning : Erotic dream**

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Chapter VIII : **THE SOUND OF SILENCE**

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I was lying in bed with a big goofy grin that refused to leave my face. The week with Emmett had been more than great ! It was probably the best ever week since ... Since ... uh, since a very long time. Actually I was so happy that I texted Emmett.

To Emmett: _Hey Em' ! I just wanted to say I had the best week ever in London ! And I realized I never thanked you properly for everything, so THANK YOU ! I've got to work tomorrow, but could I see you Saturday ? By the way, how did your family take it ? Hope your great wife didn't chew your head ... Hope to see you soon ! Jake_

I couldn't stop myself from being sarcastic about Rosalie, she was such a bitch ... How could he marry her ? And what did he see in her anyway ? I would have to ask that next time I saw him ... I had seen them together once or twice, they seemed really in love ... Like REALLY in love. I had seen them kiss once, and cuddle once too, they had seemed in perfect harmony.

Why did I think about that ? Oh yeah, now I remembered ... THAT's why.

**[Flashback]**

The plane landed, it was night time in London. We took the tube to Emmett's flat, and I headed straight for bed, exhausted and intending on making the best of my time here.

"Em', I think I need to go to bed ..."

"Yeah, sure, I put our cases in the master bedroom" He shouted from the kitchen.

By the time I was ready for bed, in my boxers, Emmett came in with one of those breakfast-in-bed trails with some funny looking drink and a plate stuffed full with pasta and roast chicken.

"Hungry ?"

"Famished." The smell of food made me realize just how hungry I was. How come a vampire knows when I'm hungry better than me ? Aren't they supposed to ... NOT eat ? I dug in heartily while Emmett left the room. God this was good ! I loved chicken ... and pasta, how did he know that ? Probably just luck ...

When I was done I went to wash out the dishes and crept down under the heavy quilt. I almost moaned, this was sooo good: my favourite meal, in a flat alone with my Imprint on the other side of the Ocean and in the most comfortable bed I had ever been in. This couldn't get much better.

Wait, erase that last part. Emmett came in, started rummaging through his case and took his shirt off. So, I understand the whole 'between men' thing was probably why he wasn't prudish. Wait, that's not it, it was because there was nothing to be a prude about ... He was sculpted like one of those Greek God statues ! He even had almost the same skin colour !

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" Emmett said, a funny look on his face.

"Sor – What ? I – Um ..." I stuttered.

"Mmh ... You should check out that stammering Jake ... Anyway, I'm going to take a shower."

When he left I caught a glimpse of the waste band of his boxers under his low-rise jeans, which only picked my curiosity. Wait – WHAT ? I'm not ... I don't ... No ! I am NOT checking Emmett out. Definitely not. Or am I ?

Oh fuck it, he was built like a God, he not only had the chest, he had the whole freakin' body ! Of course I was checking him out, purely professional of course, I wanted the same chest. Even with my wolf genes I wasn't built like him ... No fair. And I bet he doesn't even need to go to the gym ... No fair at all.

The image of his abs was burnt in my memory. Fuck he was hot.

What the HELL was wrong with me ? I'm not gay ! I just ... was impressed with how defined my imprint's body was, that's all. As I said, strictly professional, as my duty as Imprinter. Totally normal. I mean, seeing as it was my job to protect him, the more muscular and powerful he was, the better, right ?

Emmett came back from the shower, this time with a wet tank top and damp hair. This was torture, how was I supposed to do anything but stare ?

I disguised my problem by asking "Not sleeping ?"

"Uh, Jake ... I don't sleep, remember ?" He had this funny look again, whatever it was.

"Oh, right ! Sorry .." Stupid question Jacob !

"That's alright, I guess you're not used to hanging out with vampires, but I'm going to rest and read a book anyway."

I scooted over "Ok !"

"Uh, Jacob, I'm going to lie down in the other bed, you have the king size one of for yourself !" Oh. Right, of course, two bedrooms. Was that disappointment I felt ? Yes, I was disappointed at not having my Imprint near me all night. Obvious, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Emmett had such a perfect physique. Nothing at all. Whatsoever. Nada. Niet. Rien

I turned to lie on my stomach and let my head drop in the pillow. Was it so bad to be gay ?

That was a difficult question. The implications were too great to even consider. I had never been attracted to a guy, maybe it was only because I was supposed to ... like my Imprint ? No sense much ?

Ug. When did my life become so complicated ? That was my last thought before falling into a deep sleep.

"_Yup, Jake, I'm coming to bed" Emmett said, grinning, stripping down to his boxers, revealing those perfect thighs I had dreamt about. He crept under the cover and pressed himself tightly against me._

_I crashed my lips on his, desperate for sensations. At the mean time I felt his icy fingers make their way slowly down my abs, leaving a trail of burning nerves. His hand reached into the boxers at the same exact moment his tongue penetrated my mouth. He began furiously jerking me off while I hold him tightly against me, kissing him with all I had. In seconds I was coming all over us._

"_Jake, I lov-" _

"Jacob ! Time to get up !" I jumped up. Emmett was watching me, smiling "Hello sleepy-head ! It's almost ten, I thought we should take advantage of the little time we have ..."

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes "Yeah, you're right, I'll be up in a minute !"

The week passed by quicker than I could imagine time passing. We were out from ten to midnight every day, enjoying the time together. Thankfully, there were no more awkward episodes like the first night, and we were on great terms. Emmett served as my guide and showed me around everything that could possibly be visited. I drank in everything gladly and took millions of pictures for dad and the pack.

Emmett paid for every single one of my meals, but seeing the state of my finances, I couldn't exactly protest. He made me eat different stuff every time, and seemed thrilled to watch me enjoy it, asking me to detail the tastes, to rate the meals, to describe the sensations on my tongue. He seemed nostalgic ...

We even went to the James Bond Premiere at Royal Albert Hall, near Imperial College, and I made sure to get autographs of my two favourite actors.

**[End flashback]**

All in all the week was per-fect. I fell asleep.

It was Saturday and no news from Emmett. I didn't feel very well. The week had been great except for the fact that by the end I figured out what was happening to me; I was craving more from Emmett than only company. I noticed it one morning when he woke me up by gently shaking my naked shoulder. I felt ... complete, when he was there. Guess Imprinting was much more complicated than only friends or lovers. I must have landed somewhere in between because I was aching for Emmett to touch me now... Well, not aching, more like hoping he would.

What made my day was that he let me sleep with my head rested on his shoulder on the plan trip back. I fell asleep in seconds and didn't wake up until we landed.

And now I was jealous. Jealous of what Rosalie had and I didn't.

All this to explain one thing: I was hoping Emmett would break it off with Rosalie, but seeing how symbiotic they were, it was more a dream than anything else. Like with Bella I was the third wheel, the emergency tire.

And that made me feel like trash. However great the trip had been, however much I tried to kid myself, by the time I realized all this, I couldn't help but feel depressed.

I think Emmett felt it, because it got ... awkward after a while. Or at least he sensed something was up, I could only hope he had no idea what was really going through my head. I could remember that moment when all the pieces of the puzzle fell together and I understood.

**[Flashback]**

I was lying on the grass in Hyde Park next to Emmett. The sky was grey so we weren't afraid of exposure. In three days we were flying back. The days had flown past. Emmett had taken me to the Skyfall Premiere, to Buckingham Palace, to take a trip up London Eye, Big Ben. Of course then we went to see Tower Bridge, the Shakespeare globe, London Tower (I found myself fascinated by the dungeons and the torture rooms).

We went for shopping on Oxford Street, we strolled around London Temple. We had a go at Ice Skating in Hyde Park (I was transfixed by Emmett's skill), we checked out the famous City and the Cucumber building.

Emmett got me into two clubs although I wasn't eighteen yet (apparently being VIP had more usefulness than I thought), we tried different bars, fancy restaurants, cafés, traditional pubs.

One night Emmett got us on a Boat Party on the Thames (it got very awkward when a guy suggested a threesome, but I THINK Emmett didn't hear that ...)

Oh yeah, one thing I discovered in London, as opposed to Forks or the rez, people don't give a second's thought if you're native, black, white, muslim, jewish or gay.

The last part is important as it got me thinking. If I hadn't been brought up by my father on the rez', would I think of myself as gay ?

I mean, not _gay_, gay, but gay, gay. Oh fuck it. I would never fall in love with anyone now that Emmett literally was the centre of my universe, I thought he was hot and I wanted him to touch me. What else could I possibly be ? Asexual ? Considering that the rest of my life would be spent as a secluded monk following my Imprint's every whim...

When we came home from that bloody Boat Party, Emmett read aloud one of Bitchs' texts. I was in my bed and I could hear him whisper love words, giggle like a love-sick teenager before he locked himself up in his bedroom. Was I destined to stay alone forever ? I felt like crying.

**[End Flashback ]**

After that night in London, I did my best to smile but the heart wasn't there anymore. It was somewhere down in my shoes. And now Emmett was probably with Rosalie, me completely forgotten. He didn't even answer my text.

Another day passed. We were now at Sunday. I sent him another text last night. Still no answer. I didn't feel so good. I wasn't tired, but the exhaustion wouldn't come before another week or two. Not only did Emmett make me feel bad in London, but he was twisting the knife in the wound. Of course none of this was his fault.

It was my fault, my problem, and I could blame no one for what was happening, not even myself.

Why wasn't Emmett giving any sign of life ? I thought we at least were good friends ! I needed _at least _that to go on. He was my lifeline. I needed to see him from time to time ! Otherwise I would go crazy ! Not to mention all the other stuff that would eventually happen ...

Had I been too obvious about my feelings in London ? Had he seen through the mask ? Was he too disgusted by me to even write to me ? Was that why he didn't contact me ?

I had accepted the idea of being the stranger in the house, the person too much around the poker table, the extra chair that has to be brought in for Christmas Dinner.

**[Flashback]**

We were on the plane, flying back to Seattle. Although the last days I had felt miserable, I was realizing how stupid I had been. I had spent a whole week in London with my Imprint and I was complaining about the third wheel ? Maybe the candle-holder was Rosalie, not me ... Maybe I could get between the two, get deep below Emmett's skin and stay anchored there forever, the loyal friend whom you could talk to, the one person he would always be able to confide in, the wolf that would always take his side when the pack was clouded by the menace of civil war.

"Want to sleep, Jake ? You look tired ..."

I shook myself from my thoughts. Emmett was looking at me with a strangely fondly looking smile on his face.

"Not very comfortable .. Too warm" I complained. After my first trip I discovered I hated planes. Not enough space for my legs, feeling crammed in. And we were in business class... What could economy possible feel like ?

"Come over here buddy." Emmett put a strong muscular arm around my neck and pulled me onto him. His hand rested on my bicep, and my head was leaning in on his powerful shoulder.

I melted onto him. I was in the place I wanted to be: in Emmett's arms. I felt like the world could fuck itself as long as I could stay here forever. Who cared about Rosalie, Bella, Sam, or even Carlisle when they could have _this_ ?

Who cares about being the third or the fifteenth wheel when I was leaning against my Emmett ?

I feel asleep like a dead weight and awoke in Emmett's arms. He hadn't moved an iota all flight.

**[End flashback]**

I could remember the feeling of his hand resting on my arm, the icy coolness that seeped my warmth away, providing me with the perfect temperature, the sensation of my head resting against the soft yet taught tissue of his muscular shoulder.

But now that was gone.

I could remember the laughs we shared, the easy banter, the tricks we played on passer-bys when we got bored.

Gone too.

I could remember the peaceful moments of calm we shared. The sound of the silence reigning on its icy throne. The subtle yet frightening moment when light shifts to darkness, the moment before the fall off the edge of the mountain, the moment when peaceful silence becomes an anxious void.

I was feeling empty. The icy flame that had been burning in me quenched, Emmett was gone.

When Edward had left, Bella had described his absence as an Edward-shaped hole in her heart.

Well, I would use the same comparison, except Emmett took so much space he had taken the whole damn thing with him.

The following days I felt like I was a passive observer of my own life. On Wednesday I decided to call my Imprint. I had left one text per day, but I could not wait anymore.

I dialled his number anxiously. Would he answer ? Would he let it ring ? Would he answer then ask me to never call him again ? Would he answer then ask me to suppress all my feelings ? Would he be angry ? What if he was irritated by my many calls and texts ?

The phone went straight to voicemail "_Hey ! you've reached Emmett, but I'm too busy kissing my perfect wife ! Leave a message and I'll call you back if I have the time !"_

I had never noticed his voicemail. That was before. Before I accepted to come to London. Before I royally fucked everything up. Of course he would talk about Bitch in his voicemail. Why wouldn't he ?

The week passed. Friday I noticed my hands had started to tremble. I was in a bad shape, I was losing sleep. This was too much. I couldn't think straight. What if something happened to him ? Would I feel it ? What if he was dead ? Shouldn't I be too ? No, of course, I was left to endure and suffer.

The food on my mouth was ash, water in my throat did not satisfy my thirst, sleep did not help me rest.

I couldn't do this.

Or could I ?

Maybe I could ...

I made my decision. I jumped into my car and sped away to the Cullens'. If I was going to die, might as well try. No one would say I had gone down without a fight.

I didn't care what they would say. I needed to see him. Feel him. Hear him.

Then I would leave, and come back every week like this if I needed to. I would not suffer because of some egoistic vampire who doesn't care what happens to his Imprinter. I would forget all about him, get my weekly fix and that's it.

I strode towards the door, and prepared to charge in but it opened before I had the chance to.

Edward was standing there, looking grim. For the first time I wished I could hear his thoughts.

"Hi, Jacob. Come in." He didn't say anything else. Hadn't Emmett given strict instructions about not letting me in ? what about Carlisle ?

"Jacob." Carlisle nodded as he acknowledged me. I hadn't seen him. The whole family was assembled in the living room.

"I need to see Emmett..." The whole family except Emmett and Blondie. My heart bled at the thought of them being together forgetting all about me. Was I really trash ? Did no one care ? Didn't Emmett care ?

Edward winced, obviously tuned into my thoughts. That's when I noticed they were all looking wary... and sad ?

"Could you please leave me with Jacob ?" Carlisle asked apologetically. They all blurred away.

"Jacob, you can't see Emmett ..."

I knew it. "He doesn't want to see me?" I forced the words out.

He sighed "He doesn't want to see anyone. That day when you came home, he went out with Rosalie and came home late. He hasn't spoken to anyone since. When we try to get into his room he runs out... I'm sorry, Jacob, but you're going to have to leave. I know I haven't been fair with you, but I can't let you get into this problem right now, it's difficult enough. I promise to treat you and your pack better in the future, but I have to take care of my family first. Emmett is priority."

"What happened ?" I almost didn't want to know.

"It's not my place to say. I'm sorry, Jacob, I'll call you if there is any change, I promise."

Maybe it wasn't about me ? Maybe I wasn't forgotten ! I said with renewed vigour "NO. I need to see him, or I'm going to have to lie in bed all week. I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen, but I don't have a choice. Please tell me what happened and I'll try to talk to him ?"

"Jacob, it's no use. I've known him for almost a hundred years and I can't get through to him, there is nothing you can do."

"Well, if I don't try, we'll never find out. Besides, what's the worse that could happen ?"

Carlisle thought hard for a few seconds then gauged me with an intensive gaze.

"Alright. But if something bad happens, I'll have no choice but to get you out of there."

I didn't wait, I ran up the stairs to his room. I knocked on the door. No answer.

"Emmett, it's Jake, please let me in, I really need to see you."

The door opened. Emmett was looking horrible, even compared to me. I instantly felt my tremors, my breathing and my brain calm down.

His state was alarming. His hair was all over the place, his T-shirt was ripped off in several places, his eyes were pitch-black but injected with what looked like blood. His lips were blue, and his skin wasn't white, it was borderline translucide.

"Emmett ? What happened ?"

He looked at me with a heave gaze "Jacob, get your fix and get out of here, I'm not in the mood to talk." His tone was bitter, dead. The usual glitter in his eyes gone, the enthusiastic jumping of his voice anchored to the bottom of the ocean.

"Em', please just tell me what happened, we don't need to talk..."

He looked at me, and this time his eyes were loaded with the misery of the world, they spoke self-loathing, pitying, self-torture and defeat.

"She left. Rose left. I scared her away. I'll never get her back."


	9. Turning the Tables

"_You think you are wise, yet for all your subtlety you have not wisdom."_

_- _Denethor of Gondor_, The Lord of the Rings : The Return of the King  
_

A/N : Thank you elfprincess8 for her amazing work and depraving herself of sleep so you would get this chapter as soon as possible !

**No Warning.**

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Chapter IX : **TURNING THE TABLES**

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Jacob sat with his mouth open wide.

"Rosalie .. left ?" Yeah go on, rub it in jackass !

"I'm not in the mood, just leave." I said turning around. I was standing in front of the glass wall.

"I'm not leaving, Em'. I am staying here until you talk to me." I heard him sit down on my king size bed.

"Well then, I hope you packed a toothbrush." I said. Seconds passed. Seconds stretched into minutes. Minutes stretched into hours. My mind was blank, void of any thoughts. The only thing I wanted to think about was Rosalie, but I couldn't, it was too painful to think about her now that I would never have her again. My chest was hurting. I couldn't for the life of me remember when I had felt pain ... Except that night when I had first met Rose.

When she had first left, I had debated running after her. But I knew Rose, once she made up her mind, she didn't budge.

And in case I doubted that I would ever change, that I would ever stop being possessive, so what was the point ? What was the point of fighting for her if I was only going to repeat the same mistakes ? Well, the answer was easy: there was no point.

The best I could do was pick up the pieces and move on. But I didn't want to, I wanted to cling to the sweet memories, to the perfect moments we had had when we were happy, before all this. Before Jacob.

Something clicked in my mind and I understood what Carlisle had been afraid of all the time, this was it, except I got hurt and not Rose... Or maybe we both did. Maybe I should never had gone to him that night, maybe I should have listened to Carlisle and never mixed with the wolves ... Maybe ...

But now it was too late, wasn't it ? There was nothing I could do now. Nothing, except suck it up and stop wallowing in self-pity. I turned around from where I had been standing unmoving and saw Jacob sleeping soundly in my bed. So much for making me talk. I felt a bit guilty for not giving him any sign of life, he didn't look that good when he came this morning ... Probably my fault. Or his.

Whatever, I still didn't want to talk to him. This was all his fault. I left the room, closed the door silently and strode down the stairs. All the family was sitting there, their faces tense. One week, it had been one week since that night with Rose, and I hadn't talked since. Obviously Edward had told them everything, Jasper had probably summarily explained how I was feeling, Alice ... Well, she had probably seen it coming, and Rose's absence couldn't have gone unnoticed. So I didn't exactly _need_ to talk to them, but I knew I had to. They deserved to know.

I went down to sit beside Esme and put an arm around her shoulders.

I sighed "I'm sorry for what I put you through ..."

Carlisle smiled "It's alright, Emmett, we don't blame you, we just want you to know that we all are here for you."

Alice said "Emmett, I'm really sorry, but I can't see your future since you left to go to London, I swear I would have warned you if I had known !" She looked upset. She didn't like not seeing things coming. She hated it in fact, she liked to think that she could protect us all, that she could foresee everything.

"Alice, it's Jacob's fault if you can't see, and I really don't blame you, I am the one who should have seen this coming ..."

Edward politely asked "Where is Jacob now ?"

I rolled my eyes "Sleeping on my bed. He said he was going to stay until I talked, and since I didn't talk I guess he figured he wasn't going to change his mind... Stubborn dog..."

Carlisle had a funny look on his face "Well, whatever he did, it worked." I hadn't seen it that way. What HAD he done ? Somehow that devious bastard had made me understand I couldn't hide away forever... Damn maybe he wasn't as stupid as I first thought ... Or it was just dumb luck.

I felt conflicted about Jacob. He somehow got me out of my depressed mood, but it was all somehow his fault... Even if he hadn't done it on purpose ...

"You should talk to him, Em'." Edward said pertinently. Of course he had been rummaging through my head ... "Can't help it Em'..." Edward smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, I guess you're right ... But I'm going to go hunting first, I'm parched !" I declared before blurring out.

As soon as I crossed the Canadian border, I stopped dead. I let my thoughts and emotions run freely. I had kept my sorrow at a minimum and my thoughts locked, hopefully Edward and Jasper had taken the bait. I slumped down on a tree stump and let the tears stream free. I cried silently for the better part of the night, letting the pain take over, feeling a dagger twist in my heart, a sharp pain in my chest.

I stayed unmoving, my arms hugging myself, rocking slowly. Last time the love of my life had left I had gone to fight a bear and died.

The firs rays of sun hit me. A new day was born, and a new resolve rose up in me as I started to shine in the nascent morning. I would make the same mistake I made such a long time ago; if the time with Rosalie had taught me one thing, it was that I was better than this, I would not let her get the best of me.

After a night of mourning came a day of rebirth. I was going to fight a bear, but this time I would win. And I would drench him, sucking up his life force, using it for myself. Then I would return home a new man.

While I scouted for a bear, I also sorted out my head, I knew that was important seeing as Edward would likely be rummaging up there, he was much too cautious. And I didn't want to pretend like everything was fine when it was not.

Jasper would feel the dull ache I was now feeling, and I had to make sure I wanted Edward to see whatever he would see.

So first question, what did I feel about Rosalie ? Love ? No, not anymore. More like ... Longing. And betrayal. She would get her fucking divorce without a fight, and I sincerely hoped I wouldn't have to see her again before a while, that would NOT be easy...

Second question, what about Jacob ? That question was more complicated. Sure, he had been a good friend, he had insisted on seeing me, he had succeeded in getting me out of my torpor, and I guess I was grateful for that... But the rest ? The spiteful text I received from him '_hope your great wife didn't chew your head off'_ he had said sarcastically. I mean, ok, he didn't know we had split up, but that didn't grant him the right to insult my soon-to-be ex-wife.

Then again, I had to see this from his perspective, he was probably as jealous as Rose. All those side-glances, comments about me going to bed with him ? What were those ? Did I even want to know ?

I had to be honest though, having someone like Jacob, who could physically not leave me like Rose or Suzanna felt good. It felt safe. No matter what I would have this friend there.

But did I really ? I mean, I honestly had no clue about exactly how this imprinting stuff worked ... But from what I understood, Jacob was pretty much stuck with me, and _vice versa_.

But I couldn't deny he had eyed me once or twice like he was going to eat me alive, and I didn't know if I wanted to go there, if I wanted to take the risk that our friendship would change. The month with him had been great, but I couldn't for the life of me imagine falling for him ! And from what Carlisle had told me, there were good chances he would fall for me. And I didn't want him to suffer from rejection, I knew more than well how that felt like.

But what were my options ? I could let events unfold, or I could push him away, which would end up hurting him anyway ... The best I could do was not mislead him, not lead him to think there was a chance for _us_ being anything more, and put on velvet gloves if I ever had to tell him that. Of course lessening the blow would barely make it less painful, but it's not like I could force myself to return feelings he might have, or even that I wanted to return those feelings.

Of course there was still a good chance he wasn't gay, that I was reading into it because of what Carlisle told me, and that we would be great friends until the end of time. But a small part in me yelled that things would happen, that feelings would change, that hearts would bleed.

All this didn't answer my question. Was I angry with him ?

Finally I located a cave bear. I followed the scent to its owner, a giant Grizzly of the North.

I lunged.

We fought.

I conquered.

With a victorious snarl I snapped its neck and ripped through its chest, savagely pulling out the beating warm heart. Holding out the thrumming organ in front of me, I realized how ironical the situation was. "_To be or not to be_?" Well, I had chosen to be.

The first time I came across a bear, it mauled me to death, but it happened only because I wanted it so. Then Rosalie stole my heart. And now I was taking it back.

I plunged my fangs deep in the right ventricle and sucked the warm sticky liquid out of it. I then bared his neck and drank him dry.

I could literally feel the tremors in my body calm, the dizziness evaporate, the thirst disappear.

I felt better. I had left in the night a broken man and was coming back a new man. I blurred back home.

On the front porch I stopped and realized that I was drenched in blood, but that was old news, I always ended up like this after a fight with a bear. My ripped shirt did a poor job of covering my upper half and one of the legs of my jeans was gone, revealing my leg up to my thigh.

I entered and immediately noticed the unusual smell of bacon and eggs cooking. Intrigued, I went to the kitchen, where I found Jacob stuffing his face with food, Esme and Carlisle looking over him fondly. Jacob turned, noticed me, and his whole face lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.

* * *

I was eating the best bacon and eggs I had ever tasted when I heard – and smelt- someone coming into the kitchen. I turned around, noticed Emmett looking at me with a surprised look, and couldn't help a goofy grin lit up my face.

**[Flashback]**

I woke up with a start. It took a few seconds to get my bearings, at first I had no idea where I was, but soon I remembered going to the Cullen's. I also remembered lying down on Emmett's bed, patiently waiting for him to talk, enjoying the renewed silence between us two. And I had fallen asleep like some fucking tired child put to bed by his parents ! ARG ! I had meant to stay wide awake all night until that stone-headed lovely fool finally opened up to me !

That's when I noticed said fool was gone. I jerked out of bed and burst out of the room, striding down the stairs to the living room, where the clock indicated 11AM. No wonder he hadn't stuck around for me... Or maybe it was only that he had ran away as soon as I had fallen asleep.

"Good morning, Jacob." I whirled around, Carlisle was standing there, a smile on his lips.

"Hello Dr. Cullen." I nodded lightly to acknowledge him. Neither of us had forgotten the fight of the day before.

"Jacob, I want to thank you and say that I am truly sorry. I am extremely grateful because, whatever you said to Emmett worked, he was much better this morning. And I am sorry because I realize now that, not only did you never have a choice, but you might be a much better match with my son than Rosalie ever was. I want you to know that you can consider this your home as long as you want, and I hope some day you will consider yourself part of this family." Meet the in-laws, check.

"Dr. Cullen –"

"Carlisle, please."

"Carlisle, I'm grateful, but I want to assure you there is nothing between me and Emmett other than friendship ..." I wasn't sure what he was implying, but I was sure I didn't like whatever he was implying !

Carlisle smiled "Jacob, I don't mean to be prying, but I am a few centuries old, and I know all about imprinting, not once has the imprinted not fallen in love with his imprint. You may not be at that stage, yet, but believe me, it will happen. That's part of the reason why I was worried, one of you three would inevitably be hurt, and knowing Emmett, it wouldn't have been you."

The implications of this were too vast to consider. I didn't even want to know what this meant...

"Anyway, enough with the heavy, how about some breakfast to start to make up for everything I've said and done ?"

My stomach chose that precise moment to grumble its agreement. Carlisle smiled. "Yes, I would really like that." I answered. I followed him into the kitchen, and there Esme was, preparing breakfast, the delicious smell of bacon and eggs filling the huge room. A plate was already there, filled with a mountain of food. Carlisle's acceptance –which had meant much more to me than I thought it would- seeing Emmett and knowing he was well was enough to make my appetite return, particularly after a good night's sleep, in Emmett's bed at that. I hadn't even thought of that, I had fallen asleep in Emmett's bed, and although his scent was faint in it, it was his ! And I had been too worried to even appreciate it !

While I gladly ate –Esme putting a second plate in front of me each time the first one was half depleted- I considered everything that had happened. What Carlisle had said was something I had somehow always considered, suspected to be true and feared.

I had no idea what my feelings for Emmett were, absolutely none. All I knew was that I loved above all else when he holds me tight, I love his scent, and I can't stand being away for more than a few days –and even that is long and difficult. He was ... a great friend ? No, it was more than that. But what ? No idea.

**[End of Flashback]**

His tone was flat when he said "Take a picture, it'll last longer." I tried to turn my eyes away, I really did, but he looked perfect, his abs showing, his muscular thigh, his animalistic satisfaction at being sated after a good hunt. God help me if I wasn't attracted to the guy's physique.

"You have a bit of drool there, Jacob" Emmett said, tapping his chin mockingly.

That snapped me out of my trance. Ok, maybe I was a tad too obvious about it ...


	10. Confusions

"_I wish none of this had happened …_

_-So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."_

__-Gandalf and Frodo, _The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring_

A/N: I want to thank Forever Cullen, lette2001, zacty2010, Hank's Lady and ant1gon3 for following my story and reviewing every single time ! Then I want to thank elfprincess8 a million times for all the help, despite everything she always give me a chunk of her time !

**No Warnings. **

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Chapter X: **CONFUSIONS**

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We were sitting deep in the forest. After I had seen Emmett come home, his usual joking attitude back, he had politely waited for me to finish my breakfast version XXL, before asking if we could talk. He had guided me in the forest deep in Cullen lands.

"So, you have finally decided to talk ?" I asked.

Emmett faced me "Yes. But I'm not sure what I want to say yet."

Uh … Ok ? I squinted "What is that supposed to mean ?"

"It means that I'm not sure how I should act around you, it means I managed to fool Carlisle and Esme, but I have no reason to lie to you. Rose's actions hurt me more than I can say, but most of all, it is the reason we fought I'm upset over."

Right. Maybe he had lost a few neurons at some point during the night ? "Em', you're not making any sense."

He sighed "Look, I'm not OK. I made sure Esme and Carlisle would think that because they have worried more than enough about me. Rosalie said things, did … things, that cut deep. What I'm trying to say is that the wound will take time to heal, I joke, I smile, but don't expect me to be in a good mood or to be happy, because I am not and won't be for a while."

"I never said-"

"Shut up and let me finish, it's difficult enough to say it once, but if you interrupt me I won't be able to finish. Before Rosalie … left, we had a fight. Over you. We had been having a lot of fights about you, about us. I always took your side, I always tried to make her understand that neither of us had a choice. In the end, all it brought me was pain." His tone was dead, his face had slumped down to relieve the pain he apparently was still very much feeling. I let him pause for a while, he wanted to talk, and it was important I let it all come out, as dad always said, better to be angry now than let bad blood go worse.

After a short while, he carried on "Lately, you have acted really …. Fuck there's no other way to say it, you've been really _gay_ lately … Not that I have a problem with that, it's just you make me feel like a piece of meat, a STRAIGHT piece of meat ! And I'm afraid _this _is going to grow into more than simple friendship, that I will have to feel guilty all my life because I couldn't return your feelings. I also feel terrible for what I have been and am putting my family through, I hate it that Rosalie thought I wasn't worth it, I hate it that I made her leave, and I hate that I'm blaming everything on you because it's all MY fault ! I've done EVERYTHING wrong and now I'm paying for it the worst possible way !" Emmett was yelling by the end. He stared into the wild for a few seconds, his eyes unfocused, before slumping down on the ground looking defeated.

For a moment there I was at a loss for something to do. Then instinct took over, and I approached my Imprint slowly, like I would a wounded animal. I sat down next to him and tentatively put an arm around his shoulders, ready to jerk back at any moment.

At first Emmett froze, his body rigid, ice cold, but soon his body went limp in my arms. Emmett rested his head in the crook of my neck and literally let his body rest on me. I would have thrummed with life at that moment had it not been for the circumstances. I wished he didn't just hug me because of sense of emptiness and a need for someone's presence … But I was happy all the same, foremost because I was holding my Imprint tight in my arms. I want to stay like this and feel happy about everything like on the plane, fall asleep with Emmett beside me, but that wasn't going to happen. He needed someone to talk to, I had to get him through this, to help him through whatever was happening.

From what he had said I could guess he was partly blaming the Imprint for the split-up, I could also guess that he was blaming himself for it, that he was feeling guilty about blaming me, about worrying his parents, but most of all he was in pain… And finally, he was confused about how I had been acting around him lately. That last part would be difficult to fix seeing as I had no idea how I felt about him …

We stayed unmoving for the better part of the morning, while I rummaged through my head, picking words, trying to find something, anything ! to say. After a while, I whispered slowly.

"Emmett, I understand you are angry with me, I would be angry too. I don't blame you, so please don't blame yourself for being angry with me, just let everything out. I had a little chat with Carlisle, and you don't have to worry about them, he understands neither of us had a choice. You don't have to feel guilty about worrying them, that's what family is for, don't you think ? Wouldn't you worry if Alice and Jasper split up ? Would you want them to blame themselves for making you worry ?" I paused to let the words sink in. Hopefully my point would come across… He had enough to deal with without having to feel guilty about so much stuff !

"Yes … I guess …" He said, not sounding convinced.

Now came a more dangerous part "I know Rosalie hurt you, but don't you think you're better off without her ? I mean, if you kept fighting, maybe it simply wasn't made to be ?"

Emmett stood up and glared at me with murderous eyes. Ok, that WASN'T the right thing to say …

"That's what you wanted all along Jacob ? For me to divorce so I could fall in your open arms, huh ? WAS THAT THE PLAN ? I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO CARLISLE, YOU'RE JUST A HORNY DOG WAITING FOR THE SPOT TO BE EMPTY !" Ouch, that hurt … Ok, maybe it wasn't entirely false… I decided to make another risky move, I stood up too and slowly approached Emmett, then quickly hugged him, pressing his head in the crook of my shoulder, hoping he would let go of his anger somehow … I whispered "I'm sorry" again and again, hoping he would understand what I meant without my saying it. Hoping he would understand how bad I felt for being the source of the problem, how terrible I felt for hurting my imprint, how badly I wanted to help.

This time I was more lucky, Emmett broke down, he hugged me back tightly. I felt my T-shirt get damp as my Imprint cried silently on my shoulder. He whispered "She's gone, Jake. I'm never going to see her again, I loved her more than anything … I don't know what to do … I'm lost without my Rose …"

The irony was, although I had never been in love, I could understand what he felt. To a certain extent, I felt the exact same feeling every time I spent too much time apart from Emmett…

After a long while he calmed down, and we sat back down. Again I held him tight against me. I still needed to address the last issue before this got too awkward…

Again I whispered slowly "I want you to know that I am sorry for everything the imprint put you and your family through. I would lie if I said that I wished I hadn't imprinted on you, I want you to know that I do not regret anything and that you will always be able to count on me, that I will always be there for you, whatever it is. If you want me to be your friend forever, then that is what I will be. If you want me to grow old and die peacefully at some point, then I will stop shifting and do exactly that. If you want me as your lover then I will probably grow to become just that. If you want only want to see me every few days for a few minutes to allow me to live, then that is what is going to happen. I literally am yours to command Emmett." I hated having to admit this, but I thought he needed to hear it, he needed to know I could physically not let him down.

After a while, Emmett lifted his head and looked deep into my eyes "Jacob, I would never do this to you, we will be friends forever, and if you grow tired of me, I really won't blame you if you don't want to live forever. Believe me, it is a real _burden_. Rosalie always regretted being turned, the one thing she missed was to grow old, to change, not stay frozen … _forever_… I'm starting to understand her, everything we do stays with us forever, every mistake, everything we say, everything we do, everyone we hurt, they all end up on our shoulders, and we have to carry them around until the end of time. And there is _nothing _we can do about it except commit suicide like Edward tried to do when he thought Bella was dead."

Ok, let's move away from the suicide discussion. I didn't think Emmett was _that _far gone, but I had only known him barely more than a month …

"Emmett, as long as you want me by you're side, I'm staying, period."

He smiled what I hoped was the first genuine smile since we went to London "Well then, you're stuck with me forever Jake, 'cause I like having someone like you around." I smiled at that. It felt nice to have him praise me…

His smile faltered "Jake I'm sorry for everything… I'm sorry for what Carlisle said and did, for how he acted when you came to help yesterday, for everything I said, for everything I blamed on you, for saying it was your fault when it was all my damn mess… I'm sorry you had to imprint on someone like me, I'm sorry you'll have to live like a monk forever because I'm an arsehole that won't be able to love you … From what Carlisle told me you will never want to be with anyone else besides me … I'm sorry you got stuck with me, Jake … I'm so sorry about everything …"

"Emmet, I wouldn't change anything for the world. Don't worry about me, I am happy and have nothing to complain about as long as I get to see you every other day."

Again he jerked up "Can you honestly tell me this is how you'd feel if you didn't have this … _unnatural _attraction to me ? That this is how you reacted when it first happened ? Because if it is, then I don't believe you."

Well, I guess he had a point … "Who cares Emmett ? All I care about is that I'm happy here and now, not that I could be happier in some parallel dimension where things happened differently, not that I may not have been happy at the start, or that it might be difficult in the future. Maybe it's a wolf thing, I don't know, all I know is that I'm happy and that's all I care about when it comes to me. But I think that I am not the problem, I think the problem is that you are sorry for yourself, you wish I had never imprinted because then you would maybe still be with your wife. Tell me I'm wrong." I dared him.

He considered this for some time. "I don't know … I don't know what to think, what to feel. I DON'T KNOW !"

Ok – time to take a break. "Emmett, let's go cool down at the beach. It's cloudy, probably gonna rain, we'll have the beach for ourselves, think about something else, clear your head. How does that sound ?"

"Sounds like exactly what I need."

We ran off, Emmett more walking than running seeing as I stayed in human form. I could only hope Emmett did not really regret me Imprinting. He could say that he wanted me around as much as he wanted, it wouldn't be the same if he didn't mean it, if in his heart he regretted everything. I couldn't push him to want me beside him, I could only hope he would eventually.

I forced myself to remain calm for Emmett's sake, but underneath anxiousness boiled. I knew that this was a turning point. Either he would accept me or he wouldn't, but it was very likely that he wouldn't change his mind afterwards. Either he got over Rosalie's betrayal or he viewed me as some freak that came between him and his wife… I hoped I could show him that I could be anything he would need…

We quickly reached the beach, and Emmett didn't waste any time, he stripped off his shirt and jumped in the sea before I got a chance to admire his shirtless forms. I had to admit I had gotten quite addicted to his perfect body …

Anyway ! I took my shirt off and my cut-offs before diving in behind my Imprint. Emmett was nowhere to be seen, and I almost started to panic before I remembered vampires don't technically need to breathe…

I swam around, letting my mind drift. I was partly hoping Emmett would come back and talk about mundane stuff like we used to do, but I also knew he needed space right now, and was probably forcing me to give some by staying underwater.

I lost track of time. When I tired of swimming I let the sea gently rock my floating body, enjoying the feel of the sea, the cold water– something else I had become addicted to - and the peaceful sounds.

* * *

I woke up slowly, enjoying the smell of my Imprint lingering on the sheet of the bed I was sleeping it.

Wait !

I wasn't in my bed ?

Wait !

I was in bed ?!

Fuck ! Everything came back with a pang, I had been at the beach with Emmett ! I had fallen asleep on him ?! AGAIN ?! What's up with that ?!

"Hey sleepyhead !" Emmett came in with a large grin that made me smile automatically, before I recalled I was supposed to look contrite.

"Uh … What happened ?" I asked, unsure.

"I lost track of time, Jake, I'm sorry … By the time I had my head sorted you were sleeping in the water … Impressive by the way, I thought you'd have started to sink and woken up, but seems I was wrong ! Here, I brought you breakfast !"

Again, my stomach grumbled right on cue. Nothing to eat in 24 hours, obviously I would be hungry … He produced two large plates from behind his back, one stacked with pancakes and the other with bacon, scrambled eggs and toasts. My mouth watered at the delicious smell.

Manners were far in my mind while I literally gulped down the food. Thank God for mothers and their cuisine !

"I was wondering whether something was wrong with you…" He said chuckling "It's already 2PM and you didn't give any sign of waking up ! I don't remember much about sleeping, but I didn't know people slept that long … You slept about fifteen hours !"

I nearly strangled myself on a streak of bacon "Fif - teen … hours ?"

"Yup."

"Oooh man, I'm sorry Emmett, I don't know what it is with me and falling asleep like that when you're around …"

Emmett laughed "You sleep all you need."

After a while, he asked, unsure "Do you mind if I talk while you eat ?" I motioned for him to start.

He took a deep breath. "I realized something yesterday. I was trying to figure out how all the pieces of the puzzle of my life fit together. I thought about you, about Rose, about one other girl …" His eyes unfocused, and I kept eating. Again, I thought it was important to let him proceed at his own pace.

"And I realized of all the people in my life, you I will always be able to count on. You were the person to help me through Rose, despite all the things I said. You knew exactly what to say, what to do. I realized how much that meant for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but we all have learnt it's best to let each other deal with our own stuff, not get involved too much, seeing as we're 24/7 on each other for eternity."

"You act like you don't care about yourself, you keep staying with me until you're too tired to fall asleep, I dragged you along to London to get away and you left with me on a whim, when you have to deal with your business and your dad."

He smiled fondly "And yesterday, when I realized you were sleeping, I carried you back here, and I took care of you. I dried you, I changed you and I put you to bed, and you know what ? I loved it. I don't know why, but I love having someone like you in my life, Jake, and I don't regret anything that has happened." Ok, if that wasn't humiliating … So he stripped me naked and changed me, and he says that like it's the most natural thing in the world ! I coughed, uncomfortable.

He chuckled "Don't worry, as I said, I'm not gay, you don't have to worry about me seeing you naked, Jake. But I was surprised you didn't wake up when I dried you though … " He trailed off, pensive.

Fuck this was not fun … How come I always manage to make a total fool of myself ? Like a fucking child he needed to take care of !

But none of that really mattered compared to the fact that he was happy with me being near him.

Emmett jumped in bed and put a hand on my shoulder while I ate, hugging me close. I suppressed a moan. This was how life was supposed to be.

"Jake, you're my friend, and I'm glad you are. You can stay with me as long as you want."

Friends forever ?


	11. Acceptance

"_Understand this: things are now in motion that cannot be undone."_

-Gandalf, _The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King_

A/N: 'Arnaud' is pronounced 'Arno'.Thanks to elfprincess8 for her fabulous work ! Please check out my profile in case you might be interested by the fiction I will distribute by email !_**  
**_

**No Warnings.  
**

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Chapter XI : **ACCEPTANCE**

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_**This chapter is dedicated to everyone out there who, like me, has been implicitly taught that being gay is wrong.**_

I was in Emmett's car. We were speeding away towards Port Angeles, where we would spend the day. After our talk this morning, Emmett had had a quick chat with his 'parents' and had asked me if I wanted to go out with him.

Er – I mean, if I wanted to accompany him to Port Angeles for an afternoon between friends. So, obviously, I said yes.

That was before I started to think, I was due to return to my garage on Monday, which happened to be the following day, and I hadn't give any life signs to dad in two days. So he was probably ready to skin me alive ... Too bad I had been in too much of a hurry to pick up my cell when I had run to the Cullen's on Friday.

But I would worry about dad later tonight, for now I was going to enjoy another day with my Imprint. I inhaled deeply. I loved Emmett's smell ... He smelled of ... Caramel, sometimes he smelled of a manly cologne, but I preferred the smell I had gotten when he had been back from hunting, some animalistic smell, something ... bear-like somehow.

I breathed in his sent deeply again, making myself high on oxygen and Emmett's current Caramel scent.

"You ok there ?" Emmett asked, looking slightly worried.

"Er – yeah, yeah sorry, I was just ... uh ..." I trailed off, uncertain what to say, I didn't have a prepared excuse...

"I thought us vampires smelled terrible to you guys ..."

"Well, your family kind'a does ... But you smell nice ... _Really_ nice..."

Emmett chuckled "Good ! Ok, we're here !". He parked the car and we jumped out. I had no idea where we were going, but obviously Emmett had something in mind as he led the way without a word.

I followed, happy to have my Imprint for myself, even though he was still far from alright, but I hoped that would change. I was actually optimistic, I think I got him to see the day before. I still didn't know him very well, but the Imprint gave me some sort of ... _connection_ with him.

Maybe it was thanks to this that I felt there was something he wasn't telling me. I mean, sure, ok, his wife, the partner he had shared his life with for I-have-no-clue-how-many-years had left him, but there was something ... Maybe something she said ... Or something she did.

In any case, whatever happened had literally crushed him. It had to be more than a simple fight or argument, but I would never ask. Best try to get over this as quickly as possible.

Except when I realized where we were headed, I started to want to ask some questions. A cemetery ? That how you get over your wife ? you go to a fucking cemetery ?

I thought you'd go ... get wasted at a pub ? Or maybe destroy four of five cave bears and get drunk on bear-blood in Emmett's case ?

I wondered if Emmett even could get drunk ... ? I knew he didn't drink, but did that mean he _couldn't _drink ? Mmh ... Another question to ask some day ...

But first questions first. "Emmett, we're going to a graveyard ?"

"Yes. You don't have to come if you're not comfortable, but I have something I need to do." He was firm and looked resolute... Ok, so what was this all about ?

Emmett strode amongst the graves and stopped before one of them, before kneeling respectfully.

The grave read

_Here lies Arnaud LaCroix,_

_A son, a brother & a patriot._

_1__st__ June 1922 - 6__th__ June1944_

Who the hell was that ? I was going to rudely interrupt and ask what the fuck was going on before I noticed the grave beside it.

_In memory of Emmett LaCroix_

_A son, a brother & a romantic_

_20__th__ February 1920 – December 1944 _

Oh. Oooooh ! So Emmett had had a brother ? I looked around to see if there were any more graves with the same last name, but it wasn't the case. Mmh but the question remained, what were we doing here ?

My tongue was burning with curiosity, right at that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to ask Emmett the dozens of questions that were going through my mind. Why are you visiting your brother' grave ? What happened to him ? What was he like ? What's it like to have a brother ? Did you have any other siblings ? What were your parents called ? What were they like ? Do you miss them ? Why was Emmett called a romantic ? That didn't suit him ! And so many more questions ...

But now was not the time. I felt confident Emmett would tell me in his own time.

We must have stayed there for the better part of an hour, Emmett standing unmoving, a living statue in front of the graves.

"My family comes from France. After the American independence, we moved to what is now Boston in search of better prospects. My brother Arnaud enlisted for the war in late 1942 after the attack on Pearl Harbour to fight for _Freedom and Democracy_ as many people did at the time. The propaganda industry was working over time to get us to hate the 3rd Reich and everything it represented. Of course, what we didn't know was that many regimes in Europe at the time were just as bad. Anyway, at first he was trained to be a good American infantry soldier, and on the 1st of May 1943 he shipped out. He was one of those faceless young boys who died on the beach of Normandie in an effort to liberate France from the German oppressor. My parents and I were destroyed. We had begged my brother not to enlist, but he was a patriot. That same year I got myself mauled by a bear and Rosalie changed me at the last moment. My parents died of grief a few years later and asked for their ashes to be dispersed at sea on the beach where Arnaud died. I stole the ashes and did it myself. Rosalie was with me at every step of the way."

Emmett was gazing in the distance, lost in his thoughts while I considered everything he had said. So now I was almost sure Emmett was the man of my dreams that had gotten dumped by his girlfriend and ... committed suicide ? Drama Queen much ? No, there was probably stuff I didn't know or didn't consider ... Like the fact he had just lost his brother ...

I snapped out of my thoughts when Emmett slumped to the ground.

His voice was but a whisper when he said "I can't do this ..." Ok, this was going to be more difficult than I thought ...

I slid to the ground, sat beside him and again snaked a hand around his shoulders.

"Em', you'll be alright, you're tougher than you give yourself credit for. You can lean on me as much as you want. I'm sturdy. You'll pull through, I know it."

Emmett smiled faintly, before slowly leaning his head against mine. I would've hummed had I not been in a cemetery with a depressed vampire.

"Jake, you know what day this is ?"

I frowned. What kind of question was this ? "We're the first of December, why ?"

"Because I died on the first of December 1944, and I married Rose on the first of December 1945. We used to joke about this being the anniversary of my death and of our marriage. We would come here every year on the first of December, and then we would go home and spend the ... _night_ together. We've been married 67 years, tonight is going to be difficult, but you're right. I can't stick around moping. Come on, let's move out and get you something to eat. Then we can go watch "The Hobbit" if you want, there's the Premier at Port Angeles this evening ..."

Fuck I loved Tolkien and the films they made ! And Emmett seemed to perk up a bit. Maybe after today he would feel better ?

"Yup, I loved The Lord of The Rings, but do you think we'll be able to get places ? It's a popular film, no ?"

"I bought tickets yesterday." He grinned. I couldn't help but smile too, he was infectious...

"Let's go !" I jumped up and he followed.

We were walking side-by-side when he put his arms around my shoulders and pulled me tight against him. I nearly yelped of surprise but I immediately melted down in his strong cold arms. This time I couldn't prevent a hum escaping my lips. This felt freakin' good !

When we reached the exit though I said "Emmett people will see us..."

He looked at me surprised "So what ?"

Ug this was awkward ... "Well, they're going to think we're ... Er ..." I trailed off. What ? _Gay _? _Boyfriends _? _In love _?

Emmett stood unmoving for a second before his eyes opened wide "You're worried they're going to think we're gay ?!"

Ug. I knew it. AWKWARD ! "Uh ... Yeah ..."

"So what ? We know it's not true, that's all that counts, isn't it ?" Oh my fuck ... He was saying this like it was the most obvious and natural thing in the world ...

But I didn't know if it was. I wanted Emmett to be right, but deep down I guess I could only doubt his words... I mean, I had been checking him out for a while, hadn't I ? Maybe I should just suck it up and admit I was FREAKIN' GAY and LOVED IT ! Maybe I should just admit there was nothing I wanted more than Emmett holding me !

"You're right. Who cares ?" I answered coolly. At least for now I would enjoy his blissful ignorance.

He smiled, nodded shortly and put his arms back around my shoulders as we walked out of the graveyard. I couldn't help but notice a few sideway glances, but I did my best to ignore them.

This felt ... _wrong_. It was against everything I had been taught. A man falls in love with a WOMAN ! And then he does a lot of things, they marry and get a child ! This is NOT what my dad taught me ...

I shivered from head to toe. My wolf was purring contentedly but his human counterpart was choking in disgust. This was so fucked up ...

I struggled all the way to the diner. In the end I pictured my wolf growling at my human part and I accepted the truth. I was gay and happy about it. Gay wasn't wrong. Gay was different. People don't do well with different. They shun different. Well FUCK YOU ! I'm gay and proud. I wanted to hold Emmett and no one would prevent me from doing just that. If I wanted to fuck a guy or get fucked by a guy then I would do just that, and fuck principles, fuck religion. I do what I want, and all I care about is that Emmett and me are happy.

Well, maybe it wasn't that happy. Emmett wasn't exactly gay... But I didn't care. I would be happy as long as he held me tight from time to time, and he seemed alright with that, so I would certainly not complain !

I ate and we went straight to the movie cinema – where I discovered it was already 8PM, no wonder I had been starving ! How long time did we stay staring at a carved stone ?!

Emmett led me to the last row, and we snuggled comfortably against each other while we watched. I was impressed at how indifferent my Imprint was at all the glances and frowns we received ! But maybe he was very confident about his sexuality ? Another question to ask some day ...

Unfortunately every good thing as an end. Much too soon I was on my door-step. I opened the door.

"JACOB BLACK ! YOU ARE IN TROUBLE YOUNG MAN !" Oh fuck. I think dad was pissed ...


	12. A Hole in the Chest

_"I can name fingers and point names !"_

- Jack Sparrow, _Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides  
_

A/N: As per usual, thank you to elfprincess8 for her invaluable help !

**No Warning.**

* * *

Chapter XII: A Hole in the Chest

* * *

It was Wednesday night. Jacob had gone home after the movie that Sunday, and I had found myself alone in my room again for the first time in three days.

The emptiness in my room had been frighteningly mirroring the one in my heart, and only the thought of my devoted family and Imprinter had allowed me to stand strong.

In the end, after a few days of careful thinking and mourning, the pain was starting to fade. The daggers in my chest were long gone, only leaving healing scars, which would take the time they needed to mend. No need to rush, after all, I did have an eternity in front of me.

I was lying on my bed fully clothed, letting my mind wander freely. The three past days had been spent hunting, having fun with my brother, and – Ug – returning to school.

School. Such a useless pastime. What was the use of learning all this stuff over and over again ? The program changed every now and then, and I had to learn new stuff, forget the old.

I chuckled low. The story of my life. Forget the old accept the new. Forget Suzanna, welcome Rosalie. Forget Rosalie, welcome whoever my traitorous heart would pick next. Forget a trend, learn another. Throw old clothes, buy new one. Throw out a car, buy a new one.

Was my life really this infernal cycle ?

I chuckled again. Jacob. No, he was definitely not a constant, or as Stalin would put it "_a tiny little screw in the machine_".

When he left, I found myself missing his company. Somehow he had known what to say, what to do. Strange... Maybe that's part of the Imprint-thing. Or he's just starting to know me.

Is this how it will be in a few years ? We'll be able to tell exactly what is wrong like we were reading each other's minds ?

Ug, what a depressing thought. One Edward is more than enough !

But then again, it'd be nice to have someone around who doesn't know every single detail about the last seventy years of my life, someone _new_.

And, although I'd never admit it, even to myself, I loved how warm he was... He was radiating heat and I found myself missing the heat in my flesh. It had felt exquisite to hold him back on Sunday ...

But I had sworn to myself not to give him mixed signals ! Wasn't that exactly what I !had done ? I sighed, I could do without this head-twister...

I wasn't exactly sure how I was feeling about Jacob. I didn't even remember how it was like to have a friend. Was this it ? This feeling of ... safety ? Somehow I had convinced myself Jacob was good for me, and to me.

That's one question I would never be able to ask to Carlisle. How is it to have a friend ? I didn't remember how it was, seventy years ago, before I died, to have friends.

I didn't even remember how it was to be in love... I remember feeling something strong for Rosalie when I had met her, when we had married. Since when had I not felt this ? When had the feeling faded ?

And more importantly, why did it hurt so much if I didn't even love her ? I guess it was more about broken pride than anything else ...

That's when I realized it. I was _free_ ! I was free to do anything I wanted, I didn't have a wife to compose with anymore.

My head instantly filled with thoughts of clubs, bars, strip-clubs, so many things I hadn't done in such a long time !

I could even get drunk ... Or not _drunk_ per say, but I had discovered that swallowing my own poison gave me a feeling that made me feel drunk. Lowered inhibition and so on.

Oh yes, I definitely had to enjoy my new-found freedom, and to hell with the studies or what Carlisle or Esme would think ! I was going to enjoy myself for the first time in decades, and no one was going to stop me.

My mind was already filling with ideas of trips to Las Vegas, Paris, or New York..

That's when I heard my phone ring. I pressed the green button.

"Emmett."

"_Hey Em', it's Jake !"_ Finally ! I had been trying to contact him for the past two days ... I thought he wanted to see me every other day ?! But then I guess, after staying a whole week-end, he must have had better things to do.

"What's up ?"

"_I'm sorry I didn't call before, my dad __gave__ me a hard time when I came home because I didn't tell him where I was ... And I had to catch up with work at the garage ..."_

"It's alright, Jacob, I was just wondering if you'd be needing to see me, I can live without seeing each other for a few days." I chuckled, trying to make him understand it wasn't that I DIDN'T want to see him, more like I didn't need to see him ALL the time.

"_Yeah, about that, I've got my afternoon off tomorrow ..."_

"Er ... School, remember ?"

"_Oh yeah shit ..." _He sounded disappointed.

"I don't have any plans whatsoever except class, so it's pretty much when it suits you most. I don't have any class Friday afternoon, and of course no class this week end."

"_I was hoping to see you before Saturday_" He almost whined.

"Well, as I said, I'm free on the nights, evenings, I've got lots of time. I can even come over right now if you want." I offered politely. More like, I was bored out of my wits and was desperate to do anything... How did Edward do it ? All alone for like a hundred years ? God I would've imploded of boredom !

He sighed "_No, dad doesn't want you coming over here anymore, he was really angry after I disappeared on him this week end... I'm sorry ..."_

"Don't be sorry, Jake, it's not your fault ! So you'll just have to come here now that Carlisle considers you as his son !" I laughed.

"_It's not fun Em' ... "_

I laughed "Oh believe me it is ! Now that Esme has two humans she considers as her children, she's been taking cuisine lessons. She's been asking me how much you eat, what you like to eat. She's worried to not have enough food to feed you... Oh and Alice has been stacking up clothes for you, and Jasper even asked me if you liked video games. Edward thought it would be fun to buy a dog kennel, and Carlisle has been buying wolf drugs, he tells me, in addition to very strong versions of everything he has since your metabolism burns everything down in record time. So you're part of the family now I'm afraid ..."

Jake sounded like he choked "_Please tell me you're kidding, Em'_"

"Yeah, I was joking about the kennel." I admitted.

"_Ok – now I'll never be able to go to your place anymore." _Jacob sighed.

"Mmh .. That's going to be a problem seeing as I can't go to yours anymore" I teased

He grunted "_Fine, but I want you to swear you were joking about the kennel." _

I laughed hard for a few seconds "Yeah, yeah, don't worry, Edward is boring, he would never do something like that ..." I could only hope Edward would hear me or pick up on my thoughts ...

"_What time are you out tomorrow ?"_

"Three."

"_Can I come __to__ your school at three ?"_

"Uh ... Yeah, sure." Damn he was impatient.

"_Great ! I'll see you tomorrow then !"_

"Yup."

"_Em' ... Er ... I miss you ..."_

Right. Now what the fuck was I supposed to say to that ?

"Hum ..." Fuck fuck fuck. Not the perfect moment for my mind to go blank.

"_It's alright, I know it's not the same on your side. It's just the Imprint that makes me cheesy like this... I swear, normally I'm not !"_

I laughed it away "Yeah, sure, see ya' !" And I hung up before it got even more awkward. If that even was possible...

Somehow I doubted that was the Imprint.. After all, it'd been almost two months and he had never said anything like it, so what was this all about ?

Of a few things I was certain about. He liked eyeing me up as I observed in London, he tried to get me in the same bed as him once, and now he was missing me ... Oh, and did I mention he said outright he would be my lover if that was what I wanted ?

Either I was wrong, or there were more than simple friendship feelings. Now that I thought about it, he had seemed very nervous Sunday when I had said neither of us were gay.

What the hell had prodded me to say that ? I knew Jacob was probably Emmett-sexual ... Uh ... Fuck me and my loud mouth !

Then again, I had to admit that I wasn't entirely unfazed by the young shifter. He smelled Oh-so-wonderfully, I loved the heat he constantly irradiated, and ... well, there was that beach episode...

He had fallen asleep floating on the water –who the hell does that ?! and I had carried him all the way home. For some reason I had grinned goofily throughout the way home ... It had been something like carrying my love Suzanna when she had fallen asleep at the park ...

Well, not exactly, maybe like carrying my baby brother Arnaud when he had gotten into a fist fight at school and was feeling very down.

Anyways, after that I had been faced with a dilemma. Wake him up, dry him or put him to bed wet. Well, I quickly eliminated the last option, and he was kind of ... _cute _when he was sleeping, so I really didn't want to wake him up.

So I resorted to drying up the boy. I chuckled as I remembered rummaging the whole house for a soft towel, which I slowly swept on his entire body. At first I had loved it, but then I had gotten to groin level, and that had been much less fun. I mean, if it had been my baby brother or Suzanna, I wouldn't have been this annoyed.

But a guy ? Yuck ... Well, I faced another dilemma, let him sleep in his soaked boxers or ... well, or not.

After a lot of arguing with myself, I had taken a deep breath, and looked away as much as possible while I stripped him of his boxers and put him in a pair of pyjamas. I did a pretty good job, but I couldn't fail but notice that ... Hum ... Well, Jacob junior was awake and at attention...

I shivered. That was not a pleasant view ... It had felt ... weird, to see Jake naked and aroused. I mean, we were supposed to be friends, this was a totally different register ! Anyways, I then gently put him in bed, where he slept like a log for about fifteen hours. Jeeze, I had no idea people could actually sleep that long !

And then there was a last fact I still needed to admit. I was in my room, reading a book, watching over the young boy sleeping peacefully in bed. And I had felt an urge to ... Well, to crawl in beside him and to hold him tightly against my chest.

What was that about ? I was pretty sure that I wasn't in love with Jacob, I wasn't even attracted to his physique, let alone have feelings for him ! Maybe I was more affected by Rose's absence than I cared to admit.

I remembered something Carlisle told me during one of his talks after Rose had left. He had said something about habits, about a void. He said that after neigh on seventy years with a partner, I would feel lonely, feel the need for human warmth (or vampiric cold to be precise). I would feel a hole in my chest, and I would need to be around someone to feel the gap.

Maybe this was it ? I craved someone after seventy years shared with Rose. I chuckled. Basically I was a drug-addict in withdrawal needing his fix... And it so happened that I had someone sleeping in my bed, irradiating more heat than I would ever feel in my cold eternity as a vampire.

So if I was right –and I probably was- the identity of the person in the bed didn't exactly matter. Jacob's smell, his loyalty and the general bond I had with him only making me want to be with him even more.

Then we went to the cemetery, where I would always go with Rose, and I had hugged his shoulders tight without even thinking about it. Of course he had jumped, but for me it was tradition. Let's just say I had never felt as miserable as that night.

I had gone to bed, like I would have had Rosalie been here, and I had felt terrible. There's no other way of saying it. And I had wanted someone there with me. I had wanted Jacob there with me. I had longed for the heat of his body and the tautness of his muscles.


	13. Novel Feeling

A/N : Hello everyone, I had some time to write during a snow storm in Sweden ! Thank you to elfprincess8 for her work, even though she doesn't have hours to spend she still finds time to help ! Again, let me direct you to three brilliant authors, elfprincess8, Hank's Lady and Ant1gon3 ! **Enjoy !**

**No Warning.**

* * *

Chapter XIII : **NOVEL FEELING**

* * *

I was waiting at Emmett's 'school'. Well, I had been there since 2PM, and was not-so patiently waiting for said student.

Boy did I get it when I came back from the Cullens' that Sunday evening ...

**[Flashback]**

"JACOB BLACK ! YOU ARE IN TROUBLE YOUNG MAN !" Oh fuck. I knew dad was pissed ...

"Dad ?" I asked innocently as I entered the house.

He rolled towards me with those murderous eyes he liked to use "Where have you been all week end ? Why didn't you bring your cell ?"

"I - Uh, I'm sorry, dad, Emmett needed my help, so I rushed over to his place and I forgot to bring my cell, and yeah ..." I finished off lamely.

"Oh so THAT's your excuse ? Emmett needed your help ? And what did he need your help with ?" Dad asked, not convinced.

"Well ..." Fuck, fuck, fuck, an excuse, QUICK ! "He – Hum, he crashed his car, and he needed my help to repair it ..." I pulled a face. Fuck this had to be the worst excuse EV-ER !

Billy's eyebrows shot up "Oooh ! You were fixing his car ! So you didn't bring his car to your garage ? You slept over at his place, and you were in SUCH a hurry to help him that you forgot your phone ! NOW it all makes sense !"

He looked like he was going to kill me "The truth. Now."

I sighed "Emmett didn't contact me for a whole week. I was getting angsty so I ran off to his place, where I found him depressed like hell, so I tried to cheer him up. I fell asleep, when I woke up the next morning he wasn't any better, he was even blaming me for his wife leaving him. So I talked him down, we decided to take a swim to change our minds, somehow I managed to fall asleep in the sea. On Sunday he asked if I wanted to spend the day with him, and I couldn't exactly refuse. Then I came back here straight away."

Dad was looking more surprised than I had ever seen him "You played shrink with your Imprint ? Doesn't he have his coven for that ?"

"Dad ! I had to try, he didn't even want to see me ! I didn't have a choice !"

"Mmh ... Well, that was very irresponsible, Jacob. You do remember the deal we made, yes ? If this happens again you're going back to school young man, and believe me, you will not like it. And I want you to know that I had to fight to have your Imprint allowed on our lands, and I still do. So from now on, he isn't permitted on Quileute territories. I fought for him because I thought you deserved to be happy and he isn't that bad. But it is not a right you deserve anymore. You will have to earn that right back, Jacob."

"WHAT ? Dad ! Carlisle just warmed up to me !"

"This is your punishment, Jacob. Now go to bed. Right away."

"But dad ! You know how important this is for me ! He's my Imprint ! I'd prefer to go back to school then not have Emmett be allowed in my home !"

Dad had his no-argument-possible face "That's precisely why this is your punishment. If you're not going to be responsible, I'll have to force you to bed! Now go to bed before I decide to make you go back to school too !"

**[End Flashback]**

I couldn't believe dad forbid Emmett to come to our home ! Now I had to see him at school or at his home like some pitiful homeless arse !

And why didn't Emmett come ? I had been waiting here for hours ! The week had been long and I was tired ... I had had to catch up on lost time, so my days had been fully booked. Good thing I had kept this afternoon clear, or I would have had to wait another whole week before seeing Emmett.

The mere thought made me shiver...

I wanted to feel the cold appeasing effect he had on me. I wanted to see his rare smile ... And I wanted many other things, but I would probably not get them ...

God I missed him already ! It had been only a few days, but I felt empty when he wasn't around ... And what I dreaded most was that it wasn't the simple pull of the Imprinting ... What if it was some darker omen ? Or pinki-er ...

"Hey !"

I whipped around, Emmett was striding towards me. He was grinning from ear to ear. As usual, his infectious smile made me grin goofily too, and my heart skipped a beat when he brought me into a bear-crushing hug in front of everyone. His strong arms circling me, his strong form seeping the heat away from my flesh, making me feel the exquisite cool his contact always brought.

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply, feeling my anxiousness quickly evaporate, my irritation disappear, peace slowly taking over the throne of my soul.

Much too quickly Emmett pulled back, keeping only one arm on my shoulder.

"So what's the plan, Jake ?"

I looked up at my Imprint "Huh ? Why are you asking me ?"

Emmett smiled like he was talking to an idiot "Well, you were the one to ask me here, so I thought you had something figured out !"

I grinned "What, like a date ?"

Emmett scowled "No, not a date, doofus ! I am NOT dating before a few decades !"

My face fell. Somehow that wasn't a happy prospect ... Wait - What the hell was I thinking ? I wasn't about to fucking DATE my Imprint !

"So ... ?"

Oh so he was going to let me choose... I had no idea ! Shit, shit, shit ! "Uh ... We could go to my garage ?"

Emmett's eyebrows shot up "I thought you said I wasn't allowed there anymore ? Like – on any Quileute land ..."

Why did my brain always fry around Emmett ? "I don't know ... What do you want to do ?"

Emmett smiled "Ok, at least I know not to ever let you pick a place if in some parallel reality we dated ! How about we go to my place ? There's no one there, we'll have some peace and somewhere to crash !" Somehow that cut deep. Did he mean I wasn't reliable ? Or that I didn't care ? Whichever, it was against everything the Imprint was about. I was supposed to be both reliable and caring ! Somehow, something didn't feel right. But what ?

"Yup, sounds good !" I managed a fake smile.

We drove in silence.

"You alright, Jake ?"

I looked at Emmett, surprised "Yeah, sure ! Why ?"

"You look ... _off_, did I upset you with what I said ? I was just teasing you, you know that right ?"

"Em', I'm alright." I whispered.

Emmett pulled the car on the side of the road. "Hey, tell me what's up !"

"Seriously, Em', I'm good !"

Emmett frowned "I might not have known you for very long, but I can tell everything is not good. So just tell me !"

"Why do you even care ?" I asked before I could stop myself. Damn my big mouth ! And anyway, it is so much simpler to pin everything on someone else ...

Emmett gaped at me for a few seconds. When he talked, his usual grin was gone, and his voice was but a whisper "Jake, I know I haven't been fun to be around, and I know I've been egoistic... I'm sorry – I – I just – I miss her, Jake." He dropped his head.

It was my turn to gape. I wanted to say something, anything, but he beat me to it. He raised his head to cross my gaze and added "My family, they're ... They're good to me. But they don't understand. Somehow _you _do. You understand me like no one else has before. I'm not making any sense ... Look, what I'm trying to say is that there's no one I care more about than you, right now. So I'm sorry if I've been a poor Imprint, but I'm not sure what you want... Look, Jake, I _care_ alright ? So if you're acting all funny because you think I don't care, then I'm telling you, I care."

I sighed. Major misunderstanding. All my fault, as per usual. Way to go to fuck it up, Black ! "It's not that, Em'. The problem is I don't know what the problem is ..." I said awkwardly. Somehow I wasn't happy anymore, but somehow I had no clue why ...

Emmett scowled "Well, I don't know what you want ! You can't expect me to be the best Imprint ever, seeing as I have no idea how all this works, you don't tell me what you want, and you're kind of sending mixed messages. I mean you tell me all kind of stuff about being friends, then you do all kinds of stuff that suggest otherwise, and sometimes you act like I'm doing something wrong, but you won't tell me what I'm doing wrong !" Emmett was steadily raising his voice.

"I'm doing the best I can ! Maybe you can't really understand how it is to split up after a lifetime of common life, I don't know ! I think I'm doing pretty well, considering ! So if I'm not good enough I suggest you stay the hell away ! I'm sick of making everyone else happy and trying to pick pieces of happiness wherever I can ! If I'm not what you hoped I was, then just come by every other day to get your fucking fix ! I'm trying to hold it together, I don't need someone to mope in my car, and act like he doesn't know what the fucking problem is ! Quit being a hypocrite, just tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong and be done with it !" By the time he stopped, he was yelling loudly.

Tears had started to spring from my eyes at some point during Emmett's yelling. I cried before he had the time to lash out some more "It's not you, it's me ! I don't know what my problem is, I swear ! I'm new to this too, remember ? My feelings are all over the place and I have no idea what is happening to me, I don't know when I'm going to feel hurt, happy, sad, excited anymore ! It's like the Imprint is taking over everything and I'M FUCKING SCARED !" There, I said it !

Emmett didn't utter a word. He simply cut the engine, got out of the car, blurred and opened my door. "Get out."

I weakly obeyed.

"Jacob. We are in this together. I'm there for you just like you were there for me. Just tell me any moment you feel wrong and I'll help sort it out. You can count on me, okay ?"

I nodded feebly, my cheeks stained with salty tears.

"Come here." Emmett hugged me.

We stayed there, unmoving for a long while. I was in my favourite position, my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply, his sent calming my failing nerves.

"Jake, there's nothing to be afraid of, whatever comes we can face it. I'll be there every step of the way. I'm sorry, I didn't realize how this was for you, I was too caught up in my own mess. I didn't know the Imprint was affecting your world this much ... But just trust me next time, yeah ? You said you're sturdy, well I'm too. So lean away, buddy !"

Something clicked in me. I knew why was freaking out. I knew why I was so fucking scared. Emmett would be there for me, he just said it. Somehow now everything was clear. If he would always be there for me, I would too.

I was scared. I loved Emmett.


	14. A Happy Christmas

"_I don't know what to do!" cried (Jacob), laughing and crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoön of himself with his stockings. "I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to every-body! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!" _

"_I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!" _

-Charles Dickens, _A Christmas Carol_

A/N : As usual, thank you elfptrincess8 for her help ! Also, thank you to all of you who have been following and dutifully reviewing every single chapter ! The number of reviews is steadily increasing and it's incredibly motivating !

**Warning : slight fluff**

* * *

Chapter XIV: **A HAPPY CHRISTMAS**

* * *

Wait – what ? No, I couldn't be in love with Emmett. That was not possible.

Not only was it not possible, but it could never happen.

So I went in denial. The following days I refused to see what was right in front of my eyes. I attributed the light feeling of happiness around Emmett to the Imprinting, the smile that crept on me whenever he smiled, too.

Emmett had recovered from Rose's departure, and I think he wasn't missing her anymore. Well, seeing his outburst of a few days ago, I couldn't be entirely certain. But I hadn't seen him so much as look down in the last week or two. So I could hope ...

All my denial came crashing down when I decided I would surprise Emmett on his last day of school before the Christmas Break.

Friday the 21st 2012.

I would probably always remember that day. That fateful day IT happened for the first time. Even though it doesn't really count, it still counts to me. Even though Emmett will probably have forgotten it a few hours later, I would treasure the memory for the rest of my life.

As usual, I arrived half and hour early, eager to see Emmett. As usual, he crept on me from behind and made me jump – before jumping on him, that is.

As was now usual, I hugged him tightly, and he hugged back.

What was not usual, was the person who said "Filthy fags"

I jumped out of Emmett's embrace, frantically searching for any sign of the jerk. There were a couple of jocks surveying us with disgust from a few meters away.

I nervously looked for any regret on Emmett's part, but he kept on grinning, and brought a hand to cup my head, slowly bringing our heads together. By the time I caught on his idea, it was too late. Not that I necessarily would have fought him off fiercely had I been in time to.

My mind was all over the place. I barely registered Emmett's cold lips on mine, my mind going into overdrive, before he pulled away. By the time I got my faculties back, my Imprint was proudly smirking at the jocks who quickly turned around, probably not daring to engage in anything with muscle-mountain Emmett.

"Come on, Jake, let's leave these retarded morons and go somewhere nicer."

I didn't realize ha was talking. I was still trying to grasp what had happened.

Wait – what had happened ?

Oh. Yeah. THAT.

I shook my head in a vain attempt to leave my dreams. Emmett had kissed me ?

Why ?

Oh, yes, to prove a point. Way to go, Jake, next time you should act even more like you don't like it, that way he'll probably try again.

Wait – what ? Fuck. I had loved it.

What ? No.

Uh – I didn't make ANY sense.

"JAKE ?" Emmett was eyeing me worriedly.

"Yes ?" I answered weakly.

"Let's get out of here ?" He asked, frowning.

"Er – yes, sure." I jumped into Emmett's car while he sped off ... Somewhere.

So Emmett had kissed me. Ok this far. I brushed my hand over my lips, feeling the icy of ghost of my Imprint's lips lingering. What a rush ! And this was only a light peck ... A romantic pre-taste ... Uh, or not... It had been like an explosion of feelings, a whole new sets of nerves never explored firing at the same time. A majestic firework for someone who had never seen one before. One thing I was sure of, I wanted ... _more_. MUCH more.

So much for being friends forever. Like that was ever going to work now.

Yeah, of course, friends kiss each other all the time ! And even if they did, they're not supposed to like it !

Ok, so not friends then.

Wait, Emmett wanted to be friends. So I had to remain a friend.

My wolf howled and I couldn't help but agree... Friends ? That sounded ... Hollow !

I sighed. I had a knack for complicating my own life it seemed ...

"Jake ? You alright ?" I jumped.

"What ?" I asked, surprised.

"You haven't listened to a single word I said, have you ?"

"Sorry, I – uh ... I've been trying to figure out what to buy you for Christmas and I can't make up my mind". Thank God for Christmas !

I fazed out again. So that realization I had come to a few days ago. It had to be true. Or it was all some twisted consequence of the Imprinting... No, somehow I knew that wasn't it.

Somehow, I knew deep down. I knew deep down I loved Emmett.

Fuck.

That was NOT the plan !

What was I supposed to do now ? I could already imagine the hurt of Emmett's obvious rejection ... But that was beside the point.

Friday the 21st 2012. My first kiss with someone I truly loved. The first and probably the last.

"Jake ? You sure you're alright ?"

I shook myself out of my moping. I could NOT let him suspect. "Yup !" I tried for a smile.

He sighed and pulled over. _Déjà vu _... "I'm going to do this every time there's something up and you're not telling me." He stated firmly. He added with a grin "That was you can be sure I care."

I grinned. Somehow he could see straight through me ... Well, guess I had to say something !

An idea slowly came to me. An idea that would hopefully help me deal with my new ... _feelings_ so I said hesitantly, trying to satisfy both of us. "It's not much, I just ... Fuck this is going to sound weird and humiliating ..." I took a deep breath "Look – I just wish you would ... hold me ... more".

Emmett smiled "That wasn't so hard, was it ?" His smile faltered "And ... Er – I ... Hum ... I kind of agree ..." Oh. OH ! I gaped.

He pulled back out on to the road and sped away again.

I felt lighter now I had admitted it. And he had the SAME OPINION ! How good could things get ? Somehow this gave me hope. Maybe – Just maybe we some day could have something more than friendship ! Maybe !

I had never taken the time to consider my future. At first my future had been dark – when I first Imprinted. Then happy – when Em' and I became great friends. Then dark again – when I realized that I wanted more but Emmett did not. Well, I never actually had the time to feel depressed about that last part, not only could I hardly feel depressed with my Imprint around, but I had never really stopped and thought about my feelings. I had gone from friend to denial to hope. But ultimately I only really cared about keeping Emmett happy.

"So where are we going ?" I asked, very well aware of Emmett gazing at me worriedly.

"Carlisle wants me to take you home, he says there's something he'd like to ask you, but he won't tell me what …" Uh ? Well, I wasn't exactly worried, Carlisle and I had been on relatively good terms since Rosalie left; anxious maybe ? What could he want with me ?

Again I let my mind wander. Time had flown by again. Almost four month now since I had imprinted on Emmett ! Time had no right to pass that quickly ! Edward and Jasper had been very nice to me, even helping me pull pranks on Emmett ! Apparently Emmett thought his brother wasn't fun, and Edward was hell-bent on proving him wrong. So he had enlisted me and Jasper for some practical jokes. The result was an all-out war between Emmett and Edward, in which I at first struggled to take side.

All of it was good fun obviously, Emmett had polished the floor in Edward's room, so now Bella had to be carried around in there or she would fall every other minute. He had managed to remove the rear-view and wing mirrors of Edward's car, who hadn't noticed it until he got pulled by Charlie (which didn't help to put Edward in Charlie's good books).

Edward had so far filled Emmett's car with stink bombs (you have no idea how bad that stinks for a vampire or a shifter), filled his room with balloons (we scared the whole house when we set out to make them explode one by one with Emmett), empty Emmett's schoolbag and fill it with bricks instead (a vampire wouldn't notice the weight difference, no wonder Emmet was pissed after the got detention. I kind of got pissed at Edward too seeing as it was one of those days when I was waiting outside for my Imprint).

In retaliation, I had afterwars sided with Emmett, and we had removed Bella's trucks' tires while she was out with Edward, so she had been back late home and Charlie hadn't been happy. After that she and Edward had hid the keys to my car (by the time I found them dad was already pissed). Of course there was this one hilarious time when I had filled Edward's room with garlic (apparently vampires hate the smell of it), and the whole Cullen household had had to evacuate the mansion for a few days while the sent disappeared…

After that we had called on a truce, until Edward decided it would be fun to put a dog kennel near the entrance of the house. Emmett had laughed to the point where he would have cried had he been human, while I was watching, not sure whether to laugh like crazy too or go yell at Edward… In the end my brain decided it would be fun to mix the two, so I ended up yelling at Edward giggling all the while, ending up rolling on the floor laughing at his face…

Well, Emmett and I still hadn't gotten back to Edward about that last stunt … But we had been very tempted to unleash a few bats in Bella's bedroom (to keep the spirit going !). In the end Emmett and I decided we would be the mature ones, and left it at that.

Until Jasper, probably bored, tried to spur on the feud by cutting holes in Emmetts' and Edwards' clothes. But he got caught red-handed, and Emmett and Edward decided on a momentary alliance while they pelted Jasper's car with eggs and flour – which, in case you don't know, is a dangerous mix.

"Jake ?"

"Yup ?"

"We're here !"

I looked around, amazed. Wow, of late I fazed completely out … "Sorry, coming !"

We strode to the entrance, where the kennel was still standing proud. I noticed irritated that a "J" had now been painted on the oversized dog-house…

I said "Jasper must have found out the idea of egg and flour was mine"

Emmett smiled "Yeah, well, he did spend the whole night washing his car. Who knew flour could stick that much ! At then end I decided to help out cleaning, and Edward joined… So I guess the revenge fell on you !"

I grunted "Someday you'll have to buy a dog and call it 'Joe' so people don't start asking questions .."

Emmett laughed "No one would believe a dog lives there ! It's big enough for a full grown wolf !" He said cheekily.

We fell silent as we entered the large mansion and found the whole Cullen family was waiting, Esme in Carlisle's arms, Alice in Jaspers', and even Bella was sitting in Edward's lap.

"Hello." I offered politely.

One by one, they came to offer a hug, kiss, or hand shake. We all went to join Edward and his girl in the living room, where we all sat down.

"So, we'd like to invite your to a party, Jacob." Carlisle started.

I turned my head to him, surprised. I knew we were on good terms, not on friendly terms …

"We're organizing a Christmas party on the 25th, and we were wondering if you would join us. Billy and the pack are also welcome, if they want to come !"

"Wow." Was all I managed. Relations with the pack and the coven had been strained. This was … unexpected !

"I'll be happy to come ! I don't know if anyone else will, though …."

Carlisle smiled "That's alright. We're hoping to be able to be on better terms with the Tribe, it would make life easier for you and Emmett. If it doesn't work, I'll find another way to make this work." I frowned. There was something he wasn't telling me….

Emmett seemed to sense this to, for he asked "Carlisle, why are you doing this ?"

The patriarch smiled kindly again "Because, Emmett, I reacted appallingly when Jacob Imprinted, and made it even more difficult for you two. And I realize how good Jacob has been for you. So when you told me Jacob suffered for helping you after Rosalie left, I felt guilty, and decided to fix this. It's not like I have too little time anyway… So as a way to make up for my mistake, I agreed to this, and I'll be sure to find a way to mollify Billy if this doesn't work."

I was stunned. Emmett had gone blabbing about my dad yelling at me ?

"He was concerned Jacob …" Edward said, smiling apologetically. Oh, yes, mind reader ….

"What ?" Emmett asked, oblivious.

"Nothing important" I answered. I was already trying to figure out what to buy Emmett for Christmas.

"Oh and Jacob ? There is one condition. No one is allowed to buy us anything." Carlisle added, what ? One mind reader is not enough ?

Edward chuckled "Carlisle is quite good at reading people when he's not focused on hating them" He said coolly.

Jasper chuckled "Yes, or too busy worrying about his favourite daughter getting hurt"

Esme took pity at this point in the Carlisle-bashing session "That's enough. Jacob ? Maybe you should tell your father, it's only in a few days, after all …"

"Yeah, I'll tell him when I go home tonight !"

Carlisle sat up "Right then, we're off hunting ! See you later Emmett ! Jacob." He nodded when passing by me.

They all blurred away, and I followed Emmett who strode up towards his bedroom.

When I finally reached his bedroom, Emmett was sitting cross-legged in his bed, with a mischevious grin. He motioned for me to join him. I clambered up in bed awkwardly, unsure of what was going to happen.

Suddenly Emmett pounded on me and hugged me tightly.

"I love that you love letting me hold you Jake". He whispered , his chin resting on my head, which was, as usual, safely tucked in Emmett's muscled neck.

We were lying in bed, holding each other. For a split second I wondered at the strangeness of it all. Two friends hugging each other in bed ? When did that ever happen ?

But immediately the feeling of happiness supplanted everything. Who cared as long as we both were happy ? No one !

The ghost of Emmett's lips came back to haunt me at that precise moment. Oh how I longed to feel them again, seeping the heat out of mine.

But I was sure Emmett didn't want that. Not yet at least. But I retained a glint of hope for myself. A hope that some day he would return my feelings. I didn't let it get me down though. I was happy and that was all that mattered !

* * *

"Jacob ? Jacob, you should wake up !" I heard someone whisper in my ear, a feeling which sent a shiver down my spine.

"Are you cold ?" The voice I recognized as Emmett's ask, a tad worried.

I chuckled "Me ? cold ? Obviously you don't know me very well !" Before adding in a slur "What time is it ?"

"Almost 8PM … I don't want your dad to get pissed again because of me …"

I tried to jump up, only to notice Emmett was still holding me tight. "You stayed here for four hours ?" I asked, surprised.

"Mmh …" I heard, before he added "I love your heat …"

The tone of his voice sent another shiver down my spine "I love the cold … Since I shifted for the first time I have loved the cold … This feels … _Right_." I said, before realizing what I said. Oops. Hope he doesn't take it wrong …

"It does, doesn't it ?" He answered.

A tear fell down my cheek. Since mom died no one had cared like Emmett did … No one had stopped everything they were doing only because they were suspecting I wasn't perfectly fine. And hearing him say what he just said meant more to me than I could possibly say. It meant more than I could ever express.

* * *

I had not been able to convince dad to come to the Cullen's party. He said we had been invited at Sue's who was hosting a party too, but I could not tell whether or not he was relieved to have an easy way out or not.

I also invited the pack to come during one of our patrols – one of many, chasing that red headed female vampire. Paul growled and looked like he was about to run to rip Emmett's head again, but this time he simply patted home, tail tucked between the legs. I tried to look for the answer in his head, but all I saw was an image of me in his head, which was positively puzzling.

Sam told me to thank them for the offer, but that he had been invited at Sue's too. Some said they might come, some said they wouldn't. All in all, no one was thrilled by the idea, but I had expected as much !

* * *

Christmas was spent with dad, Bella and Charlie. We laughed, we drank, and had a good night's fun. We exchanged gifts, ate, spent the night blabbing about anything and everything while stuffing ourselves with chocolate. Dad and I spent a minute outside, in comfortable silence, remembering my mother, his beloved wife. We got a call from both my sisters, and I spent a long time catching up with them. In the end, I realized I had spent a great night, even thought something was ultimately missing: Emmett.

* * *

The evening of the party arrived. I was standing in front of the mansion with the two pack members that had agreed to come: Seth and Quil.

Carlisle appeared at the door, opening it wide with one his dashing smiles.

"Welcome !" The music was booming inside, and the whole house had been redecorated. We three shifters gaped. Fake snow had been pelted around the house, trees looked like they were sprouting from the ground, each one richly decorated. Large tables bending under mountains of food, and it looked like every single person from the local school was there.

Quil and Seth exchanged a grin, before turning to me "We'll see you later !" They said, before öaking a bee-line for a table with delicious looking food, and quite a few girls from the local highschool. I chukled to myself.

I wandered around, politely greeting everyone I knew, although I was shaking inwardly at the idea of spending Christmas Eve with my handsome Imprint.

The first thought that crossed my head when I saw Emmet was that he looked good enough to fuck. Then I thought I needed a cold shower. Then I wished the house wasn't packed and I could hug him tightly, Then I was gasping for air as he brought me in a bear-hug.

We jumped apart when we heard something glassy break. Turning around, I saw Alice with a look of pure terror, gazing at Emmett, desperation in her eyes. She whispered "Victoria"

"_So this is Christmas_

_And what have you done_

_Another year over_

_And a new one just begun_

_Ans so this is Christmas_

_I hope you have fun_

_The near and the dear one_

_The old and the young_

_A very merry Christmas_

_And a happy New Year_

_Let's hope it's a good one_

_Without any fear_

_And so this is Christmas_

_For weak and for strong_

_For rich and the poor ones_

_The world is so wrong_

_And so happy Christmas_

_For black and for white_

_For yellow and red ones_

_Let's stop all the fight_

_A very merry Christmas_

_And a happy New Year_

_Let's hope it's a good one_

_Without any fear_

_And so this is Christmas_

_And what have we done_

_Another year over_

_And a new one just begun_

_Ans so this is Christmas_

_I hope you have fun_

_The near and the dear one_

_The old and the young_

_A very merry Christmas_

_And a happy New Year_

_Let's hope it's a good one_

_Without any fear_

_War is over over_

_If you want it_

_War is over_

_Now..._ " John Lennon sang. I had a funny feeling war was only starting.


	15. Something More 1

"_One of the boys,[Emmett], became my friend. We played a lot of cricket together. Well, we played everything together. And it stayed like that for a few month__s__. And then, one night, it became something more."_

A/N : Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Still no warning (but they are fast approaching !)**

* * *

Chapter XV : **SOMETHING MORE**

* * *

We were in Carlisle's study. We, being Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, Edward and Bella, Jacob, two of his pack mates and me.

"So, Alice, why don't you start from the beginning ?" Carlisle demanded.

"I saw Victoria. She is coming with an army of newborns in one week today. I can see the battle but not any of our futures afterwards. I can only tell you Bella lives." Alice declared, looking troubled.

"Newborns ?" Jacob asked.

"New vampires." Carlisle provided.

"They're stronger, faster but bolder than older vampires." Jasper added.

"What does that mean ?" Jacob asked.

"That means an ugly fight." Carlisle answered.

"A blood bath you mean ?" I supplied.

Carlisle sighed "Do you have any idea how many newborns are coming, Alice ?"

"At least forty."

Silence followed her statement. We could not possibly survive this. Six vampires against fourty newborns ? We would all be slain.

"And Victoria is joining in too, so we can't hope to outsmart them easily." Alice added.

"I think we all know what this means. We have no hope of surviving this attack. No coven has ever survived an attack of this amplitude." Carlisle finished.

"WHAT ?" Jacob sputtered.

"Well, one or two of us might make it, but I don't really see the point." Carlisle said, looking wary.

We all remained eerily calm. All of us had lived a long life, and I think no one really regretted the prospect of dying. Except maybe –

"Well, let's just run away !" Bella almost yelled.

"That won't work. If we run away, the newborns will be unleashed on Forks, the Quileutes will have to take care of it, and they will die instead. This is our problem, and I will NOT let anyone get killed because of it." Carlisle was right, of course. This was Edward's doing, even though it wasn't of his own choice. We had to right the scale, I doubt anyone would think ill of that.

"And anyway, they are after Bella and have her scent, they'll just destroy everything here, and Victoria will try again wherever we go. We need to take care of her." Edward said dejectedly.

"Ed' is right, we have to fight Victoria here, we don't really have a choice." I backed my brother.

"Wait ! I am NOT letting you die Emmett, no FUCKING way !" Jacob yelled. Oops, guess I forgot about him. Wonder what happened to the Imprinted when the Imprint died. He could not die too, right ? Anyway, there was no way I would let him take the risk to die just to make him happy or because there was a slight chance I might pull through.

Everyone dispersed, leaving Jacob and me alone in the study. "Look, Jake, there is nothing you can do..."

He opened wide eyes "No ... NO ! I'm not letting this happen !"

I sighed "Look, Jake, you don't get to choose I'm afraid. This is my decision, and I'd rather make myself useful, protect the town, Bella and you guys than anything else !"

"Then I'll fight with you." Jacob looked determined. Very determined.

I sighed again "I can't let you die in vain, Jake. Look, I don't have much to live for. If my whole family is to disappear, I would prefer to go with them. You have your whole life in front of you, you can find yourself a nice girl to marry, live a long happy life !"

Jacob stared at me "You still don't get it, do you ?"

"What are you talking about ?"

His eyes filled with tears. "I can't live without you Emmett."

I slid an arm around his neck and pulled him tightly against me. Gosh did I love his heat ! "Look, I'm sure my death won't kill you. You may not like it, but we don't have much of a choice."

"No Imprinter has ever let his Imprint die. And when the Imprint dies of old age, the Imprinter also does. But that's not even the point ! I am NOT letting you do this !"

I pulled out, irritated at his insistence. "Look, what do you want me to say ? I'm doing this to protect you, to protect Forks, and to protect your best friend Bella."

At that point, Jacob slowly walked towards me, until we were bare millimetres apart. And before I realized what was happening, he was kissing me.

I was too shocked to react.

I even let his tongue in my mouth.

My eyes were open wide.

I could feel the heat permeate from inside my mouth.

I stepped back and looked at him, dumb-struck.

"Jake ?" I managed to utter after a while.

He took a few steps back "I – Uh ..." Was all he could stutter before running off. I slumped down in the nearest chair.

I had some serious thinking to do...

First of all, I highly doubted this was some mistake or prank. This was serious, that much was obvious. So that meant that Jake ... ?

I was only a few days ago that he expressed the need of my presence. But from that to ... ?

It couldn't be !

Could it not ?

Or Carlisle had always been right, and this was long overdue. Maybe he was right to worry about Rosalie because ultimately Jake couldn't be just a friend with me.

But wasn't he supposed to be what I need ? Wasn't that what he said ?

"_Deep down, Emmett, it is not a friend you need. A vampire needs a mate. All the more with Rosalie gone."_ Carlisle had told me.

I had refused to believe him.

I snorted. Denial. Crap, I hadn't even realized it. And now what do I do ?

I'm not even gay ! How could this ever work out ?

On the other hand, I had admitted to feeling right about holding him in my arms in bed ... If that wasn't gay then what is ?!

Maybe I was ? Not that it really mattered, if I was then I was. I couldn't care less what others said, and I knew my family would be happy so long as I was. So there was no bigotry involved.

But if I wasn't, could I really pretend to be ? Just to keep Jacob happy ? Of course not ! What a lovely conundrum...

The situation was a mess. And anyways, if we were all to be killed by the redheaded bitch, it didn't really matter.

So I continued with my denial, decided to push the matter away and postpone the moment when a decision would have to be taken. After all, there was a good chance I never would have to make up my mind.

But what to do with Jake in the mean time ? He was probably confused and/or scared shitless to face me ...

But if these were to be my last days, I would not waste them arguing or dancing around the issue. I would tell Jacob the truth: I have no idea what I should do or what I want to do, or even what I feel about it.

Hours passed.

Mainly I wished Jacob never had imprinted on me. Poor boy would either die with me if my worst fears came to pass, mourn me forever if he couldn't get over the grief, and at the very least I would have to tie him up somewhere to keep him from sacrificing himself in vain.

I thought about Rosalie. I thought about the waste I had made of all these years, of the mess I had created.

I thought about Bella, how she would probably spend her next ten years mourning Edward.

No wonder we vampires spend our time reading Romeo and Juliet. We all love and this creates problems no mortal man could comprehend. Jasper was made to train and kill newborns, Edward waited a century before being united with his singer, month before walking to his death – or whatever you call the moment a vampire ceases to exist – I had walked into the arms of a bear, before being taken in and cast aside by Rosalie.

In the end none of it really matters. What are we in the grand scheme of things ? Are we like Stalin said small cogs in a vast machinery ? Or are we like Darwin's finches, adapting to whatever comes our way best we can ?

Neither really. More like sand in the desert, each an individual grain, and nothing short of a mass able to impact life. Wind carries us wherever it wishes, whether or not we consent. Rain washes us, sweeps us like dry leaves in an autumn storm. Yet when a number of us rise, we can disrupt the life of anyone. When an army is raised, nothing can stop us.

How well Victoria had understood that concept.

When the first lights of the morning reached the mansion, I shook myself out of my dark dwellings and left the study. Everyone was sitting in the living room, seemingly waiting for me.

I looked at them.

I looked at Carlisle and Esme, sitting next to each other, looking peaceful. I looked at Jasper and Alice, whispering sweet things to each other, uncaring of what might happen. I looked at Bella, on Edward's lap, holding each other for dear life.

They all had a reason to fight. They would fight for each other.

What was I supposed to fight for ? Had Rosalie been here, I would have fought to do my best to keep her safe. But she wasn't. She was gone.

And I was left alone.

But no, not alone. Jacob was there. I would fight for him. I would fight to keep him safe.

I was sitting on a comfy chair when a few things happened at once. Alice fazed out, having one of her visions, and the phone rang. Carlisle blurred to it and began talking in a hushed voice. I didn't see the point in listening.

I didn't, until he came back with a bright smile.

"The pack is going to fight with us. With their help we should have a fair chance at beating the newborns. We can pull this through."

I frowned. I didn't like this. This meant they could get hurt. Badly.

Alice gasped and we all turned to her. She looked me over worriedly before saying "The pack's decision changed my visions. The fighting is blurred, but everyone has reappeared !" She paused. There was something else she wasn't saying, I knew there was "Everyone... including Emmett."

Which could only mean two things. Either I didn't see Jacob again or he didn't survive the fight.

I clenched my jaw. This had to happen. Of course it had to. I had been able to make peace with my lot and now the idiot was going to get himself killed. And there would be nothing I could do, otherwise Alice would see different futures. Had there been any hope of him surviving, I knew she would tell me.

Damn. What the FUCK do I do now ? Jake would be more than happy to turn the tables and say I was quick enough to write myself off. I knew it. The moron would take the moral high ground and go to his death with a smile on his face just like I would have done.

And I couldn't really blame him. But then, could I really not do ANYTHING ? I mean, if I stayed with him throughout the fight, I should be able to protect him !

But I knew not to doubt Alice's visions. Unless someone changed their minds, the future wouldn't change. So I had to think of something I hadn't yet thought of. A possibility no one had thought of. A way to save Jacob.

AAAAH ! This was hell ! I couldn't know if it would work until Alice had a change of vision. I had to think of everything and hope she sees something different, that was my only way to save Jacob's arse !


	16. Something More 2

**"_One of the boys, [Emmett], became my friend. We played a lot of cricket together. Well, we played everything together. And it stayed like that for a few month. And then; on night, it became something more. We had a few month together, we had that. And then there was a week-end in Udaipur where we were sitting by a lake watching the sun go down. And I remember thinking I would never be this happy again. And I was right! Because suddenly it was over. We had fallen asleep and they had found us."_**

- The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

A/N: Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Warning: Sad Ending**

* * *

**Chapter XVI: SOMETHING MORE II**

* * *

Right after I humiliated myself with Emmett I ran off to the reservation. I didn't let myself dwell on my stupidity with my Imprint, letting my feelings completely loose like that.

Anyways, I rushed to Sam. There was no way I would let Emmett do everything he talked about. All his suicide talks had gotten me mad. How could he be SO selfish ?!

I reigned in myself. I couldn't blame him. He was trying to take the moral high ground. He was doing this for the tribe, for the town, for Bella... I couldn't say I wouldn't do the same.

AND I hadn't been honest with him. I had had strong feelings for my Imprint for almost a month now. Or at least I had admitted it a month ago. Who the fuck knows what our feelings really are ?

I arrived at Sue's and found the whole pack there. Sam looked like Seth or Quil had told him about Victoria. When I arrived everyone fell silent.

"Well ?" Sam asked.

I clenched my jaw. "Guess you've heard about the army coming our way ?"

Sam nodded.

"Well, the Cullens say they should be able to destroy most of them but that they won't survive the attack."

Everyone except Sam looked down. They knew what this meant. What this meant for me. I guess they all had mixed feelings: as much as they wanted the Cullens to disappear, they knew there was one Cullen that couldn't really disappear.

"Well, we have to help them." Sam says as though he was stating the obvious. We all snapped our heads to him. WHAT ? Why did he risk the pack to save vampires ?!

Paul snorted "You're joking right ? I'm not risking my arse to save their skin ..."

I frowned. I really did not understand Paul's problem with the Cullens. Sure, ok, they were terrifying monsters that murdered poor deers in the forest. Some of them even murdered innocent bears in Canada ! Jerk ...

"So you prefer we take the risk of letting newborns escape and Jake's imprint dies ? Because of what ? Because they are vampires and we can't fight beside them to destroy a common enemy ? Because they have not created a single problem since the treaty is in place ? Or maybe you're just afraid of fighting that army, Paul. Or you've got a reason to want one of the Cullens die."

Paul growled "I. Am. Not. Afraid."

Sam nodded "Right, ok. So you won't mind explaining why you jumped on Jake's imprint and why you refuse to save him now then ?"

Paul threw his hands in the air "They're fucking blood-suckers ! We should never have made a treaty with them in the first place ! They don't deserve to live ! They're fucking MONSTERS and we should let them get shredded up like pigs !"

I lunged at Paul. He was NOT talking like that about my Emmett. No WAY ! I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him on the wall. After a few seconds I realized he wasn't fighting back. He was looking at me with something that looked like a pained expression. I glared and grimaced at him before saying, seething with hatred "Don't insult my Emmett like that in front of me if you don't want me to break every single fucking bone in that pathetic body of yours".

I let him fall down and backed away, every one looked at me like I was some loony. "What ? Wait 'till you get an Imprint and you'll see how you react when someone calls him a pig."

Seth chuckled "My Emmett ? Should we be applying for the best man position any time soon ?"

I felt myself blush. Oops, my tongue slipped, I meant 'Emmett' or 'my imprint' ... Or did I really ? Not like I had any right to claim him as mine like I just did ... "What'd you mean ?" I feigned innocently.

Leah sneered "Aw .. Our little Jake is in loooooove."

"Shut up Leah" I immediately snapped. I was in no mood for jokes now. Not from that bitter nutcracker anyway.

"Stop." Sam interjected as Leah was about to erupt. "We're helping the Cullens and that's an end to it. If only because we can't take the risk any of those vamp's escaping and anyway we owe them at least that with the problems we've been causing them lately." He finished by looking pointedly at me and Paul. After a slight pause he added "And our duty is to protect the citizens of Forks, and that includes Bella. There are too many reasons for us not to get involved. Besides, if the Cullens disappear there won't be any more vampires around and we won't be able to shift after a few years. If a single rogue vampire shows his face we'll all be vulnerable. In any case I didn't think any of you would object against a good fight."

I smiled at Sam and nodded as most of us did. Paul looked like his favourite puppy had just been shot, but I couldn't care less about that thick moron.

"Now I'm going to call Carlisle, I suggest you all go home. We're going to need energy, no more patrol duties until the fight. We're trusting the Cullens to tell us if anything is going to happen. I will be in touch with you when I know more."

I quickly remembered my duties as Beta and shooed everyone away. I waited for Sam to call Carlisle though, anxious to hear how that would go.

"Carlisle ? It's Sam."

"_..."_

"Yes, Quil told me."

"_..."_

"Yeah, Jacob told me that, but that's why I'm calling. We would like to help if you think it could change something."

"_..."_

"No, I know there is a risk for us, but you're doing you're duty and we want to do ours."

"_..."_

Sam frowned, seeming irritated at something "Yes, yes, I understand you can't keep us safe, we can fend for ourselves, I'm not asking you to watch over us ! Look, Carlisle, we know the danger, and we've accepted it. Just tell me if we could make a difference or if we would sacrifice ourselves for nothing."

"_..."_

"Right. Well in that case we're helping."

"_..."_

"How do you know they're coming next Tuesday ?"

"_..."_

Sam looked puzzled and glanced at me briefly "Ok, good to know ..."

"_..."_

"Yes, that's a good idea. We'll come see you fight tomorrow." He hung up and turned towards me.

"Ok, we're on. They will show us a few things tomorrow morning, apparently we're not fighting regular vampires ..."

I exhaled. Good, now I would be over to watch over Emmett. I supplied "Yes, we're fighting _newborns _but don't ask me what that is or why it's different, I have no clue..."

Sam nodded "Right, I'll have to call everyone to let them know. We're meeting at the border in the clearing tomorrow morning at 11. I'll see you tomorrow, you should get some sleep."

I ran home, slumping on my bed after informing dad of what was about to happen. He frowned but said nothing, for which I was grateful.

I was lying in bed in my boxers, as per usual, wishing I had my cooling system lying beside me, wishing I could feel his cold skin sucking the heat out of me, wishing I could feel his strong arms securely wrapped around me.

As long as I didn't confess everything, though, that would not happen. If he wasn't interested it would actually NEVER happen... I highly doubted that model of masculinity could have a single gay bone in him, but after all, he _had _said he liked holding me, he thought it felt _right._ Just like me. So maybe there was hope.

I remember how perfect Emmett had looked during the party earlier that night. He had had a white shirt with a black jacket over, the top buttons of the shirt left open and leaving me with a plunging view of his chest. All this with a pair of low-waist tight navy blue jeans. Each time he lifted his arms, I could catch a glimpse of his happy trail.

In felt myself harden at the thought. I blushed at the idea of having _those _thoughts about Emmett. This was the first time if you except the ... dreams. I mean, sure, he was a model for a Greek God, but I had never thought of actually ... _Doing_ things with him.

I closed my eyes and let my mind fantasize, while one of my hands travelled south. I would slowly get down to my knees and start unbuttoning his shirt after he shrugged his jacket off. I smile up seductively at him while he groans. I take his shirt off and let my hands roam across his well-defined chest, rub his abs and pecs, brush over his pointy, icy nipples.

I would then stand up and claim his mouth like I did tonight or let his tongue thrust in my willing one. All the while I would undo his belt and rip his jeans open, before again kneeling and sliding them down, before facing his muscular thighs and the only clothing left: his boxers. I would start rub-

I opened my eyes in a start and sat up in a jump as I was cumming inside my boxers. I hadn't even realized I was rubbing myself ! Fuck it was a real mess ! And it was the first time I made myself ... cum ... over Emmett !

I tip-toed to the bathroom with a new pair of pyjama shorts and quickly returned to my bedroom after changing and drying.

I fell asleep in a record time, spent.

11 AM couldn't come slow enough. But it did come. The pack appeared at the meeting on time, all of us in our human forms.

"Welcome." Carlisle stated simply, before turning to one of his 'sons' "Jasper has experience with newborns, he can teach us how to defeat them."

I fazed out from the Q&A session, I knew it was important but after I crossed Emmett's eyes I couldn't think straight. He looked like hell, and that was an understatement. He probably wouldn't have any hair left if he could rip it off... His eyes were dark instead of the lovely honey colour, he had bags under his eyes as though he needed sleep and looked edgy. I frowned. Was this all because of one kiss ?

I barely registered as the Cullens started fighting amongst each other and soon the Pack joined in, changing in to our wolf forms. I preferred to stay human for now, I didn't want everyone spying on my thoughts.

I barely registered Edward come next to him.

"He's not like that because of your kiss, Jake" He said, looking sad.

I frowned again "Then what ?" Emmett looked busy fighting Sam, I hoped he wasn't listening...

"Alice has had a vision. His future reappears after the battle." Wha- Wait, did that mean ?

Edward supplied "Yes, that means you probably won't survive the battle." Well, better me than him. Edward ploughed on "He knows he won't be able to stop you from fighting, and he cares about you a great deal. He would prefer to die instead of you just like you would prefer to die instead of him." Edward flashed me a pained expression before moving away to take his turn against Sam.

A growl pulled me out of my thoughts. Emmett was fighting Paul. Who the HELL had paired THEM off ?

I ran off to strip and shift, quickly running back to watch Paul. His mind was focused on the fight at hand. I couldn't tell what he would do. I noticed Sam was watching the fight over too.

_Let him fight, Jake, don't intervene._

_But he's already tried to kill Em' ! Why did you allow this ?_

_Your imprint can fend for himself and I want Paul to fight over whatever his issues are. Hopefully he'll be taken __down__ a peg or two in the process._

_What ? What'd you mean ?_

_Look around, Jake. We don't stand a chance in 1 on 1 against a vampire. We need at least 2 on 1 to have a good chance. Emmett almost destroyed my jaw, and I'm supposed to be the strongest one. Paul can't win... I doubt he'll manage to graze your precious imprint. I didn't get anywhere near him ... I hope they're not all that strong._ I felt Sam's doubts. He was right. Against Emmett, no wolf could win. Not only were the chance slim against a normal vampire, but Emmett's 'special power' was his strength. I doubted even two wolves could win against him ...

_Oh so your Imprint is the strongest ?_

_Yes. _I answered proudly _like Alice can see the future or Ed read minds, he is stronger._

_Do you think the newborns are stronger than him ? Carlisle said they were stronger than regular vampires ? We'll have to show impressive team-work if we don't want to sustain damage._

Edward approached us "Emmett is almost as strong as a newborn, none of us stand a chance either against him, and nor do we against a newborn. That's why we need to outsmart them and work in teams. They're not organized and we can easily destroy them by working together, just like you can. This is not really fair as it is 1 on 1..."

I heard a whimper and saw Emmett slap Paul's face like he was swatting a fly, and Paul's head twisted cruelly. Paul growled and charged, but Emmett only blurred to his side and sent his foot flying in Paul's belly, who flew up and landed with a thud, grunting and howling.

I rolled my eyes. Typical Emmett to show off...

Emmett turned to me with a grin. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Not happening. Uh, uh !

_Come on, let's take him, Jake _Sam said, eying me with a devilish smile.

I grinned too _Sure !_

Emmett saw us approach and his eyebrows shot up "Two against one, huh ?"

"Sam says it's just about fair" Edward said, looking much too amused.

Sam lunged and Emmett simply ducked, but I lunged too at that moment and sent him flying with one of my paws. I smirked and looked over to where he had landed, only to notice he wasn't there.

"Looking for me, pup ?" I heard. I swirled around, growling, to see Emmett grinning, before jumping on my back and straddling me. "Who ho ! This it much better than rodeo !" He exclaimed as I thrashed about.

He was so into humiliating me that he didn't notice Sam jump over me, kicking Emmett off me and landing right _on _him.

Edward chuckled "Sam thinks you should stop being the school clown and pay attention." Sam bared his teeth for an added impression.

Emmett rolled his eyes "Growling and baring your teeth ? Seriously ? I spend half my time with a shifter, remember ? That's not impressive..." He punched Sam square in the jaw, who whimpered and quickly retreated. I grunted. Right, now I had to take him on one on one ... Great ... Good thinking Sam

_Shut up Jake, he fucking punched me in the jaw AGAIN. Fucking hurts ..._

I huffed and lunged for Emmett who was now sitting up lazily, looking thoroughly bored. I pretended to go for the head, but jumped up and clamped my muzzle shut by tightening his arms around it before I had a time to react.

"Right. Anyone wants to actually challenge me ?" I kicked his legs with my front paw and he fell to the ground. I trampled his shoulders and arms with my large leg to make sure he couldn't do to me what he did to Sam.

What now ?

"He wants to now what you do now." Edward translated.

Emmett smirked "Easy." He fumbled with his legs and I frowned. What the hell was he planning ?

My eyes opened wide as I felt wide blinding pain emanate from where Emmett had kicked my nuts. I rolled to the ground whimpering.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK !

Hurts ! OUCH ! Hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts.

I barely registered that I shifted and held my hurting balls. I was lying groaning on the ground.

"Jake, shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit that hard !" I felt him carry me off to where I had left my clothes. The pain slowly, SLOWLY faded away.

I heard him chuckle "Emmett it's not fun..." I was still holding my balls rolling on the ground where he put me down.

"Sorry."

"I actually have plans to use them, you know." I joked before I snapped my eyes open, realizing what I just said.

"Oh yeah, those plans involve me ?"

I grunted. This was NOT the time. My balls HURT ! FUCK !

After what seemed like an eternity I was able to stand up and clothe myself, limping, while Emmett looked away. I sat down, still massaging my hurting jewels.

"I'm really sorry, Jake, I didn't realize you guys were that fragile." I growled for good measure. "We need to talk, Jake."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. And before you say anything, I might as well say it. I love you, alright ?" There. Done. I looked down, waiting for the unavoidable rejection.

"Yeah, I figured." What ? No insult ? No disgust ?

I looked up bravely "And ?"

His turn to sigh "I don't know what. I really don't have a problem with it, but I don't know how I feel about you, alright ?"

I clamped my mouth shut. Well, I guess it wasn't too bad. At least there was hope and he wasn't mad. It was still disappointing though to hear him say it.

"But Jake ? We can talk about that later. For now this is more important." I looked at him, doubtful anything could be more important to my eyes.

"Alice saw that-"

"I'm going to die, I know, Ed' told me. So ?"

"You're joking right ?"

"What, wasn't that how you reacted yesterday ?"

He flashed an empty smile "Yeah, I figured you'd say something like that. Look, Jake, I'm not letting this happen. I'll tie you to a tree somewhere if I need to, but you are NOT dying Tuesday."

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, right, like that'll help. Just admit we've only got one week left together now and we can enjoy it instead of spending it arguing about who is going to die."

"So you're not even going to fight this ?"

"Were you ?"

He frowned "Yes ! I would have fought to my best to survive."

"And what was that about preferring to disappear with your family if they did ?" I asked, angry. Filthy liar. He was playing low and we both knew it.

"That was before you kissed me and I wondered if I might love you." He stated simply.

Oh. Oh ! My heart thumped in my chest. This was unfair. I had a shot at happiness and I would have to give it up "Look, I'm not going to go there with a death wish, but you told me yourself Alice's visions never lie unless something important changes."

He clenched his jaw "So you're going to fight knowing you could stay away for me, to be with me, just because of some dried up sense of loyalty to Sam ?"

I jumped up and let my voice rise "Look ! I'm not doing this for Sam, I'm doing this to keep YOU safe. I would NEVER be able to stay away while everything I love is somewhere else fighting for me. You might as well suck it up and accept it."

He sat down and hung his head "Jake, please don't do this to me ..."

Now I yelled " "Don't do this to you ?" Do you think I could face the pack if I didn't fight ? Do you think I could face them if one of them died because I played coward ? You're asking something I can't give, Em', so just leave it !" I started walking away, seething. How could he ask this of me ?!

Emmett blurred in front of me. "Jacob. Please. I can't face eternity alone again. You said you'd always be there for me. It's time to honour your promise." He was looking determined.

I yelled again "NO ! I'M DOING THIS FOR _YOU _SO STOP BUGGING ME !" and walked around him to join Sam

He looked at me with a strange expression. "I'm bugging you ?"

I turned my head "Yes. You're being selfish." I was seething again. I phased with my clothes on and ran home. I didn't care about the others. Fuck them ! Fuck this ! Emmett was an idiot if he couldn't understand ! I loved him and there was no way I would let him fight alone or I would coward away.

_Jake, if the pixie has foreseen you'll die, maybe you should stay away .. No one would think less of you. No one can blame you for wanting to live with your imprint._

I shifted back. Fuck them all. I didn't care if I had to die. All that mattered was Emmett and he was being a self-righteous jerk who wouldn't understand why I was doing this. He couldn't give me one week of happiness because he was being self-centred. I mean he could think about me instead of thinking about himself for one minute ! I only asked for a week with him before taking my bow, and he gets all sad on me because I'm protecting him.

Well FUCK HIM !

Three days later (Saturday) I went over to the Cullen mansion. I knew I was being hard, and I was being selfish too, so I had to at least tell him I was sorry and try to explain it all with a cool head. I needed him to understand, I would lie if I said I didn't hope for a last kiss before I did my duty towards my imprint. I loved him and that's all that mattered.

I reached the house and knocked. Carlisle opened immediately.

"Hello, Jacob."

He probably knew more than he was letting me see "Is Emmett here ?" I asked nervously. I knew he was probably not very happy about what I said to his son if he heard me lash out that Wednesday.

"No, he isn't. We haven't seen him since Wednesday. And he isn't answering on his phone..." his eyes unfocused.

I frowned. "What are you not telling me ?"

He re-focused his eyes on me, and hesitated before declaring "His future disappeared."

My eyebrows shot up. I was going to live? "What has changed ?"

"I don't know ..." He trailed off. I was feeling antsy. Something was wrong, something was off.

I frowned "Carlisle, you might as well tell me everything."

He clenched his jaw "Look, it might be nothing, but his future disappearing doesn't necessarily mean you two are re-united. It can also mean he found a way to save you from dying at the expense of his own life."

My heart fell into my boots. My heart thumped fast. I ran off to his bedroom. If Emmett had some reckless plan he would have told me before, right ?

_Except if he thought you would have stopped him._

I barged into his bedroom and my eyes fell onto his desk, where there was the fucking envelop labelled:

_For Jacob_

I ripped it open and pulled the letter out, noticing from the corner of my eyes Edward was behind me, as well as Jasper and Alice.

_Jake,_

_I did the only thing I thought would be able to save you. If my future disappeared it worked. You're safe. You probably hate me by now, which is only good as I won't be coming back. I have no hope of coming back. Look, I know that you think it is your duty to protect me and all, but I'm a 90 years old vampire. I have lived a long life. You are only eighteen and have your whole life in front of you. I am a cursed monster that lives in the night, that survives on other animals' lives. You are the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met. You deserve to live, I do not. I just wish I could have spent a little more time with you. It's selfish, I know, but you said I was selfish. I was sorry to hear that this was your opinion of me. I wish you had a better opinion of me, but I didn't choose to be me. I just am. I know you will forget __me__ before long. Don't doubt me, I know. A lost love is quickly forgotten and replaced. Please don't blame yourself for anything, as I said, I lived a plentiful life, it was well time I ended it. I am going to fight Victoria and her newborns. I think I should be able to kill most if not all of them by surprise. She has no idea I am coming and I will take them down one by one. One of them is bound to get me though, but I will fight as many as I can to keep you safe. Paul loves you, Jacob, I hope you can be happy with him. I talked to him, and we understand each other. He will do everything in his power to protect you, just like he always __has__ done, just like he tried to do when you Imprinted on me. Please be happy with someone, Jacob. This is my only wish, I want you to be happy and live a full merry life. I want you to forget completely I ever entered your life, forget your love for me. I don't deserve it in any way. I'm a buggering selfish idiot weeping over my mistakes because I'm over-possessive and protective. Please don't mourn me, Jacob, I am not worth it. Please be happy. Please be happy for me._

_I love you,_

_Emmett_

The paper was stained with red.

Edward choked and managed to utter "Vampires can cry. We can weep tears of blood when we have found our soulmate."


	17. Laments

**"_Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end !"_**

_- The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel_

A/N: Ok, a bit theatrical, but you'll live ! Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Warning: DUBIOUS CONSENT ROMANCE !**

* * *

**Chapter XVII:** **LAMENTS**

* * *

I re-read the letter, just to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks, the red-stained letter. I stayed unmoving for a few seconds.

"Emmett ..." I whispered, before falling to my knees, holding the letter close to my chest.

I heard Jasper whisper "He needs to be alone." They left silently and closed the door. I was grateful. I fell against the bed. A sob could shook me. I inhaled Emmett's sent. I looked around. A white T-shirt; I lashed for it and inhaled deeply.

A tear ran down my cheek. I laid down on the bed, still clinging on to the shirt. My mind was empty. What was I supposed to think ? Do ?

I jerked out of bed and literally jumped down the stairs. Emmett. Seattle. Simple. Protect him. Save his muscular moron butt. I couldn't think he was dead. He was alive and I was going to save him. I shut out all questions I had about his survival.

I was almost outside when the whole coven blurred in front of me. "Don't even think about stopping me!" I warned them.

Carlisle frowned "Look, Jake, I'm sorry but we can't let you run away like that."

"WHY THE HELL NOT ?" I yelled. I didn't have any patience whatsoever. I needed to leave. Now. I was already feeling Em's absence after five days apart.

Carlisle had a crazy look about him "Because my son probably gave his life for you. I'm not letting you ruin that sacrifice because you rush into the dragon's den." He had the same terrifying expression he had showed when Paul attacked. Every single feature of his face was animated in a blazing fury. His body language screamed attack. And all that was directed at me.

I took a cautious step back. I wouldn't be of much help dead to Emmett. I needed him to step aside, and I needed him to do it quickly !

"Look, Carlisle, I'm sorry but he's my Imprint, I don't have a choice."

"I'm sorry too, Jacob. He left me a letter too. His last wish is for me to keep you safe. I'm not about to disregard that. We've got an army of newborns coming tomorrow, and I need to be here to protect Forks. I can't go with you to Seattle looking for Emmett now. We have an understanding with your pack, I'm not about to leave and let them take care of that for us."

I gaped. Emmett had asked Carlisle to protect me ? Well of course he had ! Stupid Imprint !

"Carlisle, I understand, really, I do. But you can't force me to stay here."

"No, but I can." Sam. Fucking perfect ! Now he COULD force me to stay here.

He added "And just so it's clear, I forbid you to leave this mansion without my express authorisation Jacob, that clear ?"

I kneeled to the ground again, and whispered "You know I can't live without him, Sam."

He sighed "Actually, Jake, I've done some research, you can. Come up." He lifted me by an elbow and more or less forced me down in one of the couches in the living room. Paul was there too, but I didn't even want to think about him or what Emmett had written about him.

The family converged to the living room too. "As I was saying, I did some research on that. Turns out a few wolves lost their Imprints. Turns out they all lived to tell the tale. Usually a wolf is said to be able to feel when his Imprint dies." I tried to jump up but Sam forced me down again. He quickly glanced at Carlisle before continuing "but since your imprint is already dead, I doubt you would feel it. Now, Carlisle is right. We need to wait for the newborns, then we'll take care of this. I know it's hard, Jacob, but you're sitting this one out."

I gaped again at him. So Emmett ran off to Seattle for nothing ? He did this to fucking protect me and I wouldn't even fight ?! What was the point of him destroying that army if I wasn't even in danger ?!

"You're joking, right ?"

He shook his head "In the state you're in, you'd get killed in half a second."

I sat up again, before having him push me back down again. "I'm not sitting it out, Sam."

Carlisle scowled "Jacob, you want to go look for Emmett right ? What if he's still alive out there but too weak to come back ? What if they have him captive somewhere ? What if the Volturri have him ? What if they broke his legs ? Do you think he could _crawl_ all the way here ? He needs you ALIVE Jacob. You need to stay alive to go looking for him."

"I'm not going to go all hara-kiri in the battle !"

Sam sighed "I don't care. You've got your orders. Go catch some sleep, you look like you need it."

I chuckled darkly "Oh so if Emily was missing you really think you could and sleep huh ? You think you would let anyone tell you what to do ? You think you would let anyone stop you from finding her ?"

He glared at me "I don't have an Alpha that can force me to do anything. My decision is final. I'll be back after the battle if everything is alright and we'll discuss it further." He left without further ado. The whole coven dispersed too, obviously seeking to avoid a fight, after Carlisle said "You won't be any good to Emmett exhausted."

I tried to leave. I really did. I fought Sam's order. I went as far as the exit door, but I couldn't cross the threshold... I was going to kill Sam ! How could he force me to stay here when my Emmett was out there and needed my help !

"Jacob, you can't disobey him, let's take you to lay down, you look spent." Paul.

I felt like punching him. What right did he had to give me orders ?

But in the end I knew he was right, Sam was right, Carlisle was right. I would be foolish to run there now. Emmett could not have destroyed more than half the newborns, they were stronger than him ! There's only so much you could do with a surprise attack.

I felt numb inside.

Despair was gaining on me.

I barely registered Paul was taking me to a bedroom. I didn't know how he knew where to take me, but that didn't matter.

Nothing really mattered.

Cold foreboding was filling my limbs.

I noticed that I was in bed and Paul was holding me. I didn't care he was using my grief to get near to me.

Nothing really mattered.

In seconds I was sweating, I needed cold not heat. Paul wiped my brow.

The truth was simple. Emmett was probably dead.

That did it. I couldn't shut out the thoughts or the feelings anymore. I let the dam break. I cried for all I had. I felt Paul pat my back and I felt disgusted, like I was cheating on Emmett, on top of everything else.

But I was too weak to protest. I needed to hold someone. I needed my someone but I couldn't get him. So I hugged Paul tightly.

After a few hours my tears dried up.

I felt completely empty. I didn't have anything to live for. I buried my head in the crook of Paul's neck.

"Jake, I know it's difficult, but you're going to be alright, don't worry."

Nothing mattered. Not Paul's delusions, not how disgusting he was for pretending like he did it to be a good friend.

I stayed with Paul during the night, frozen in the same position. I was soaked in sweat. I felt dirty.

No actually, I didn't feel anything. I was a shell, a ghost of my former self. I was Emmett, he was all I had, all I cared about, he was me. Without him, I couldn't even be.

I chuckled at how poetic I was being. Maybe I was going mad ? I probably was. Hamlet's "to be or not to be" made more sense now. I was but I couldn't be. I lived but I didn't really live.

I chuckled again. Definitely going mad.

"What is it Jake ? You alright ?"

I grinned "Peachy. My Imprint is dead and I think about Hamlet."

He looked at me with some pitying sad expression "It's going to be alright, Jake."

I chuckled again "Oh ? Why because you were waiting for him to leave so you could take his place, huh ? You were waiting for your turn to fuck me, is that it ?" I tried disentangling myself from Paul but he held firm.

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that. You're broken and I understand, Jacob, don't think for a moment I don't know how that feels. But you won't always be, you'll get better and I'll help you get better."

My mask fell. I went limp in his arms and new tears fell. "I won't ever see him again ..."

A myriad of emotions assaulted me. Loss. Pain. Loss. Anger. Pain. Contempt. Loss. Disgust. Pain. Outrage. Loss. Love. Pain. Hatred.

How did Emmett have the right to tell me who I should be with ? How did he have the right to decide my life ? How did he have the right to tell me he loves me just after he left ? How did he have the right to leave me ? I was supposed to protect him ! I was supposed to make sure this doesn't happen ! I was supposed to make sure he lived even if I didn't !

How did I not see he was going to do this ? Memories came to answer my question. The fight. Our fight. I told him to fuck off, I told him he was being selfish. Realization hit me. I was being selfish. Maybe more so. I too had wanted to be selfish and die while he lived. I hadn't listened to him. He thought I hated him for it. He died thinking he had let me down, thinking that he had disappointed me.

I let go of Paul and this time he let his iron grip fall. I fell back onto my back.

All this time I had been angry with him. All this time I had failed to see his side. Just like he failed to see mine. We didn't even try to understand each other.

I snorted. Yeah well, we've been in love for a few days, let us get used to it for fuck's sake ! Why did that freakin' army have to come now ? Why ?

I sobbed. And I wasn't even allowing myself to think he might not have survived. Because he did. He is. He's alive and waiting for me in Seattle. I knew it. He was alive. Whatever Sam said I knew I would feel if he passed into the void. I had to go after him.

I smiled. Yes, he was alive, that much I knew. All I needed to do now was to wait until I was 'allowed' to run off to Seattle to get my Emmett back, to nurse whatever injury he had sustained, to take care of him, to love him. I wanted to kiss him.

I needed to think positive. He was alive and when I had picked him up I would fucking spank him until he swore never to do anything like that again. I would fucking tie him up to the house if I ever thought he'd do something like that again.

I missed him. For all my thoughts, that was the predominant one. I missed how he held me, his cold taut skin, his perfect lips and smile.

I moaned and felt myself get hard. I needed my Emmett !

I didn't realize what I was doing. I was getting hard beside Paul. Bad move. Before I knew it he was tracing my jawline with his finger and I froze.

I felt the bed shift as he neared me.

"Paul ..." I warned him.

"Jake you're so beautiful ... I could make you happy. You wouldn't need to forsake traditions, family, pack to be with me, you know."

Now I was getting irritated. I really didn't need this. Just when I had gotten my spirit up a bit that bloody jerk was hitting on me. "Paul, I imprinted, remember ? Never going to happen."

He smiled sadly "He came to me, you know. Said he was going away to protect you, made me swear not to tell before it was too late. You can't save him Jake, you should accept it."

I opened round eyes. I hadn't realized that ! If Paul had told me I could've saved Emmett ! But it was too late now. And I understood why Paul did it. Delusional guy thought he could take my Emmett's place. No one could.

I turned my head to face Paul, but before I could say anything the moron was fucking kissing me !

I jumped up "Get out."

"Shh, you know you want this." Paul, too quick for me, swept my legs and made me fall on my back on the bed.

I growled "Paul, watch yourself..."

He chuckled "Don't worry, I know you won't be with me before you see him dead. I can wait, just want you to realize I am waiting..." He said as he brushed my groin. I kicked him square in the jaw.

"Don't. Ever. Touch me. Again." I jumped out of bed, and pitifully watched him rub his jaw.

The jerk smiled sadly "I'll be waiting, Jake. Some day you'll want someone there for you. I'll always be waiting. I just need to wait until you've burnt the leech's body." He strode out.

I stood gaping. Someone had a screw loose ... I shook my head in disbelief. I slumped against the bed, pulled my knees up and dropped my head in my hands. Hope. Not despair. That fucker almost got me to despair. Think about something else. If I hadn't argued with Em', if I had gone back to the Cullens' with him, he wouldn't have gone. Guilt, no good... Think about something else.

An image of Emmett sprawled on the ground with his head ripped off came to mind.

Think about something else.

I needed to sleep. But couldn't. Barely any sleep since I argued with Emmett. Felt too bad about it afterwards. What if he was angry with me ? What if he decided I wasn't worth it ? Well, at least those questions had been answered by the letter. I was shaking.

Fuck me this is not working.

I glanced at the numbers shining in red on the alarm clock. 4:56AM. Damn, it felt weird to be up and about at this hour...

I chuckled at how ridiculous that statement was. But, hey, denial is better than total breakdown ! Or again I'm just going slowly mad. I pictured myself with a funnel on my head like in those cartoons. Another chuckle. Yup ! Definitely going maaaaaad !

I fell to the floor, half laughing half sobbing. I couldn't do this.

"Can I come in ?" Edward asked as he knocked on the open door. He looked worried. I nodded wearily.

I sat myself cross-legged on the bed and Edward came to sit beside me. Fuck that felt weird too. Used to hate the chap ...

"You're not going crazy, Jacob. When James tricked Bella to that dance studio, I felt what you are feeling too. I thought he had no reason to draw it out, I thought I was what he wanted, so he would quickly slaughter her. When I came to that conclusion, I started laughing to myself, thinking how ridiculous the idea was of her in a dance studio, knowing how much of a klutz she is. I started quoting Romeo and Juliet to myself, wondering if I would kill myself only to realize she was still alive."

I chuckled "Me, I'm more Hamlet."

He opened round eyes "Hamlet ? I saw you more Midsummer Night's Dream ..." He smirked.

"Ha fucking ha !"

"Oh come on ! Falling in love against your will ?"

I snorted "Cut the crap Edward..."

He smiled tightly "Look, all I'm saying is that you're not going mad, everything you're feeling is totally normal. I don't want you to worry about anything unimportant. Tomorrow we run to Seattle as soon as the last newborn is in ash. All you need to do is to rest and be prepared for a veeery long day tomorrow."

I clenched my jaw and nodded. He was right on the whole line except the resting part. Not possible. And even though he was Edward, I liked that I wasn't going mad, he had reassured me. Some measure of peace of mind.

He chuckled "_De nada_, Jake. Let me do you a last service." He handed me a pill. "Sleeping pill" he added.

"Trust me, Jake, you need to sleep. I know you have barely slept since your fight with Emmett on Wednesday. I know what you refused to even think about, I know you think all this could have been avoided if you hadn't fought. I know how bad you feel about what you said to Emmett Wednesday, and I know what was said."

"Hey ! My thoughts are pri-"

"Look, we don't have much time, I need to be in the clearing to train with the family soon. So I'm going to the point. Emmett didn't think about leaving while I was there – believe me, I studied him all the time. You don't have to feel guilty, it's all my fault. I knew something like that would happen. I overheard him thinking he'd do anything to save you, so I kept a close look. He must have thought of the idea when we went hunting on Wednesday, because he was gone when we came back..."

"It's MY fault, Edward, not yours."

He gripped my head with both hands and forced me to look at him "MY fault, Jake. You focus on hoping and saving Emmett. I can take the guilt, you don't need to take the guilt. Now sleep. MY fault, Jake, MINE !"

I chuckled. "Fine, now get out and let me sleep. You need to promise me that you'll wake me as soon as you're back."

"Yup, part of the plan, don't worry. You trust me, right ?"

I took a deep breath and swallowed the fucking sleeping pill. "Yes."

"Good." He left. I laid down and fell asleep in a sleepless dream in a few minutes.

I was awake around mid-day. Shower and change of clothes - which I found on the bed when I awoke, apparently something Alice bought for me... Ten minutes later I was pacing in the entrance with my phone in my hand. I was waiting for something to happen, anything, anything _at all_ !

The whole family suddenly appeared outside the mansion, looking flustered but satisfied. Sam emerged out of the woods a second later. They all entered.

"Done, no casualties. Forget the orders I gave you yesterday." Sam simply said and left.

I nodded. No time to be angry.

Carlisle glanced at his family "Ready to leave ?"

Edward frowned. "We don't need to."

I was about to yell something not very polite when something caught my attention. Outside. Someone was coming.

I squinted. Who the fu-

Blondie ! What the fuck was she doing here ?!

She continued to walk calmly. She had something in her arms. Something huge.

My heart jumped. Emmett !

I ran out with a large grin. "EMMETT !"

But Emmett wasn't moving. He was limp in Rosalie's arms. What the fu-

My heart froze. I opened wide eyes. He was missing a large chunk of this throat, as though someone had taken a big bite and spit it out.


	18. The Greek Statue

"_It takes a long time for a body to be consumed. Many hours for the mourners to remember their dead. Is it our friend we are grieving for whose life we knew so little, or is it our own loss that we are mourning ? Have we travelled far enough that we can allow our tears to fall ?" _

- Evelyn Greenslade, _The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and Beautiful_

A/N: Thanks to elfprincess8 for her help ! Don't forget to check out her work, and the ones of Hank's Lady and Ant1gon3 !

**Warning: Erotic Allusions  
**

* * *

Chapter XVIII: **THE GREEK STATUE  
**

* * *

I was kneeling on the bed bed. I was kneeling in bed facing my Imprint; my Emmett.

Tears had stopped falling a long time ago.

His face was peaceful. He looked like he was sleeping. Just like mom all those years ago. She was dead but she had looked like she was sleeping. And now Emmett was sleeping. And he wasn't waking up.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks during which I had stubbornly refused to leave his side. I stayed there, all day long, willing him to wake up, willing him to come back to me. How could this happen again ?

I remembered how I felt after mom died. Crushed, there was no other way to describe it. But this was worse. This was much worse. Much, _much_ worse.

This was my Imprint, and he wasn't waking up.

I had gotten over my guilt a week ago. I had gotten over every possible emotion. Now I only felt pain. Pain at seeing Emmett lie there, unmoving, sleeping peacefully.

He was just as perfect as ever. He was the Incarnation of those Greeks Deities, he was a chiselled sculpture of a God. And he was mine. Or at least I thought he was. He was my statue. But that's just it. He was a statue. He didn't move.

He was just as perfect as ever, except for the chunk missing in his throat. A few centimetres under his ear, in the middle between the shoulder and the ear, a large chunk was missing. What looked like shards of glass were glistening in the light each time a ray of sun illuminated the room. He made the whole room glitter.

He was my diamond. My broken diamond. My statue. My broken statue.

**[Flashback]**

Rosalie gently laid Emmett down on the couch in the living room. Everyone stared in disbelief. Somehow, I think none of us actually believed this would happen. Emmett was strong. Emmett was invincible. Or so we thought.

Turned out he destroyed almost every single one of the newborns. Turned out that bitch Victoria decided to come nevertheless. Turned out she got gutted like the rest of her clique.

From what Edward told me, she had been looking for both me and Bella. Apparently Emmett had gone around growling "For Jacob." every time he destroyed and put fire to a newborn. So after she chewed of a chunk out of Emmett, she decided to come after me too.

Well, what with the pack, she received quite the welcome. But there was no need dwelling on that now. They were all dead, no one among us was even injured, slightly agitated at the Volturri's appearance, maybe.

Rosalie, like the Denali, with whom she had been staying, saw the news. They decided to go down to Seattle to assess the situation. And there they found Emmett, lying broken on the ground.

Edward told me Victoria didn't put lit Emmett up to give us false hope, to make us see him broken beyond repair. Well, her plan worked. We were all there, around him, watching in disbelief.

I was beyond shocked. I was beside myself. Literally. I couldn't move, talk, anything. I was in some state of live coma; like I was dream-walking. My Imprint was dead.

But he wasn't dead. Or he had always been. So he was more dead than usual ? No, one can't be more dead than dead. So what ? He wasn't dead, but he wasn't alive either. He had stepped into the beyond, as people said.

"Jacob." Edward said.

It brought me back. I turned to Carlisle. I needed hope, or I wouldn't be able to do this. I needed to believe it wasn't too late, Emmett could come back. I needed this or I would break down. I was already on the verge of falling into darkness. I needed a glimpse of hope, a last thin branch to keep me from falling into madness; utter and total craziness.

If Emmett didn't make it, if I wasn't allowed to hope, I had nothing to live for. It was as simple as that. Nothing. Niet.

That wasn't true though. I had dad, I had my sisters, the pack. But that wasn't true either. I had been blinded by light. Now all other candles would seem pail in comparison. Life would never be the same. The moth was burnt by the bulb and would have to live the rest of its pitiful life with the burn.

Carlisle's doctor instincts took over. He lifted Emmett and took him to his room. He made to shut himself in alone with his son but I wasn't about to allow that. I had been parted from Emmett for the last time. Not happening ever again. Not letting him out of my sight. They would have to carry me howling, clawing and biting away from him. Carlisle wouldn't take Emmett back to his room if there was no hope.

I needed to believe there was hope. Stand firm. Hope. Simple. Someone intelligent once said 'Only by fighting always, by never letting go can we keep the darkness at bay.' Well I was going to fight always against the darkness that threatened to take me. Emmett needed me now more than ever.

There's a reason a vampire is burnt. It's the only way to get rid of a vampire. But what happens when a vampire isn't burnt ? Well, I was about to find out. And I was about to save Emmett, and I would stay with him always.

Carlisle proceeded to cut his son's clothes off. I wasn't about to protest. I meekly took hold of a pair of scissors and helped. Carlisle _knew_. I trusted him, he would do everything in his power to save Emmett, and that was good enough for me.

Carlisle left his son in his boxer shorts and proceeded to gently stroke his son's skin, all over his body, back and front.

"Checking for other injuries." He said simply. I nodded. I didn't care. He _knew_.

When this was done, Carlisle covered his son to his chest with the covers and turned to me. He took a deep breath. He looked grim. I didn't like this look. Not one bit.

"A vampire can only be entirely destroyed by lighting him up with fire. As long as Emmett remains like this, there will still be a chance for him to come back to us. Even when a vampire's head is ripped off, there is a chance for him to come back. The head car carry on living without the body. This in comparison, is a light injury."

Carlisle grimaced "But that doesn't mean he will come back. And even if he does, it could take months or years."

I shrugged. Not important.

He sighed "And there's something else ... This is one of the vampire's best kept secrets, and I really shouldn't tell you, but here we go. The process can be improved and quickened by smearing venom on the wound." I opened wide eyes.

"BUT, it has to be the vampire's mates venom." My heart skipped a beat. Now this was a tricky business. Rosalie ... ?

Another sigh "Rosalie won't cut it, they ended their mating a while ago. From what I understand, you are the nearest Emmett has to a mate. Problem is, you're not really his mate, seeing as you've never ... Well, you're not yet his mate. And you don't have any venom. So this solution isn't an option. The best we can do is wait. Wait, and hope."

**[End Flashback]**

Since that moment, I was either kneeling, sitting cross-legged or lying besides Emmett. For two full weeks. I didn't get bored. Bored wasn't a possibility.

First I had issues to work through. Love, guilt, blame. After that I simply stroked Emmett's hair lovingly all day long, willing him to wake up. I gathered from Edward that Emmett's favourite book was _1984_, by George Orwell.

I found it amongst Emmett's immense bookshelf. I never pictured him for a reader. There we were, I didn't know him. I didn't know one bit. I knew a fraction of his story, and the little I knew was partly from the two dreams I had, like I had been spying on him.

That was not an easy thing to get over. What if he never came back ? What if he never came back and I didn't know him ! What if he never came back and I only knew his name and the story of his break-up with two bitches ?

And that wasn't the only thing. He thought I had a very low opinion of him. That's how he died. He died thinking the person he loved hated him. That was the most difficult.

I said I got over all the feelings after two weeks. Well I lied. I still felt guilty; horribly so. How could I not ? Happiness. Even that I wasn't able to give Emmett. I had failed him in every possible way. Not love, not happiness, not safety, no nothing.

I was a fucking mistake of life and Emmett was stuck with me, with a moron that wasn't even able to let his Imprint die honourably.

No – not dead. Don't think like that. Em isn't dead. He's going to be well again. He has to. I did not give up on everything and everyone just to have him slip away between my fingers.

The garage was closed, I couldn't take care of it anymore. The patrols of the pack were cancelled now that Victoria was dead.

Dad understood that I needed to be with Emmett, so he had grudgingly accepted that I stayed at the Cullens' for a while.

The Cullens; they were very nice to me. I tried not to infect the whole house with my foul mood, nor to seem ungrateful. I was polite, thanked Esme every time she brought me food, every time Alice came in with new clothes she found for me. It's like they were directing their care on me to forget about Emmett.

Edward helped. He helped me get through the worst, answering questions, helping me sort out my head.

Jasper employed himself to calm us every time one of us was about to go through the roof, or when I was too sad to cope, when the pain was too strong, he'd calm me down.

Edward told me they were all hell-bent on waiting for Emmett to wake up. They would wait decades if they needed to, and I would to. It's not like I had a choice or anything anyway. But more importantly, I wanted to be there.

Somewhere deep inside, I was hoping he could feel I was there for him. I started reading books allowed for both of us. _1984_ was the first one of a few. I wanted to be there if he woke up. _When_, not if. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes to be me.

But after two weeks, he hadn't so much as twitched.

I was expecting Rosalie to have a problem with me. Actually I was expecting to have a problem with her. Turned out I was wrong.

**[Flashback]**

I was sitting on the bed, as per usual next to Emmett. Two days since he came back to me broken.

The door opened. I looked over wearily. I saw Rosalie. I was too dumb-struck to react. What the fuck was she doing here ?!

"Look, Jacob, I'm here to talk in peace if you'll let me."

I opened wide eyes, suspicion bubbling up in me. What was she up to ? I nodded.

"I don't know what you think about me. So I'm going to say this. I'm happy Emmett has you. I'm happy he's in love, that's all I want for him. He deserves it. He might be a bit over-protective and possessive, but that's not his fault. I also wanted to say I'm not here to get between the two of you, I don't have those feelings for Emmett anymore, and I wish you two to be happy when he wakes up." We connected. She was just like me. When, not if.

She made to leave, but the question that was burning my tongue slipped out "What happened between you and Em' ?"

She sighed a bit theatrically and sat down on the couch, graceful as ever. "I'm not proud. I had been feeling at odds with Emmett for the last year. It's like I told Bella, if I could have chosen, I wouldn't have agreed to turn vampire. I want a future, and as much as Emmett makes me happy, he can't give me that. We were doomed to be teens forever, going from school to school to make Carlisle happy. It was driving me up the wall. But Emmett was unwilling to do anything about it. Said he was happy with his life."

She pursed her lips "Then you came around. To make it short I used you to make an easy escape. I wanted out, I was hoping you two would connect, and I was afraid you'd take my place. So I figured I might as well leave before I got hurt. It's selfish and Emmett deserved the truth, but I was mad too. He escaped with you to London like he was having an affair."

She shook her head slowly. "So I decided to make a clean cut. I didn't want Emmett to run after me, I didn't want him to think there would be hope of patching things up. I thought it'd be better for him in the long run if he didn't hold on to me. So I pretended to throw a trump when he got all protective like he can do, I kissed a random guy to prove my point and left."

She rolled her eyes "I was stupid, and I'll never be able to live up to it, but I still think it was best for him. I doubt he'd have fallen for you if I had let him on."

I snorted "Couldn't you just end it instead of going to grope a random guy ? From what I know it's exactly what his first girlfriend did. You know, the one he tried killing himself over ?"

She gaped "I – I, I didn't know ! Oh my God he must've freaked out ... But in my defence, you don't know him that well, Jacob. He would have run after me and tried to persuade me to come back, he would've courted and wooed me like there's no tomorrow. Maybe I didn't go about it the right way, but I couldn't 'only' end it, Em' wouldn't have accepted that."

I sighed "OK ... Well, he got over you and all, so I guess it's all for the best."

She smiled tightly "I hope you can find it in you to forgive me some day. I know I'm not the nicest person, but I really care about Emmett. He's been there for me. Whoever he chooses will have my approval as long as Em' doesn't get hurt."

She turned to leave. Just as she was about to disappear, she turned to me and smiled ominously "Oh, and if you ever hurt him, I will castrate you."

**[End Flashback]**

Well, I didn't exactly know what right she had to threaten me, seeing what she herself did to Emmett. But the sentiment was kind of welcome. It was like Emmett was here with us, I liked talking about him like he was about to appear in the doorway and I could go hug him tight.

But he wasn't.

I sighed.

I picked up the book I had been reading for Emmett, _Age of Revolution_, a book about the 18th century in Europe. I really only was interested in the chapter about France. I wanted to know more about Emmett's country of origin. I couldn't lean more about him, so I learnt about his country.

I didn't even know if Emmett was born in France or if he meant his ancestors came from there.

I knew nothing.

I put down the book. I couldn't do this ...

My phone rang. I slowly picked myself up and reached for the mobile on the nightstand.

"Hello ?"

"_Hey, it's Paul."_

I rolled my eyes. What did that jerk want with me ? "Yes ?"

"_I heard from Sam that your leech was back. So I just wanted to tell you that you'll be mine. You know, in case you forgot. I mean, how fun can it be to look at a dead piece of trash all day long ?"_

I didn't even have the energy to start getting angry. The guy was just too stupid... "That's great, Paul. But you know, I love him and I'll take care of him for the next ten years if I need to, so I suggest you get over yourself."

"_Ten years ? You'd rather spend ten years watching him gather dust rather than come to my warm arms and have an actual living warm person take care of _you _?"_

"I imprinted, moron."

"_Your 'imprint' is lying on that __bed__ of his, and going to be for the next millennia. He's dead. The imprint goes away when your imprint dies. Besides, you're a guy, you have _needs_, and he isn't exactly active in that department. He can't give you anything and I can give you everything you want. Just come over. Please."_

I took a deep breath "Look, I don't even know why I'm arguing you. Because you're member of the pack I guess. Listen, I don't return your feelings and _I never will_, so do yourself a favour, forget about me and find yourself another nice guy to cuddle with, alright ?"

"_You're mine, Jake, and I'm going to own you."_

"I'm hanging up now. Ba-bye !" I hung up and threw the phone on the bed. Fuck some people needed to know how to take a hint !

But Paul had been right about one thing. I had blue balls and it wasn't getting any better. Lying in only my boxers against my Emmett every night didn't exactly help.

At first I had been too sad and full of swirling emotions to care. But gradually I remembered how good it had felt to jerk off fantasizing about Emmett. And me. Together.

I refused to stay even near Emmett with those thoughts though. That would feel ... degrading. Like I was taking advantage of his state. I couldn't do that. Besides, I didn't want anyone seeing me jerk off while kissing or groping a statue ... Or whatever you want to call my broken Emmett.

So each time I got hard thinking about us together, I'd lock myself up in the en-suite bathroom. Good thing the walls were sound-proofed !

Each time I imagined Emmett's perfect chest, each time I imagined myself fervently kissing his body, starting by those lips of his, slowly moving down to his neck, his collarbone, his pecs, his nipples, his abs, his happy trail, and his ...

Fuck I was hard.

I locked myself up in the bedroom.

* * *

A/N : Next chapter early next week !


	19. The Hour of the Living Dead

"_[Jacob] Stop drilling ! You have struck oil !"  
_

-Sony, _The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and Beautiful_

A/N: Credit to Hank's Lady for the poisonous blood idea. Thanks to Elfprincess for her precious help !

**Warning : Coming even more soon ...**

* * *

Chapter XIX : **THE HOUR OF THE LIVING DEAD  
**

* * *

Four weeks. Four weeks since Rosalie came by with my Emmett. Little by little, I was losing hope. Little by little, I was starting to despair.

Every day I went to speak to Carlisle, and every day he answered exactly the same thing. "_There is no change, and there probably won't be for a while. We have to wait, that's all we can do. Wait and hope."_

By now I had a very definite routine. I would wake up every day early on the morning. I would take a shower, then get dressed. Go down for some quick breakfast, go back up to read a book. Go down for a quick lunch, go back up to read a book. Go back down for a quick dinner, go back up to sleep. Simple.

Every three days I would gently wash Emmett as best I could.

Every four days dad and a few members of the pack would come to reassure themselves and me.

That was it. That's what happened for four full weeks. But now I was starting to wonder. For all my words, what if he never woke up ? What if I'm still here in two years ? Could I really do this for two years ? And even two years seemed long now that days stretched painfully slowly ... How about six month ? Could I do nothing for six month, except wait for my Emmett to come back to me ?

And on the other hand I hated myself, I hated myself for doubting. I should not doubt that I was going to stay with Emmett. No, no, I would stay with him indefinitely. Right ?

Yes of course. No questions asked.

But what were all those questions I just asked in that case ?

Oh my god this was fucked up!

Well, that's the debate I fought with every single day of late.

My mind was swirling, I remembered what Paul said. His words only served to encourage the doubt in me. Despair was feeding on my doubts.

All in all, I was starting to lose it.

Edward came in to try to bring me back to saneness from time to time, but he pushed me less away from the edge each time he talked.

I could feel it in my bones.

This wasn't just me. This was the Imprint too. I might have Emmett here with me, but after a while it wasn't enough any more.

I started to hug myself, to rock slowly where I was kneeling. This wasn't cutting it. I needed him. I needed him alive. Alive and MOVING !

I caught myself stroking his hair lovingly more and more. No, not lovingly. Desperately. I let my hands roam over his muscular chest, over his delicate lips, over his strong jaw.

I also found I was fascinated by his injury. It looked so small and yet so large. It was beautiful and yet a stain on my statue's perfection. It resembled shards of glass. A dangerous beauty.

That day I was tired of reading. My throat was parched from reading out loud 1984 a dozen times. I first stopped at the part where the hero gets betrayed by the lovely woman. Dangerous beauty.

And then his worst fears were used against him to make him believe. Or rather to make him forget. Or was it really about forgetting ? Indoctrination ... Now that was an interesting question.

For those who are wondering, yes, lately I started to wonder about profound, stupid but intelligent metaphysical questions, short of any other occupation.

Any ways, I was saying, Winston pays the price of indulgence and lack of caution. They scare him to death using rats. And it ends on Winston believing in that supposed Big Brother whom no one has ever seen.

The point being, they use his fear to make him believe. But my fear makes me lose my belief, my faith. I had had unyielding faith that Emmett would come back to me, but my fears were making me doubt.

Then again, there's another way to see it. Winston believes that someday freedom will come back to his State. And they use rats to make his belief waver.

Well, all it took was a missing piece of flesh and a few shards of glass to make my belief waver.

For the first time, I prudently rubbed my thumb over the shards. The feeling was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was flesh, but it looked like glass... Puzzling.

It wasn't warm, there was no blood, but it still felt like a human wound, like I was stroking flesh.

OUCH !

I pricked myself. Ok, so maybe it isn't flesh _per say_. Some kind of ... what ? No idea.

A few drops of blood dripped on to the wound. I watched entranced as the blood looked like it was absorbed by the flesh. Or whatever you want to call it.

Well, you might know everything there is to know about vampires and still find out stuff, Carlisle used to say. Guess if you don't know the first thing about vampires you're in for a few surprises ...

I sighed and decided it was time to have dinner. Esme and Edward were in the kitchen. She was cooking whatever was on the menu and he was entertaining a discussion with his 'mother'.

I offered my help as every time and it was politely turned down just like every single time. After a few minutes Esme looked up from her cooking.

She had a proud smirk "Moussaka tonight, Jacob. I hope you like it, I did exactly like in the recipe !"

Moussa-what ? Oh well, Esme was using me for cooking experiments. I didn't mind at all. At the start that was. Soon the food was ash in my mouth, just like when I hadn't seen Emmett for too long, but I didn't have the heart to tell her. She was so happy to cook, and proud every time she tried something new.

When her cooking actually tasted it almost always tasted wonderful. Well, there were a few mistakes. I remembered the time when she had salted the chocolate cake –if you can't taste, it's kind of hard to tell ... Phew, that wasn't a pleasant experience !

There was also the time she had made some weird salad. She had been worried about not having enough garlic – seeing as it smells horrible even in minute quantities for her, she decided to load garlic on by the tons. Well, I think my breath will never really be the same.

I never turned down her meals. I knew a good meal was not to be turned down. With dad it's always pasta, pizza, beef, stuff like that. I wasn't going to say 'no', whatever the reason. Besides, they were kind enough to let me stay here 24/7 when they really didn't have to, so –

"Of course we have to, Jacob. Why wouldn't we let you stay here ? You're part of the family, remember ? Emmett told you that, right ?" Edward said, a bit too pertinently.

I nodded weakly. No reference to him ... Please ...

He nodded. Esme smiled brightly, erasing the incident, probably not sure of exactly what happened.

"So, Jacob, you'll have to tell me how THIS tastes like ! Moussaka. It's like a lasagne, but using aubergine instead of pasta."

"Auber-what ?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Oh, uh, I think you Americans call it ... Eggplant ?"

I nodded, impressed. This was going to be ... interesting ... Or not. Not like I ever felt hungry or anything anymore. I needed to eat to be there for Emmett, but that was more or less the extent of the thing.

I took a careful mouthful. Tasted like ash. Good enough.

Esme was jumping up and down excitedly "So how does it taste ?"

Edward chuckled "Esme, he isn't exactly in the mood for food tasting ..." He trailed off suggestively.

Esme looked like the light-bulb was turning on "Yes, of course" she declared, and added "I hope you like it anyway !" before leaving, still bouncing with delight.

I chuckled to myself. I was lucky to have people like them around me. Even if I didn't deserve them.

Edward shook his head. "I really wish you didn't think stuff like that."

I should get myself one of those "Keep out" signs for my brain. Or better, one of those "Dangerous dog".

Edward laughed earnestly this time. I grinned at his mirth.

It was always like that, contact with someone would make me come back to reality, until I went back to Emmett. But I was remembered that there was hope, that life wasn't that bad, that it could be worse. Emmett could be dead. Like, for real.

Edward nodded. "Much better."

I rolled my eyes. Wonder if they sold mental signs on Amazon ... Probably not.

I finished eating the delicious-looking ash, cleaned everything up and went up to sleep.

I stripped down to my boxers and snuggled under the quilt next to Emmett, who, as always, was in his boxers under the duvet. As was my evening-tradition, I snuggled close to him and imagined he was alive, and hugging me, telling me he loved me, talking to me.

But he wasn't.

My eyes fell on the wound one last time.

I squinted. Was it just me or was the wound smaller ? Bleh, I was tired, the light and my desperate mind was playing tricks on me !

I fell prey to the usual disturbing dreams.

* * *

I woke up, and like every single morning, I woke up tired and feeling dizzy. I opened my eyes and laid there, waiting for my body to slip from its comatose state.

When I felt like my brain had finally turned itself on, I sat up slowly. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and went about my usual routines. Shower. Clothes. Breakfast. Back in the room.

A nagging feeling from the night before came to interrupt the monotony after that, though. I took a closer look at Emmett's wound. I picked up a desk lamp and pointed it straight at the wound, like Carlisle would do when he came to inspect the damage.

Sure enough, it was different. I couldn't tell how exactly, but what I could tell was that it wasn't the same. I had stared enough at it to know _that_.

Frowning, I left the room in search of Carlisle. He greeted me wearily from where he was sitting in his study. I could understand his irritation, I came in every single day to beg him to take another look, except today it was different.

"Jacob, I doubt anything has change since yesterday, there's no need to inspect it every day."

I knew my face contorted in a pleading expression. Being half-wolf, I was certainly gifted in the puppy-eye domain... "But there's something different today. The wound changed, it doesn't look the same."

He froze for a second. Then he strode towards a side-desk, where he picked up a couple of papers and stormed out. I ran after him. This was good. This was hope. Emmett was getting better. He had to !

I ran passed a confused Rosalie and a suspicious Alice. Carlisle had already blurred to the bedroom, not wanting to wait for me.

I erupted in the bedroom. Carlisle was watching the wound closely, and trying to compare it to an enlarged picture he had taken. He was muttering to himself. I stayed out of his way. He measured, prodded, and used a few instruments I had never seen.

After a few minutes he looked up. "You're right, there's something different. The wound is smaller, but it's a surprise you noticed it. The volume has been reduced by half a cubic centimetre..." He lost himself in his thoughts.

After a while I couldn't keep me to myself anymore "What does it mean ?"

His eyes re-focused on me "Did anything out of the ordinary happen yesterday ?"

I frowned. Did anything ... ? "No, not what I can remember anyway ! Carlisle, what does this mean ?"

His turn to frown "Well, I doubt this is the natural process of healing, the changes would only be noticeable in weeks or month, not after a night. Besides I really doubt he could have healed this much in four weeks. No, something must have happened, even if you don't know about it or can't remember it, or just don't think it's important mentioning..."

He stood back up, looking disappointed "Well, if you can remember anything come to me immediately. If I'm right, and I generally am, whatever happened yesterday could be used to heal Emmett in a few days ..."

I nodded absent-mindedly and he left. What could have happened .. ?

I started biting my bottom lip worriedly. I needed to remember. I never had been good at remembering. What if I didn't remember ? What if I wasted the only chance I had at healing Emmett because of my terrible memory ?

No, no, no ! I was going to remember. No question or doubt.

I crawled over Emmett like I wanted to pin him to bed.

I looked at his closed eyes. Needed to remember. Remember. Remember.

I bit my lips harder.

Remember. Remember. COME ON !

What happened ? Breakfast ... Book, Lunch, Book, Dinner, Bed. Nothing out of the ordinary.

FUCK !

I bit my lip harder in anger. Needed to remember !

I yelped as I bit so hard my lip started bleeding. Fuck. Just what I needed ! A few drops of blood dripped on Emmett's chin. I crawled back from where I cam from. A drop fell in Emmett's wound.

I cupped my hands under my lip to stop any more blood from staining anything. I went to pour some water on my lip, patiently waiting for the bleeding to stop.

When that was done I picked up a cloth, dabbed it in warm water and went to clean up the mess I made. I deftly washed the blood stains away from Emmett. I made to clean the wound, but there was no trace of blood. I could've sworn I had dripped on there.

WAIT ! Yesterday ! I pricked myself and a few drops of blood penetrated the wound ! Could it be that ... ?

I threw myself out of bed and ran at full speed to Carlisle's office. I knocked into Jasper in the process but didn't stop. I barged in again.

"CARLISLE !"

He looked up in surprise "No need to yell, Jacob, I can hear you fine." He was being grumpy since Emmett came home broken. Well, I guess dad wouldn't be too happy if I came home in a coma and stayed like that for a whole month ...

"I remember ! I pricked myself on his wound, and a few drops of blood dripped on the wound. And then they disappeared, like they were absorbed !"

He opened wide eyes. Then all of a sudden he was gone. I hated when he did that ...

I strode back to the room. Carlisle was there with a whole lot of instruments. He looked up when I arrived. "That's probably what did it. I'm not sure exactly why, but it may be something about what I told you."

I frowned. What he told me ?

"About the venom of the mate." I opened round eyes. Oh, that !

"The translation from old Latin isn't obvious. All the solid information we have other than legends and experience comes from there. Now, the word "mate" might have been mistranslated..."

He squinted his eyes "They might have meant 'soulmate', or maybe even both ... And there's no mention of venom, only 'vital liquid'. Because the venom is the only liquid we vampires can produce, I just naturally assumed... And besides, it doesn't work miracles, but it still works, so I had no reason to doubt it. But -"

I cut his monologue "How much blood do you need ?"

He looked pensive "I have no idea. Look, Jacob, I can't ask you to give your blood, besides, if your pack ever learnt that you gave your blood, they're going to-"

"Look, Carlisle, I'm grateful you're being considerate an'all, but honestly we're just wasting time. If you don't help me I'm going to cut myself open and do the whole thing myself."

He smiled "Yes, well, I had to say it. Right, come over here !"

I strode over to him and sat down on the bed.

"Ok, I can either use sterilised needles to draw the blood, or I can insert a tube and drain enough blood. What would you prefer ?"

Oh, said like that, maybe he could first put me to sleep ? No, I had to be there for Emmett. "Tube." At least only ONE thing was going inside me. And I didn't particularly like needles.

Carlisle nodded, took my arm, disinfected the area where he would ... Well, the needed area.

"Jacob, I want you to relax your arm." Easier said than done ! I closed my eyes tightly shut and let my muscles go limp one by one. Fuck. Here comes. HATE this ! For Emmett. For Emmett !

"Relax, Jacob, it's not going to hurt." Yeah, RIGHT ! Nice one old man, but you won't fool m-

"What's that ?" I opened my eyes in confusion. Carlisle was pointing out the window. I looked. And he stabbed my arm. Devious doctor ! I kept my eyes away. No need to make myself sick ... I heard the blood drip. Ok, maybe I was going to get sick anyway ...

I took a deep breath. Uh, oh, bad move, Jake. Now I've got the nostrils full of blood smell. Aw not cool ! Why can't it be like in those books where you can kiss the girl and everything is alright ?

"Ok, done !" Phew ! I watched while he plastered my arm (which was probably not necessary seeing as it'd be gone in a few minutes ...) But I didn't say a word. No one cares. Actually, only Emmett is important here and now.

The result was that Carlisle had a bowl with fresh blood and I was feeling a bit dizzy. He took one of those kitchen brushes and started smearing blood all over Emmett's wound. I watched, feeling myself getting sick. This was wrong. This was ... disgusting. But what the hell, if it saved Emmett then I couldn't complain ! The blood took longer to sink in.

"Carlisle, wouldn't it be faster to make him drink it instead ?"

"No, no. Your blood is poison to us. Don't ever let him drink your blood or it'll probably kill him." He didn't even look up, he was surveying the process closely.

I turned my head to the sickening procedure too. The blood was thinning considerably. After a minute or two it was entirely gone.

Carlisle repeated the operation a few times, until the bowl was empty.

"Right, now we wait. I'm going to do some more research, call me if there is any change !" He said before blurring out will all his equipment.

I went to open the window and get rid of the God-awful smell that permeated the room, before sitting next to Emmett, watching the wound intensively.

I must've waited at least four hours. The wound was slowly resealing itself. It was entrancing to watch. The flesh was knitting itself back together. My stomach growled a few times but I couldn't care less. I didn't even _feel_ hungry anyway.

I couldn't wait any longer. I pinned Emmett to the bed like last time and pressed my body tightly against his. I knew how much he like my heat. Anything to bring him back.

Just come back to me Emmett, please !

My head was resting against his silent heart but I was watching his face for any sign of life.

I waited another few hours.

His eyes fluttered open.

* * *

A/N : Next chapter end of next week !


	20. The Awakening

_"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!_

_For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."_

_- Romeo and Juliet_, Act I scene 5

A/N : Thanks to elf ! Please read her stuff, and Hank's Lady's, both are formidable writers with very different styles ! And don't forget Ant1gon3 who's come back from the dead !

**No Warnings  
**

* * *

Chapter XX : **THE AWAKENING**

* * *

Emmett's eyes fluttered open. They were pitch black. I recoiled in fear. Blood. He would need blood. Of course he would, how could I not have thought about it ? 4 weeks without ! I should've thought about that !

I wasn't sure I could trust him in whatever state he was in, but I still went to kneel beside him. My Emmett is awake !

"Emmett ? Emmett, it's Jake !" I whispered.

His eyes were unmoving, as was the rest of his body. This wasn't normal. Blood, I needed to get him something to feed ! For the first time, I really feared for my life. I was the only thing he could feed himself from in the proximity !

I ran out of the room and yelled "CARLISLE !"

I barged into his study, to find him rummaging in what looked like one of those hotel mini-bars. He didn't spare me one look, only said "Follow me." Before blurring out. God this was getting irritating !

I ran back to Emmett's room. Carlisle was in the process of emptying bags of blood into Emmett's open mouth, massaging his throat to make him swallow. I had to look away, that was just gross !

Carlisle mouthed a 'good luck' before disappearing again with the empty blood bags after a few minutes. I opened the window again, the metallic smell was sickening ...

I returned to kneel by Emmett. He still didn't move. His dark eyes though were changing. The colour was slowly diffusing, very slowly. They went through shades of dark grey, light grey, before yellow slowly appeared, going from dirty yellow, to simple yellow, bright yellow, before turning their usual molten gold.

This simple transformation was enough to melt my heart. It was like Emmett was slowly coming back to me, I knew it !

Nonetheless, he didn't move one iota. I had to stop myself from gripping his shoulders and shaking him until he hugged me ...

I waited, scrutinizing my Imprint, hoping for any indication that he was better. The wound was long gone. It was indescribably good not to have that large chunk of his throat missing ... He looked like new. Even his skin was back to normal !

I hadn't noticed the change at first, probably because it was too gradual. But after three weeks or so, his skin had gone translucent, which, to be honest, looked really sickly on him.

I chuckled and turned to look out of the window. A sick vampire ! Good one, Jake, good one !

I sighed. If only he'd just wake up ! Please don't make me wait another four weeks after getting my hopes up like that !

A ray of light penetrated the clouds and hit Emmett's chest – he was still in his boxers, his lower part covered by a quilt. I smiled fondly as he started to shine, and stroked his curly dark hair, humming low. This could be perfect. I could be here like this with Emmett, him awake obviously, stroking him just like this while he tells me some tail about his past. We would end up laughing, before kissing and making out.

Emmett's eyes focused on me. "I know your face." He mouthed, raspy.

I refrained from jumping on him, he still hadn't moved and looked stiff. I sat myself behind him, resting on the massive headboard, raising his chest by the shoulders and propping him on me. I continued to stroke his hair.

He coughed a bit before saying in a less burly voice "I thought vampires weren't going to paradise ... No soul an' all ..."

I chuckled, restraining myself from flooding Emmett with questions, allegations, tears and hugs until he was ready. For now I contented myself with waiting, like I had been doing for the past month.

"I thought you were supposed to feel good in paradise. I don't feel so good ..." I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you don't feel so good, you more or less resurrected from the dead."

"Jacob, I didn't _resurrect_ I'm up in heaven, just like my mom always said I would go."

I frowned "What ? What are you talking about ?"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm only sorry I left Jacob behind down there. I hope he'll be able to be happy after what I did..."

"Why do you talk about me in third person ?" I asked, getting more and more confused.

"I'm talking about the you that was left on earth, not the you, _you_ !"

"Ok, maybe you hit your head ..." I suggested, trying to find an explanation to his rambling "I should go get Carlisle."

"Oh ? Carlisle is here in heaven too ?" He asked, sounding politely interested.

What I had taken for a stupid joke was maybe not a stupid joke. "Emmett, you're NOT in heaven, you're alive and well ..." I clarified just in case he wasn't stringing me along.

He chuckled and coughed dryly "How can I not be ? That red-head handed my arse to me. Besides, you're here with me, that's paradise alone."

I felt tears come to eyes but I fought them, I didn't want to be a crying sissy now, that would come later. For now I had to clear this up "Emmett, listen, that Victoria bit your throat and took a lump out, you've been kind of ... _passed out_ for a while, and you just woke up. You have to believe me, you're NOT in heaven. If you continue to say that I'm going to leave very pissed." Ok, I would never. Call it a bluff, I could only hope he wouldn't call me on it.

He frowned "But ... I was sure I was dead ! She bit me, and I figured she'd burn my body down ..."

I sighed "Well, Emmett, bad news, you're still alive and not in paradise."

He grinned goofily "That means you're for real ?"

I chuckled at his boyish expression "Well, yeah, why ? Shouldn't I be ?"

"I just figured it was too good to be true to wake up with you watching over me like that !"

I felt all those questions come back from the back of my mind. I pushed them back again. Emmett had yet to move anything else than those perfect lips and eyebrows of his...

"Can you move ?"

"Uh ... Maybe, I haven't tried." He said, frowning. He raised an arm and closed his fist in wonder. He chuckled "Yes, I guess I can."

Again my eyes were wet with tears. I discreetly brushed them with my arm while Emmett was entranced with his other arm, where he was having fun clenching and unclenching his triceps, making his large muscles ripple.

"Ok, we get it, you're muscular, mind moving on with the fifty-cent tour ?" I asked.

"Yeah, sorry." He mouthed before proceeding to lift one leg, another, curling his toes, bringing his legs up to his chest. Once that was done it was like he realized he could really _move_ and he started to shake his shoulders, stretch his legs and arms. I watched in wonder, enjoying the privacy and intimacy we would probably not have for very long.

"My neck is feeling weird, I can't turn my head much ..."

"Probably because it's still healing." I suggested.

"Yeah. And my throat hurts like hell, but that's probably because I need a drink ..." He said suggestively.

"Carlisle got you something, but maybe it wasn't enough ?"

"Don't think so, but I can wait." He stated, before sitting up. He looked funny, not being able to turn his head, but I refrained from teasing him. After all, he got that saving my arse, I couldn't exactly seem ungrateful.

He turned to face me and looked uncertain "I – uh ... I would love to ... Hum ... give you a hug right now ..." He trailed off, looking both hopeful but unsure.

I exhaled deeply and unsuccessfully tried not to jump in his half-open arms. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, being cautious not to cause unnecessary pain.

I whispered in a broken voice "Emmett ..." And let those tears fall free, sobbing.

He made an effort to rest his head against mine "I love you, Jacob. I'm sorry I had to tell you in a letter."

My heart jumped at those three small words. I chuckled pitifully amongst my powerful sobs, my vision dimmed by my wet eyes "So you're not changing your mind ?"

"Absolutely not." He stated simply.

We stayed there, enjoying each other's presence in utter simplicity.

After a little while, my tears dried up and my sobs stopped. I managed to get those words I had wanted to say since he had come back to me in pieces, "Don't ever leave me again, Emmett. Please." I didn't care if the last word was begged.

"I'm staying right here cuffed to you until you decide you don't want me here."

I pulled off gently and chuckled, feeling my spirits rise at Emmett's usual light attitude "That's an idea !"

He shook his head "Look at that, getting kinky before we even kissed properly."

I smiled "Maybe we should fix that ..."

He frowned "I don't want you to freak out, but this is going to take some getting used to for me."

"What ?"

"I've been with a single person for seventy years, a girl at that ... So please don't blame me if I need to take it slow ..." He looked embarrassed.

I smiled reassuringly "Hopefully we have all eternity to get you warmed up to me."

He smiled too "Good thing you're extra warm, that way it'll go quicker."

He cupped my head with one hand gently, and with a determined look, gently brushed his lips against mine. The electric feeling that shook me was indescribable, but I did feel a little disappointed when he immediately pulled back, looking happy with himself.

Ok, I felt very disappointed. One, I had planned to get some tongue action, two, I hadn't planned on having to tell him this was far from enough, and three, I hadn't planned on staying a virgin 'till I was sixty ... Ah, those crazy things you do for love... Or maybe it's just the imprint. Probably both !

As much as I wanted to keep Emmett for myself, I thought I'd get him out before we were interrupted. "Em', don't you think your family would like to get a word to you ?" I asked cautiously.

He smiled "Yeah, I guess !"

He sat up, and jumped to the side of the bed, where he let his legs hang. He stood up unsteadily, took a hesitant step forward, and stumbled to the ground.

"Ouch." He said.

I chuckled, went by his side and helped him to stand up, putting one of his arms around my shoulders.

"I hate being an invalid. First time ever." He muttered, pouting.

"Oh, come on, from what Ed' said, you defeated almost the whole army single-handedly, don't be surprised it comes with a price !"

Emmett seemed genuinely surprised "Oh ? I thought that bitch got me too early ... You'll have to tell me all about that !"

I nodded "Yeah, we have a lot to talk about..." I trailed off. Yeah, there would be less savoury days to come. But that would be for another day !

I helped Emmett to stagger forward, out of the room and down to the living room, where the whole family was – apparently – waiting for us to come.

Carlisle frowned when he saw me carry Emmett down, "You alright, son ?"

"Weak." Emmett pouted again. I had to fight back a chuckle – he was probably not used to being taken care of !

Edward smiled as he caught on my thought. They all took their turn giving a brief hug to Emmett – a manly clap on the back for Jasper and Carlisle, a more loving one for Edward, and a tight hug from both Alice and Esme.

That's when Rosalie wandered in the living room. The tension immediately went up a notch. No one was sure how Emmett would react, nor what Rosalie would do. I stayed protectively slightly in front of my Imprint. I knew what reaction she'd got of him last time, and I wasn't going to allow a repeat of that ! Not that I could exactly prevent it now ...

Emmett looked confused, and Rosalie looked cautious. Everyone was waiting, but for what, we didn't know.

After a very, very tense minute – the atmosphere had reached the thickness of jelly by then – Emmett frowned and muttered "I remember – you, you came ..."

Rosalie squinted before offering a shy smile "Yes..." Her smile faltered and she added "Emmett, I –"

He cut her off "No, please, not now", raising a hand to her. She nodded, a flash of understanding crossing her face.

Jasper took a step forward, cutting through the jelly "Well, we had planned on going for a hunt, I think you'd need it, Emmett."

I almost scoffed "He can barely stand ..."

Emmett had a glint in his eye I didn't like. He smiled mischievously and took his arm back. I had to prevent myself from rolling my eyes. Idiot, he was going to fall. Again.

Edward laughed "You fell ?"

Emmett glared "No, it was calculated."

My turn to laugh "Oh yeah, Emmett the mastermind !"

He disappeared. I felt someone tap my shoulder. This time I rolled my eyes. "Please don't say you staged the fall."

He chuckled "Well, no, but I wasn't weak, just cramped." I turned around, and sure enough, there he was, grinning goofily.

"Wow, standing on your own two feet !" I teased.

He stuck his tongue out very childishly, and I refrained from retorting. I would prefer to stay in Carlisle's good graces ... If possible ...

Edward huffed "Anyway, I'm going." He said, before disappearing. The rest of the family disappeared too, leaving only Emmett.

"You don't mind if I go ? I'll be back in a few hours..."

I sighed, not wanting him to leave... "I need to get back home, I haven't been there for over a month now ..."

He opened large eyes "What ?"

Duh ! "Well, yeah ... My imprint was on his death bed, I couldn't exactly leave you for a single second !"

He frowned "Oh, so I've been away a whole month ... Ok ... And you stayed with me the whole time ... I don't know what to say." He finished lamely.

"You don't need to say anything, go hunt and we'll talk when we have some time."

He nodded, turned around, took a deep breath and disappeared. A single drop of blood was left where he had been standing.

Edward had said _"Vampires can cry. We can weep tears of blood" _

Well, either he was touched, or he was hurt. I figured it was the former... I smiled, I loved making Emmett feel good ! That would be my life's work, my eternal goal. Make Emmett happy. Not that it wasn't already the plan – well, it wasn't – no wait, it was.

ANYWAY ! Now I knew how good it felt. And I was determined to continue !

Moving on ! I strode out to my run-down, beloved car and drove back to dad's. Home ? Yeah, I guess, home. Although the mansion felt like home ... But that was probably because Emmett was there. Or I don't know, Esme and Edward made me feel at home too ... Mmh, who knew home could have such a tricky definition ?

I parked my car in front of the log-house, and knocked on the door before entering.

"DAD ?" I waited a beat, before hearing a set of wheels.

Dad appeared at a corner and offered a bright smile "Hey ! Jake !"

I went to hug him. I had missed him ... Kinda' anyway, he had been over once or twice for a quick chat, not that I had exactly been in the right mindset for that !

"So, what's up ?" He asked.

I couldn't stop a grin from spreading on my face "Em's woken up !"

He smiled too, albeit a bit tightly, "Good, good."

We decided to share an early dinner, just the two of us. Man, that was a long time ago since it last happened !

We started munching on our pizzas – I was already missing Esme's experiments ... – and dad put on a determined face.

"Look, I know a lot has happened, but you need to do something with your life. You never know what might happen. So I took the liberty of getting you in Fork's High, that way you're with you're Imprint, with Bella, and you get your degree."

I was about to protest but he stopped me "No, no arguing, my decision is final. You tried the garage, but with everything that happens, your customers can't rely on you, at least this way I'll be able to excuse you whenever you have .. _stuff _that needs doing. You'll work hard, but that's never been a problem."

I huffed and accepted defeat. "Alright, I guess it's a good idea." There were too many truths in what dad was saying. Besides, I'd be with Emmett all day long, so I couldn't exactly complain. And although life seemed short after everything that happened, it opened my eyes to a few truths. For example, staying on the rez' as a mechanic was a waste. Not only did I NOT want to do that all my life, but I would have to follow the Cullens wherever they went now, so I might as well get started uprooting myself now.

And anyway, all the reading I had done, all the thinking I had put myself through as a result made me see that I actually like literature, and maybe I could do something in there. Besides, I didn't want to leech off the Cullens –no pun intended- so if I could get a decent job wherever they went, that would be a first victory. Part-time teacher or something like that sounded good. Working with teenagers ? Um, maybe not ... Well, anyway, that question would be for another day !

We finished eating in silence, me brooding at the prospect of returning to school, dad no doubt savouring his victory. I quickly washed the dishes, and I was just about done when there was a knock on the door. Dad went to open.

I heard a few people talk, and then "JAKE ! Come out !" Dad called. I dried my hands and made my way to the entrance. The whole pack was there. Obviously. How I could I forget ? ...

Dad went back to the living room, and I exited the house, closing the door behind me.

They all clapped my back and Sam said "We hear your Imprint's back !"

I raised my eyebrows "Word gets by fast..."

Sam smirked "Naw, we just figured seeing as you were here !"

I rolled my eyes "You're not as thick as you look !" Sam punched my arm.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say one thing really. I know your dad said Emmett can't come on our land, because the council said so, but frankly it's not up to them. I mean they can't exactly do anything if I don't obey..." He smiled cheekily "So, seeing as your Imprint probably saved our skins too, I've decided that he's allowed here, and that he can come and go as much as he wants as long as there's no problem."

My face lit up like a Christmas tree "Seriously ?"

"Yup ! Like I said, we didn't exactly have experience fighting newborns before, and even the few that came weren't easy to fight off. From what I understand that was less than half the number that were actually supposed to come. And even then, Leah got herself injured in the process... So in a way we owe him. Oh, and no more patrols seeing as there isn't exactly any threat. There'll be a pack meeting every second Saturday night, but that's all, and once a month there's the usual council meeting which replaces the pack meeting. Apart from that we're all free !" Everyone cheered.

I nodded "Cool !" I couldn't WAIT to wipe dad's smug expression ! And tell Emmett !

We all said our good-byes after Sam declared the first pack meeting would be Saturday in ten (which actually would be a council meeting) and they all scattered off in the woods except for Paul. Fuck. I had forgotten his sorry arse for a minute there...

Well, come and get me jerk, I was ready for a fight, no way I'd let him get to me like I had the few other times !

He smiled tightly "So you've got your Imprint back ?"

I put on a neutral expression "Yes."

"Well, at least I'll have tried ! But my offer still stands. And I can still give you more than he ever will."

I rolled my eyes. When would he get the simple discussion was utterly POINTLESS ?! I nodded wearily to acknowledge him.

After a few beats, he pressed on "So still not interested ?"

"No." He took a step forward, but I refused to take a step back.

He raised a hand to stroke my face but I swatted it away. "We about done here ?" I asked, irritated at his insistence.

He took a step back, shrugged, and declared "Don't worry, I'll make sure you're mine sooner or later."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." He smiled darkly before turning away.

This guy needed to learn to take a fucking hint ...


	21. The Phoenix

**_"The only failure, is the failure to try. And the measure of success, is how we cope with disappointment."_**

-Evelyn Greensalde, _The Best Exotic Marigold Hotea_

A/N : As usual, thanks to elfprincess8. Reminder: please read elfrpincess8, Hank's Lady and Ant1gon3 !

**Warning : Slightly bloody hunting scene.  
**

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**Chapter XXI : THE PHOENIX **

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I ran after my family as soon as I left Jacob. They were surely far away, but they'd stop regularly to track their prey, so I felt confident I was going to catch up sooner or later. Not like I had to hurry or anything. Well, Jacob would maybe be waiting, or he'd be with his dad. Either way, I had stuff to do and I was not going to hurry.

It took much longer than I expected to catch up with them. Probably due to the fact that I had to slow considerably in order not to swoon. I was really running low ... Once I caught up with them though, they had not yet fed and were tracking prey. I would have loved to go for one of those mountain bears, but alas, I wasn't exactly high on energy, so that'd be for another time.

When they missed their prey for the third time, I started getting irritated. Esme and Jasper weren't exactly talented hunters. The prey couldn't be too _cute_ or Esme would forbid us to kill it, and Jasper always charged head on like he was facing some dumb newborn ... Which is why I said "Stop."

They all looked at me surprised so I explained "I want to know what everyone thinks about everything that happened, I'd like to know what happened when I was out and there are a couple of things I'd like to say."

They all nodded, and sat down on fallen trees, scattered in an approximate circle. I took a deep breath and said what needed to be said "I love Jacob, and he loves me. So I want you to say whatever you're thinking, I would prefer if there wasn't any awkwardness or anger that festers. So just empty your chests and don't worry about what I might think."

Esme smiled and said "As long as you're happy, I am too. Besides, I already consider Jacob my son, he's a sweet boy and he suits you."

Jasper said with his drawly accent "Yeah, I'm pretty much the same, it's nice to know you've been happy for a whole month ! And I guess we'll just have to get used to the stink. But ..." He trailed off, looking uncertain.

"Yes ?" I asked.

"Well, if you could avoid making out in front of me I'd be grateful, I wasn't exactly taught that loving a man was right, so it'll take a while to get used to it."

I nodded "Don't worry, it'll take time for me too ..."

Alice was less positive about it all "I'm glad you found someone, Em', I just wish it wasn't someone who clouds my visions about you ... I never know if your lack of future means that you're dead or happy with Jake ..." I nodded again. I understood her position, she was used to seeing us all, it couldn't be easy...

Edward chuckled "Well, I'm happy since Jake imprinted on you. Now I don't have to be worried he'll kiss Bella again. Besides, now that we don't fight over her, I'm beginning to grow very fond of him"

I smirked, he would say that ! I turned to Carlisle, who had yet to voice his opinion. He looked conflicted. Uh-oh, not good... "Look, Emmett, I'm happy you found someone. I'm proud you did what you did, but I can't help but wonder why you didn't let us come with you, it would've been so much easier ! So next I hope you won't be as rash ... Besides that, I'm a bit worried. If anything goes wrong between you and Jacob, the fallouts will come on us, and depending on what happened, we'll have the pack on our backs. But I want you to be happy, so I'm just going to shut up, let you be happy, and we'll deal with whatever happens when it does happen."

"Thanks." I simply said. 'Nuff said !

I turned to Rosalie. Did I really want to do this now ... ? Well, might as well get it over with !

Edward intervened though "Maybe we should give you some privacy." He stood up and everyone save Rosalie followed him. We were left alone, looking awkwardly at each other.

"Look, Emmett, I might as well say it. I'm not sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for the way I did it, I really am, but I still think it was for the best. You're happy with Jake, I'm happy to be able to do whatever I want. I'll never be able to live up to what I did to you, and I promise I'll do whatever I can to show you I'm sorry. And I want you to know that I won't come between Jake and you, simply because I'm not interested anymore."

Damn, it still hurt to know she didn't want me. And I felt conflicted about it, but I'd have time to think about it later on. "I guess I'm happy we ended it too, in either case Jake or you would probably have been miserable, probably all three of us would have been actually. I just – look, the way you did it reminded of something I would prefer to forget, ok ? So I'm sorry if it takes a while to forget you cut that deep, but there's nothing I can do. It'll take a while to get over my broken pride too, but that's not your fault. I'd be happy if we could just be friends, I don't want to tread on eggshells at home."

Rosalie smiled "I'm glad we agree, and don't worry, I'll wait until you're ready to forgive me, after all, we have all eternity. I'm glad we can remain friends, and I want you to know that I have your back. Whatever you need, you can come to me and I'll help you out. I'm pretty good at keeping Ed' oblivious, so I hope you can trust me if you ever need."

I was happy to know that. There were things Rosalie knew about me. There were things I wouldn't have to say, she would be the perfect confident. "Actually ... No, that'd be awkward."

"Em', after everything we've done, I doubt it could get that awkward."

I rolled my eyes. Of course she was right ... That one time when she had used a – well, that had spiced up our sex lives for sure "Ok, I'm barely comfortable with kissing Jake and I feel like he wants us to jump to the last part." There, said it.

She gaped. Ok, maybe too much details ! She closed her mouth. Well, we were making progress ! She coughed. Ok, maybe not so much progress...

"Hum ... Well, why aren't you comfortable with kissing him ?"

"Well, I've been with you for like seventy years, so kissing anyone that isn't ... _you_ would be weird. But on top of that, he's a guy ..."

She pursed her lips "Why don't you talk it out with him ? If he loves you that much I'm sure he'll understand !"

I tilted my head "Yeah, that's one way of seeing it ... I'm just not sure I'm comfortable to talk about that with him just yet ..."

She sighed "Well, I guess that makes sense to. I would offer to do it if I thought it could help, but I doubt that's a brilliant idea ... I think you'll just have to bite in the lime and do it. Ask yourself this: is Jacob worth it ?"

Yes, of course he was. Maybe I wasn't but he definitely was ! I smiled "Thanks, Rose, I appreciate it."

She chuckled "Yeah well, next time you have a problem of _that_ nature, I think you'd be better off with Jake."

I joined in her chuckle "Maybe we should join the others, they're going to wonder where we disappeared !" She nodded and sprinted off without a look behind.

I sighed. Ok – I know I said I wasn't going to go for the big prey right from the start, but now I was on my own, I couldn't help but want to find myself one of those large cave bears and gore it with my bare hands. I wanted to feel alive again, I was sick of being tired and feeling sore ! I wanted to feel thriving again.

So I did something that in retrospect was incredibly stupid. I went on my own to find a bear when I was barely able to run straight. I half ran half haltered to where I usually went to find the bears. I immediately smelled one. They smelled strong, they always did ! Part of living in a cave I guess.

Anyway, I soon faced a cave bear. I chuckled when I noticed it was exactly the colour of Jake's wolf. Russet. No matter, I would rip his heart out. I couldn't help but grin widely. This is it, the rush, the excitement. I was living again ! I could feel the adrenaline course through my body.

I growled. He growled. Let's dance ! I edged towards him, slowly, very slowly. Normally I would only have to blur behind him and try to open his throat, but vampire speed was out of the question. This would have to be done the old-fashioned way. I lunged for him, but I had to dive away as he tried to swat me away with one of his huge paws.

I stood up too quickly, I winced. He growled again and I covered my ears. Ug, damn super hearing ! Good for low noises, but deafening from time to time.

Ok, maybe not such a brilliant idea to do this. Oh well, too late ! Now I was all in anyway ! I lunged for the bear again, who had stood up on his two feet to tower above me. This time I lunged low, for his back paws. He understood what I was doing too late, he tried to crouch down and swat me away again, but I got to his leg first and sent my fist flying, it connected with a sickening 'CRACK'.

He howled and brought his paw down where I was lying in front of him, mauling my back. I winced and rolled away while the wolf haltered back a few steps. I stayed on the ground. Damn ! I wasn't used to pain anymore. I couldn't even remember last time I had been in such pain !

I growled and stood up on shaky legs while the bear simply growled at me and bared his teeth, probably hoping I would just leave. I grinned savagely and waited for the main injury in my back to heal. A short minute after I couldn't feel any pain, so I started to approach him again. He bared his teeth and growled. Yeah, yeah, you're big and impressive !

I lunged for him again, grabbed the paw he sent flying for me and propelled myself right to his chest, which I savagely tore open. "YAAAA !" I yelled victoriously as the blood rained on me, and the bear staggered before falling flat to the ground.

I sent my fist crashing in the bear's chest and ripped the heart out, still hot and sucked it dry. Then I plunged my fans in the bear's carotid artery and sucked him dry.

God it felt good ! It felt more than good, it felt wonderful ! I could literally feel my tremors calming, my muscles ripening under my skin, and my senses sharpening.

I blurred home. Oh how I had missed to be able to run at full speed ! I made it to the mansion in a record time and chuckled at how good it felt. I grinned when I saw Jacob sitting on the front porch, his chin resting on his hands, elbows on knees, probably waiting for anyone to arrive.

When he saw me he grinned too. Little did I know that it was because I was half-naked and sprayed in red. He chuckled "Em', you're NOT getting anywhere near me with that much blood all over you !"

I looked down at myself. Oh. Right. "Hum, I'll take a quick shower then !" He nodded and looked like he had to contain himself from laughing. Cheeky wolf ! I blurred to my room, picked up a pair of low-waste black pants and a tight fitting whit V-shirt before blurring to the bedroom, stripping and ducking under the steaming hot water.

I made a quick work out of washing myself, wanting to spend time with Jake before he had to go wherever he would go. I binned the torn clothes, put on the new ones, added some cologne to get rid of the lingering metallic blood smell and stepped out of the steaming bathroom. Jake was waiting for me in my room, sitting cross legged on the bed, looking lost in his thoughts.

When he heard me arrive though, he grinned again, and I couldn't help but do the same. Damn it if the kid wasn't infectious ! I shut the door closed and locked it. No one was disturbing us. We had lots to do and talk about.

I hopped on the bed and sat down behind Jacob, bringing him close to my chest and kissing his bronze-coloured neck, which made him shiver.

"Em', please don't distract me, there are a couple of things I need to talk to you about."

I groaned. Here I was, hoping I'd be able to at least try to kiss him a bit more than last time, or at least do my best. But I couldn't exactly blame him ... Not like we had parted on good terms or anything. "Fine, you win."

He disentangled himself from me and manoeuvred himself so he was facing me. We both sat cross legged, holding hands, resting our wrists on our knees. I smiled "Go on, I'm listening."

"Ok, please let me finish before you say anything." I nodded and he carried on. "First, I'm sorry for what happened before you left to get rid of that red-head bitch. I realize that I didn't even try to listen to you. But you didn't exactly listen to me either when it was you dying. So I promise to not go sacrifice myself heroically for you if you promise to do the same. Neither of us wants to live without the other. So next time, we just ... do everything together. Hopefully it won't come to that, but in any case I want you to tell me that you won't pull that stunt again."

I pursed my lips. He was right, of course he was. But I didn't like the idea of NOT going to sacrifice myself for him if I could save him ... He must have noticed my lack of reaction because he added "Look, I can't described how happy I am that you think I'm worth dying for, but you're my _imprint_, I physically cannot live without you, so we'd just end up both of us dead, except I'd have either to let myself die over a long time or take my own life. I don't think you understand how important the imprint business is. I CAN'T go be happy with Paul, I'll never be happy with anyone else, I'd rather die than face an eternity without you. So no more sacrificing."

Oh. Shoot. If I'd known that I would've done things differently ... "I'm sorry, Jake, I swear I didn't know, I just thought it forced you to love me while I was there, I never knew, I never even guessed ..." I trailed off. Ok, so that's why he was pissed. Now it made sense. I die, he dies. Bright one, Emmett, next time go get yourself torn open by the Volturri to make sure Jake dies slowly and painfully.

He shook his head "It's alright, Em', it's my fault too, I should've made things clear ... But no sacrificing, alright ? It'd be a waste." He was adamant about that it seemed. For good reason too.

"Ok, I promise. You're right, it's just stupid. But you've got to promise you'll take me with you if you're faced with the same choice."

"I don't like it, but now I know how it feels, so yeah, I swear I won't go off and get myself killed to save you." He visibly relaxed and added after taking a deep breath "Ok, good. I needed that settled."

I brought a hand to stroke his warm cheek and he leaned into my touch, letting his eyelids fall "I'm sorry, Jake, I really am. Don't worry, it's not going to happen again."

I pulled away and asked "Anything else you want to say while we're in the heavy ?"

His eyes fluttered open and looked pensive for a minute before saying "Yeah, Sam says you're allowed on Quileute territory as long as you behave. No need to be chaperoned either, as a thanks for what you did."

My eyebrows shot up "As a thanks for almost getting you killed ?"

He chuckled "No, you probably saved at least one life in the pack with your actions, you probably saved a few lives from Forks too, so he's grateful and wants to show it. He said the council can go fuck itself and that since he's the one who patrols and puts his arse on the line, he gets to call the shots on that."

I smiled, that Sam guy seemed like a really nice person... I nodded in understanding "Anything else ?" Now we were talking might as well get it all out in the open.

"Uh ... " He fidgeted on the bed, and I waited.

After a moment he blushed – cute ! – and looked up "Look, I'm just going to say it. I love you Emmett."

I scooted closer to him and hugged him awkwardly over our crossed legs, before whispering "I love you too, Jake."

We stayed like that for a moment, until I decided to pull back. Time to empty my chest. Ug, this would NOT be fun. But I needed to do it. I remember what Rosalie said. Jake was worth it. He needed to know.

"Ok, my turn. First, I have no fucking clue how to explain how I feel about you staying with me while I was comatose in bed. You put your whole life on hold for me, and the worst part is that from what I understand you got lucky, I could've stayed like that a good while."

He simply smiled and said "you're my imprint, Em'." As though it explained everything. Well, I guess it kind of did... Still, I wanted to tell him what that meant. And now comes the hard part ...

"Ok, and hum ..." My turn to fidget nervously on the bed. He waited patiently, for which I was grateful. I took a deep breath and just said it "Ok, like I said, it's going to take some time before I'm completely comfortable being with ... a guy, and ... well ... not Rose. So I guess I'm saying I hope you can be a bit patient ... with me ... I swear I'll do my best ... Just don't ... rush... things." I looked at my lap. I didn't want to see his crestfallen face. He deserved much better than this unsure lover I was.

"Em' ?" I looked up nervously, he was smiling "Look, I have never been with _anyone_, so I'm not exactly going to be jumping steps either, alright ? We'll just take it at our pace and fuck everyone else."

He managed to make me smile. He kinda' always did manage to make me smile. It was like he always knew what to say ... I chuckled at how girly I was getting. I was desperately and madly in love, almost scary at how fast THAT had happened ! Reminded me of Romeo and Juliet, how they fall straight in love, or 1984 how –

I opened round eyes "You read to me."

Jake looked like he was trying not to look too pleased with himself "You remember ?"

"Yes ! You read all the time, I can remember I heard, but I wasn't able to process anything, it was like I was a simple spectator, I could hear everything, I could feel –"

I squinted "You took care of me 24/7 for a whole month, you slept with me, I remember how I loved your warmth ! And –"

I gaped. So THAT's what Jaz' was saying ! "Jasper said I'd been happy for a whole month. That's why !"

Jacob's eyes were very wet-looking, he sniffed and smiled through the sobs he was trying to hold back. I couldn't have stopped myself even if I had wanted to. I lunged for Jacob, forcing him to lie down, pinned him down and looked deep into his wet eyes.

"I got the lucky ticket that night we went to the movies with you, Bells' and Ed'." I stated simply. He looked like he didn't know what to say, so I decided to make it simple. I slowly lowered my head, and kissed him determinedly.

It wasn't a simple peck like last time. I parted my lips and let his hot tongue thrust inside my mouth, making me shiver at how incredible it felt. I snapped out of my thoughts and decided to take the lead, pushing his tongue back and thrusting mine deep in his mouth, letting my icy tongue explore every centimetre of his hot velvet mouth, making him moan, which made my tongue vibrate.

I fiercely gripped his short hair and thrusted as deep as my tongue would go one last time before pulling off. He panted for a few seconds, looking lost and dishevelled after I had grabbed his perfect hair. I let myself fall beside him, but doing so I brushed against his groin – against his steal hard cock. I couldn't help but flinch and notice that I was not hard...


	22. Skinny Dipping

"**This is a dream**

**-Then it is a good dream"**

- _The Lord of the Rings_, Aragorn & Arwen

A/N: Thanks to Elf as per usual.

**No Warning **

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**Chapter XXII : SKINNY DIPPING**

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I woke up in Emmett's bed. We had talked all night long, cuddled like in a cheesy movie and said sweet words to each other between kisses. You know, like 'I love you' 'I love you more' 'You're perfect' 'Where were you all these years ?' and stuff like that.

I think mostly we were happy to be together again. Hopefully this time though, it was for good. No, this time it was for good. No hopefully.

Emmett kicked in the door and appeared with a tray filled with a mountain of food. I loved Emmett. Scratch that, I love Esme.

"Hungry Jake ?"

I grinned "Get your arse over here !"

He put the tray down and turned to me "You meant me right ? Not the food ?"

I stuck my tongue out "I don't care about your vamp' arse, bring the food !"

He chuckled, picked the tray up and put it down beside me. I didn't wait for the bacon to cool down, I can tell you that. Once I was gorged and content, I looked up at Emmett who had some kind of a disbelieving expression on his face "You know, I can't remember eating the fraction of that ..."

"Well, being a wolf takes energy. And having a vamp' boyfriend even more !"

He raised his eyebrows "Oh, really, and why is that ?"

Hum ... I just said that like that ... "Because you run bloody fast and I have to keep up."

He hummed, not convinced before asking "So anyway, we've got school tomorrow on, but are you free today ?"

I nodded "Yup, what d'you have in mind ?"

"I thought we could go down to the beach, the weather is crap, so hopefully we'll be all ... _alone_."

My mind went reeling with ideas of skinny dipping, getting to touch Emmett entirely naked – and awake. "Let's go !" I exclaimed, maybe sounding a bit suspiciously eager. I jumped out of bed, and dived into my clothes before running after Emmett who had blurred away with the breakfast tray.

He was standing in the lounge, rocking on his feet, waiting for me, with the same low waist jeans and V-neck T-shirt he had yesterday. Perfect. I smiled and ran over to him, putting an arm around his broad shoulders as good as I could – seeing as he was quite taller than me.

He pressed a kiss to my cheek and asked "Let's go ?" to which I nodded.

On the way out we met Edward who was holding Bella by the waist and murmuring to her, while she smiled her usual crooked semi-depressed smile. I really don't know how I ever could have thought she was attractive. I mean sure, the Imprint fucked it all up, but now it seemed natural to want a big brawny man, with masculine features, strong arms, powerful calves, muscular chest ... I felt myself growing hard, great ...

Edward rolled his eyes "Wouldn't you go mentally drool over your imprint somewhere else Jacob ? Just go skinny dipping like you've planned, I don't want to hear your horny thoughts ..." He grumbled half earnestly half jesting, which made me blush.

Emmett guided me away from the lovebirds without a comment, and when we reached the tree line asked "Want to go piggy back or prefer to phase ?"

I remembered Edward's words. If anyone was in wolf form right now they would hear my thoughts. That was a no-no. On the other hand I wasn't crazy about Emmett carrying my like his damsel in distress ... Oh well, better that than have to go through the pack's bawdy jokes later. "Don't want to phase."

His lip quirked and he crouched so I could hop on his back "Hold on tight !" I tightened my legs around his midsection and grabbed his shoulders, burying my head in the crook of his neck, letting myself enjoy his divine scent. I closed my eyes to avoid the speed sickness that was sure to follow, and simply enjoyed the moment. This was life, this, this was the best I could have. It couldn't get any better.

I chuckled at my own girly-ness. But that didn't change the fact that it was true. I was happy. I was truly, profoundly happy, more than I had been in a long time actually. I had my imprint near me, who loved me, who hopefully treasured me, and I loved him back, and we were happy. The simple fact that Emmett radiated happiness was enough to make me satisfied, but the fact that he loved me and we were together sent me over the moon.

As pitiful as it sounds, it wasn't exactly a feeling I was used to. The last time I was anywhere near this happy was before mom passed. After that dad was the shadow of himself, then he got better but my sisters moved away. After that came Bella and her unconditional love, but Not for me, after came the shifting, the imprinting, the awkwardness, the one-sided love, the hoping when Emmett was a corpse in bed, and finally, finally we were together.

We arrived at the beach and I hopped off Emmett's back. As predicted we were alone – who would go to the beach a Sunday at 2PM when it's grey, almost dark, and threatens to rain ? Well, a werewolf and a vampire. Scratch that, a gay werewolf and a gay vampire who enjoy their privacy.

I took my shirt off, dropped my shorts and glanced over at Emmett. Boxers off too ? I hadn't been naked with him yet ... Well, not conscious anyway, and even if he WAS my imprint and even if I DID love him, it felt weird to be naked around someone, anyone really.

Emmett didn't seem to have the same inhibitions, he pulled his boxers down with his jeans and was halfway down the shore before I had time to recover from seeing his perfect arse dwindling towards the strangely calm sea. I had never seen him naked. When he had been in that comatose state, I had always been very careful to preserve his intimacy. I had stripped him to his boxers, but never more than that. And now I had a marvellous sight of his arse. Muscular, big but not obscenely so, marble white just like the rest of his body. God how I longed to touch him...

I took a deep breath and pulled my boxers off too, letting my semi jut free happily. I sprinted towards the water, knowing my face had probably never been as red.

Emmett was standing in the sea, reaching right above his waist, chuckling when he saw me dive in as soon as the water reached my knees. I cherished the feeling of the ice cold water on my hot skin. I had liked cold since I shifted. Maybe my whole life had been planned ahead and I had been programmed to like cold because I was going to Imprint on Emmett ? Or it was just a thing about wolves and I was grasping at straws.

I swam underwater to my Imprint, grabbed his ankles and, planting my own feet steadily on the floor of the sea, I lifted him until he fell back with a big 'SPLASH'. I laughed; no one makes fun of me !

I yelped as I felt him from behind put an arm between my legs and lifting me with one arm out of the water before he threw me towards deeper grounds. I took a deep breath before entering the water and planned to swim underwater until I was behind Emmett to reciprocate.

Except I felt two strong hands grab my waist and pull me upright, before Emmett pulled me against his chest, putting his strong arms around my chest, locking me in place. I could feel his soft cock against my arse and I had to fight the erection I felt starting to appear.

"Life should be like this everyday. Too bad we have to go to school" He whispered in my ear. I shivered at the feeling of his breath on my neck. I forced him to let me go so I could face him and brought my face to his, sucking on his bottom lip, before parting my lips and letting his tongue thrust into me. I loved the feeling of his ice cold tongue cooling my hot mouth, it felt insanely good. I couldn't help if everything about him was as cold ... And if it would feel as perfect everywhere I was so hot ... But I wasn't exactly eager about letting him get near my arse. Yet.

I could fight it as much as I wanted, I ultimately got hard. Fuck it. I could feel Emmett wasn't hard, but he wasn't exactly limp either. Oh he was huge, and I mean HUGE, huge! I turned my back to him again. We were facing the horizon, and I loved just standing there, us two alone against the elements.

One of the hands that were holding me travelled North but I didn't register, I had my eyes closed, head resting against his left shoulder, letting the cold seep into my bones. However when his hand came across a nipple I jerked my eyes open and went rigid. God now I was hard as a rock. And all it took was him brushing a hand on my nipple !

Emmett rubbed his thumb on my nipple which was erect and standing at attention, just like my cock. I moaned – fuck this was feeling good ! His hand slowly made its way down and I had to suppress a moan.

But somehow it felt like he was doing to please me or something, and I didn't want it be like that. I didn't want it to be about _my_ pleasure "I thought you said you were not comfortable ..."

His hand returned to hold me tight "I ... Oh Gosh I'm sorry, Jake ..."

I was disappointed to feel that he was barely sporting a semi ... I let one of my hands wander on his chest and slowly made my way down, wanting, hoping to get a reaction from him. Before I could though he grabbed my wrists and brought them back to my chest.

Now this was turning to a nightmare. Did he really not want ... ? I struggled to keep my voice level as I asked "You don't want ... ?"

He drew me in closer, and sure enough, he wasn't hard. Somehow that really wasn't fun. I was kind of hoping I would turn him on big time ... He took his time before he answered in his low voice.

"I told you it would take me time, Jake ..."

"But you don't want me ?" I asked before could stop myself. God I felt selfish for asking that ! But I wanted to know, even though I felt childish, it still hurt to know I didn't excite him the way he did me.

"Why do you think I suggested skinny dipping ? Why do you think I have you stuck on my chest ? What do you think I did what I just did, Jake ? I'm just not comfortable with you touching me intimately yet ... I like touching you, but if the fact that you can't reciprocate makes it awkward I can stop. Just tell me what you want. But for now, I now I am happy with being able to touch and hold you like this. I am really sorry if it's not perfect for you, but I swear it won't take me forever to get comfortable."

He was right, of course he was. I just didn't see it. He was the one who suggested we swam naked and he had been the one touching me. So of course he wanted me. I smiled, pleased, for myself. Of course I couldn't wait to get my hands on him, but if the price of entering heaven with my Emmett was to wait, then I would wait.

"You know, I'm tired of repeating school over and over again. When we graduate we're going wherever you want to go, doing whatever you want to do, I'll follow you to the end of the world, Jake. I want you to live, I want to see you grow old, I want you to have a real life. You deserve better than the pale imitation my lot in life is."

My heart lurched at his words. He didn't simply love me, he put everything after me. "Emmett, I'm not growing old. I'm living forever. With you."

"Jake, living forever is a curse, not a blessing. I don't want you to have to watch your family and friends die while you don't take a wrinkle. I don't want you to be limited to school over and over again until the trumpets of doomsday finally resonate."

"You don't get it, Emmett. Living forever might not be fun, but living forever with you is my purpose in life." I felt something drip on my shoulders. I turned my head and saw red, tears of blood. I turned to face Emmett again, and my heart melted, he sported this huge foolish grin while crying silently. I cupped his cheeks and pressed a delicate kiss to his lips.

He sniffed and said "Well, I'm going to make it my purpose in life to keep you happy. I'm picking you up tomorrow at 8:15AM to go to school and I'll be your personal chauffeur."

I chuckled "Wow, I've never had one of those before !"

"Now you do !" He paused, before adding, unsure "Jake ... It's probably much too early to ask this, but I'm going to do it anyway. Do you know what you want from life ? What do you want to do after you graduate ? I said that I would follow you, and I will, but I'd love to help you plan out your life ..."

Yeah, go for the easy questions while you're at it Em' ... "Hum, no, I have absolutely no idea. Scratch that, I have a tiny ridiculous idea, but it's exactly that: ridiculous."

"Tell me, I'm sure it's great."

"I kept reading all your books during that month, and I realized I liked to read ... So I thought I might study English Lit or something like that ..."

"That's marvellous, I love reading too. Wonderful past-time for someone who is engineered to live forever."

"What would you have done if you hadn't been turned ?"

The waves were starting to rise, and despite my insane heat, I wasn't feeling so warm anymore. Emmett probably sensed this for he offered "Let's get out of here and I'll tell you all about it !"

Luckily the cold water had been able to make my erection wane, and I was left with a half-hard cock and blue balls. We strode out of the water, and that's when I realized we had nothing to dry ourselves. Fuck it, I'm not a planner ! And I also realized Emmett was a planner, because he had brought those two huge fluffy, incredibly tempting robes – don't ask me where he got them or how he got them here.

We both put them on, and I sat down right where the sand started – I wasn't obsessed about getting sand in places I didn't even know ... Emmett came to sit beside me, and I drew him in with one arm. He let his head rest on my shoulder and I pressed a soft kiss on his head. If it wasn't for my blue balls, I would've mistaken it for a dream.

"If I hadn't been changed, I would've gone to a culinary arts school."

"You wanted to learn how to cook ?!" That was probably the last thing I would've thought of.

He snorted "Yes, and now I can't eat. Ain't that a bitch."

I realized at that moment that, as much as I had gotten the impression of life fucking me over, I had gotten away more or less easily. I mean, Emmett's brother died, then he died, then his parents died. Then again, my mother had died too. Why can't we be the lambda student at school ? With two normal parents, no responsibilities, only having to worry about what to wear, your last crush and the next assignment ?

"But you know Jake, I think I'm the one of the only in the family who doesn't regret having been turned. Or at least who regrets the least. I had Rosalie, now I have you, I have my family. And I'm one of the strongest men on earth !" A smiled tugged my lips, he had a way of always seeing the bad, but also the good in things.

What he said brought something I hadn't thought about for a while "Em' ? I haven't lived very long, 17 years, and you know the rough outline, but I don't know anything about your history ..."

"That, is a tale for another day my handsome puppy."

"Don't call me puppy !" I snapped. I hated that surname. It brought feelings I didn't even want to consider. Feelings of submission that weren't _me_.

"Why not ? I love calling you my young pup' !" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I gritted my teeth "I just don't like being called that."

"You do realize that you're partly wolf and that to me you're insanely young, right ?"

"It's still very patronizing."

"In that case I guess I'll have to find another affectionate nickname ... Mmh ... how about wolfy ?"

I chuckled "Much better, but I would prefer something not animalistic."

"Aw ! No fun ! The fact that you turn into a giant wolf is so ... _exciting _!"

Well, that was good to know. Future kink ? Or usable for teasing, or even to try to make him allow me to bloody touch him ! "What would you say if I started calling bloodsucker or bat ?"

"I wouldn't mind as long as I get to call you my very own cute little puppy."

I growled at him "Don't."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Then you'll be Jake, plain Jake. How boring is that ?"

"That's perfect. I'm not your tamed puppy or wolf. I'm Jake."

"I'm sure I'll be able to tame you !"

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, just you try ... Teddy bear."

He chuckled "Teddy bear ? What makes you say that ?"

"Well, you went to get killed by a bear after your girlfriend left you !"

I felt him stiffen against me. What ? What did I say ? Please tell me he was over the fact that a girl left him after seventy years ...

"How did you know that ?"

FUCK ! Completely slipped my mind ! He didn't know I had had that stupid dream !

"Hum ..."

He stood up and looked at me pointedly "Yes ?"

"I had a dream a few days after I imprinted, and I saw you, and her, what she said, what she did, and what you did afterwards."

"A dream ?" He sounded utterly un-convinced.

"Yes, a dream. And if you must know I also had two wet dreams involving you and another one weird as fuck where I ran after you in the dark."

"Either you're telling the truth or you're covering for someone who told you. Except I've only told Rosalie, and I don't think she'd tell you that, so let's say I believe you. Why didn't you tell me sooner ?"

He sounded positively pissed "Is it really such a big deal ?" I got up and tried to grab his wrist to bring him close to me, but he wouldn't let me.

"Yes, actually it is. Now I don't know what else you haven't told me. And that particular moment of my life is one I'm extremely ashamed of, so I don't like people knowing."

Now that wasn't fair ! "What ? You think I didn't tell you on purpose ? I had that dream when I barely even knew your fucking name ! And what, you were planning on holding that bit out on me just because you're ashamed ? You don't think I have a right to know ?"

He looked at me, conflicted, before saying "No, I don't and no I wasn't. Look, I'm sorry, alright ... I was being a fucking Drama King like Edward when he tried to get himself killed in Italy and I hate it ! I do trust you, Jake, you haven't given me a single reason to doubt you. It's just that I'm used to Rosalie being the only one knowing all my secrets, I guess it's something else I need to get used to." He took a deep breath before adding "And I do understand why you want to know everything about my past, so how about I take you home, and I'll spend the whole evening telling you."

This time he let me grab his wrist, and I drew his chest to me "I wish you were comfortable with me ..." Coupled to his previous refusal to let me touch him, this was starting to affect me more than I cared to admit.

He cupped my cheeks "Look at me Jake, I am, not with everything, but I am." He scrutinized me before adding "I think it's time I told you something, but let's get out of here. How about I take you back to the Res' ?"

I wasn't exactly happy about the whole taking-time issue, but I was also intrigued with what he had to say, so I nodded meekly, and he went to collect our clothes. We both put them on, and I hopped on his back.

I let my mind go blank. Too many things to consider, to mull over, and it would probably only get worse ... I needed time to process. Emmett had only woken up yesterday, and it was starting to all get too much for now.

When he arrived, I promptly hopped off, but unfortunately Sam and Paul had seen me piggy riding, I was sure to hear some teasing about that later ... Oh well, they could go fuck themselves. Particularly Paul. That fucking prick was giving me the creeps.

I opened the door, let Emmett in while I yelled "DAD ! I'M HOME !"

I immediately heard rolling and dad appeared coming out of the kitchen "Jake ! Ah, I see you brought your Imprint."

Emmett went up to dad and presented a hand, smiling.

Dad nodded dryly ignoring the hand, and Emmett's polite smile faltered. Now what ? Why did my dad have to be so fucking dry ? Wasn't it enough that my Imprint lived in a palace, and I in a sham ! Did my dad really have to make the comparison with Esme and Carlisle so much paler ?

"Jake, can I have a word, son ?" I was about to snap to my dad, but Em' was faster.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning, Jacob. If your dad doesn't mind me kidnapping you to go to school that is." He hissed before blurring out.

I pinched my noise and eyed my dad's satisfied smirked wearily. Well, I did want the night for myself, but that's not how I had planned it to go down. Finally I couldn't just stay silent, so I snapped "What the FUCK was that about ?!"


	23. I Win !

"_**What is the function of a rubber ... ... duck ?"**_

_Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_, J.K. Rowling

A/N : Thanks to elf !

**Warning : M/M lemons.**

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**Chapter XXIII : I WIN !**

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Previously: _I pinched my noise and eyed my dad's satisfied __smirk__ wearily. Well, I did want the night for myself, but that's not how I had planned it to go down. Finally I couldn't just stay silent, so I snapped "What the FUCK was that about ?!"_

Dad scowled "You know what this is about !"

I had a furious urge to demolish something ! It wasn't difficult enough for Emmett to accept being with a guy, or more accurately, a guy who wasn't the woman he had been with for the past seventy years and also happened to be his natural enemy. No, that wasn't difficult enough ! My dad had to come in and make everything even more complicated ! I was sure Emmett was upset, I know I would have been.

And the worst was that I had no idea what the problem was ! "NO, I DON'T !"

"Don't you yell at me young man !"

"THEN TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG !" My chest was heaving. Enough was enough ! I was finally with Emmett after one month of torture, and I wasn't letting ANYONE come between us !

"He isn't allowed on our land."

I scoffed "Oh yeah ? Sam told me he was, he also told me he'd deal with the elders if there was a problem, you're welcome to talk to him about it."

"What ?"

I smirked "You heard me."

Dad was dumbfounded, so I waited a few seconds before asking insolently "Is there anything else you want to trouble me with ?"

He sighed "No. Just be careful. I know nobody can fight this, I'm just worried ... You stayed with him a whole month ! If you have to know, I'm worried about what he is making you do !" Dad was frowning, looking down.

"Dad, like you said, we can't fight this. Don't worry about me, I can take whatever life throws at me after turning into a giant wolf and imprinting on a male vampire. And he doesn't make me do anything, it's all my own choice."

He smile half-heartedly and chuckled "Yes, I guess you are right ... I'll be civil next time."

I nodded and strode off to my bedroom, collapsing on my bed after stripping to my boxers. Well, that was fixed ! I heard my phone vibrate, so I took a look.

From Emmett Cullen: _Hey, whatever I did to make your dad hate you, I'll make him like me, you'll see !_

I smiled and quickly tapped an answer.

To Emmett Cullen: _I fixed it before you :D He's just worried about me, and I hadn't told him that you were allowed here ... So my bad really ! I miss you ..._

I hesitated with the last three words, but there was too much truth in it to leave it out, so I sent the message. A few seconds later, I got an answer.

From Emmett Cullen: _Damn, you're a fast one ! So I don't need to worry about bringing my leper-infested body to you tomorrow to pick you up for school ?_

To Emmett Cullen: _Well, that depends ... Leper is ugly ! I'm not having an ugly BF !_

From Emmett Cullen: _BF, huh ? Be careful, people are going to stare at us instead of Bella and Eddi ! Up for the challenge ? A Cullen and a Quileute together, both guys at that, everyone is going to talk about that for month :P _

To Emmett Cullen: _Pff, I'll just growl and they'll run away. Why, you worried ?_

From Emmett Cullen: _LoL ! No, everyone is already obsessed with how handsome I am, and how perfect my abs are ... And how sexy my arse is ! So it won't be anything new for me :D_

To Emmett Cullen: _That's because there was no __one to__ compete with your abs and arse. But now I will be there !_

From Emmett Cullen: _You forget I'm designed to please ... _

To Emmett Cullen: _Ha ! Be careful or I'll take you up on your offer !_

From Emmett Cullen: _I didn't offer anything ! I just said that I'm very good at pleasing ... people. Besides, you were the one to stop me from ... pleasing you._

The fucking tease !

To Emmett Cullen: _If you carry on, you'll have a very horny wolf howling in front of your window all night ..._

From Emmett Cullen: _Sorry, I don't do bestiality :/ I'm Jacob only now, so there will be no __pleasing no__ wolves !_

To Emmett Cullen: _What if I phase ? Then you'll have a very horny NAKED Jacob __outside your__ window howling all night ..._

From Emmett Cullen: _I'm coming._

I chuckled. Yes ! Emmett: 0, Jacob 1 ! Shortly after there was a 'Thud' and Emmett was in my room.

"So what was that about a very naked horny Jacob ?"

"What, I thought you didn't want anything to do with a naked horny Jacob !"

Emmett cocked his head and hummed "Like I said, you stopped me. How about I try it again and this time you DON'T stop me ?"

I didn't answer as I was busy gaping comically. I could literally hear my heart thump in my chest powerfully, the sound deafening any other sound.

Emmett smiled gently "Calm down, Jake, I just thought it was something you wanted ..."

I shook my trans away "No, no, I do ! I'm just ...

"Nervous ?"

I nodded tensely. I couldn't believe he was actually going to go with this ! My cock got hard in a quarter of a second in my boxers.

Emmett seductively made his way to my bed, stripping off his shirt slowly. He crawled over to me, while my hands shook and I was paralyzed in bed.

"Shh, calm down Jake. I freaked out too the first time I did it, calm down." His low voice coupled with his hand slowly stroking my hair soothed me enough to stop shaking like I was demented.

He cupped my head and brought my lips to his for a chaste kiss. I let my eyelids drop at the assault in feelings. I could feel everything: from his icy lips tracing kisses along my neck, to his frozen fingers tracing complicated motifs on my burning torso; and obviously, my rock-hard cock.

"Do you know how handsome you are, Jake ? I could spend my days watching you and touching you like this..." I hummed low, shivering. Why hadn't I discovered this sooner ? My life couldn't possibly get better than –

"OH MY GOD !" Emmett had touched my cockhead with a cold, wet, finger. He chuckled and took my cock between two fingers, before slipping my boxers off. I moaned at the simple feeling of him holding me lightly and the band of my boxers brushing against my balls held up tight against my shaft.

"Jake ? Jake are you alright ?" Dad called from somewhere in the house. I cursed under my breath and yelled with as straight a voice as possible "No problem !"

As soon as I heard him roll away, Emmett took my cock in his full hand, and whispered "Don't make any noise, otherwise my sexy wolf is going to get caught naked in bed by his dad." And with that he started stroking my cock without further ceremony.

Each movement sent stars flying before my closed eyes, his icy cold hand gripping my burning hot cock felt like heaven, while the other hand roamed on my chest, tweaking the eventual nipple.

It didn't take me long to cum ... At all. I could feel my face heat up when I started to sense my cock pulsating after what felt like seconds of Emmett's handjob.

"Let it all go, Jake, don't worry about anything, just let go to pleasure." His low voice stated and I let all inhibition loose before allowing my cock to spill its white sperm all over my hot chest.

I managed all this without so much as a sound, and I let my head fall on to a cushion, trying to catch my breath silently.

"Was it good ?" Emmett asked, sounding unsure for the first time, while I felt him wipe the cum off my chest.

I nodded weakly, feeling the blissful sensation of my lust waning and my balls less full to the brim.

I opened my eyes after a while, smiling tiredly, seeing Emmett sitting beside me on his knees, shirtless and as perfect as ever. My smile widened when I caught a glimpse of his crotch which seemed ... larger than usual.

I sat up slowly and rested on my elbows "So do I excite you ?"

He smiled and asked "You have no idea how hot you are, do you ?"

I shook my head slowly before pouncing on him, all ideas of sleep long gone. I pinned him under me and smirked, kissing him passionately, letting his icy tongue explore my mouth just like I loved.

I let my hands fall on his cold hard chest, letting the heat of my hands seep into his torso. I quickly travelled down to the top of his pants, sticking a finger under the waste-band of his boxers.

That immediately made him blur from under me though. "Jake, I – I can't ... You're going to have to wait for that ..."

I tried to pretend that I wasn't crashing from my sexual high and nodded meekly "Yeah, I understand, don't worry, we have time ..." I tried to make it sound like I wasn't disappointed at all, or wasn't borderline depressing or anything ...

Emmett lied down beside me "I was planning to tell you everything about me tonight, but I think that'll have to wait. Wolves are supposed to be in bed this late !"

I rolled my eyes "I really don't need a second dad."

He chuckled before growing serious "There is one thing I wanted to say though." He sat up, collected his wits and took my hands, diving his gaze into mine "I love you, Jake."

My eyebrows rose a fraction, what, was that it ? I kinda' already knew that ...

"I know you hate how uncomfortable I can get, so I need you to know that I love you no matter what. I need you to know that no matter what I do or don't do, you're part of me now."

Somehow, I got the impression this was more than just him reassuring me ... "What aren't you telling me Em' ?"

He clenched his jaw before answering "You know how Rose says I'm possessive ? Well now I'm going to get that way with you ... And as much as I hate it, that how I am, and I've tried to change, but I just can't."

I smiled "Hey, that suits me perfectly, because I would rip up anyone who touches you too you know !"

He lost his serious face and chuckled "Ok, good we're clear."

I yawned and realized how tired I was. But I had one thing I wanted to say first "You promise you'll tell me everything about you some day ?"

Emmett nodded "I swear. Tomorrow if we have time ! Now you're tired so I should go."

"Yeah, I need to get some sleep for tomorrow ..."

He simply smiled, pressed a kiss to my left cheek and disappeared. I sighed, turned around and let myself fall on my back on the bed.

Everything felt confused. Emmett had woken up and more or less picked up where he had left off, like this wasn't the first time it happened. Which probably it wasn't, come to think of it ...

I, on the other hand, had gone through quite a bit. First anger, sadness when he had first returned broken, then despair, before getting my hopes up.

Then he woke up, went out hunting while I had to deal with Paul and try to get my life back on track. Then I slept in his bed with him awake, went skinny dipping with him, nearly got my head chopped off by my dad, and just got myself my first ever handjob. All this in just over one day.

First of all, I was more or less certain I would have to find a solution about Paul, who wouldn't just let it go. He seemed hell-bent to get ... Well, me. And knowing Paul, he wouldn't stop until he got me, whatever that meant. I didn't think he would go after Emmett, but he would definitely try something.

Maybe I should talk about it to Sam ? Or to dad ? But what could they do ? Dad could only talk to Paul's dad who was probably powerless, and Sam could only order Paul to stay away from me, which I didn't want to do to Paul. As much as he weirded me out, he seemed to care for me on some level, and I didn't exactly want him to have to stay away because his Alpha ordered him to...

When did my life get so complicated again ? There I was, chasing after a girl who didn't want me, and a few days later I change in a giant dog, I'm hopelessly in love with a vampire, and another dog wants to get into my pants. Great.

On the other hand, my life had never felt so ... Right. Emmett liked me. Emmett seemed to want me ! Well, he seemed to want to touch me even if he wasn't hot on reciprocating yet. But it had to be better than him wanting me to touch him but not the opposite, right ? At least I don't have to feel like some cheap whore ... Even if I probably wouldn't.

Actually, I probably would give anything to make him let me touch him ... Or maybe I had just tried to be too quick about it all, aiming for his pants right away when I should have been slowly turning him on. Ugh, now I felt like an obsessed jerk.

Still better than to feel like a cheap whore. Though in theory that's supposed to make me feel like his very own stud toy. But I really didn't feel like that. Not when he kissed me like he did...

I closed my eyes and arched my back. God his touch ! His fingers slowly trailing on my burning chest ... I moaned low as I felt my cock slowly harden. Again.

I wasn't even sure how I could complain about anything if I got that once a week ... Well, I did have all those fantasies ... My cock hitched as I thought about all those times when I had dreamt of Emmett. Or when I had been lying next to his unconscious form, imagining everything we could do...

I shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom, locking myself in before letting the water run in the shower. I stripped out of the boxers I had jumped in and entered the cubicle, letting the warm water cascade over me.

My hands immediately found their way to my dick, which hadn't wavered one bit. God I hadn't even seen Emmett's cock yet ... I had caught a glimpse, but I hadn't actually watched it. I remember the feeling of his cool member nuzzled between my arse cheeks, while my back was against his naked chest.

I also remember the feeling of his one wet finger trailing on my cockhead. I jerked myself off furiously at the memory, letting my mind fill in the blanks. I imagined myself towering above Emmett, slipping his boxers off, admiring his cock, touching it, _tasting_ it !

My hands slowed down, as I wanted time to imagine more before I came. I let my head rest against the wall, letting the water fall on my chest, caress my sensitive cock.

I imagined Emmett writhing under me, bucking into my mouth, filling it to the brim, I imagined him moaning, losing that control of his. I imagined him growling aggressively and turning the tables, pinning me to the bed on my stomach. I imagined him gripping my arse with both hands, I imagined him slipping a hand under me to rub on my quivering cock ...

I came hard.

I let my head rest against the cold tile while I caught my breath.

That image of an aggressive Emmett made me cum in seconds ... I shivered, that wasn't something I felt like I wanted, but it still turned me on... Weird...

I shrugged it off and started cleaning myself, making sure I was ... trace-free and spotless for my 'first day in school'.

As soon as I was done, I got out, had dinner with my dad and went to bed, exhausted after a long few days.


	24. Building Something New

**_"Without you, today's feelings would only be the dead skin of yesterday's emotions."_**

-_Amélie_

A/N: As per usual, thank you to Elf for her work, but let me add a thanks to guest beta ZacTy2010. Please review and let me know what you think !

**Warning: Smut**

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**Chapter XXIV: BUILDING SOMETHING NEW**

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My alarm woke me quite early just like I planned. I wasn't a morning person, but seeing as Emmett would be picking me up, I really wanted to be on time and looking good. Not mentioning I would be meeting a whole lot of people, and they did say first impressions were important !

I opened my eyes groggily, quickly realizing I had the worst morning wood I had had for a very long time... Actually I couldn't even remember the last time I had a morning wood. It had always seemed wrong to think about Bella in a sexual way - and I knew Edward would rip my head off. So I used to jerk off on some old magazines, but that really wasn't all that exciting, and it never gave me a morning wood. I gripped my hard cock and squeezed it, suppressing a moan. God it felt good !

How I wished I could sleep with Emmett, wake up with his naked cold body pressed against mine, and feel his hard cock nestled between my arse cheeks.

I hadn't had time to fantasize about Emmett and what we could do together. Yet. Now I had quite a bit of time on my hands. And I also had a hard cock in my hands.

I slowly started stroking my foreskin up and down, letting myself be filled with the exquisite feeling it brought.

Thinking better of it, I sprang out of bed and strode naked to the shower, knowing dad would still be fast asleep. I locked the door to the bathroom and entered the shower, letting the hot water cascade over my face and sensitive cock. Jerking off in the shower was far better - I could be a bit loud and it felt terrific !

I grasped my dick with both hands and gave another hard squeeze, loving the feeling this gave me. I started to imagine, lying naked on the bed, Emmett standing at the foot of the bed, slowly taking his shirt off, revealing those strong abs, and that taut white skin. I started jerking myself quickly, letting my brain provide the necessary stimulations.

I closed my eyes, and summoned the memories of all those nights I'd spent lying by his side, praying he'd wake up. Now I kind of wished he could fall asleep ...

Once shirtless, Emmett gazed at me seductively, his head bowed forward, while his hands slowly travelled towards his pants. He would pop the button of his jeans, before taking the zipper and lowering it agonizingly slow. I would be slowly stroking myself on the bed, fighting off the upcoming climax. I moaned - if only dream could become reality !

Emmett lowered his pants with both hands, before standing up straight, giving me a good view of his tight blood-red boxers, and the outline of his hard dick.

He would palm himself through his underwear slowly, before putting both thumbs under his waist-band and -

FUUUCK !

I came all over the shower while furiously stroking myself, enjoying every last second of bliss, until my cock became too sensitive. I washed myself and wiped the cum off the walls. I would definitely have to work on my stamina. It wouldn't do to cum before Em' was even naked ...

I was in Emmett's car, on the way to school for my first day in the 'white' school. I wasn't looking forward to it. I had grown attached to the freedom that came with having my own business. But at least I would be spending my days around Emmett, so it could be worse.

Emmett was graduating this year, while I was one year below him - so we wouldn't share any classes, but at least I wouldn't be far, and we would be travelling together and eating together !

"You alright, Jake ?"

"Yup ! Just a bit sleepy is all, and it's going to be a pain to go back to school. Plus I'm going to have to work overtime to catch up on everything I've missed... I wish my dad hadn't forced me to go back to school !"

"Could be worse, you could be stuck in school forever."

My eyes widened, I really should stop complaining about my lot in life ...

"Can't you pretend you're a graduate, that way at least you get to attend University !"

"Carlisle let me attend Uni a few times, but he doesn't like it ... And once you've gone through Uni once it gets boring too."

"What are you going to do once you and the others have gone out of High School ?"

"Well, Edward talks about turning Bella and marrying her, so I guess he'll just stick with his beloved and stop going to school. Lucky Bastard."

The idea of Bella going vampire really didn't sit well with me, but now that I had imprinted I could understand why she did it. If Emmett asked it of me I would let him turn me in a heartbeat - well, if it even was possible to turn a shifter ... Bella hadn't imprinted of course, but I knew that if I didn't have the prospect of an eternal life with Emmett, it would be something I'd strive for. The last thing I would want was for Emmett to watch me powerlessly grow old and die ! So yeah, now I understood why she would ask something like that of Edward.

Emmett added "But I don't think they'll actually go through with it after graduation. She might have accepted to marry him, but he still doesn't want to change her, and he's going to try and drag it out as much as possible. I bet that he'll be able to make her wait one year before she breaks him..."

I chuckled "Bella sure knows what she wants. I don't think he'll last that long against her ! And seeing as he won't have sex with her until they marry, I think she'll be really motivated..." I realized too late that sex was a sensitive subject. Now a tense silence was hovering in the speeding car. I couldn't say I understood Emmett's reasons for not wanting to let me touch him though .. I mean, if he had issues about being gay, he wouldn't want to touch me, but wouldn't mind me touching him. So it had to be something else. What had he said ? Something about it being weird to have someone that wasn't Blondie touching him.

Thinking about it long and hard, I guess I would be able to understand. But maybe I didn't want to. Maybe I wanted to be a bit pissed at him for that.

...

No, I really didn't want to. I shivered at the thought of being angry with Emmett, it seemed unlikely. Impossible ... I could probably be temporarily irritated with him, but that was about it !

I think the correct expression for what I was feeling was 'sexual frustration'. I had jerked myself stupid last night at the mere idea of seeing Emmett in front of me.

And I couldn't possibly think about this now ... I had barely gotten rid of my morning wood, so springing another boner right now just wouldn't cut it - I could only imagine the blue balls I would be sporting all day ! Actually I had a feeling I would be frustrated for a while. I didn't think Emmett was in a particular hurry to move things forward ... I sighed low.

"What's up ?"

He must have heard me sigh. Of course he would hear me sigh. Super hearing, remember ? Living with a vampire would definitely require some adjustments ...

"Nothing, I just feel like this day is never going to end." I answered. Well, that wasn't the reason I sighed, but it was true nonetheless. It already felt like hours since I had woken up, and the hour had yet to reach 9AM.

We reached the school after a very silent ride. I hope Emmett put my silence on the count of my first day rather than the awkward slip I made earlier. Which reminded me; please tell me Emmett won't want to wait until we're fucking married ! I didn't really think he would, considering that he had already given me a handjob and that he implied more would come later. So at least I wouldn't have to marry at 17 like Bella just to satisfy my Imprint.

We exited the car, and then came that awkward moment every couple knows. It's like when you go visit your parents with your love. What do you do ? Hold hands ? Probably not. Hug ? Probably not either. Kiss ? Definitely not.

I could see that despite all Emmett's words, he was still uneasy at the prospect of showing he had a Quileute boyfriend at school. No matter, I wasn't comfortable about advertising I had a Cullen boyfriend either. Particularly because I had no idea how 'open' people here were.

"Hum, let's go ?" Emmett asked, looking tensed and uncertain.

I nodded meekly, deciding to let Emmett lead the dance. After all, we were on his turf. Not that I liked to leave commands to someone else, but in this case I didn't have much of a choice: I had no idea what to expect. I liked to be in control, and here I wasn't feeling an abundance of control - so let's just say I couldn't wait for this to be over.

I followed, walking beside Emmett, taking care not to walk too near. For all I could have said, being outside the vampire/shifter community really changed things. And the fact that we were in a highschool didn't help. So Emmett would have to excuse me if I didn't act like we were together. Besides, he was probably thinking along the same lines.

The morning wormed forward slowly, and it was a relief when it was finally time to have lunch. As soon as I had my lunch in hand, I strode towards the large table where the Cullens were sitting. Edward and Bella were sitting beside each other, probably holding hands. Emmett was facing Bella, while Rosalie was facing Edward. Alice and Jasper were sitting in front of each other, beside Rosalie and Edward. Three people were there too, which I remember to be Bella's friends. There was that love-sick puppy sitting next to Bella, while an Asian guy was sitting beside him and, an Hispanic girl was sitting in front of him. The spot next to Emmett was free to my utmost relief, and I very quickly slid myself in the chair beside my Imprint, hoping no one would notice anything.

People had been staring at me at first, but quickly the rumour that a Quileute boy was in a white school became old news. After that I only had to deal with two girls who were offering to tutor me at their place. They also said "We'll teach you _anything_. And my house is empty ..." I innocently declined their offer and avoided them for the rest of the morning. I also heard one girl talk to her friend about how _muscular_ and _hot _Emmett was, but I did manage to only kick a locker before calming myself.

As soon as I sat down next to Emmett I instantly relaxed and realized how wound up I had been. Thank god for the calming effect of the Imprint ! He immediately turned to me, his arms spread on the table and asked "No problem ?"

"Can't wait to get out of here, but none other than that." I wasn't about to mention that I had received a text from Paul that made me shake with anger.

From Paul Lahote:

_Hey Sexy ! _

_Too bad you're not going on the rez school, I won't be able to watch your plump arse all day ! Don't forget I love you ! _

_Paul_

That guy was quite a piece of work.

"We have sports together this afternoon. I told the coach that you wouldn't have a problem following our level." Emmett whispered.

I grinned. Now that would be fun ! Plus I'd spend some time with Emmett ! I quirked up and said "Cool ! Should be fun !"

Emmett smiled fondly before turning to Bella who was talking to him. I dug into my food heartily. There was way too much time between breakfast and lunch !

I was on to my desert when that Mike-guy said "So you're sulking Emmett, Rosalie ?" I hadn't realized that guy was so stupid. I wanted to leap over the table and strangle him ! And what business was this of his ? And since when did he get so familiar with the Cullens anyway ?!

"No, we divorced." Rosalie said simply, not betraying any emotion.

Bella's three friends gasped and the idiot mumbled an uncomfortable apology.

Like by magic, a girl appeared from behind mister idiot and ogled Emmett "So you're single now ?"

My eyes widened fractionally and I saw Bella glance at me worriedly. What would Emmett say ?

"I really don't think that is any of your business."

She shrugged and pushed a bit more "So you have a girlfriend !"

I squared my jaw. If he said 'yes', I would be very, very angry. And then I would be very, very sad. Fortunately Emmett wasn't going to bring me to the verge of tears, for he placed a hand on my thigh before saying simply "I'm with Jake."

The whole room fell silent. It seemed the Cullens' business was everyone's business...

The idiot girl laughed nervously and whipped around, striding back to her table.

Emmett smirked, put a hand around my shoulders, nudged me to stand, and we left the room under the stares, tightly pressed against each other. A few seconds before we escaped the gazes, Emmett pressed a kiss to my hair.

Once out of the oppressing lunch room, Emmett guided me outside, and we enjoyed a few minutes of calm and silence together before class resumed.

Finally it was time for the last class of the day; sports. I was going to see Emmett again, but we would probably attract all the attention just like everyone had curiously observed me all day, like I was some strange animal from outer space ... No one had been homophobic, so I guess they all realized what year it was. Or they realize that I was a whole head taller than most of them, and that Emmett was two heads taller than most of them. Or they just realized both Emmett and I were strong enough to break anyone like a twig. Whatever the reason, I couldn't complain !

I entered the changing room a while before the class was due to start, and obviously all the gazes turned to me. I noticed Emmett who was standing shirtless, chatting with someone. I also noticed my cock which jumped up enthusiastically at the sight.

I managed to change without showing my erection despite a few guys who were eye-fucking me not very discreetly. I also noticed Emmett received his fair share of eye-fucking. Guess there were a couple of bi-curious guys, at the very least.

Once out in the gym, Emmett came to stand beside me and said "If one of those guys touches you I'm breaking their arms."

I chuckled and said "Likewise."

All in all, the first day was eventful but not as bad as I'd dreaded. Sports had gone alright, except I showered in my underwear – and I noticed Emmett didn't shower, although he kept watch while I did. I didn't love this guard-dog side of my Imprint, but I wasn't about to protest, it seemed to keep a few interested parties at bay. No doubt Emmett had a reputation, and being gay didn't change it one bit.

I was waiting in the parking lot for Emmett. I had no clue where he had disappeared to, but when I came out of the changing room, he wasn't there, so I decided to go wait by his car. After a few minutes, he arrived, jogging towards me.

"Hey, sorry, coach wanted a word."

"What about ?"

"He wanted to ask if we had gotten any problem from the guys in the changing room." Emmett said, grinning.

"Wow, coach worried about his gay recruits ... We really are in 2013 !"

Emmett snorted "No, he knows Esme is on the board of the school."

I nodded, impressed, before asking "What'd you want to do this afternoon ?" I was looking forward to spending some time alone with my Imprint. I had a few things in mind that can't be done in public ...

"Hum, I need to stop by the hardware store, but apart from that you can come by the house, there's no one there. Carlisle is at work, Esme has a board meeting, Ed' and Bella are going for dinner, and Alice and Jaz' are going to hunt with Rose."

I quirked an eyebrow "What'd you need from the hardware store ? I've got anything you could need ..."

Emmett smiled and said nonchalantly "Well, I watched Frankenstein with Rose last night, and we thought we'd try to make a monster, so I'm going to need screws, to screw his brain shut. The rest Carlisle should have in his medical room."

I chuckled "So it's a secret ?"

His smile deepened and he said "Yup !" I rolled my eyes.

"Hop in ! I'm driving you home and then I'll run by the shop."

I was in Emmett's room, and he had run off to that shop of his for whatever he wanted to buy, but apparently I wasn't allowed to know.

I was getting all hot and bothered, imagining every single thing we could do together when Emmett erupted from the door sporting a huge grin "Come, I want to show you something !"

I groaned, willing my semi down and followed Emmett out. We left the house and went into the backyard, which concealed a small spot of grass, out of view because of the many trees and large house. On that spot of grass there was a big pile of ... something, covered by a white canvas sheet.

My eyebrows shot up as I turned to Emmett's grinning face "Hum, ok ..."

He chuckled "So I had an idea. I thought it'd be fun to have a project together, so maybe we could build a shed together ? Not like a tool shed, like a comfy, home-y cabin. It's really weird for me to be in bed with your dad sleeping beside, and being in the bed I shared with Rose isn't much better ... So I thought we could build a cabin where we could have a little privacy and be together ... I want to build something new with you, you know ? It sounds a bit stupid like this, but –"

I didn't let him finish, I hugged him and planted my lips on his. I felt him melt in the kiss and grab my waist to bring me closer. His tongue thrust demandingly in my mouth and I parted my lips greedingly.

We kissed until I had to pull away, panting. "It's a brilliant idea, Em'."


	25. Learning to Communicate

**_"We are not now that strength which in old days_**

**_Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are,_**

**_One equal temper of heroic hearts,_**

**_Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will,_**

**_To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."_**

-Tennyson, _Ulysses_

A/N : Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Warning : M/M lemons, kinkiness **

* * *

**Chapter XXV : LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE**

* * *

"So you want to start building right now ?" Emmett asked.

"Hum..." I wasn't in the mood for building a cabin. I had ...something else, in mind. Something that that required a lot less clothes, but the same amount of sweat.

He grinned "Or would you prefer to ..." He faced me and slowly pulled me into a kiss. I melted into it until I felt his hand cup my groin. Both my body and my cock stiffened instantly.

I backed away slowly "I don't know if ..."

Emmett took one step forward for each step back I took. Soon, however, I was back against a tree and my Imprint was tightly pressed against me, his erection digging into my pelvis, one of his hands between us and slowly tracing the outline of my cock in my pants.

I groaned; my balls were full to the brim and it wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.

"Em, wait !" I managed to exclaim between moans, while he rubbed my cockhead through the fabric. I felt my cock pulsate and my boxers slowly get wet as my member slowly leaked precum.

"I love how I can turn on you ..." Emmett said, looking fascinated, before he rubbed his palm along the length of my cock.

"OH FUUUCK !" I almost screamed as I came in my pants. I panted and closed my eyes, reeling from the climax, feeling the hot sticky liquid spread disgustingly in my boxers.

As soon as I was able to collect my breath I felt my face flush – this was so horribly embarrassing ! I had just came in my pants and Emmett barely touched me for a minute... I coughed nervously and stammered "I – I think I'm gonna ... Uh, I think I'm going to go home." I couldn't even look Emmett in the face.

"You're so cute when you blush." I looked up hesitantly and saw Emmett smile fondly at me.

"God, Em', this is so fucking embarrassing." I managed to admit. Before I could react, he swooped me up bridal style.

"Em', I'm not a fucking girl !"

He rolled his eyes "Yeah, I think that's pretty clear."

"Let me down." I ordered. I wasn't about to let him treat me like a fucking girl. I was a guy for fuck's sake.

He wiggled his eyebrows, ignoring my last comment "I messed you up, now I need to clean you up !" My turn to roll the eyes.

He asked "So, what's so embarrassing ? I turn you on, there's no denying it !" He joked.

I looked away nervously "I came in half a second, that's what."

"I was worse when I started dating. The first time I fucked a girl, I came when I wasn't even buried in her, it's nothing weird, stamina comes with experience."

"Em', let me down."

"Nope."

Before I had the time to protest anymore, he blurred up the house to his en-suite bathroom and put me down in front of the pristine bath tub. He looked at me with those puppy eyes that didn't work on my bear-y body and asked "Will you let me clean you up ?"

I huffed. Damn Imprint would never let me refuse. "Fine." I made short work out of stripping naked, not wanting him to do it for me. He turned the shower on, and I reluctantly hopped into the tub, not letting myself think about how girly this was, how humiliating is was going to be, or how weird it was to be the only one of us two to be regularly naked.

I lied down in the tub and tried not to ogle too much when Emmett took his shirt off. When he returned his attention to me I closed my eyes, and let myself feel. He turned the shower on, and directed the smooth jet of warm water onto my chest, slowly rubbing in soap on my pectoral, occasionally breaching over a nipple.

It wasn't long before my brain was in outer space and I was moaning like a bitch, my cock fully hard ... again.

"That's it, lie back and enjoy." I heard Emmett say, though I wasn't able to process his words.

His skilled cold hands slowly worked their way down, soaping up my pecs, my abs, my happy trail, and stopping just before he reached my cock. The stream of water immediately washed the soap away.

His hands moved back up to my shoulders, and I whined at the loss of sensation, though I quickly started moaning again when his strong hands massaged my shoulders. He must have been masseur in a past life. Or that was one of his numerous degrees.

Who cares ?

He even washed my hair, slowly massaging my scalp, taking care not to let any water or shampoo fall into my eyes. By then my erection had subsided and I was able to think again. I couldn't for the life of me remember ever feeling so good. And I couldn't remember ever feeling like such a girl.

Who cares ?

"Be careful, I might get used to this, Em'."

He chuckled "You damn well better, I love worshipping your perfect body like this."

I blushed but didn't reply. How could Rosalie have given up on this ? Not that I had had many lovers, but he had to be the perfect boyfriend !

He washed the shampoo out of my hair before pressing a languorous kiss to my neck. I let my head rest against his, as he slowly moved to my throat, pressing kiss after kiss after kiss. I felt my cock harden again – please let me last a bit longer this time !

I heard him shuffle behind me and next thing I felt was a hand rest on my chest, with a thumb absent-mindedly brushing my nipple. I balled my fists, desperately trying to prevent myself from jerking myself off; I knew Emmett wanted to take his time. To be honest, I didn't really want this to stop – ever.

His second hand started to stroke my happy trail. That was the weirdest feeling I had ever felt, it seemed like each hair was wired to my cock, and each time he stroked me down there my cock would twitch. He delicately washed the dried cum plastered in my happy trail, before delicately moving down to my sticky pubic hair. I felt his hand slowly soap my cock and balls up and lovingly rid them of semen.

My breath hitched each time he brushed against my cock or balls, and I was soon writhing, desperate for him to grab my cock and actually pump it.

As fate would have it, Emmett had other ideas in mind. His hand slowly moved under my balls, and his index stroked me right below my sac, which made me bulge in the bath.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD ! What the FUCK was that ?" I exclaimed, panting.

"I think I found your sweet spot big boy." He simply said, before touching me _there _again.

Again, I bucked and cursed, a hand shooting down for my cock. I needed release, now !

"Uh, uh, not happening." Emmett managed to grab my hand mid-air, before taking hold of my second wrist with the same hand and pinning them against the side of the bath.

My eyes flew open "Em', you need to let me cum !"

He smirked "I want to see if I can make you cum without touching your cock."

I grunted "You can't be serious."

He wiggled his eyebrows and turned to my cock again, or rather to that spot right between my arse and my balls. Every time he touched it I would buck and my cock would twitch. After a few times, my dick was oozing precum and I was swearing regularly.

"Fucking hell Emmett ! Just touch me !" I bellowed when he touched me down there and chuckled delightedly.

When he didn't even acknowledge me I huffed "You love tormenting me, don't you ?" We must have been quite a view. I was lying naked in the bathtub, water was cascading over my chest. Emmett was shirtless, holding both my wrists with one hand while the other one was plunged between my legs. I was writhing desperately, splashing water everywhere.

"EMMETT FOR FUCK'S SAKE !" I yelled when he still didn't touch my cock and continued to stroke me at that special spot. I was about to cum, I could feel it, if only he would TOUCH my cock I would release right away ! All my muscles were tensed, my head thrown back, pushing against the tub.

His hand edged down lower, until it reached my crack, I felt his cold finger penetrate the crack and slowly stroke its way down until it was rubbing my hole. It didn't linger though, quickly it travelled up again, rubbed insistently on that sweet spot, and –

"GOOOOOOD !" I yelled as his hand freed my wrists and reached my cock before my hands did, giving one strong pump, making me spurt all over myself. My whole body slumped down in the shower, my muscles relaxing all at once, and I didn't even register when Emmett summarily cleaned me up for the second time.

He carried me up, helped me stand up, but I only managed to slump down on him after the third orgasm of the day, and a tiring one. He dried me delicately before carrying me to bed, where I fell asleep before my head reached the pillow.

* * *

"Jake ?"

I felt a cold hand stroke my warm cheek, and I opened an eye. Emmett was over me, with the most loving expression I had ever seen anyone sport. My heart swelled. Would eternity really be like this ? Would I be allowed to live with my Imprint, like this, forever ?

"Jake, it's eight, I think you should wake up, have something to eat, otherwise you'll wake up at midnight and won't be able to fall asleep again..."

I would only need another mind blowing orgasm like the previous one to fall asleep ... Nonetheless, I got up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"I made something to eat for you, want me to bring it up or prefer eating downstairs ? We're still alone by the way."

"No, no, it's alright, I'll come down." As much as I loved to see how Emmett cared about me, I didn't want to be treated like a baby or anything. He left the room and I quickly slipped on some clothes before following.

We strode down the stairs to the kitchen, where the most delicious smell filled my nostrils.

"Lasagne ?!"

He turned to me, grinned, and nodded. I made a bee-line for the table, where a plate was set. Emmett opened the oven, took the tray out with his bare hands and put it in front of my plate. I watched in awe.

"You don't get burned ?!"

He chuckled "Nope ! I can burn, but I can't get heat damage." He handed me a wooden spoon and I took half the lasagne to my plate. I took a small amount onto my fork, blew on it as it seemed searing hot, and tentatively tasted it.

I swallowed and gaped "You have to tell me where you got this ! It's better than my grandma's lasagne, and that's saying something !"

Emmett huffed "Where I got it ..." He shook his head disapprovingly.

"What ?"

"I made it jackass !"

"Ha fucking ha."

"I'm serious ..." He looked dismayed.

"Come on ! Even you are above stealing someone else's credit !" I exclaimed.

Emmett pursed his lips "Well, I'll eat you alone in peace." And with that he walked out on me.

I was too confounded to react. What did I do ? I shook my head disbelievingly, eating the lasagne up, swearing to pull the name of the store where he bought that out of Emmett's nose if need be.

It wasn't until I had eaten up the whole thing that I thought back on what he had said. He couldn't seriously mean that he had cooked that, right ? He didn't even eat, how could he possibly have cooked the best lasagne ever ?! No, not possible. Someone who doesn't eat can't cook, it's as easy as that.

I washed the dishes, put them aside to dry and went hunting for Emmett, finding him sulking in the living room. When he saw me arrive, I clearly saw him put on a mask of indifference before he asked.

"Enjoy your dinner ?"

"Like I said, best lasagne ever." I hoped he would be pleased, but he merely nodded.

"I should drive you back, your dad is going to get worried."

I shook my head "No, no, no. First you tell me what's bothering me."

"Me ? Nothing. Shall we go ?" He went to stand up, but I pounced on him, pinning him to the couch.

"Not before you tell me what the matter is."

"I spent two fucking hours preparing you dinner, and you say I stole someone else's credit. Now get off me, I'm taking you home." He freed his arms by slipping them swiftly from my grasp, took hold of me by my waist, and literally lifted me off him. I hated that he could do that. I also hated myself for not realizing. But seriously, was it that big of a deal ?

Emmett went to grab his car keys, but I put myself between him and them. "Em', I'm sorry, I didn't realize, but come on, it's not a big deal, is it ?"

He looked at me with some kind of sadness I couldn't place "No, I guess it doesn't. From now on I'll buy from the cheap Chinese takeaway, or better yet, I'll stick you a cold pizza and some coke under the nose at every meal. Now let's go."

I felt like he was punching my chest. Not only was he serious about kicking me out, but I just understood what he meant. This was about me not realizing the effort he put into making me happy. This was about me being an ungrateful brat.

"Em', I didn't mean to be ungrateful ..." I didn't know how to say it, how to express it, how to tell him what I needed to say.

"Yeah well, whether you meant it or not, you ruined the mood for me, so I'm taking you home. Now get in the car, I want to be alone as soon as possible." My dad used to say 'know when you're beaten'. Well, right now I thought arguing or even apologizing would only make things worse. So I followed, docile, and we rode home in a very tense silence.

Emmett was driving fast, as though he couldn't wait to get rid of me, looking straight forward, refusing to turn to me. Ok, now I was thinking he exaggerated again...

We arrived after a silent ride, and Emmett sighed, before finally turning to look at me. I wasn't about to let things like this, so I quickly left the car, ran to Emmett's side and opened his car door. He stepped out.

"Emmett, I'm sorry. I understand I messed up, I understand I ruined the evening. Will you please forgive me ?"

His face broke into a small smile "Of course, it would take a lot not to forgive you. Particularly when you look at me with those puppy eyes. I know I overreact sometimes, I'm sorry too. It's just ..." He shrugged.

My turn to smile "I know, you spent your day taking care of me, and then I ruined it. I'll make it up to you, I swear." I pressed a delicate kiss to his cold lips before adding "Forgiven ?"

He smiled "Yes, of course, there's not even anything _to _forgive. Don't worry, I might be a bit insecure at times ..."

I grinned "Well, you're not the one who completely humiliated himself cumming in another ten seconds. Besides, I'm not the only one who is going to have to get used to this. I usually do everything myself, I'm not used to people doing stuff for me, cooking for me, taking care like you do ..."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to make do with a few bumps on the road to happiness, hey ?"

"Just promise me to be honest, as long as we talk everything out and we don't hide anything, we'll be just fine."

Emmett quirked an eyebrow "So you don't have any deep dark secrets ? Any jealous lovers I should know about ?"

I snorted "Me ? I'm the jealous lover, remember ?"

He chuckled "Oh yeah, you're lover boy, I almost forgot. Jeez' did Ed' annoy us complaining about you ..."

I tilted my head "Well, now I think I understand why ..."

"By the way, how is Paul ? He told me he had feelings for you, remember ?"

Shoot. That was a month ago, before he went comatose ... I really did not want Emmett to know about that, he would get all protective on me, which would not be fun. He already treated me like a girl enough as it was.

"Don't worry about him, I got that covered."

Emmett nodded "Good, then I don't have to worry about that."

He kissed me goodbye and left. I felt a twinge of guilt at seeing how easily Emmett trusted me, but it was quickly swept away with my brain turning in mode 'scheming to make it up for my Imprint'.

* * *

It took me about a week to come up with something that I deemed worthy enough to make it up to Emmett. That night after I came home I had mulled it over, and realized that it wasn't so much the fact that I had insulted Emmett with his cooking, but that I really ruined the whole date for him.

I found out from Alice that he had spent the night planning the whole afternoon. First he had made sure that we would be alone all day – and night, then he had rented a truck to buy everything we would need for the cabin. Because the hardware store opened too late, he didn't have to stop by before school, which is why he did that while I was there. He had also come out to the entire school to show me how much he cared; and the night culminated on him giving me one of the happiest days of my life, before I went and ruined the whole ambiance. Another thing I learnt, from Bella this time – it made me wonder if I was the only one who didn't know these things – was that all this was also Emmett's way of thanking me for staying with him the whole time he slept, and begging for forgiveness for his rash actions.

So he might have downplayed it afterwards, but I knew that it was more of a big deal to him than he wanted me to take the blame for. Ever the knight in shining armour it seemed...

Anyway, for one I owed him for everything he did, and secondly I had to make it up to him after ruining the night. Hence my scheming.

I had come up with about a dozen plans, but each seemed paler than the previous one, particularly compared to everything Emmett did. I thought about bowling, cinema, trip to Seattle, restaurant, WWE finals, borrowing Quil Senior's sailboat. All seemed much too impersonal compared to the love Emmett poured into his ideas.

The restaurant was out of the question, particularly after I found out Emmett had also prepared a French chocolate mousse that night – which I got to taste the following day, and was definitely the best desert I had ever tasted. And anyway, it wasn't like he could actually enjoy it. WWE finals would have been fun, but I wasn't looking for fun. Same went for cinema, bowling and trip to Seattle. The outing on the sailboat would have been brilliant, except I had no idea how to sail that kind of thing, so it kind of defeated the point.

Well, like I said, it took me a week, but I figured something out.

Valentine's Day.

I had never really celebrated that before, but then again, I had never really dated anyone before. So I managed to clear dad out of the house – I would have loved to do it in the cabin, but that would take a few month to complete.

I bought massage oil, hoping Emmett would let me take care of him like I did him. I also bought a film we could watch – the 1984 adaption of _1984_, hoping he either hadn't seen it or liked it as much as the book. Finally, I was able to acquire something which I hoped would really please Emmett. Thankfully I didn't have to worry about food, because that would have been hilariously ridiculous.

I thought about all this about one week in advance, and it took me about one week to find the film, so it was close but I managed to get my hands on it after a horrendous trip to Seattle to find it. I think Emmett suspected something, because I got more and more tense as the day approached, and I started panicking when I couldn't find the film; but in the end everything worked out fine.

I had made sure Emmett was free the moment I thought about the idea – it was Valentine's Day and I expected him to keep it free for me, but knowing him he would probably have planned something. Anyway, he didn't seem to register I was asking him over on Valentine's Day, simply nodding with a smile.

Alice told me afterwards that Emmett was disappointed to have to share me with my dad for Valentine's Day, so he did make the connection, but probably didn't want to ruin my efforts. Well, I decided to surprise him with the fact that we would be alone. I was hoping I would be able to surprise him and make of that date a night to remember.

About two weeks passed between the disaster night and the planned night. We quickly adopted a comfortable routine: either he would pick me up or I would him, we would go to school, both giving each other some air during the day to avoid getting bored of each other – not that I thought it would ever happen, but it was still nice to socialize outside the Cullens and the pack – after what we would drive straight back to the mansion and slowly work on the cabin, under a large canvas to keep everything dry.

We didn't hurry the construction. Both of us liked to work with our hands, and we both enjoyed the manual distraction. We would talk while we worked, joke, fool around, run into the woods when we needed a break, Emmett would make me dinner every single night, surprising me every single time with his incredible cooking skills. He admitted once that he loved being able to cook once again, and that he had someone who could appreciate whatever he made.

All in all, those were the two best weeks of my life, I couldn't remember ever being this happy. So I slowly felt the pressure rise when our big date approached. Not only did I want to make everything more than perfect, but I also didn't want to ruin – again – the perfect situation we had at the moment.

I had invited Emmett over at eight that night. For the occasion, I had taken out a dark red shirt that looked a bit schoolboy-ish on me, but it was the best I had. I only had formal black pants, other than jeans or shorts, so that's what I picked, and I elected to stay barefoot – I reasoned that the less clothes the better. I was convinced that if I made this good enough, Emmett would let me coax him into stripping him this time. And if he didn't want to I'd just have to wait until he was ready; but that didn't mean I couldn't try or help him get comfortable.

Someone knocked.

I froze.

My heart started pumping for dear life, and I strode towards the door. I bet he could hear my heart thud from behind the door...

I opened the door, tapping my foot nervously on the floor, and found an Emmett sporting a shiny grin in front of me. I moved to let him in, and he entered, neither kissing or hugging me – after all, he did think my dad was supposed to be there with us. We both made a point of never showing affection in front of either my dad or his family. He told me that Jasper and Carlisle weren't extremely comfortable with PDA, so we kept it for bedrooms and in general whenever we weren't at home.

"So, I can only hear one heartbeat ..." He trailed off uncertainly – or was it hopefully ?

I tried to keep my face straight, I really did, but my excitement got the better of me when I said "Well, that's because there's only one heart beating for you in here ..."

"Cheesy ! So does that mean your dad ISN'T here ?"

I nodded, still grinning.

Emmett's eyes widened before he smirked "Oh, I like that, I like that a lot !" He kissed me and tried to deepen the kiss, but I didn't let him. I had plans and I wouldn't deviate from them. My heart was still hammering, a deafening noise to my ears.

"Hey Jake, it's just me, calm down !" Emmett grabbed both my shoulders, gave me a reassuring smile and my heartbeat calmed somewhat.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Why ? No need to be..."

I shrugged "I want to make this good."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be. So what's on the menu ?" Emmett asked, sliding an arm around my shoulders, moulding his hip against mine.

"I thought we could watch a movie ..."

He nodded half-heartedly and I led him to the living room. I heard him gasp and I grinned foolishly – I had re-decorated the living room: candles, comfy couch, dozens of pillows and heavy quilts. The movie was already in the player, and I only had to direct Emmett to the couch, sit him down, and turn the movie on. I sat in a corner of the couch, my legs swung in the length of the couch, and I forced Emmett between my legs, so he would lie on top of me. It wasn't ideal in case I got hard, but it would have to do.

I was planning on trying to coax him into a massage during the film, so again my heart started beating strongly while we cuddled against each other. I pressed 'PLAY' and the movie opened with the relatively famous quote:

"WHO CONTROLS THE PAST CONTROLS THE FUTURE

WHO CONTROLS THE PRESENT CONTROLS THE PAST"

At which point Emmett jumped up from where he had laid his head on my chest and asked "It's been adapted in a movie ?!"

Delighted that he didn't even know it existed I aimed for humility "Yup !" while pressing 'PAUSE'

He squinted "You thought about it."

Again "Yup !"

"Did I mention I love you ?"

I smiled, tightened my arms against him, and pulled him down against my chest. I was in the ideal position to start massaging him ... But I would let him watch the movie ... A bit ...

After about five minutes in, I suddenly remembered I had one last surprise for him, and I wasn't able to stop myself from swearing "Shoot !"

He grabbed the remote and pressed 'PAUSE' before anything else "What ?" He turned and looked up to me, worried.

I shook my head "I just forgot, I've got something for you. Sit up just a sec !" I dashed to the kitchen, rummaged in the tiny fridge and pulled out what I needed.

I ran back and jumped back on to the couch, charged with two bottles, a glass and a teacup. Emmett frowned, but I didn't take notice, I simply opened the coke bottle, served myself a glass, before uncorking the second bottle and pouring a generous glass into the teacup.

"Is that ... ?" Emmett asked, still frowning.

"Something you'll like." I handed him the glass, which he took cautiously, before throwing me an uneasy glance and taking a deep breath.

His face was blank "This is blood." To which I only nodded. Could I have gotten it wrong ? I thought he would appreciate it ...

I noticed a thick, clear liquid drip from his discreet fangs when he spoke up "Jake, what is this really ?"

"Like I said, it's blood. I thought you'd like it ..." I tried to explain, hoping he wasn't mistaking my intent.

He frowned "It's not human blood, is it ?"

I scrunched my face up in disgust as I realized what he was getting at: he didn't want to stray from his regime, hence the question. "No, no, it's bear blood, I killed one myself, before bleeding him dry and eating the rest up."

His eyes widened fractionally "Serious ?"

Ok, now I knew how it felt not to have efforts taken seriously. It felt utterly miserable. "Yes."

His face slowly broke into a smile "I can't believe you did that for me. I can't believe you thought about killing a bear, I can't believe you went through the gruesome task of collecting his blood, and I can't believe you did all that for me." He took a cautious sip, before moaning shortly and emptying the cup.

In case you are wondering, I didn't give him a glass to avoid having to actually see him drink blood.

I chuckled at his new found thirst "I collected about seven litres pf blood, which are safely stored in the freezer, so you can have as much as you want !"

"God Jake, this is by far the best Valentine I've ever had." This warmed my heart and brought a lone tear to my eyes. Emmett smiled lovingly, brought a thumb to stroke my cheek before adoringly wiping the tear away.

We stared at each other, our stares filled with love, or like Mary Poppins would say, our small cups of joy overfilling.

After a minute, I turned away, filled both our glasses again, and pressed 'PLAY'


	26. Successful Gamble

**_"Try something new each day. After all, we're given [life] to find out, and it doesn't last forever."_**

- Maude_, Harold and Maude_

A/N : Thanks to elf' and zac' for the double beta !

**Warning : M/M lemons**

* * *

**Chapter XXVI : SUCCESSFUL GAMBLE**

* * *

We must have been about halfway through the film. Emmett was totally entranced in it, and I couldn't even express how happy I was that I had been able to pick that perfectly ! After all, after about eighty years watching films, it couldn't be easy to find a film he would really be into. Not THIS much anyway.

I took hold of his muscular shoulders and slowly started kneading them with slow powerful strokes. I felt the last of his muscles relax as I massaged the slightest trace of tension out of him. I didn't relent for one second, slowly relaxing him, chasing away his insecurity, fears, anxiousness.

Soon I noticed Emmett closed his eyes, and he looked as peaceful as he had been when he was in boxers on that bed, lying comatose before me. Except this time he was very much awake, alive, and it was my doing.

I felt my heart pounding again, and my cock stir. Should I push now ? Wait a bit ? Fuck I had no idea ... If I tried too early he would just push me away again, and if I tried too late he would be in that furred half-awake state. I kept at it for a second, until I noticed he stopped breathing altogether. I knew he didn't need to, I knew he kept it up to pretend being human, but it was fucking weird to see him not breath. =

I quickly realized he simply had lost all control and focus, so I made my move. One hand slipped under his V-neck shirt while the other massaged his neck. The sneaky hand stroked his cold pectoral. He stirred but didn't betray any sign that this was bothering him, so I continued.

I got adventurous, I brushed his nipple. That jolted him awake, and I instantly regretted doing that. The line was thin between massage and erotic foreplay. Nipple was foreplay. Shoot. Rookie mistake.

But I was able to coax him back against me, and although I felt he remained tense, at least he didn't complain or stand up. After a while though, it was either having him slumber on me or pushing.

So I pushed "Emmett, wouldn't you let me take your shirt off ?"

For a few seconds he didn't answer, but I kept kneading his shoulders, hoping he would agree. Thankfully he nodded, lifted his heavy torso and slipped his T-shirt off. My heart was covering every other sound again.

"Why don't you lie down in bed ? You'd be more comfortable ?"

This time it wasn't as easy "Jake ..."

"Em', please, trust me, please."

He turned to face me, gauged me for a while, closed his eyes, sighed, and said "Ok."

He stood up awkwardly, and I jumped up behind him, trying not to seem too eager. We went to my bedroom, where he slumped on the bed, burying his arms under a pillow and his face in the pillow. His lack of enthusiasm was a bit off putting, but I wasn't about to let that hinder me. More than two weeks I had waited for this. God dammit, I would make him trust me !

I grabbed the bottle of oil and hesitated for a second. Straddle him or not ? I decided it was quit or double, and I straddled him not too gently, eager to get going. I slipped my shirt off.

He didn't move a muscle, so I just got crakin' ! I poured oil on my hands, warmed it up – which took about a second – and started with his shoulders once again. I did my best to massage the oil into his skin like I had read on that website about massaging, but that damn skin of his wouldn't let me. So I gave up quickly, instead moving down to his shoulder blades, kneading the soft skin there. I massaged on and on, but Emmett didn't move or make so much as a sound. Had he not been a vampire I would have wondered whether he was still alive ...

I ploughed on courageously, until the awkward moment when I got down to his waist band, and I still hadn't managed to get any kind of reaction from him. I hadn't planned this far ahead. What now ? Should I just move back up, ask him to turn around, ask if I could take his pants off ? Scratch that last one. Giving up wasn't an option either. I wasn't about to massage him all night to have him leave in the morning.

Aka, I should push "Want to turn around ?"

He groaned, but turned around. Too late did I think about the fact that he would smear oil all over my bed. Next dilemma – straddle his groin or not ?

Definitely not. Now I was stuck. Fuck.

"Jake, I'm sorry, I'm fucking this up ..." Emmett shot me an apologetic look before staring at the ceiling. I didn't know what to answer to that. In a way he was, but it wasn't his fault and I would never blame him for it. The last thing I wanted was to push him when clearly he wasn't ready, so I waited, feeling worse with every second that passed, at a loss for something, anything to do.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said "Jake, will you massage my front too ?"

My heart fluttered and I quickly straddled his thighs, before leaning over him, pouring oil on his pectorals and smearing it with my hands. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. I caressed his pectorals, making sure to brush his nipples with my thumbs every so often. Slowly, my hands moved down to his 6-pack, smearing the oil all over him. I kneaded them too, though they were so hard it quickly made my arms burn.

Instead I decided to make large movements, stroking his perfect cold skin, slowly moving up to his shoulders, then down to his abs again. Each time I moved up to his shoulders it made me lean on him, smearing myself with oil, brushing my hard cock with his groin. I couldn't tell whether he was hard or not, but I could only hope he was. He still didn't make any noise, but at least he seemed completely relaxed. He wasn't breathing either, but I didn't know what that meant.

I kept this on for a little while, until I could no longer wait. While one hand continued to smear the oil, the other one travelling south, as it were. I let it brush against his groin, and that coaxed a reaction out of him. He opened his eyes and looked at me cautiously. I didn't pay him any attention though, I simply continued to brush him there while the other hand started rubbing on his meaty nipples.

When I let my whole palm outline his hardening cock though, he started panting, but I still had no idea whether or not that was a good thing. After a minute or so, I got adventurous, and I unbuttoned his jeans before slowly unzipping them. I un-straddled him.

"Jake, wait !" Too late, I pulled his jeans down, leaving him in white Calvin Klein boxers. I had a view of his semi-hard cock, stretching against the fabric. I did my best not to gasp at the size, I was average in length but quite thick. Emmett on the other hand, was well above average in length, and almost as thick as me. And he wasn't even fully hard. Of course he would be well endowed, Emmett was perfect after all.

"Trust me, Emmett, you're going to enjoy this, I swear."

He sighed, closed his eyes, clamped his jaw and mumbled "ok ..."

I didn't need to be told twice, I slipped his boxers off, leaving him naked in his awe-inspiring beauty. His head was now resting on his arms, revealing his impressively muscular armpits, his knees were slightly bent inwards and his legs barely parted.

"Em', you're perfect ..."

He was breathing hard, I thought that meant he wasn't comfortable, so I set about to comfort him: I stripped naked, trying not to blush at my blatant erection, feeling pale in comparison with how muscular and handsome he was. Nonetheless, I lay literally on him, letting my hardness and his semi brush, before pulling his arms out, stretching them as much as possible on my tiny bed, threading my fingers on his, before tilting my head and plucking his lips in a gentle kiss.

I felt him slowly harden, before he hooked his legs around my thighs, gripped my hands firmly in his and deepened the kiss. All the tension left my shoulders: I had been able to get him past his issues.

I untangled myself from him and kissed his jaw. I travelled south slowly, pressing my searing hot lips on his icy cold skin. His chin I suckled on, grazing with my teeth. His jaw I licked, sucking on it. His collarbone too I licked seductively, tracing both of them with my tongue.

His pectorals I simply kissed before sticking my tongue out and outlining the entrancing form of his nipples. Each I took into my mouth, sucking, before releasing and pressing a delicate kiss. Still Emmett was silent. Still I carried on.

I pressed a kiss between his two nipples. I travelled lowered and pressed another, and another, and another. His happy trail I licked, before my chin hit his cock, which twitched.

I stroked his sac with one hand, while I had to ball the other one to avoid playing with myself. I was finally able to draw out a reaction from him: he moaned.

I didn't want to take it too slowly, fearing he might back out, so I went for the kill, I grabbed the base of his cock with one hand, took a gentle hold of his balls with the other and tentatively licked his cockhead. His hands fell to his sides, starting to fist my sheets gently.

I took a deep breath, saw all my fantasies before me and plunged on his cock. Immediately I spurted and gagged, quickly backing off.

Emmett hummed, which served to wipe my humiliating failed first attempt away.

I tried again, this time much slower. I started by kissing the cockhead, before gradually opening my mouth as wide as possible and descending on the icy cock. Once I felt I couldn't take more in, I closed my lips around it and sucked experimentally.

"Wow fuck !" Emmett bellowed, bucking wildly, which make me gag again. I sat up, coughing and feeling tears fill my eyes. Ugh, those porn films make it look so much easier ...

I tried again, and this time I held Emmett's hips, which made me gag only mildly when he bucked.

It was perfectly imperfect. I sucked as best I could, filling all my dreams, feeling my cock leak between my legs. Emmett swore and fisted my sheets wildly, until he pierced a hole in them. The whole world was gone, it was only Emmett and me, we were alone, in love, and happy. He came with a loud grunt, and I quickly pulled away, not even dreaming about swallowing his cum, jerking him off instead.

I was so hard I thought I would explode ! But I didn't want to jerk myself off like an old pervert, so I ground my teeth and hoped Emmett would help me. The help didn't come in the form I hoped it would, but it came nonetheless. And I came too ...

Emmett raised his foot and squeezed my sac lightly, before grabbing my dick between two of his toes, and jerked me once, which did it.

"FUUUUCK !" I yelled as I came all over him and my bed.

As soon as I had collected my breath, I went to lie beside him, but he jumped out of bed and pulled his clothes on swiftly, smearing himself with his own cum. I watched sadly, but didn't comment; we had done much more than I hoped we would, and it was already a great improvement.

Once he had his jeans and T-shirt on, Emmett came to lie against my still naked body.

"Sorry, I'm just not very comfortable yet ..."

I nodded reassuringly, but then another thought came to bugger me "Did you like it ?" I could imagine Rose must be quite the expert ... My job must have seemed pitiful in comparison ... Fuck, I really didn't think of that before !

"God, your hands, Jake, I've never felt anything like it, they're all warm and strong, it felt fucking perfect."

I smiled, not noticing he hadn't commented on my .. other .. job. I was simply cold and happy against Emmett. I was extremely happy with how the day had turned out. I fell asleep in under a minute.

* * *

I woke up, my mouth feeling furry. The first thing I noticed was that I was still naked, but under a cover. The second was that I was alone. I immediately sat up, the wolf in me howling at the absence of my Imprint. Why wasn't he here ? The worse scenarios immediately popped to mind, but I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he hadn't liked the evening ...

"JAKE ?" Dad yelled "YOU UP YET ?" I looked at the clock, 1 PM, good thing it was a Saturday !

I jumped into a pair of cargo shorts, slipped on a shirt and jogged to the kitchen, not feeling so well.

"Hum ... Have you seen Emmett ?"

Dad had prepared lunch and was eating slowly. A mountain of food was on a table clearly intended for me. I sat opposite to him and waited for an answer.

"Well, hello to you too. Yes, I did, when I came home late last night he was sitting in the living room, looking very bored. He said he didn't want to intrude as soon as I appeared and he slipped away, why, didn't you enjoy your night ?"

"I did, I'm just not sure Emmett did ..."

Dad frowned "Why ?"

I shrugged "I'm not very experienced ..."

Dad's eyes widened and he said "DADT, Jake."

"Uh ?"

"DADT, Don't Ask Don't Tell, that's the official position of the military about homosexuality."

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, he didn't talk much, and then I fell asleep ..."

"You fell asleep ?!"

"Yes, I was tired, and I had stressed myself preparing that night, so when I relaxed I guess I just fell asleep ..."

Dad rolled his eyes "Jake, I know it can't be easy with one of ... them, but maybe next time you should make sure he's alright before you fall asleep."

I shrugged half-heartedly. I needed to talk to Emmett. Right away.

"I need to go." I said before sprinting out, stripping, tying my shorts and shirt to my ankles, and shifting. I ran as fast as I could. There was something weird I couldn't understand. It was like Emmett and I were drifting apart ... I don't know how to explain it; we had been in perfect symbiosis, and now it felt ... wrong.

I arrived at the mansion, shifted back, put on my clothes and went to the door, only to hear.

"Jake ! I'm behind the house !" I jogged to the place where the cabin was slowly taking form. Emmett had bought two comfy chairs we used when I needed to rest. He was sitting there, looking in deep thoughts. I strode to him, before standing there, awkwardly, not knowing what to do with myself. Emmett hadn't jumped up to hug me like he usually did ... My heart started beating loudly. What was the problem ?

Emmett patted the second chair, and I sat down. "What's up ?" He asked.

I raised an eyebrow "You left." I said, thinking it was obvious why I was here.

He grimaced "Yes, I'm sorry, but your dad appeared, and considering how he treated me last time around, I thought it'd be prudent to leave."

I frowned. Something was wrong "Why didn't you stay in bed with me like you usually do ?"

"I needed to think."

"About ?" It felt like pulling the truth out of his nose. I hated every moment of it.

"I didn't know how I felt about what we did, and I can't think straight when you're lying naked next to me." Emmett flashed me his trademark grin, but it did nothing to ease my fears. I simply waited for him to carry on, hoping he'd deliver the result of his thinking, and that it'd be to my liking.

He stood up and came to kneel at my feet, taking my hands in his. I had a bad feeling ...

"I loved every minute of last night, and I realized how stupid I have been lately. I'm sorry for putting you through my stupidity two weeks ago and last night. I don't know what happened, but sometimes during the night I realized all I cared was that you were happy, and I know you're not." He gulped, before adding "So I wanted to formally ask you to excuse me for my behaviour, Jake."

My heart fluttered and I stood up, pulling him up with me. No reason to worry.

"You scared me there for a minute, Em' ..."

"I know, I'm sorry." I hugged him tightly, burying my head in the crook of his neck.

"By the way, we really need to finish this cabin, I really would prefer not having your dad walk in like that ... I had cum all over me, it was so fucking embarrassing !" He added.

I chuckled "Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't think he'd come back so early. I also didn't plan on falling asleep, I'm sorry about that..."

"It's natural, Jake, you can't not fall asleep !"

I groaned "That doesn't mean I could have made sure you were alright before ... At the very least !"

"Well, now I am. Oh, and I finished that bottle and threw it away before you dad came home, I wasn't sure he knew about your experiments, so I erased all traces in case ..."

"Oh god, thanks, he'd have killed me. He isn't tall enough to reach the freezer, but everything went out of my head last night ..."

Emmett chuckled "So how about we get to a round two ? You have no idea what your hot mouth does to me, I had never had to fight so hard not to cum in two seconds !"


	27. Bottled up & Bottle downed

_**"You think all this can last ? There is a storm coming [Jacob], you and your friends better close down the hatches, 'cause when it hits you're all going to wonder how you could spend so much and leave so little for the rest of us."**_

- Catwoman, _The Dark Knight Rises_

A/N : Thanks to elf and zac for the double beta !

**Warning : Mentions of sex.**

* * *

**Chapter XXVII : BOTTLED UP AND BOTTLE DOWNED**

* * *

One month had gone by since that peculiar Valentine's Day. Things were looking up, yet I still found myself unable to be entirely happy. Well, I was happy, but I felt it could be even better.

Someone wiser than me would have argued that it was always possible to be happier, and that I should be ecstatic with everything I already had. But like I said, that would have been for someone wiser than me.

Since that day, Emmett had slowly gotten used to the idea of being naked with a guy, to the idea of being touched by a guy, a guy who wasn't Rosalie.

After school, each day, we would go to the mansion and slowly add to the cabin. We had the walls and roof up by now. It had been deceptively easy, almost like a puzzle. Emmett had bought one of those easily built cabins. All we had to do was mount trunks of wood one on to the other, sealing them with a nail.

Of course, Emmett could probably have built the whole thing in a day if he wanted, but that wasn't the point. We went at it slowly, making sure everything was perfect. He wasn't using his inhuman speed, but we did make good use of both our strengths.

In theory warmth and isolation wasn't an issue, seeing as I was a radiator all to myself, and he couldn't actually feel cold, but we made sure the walls were sufficiently insulated anyway. Between each trunk we added some kind of insulating Emmett had bought.

After each trunk was hammered down, we would paint the wood to ensure its protection against the elements. We painted two layers of that protecting oil, but we had two wait after each layer until it dried. As a consequence, we didn't manage more than one truck to each wall every day, slightly more on week ends. During the whole time we chatted, joked.

The roof took us much longer to build, it wasn't a simple matter of adding blocks one of another, it required a certain amount of coordination. The four walls were rectangular, but on two opposite walls we added a triangle, so as to obtain a tilted roof, rather than a horizontal one.

We added a heavy beam, that rested on the top of the triangles. That beam we secured tightly with numerous heavy, long and strong nails. That alone took us an entire day, we were each standing on a ladder, while we used ropes to heave the beam, before fastening it.

The roof was a bit of a quandary, Emmett hesitated between using planks or trunks for the roof. Trunks posed a clear problem of leakage, while planks wouldn't be able to withstand the weight of snow that would undoubtedly fall again next year. In the end, we decided on both.

Still protected by the canvas above our head, we started by nailing plywood to the beam and the lower walls – the ones without the triangle resting on them. We nailed them partly on top of each other to avoid leaving any loophole between the planks. Again, we painted them with oil – two layers, before adding insulating wherever water could have the slightest chance of seeping through, or where warmth could leak.

We then went inside the cabin, and stapled glass wool under the plywood, and to the walls, to perfect the thermal isolation. We nailed plywood over the glass wool on the walls, to make sure the cabin looked good, too.

All this we built on a special flooring we had prepared. First we had dug into the soft soil. When we had a hole the size of the cabin and half a meter deep, we set down concrete blocks at the bottom of the hole, leaving a few centimetres between each. According to Emmett, this would avoid any humidity damage to the wooden flooring.

After that, we painted plywood with his oil, to protect it from water damage. We then laid down a black canvas pierced by a few holes over the concrete blocks, before laying the painted plywood planks over it. When that was done, we stapled glass wool on to the plywood, before nailing a wooden flooring to it. Somehow Emmett had calculated it all so the wooden flooring was on the same level as the ground. The wooden flooring we had planed using a power tool, to make sure no one would hurt themselves walking on it.

Doing all that took us a month and a half. Now the entire thing started to look really awesome; apart from the roof, it was all made of wood, a light brown plywood on the walls. At first I had worried that plywood wouldn't hold – that it would be all wobbly – but we nailed it firmly to the wood underneath, making sure it didn't move a single inch.

Today we had started to finish the roof. Slowly, we added trunks on to the plywood that was already on the roof, nailing them one by one. The plan was then to add plywood under the glass wool on the roof, and nail it to the trunks above. We would then have a first layer of plywood, a layer of glass wool, a second layer of plywood and trunks as roof.

Adding the trunks took ages, it was easy enough to nail the trunks to the walls, but nailing them to the beam was an entirely different matter. We realized afterwards that we should have prepared first one side of the roof, leaving the other one open, to make it easier. Since taking one part of the roof away wasn't an option, we made do. We decided Emmett was lighter than me – or at least less clumsy, so he was the one tasked with climbing on to the beam and nailing the first trunks.

Once the first trunks were nailed, it got easier, all we had to do was climb on the strong trunks, and nail the next ones from there. The second side of the roof was easy enough too, seeing as wa could use the completed side of the roof.

For a moment there I thought the whole cabin would fall down like a house of cards when Emmett climbed onto the beam, but it held firm, creaking a bit, but it held firm nonetheless.

Anyway, I was home after an afternoon spent with Emmett. We had nailed the first two trunks to the ceiling – it had taken us a good while to figure out how to do it. Like each time when I came home I felt spent, working on that cabin was much more tiring than it looked or sounded. But each time I came home I also felt delighted with the progress, with the time spent with Emmett, and I was on my little cloud high of happiness.

Soon, however, I was torn down from my little cloud. Emmett and I would usually run out into the forest for some ... _fun_, but today we didn't; we had been too busy raking our brains for a solution that didn't involve taking to pieces the roof. So naturally, once I invaded the shower, my brain was invaded with fantasies.

I was naked in the shower, and as had happened for the last two weeks, was the memory of me in the tub, held down by Emmett, while he toyed with me. As usual, my dick jumped up at the recollection, and as usual I shivered at the thought.

Why was I so turned on at the idea of submitting like that to Emmett ? I couldn't say I loved the thought of letting him having his way with me like that, but I was so fucking turned on ! Each time I thought about that time, I would be ready to blow my balls off.

And then, still like usual, came the best part. I slipped my hand down to my cock and toyed with myself. The other hand took another direction entirely. I remembered Emmett's cold finger slowly trail its way down from my special spot. The finger laced with the rather dense pubic hair I had down there.

My index slowly travelled south, tracing my spine before arriving at the crack. I remembered how Emmett's finger had curiously made its way down, experimenting, exploring. His finger had trailed down to my hole, before running lightly against it and disappearing. My warm finger did the same, but it was entirely different feeling – not cold and not Emmett. Nonetheless, I moaned.

My other hand took hold of my cock and started jerking furiously as my other hand slowly parted my cheeks, enjoying the feeling of the water that cascaded between them, of the air that seldom penetrated this area and chilled my hole.

My whole body started to shake as I was onslaught by feelings, the hand around my cock a blur as it sped me towards climax, while the finger circled my hole, before breaching it and –

"WOOOOW !" I bellowed as I came !

I leaned against the wall, pumping my cock until I hissed from the sensitivity. I was panting and reeling from the usual powerful orgasm. Each time it was exactly the same ... I let the warm water wash me off, while I collected my breath.

Emmett hadn't gotten anywhere near my arse again since that night. He loved rubbing my sweet spot, but he hadn't gone south, so to speak. We had done plenty of hand-jobs, blow-jobs. Emmett had wanted to try and blow me when I had come to visit him after Valentine. I had been delighted to see he wasn't a professional: not only did it mean it wasn't something he had ever done, but it also meant we both were rookies in certain domains.

Anyway, the point was, Emmett didn't seem in a hurry to get to my arse. I didn't know why I was so hell-bent on him fingering me, but I was. Then again, I was weirded out by myself: I could only hope I wasn't one of those gay sluts that couldn't have enough of butt fucking. I knew that most gay relations had a 'bottom' and a 'top', and it seemed I was bottom. But I didn't want to be the girl of the relationship. I wanted to be the guy !

So part of me was more turned on than ever by the idea of Emmett rubbing my hole like he had done, but another part of me hated the idea of him trying and me discovering I was a bottom. I was starting to fight myself and I didn't know what to do. My dad had brought me up to be a guy, a hunky, manly guy. Living on the res' only emphasized this – the pack was filled with guys oozing manliness and confidence.

But that was only part of the issue. The other problem was that I couldn't bring myself to ask Emmett to get adventurous. What if he didn't want to ? What if it weirded him out ? What if he tried but didn't like it ? What if it didn't turn him on ? And what if I didn't like it ? Or maybe worse, what if I loved it ?

I knew I wanted him to try, but I didn't want to ask for it – more than anything else, I didn't want to look like an eager bottom. I was partly irritated at him for not doing it spontaneously – wasn't that what all gays did ? Not that I had any idea...

I couldn't for the life of me imagine Emmett would bottom, but maybe he was waiting for me to ... to get adventurous ? No, I didn't think that was it. Maybe he just had no clue, maybe, unlike me, he hadn't spent hours roaming the internet, looking for gay porn and advice. He probably hadn't, I couldn't see Emmett looking for porn.

Anyway, I was saying: I was irritated at Emmett, but I knew I couldn't possibly be irritated at him for that, so I felt guilty for feeling irritated. On the other hand, I was irritated at myself for being so indecisive, for not having the balls to ask him, and for being a potential bottom. On top of all that, I was irritated at not being able to enjoy the present, instead of reverting to overanalysing and asking too many questions.

This situation felt like a mess. I had promised I would be honest from now on, so in addition of not telling him about Paul, I was now concealing this – there was no way I would be able to bring myself to question him about this. This only helped to make me feel bad, I hated having stuff that I couldn't tell him – or rather wouldn't in this case.

I had come close to telling him about Paul a few times. I received a regular flow of texts from the guy, he had stopped by the house a few times, didn't miss an occasion to ogle my naked body whenever the pack shifted together, or would often 'accidentally' brush my groin or arse. I couldn't bring myself to do more than growl. I remembered how it felt to love Emmett while he didn't love me back, it would have killed me if Emmett had rejected me like I did Paul. He was supposed to be my friend, my pack mate...

No one knew about this, I hadn't told anyone. Partly because I was frustrated at not being able to deal with Paul myself, but also because I didn't want to bring shame on my fellow shifter. The result was that I did my best to ignore him.

Like I was saying, I almost told Emmett about Paul. I knew he had an overprotective streak, but I also knew my Imprint did everything he could to please me. I was fairly certain that I would only have to demand he left Paul to me, but I was only fairly certain, that wasn't enough. Not only could this affair blow out of proportion, start a war between the pack and the coven, forcing me to turn against my pack mates, but I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me.

I had complained once about Emmett being smothering, and he had immediately backed off, giving me some air and improving his behaviour drastically. That only proved how much he loved me and how wrong I was not to tell him. But the thing was, the longer I waited, the more difficult it was. How could I tell him that Paul had been trying to molest me for almost two months ?!

I was being selfish. I knew I would be able to handle Emmett if it came down to it, I knew I could prevent him from doing anything stupid, he loved me too much not to listen to me. But I was selfish, I didn't want to disappoint him, I didn't want him to discover I had been hiding something like that for a good while. We had sworn total honesty. He still hadn't told me about his past, but I had never asked: I felt like if I could have my secrets, I had no right asking about his.

I was feeling too much, questioning too much, hiding too much. I was angry at myself for all these reasons, but couldn't tell anyone without outing me about something. In any case, I felt Emmett would hate me if he discovered I had been hiding so much when he had addressed every issue immediately. Each time he was unsure, he had told me, asked me, and we had discussed it. I knew how hard it was to bring oneself to discuss insecurities, yet he succeeded where I miserably failed.

So what could I do ? I would have talked to someone exterior, but I didn't have anyone exterior. Sure, there was dad, Bella, and a few highschool friends. But how could I talk to dad or Bella about sex ? How could I talk to my friends about gay sex with Emmett ? I couldn't talk to any of the Cullens, who were much too close to Emmett and whom I didn't fully trust. I couldn't talk to any of the pack obviously – either it would lead to Paul suffering or them being weirded out.

So I kept it all bottled up, which I knew was a terrible idea.

Tonight was bonfire night with the pack and the Quileutes who wanted to come. Usually Emmett would come – and we would sneak off into the forest. Usually it would be a highlight of the month, all the people I loved around me, joking, laughing and have an awesome time. Usually it would lead to the regular mind blowing sex with Emmett.

But this time Emmett couldn't come, and I didn't know if I even wanted to come. Of course, the imprint would prevent me from saying I didn't want him there, but my human side still had a mind of its own. Anyway, Emmett was in Seattle with the rest of the Cullens, celebrating Esme and Edward's 'birthday', or rather 're-birthday'.

So I went to the bonfire, and I was delighted to learn that there were no adults. I would get totally wasted – it had been a while since I had wanted to. I usually didn't drink; not only did that not appeal to me, but Emmett didn't want to swallow his venom to get drunk either. So I had been drunk exactly twice, both times I had deeply regretted it in the morning and sworn never to repeat performance.

But now I only wanted to stop thinking, to stop analysing, so I went to drink.

* * *

I arrived at the bonfire to find that the majority of the pack was there, laughing hard around the blazing fire. Most of them had either their imprints or their loved ones with them. Two didn't: Paul and me.

Since talking to Paul was out of the question, I steeled myself at the prospect of having to play third wheel – it was that or go home. I made a bee-line for the ice box, where I knew all kinds of stuff could be found.

It didn't take much to get me in that sweet state where you felt like being on a little cloud. A few beers did the trick. I wouldn't be drunk for long – my metabolism didn't allow it – but since I never drank it was easy enough to be affected by the substance.

No matter how much I drank though, I wasn't able to enjoy myself. I was fucking bored ! At first I was aware of Paul sending me nervous glances, but after a while I took out my iPod, plugged in the earpieces and set the volume to maximum. That plus the alcohol were enough to ignore Paul.

I started on shots of Tequila.

One.

Two.

Three.

By then I was sitting, rocking lightly on my arse, listening to a random music.

"Want another beer ?" Paul was handing me an opened bottle of beer. I took it and downed it.

By then I was feeling droozy. Couldn't think straight.

"You don't look so well, want me to take you home ?"

What ?

Oh.

He wanted to take me home.

Who ?

Oh.

Paul.

What was that voice that was whining in my head ?

Mmh...

No clue.

Maybe I needed to stop drinking.

I didn't feel so good ...

"Sure."

Paul grabbed me under the arm and hauled me up. We staggered back home, me using him as a crutch.


	28. Uncharted Waters

**_"Love. A dreadful bond. And yet, so easily severed !"_**

- Davy Jones_, Pirates of the Caribbean _

A/N : I hope this answers some of your questions, Weave the Magic. Thanks for the double beta, elf and zack.

* * *

**Chapter XXVIII : UNCHARTED WATERS**

* * *

I was speeding to Seattle with the rest of my family. We had taken two cars, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme and I in one, while Alice, Jasper, Bella and Edward were in the other one. Bella always wondered why we used cars when we were much faster than cars – which I found was a very good question. Edward answered that for me; not everyone there was actually a vampire, and anyway, I had to admit it was much more comfortable – ever tried running in a suit ? And I couldn't imagine what it must be like running in high heals and a dress...

Carlisle was driving, Esme was sitting next to him, and I was sitting with Rosalie in the back. The beginning had been quite awkward between Rose and I; too many memories, too many habits that died hard, too many things had been said. But after two or three weeks we became good friends. I could talk to her about anything, and she couldn't care less if it was about sex with Jake or about the last book I was reading.

Well, she cared, but it didn't bother her, was what I was getting at.

"Emmett, you didn't have to come, you know ..." Esme had said that three times already. She knew I was trading a bonfire with Jake for her and Edward's birthday.

"Of course I had to, I'm not going to give up my family because I fell in love. He means the world to me, but I can be without him for an evening. Besides, I don't want to smother him, it does us both good to be apart from time to time."

The last month had been heaven with Jake. It was like my first months with Rosalie, pure happiness, until she got irritated with me for being so possessive and protective. I'd just have to see how that went with Jake ... He had already complained about it once, and I had done my best to give him some air. He didn't complain again, so I could only guess it was good enough ... for now.

The cabin was coming along nicely. We only had to finish the roof, and then we could start the furnishing. I was really looking forward to see it finished. I still had a few side projects, like cutting out a window or two, adding heating and stuff like that, but I wasn't in any kind of hurry.

What I was in a hurry for, however, was to ... break it in, to ... christen it. Sex with Jake was mind blowing, much better than Rosalie, or any of the others. Well, he wasn't anywhere near as skilled as Rose, but his hot mouth and warm fingers more than made up for it.

I couldn't for the life of me understand why now I was getting turned on by a dick, though. Maybe the imprint was affecting me somehow ?

Well, whatever it was, his manly form was much more appealing than Rose's feminine form. Although, I can't say I wasn't turned on by a hot chick, so I guess I was bi now, somehow ...

Anyway, the point was, sex with him was great. More and more though, I felt like an obsessive attraction to his hot little hole. It was quite new, but I kept myself strictly in check. Jake was the 'manly' type of guy, not girly at all, always getting irritated whenever I remotely treated him like a chick, so I didn't even think about doing anything with his arse. I could already see him yelling at me for thinking he was going to bottom. No, we had been on a little cloud, and I wasn't about to let myself fall now.

The other option was to let him fool around with my arse. That didn't appeal at all to me, though. I had tried sticking a finger up there in the shower a week ago, and I had shivered all over, my erection waning ridiculously fast... But we would probably never be satisfied with oral only, and it was probably a hundred times more exciting if it was Jake opening me up. I just had to get over my male shyness and bite into the lemon. Grow some balls ...

I shuddered. Yeah, and I also had to get over a few memories ...

And there was one thing I wasn't even mentioning here. I didn't trust myself completely... When I fucked Rose, I would get frenzied. Something that happens when male vampires are doing ... _that_, we can't stop ourselves, we could get quite aggressive, and being around blood only made things worse. I was scared out of my wits that I might bite Jacob, or hurt him in any way. I knew he was sturdy and stronger than your usual human, but who knew what could happen if I fucked him ?

Up until now, each time he got me excited, I made sure to keep my fangs far away from his delicious neck, but I didn't know how strong my resolve was, or how much pressure I could handle. Being around his cock wasn't a problem, as I wasn't focused on my own pleasure, but on his. No, the problem was when he was working on mine. For now I hadn't had the slightest problem, I had never felt like biting – probably due to his wolf status.

That was one thing, but what if I hurt him ? There were many ways I could hurt him even if I wasn't taken by the need to bite him – hopefully I never would, but I couldn't be sure. I could hurt him ... _up there_ ... If I let my fangs slip one millisecond I could hurt ... _whatever was in my mouth_. He would probably tell me 'to hell with the risks', but I wasn't sure I wanted to take those risks. But like I said, I hadn't had any problems whatsoever with all this yet, so I could hope it wouldn't be a problem later either. It was probably only my overprotective side that came up ... again.

I needed to make a choice: either I decide to let him bottom, or I try to push to make him bottom. And I didn't want to delay any more, I was afraid Jake would drift away if I wasn't meeting his requirements. I had lost a few girlfriends because of that bloody trait, so I needed to forget about being overprotective and just get on with it. Or I could let him top.

I squared my jaw. Yes, next time we would fool around, I would ask him if he wanted to fuck me, I might not love it, but I couldn't care less if it brought me at least a little pleasure and if it made my Jacob happy. Even if it hurt – which it probably wouldn't – I wouldn't really mind. And if he didn't want to or didn't like it either ... Well, we'd just have to take it from there.

But could I really bring myself to ask him to take me ? I clenched my jaw. If only there weren't those thrice damned memories to pull me back !

I couldn't remember feeling so much in love with Rose though – or any of my other girlfriends. I probably had felt somewhere along those lines, but feelings fade quickly ... Had I had strong feelings like these for Rosalie too ? I glanced at her. Well, at least now I wasn't feeling anything, not the slightest little mini spark.

I was baffled. How could I change so much in a few weeks ? One day I'm following Rose like a love-sick puppy, the next I'm reeling with hurt after what she did, and the one after that I'm falling head over heals for Jake.

Not that it really mattered, we were happy together, that was the important thing. But if I had learnt anything from Rose, it was to track any sign that Jake mightn't be happy. Lately I had come to wonder if something was wrong, I asked him yesterday, but he smiled and said 'absolutely nothing', so I could only hope he was being sincere...

If Rosalie taught me something else, it was that I needed to act less impulsively, less protective and possessive. I tried my best, but it wasn't always easy ... When a guy had ogled my naked Jake in the shower after sports, I really had wanted to at least scare him off, but that had irritated Jake, so I had simply let it slide. I knew Jake hadn't minded growling at a couple of girls who were chasing after me, so I couldn't help but feel a bit slighted – he was allowed to be jealous but I wasn't ?!

Finally, the Rose experience taught me I needed to be more selfish at times. I needed to see the signs that things might turn sour, I couldn't let myself be hurt like that again. I imagined Jake instead of Rose that night in the club ... I shivered, if he did anything like that I didn't know what I'd do. Probably leave. Take off, come back every now and then when he slept to make sure he survived...

I couldn't just open my heart wide open and let anyone who wanted rip it to shreds, like some people had done. But I couldn't imagine Jake ever doing that to me !

We arrived in Seattle and ducked into the VIP room of the best club in town. Everyone scattered off, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I spotted a few girls who were openly staring at me, but I couldn't care less. I wasn't sure why I came any more ... I should have either gone with Jake to his bonfire or brought him here. Oh, well.

I smiled fondly at the thought of Jake. He was probably shirtless, around that fire, joking with his pack, with that laugh I loved so much. He probably had that glint in his eyes, that glint that meant he was happy. I noticed he had that glint when he was around me. I noticed that glint appeared when he saw me. I felt certain he loved me just as much as I loved him, maybe even more.

I couldn't bring myself to care if the imprint had done that, we were happy and in love.

It was probably foolish to think like that, but I felt like I could finally be happy, lastingly happy, with him. I hadn't really felt like that with Rose, I had always been aware of the fact that she wasn't fulfilled, she had always been complaining about this or that.

But Jake wasn't like that. He wouldn't suggest we try a threesome, he wouldn't make me do all kinds of things to get him off like Rosalie had. It had been fun at first, but then it felt like she couldn't be aroused by me _only_ any more, and that had not been fun.

Funnily enough, I had thought she was my mate. The vampire mate system was really quite peculiar, you could never be entirely sure you had found your mate, but once you had it, you would forever be fulfilled. A vampire and his mate are joined until either one of them is destroyed, at which point the surviving vampire has the choice between joining his beloved or waiting a couple of decades for another mate. Somehow, there was only one mate destined for you, unless that mate died, in which case another one would be given to you.

I never had any idea how this all worked, I only knew the rules of vampire mating; there was no way of knowing whether or not you had met your mate, if your mate it was, you couldn't know either of you would survive. Basically it was a waiting game. But there was another way of seeing it; instead of waiting, like Edward does, it was also possible to enjoy the moment and not think to the future.

That was more me, I had been happy with Rose, but she ended not being my mate. Maybe Jake would be, there was no way of telling. A vampire could mate anyone, same sex, opposite sex, human, immortal. We weren't prejudiced against homosexuality – unless our human education was still present. Education, or in my case, memories.

Having a human mate though, led to obvious issues – old age. That's why Edward's refusal to turn Bella puzzled me.

Being a vampire wasn't something I hated, I had fun being a vampire, so why would he condemn her and him to agony in a few years when she would be too old ?! I understood Bella's need to be turned too, she simply wanted to be with Edward forever, and she didn't care about those things like afterlife and BS like that.

My family had deep roots in France. More accurately, we had deep communist roots. Well, if you look at the history of things, I wasn't born late after communism appeared in Europe, so maybe I couldn't say we had _deep_ communist roots. Regardless, my parents had been communists, something they hid well when we moved to the US. Anyway, that meant I didn't have the tiniest religious fibre in me, just like many Frenchmen. And thank God for that – great pun, Em' – I couldn't fathom being tied down by beliefs like Edward was.

Anyway, closing the religious parenthesis, I was thinking about vampire mating. I hoped Jake was my mate, we could really be good together, forever young. About Jacob, I still had to tell him all about me. In fact, I was puzzled that he hadn't thought to remind me ! It had seemed like something that really was important to him ...

I frowned. Was it that he simply had forgotten or that he didn't care ? Neither case was particularly glorious I had to admit. Then again, having to confess everything wasn't particularly taunting. Talking about my parents and brother wasn't too bad, but the simple thought of my uncle made me shiver. Then there was the string of lovers he would _love_ to hear about, my shameful suicide attempt. And there was the one time I had murdered someone ... Images flashed in my mind; blood, him whining, the pain as I was wrecked with guilt and shame, the disgust at myself for what I had done, and the horrifying glee at having closed that chapter.

Bah, no use worrying about that, I'd ask him if he wanted to know next time we met. I should really stop over analysing and thinking about the future.

Live the present Emmett !

I decided to take my own advice, and jumped to the dance floor, where Rosalie was having the time of her life. I growled at the men around her and joined her.

She chuckled "You do know in theory you're not allowed to do that any more, right ?"

I smirked "Now you can't complain about it any more !"

She nodded, smiling, and we danced into the evening.

I was happy.

* * *

At some point during the evening, I felt my phone buzz. Rosalie and I had stopped dancing, in order to pretend we were exhausted. Naturally we would return after a few minutes. Or rather, I would have returned had I not received a text.

From Jacob Black: _I'm bored all alone at home ... D'you have to stay or can you come give it to me hard ? JB_

I frowned. Jake was never rude like this ... And he never signed 'JB'. Maybe was drunk ... It wasn't like him, but he did like to drink a bit. A few times at those bonfires he had been a bit tipsy and gotten all excited. And he never once mentioned anything about ... Well, what he was talking about. Something was off ..

After a minute's reflection, and noticing everyone was thoroughly enjoying their night, I decided to go see Jake. Even though he was rude about it, I couldn't possibly refuse some steamy action in his tiny bed after getting rubbed all over by a few dozen different people, guys and girls alike.

I quickly warned Carlisle I was leaving, who simply nodded and whispered 'have fun'.

As soon as I was out of the club, I took my jacket off, and started jogging towards the edge of the city. Once covered by the first trees, I removed my awkward clubbing shoes, opened a few button on my shirt and sprinted full throttle towards the res'.

What took two hours by car took me an hour by foot. I arrived at the Black residence, slowing in advance to avoid charging into the house. I grinned to myself as I noticed Jacob's open window. I jumped into Jake's bedroom.

Jake was kneeling between Paul's legs, who was lying on the bed. Jake was sucking him off.


	29. Back to the Warm Reality

**_"I will not have you in the course of a single evening besmatching that [relation] by behaving like a babbling bumbling band of baboons."_**

-Pr. McGonnagall, _Harry Potter and the Cup of Fire_

A/N : Thanks to elf and zack for the beta !

**Strong Angst  
**

* * *

**Chapter XXIX : BACK TO THE WARM REALITY  
**

* * *

I slowly regained consciousness. I felt the sun streaming through my window, warming my exposed cheek. I smiled, Emmett would shine today. He would grumble, irritated, about it all day, and I would tease him gently before admitting how perfect he looked when he shone.

I slowly opened my eyes. Light filtered through my eyelashes, it was probably at least noon. God, I loved week ends !

I was finally able to muster the courage to open my eyes all the way. I opened and closed my mouth several times – it felt horribly furry, the alcohol probably.

I slowly brought my elbows to my side and raised myself, before immediately falling back.

FUCKING HEADACHE !

My head felt like it was going to split open ! I groaned, rested my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. Best solution when hangover: go back to sleep.

Gradually I felt all my senses awake, and I just felt worse and worse. My knees were hurting as though I had been kneeling for hours, my breath was reeking of alcohol and my mouth felt like I had eaten pure flour. Oh, and that's not mentioning my morning wood.

Very slowly, I was able to sit up, swing my legs out of bed, before I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I didn't feel so good. I would never, ever drink like that again.

I felt dirty and sticky. I had probably been sweating all night – but how was that possible ? We were in the middle of March, it was still freezing cold both outside and inside. It's not like I could have slept with someone hot, the only person I did sleep with had that perfect cool temperature. And it wasn't likely I had slept with someone else either.

I stood up, and sat back down again. I felt like I was going to be sick, and every hurried movement led to my head splitting open.

After a few minutes, I was able to stand up, and I made my way to the door, then to the kitchen, where dad was sat down.

"You look terrible, Jake." I grimaced.

"Don't yell ..." I whispered.

Thankfully he lowered his voice "Alright. Did Paul spend the night ?"

I blinked several time, trying to process the information. Finally I wasn't able to make any sense of it "Huh ?"

Dad looked pitifully at me and said "Paul left your room early this morning, and said you had gotten home drunk and he'd taken care of you."

Tiny piece by tiny piece, memory came back. Bonfire. Alcohol. Paul. He stayed all night ? That didn't sound good.

"Uh, I guess ..."

"You should take a shower, Jake, you'll feel better. And I'll feel better too, you stink."

"Jee', thanks dad." I said, before very slowly making my way to the bathroom.

"Hum, Jake ? You have a bit of white on your eyebrow ..." He sounded really uncomfortable. I didn't acknowledge him, simply ploughed on to the bathroom.

When I finally reached it, I wearily took a good look at myself in the mirror, and sure enough, I had dried cum on my eyebrow. I couldn't remember Emmett coming last night ... I shook my head, these mental gymnastics were too difficult when hangover.

I stripped – which took about five minutes – and entered the stall. Then I noticed the door was wide open, so I went to close it, but slipped in the wet stall, falling hard on my elbows.

Groaning, I got up. Why did I drink again ? Why do people drink ? Why did they invent alcohol ? I shook my head, closed and locked the door, returned to the stall, and ten minutes later I was able to turn the shower on.

I yelped when the ice cold water drenched me. I shivered, feeling suddenly much more awake. I turned the shower to a side of the stall, before waiting for the hot water to arrive. While I was waiting, my brain slowly turned on.

Dried cum. Paul stayed over. No memory.

SHIT ! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK !

I bashed the stall open, almost breaking the glass, jumped out, dried myself summarily. This proved too much for my hangover, and I felt bile in my throat. Fuck. Didn't need this –

I slid down to the toilet and vomited.

I raised my head.

And vomited again.

I shivered. Something was wrong. This wasn't only from a hangover, my metabolism should have burnt the alcohol out much faster. If what I dreaded about Paul was right – if it even could be right – then it was probably the imprint which protested.

I cleaned myself up as best as possible, stuck my head in the stall and dunked it under the icy cold jet of water. I needed a clear mind. Now.

I dried myself, then ran naked to my bedroom, slipped on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, before grabbing my phone, which displayed two new texts.

From Emmett Cullen: _I came to give you my body. I left knowing you weren't interested._

Uh ? What was that supposed to mean ? I scrolled up to see if there was anything that could help me decode the text. What I found horrified me.

To Emmett Cullen: _I'm bored all alone at home ... D'you have to stay or can you come give it to me hard ? JB_

Did I really send that ? It didn't sound like me ! And I never signed 'JB' ! And I was never that rude ! And I would never –

Slowly my brain gave birth to a horrible suspicion – Paul in my room, me drunk, him taking my phone.

What if ?

I froze.

Paul sent for Emmett, Emmett came and saw ... ?

One second I was unable to move in my room, the second I was running faster than I had ever run. I jumped, phased mid-air and ran as fast as I could towards the Cullen mansion.

I arrived a second later, ran around to the cabin, and found it there, as we had left it, but no Emmett. I ran to the door in wolf form, only to find Edward with a pair of Emmett's cargo shorts.

I phase, slipped them on.

"What happened, Jacob ? I can't read your mind, there are too many thoughts."

"Paul – Emmett – I ..."

Carlisle appeared with Jasper. The former asked "What's happening" while I felt the other one calm me down.

I slumped on the ground "I think – I think I did something horrible."

Edward gasped "How could you - ?"

Blondie appeared. I felt more than I saw the kick in my balls.

FUUUUUUUUCKING HEEEEEEEEEEELL !

"ROSALIE" Carlisle exclaimed, while I rolled on my belly, holding my jewels. From the corner of the eye, I saw her going for a second shot – probably set on condemning my testicles like she said she would if I hurt Emmett – but thankfully Carlisle stopped her.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, it hurt like HELL !

I suffered in silence. I deserved this – and more.

After about a minute, I was able to have coherent thoughts again.

How could I let Paul do this ?! And how had I even been able to do whatever I did ?! The imprint should have prevented it ! It was impossible for an Imprinted to cheat on his imprint ! Maybe the imprint didn't prevent a kiss ... But even drunk I would never in a million years -

Unless, unless ... That beer Paul handed me ! He must have laced it with something ! There is no way I did this without being drugged !

"What in the Devil's name is going on ?!" Carlisle asked. I was still on the ground, holding my balls, blinded by the pain. Thankfully I had healing powers, otherwise I would be on the ground for a good half an hour considering how hard Rosalie kicked.

"He cheated on Emmett."

"Actually, Rose, he thinks Paul drugged him. He says the Imprint wouldn't allow him to cheat on Em'."

She looked crestfallen "What ?!"

I managed to sit up, doing my best not to vomit – again. "I couldn't have done it even if I had wanted to."

Edward helped me up, but I kept a hand on my groin, wincing every now and then.

"And why should we believe him ?" She asked, her voice laced with contempt and disgust.

I sat down on a couch, covering my balls protectively and grimacing as they radiated pain. "I don't know how to convince you... If I think about last night, maybe –"

Edward carried on "I'll be able to see it. Go on, start at the beginning and walk me through the whole thing." I closed my eyes, and took a deep, calming breath. I let images flow – me grumbling at home, me walking to the bonfire, me taking my first drink, me missing Emmett's presence, me being bored, me taking another drink, me starting shots, Paul handing me an open bottle, me downing it, me being walked away by Paul, me waking up with a splitting headache.

Edward shrugged "I think he's telling the truth. Paul did give him an open bottle and walked him away, then it's blank. He could be hiding whatever happened, but I doubt it, it's almost impossible to avoid something being brought to your mind's eye."

"What ?" I would really appreciate it if he could speak English.

"It's like this. If I tell you not to think about last night, the first thing you will do is think about last night. It's a reflex, whenever you hear something, your brain will associate it with all your memories. In this case, I told you to walk through the whole thing. You can't create fake memories, I would see it, so what you did show me was true. When you get to the part where Paul walks you out, you would naturally think about the rest without having time to hide it. So I think you're not lying when you say you don't remember anything that happened."

"Oh." Was all I could answer. Made sense. Kind of ...

"Rosalie ?" Edward asked. She looked uncertain.

"You don't remember ANYTHING after what Edward said ?"

"No."

"You love Emmett more than anything."

"Yes."

"You didn't intentionally set out to hurt him last night ?"

"I would never."

"Let's be honest, I don't know if I believe you. I'll just wait until I find proof. But I do think you should at least get a chance to explain yourself to Em' ... So I'll help you as a friend until I make up my mind."

"Hum ... Sorry ..." She added, looking away uncomfortably. I was so relieved they were giving me a chance to prove myself ! I don't know what I would do otherwise.

"It's alright, I would have done the same. I really need to talk to Em' though. I don't remember what happened, but I think he saw whatever happened."

"He did. When we came back, I found him in that cabin, he calmly told me everything, and said he was leaving."

"WHAT ?! Where did he go ?"

"Wait, stop ! I think this is all very convenient ! I'm sorry, Jacob, but I don't want to take your word for it. I can't believe someone of your own pack would actually drug and rape you." Carlisle said, his voice full of authority.

I immediately looked to him. How could I prove to the doc that – wait ! That's it, he's a doc !

"Could you do a blood test ? I'm going to need a way to convince Emmett, whatever he saw, I don't know if he'll trust me ... I need proof."

"Follow me." Carlisle didn't waste a second, we went straight to his study. Once there, he closed the door, and strode towards the bed he used for patients. He patted on it absent-mindledly while roaming metallic drawers for whatever he would need.

I sat down obediently, still shirtless, and kept my mouth shut. I knew Carlisle was a force to be reckoned with, and a man of science – he would believe the results of the blood test, it was as simple as that.

"When were you supposedly drugged ?"

I glanced at the clock on the wall, made a quick mental calculation and answered "About fourteen hours ago ... ?"

Still without looking at me, he noted "Depending on quantity and nature of the drugs, they might have disappeared from your system. If as I hope you're telling the truth, there should be traces of the substances. The bulk of it is quickly gone, but residues linger for a good while."

He turned to me with a syringe, one of those elastic straps to stop the blood flow. I looked away – blood still didn't thrill me – and it was done in a second. The pain in my balls was still very much there, even if I ignored it, but it was enough to ignore the sting of the needle. However, as I discovered, Carlisle took two samples.

He transferred the contents of the two syringes in plastic vials, before screwing the cap. He then did something that puzzled me – he took out one of those metal containers used to transport gas, marked 'Liquid N'

He proceeded to quickly open the top, before putting the samples on a small, round rack and dunking the rack in the canister. He then closed the canister tightly shut -

"Right, I'm going to take the blood to Forks Hospital, they've got a Mass Spectrometer there and I'll analyse it myself as soon as it is available. Before that though, we should take a urine sample." I blushed but didn't even think about protesting. It was nice to be able to let Carlisle take control, I didn't want any part in this tale – let alone having to be the maestro.

He handed me another one of those plastic vials, and I made short work out of doing what was expected of me. This time he didn't dunk it in the liquid Nitrogen though, simply putting it beside the canister.

"Ok, now if Paul raped you there will be clear signs of –"

"No, I don't think he did." I cut him off, before adding "I think I would ... _feel_ it, if he had." I looked away, terribly uncomfortable.

Carlisle kept a straight face "Yes, even despite your healing it'd probably hurt a good deal."

He took a deep breath, took hold of the canister and the urine sample, before saying "Well, seeing as it's a week end, the Mass Spec should be available. It'll take me an hour to analyse the sample, and then it'll take a while to process the results. I'll let you, Charlie and Billy know about the results."

What ? "No, wait ! You can't tell Charlie or dad !"

He spun around, looking not far from rupture point "And why is that ? If, as I hope, you're telling the truth, then I'll still consider you part of this family, and I take care of my own."

"Please, let me deal with this, I'll tell dad and Sam as soon as I get back." I pleaded.

He sighed "It's your choice. I'll call as soon as I have the results. I suggest you stay here in the mean time in case Emmett decides to reappear." With that he blurred away. I realized that, in his haste, he hadn't tended to my sting. I rubbed a bit more alcohol on it, before leaving it like that – it would heal.

I was sitting on the patient's bed, my head down, reeling from the events of the last minutes. I couldn't believe everything that had happened !

"Jacob ?" I heard Rosalie ask, uncertain. I also heard her enter the room and close the door.

"I really am sorry about what I did." She said. "I should have at least waited to hear what you had to say ... Like Emmett."

I shrugged. It didn't matter. Suddenly I jerked my head up, thinking about something that DID matter "Where did Emmett go ?"

"He didn't say. All he said was that he couldn't stay here. He said he would make himself untraceable, no cell phone, no credit card, nothing. He said he didn't want any of us to know where he went, that he didn't want anyone to be able to find him. He also said he'd be back to make sure you get your dose of your imprint."

"So I have to wait until he comes back out of some duty to help me survive ?" I was down. There was only one way of saying it, I really was down.

She came to sit beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. I welcomed the cold ...

"Don't worry, I'll help you find him the big brute. We'll ask Alice, I'm sure she could help. Emmett is intelligent, but if we all pitch in we'll find him, you'll see."

I nodded, feeling tears creep up on me "Why did he take off ... ?"

There was a long pause, before she replied "He didn't say, but I could probably guess. He's hurt, Jake, it's as simple as that. He had no reason to stay, and he must be in more pain than I can imagine."

It hurt. God it hurt. My Emmett was somewhere, alone, desperate, thinking I played him all along, maybe crying his eyes out, and it was all my fault. But I couldn't break down. I needed to keep it together, there was much to do.

Before though, I had one last question "I don't remember anything about last night, did he say what happened ?"

"Yes. He said he received a weird text from you, asking to come over. He said he sprinted there immediately, and jumped through your window. He said ..." She stopped, uncertain.

"Yes ?" I pressed on.

"Emmett said he saw you sucking Paul off." I ran to the sink and vomited. I couldn't help it, it was the Imprint. Rosalie, probably knowing me better than I thought, didn't offer her help.

When I was done and had washed the stench away, I looked around, lost.

No, I had things to do. I needed to clean the mess. I needed to talk to Dad, to Sam, and to Paul. I needed to do what I had cowered from during the last month: I needed to be honest with myself and others. Then I would wait. Right now I couldn't wait, I had to do something, otherwise I would start thinking – and I could not possibly start thinking.

"Rosalie ? Carlisle wanted me to stay here, but I need to sort out this hell. Seeing as ... _he_ won't turn up before a while, I'm not going to wait here for the snow to fall. I'll be on my cell if you need me. Could you please call as soon as Carlisle has news ?"

She simply nodded, offering me a reassuring smile that didn't mean anything to me. I was in my own world, building a wall to keep my whole world from crumbling like a castle of cards.


	30. Questions and Answers

_**"[Jacob], you are fair and brave, and have much to live for, and many who love you. I know it is too late to turn astride, I know there is not much point now in hoping. If I were a [vampire], capable of great deeds, but I'm not. I'm a [human]. And I know I can't save [your relation]. I just want to help my friends. [Jacob]. [Emmett]. [...] More than anything, I wish I could see them again."**  
_

- Merry, _The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King_

A/N: Please note the ' * '. GHB, an acronym γ -Hydroxybutyric Acid and Flunitrazepam are two drugs known as 'date-rape' drugs, allowing something called 'chemical submission'. In other words they make the victim very pliant and drowsy. They're used in seedy clubs and bars, but are entirely illegal and are very regulated in most developed countries. They are (or used to be) used to cure some sleeping disorders and rare psychological diseases. For those who are interested, Flunitrazepam increase the effect of GABA in neurone-type GABA-a receptors (ie, they 'relax'). GHB prevents coherent thought, increases GABA effect too, and makes the absorption of alcohol difficult (which partly explains Jake's hangover despite his healing abilities and his fast metabolism). If you are interested in more info or explanation, please feel free to ask in your reviews.

A/N 2: Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Strong Angst.  
**

* * *

**Chapter XXX: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS  
**

* * *

I marched back to the res', neither hurrying nor taking my time. I needed some time to think, but not too much. Firstly, what was I supposed to do with Paul ? I couldn't do _nothing_, that's what had brought on all this mess ! Just because I had been too god damned proud !

I made a snap decision of telling everything to Sam. He would know what to do. I could tell him everything, and I would have to trust him he'd know best what to do. That's what I should have done months ago. That, and telling Emmett. If only I had told him, maybe –

No, don't go there. Not now. Later. Focus. Don't let your paradise fall down to ruins and hell. Not yet. When I was done with all this mess, only then would I agonize over a perfect apologizing speech for Emmett. Only then would I take time to mull it all over. For now; Sam.

Sam.

Sam.

Don't think about anything else. Don't think about Emmett. Don't think about the time when-

No !

Sam, Sam, Sam.

I started jogging.

No thinking, no thinking. Thinking no good.

I started running.

Sam, nothing else.

I arrived.

"SAM ?" I yelled when I came near his log cabin. Cabin ...

NO !

"Yes ?" He answered. I barged into the house. Paul, Embry, Seth, Leah and Emily were there. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had planned to do this alone with him. Maybe with Emily but particularly not with that jerk.

Jerk smiled "Hello Jake, recovered from your hangover ?"

I balled my fists and clenched my jaw.

Don't phase.

Don't phase.

I started feeling warm.

I started trembling.

Don't phase, not now !

"Did you sleep alright ?" Jerk asked.

I phased and launched myself at Paul.

"Stop." It was a simple word, yet imbued with the Alpha tone. So I stopped. I growled, but I didn't move, simply fixing Jerk, ready to launch myself at him again.

"Phase." I phased. Emily handed me a pair of cut-offs which I promptly put on.

"Sit." I sat.

"Explain." I explained.

"Paul spiked my drink last night, then he dragged me back home and arranged for Emmett to see me blow him off, then spent the night in my bed. Now Emmett is gone and he made sure no one could find him." I held on to hatred. Hatred was good, it kept me from breaking down.

Sam blinked a few times, while the other gaped, looking back and forth between Paul and me.

After a little while, Sam asked "Are you serious ?"

I looked him in the eye. I didn't even answer. Would I really lie about my Imprint taking off like that ? Would I really make this all up ? And for what ?

Sam turned to Paul "Is it true ?"

He shrugged "No, I brought him home when it looked like he was completely wasted. He agreed by the way. Then I put him in bed, but he pulled me on the bed and started to make out with me. I tried to resist, but he turned me on so much that I just went with it. Then he stripped and kissed me. The leech turned up at some point, and I guess he realized that him and Jake weren't going to happen."

Sam looked more than dubious, he turned back to me "Are you sure he spiked your drink Jake ?"

I looked Sam straight in the eye "Would you be able to cheat on Emily otherwise ?" He glanced at Emily, back at me, before scowling at Paul "I think you're lying."

"Well, that's tough. I'm out'a here." He said casually. He passed me by and I tried to tackle him, but the order prevented me from it. Instead I heard Sam bark "Get your ass back on the couch. Now."

Paul grimaced, closed his eyes and clenched his jaw and tried to resist the order. He started shaking like a leaf, before all his muscles went lax and his feet brought him back to the couch. There was some good in that Alpha stuff, I had to admit it !

"Embry, Seth and Leah, please leave, I think it's best if we're alone to deal with this." They all nodded quickly before making a discreet escape. Leah eyed me with something resembling worry, but I didn't linger. Emily came to sit beside me, and I found her presence somewhat relaxed Sam's order. I took a deep breath and accepted her proximity. Since I had phased, she had been almost like a second mother. I should have told her all about Paul, I don't know why I didn't think of that before ...

"Em', you should leave too, I don't want anyone phasing with you around again ..."

"It's alright, Sam. I'm in control now." I said, and it was the truth. There were a few people that somehow made it easier to stay in control: Bella, dad, Emily and ... someone else ...

He nodded. "Tell me the truth this time, ALL of it." Sam ordered. I hadn't thought about that. Maybe if Emmett came and saw Sam force Paul to tell the truth ... ?

Again, Paul clenched his jaw and grimaced, but this time it didn't take long before he started telling us everything in a neutral voice. "I saw him and the life sucker make out in the forest one time, so I decided to show the leech that they can't be together. I made some research and found all I needed on Wikipedia. I was able to get some GHB* and Flunitrazepam*. I also got some chloroform in case it wasn't enough, and I bought a few sedatives too. I took all that with me every time there was a chance I'd be able to spike his drinks, but I had to wait a few weeks until we had that bonfire. I saw he was getting wasted, I saw he was alone and that no one gave a rat's arse.

So when he started getting really drunk, I opened a bottle of beer and slipped the drugs. I didn't add the sedatives, 'cause GHB is supposed to make it difficult to sober up. He started on shots. With the cocktail of drugs and the quantity of alcohol I was pretty sure he'd be as obedient as a puppy, so I asked him if he wanted me to bring him back. He accepted, so I dragged his arse back to his home. Billy wasn't home, so I got him in bed, got him naked, stripped, then all I had to do was to send a text to the leech to tell him to come over."

By the time he was done I had allowed tears to run down my cheeks. How could he ? How could he drug a pack member ? How could he do this to me ?

Sam sat down heavily while Emily brushed the tears off my cheeks.

For a long while, we just sat there, in silence.

Then Sam spoke up, and for the first time in a very long time, he was hesitant "I – I don't know what to do." He shook his head, his eyes in the void.

"I should report you to Charlie and get your ass hauled to prison for what you did, but I can't because the danger of anyone discovering your condition is too great." His eyes stayed unfocused, while he mulled it over.

I took a good look at Paul, who didn't even look sorry. Suddenly I felt the need to tell everything, to empty my chest "He's been trying to break me up with Emmett for months now. He started by trying to kill Emmett when I imprinted, then he didn't tell me that Emmett was going to get himself killed trying to protect me. When Emmett was gone he used my sadness to get to me, even started touching me and saying stuff. Then when Emmett came back he started sending me texts almost every day saying he'd get my arse and that I would be his bitch. He's been _accidently_ touching me for weeks, too."

Sam sighed "I wished you'd told me all this earlier, Jake, we could have prevented this."

I shrugged "I know where he comes from, I thought it would die down, and I didn't want him to get in trouble because he's in love. I've been trying the same with Bella then Emmett, I know how that feels."

Sam nodded, defeated.

Again, we sat in silence.

Then Sam shook his head, looking like he was convincing himself of something "I can't let this slide. Pack meeting, now." He made quick work of calling all the members, who arrived running, probably aware something big was going down. I avoided their eye and Paul still sat there, looking like nothing in the world could get to him. When did he become like this ? I knew him to be hot-headed, but then again, so I used to be before the whole Emmett situation that forced me to calm down. When did he get so ... sick ? so empty ?

"Right, we've got a problem." Sam announced, before explaining "Paul here drugged Jake, molested him and broke things with his imprint."

"If anyone has a solution, I'm a taker, because I have no idea what to do right now." Sam admitted.

No one talked.

Sam sighed "Well, this is what is going to happen. Paul, you are forbidden from phasing, you are forbidden from leaving the res' unless I agree to it, you are forbidden to be nearer than one meter from anyone except your own family unless they expressly tell you that they're fine with you approaching. Finally, you are not to talk to Jake unless he agrees to it, you're not allowed within a hundred meter radius around his house, you're not allowed on Cullen land.

When this is solved, you will take whatever punishment Jake's imprint sees fit to give you without moving a muscle. Moreover, you are forbidden to attack any of the Cullens without my saying so before. All these rules will apply until I tell you clearly that they aren't any more." Paul didn't so much as blink. What was wrong with him ?! He claimed to love me, yet he didn't have a problem with drugging, molesting me and hurting more than anyone else. He must have been bordering on psychotic !

"Jake, would you mind waiting here for me ? I'm taking Paul back to his parents, I need a word with them. You guys can leave, but please don't bother Jake if you stay. No comments right now, there is work to be done. If anyone wants to say something, please come back tonight." Sam ordered Paul to follow him and they left.

Nobody talked. Sam had more or less said it all in my opinion ... Thankfully they all trickled out without trying to sooth me or anything, I would most probably have blown off the handle if they had tried. I didn't need their fucking sympathy ! I needed Emmett for fuck's sake !

When they all left, Emily leaned against me "Is there anything I can do, Jake ?"

I smiled "I'll tell you if there is anything you can do, for now I just need to clean this mess as best as possible before Emmett comes back."

We waited in silence. I let my mind go completely blank, it wasn't easy, but somehow I was able to. I just waited there until Sam came back, looking somewhere between sad and regretful.

"Jake, I thought we could go talk to Billy, then we can go back to the Cullens. Sound good ?"

I nodded and followed him meekly. He didn't talk on the way home, and I was glad for it. Right now I was numb and feeling like I was in someone else's body; and for now it was perfect. I didn't want to let thoughts crowd my head, I couldn't.

We reached home, and Sam knocked, before politely waiting for dad to call us in. He strode to the living room, where dad was, looking anxious.

"Billy." Sam acknowledge respectfully. Dad nodded curtly in return.

"I take it you're not aware of what happened ?" Sam asked.

Dad frowned, and looked over to me, before shaking his head. "What happened ?"

Sam sighed, and turned to me "You want me to tell him ?" I nodded dryly.

He turned back to dad and summed up the last twenty-four hours "Paul drugged Jake, took him to bed and arranged for Jake's imprint to see them in a comprising position, all because he professes to love Jake."

Dad blinked a few times "What ?!" I shrugged.

After a pause, dad seemed to get his head around what Sam just told him, and he asked to me in a low worried voice "What happened after that ?"

This time I answered "He left." Dad nodded carefully, and seemed to understand there was no need to ask more than that. I was grateful most of my friends and family knew me well enough not to push help or affection. They understood I couldn't want their affection even if I tried.

Dad turned back to Sam "What happens to Lahote ?"

"To be honest, I was hoping you would help me on that one. For now I prevented him from doing something like that again, or at least I made it difficult. But ... I don't know, how could I phase with him again ? How could I ever trust him again ?" Sam shook his head sadly.

Dad pursed his lips "I'll talk to the rest of the elders. I'll see what Lahote senior has to say on the matter." He said, before adding in a gentle voice "Jake, do what you must son, I trust you." I managed a small smile and another nod.

"Come on, Jake, we're going to the Cullens." I didn't know why Sam wanted to go there, but to be honest, I was happy following without thinking at that moment.

We phased and ran there. When we arrived, we phased back, pulled our cut-offs back on, and strode to the entrance, where Edward opened the door before we reached it.

"Sam ?"

"Can I talk to the doc' ?"

"He's at the hospital, he called a minute ago, he said he'd be done within the hour and that he'd come straight back home when he was."

Rosalie arrived "Alice and Jasper have gone to scout for Emmett, she thinks that she'll be able to track him down, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. Emmett may play the brawny jock, but he's very smart."

"What happened exactly ?" Sam asked.

Rosalie turned to him, and snarled "Your pack of mutts, that's what happened !"

Sam balled his fists but didn't pick up on the insult. Edward moved us to the living room, where we all sat down in the comfortable couches.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is with us Blondie, but I need to know what happened here. This isn't something I'd normally offer, but the situation is hardly normal, so I'd like to offer my help. The way I see it, we have caused problem after problem between Jake's imprint, Paul's attack and now _this_. In addition, I understand Jake's imprint has been more than accepting and has returned his feelings, so please explain what happened so I can help however I can." Normally I would have been impressed by Sam's willingness ... Normally ...

Edward answered before Rosalie had the time to say anything else "I doubt you'll be able to help, but I'm sure Jake appreciates your gracious offer. If anything can be done then we'll be sure to tell you. For now Emmett is gone and has made sure no one would be able to find him, so there is nothing you can do."

Sam jumped up "What ?! But he knows Jake can't –"

Rosalie cut him off "So it's his fault now ?! How would you feel, uh ? How would you feel if you saw your precious imprint sucking that dog off, uh ? Or how would SHE feel if she saw that ?"

Sam went livid. He got the picture alright. Leave it to Rosalie to be this blunt. Then again I liked blunt people, it made things easier...

"I – " Sam was at a loss for words "Is – is that what happened ?" He asked me.

"Yeah, Paul somehow made me suck him off, and apparently that's what Em's stumbled on. I wouldn't blame him if he never came back."

Rosalie looked at me, troubled, before adding "He told me he wouldn't let anything happen to Jake though, which means he'll be back in two weeks at most. From what I understand that's how long Jake can be without his imprint."

Sam nodded "Well, then there is nothing to do but wait."

"Actually" Edward corrected "There is. Do you think Em' will simply believe Jake ? I know I wouldn't believe one word Bella told me if I saw that, I know I'd find that _very_ convenient."

"Surely Jake told him that he physically can't hurt his imprint ! And he knows about all those things Paul has been doing, right ?"

I sighed. Time to face the consequences "I told him that I couldn't hurt him, but after what he saw, he'll start questioning every single thing I've ever told him. He doesn't know about Paul, because I didn't want him to blow off the handle, or do something rash that would have started a war between us, which would have forced me to fight against my pack."

Sam looked like he was starting to get the gravity of the situation. Luckily for me, I was still managing to keep every single emotion and thought at bay.

"Carlisle took blood samples from Jake to analyse them, we're hoping there'll be traces of the drug. That'll be enough for Emmett, he trusts Carlisle not to lie about something like that. The problem is-"

"The problem is" Rosalie continued "He'll want to rip your dog apart. And let it be clear, the only reason I haven't squeezed his balls to jelly already is because Jake has enough to deal with without having to worry about us fighting too."

Sam squared his jaw "If he attacks Paul I won't hold it against him."

I raised my eyebrows "And if he kills him ? Emmett has a big heart, but betrayal he doesn't do very well. He's very protective, this is going to end badly. I would like to say that I trust Emmett won't do anything stupid, but I can't, because if I was him I would have tried to kill Paul already – and actually I already did try." I said.

Sam bit his lip. "Yeah, I would probably do the same thing .."

Edward raked his hand threw his unruly bronze hair "So what's the plan ? Because Emmett is going to come back, he is going to find out, and he is going to get blood thirsty."

I huffed "Don't count on me to even try and stop him. I'm done trying to make everything fit together, I've learnt my lesson, now it's Emmett and me, and nothing else."

Sam took in a deep breath and slumped back down on the couch "I don't know. I couldn't let anyone actually hurt anyone of the res', but I can't blame the vampire or do anything else. Jake, are you sure that you couldn't –"

"Dream on, Sam. If you think I'm going to save the skin of the guy who drugged and almost raped me, then you've got another one coming."

Rosalie spoke up "I could handle Emmett if I had a reason to." She smiled darkly "Let me take care of your horny dog and I won't let Emmett so much as touch him."

Sam looked up unconvinced "Why do I get a feeling Paul's balls are on the line here ?"

She laughed cruelly "I don't know what gives you that idea."

He shook his head "Go figure. Sorry, but no. I guess Paul will have to take whatever comes his way."

We didn't discuss any thing more, and Sam decided he didn't want to wait for Carlisle. Like Edward said, there was nothing he could do anyway.

Rosalie, Edward and I made shallow discussion for a while. I was impressed by how they managed to steer my thoughts away from dangerous waters. Already when Em' had been in sleeping, Edward had kept me sane. I guess reading my thoughts made it easier to change my mind ...

Carlisle arrived when the night started to fall. Even for a vampire, he looked tired – he must have been hard at it for a long time. He and Esme came into the living room, and he took out a bunch of papers.

"So, I've analysed everything. There are traces of γ-Hydroxybutyric Acid, 6-(2-fluorophenyl)-2-methyl-9-nitro-2,5-diazabicycl-undeca-5,8,10,12-tetraen-3-one and N,N-dimethyl-2-(6-methyl-2-p-tolylimidazo[1,2-a]pyridin-3 yl)acetamide, which are the fancy names for GHB*, Benzodiazepines* and Zolpidem*. The two first are powerful psychotic drugs, basically making you malleable, and the last one is a sedative. He must have pumped you full with those, because even so long after there were still incredible amounts left in your blood.

I've got the results here. It's a mass spectrum so Emmett won't have a clue what all this means, but I've got it here and I'm keeping it here in case it's needed. I also analysed the other sample, and found an incredible amount of alcohol residue. That's the effect of Benzodiazepines, they prevent alcohol absorption ... With the cocktail of drugs, the quantities he gave you, and the quantity of alcohol you consumed, I'm surprised you even survived, any human would have OD'd ... You're lucky to be alive, Jacob. You should have fallen asleep and never woken up. I'm going to keep a close look on you until the drugs have completely left your system."

Bla ... Bla ... Bla ... Point being, I had indeed been drugged, I had the proof, and after that it was a waiting game.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter this week end !


	31. Under Lock and Key

**_"Madness is like gravity. All it takes, is a lit__tle__ push."_**

-The Joker, _The Dark Knight_

A/N : Thanks to elf for the beta !

**STRONG ANGST.**

* * *

**Chapter XXXI : UNDER LOCK AND KEY  
**

* * *

I couldn't believe it. Jake sucking Paul off ?!

I felt cold inside, which was kind of worrying for a vampire... At first I wouldn't believe it, I just couldn't !

I stayed there a few minutes, probably due to some masochistic tendency... Paul came, then bent down to kiss Jake, who melted into the kiss, before they laid down together, Paul latching on to Jake tightly.

I was so ridiculously astounded that I fell down the window.

I wasn't even angry. It wasn't Jake's fault, it was just me, I just wasn't good enough. There was no point crying, denying it or stumping like a pouting child.

I could have woken them up and demanded an explanation, but what good would it do ... ?

They seemed happy together ...

So I decided to leave them together.

There weren't many things I could do. I could keep on living at the mansion like nothing had happened or I could leave. Well, it wasn't really a choice. I didn't want to face the humiliation, Jake's victorious smirk when he discovered I knew, or my family's pity. I just couldn't. I had to leave.

I wanted Jake to be happy. If Paul made him happy, then with Paul he would be. I was just sorry I hadn't been good enough, that he hadn't told me, that I hadn't had the chance to fix it.

Despite my best intentions, my eyes filled with tears where I was laying, sprawled on the ground, mud caking my clothes. I rolled together in ball, sobbed and cried. I didn't care that I was stronger than this, I didn't care that a man should be proud and forget his tears. I was torn up inside.

Why did people do this to me ? What did I do wrong every time ? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME ?

For a split second, I considered giving up, giving it all up. Going off to Italy like Ed' had done and end it all. What was the point of a life where I kept suffering ? What was the point of a life where I was worth less than dirt to the people I loved ?

Three loves, three failed loves. Suzanna, Rose, and now Jake.

What was the point of life if I wasn't allowed to be loved ? Was it really worth living if all I knew was a taste of love before having it rip my heart out?

Three times. Three times my heart had been shattered to tiny fragments. How much of this could I take ? How much of this was I willing to take ?

Jake ... I could hear his heart beat slowly up there, next to Paul's hammering heart. I saw him in my head, his face, his little stubble when he didn't shave, the way he titled against me when he was tired of walking. I brought my hands to my eyes, I could still feel the way his large warm hand would grip mine tightly when we proudly walked side by side in the corridors at school. I had memorized his body, I knew him by heart, the way his heart's pace would quicken when he saw me, the way he grinned whenever I appeared.

All that, an act. All lies. All gone.

I realized the worst; if he had lied about not being able to hurt me, what else had he lied about ? Since when had he been seeing Paul ? I felt sick, had he been with Paul since I had been asleep ? Since when was he lying to me ?!

I rested my head in the mud. My hands could feel the ghost of his cheeks, of his jaw, of his delicate lips.

HOW COULD HE ?

I wiped my eyes and stood up.

I started breathing heavily. I wanted someone to pay for this. I wanted, I wanted –

All my bravado blew away, I wanted Jake back.

But I wouldn't get him back.

Gone.

Lost.

A plan started to form in my mind. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to enjoy a full and merry life. The best I could do for him was disappear, and come back every week or so, allow him to breath the free air. I would come during the night, let my presence sooth the imprint.

I took off. I needed a word with Rose.

* * *

I couldn't leave the continent. I couldn't go too far. One week had gone by since I had left. The pain was still all too real. I spent my day lying on the bed, feeling Jake against me. As soon as I closed my eyes, I could feel him on my hands, I could feel his hot body warming me up.

But I always had to open my eyes. I was alone. Utterly alone. I was alone in the cold and dark of a tiny hotel room somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

I had spent three days crying every tear my body could create.

Then I grew thirsty. The temptation to forget about my diet had been there, real, but I couldn't. I had imagined Jake finding out I had killed a human being, I imagined the disappointment in his eyes. And even then, I'd sworn never to kill again ...

Right when I had left, my mind had come up with a replacement Jake. He ran beside me as a wolf when I was alone, he talked to me when I was lonely, he scowled at me when I was misbehaving.

I knew that I was going insane, but I couldn't bring myself to care. At least I had a version of him there, near me...

More than once, I had considered running back to him and do ... Something ! Anything ! Demand an explanation ! Beg him to take me back !

But no, I still had my pride. And I still had my fears. And I still thought I would only bother him.

I didn't want to bother him.

Whatever he had done, I still loved him, and I would never hurt him. Anyway, he was probably better without me anyway !

Lately I had been able to convince myself of that.

* * *

Another week passed. It was time to go back. I dreaded that anyone would see me, that anyone would mock me, that anyone would rub salt into the wound. The week had been miserable. I tried to get on with my life, I really did, but my life wasn't my life without Jake. I felt his absence every single second, of every single minute, of every hour, of every single day.

I spent my nights rolled in a ball on my tiny cold bed. I spent them hugging myself, remembering the warmth that oozed out of Jake.

What I dreaded most was forgetting. I was terrified that some day Jake's ghost on the tip of my fingers would fade away, that his face would blur, that his laugh would blow away. I dreaded the day when I would be left an empty shell, emptied of memories, emptied of what had made me, me. I could already feel the precision of his features ebb away, I had to concentrate to remember what his voice felt like, I had to strain my brain to remember what his perfect chest resembled.

Would it be like he had never been there ? Would I forget him and live a hollow life, each day as grey as the previous one ?

Up until now, each broken heart had been followed by a soothing presence, a balm to my hurt feelings. But not this time. This time I was alone, alone with my feelings, alone with my ache.

I clenched my jaw. Night was falling. I still hadn't made up my mind whether this would be the night or not, I couldn't allow Alice to see me coming, I felt sure she would look out for me. I hadn't taken any decision yet, only letting my destiny be steered by spurs, making sure she wouldn't be able to see any part of my future. She couldn't see the present, so all I had to do was to make sure I didn't take any decision beforehand. As long as I made my mind up at the last second, she wouldn't see anything.

I missed them, I missed them all. Carlisle, his calm presence; Esme, her warm smile; Rose, her affection towards me: Edward, his kindness and golden heart; Jasper, his silent support; Alice, her care; even Bella and her clumsy good will.

Jake. His warmth, his teenage innocence, his infinite love ... Or not.

How could I have trusted him so completely ? How could I have given him my heart without realizing what was happening ? How could I have been so blind ?

My days were filled with questions, while my nights were filled with longing.

I went through everything Jake had said to me. What had been a lie ? What had not ?

I knew I shouldn't torture me like that, but I couldn't help it.

Did he really love me ? Had he ever ? Had it all been a gigantic joke, had it all been a plan to destabilize my family ? I didn't put him above that.

After coming back on everything that had happened, I had come to one conclusion, that night he had meant for me to see him. He had meant for me to discover him like that, he had meant for it to strike deep and hard. Well, at least that had been successful.

Deep and Hard.

Like every time when the night fell, my brain filled with images and my cock filled with blood.

I was disgusted with myself for having those thoughts. How could I still pine over him ? How could he still arouse me ? How could I be so excited by the image of a former lover who had deliberately set out to strike where it hurt most ?

I didn't know how it was possible, but each time I was so repelled with the simple idea of jerking off thinking about Jake that my cock mercifully waned quickly. Still, the more days passed, the more frustrated I felt. At the time I would never have tried anything remotely risky, but now I would give an arm to be back in time and be allowed to fuck Jacob senseless, while holding him down under me and preventing him to so much as move a single muscle.

But I couldn't. I had wondered if that was why he didn't want me any more. Maybe I should have claimed him as mine like that, as many other guys do. Maybe I should have thrown him in bed, ripped his clothes off and fucked him mercilessly.

I didn't know any more. I didn't know anything any more.

I knew I was slowly going insane, I knew that most my thoughts were probably spurred on by the pain I was feeling, but I couldn't separate my sane moments from my less savoury ones.

I needed a way to keep myself sane, I needed to find a way to carry on with my life !

I peeked at my hand watch. 1 AM. I made a snap decision of visiting Jake in his sleep, and I ran towards the reservation. I ran at a quick pace, worried that Alice might see my decision and that the family would beat me there. Then again, as far I knew, they still weren't allowed on Quileute land, so I should be fine.

* * *

I arrived near the Black residence and immediately smelt a problem. Shifter, more than one. I considered my options quickly; turn around, barge in or try to discreetly invade Jake's bedroom. I went for the latter.

I climbed deftly up a tree, and silently jumped from tree to tree. They might smell me, but with a little luck they wouldn't think about looking up. I continued jumping from tree to tree and I arrived at the last tree before the Blacks' house.

There was a tanned man there, looking at the tree line. I think his name was Quil ... Not sure ... Anyway, he was between me and Jake, whom I needed to get to. I wasn't turning back now that I was here. The easiest way would be to distract him, so I broke a branch from the tree and threw it deep into the forest, where it landed with a loud 'Crack'.

The wolf boy tensed and looked towards the place where the sound had come from. I nearly groaned, he didn't seem like he was intending to move. Maybe I could blur past him ? After all, he probably couldn't see me if I moved fast enough seeing as he wasn't into his wolf form... Or I could probably knock him unconscious ... Yeah, that was easier, and they'd only have themselves to blame. I was keeping the jerk who shattered my heart alive, and I didn't want to have to play in whatever little game they had planned.

I jumped down the tree and launched myself towards the unsuspecting boy. He lifted his head at the last moment, but that was far too late, I slapped him hard behind the head and he fell to the ground. I quickly checked his pulse, but he didn't seem in too much danger. I didn't even feel bad about knocking him out – my moral compass probably wasn't pointing North any more.

I jumped through Jake's open window. I nearly fell on my arse. God it felt weird being back here !

A wave of memories and emotions threatened to drown me, but that's when I understood. I needed to take a chest, a key, and lock it all away. That's what I did, I locked everything away, and I imagined giving Jake the key ... Further from my reach than it could ever get.

Jake was sleeping soundly, but his breathing sounded laboured. He looked dreadful, his muscles had melted, he had bags under his eyes ... I felt an edge of guilt, I should have come earlier ! I looked around, wondering what I should do ... On his desk there was a brown A4 envelop labelled '_FOR EMMETT_'. I felt my heart lurch. Should I take a look ... ? Did I want to take the risk ?

What if he was able to convince me to stay or something, did I want to take the risk that he would hurt me like this again ? What if he made me trust him blindly again, could I take the risk that he would rip me to pieces again ?

I must have stared at it for a good hour. After a while, I noticed Jake's breath calmed down, his heart picked up a bit. Good, his body was feeling my presence. I had been worried that showing up in the middle of the night wouldn't be enough, but hopefully it would cut it.

Finally, I just couldn't help myself, I took the bloody envelop. I opened it with shaky hands.

In it were a whole bunch of papers. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Leave it to Jake to ramble on and write a novel instead of keeping it concise... Oh well, I took the first paper. It was written in Jake's manly distinct hand style, but looked very shaky ...

_Emmett, _

_I wasn't conscious when you showed up, Paul drugged me and made me do things when I was dozed off on drugs. Please, I know you have no reason to believe me, but PLEASE read Carlisle's word. There's a blood analysis he did the day after, I swear I didn't know what I was doing, I would never hurt you, I love you more than anything else. I'm sick to the stomach knowing I probably hurt you terribly, please believe me when I say there is nothing that is more important than you._

The letter carried on, but I didn't read it. This was total bullshit. Paul _drug_ Jake ? Was that his best excuse ?! Paul LOVED Jake ! He would never drug him ! He would never force him to ... whatever !

A few images flashed in my mind. Memories of another time, another drug, another kind of pain.

I snarled low and ripped the papers to pieces, before throwing them onto the ground. What the HELL was Jake playing at ?! Did he get off on hurting me ?! Did he want to lure me in so he could destroy me again ?! And how dare he involve Carlisle in all this ? I didn't even consider reading 'Carlisle's word'.

Well, too fucking late wolf ! I've locked everything away, and it's not going to work ! I looked at his sleeping form. Suddenly I felt the overwhelming urge to hurt him, to show him his pathetic plan hadn't worked.

But I could never hurt him ...

God I was so lost in my own whirlwind of emotions !

* * *

Finally I gave up fighting. It was nearly time to go, the sky was slowly lightening up. I took a few hesitant steps towards Jake's bed, before very carefully sitting on it, in front of my former lover. I smiled, he still looked so beautiful ...

I gulped. This was hard. I wanted to wake him, I wanted to take him in my arms, I wanted to make him forget about that Paul guy. But I couldn't.

I reached with a shaky hand to his cheek, which I gently stroked.

I couldn't stop a sob from escaping my lips. How had I lost this ? How had I lost him ? Had I really done something so terrible that he had gone to look for happiness somewhere else ?

I scrunched my face up, trying to contain tears, but one escaped, travelled under my nose and fell onto the mattress. I looked one last time towards Jake, whose cheek I was still stroking.

I closed my eyes tightly shut. How would I ever be able to rip myself away from this ?!

"Emmett ?" He had woken up. I blurred away.

* * *

Once I had reached a random hotel, I whipped out a wad of cash from my bag.

I locked all feelings safely away.

I went scouting for a job, and found a diner which needed a help for the cook. I had a degree in cooking, so that would do.

The day passed like lightening, I felt numb, but it felt good. As soon as the first stars appeared, I went to the nearest club. I made sure to swallow some of my own venom before, I needed that drunken state, I needed the courage.

The club was packed, the bass was thumping through my chest. Everyone was sticky with sweat and in a semi hazed state. Soon I was on the dance floor, oblivious to the world, oblivious to my own feelings, forgetting all reason.

I felt a girl grind against me, and I welcomed it.

I felt a guy grind behind me.

I spent the evening with faceless people.

I spent the night with a faceless girl.

* * *

A/N : Next chapter Tuesday !


	32. Realization

_**"Oh, but you are alone ! Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness ? In bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in around you, like hutch to trammel some wild thing in. So fair, so cold, like a morning pale spring still clinging to winter's chill."  
**_

-Grima,_ The Lord of the Rings: The Two towers  
_

A/N : Thanks to elf for the beta !

* * *

**Chapter XXXII : REALIZATION  
**

* * *

The first few days after Carlisle gave me the results were fine. I did fine. I felt sure that Emmett would turn up quickly, that this whole mess would be tended to and that we would be able to go back to where we came from.

As the days flew by, doubt seeped into my thoughts. Questions assailed me. But I kept it together.

Until Rosalie came to talk to me, four days into chaos. Dad had insisted that I carried on with my studies, which I dutifully did. As I quickly discovered, I needed something to occupy my mind; school was perfect, it took all my concentration to follow and my brain was free of Emmett. During the rest of the day, I worked in the garage on whatever I could find.

At first I had considered finishing the cabin. But then, the thought of building that without Emmett made me realize it would defeat the point of the exercise; all I would do is think about Emmett. In addition, it was a project for our future together, it felt wrong to continue without him, or to carry on while 'we' were on hold. In any case, I figured it would piss him off if I continued to build it; I think he would feel even more cheated.

I was in the garage, working on Rosalie's car. There wasn't much to do, but I think she gave it to me to repair so I would have something to focus on. Beneath the cold exterior, Rosalie really was one of the best girls I had ever met. Not only did she care immensely about Emmett; which immediately put her in my good books, but she seemed to know what I needed without me having to ask for it.

She came in on the fourth day, looking unsure. I smiled a little at her arrival, to which she answered uneasily.

"What's up ?" I asked. I had learnt when Emmett was sleeping that it was easy to mask my feelings. Even if I felt ripped up on the inside, it was easy enough to pretend like we were living in the best of worlds. It fooled most of the pack, but I don't think it fooled the Cullens or dad...

"I've been thinking ... You know how Emmett said he would come back ?"

I frowned and answered cautiously "Yes ..."

"Well, what if he comes while you're sleeping ?"

I didn't betray any reaction. Fuck ! What if he did ?! All my hopes of talking to him would blow away !

"I know him quite well, Jake. If he thinks you're happy with Paul, he'll try to make his appearance as discreet as possible. That's why I'm wondering if he'll actually show himself to you. I can see him stop by while you're sleeping, stay the night and whisk away at dawn."

I nearly rolled my eyes. Obviously, Emmett, forever the knight in shining armour, would do anything to make me happy, including never show his face to me if he thought I didn't want to see him.

"That's not it. If I'm right, and he thinks you're with Paul, he won't want to put himself through the pain and humiliation of facing you. If he didn't demand an explanation that night, I doubt he'll do it now ..."

Made sense too. If I were Emmett, the last thing I would want would be to face my ex-lover. I clenched my jaw. Why hadn't I thought of that ?! I was supposed to know him well !

I shook my head, never mind that ! The real question was: now that I know it, how to make sure I got my chance to talk to him or at least how to make sure I got a message to him ?

"So I was thinking, we should have someone watching out. Maybe not now, I think he won't want to come to often, so he'll probably wait at least a week before showing up, but to make sure you get your chance to talk to him, I think it'd be a good idea to have someone awake. If he waits too long before coming, you will be too tired to stay awake, but my family doesn't need to sleep, so if it's alright with Sam, I'll make sure someone is around your house."

"I – Rosalie ... I ... Thank you ..." I stuttered lamely.

"Don't worry about it, I told you I'd make sure you'd get your chance to talk to him. And since you were drugged enough to sedate an elephant, it's pretty clear none of this is your fault. Just ask Sam if he's ok with it first, no need to make this mess even more messy."

I nodded "Yeah, I'll do that right away. Thanks again."

"Might if I tag along ? I'd like to talk to him about arsehole." I chuckled, she was referring to Paul, that was his new nick-name. I had to admit, it suited him quite well !

"Sure, let's go !" I wiped my hands clean and we set off to Sam's.

"Are you doing OK ?" She asked in a little voice.

I shrugged "There are ups and downs. Day is alright, evening is not. I haven't been able to really think about anything yet, I just try to keep it together ..."

She hummed "You might not want to hear this right now, but you should sort out your head before Em' comes, you'll need a clear mind. If you haven't faced all the emotions, you might have to face them when he shows up, and that won't make things easier. I know it's easier to stay in denial, but you're not doing yourself a service."

I grimaced. She was right, but I didn't want to face it all. At least not yet. There was too much. I had been able to contain the dam until then, and it felt pretty good. Like she said, it was easier.

I didn't answer, and we walked in silence until we reached Sam's cabin.

Sam strode out, scowling and declaring "I smell a vamp-" He stopped short when sighting Rosalie, and his scowl deepened. I knew he didn't like the idea of a vampire around his imprint, but honestly, he could go fuck himself for all I cared. If he still didn't get that the Cullens were absolutely no threat, then it was his own damn fault !

"What are you doing here ?" He almost barked.

Rosalie sneered "Calm down, dog, I'm here to help Jake, not to start World War 3." Did I mention I loved her ?

Sam's glare shifted to me, but I remained unfazed, simply explaining "We think Em' will show up in the middle of the night, so Rosalie offered to watch out for him, but she thought we should ask before."

Sam squinted "Come in." I bristled. Now what ? Couldn't he simply have said 'no problem' ? I really didn't want to go through the Inquisition right now !

Rosalie sniffed "Actually you two stink enough out here in the open, so I'd appreciate it if we could keep it here where I actually can breathe."

Before Sam could lash out, I said "Well, you stink too, except you don't have to breathe, so let's play along, alright ?"

She stopped breathing and followed Sam inside. God, even after seeing Emmett stop breathing a time or two, it seemed bloody weird ! I followed suit, and the Alpha led us to the living room, where Emily and Leah were sitting. I noticed the two had gotten quite close. Maybe Leah realized how much of a slave an imprinter was since this whole mess ?

We all sat down, and Sam explained what the hell this was all about "Are you sure that your imprint will come during the night ?"

"Yes, almost. Besides, I don't see what the fuss is about, if Rosalie offers to do this, I'm not about to refuse just because. You know how it is, doing anything for an imprint ? It's not like it's going to deprive them from sleep or anything ..." I felt like rolling my eyes, but Sam was all about _respect_ so I didn't. Seriously, what was the fuss about ?

He nodded "Well, I think we can take care of this."

"We ?" I asked, confused.

"The pack. I offered my help last time, and I meant it, if we can help, then we will !"

I groaned "Sam, no point hiring the whole pack and exhaust them all for that."

Leah butted in "Actually, I'm in. You imprinted, Jake, and you have a shot at being really happy. I'm not letting that go to waste."

"Look, it's very nice of you but-"

"Jake, just let us do this, alright ?"

"It's because of your pack of mutts that all this happened ! Besides, I really don't trust you with Emmett." Rosalie interjected.

Sam puffed up like an outraged rooster "What do you mean ?!"

"Calm down, Sam." Emily put a hand on his shoulder as she said that. It was ridiculous how quickly Sam deflated and calmed down.

Rosalie and Leah shared a knowing look. Two bitches together, they would certainly make a fine pair ! Leah spoke up "Would you trust one of us with one of them, Sam ?"

Sam looked about to say something about the female coalition, but Emily's hand stroked his shoulder slowly, and he stayed silent. I have to admit, it was hard not to fall to the ground laughing, seeing him seething but unable to open it. I probably would have – laughed my eyes out – had it not been for the whole situation.

Rosalie took on a more diplomatic position "Right now, Emmett is like a wounded bear. Try to corner him and he'll get very dangerous."

Sam rolled his eyes "We are big boys, we can take care of ourselves. We're not afraid of him."

Rosalie laughed low "I've been told the tales of the training sessions before a certain bitch redhead showed up, you know. So unless you plan on having three of your boys stay up every night, I think that's pride talking." God, I should really get myself a domesticated Rosalie as a pet… I'd use it as a guard dog in front of Emmett and my future house ! I shook my head. What was it with me and stupid thoughts ? I should be crying my eyes out and gnawing my nails off, but instead I was having the most stupid thoughts !

Sam, still kept on a tight leash by an Emily sporting a warm smile, looked about to boil over. Suddenly I was starting to wonder if Rosalie had put on this whole thing to lighten my spirits. But that was unlikely. She was pragmatic and realistic, she didn't do too well with sentiments and emotions.

Sam took a deep breath "I still want us to take care of this." He declared, looking calm.

Rosalie huffed "Look, you're not listening. You know how strong Emmett is, this is your pride talking. If you try to corner him and talk to him, I can't promise he won't actually kill to escape. You have to understand, he's got a big soft heart, this will have cut deep. And what if he knocks one of you hard ? What then ? Can you promise you won't hurt him ? You know better than me that's it's easy for you to go crazy with anger, particularly if you get your arse handed to you by a vampire. I warn you, if you harm him because of a stupid vendetta, there will be hell to pay !"

That silenced Sam.

Rosalie: 1 - Sam: 0

If he could pretend to be strong enough not to be killed, the fact that Emily was sitting at an arm's length with her disfiguring scar proved he could not deny the second fact. He also knew that if he did harm Emmett, after the fact that Paul had tried to kill him once, and deliberately set to hurt him by drugging me; Carlisle wouldn't be lenient…. And if the worst came and war was declared, he wouldn't be able to count on my support. That and the fact that he couldn't trust Paul anymore put him in quite a position of inferiority. Which he probably hated.

"We could always stay in our human form." He suggested. That, I had to say, wasn't such a bad idea.

"That's a terrible idea. You'd be completely defenceless and Emmett could pas you through without you even so much as having a hint about it."

Sam huffed "I know that ! What I was thinking is having pairs of two. One wolf form patrolling in the forest around the house and a human form waiting right under Jake's window."

I started to get irritated to hear them talk about babysitting me without even asking for my opinion. "What if-"

Rosalie cut me out "Oh, yeah, that's brilliant. That way all Emmett has to do is slap the back of the head of the human one to knock him unconscious and _walk_ past him !"

Sam glowered "You're assuming he could get past the wolf easily !"

"HEY !" I bellowed "This is me you're talking about ! Mind if I venture an opinion ?!" They both turned to me and gaped. "Thanks, I was going to suggest you could team a wolf and a vam-"

"Not happening." Sam said. I huffed, damned dim-witted backwards stupid Alpha !

"Actually, seeing as this is our territory, I'm just going to set up patrols, it's not like anyone could actually stop me."

Rosalie and I rolled our eyes, before she turned to me again "I'm leaving, it's not even worth trying to get through that thick skull of his." She turned back to Sam "I hope Emmett hands your arses to you, I can't wait to see you crawl by the mansion with your pathetic tails between your legs."

Sam growled "Get. Out." Not particularly feeling like staying with a pissed Sam, I followed Rosalie out.

"Well, that didn't go so well ..." She said.

"Fucking Alpha pride ... He's going to blow the whole plan because he can't admit he needs help." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"We could still watch out, you know. He did allow us to come and see you, so he can't really forbid us to do this. And he didn't tell us not to do anything either, he just said he'd have patrols too."

I sighed "No, thanks, but it'd only create problems that I really don't want to deal with right now."

She patted my shoulder "Don't worry, if you miss him this time I'll involve Carlisle."

I smiled. Funny how she could turn disaster scenario into something to look forward to ... I had to admit, having Carlisle on my side was quite ... empowering. That night after he gave me the results, he had gone to make a dozen copies saying 'you never know'. Then he said to ask him if I needed anything, no matter how ridiculous.

Talking about copies ... "I'm going to leave a word for him. He'll probably stay a good while, so hopefully he'll stumble on it if it's obvious enough. Then I just have to hope he'll read it, but it doesn't cost anything to try."

Rosalie nodded, lost in her thoughts, before warning me "Be careful what you say in there... He might only read the first lines, so don't ramble, get to the point, yes ?"

I hummed "Yeah, I'll probably spend a few days agonizing a good letter."

"Anyway ! Enough with the heavy ! How about I help you to work on my car ?"

Thank God for Rosalie.

* * *

One week into this mess. Rosalie, Bella and Seth did their best to keep me distracted. It was more or less working, I had been able to keep the dam from breaking, and my brain was more or less worry and question free.

Only problem, I was starting to feel weak. I knew that if Emmett and I had parted on good terms, then I could probably have lasted at least another week before starting to lose energy. Considering that last he saw me I had been sucking off someone else, I couldn't say we had parted on good terms. Although, since he hadn't actually rejected me or anything, I guess it could be worse.

Anyway, back to the point. I didn't feel rested when I slept anymore, I had constant bags under my eyes, and my mind was surrounded by a constant shroud of mist. Soon I would have to stay in bed all day long… For now I could continue with my routine, school, garage, but not for long.

I was with Bella, we were in the garage, and she engaged me in small talk while I worked on her truck. Again, nothing much to do, details, polishing; but I was still grateful for the work.

"They're going ice skating tomorrow, Edward and I thought we'd go. Do you want to come ?"

I hummed non-commitently before asking "Could you pass me that screw driver ?"

She reached for what I asked and handed it to me. I tried to snatch it, but my hand started to shake and it fell.

"Jake, you're shaking !"

"I know" I mumbled. I was starting to feel miserable. Soon my muscle mass would start to melt, too. "I think I'm going to go rest. Sorry for being such lame company ..." I stood up with effort and trudged off home without waiting for an answer.

I made my way to bed and slumped down on it, not bothering to strip down. The brown envelope with Emmett's name was on my desk, waiting for someone to read it. It had taken me three days to get a satisfying result.

* * *

Two weeks. I was in bed, shivering. I had yet to break down, for which I was thankful.

The trouble was, I hadn't even started dealing with everything, so if Emmett showed up I would be a mess. But I just couldn't bring myself to care about anything.

I shivered again. Dad had bought me a thick quilt, but it even that wasn't enough to keep me warm anymore. I had managed to drag myself to school Friday, but I wouldn't be able to make it Monday...

I was looking miserable and I knew it. I looked about as skinny as Seth before he phased, I couldn't keep any food down. Each morning I would jump up despite my protesting muscles, check on the untouched envelope and ask Sam if whoever had been patrolling if they had seen Emmett. Of course, I knew right as I awoke that he hadn't, seeing as I was still so weak; I couldn't help but hope.

I fell asleep.

* * *

I opened my eyes. A white figure was sitting on my bed, his eyes closed, his skin shining like diamonds. I was feeling much better. My cheek was cool, I hadn't felt that in a long time ...

My sleep hazed brain made me mutter "Emmett ?"

Before I had time to wake up, he was gone.

I blinked a few times. What the hell just happened ?!

I sat up. I was feeling brilliant ! All my muscles had mysteriously re-appeared and I was starving.

Then my brain finally decided to switch on. There was a red stain on my mattress..

EMMETT ! He was here !

I jumped out of bed and started running out, until I noticed something was sticking to my foot. A piece of brown paper. What –

My room was littered with pieces of shredded paper ! My eyes travelled to my desk, where the envelope had been. And where it wasn't anymore. It didn't take long before my brain computed the litter of paper and the absentee envelope.

Emmett had ripped it apart !

I frowned. What the fuck happened ? I grabbed a pair of shorts and ran out after jumping into them.

"Quil !" I exclaimed, seeing my pack mate lying lifeless on the ground. Please tell me he wasn't ...

I slumped next to him and a finger reached under him to his throat, where I felt a steady pulse beating. I sighed, relieved.

"Quil !" I turned him to his back and tapped his cheek lightly, hoping he'd wake up.

"Uuuuurgh..." He groaned, grimacing and opening his eyes.

"Quil, what happened ?" I couldn't afford to wait until he felt better; I needed to know right away what had happened !

He frowned and started to come to. "Jake ! He was here ! Your imprint !" He tried to stand up, but brought a hand behind his head and grunted.

"Fucker was hiding in a tree, then he jumped on me and knocked me down !"

"Watch your tongue !" I growled before I could stop myself.

Quil's eyes widened "Seth ! He was patrolling in wolf form ! We need to check he's alright !"

I jumped to my feet, worried what Emmett might have done. I stripped down and shifted.

_Seth ! Seth, you there ?_ I called out.

There was no answer. I frowned, someone was in wolf form though ... I tried to focus on whoever thought's I could detect. They weren't making any sense, something about a wolf chasing after a deer, before it all changed and the wolf was chasing the tail of another wolf, before it changed again and Seth was naked over –

I closed my eyes. Yuk. Wet dream while in wolf form. Not a smart move, Seth ...

Hey ! That meant he was sleeping ! I phased back and slipped on to my clothes, before turning back to Quil.

"He's alright, he's sleeping in wolf form."

Quil sighed "He must have fallen asleep while patrolling last night. No offense, Jake, but we're all really tired ..."

I rolled my eyes "No doubt. If Sam had let the Cullens do this you wouldn't be exhausted."

We sniffed a few times and walked towards the strong musky smell of wolf. I wrinkled my noise, the smell of a horny wolf ...

We reached Seth, who was dry humping the ground while sleeping. Quil and I blushed before I courageously went up to Seth and swatted his large heard. That was enough to startle him awake. He eyed me a few seconds before shaking the sleep out of his head.

I noticed his wolf erection subside quickly. God, living in a pack could be so embarrassing ! I sighed, stripped down and phased again.

_Hum ... hey, Jake ..._ He sounded quite ashamed but I couldn't care less.

_Did you see Emmett ?_

_Hum ..._

_What ? Tell me !_

_I kinda ... Fell asleep quickly ... I'm sorry, Jake, I just –_

_Never mind. _I answered, before phasing back and striding home after putting my clothes back.

* * *

I was sitting on my bed, elbows on knees and chin in hands. What was I supposed to do now ?

Was I supposed to just wait for the next time Em' came, then the next one, then the next one, then the next one, without ever actually seeing him ?

The dam was pretty near from breaking and letting the waters drown everything. I had no clue what I should do.

I shook my head, lost. What would mom have said in this case ?

I smiled absent mindedly, I know what she would have said '_Life isn't easy Jacob. Fight for what you want, don't let anything get you down. Cry when you need to, laugh when you want to, but don't give up.' _

I could also see my dad's answer. He'd look up at me from his wheelchair and say something like '_I'm partly paralyzed, I've lost the woman of my life, my two daughters have moved away, but I don't whine. I'm happy to have you, I enjoy everything I can enjoy.'_

That didn't make it easier. But to hell with easy ! I refused to let this get me down. I'd continue to go to school, get my degree, enjoy everything I could enjoy, and hope for better times. There wasn't much else I could do…

Running after Emmett would only make things worse. I could only hope he'd give me the chance to explain myself someday or that he would talk to his family and realize the situation wasn't what he thought.

I spent most of the day agonizing a new letter for Emmett. I doubted he'd read it after ripping the first one apart, but I didn't cost anything to try. At the end of the day, though, I still hadn't got a satisfying result. It didn't take me long to wonder why, first I needed to figure out what was wrong with the previous one. I still remembered most of it, but couldn't figure out where he had given up on reading, or if he had read the whole thing and simply refused to believe it.

When dusk fell, Rosalie's words came back to mind _"You might not want to hear this right now, but you should sort out your head before Em' comes, you'll need a clear mind. If you haven't faced all the emotions, you might have to face them when he shows up, and that won't make things easier. I know it's easier to stay in denial, but you're not doing yourself a service."_

Another reason why I couldn't come up with a good letter… I still hadn't allowed any of the feelings to get to me, or any of the issues to trouble me. The first letter started with saying that Paul had drugged me or something like that. Well, Emmett had probably not read further than that. He probably had thought that a pack member drugging another one was a big joke. It kind of was, wasn't it ? The most un-funny joke I had ever heard. How could I get Emmett to believe me if I barely believed it myself ?

I huffed. Well, if I had been honest from the beginning this wouldn't have gone down the same way. If only I had told Emmett about the whole Paul issue, he wouldn't have taken off like that. Now I needed to face the consequences of my fuck ups. I hadn't told him because the more time passed the more difficult it was to come up with an answer to the obvious question "Why are you only telling me this now ?"

Now that I realized how wrong I had been to keep my mouth shut, I didn't have the possibility to be honest with him anymore.

I took a deep breath. For all my talk of not letting this get me down, it wouldn't be easy. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut when I felt a tear threatening to fall. How could I have lied to him like that ?

I could only imagine how I would feel if there had been a girl chasing after him for over a month that he hadn't told me about. Just like he would have had to trust me with my reaction, I should have trusted him. Why didn't I trust him ? Hadn't he proven times and times again that he was trust worthy ?

Well, he had gone off on his own to protect me, but not only was it different, I think he really understood that had been a mistake, and a dangerous one at that. I should have trusted him to listen to me and not gone overboard. Just like when I complained that one time about him being overprotective and he had changed immediately, I should have trusted he wouldn't run off to do something overly stupid. So WHY DIDN'T I ?

I had no idea why I didn't trust him. He was my imprint, I should trust him just because ! Granted, the fact that he was a vampire changed things, but still, it wasn't like all this imprinting stuff was new or anything !

The more I wondered, the more I realized this probably had something to do with the second issue I had had. The whole thing about me wanting to bottom but not wanting at the same time. How childish I was … Why the fuck did it even matter ? I was happy, he was too, why should anything else matter ?! How could I have let something like hypothetical future sex come between us ? And I won't even ask why I didn't trust him with my insecurities, that point has been made.

The reason for all those problems fell from the sky in the middle of the night. Simple; I was a proud guy, and I didn't like to let anyone 'protect' me, take me for a girl, or anything like that. I simply had issues about what other people and I thought of myself. I was too proud. My dad had raised me to be proud, the descendant of Ephraïm Black, leader of the Quileute Tribe.

I had to let go of the stupid pride that was ruining everything !

I snorted; easier said than done… I was staring right at the ceiling, figuring how to do this.

Something didn't make sense, as an imprinted I should be anything Emmett wanted and needed me to be. So then, why couldn't I be a little less proud, a little less hell-bent on staying the man among men and a little less of a right jerk ?

* * *

Sunday I needed to have a talk with Sam. Rosalie showed up, and immediately noticed I was much better, deducing Emmett had been around. Of course, seeing as she hadn't seen him and that he wasn't with me, she also deduced that he hadn't lingered after his nightly excursion in wolf territory. We decided to go talk to Sam together, hoping to sway him and let the Cullens patrol.

We strutted off to his cabin, where we found him enjoying a lazy morning with his Imprint.

"Jake, Miss" He acknowledged us, nodding curtly.

Emily, despite Sam's scowl, came to hug us both. Rosalie stiffened when she did, but otherwise seemed rather pleased.

"I was wondering if you'd let the Cullens patrol now." I said.

He rolled his eyes "We have already had this discussion."

"Except from what Jake tells me, your pack got your ass handed to them or simply fell asleep on duty. So why don't you stop with your misplaced pride and let us take care of this instead ?"

"Don't worry, we'll get him next time."

"It's not a question of 'getting him' !" I bristled. The idiot wasn't getting the whole point of this !

He shrugged "If you guys want to patrol too, feel free, but I'm not stopping simply because Seth fell asleep."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter Sunday !


	33. Nudging the Brink

_**"You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."**_

-Obi Wan,_ Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi_

A/N: (*)I am guessing very few (if any) of you know who Marina Nemat is. She's an Iranian author living in Canada (last I know) who has written two books _Prisoner of Tehran_ and _After Tehran_. Anyone interested in the world we live in should really read at least the first of those two. The first book retails the imprisonment for almost two decades of Marina Nemat. During those years, she was repeatedly tortured, raped, forced to wed one of her jailors. She writes to raise awareness from Canada, where she has received political exile from Iran where she is sentenced to death. This book is difficult to read but extraordinary, I advice any good reader to read this. Having seen the author in person and read her book, I can tell you it's worth it.

A/N 2: Trivial now, but as usual, thank you to elf' for the beta ! Also thanks to some awesome reviews, they're getting more and more interesting, with people challenging the story and posing brilliant questions !

* * *

**Chapter XXXIII: NUDGING THE BRINK  
**

* * *

Four months into this hell.

After the first time Emmett had been around, he came back one week after, before anyone started patrolling, so he didn't have any problem slipping into my room. Then he came at irregular frequencies. Somehow, he always showed up when no one was around to stop him, or he slipped through effortlessly.

Rosalie had offered to stay in my room all night until he showed up, but I simply couldn't agree to that. I still had some measure of pride and decency – not even mentioning intimacy.

I graduated, dad was overly happy, and I would be eighteen before the summer was out, which meant I finally would be allowed to do whatever I wanted. Not that it mattered very much, but I grabbed satisfaction wherever I could find it.

Bella, Rose and Edward stopped by frequently, and most of the time they were able to cheer me up. How, I will never know.

Now that Bella and Edward had graduated, though, they planned on seeing the world together for a year, before coming back to marry and change the bride, so to speak. They were happy together... I probably should have been disturbed that she wanted to be turned, but they were so happy together I just couldn't; I had slowly started to understand that you have to grab happiness where and when you can. That's what they were doing, and they were right.

I wish I had had the same chance with Emmett ... I wish I had understood that before all this happened. But I hadn't, I'd been stupid and foolish.

I seriously had no idea how I had been able to resist this long without ever breaking. I mean, I hadn't curled up in a ball on my bed and cried every single tear I had in me; why was that ? Wasn't that what I was supposed to do ?!

I was lying in bed, it had been nearly two weeks since Emmett's last appearance. He was late. Usually he showed up before I got all jelly-like and exhausted ... Maybe something happened to him ? I felt my stomach knot together, exactly like every single time his name crossed my mind.

As much as I enjoyed Bella, Rose – and even Edward's – company, they didn't understand. Well, Bella kind of did, but still, I'd been there to cheer her up when her dear fiancé pulled a disappearing act. In theory she was there for me now, but it wasn't the same. I'd been in love with her, I'd shown her real love in exchange, while she was 'only' a good friend, it wasn't the same.

I heard a branch crack outside my window. Probably Sam and whoever else was out on patrol ... I rolled my eyes, Sam's last brilliant idea was to try and catch Emmett red-handed, so to speak. He wanted to wait until Emmett was in my room then surprise him there.

Idiot. My Emmett would never fall for something so pathetically dim witted. He'd escaped any encounter for the last four months, he wasn't likely to show himself to anyone unless he wanted to.

A new envelope was on my desk, but it was the same as the one I had prepared about four months ago after the ripped the first one up. He hadn't so much as touched another one since then, but that was no surprise.

Alice had seen flashes of his future and run off with Jasper to try and catch him, but each time he was long gone. I learnt bribes of whatever he was up to. He'd found work as a cook in different diners or restaurants, he'd worked as a –yikes- stripper in a straight club once – but the owner said Emmett had refused to so much as be touched by anyone. He'd been fireman too, for a little while, until the manager suspected something when Emmett entered a burning building and came back without so much as a scratch.

I smiled at the thought. I never dwelled on the fact that Emmett seemed to have built a new life for himself – without me –his trademark care and attention always made me smile of fondness. I must have been in some kind of PTSD, because I was literally unable to produce a single tear... Brought to memory of Iranian Marina Nemat (*), who, after her ordeal, hadn't been able to cry. But it was ridiculous to compare myself to her. Compared to her, what happened to me was insignificant.

Anyway, Emmett. I could still feel his thumb stroke my cheek from that one time when he came about four months ago. That first time where he'd touched me before disappearing. Since then, he hadn't touched me again, he probably stayed safely away. I could only hope it was to avoid temptation ...

Well, I discovered that night that I didn't have PTSD or anything.

Now that I had graduated, there wasn't anything else to focus on, nothing to dive into to forget. What was I supposed to do now ?

I curled up in a ball on my bed. Had Emmett really made a new life for himself somewhere else ?

Unconsciously, my hand started stroking my cheek, where my Imprint had touched me four month ago, the last pitiful contact I had had with him. Soon, my thumb was wet, covered in the tears that ran down.

Was he happy somewhere else without me ?

Did he even love me anymore ?

What if it was too late ? What if he had someone else ?

I couldn't stop a sob. I didn't want Emmett to leave me ! I didn't want to be alone again, I didn't want to be alone any more !

I cried openly. What did I do to deserve this ? What did I ever to do the spirits ? Why did I have to suffer so much ?

The pain in my chest which had been growing over the months started to become unbearable. The pain of Emmett's absence, his sadness, his pain, the guilt for doing this to him. I was feeling everything and it was becoming too much.

Someone help !

* * *

I woke up the following morning feeling as tired as ever.

I woke up knowing what I needed to do. I needed to talk to Paul. He would understand. And I could understand him.

I slowly got up out of bed, and wobbled on shaky legs towards his house. As much as I hated what he had done, I simply couldn't hate him. I couldn't. Why couldn't I ?

In any case, I needed to close that chapter. We hadn't seen each other since, and I needed closure, I needed to see him.

I had come to understand a number of things with the time that passed. First, this had all happened because I hadn't been truthful with Emmett, so if I wanted a future with him I couldn't lie, I would have to talk about everything and anything, just like he did.

Secondly, I realized how childish I had been. Who cared about what anyone thought ? Who cared if anyone thought I was girly, I knew I wasn't and Emmett knew it too. That's all that counted. After all that happened, I had come to realize that I couldn't allow myself to spoil the happiness that we could have, it was too precious.

For the rest, as long as I talked to Emmett about anything that troubled me, I felt certain we could work it out. The problem was when I didn't talk to him. How I wished I could talk to him now ... How I wished I had talked to him then !

I arrived at Paul's. I wasn't even sure he was home, but my head wasn't on my shoulders right about then... Oh well, I'd just have to knock and see !

Which I did.

Paul's mother opened.

"Oh, Jacob ..." Two weeks without Emmett. I must have looked dreadful, but to be honest, I couldn't care less.

"Hello, I'm sorry to show up like this, but I would like to talk to Paul."

She frowned "Hum, I don't know if it's a good –"

I cut her off. Too hell with politeness "Look, just tell me if he's there or not. I need to talk to him, and he owes me _at least_ that !"

She gulped nervously, before nodding slowly. Then she turned towards the house and yelled "PAUL ! YOU HAVE VISITOR !" She turned back to me "Jacob, I –"

I cut her off again "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault." She nodded again, looking sad, before bidding me good bye and returning inside. Not long after, heavy footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and Paul appeared, looking ragged.

His eyes widened when he saw me, but he didn't say anything, simply standing awkwardly by the door. I sighed, oh, yes, Sam's orders "It's fine, you can talk and come near and everything like that. Just don't touch me."

"Thanks..." He mumbled, before asking low "What are you doing here ?"

"I want to talk." He nodded. He looked incredibly deflated, I had known him cocky with an eternal smirk, but not meek and weak like this. "Is it alright if we go to my place ?" Second nod.

We walked home in silence. Fortunately dad wasn't home when we got there. I led him silently to my room. I had no idea what I was doing, but I felt like I needed answers. Before I had the time to talk, though, he asked shyly.

"What happened to you ?"

I sat down on my bed, while he took the chair to my desk. I frowned "What ?"

"You look terrible ..."

"Oh, that's what happens when Emmett is away too long."

"What ?!"

"You didn't think the stories about dying without being near my imprint were a myth, did you ?"

He lowered his head "I – I ... I didn't know, I just ..." His face went blank. How could he not know ?

"Paul, I need to know. Why did you do what you did ? Why did you become so creepy ? It's like you became nuts ! We're supposed to be a pack ! I don't understand !"

He started toying with his shirt's hem. I gave him some time to think.

After a little while he said "I don't know ... I just ..." He shrugged "You know I never think anything through, I just _do_ ! I know it's not an excuse, but I've always felt strongly about you, since before you joined the pack. And then, when you finally shifted, you didn't even look at me ! And then you imprinted on a – on a – on"

"On a vampire."

He frowned "Yes. I just blew it, and I guess ... I just went in denial." He looked up "I know I've got a screw loose, Jake, I don't know why I did everything I did. I've spent the last four months feeling terrible, I know you'll never forgive me, but I just want you to know, I ..." He shook his head, at a loss for words.

I squinted my eyes "And why d'you suddenly feel bad when you'd been harassing me for about two months before that night ?"

He lowered his head again "I guess it just made me realize how crazy it all was. And now seeing you like this..." He looked up again, his eyes shiny with tears. He sniffed "I've been seeing a shrink, you know. Mom said I needed professional help, so we went to the shrink on the res'. I could tell her the whole story, and it's been doing me good."

I had to admit, I was impressed. I thought I'd get a flirting Paul who I'd be able to hit or something, but instead I got something else entirely. He took a deep steadying breath "I still love you though. But I won't come near you again, with or without Sam's order, I swear. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I swear I'll never bother you again."

I flashed an empty smiled "I think that's pretty much what Emmett feels right now."

"God Jake I'm so sorry. I know words will never cover it, but if there's any way I could tell him what I-"

I snorted "He won't even talk to his own family, I doubt he'll talk to you."

"Is there no way to find him ?" I shook my head no.

"I haven't seen him in four months." My voice broke on the last word. Saying it out loud was much worse than thinking it. I could feel my eyes fill with tears, and before I could stop myself I went to hug Paul.

Despite it all, we shared the same pain. Neither of us could have the one we wanted, and we hadn't seen the one we loved in four months.

He nestled his head in my neck, and I felt his tears trickle down on my shirt.

"Shit, Jake, I'm so sorry. I fucked up, I fucked everything up for you. I'm so sorry ... I'm going to do anything I can to make this right, I swear."

I simply used his shoulder to cry. I didn't care if either of us was using the other one; we were both using each other.

We stayed like this for a while. Then Paul raked his brains for ideas to bring Emmett back to me until night fell. We were lying in bed side by side.

"I'm going to leave. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me, but I understand if you don't. What I did was unforgivable. If you ever need anything, you only need to ask." An idea popped into my head.

"Paul ... Could you ... Stay tonight ?"

He frowned "Jake ... Look, I promised I'd never lay a hand on you again, but I don't trust myself in your bed beside you sleeping. I have to be honest, I can't let you give me false hopes either ..."

"I know, but ... Emmett might show up tonight, he's already late. I know I'm asking a lot, but you don't need to stay all night, if by midnight he isn't here you don't need to stay. And I could sleep in the chair, I don't care, I just-"

"You shouldn't trust me around you seeing what happened, Jake."

"Look ! I'm desperate, ok ? I don't really trust you, but you seem changed. I don't have anything to lose, alright ? I've already lost the only thing I could lose !"

"Alright. I'll stay on the chair." He stood up, and moved the chair as far away from the bed as possible, in the dark corner opposed to it. Then he clenched his jaw, and set his eyes determinedly on me before declaring "I'll stay all night, and I promise I won't so much as move from the chair unless he comes. I'll do this as many times as you want me to."

"Thanks." Was all I could say. I went to bed all clothed – no need to tempt the devil.

"Jake, what'd you want me to do if he comes ? You realize he'll probably just storm away, right ?"

I swallowed "Yes. I don't know, I guess if you could just try to say you ..."

"Drugged and molested you ?" His face didn't betray any emotion. I nodded.

"Alright. But please don't be angry with me if this doesn't work." I nodded again and let sleep take me.

The next morning I noticed right away that I was as fit and rested as every single time Emmett had stopped by. I immediately jerked my eyes open and sat up, before wincing. The sun was bright and the sudden movement made me dizzy.

When my eyes got used to the light and my brain stopped acting out, I noticed Paul sat, lit up by a ray of sun, looking at me sadly.

"Good morning, Jake. I'm sorry." He shook his head.

I frowned "What ? Emmett came, right ?"

"Yes. He asked if I would allow him to stay, and I said yes. Then when I tried to say something he said that he'd blur away if I opened my mouth one more time. I tried to wake you, but he said he'd leave if I did that too... I'm sorry."

I nodded. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, but it didn't change much. The result was the same, Emmett was still gone.

"Do you want me to leave ?"

"Yes, please ..." He nodded and strode out without looking back.

I slumped back down on my bed.

What now ?

I felt numb...

Why should I continue like this ?

* * *

A/N: Next chapter Wednesday !


	34. The Best of the Worst

_**"How do you pick up the threads of an old life ? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand. There is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts are too deep. They have taken hold."**_

- Frodo,_ The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King_

* * *

**Chapter XXXIV : THE BEST OF THE WORST  
**

* * *

**Emmett's Point of View**

**[Flashback]**

Like every time I went to see Jacob, I first had to breach the pitiful defence that ridiculous pack of dogs set up. Like they could stop me even if they wanted to ... That Sam guy really was an idiot. Didn't he get that I was doing this to make Jake survive ? Didn't he get I didn't want to see anyone ?! Why couldn't he just give up ?!

I breathed deeply, calming myself. No sense winding myself up, being a whole night around Jake's intoxicant smell would be trial enough.

Like every time too, I climbed up a tree and jumped from tree to tree until the last one. These idiots still didn't get that I loomed well above them ? How thick can you get ? And how could they pretend to protect their pitiful humans if they can't even spot a vampire ?!

Anyway, there was no one around Jake's house. Well, maybe they did learn, then ! I bashed a couple of the guys they left. When there was a wolf I simply didn't bother. This night I simply jumped towards his window and climbed into his room. This night I was in for a surprise.

Paul.

Fuck.

What now ?

I nearly rolled my eyes. I really did not want to leave and come back ! Particularly as it had been two weeks since my last visit. I'd been busy almost every single night for Fuck's sake ! Late nights at the restaurant, worried girlfriend, need to hunt, the whole deal !

"Do you mind if I stay ? Jake really needs it right now ..."

"Of course." He didn't move from the chair, so I simply went to sit in the free corner – the one not taking by the door, the bed or Paul- and slumped down.

"Look, I dru-"

"STOP. You talk to me again I leave right away. I'm just here to make sure Jake survives. Don't make me sick with your love stories." I stood up, ready to leave. If someone talked to me once more about Jake being drugged, I would destroy something. Those idiots had no idea how serious being drugged was. They had no right to joke about these kinds of things !

He shut his mouth and didn't seem to want to open it again.

I couldn't believe they were still going with that drug story... How could they think I'd fall for that ?! I mean, would Jake allow that idiot to be around him while he slept if he had drugged him and whatever ? Of course not ! And it'd be stupid to even consider the idiot had drugged Jake ! The idiot fucking loved him for Hell's Sake !

I rolled my eyes. Between this and the patrols, they really seemed to think I was an idiot... The funniest was that even my own family had been running around. I smirked to myself, they didn't know I had a way of making myself almost undetectable ... I'd stumbled on this girl one night who was wearing a perfume that smelt like the forest. Weird, but true. So I'd bought it, and now nobody could smell me coming !

Ed' didn't seem to hear my thoughts. He was the one who worried me most with Alice. So far I'd been able to decide everything last second – well more or less. At least I had had time to split before she showed up. As for Ed', if he ever heard my thoughts, he'd sure be able to catch up with me. Then I would either have to hear him ramble on about poor Jake or whatever OR hitting him. Neither was very appealing, but his range for hearing thoughts probably wasn't that impressive, seeing as I'd never had problems with him. Or maybe he did hear my thoughts and realized it was pointless. Whichever, I was happy.

Jake. I hoped he was happy. I knew I wasn't, but I didn't really care anymore... Since that first night I visited, I'd been able to lock everything away and stay completely numb. Thank fuck for that, too !

No, as long as he was happy, I would be alright.

Well, I did have needs that had to be met, but that girl I had found was good enough for that. I wasn't even sure what her name was, but she seemed to think we were deeply in love or something. Not that I cared, as long as she accepted to ride me every now and then I couldn't be fucked with the details. I couldn't let myself to go wild, and I discovered not only that it was relatively easy, but that letting her ride me made things easier. I simply wasn't really in charge. Anyway, she barely turned me on, I'd always think of how Jake wriggled under my hands when I had pinned him down in the bath that one time. Or the first time when I barely had to touch his cock before he came... That'd get me hard enough to satisfy her.

Maybe that meant I could have taken more risks with Jake ?

Bah, no use thinking about that now. I had a nice enough job at a quiet restaurant with no questions asked, a girl to lower my libido, and enough money to live forever – quite literally. All that was more than enough for someone emotionless and who had given up on his own happiness.

I still wondered if Jake was happy... I turned to study Paul. He was looking at me hard, like he wanted to yell at me or something. Wonder what that was all about... He should be giving me a medal for what I gave up so they could be happy !

Nonetheless, there was something I wanted to ask "Is Jake happy with you ?"

He raised his eyebrows "We're not together. We never were."

I obviously wouldn't get the truth from him. I wasn't even sure why I tried.

No, actually, I did, I knew why I tried; I loved Jake.

**[End Flashback]**

I will always remember that day. That day was probably the worst and the best of my life. The tenth of August 2013. That day I got the worst and the best surprise of my life. Well, maybe I am exaggerating, but not much.

About five months since I caught Jake red-handed. Still made me sick to even think about it. Actually I preferred _not_ to think about it !

Anyway, it was time to go. Again. I was seriously starting to get sick with the monotony of the whole thing, but I didn't have a choice, so I simply went with it.

Except when I arrived that night, there was no one. No one to patrol, but more importantly, no Jake in bed. I was annoyed more than anything else, but I simply huffed and decided to come back another day. It'd only been one week since last time, so Jake couldn't be too bad off ! Except when I came back the following night, and the one after, there still wasn't anyone. That's when I started getting nervous. What if something happened to him ? Or what if he simply was somewhere else and I couldn't find him ? Did he seriously expect me to spend my days running after him ?!

I gritted my teeth. The simplest option was to go to the mansion. Not the simplest, the most obvious. Simple would be running back to that nameless girl. I still for the life of me couldn't understand how she didn't suspect something was off about me. Anytime we had sex I had to take a hot shower to get a decent body temperature, but that still didn't explain the golden eyes, lack of any eating of any kind or lack of heat the rest of the time. But she didn't ask questions, so that was good enough. She only demanded I spent my nights with her, and to be honest, I liked being around someone else, someone warm. It made the reminiscing pain go away.

I took a deep breath and sprinted towards the mansion.

* * *

I ran to the door, and to my surprise no one was there to open it before I entered. As soon as I opened it though, there was a rush and Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice and Rose were before me.

We all stayed silent. What do you say in these cases anyway ?! 'Hello, sorry I ran away, but after my boyfriend cheated on me I really didn't feel like taking your pity' ?

Rosalie spoke first "Why are you here Emmett ?" I nearly grinned. The girl knew me well ...

Esme though didn't understand she was helping, so scowled at her and exclaimed "We're happy you're back !"

I smiled tightly at that, but didn't have time to say anything before Jasper frowned and declared "I don't feel anything coming from you ..."

I squinted my eyes and hummed, not willing to say anything.

Carlisle's turn "And I can't smell you either."

This time I shrugged, before saying "I'm sorry for taking off, but I couldn't face everything. Right now I just need to know where Jake is so I can make sure he stays alive for a couple more days. I'll come back later and explain ... stuff."

Rosalie frowned "What about Jake ? Isn't he home ?"

"No. Please don't say he's at Paul's !"

"Son, he has never been with Paul, this-"

"Carlisle, if you don't mind, I'll fill Emmett in." Rosalie cut off. What the hell was this all about ?!

"Sure, I'll call Sam to ask what is happening."

"At this hour ?" Esme asked.

"Yes." Was Carlisle's simple answer. After that they all blurred away except for Rosalie, who dragged me out where we would be relatively out of earshot.

"So what's this all about ?"

"Do you trust me Emmett ?"

"Yes, of course, why ?"

"Then you'll trust me when I say that Paul drugged Jake and forced him into that blowjob, before texting you to make you think a lot of things."

Images of Jacques LaCroix came back to mind, images I thought I had buried.

"Please say this is all a joke Rose ..."

"Hey !" Paul was here.

This couldn't get any better.

"Jake wants to die !"

Several things happened at once. I saw Paul, shirtless and panting; Rosalie grabbed him by the throat, threw him against a tree; and I froze, too flabbergasted to react.

When I did get my senses back, though, I said "Rose, would you please let me deal with this ? I need to hear him out." She turned to me with a fierce look, before searching my eyes, nodding and blurring away.

Paul landed hard on his arse, held this throat and coughed a few times.

I snarled "What are you talking about ?"

"Jake ! He – he said he couldn't live without you any more ! He left ! He said he wanted to die in peace ! You have to find him !"

I took a deep breath. "What. Are. You. Talking. About ? How can Jake want to die because of me when he spent his time with you ?!"

"HE DIDN'T ! I DRUGGED HIM ! IT WAS A SET-UP TO SPLIT YOU UP ! YOU HAVE TO FIND HIM !" Paul yelled.

"So why were you at his place the other night ?! Just tell me where he is, I'll make sure he doesn't throw his life around and everyone will be happy !"

"No. I am NOT letting you torture him more than that."

I blurred to him and grabbed him by the shoulders "Tell. Me. Where. He. Is. NOW !"

"No. Not until you promise to hear him out. I only stayed that one night because he hoped I'd knock sense into you. Why can't you get I DRUGGED him ?!"

Rose pitched in from the doorstep "Em', just hear Jake out. Carlisle took tests, we've got proof if that's what you need. But I don't think that's the problem, is it Emmett ?"

Damn, she knew where to strike. Worst part was, I'd never told her that about that part of my past, so she was only guessing what the problem was.

I grimaced, before saying through gritted teeth "Alright. I'll hear him out." Then I added "WHERE IS HE ?"

"They've got a house somewhere along the border to Canada, about a hundred miles South-East from Vancouver. Jake's dad knows where it is, just ask him." Paul supplied. "And now you can do whatever you want with me, I deserved it."

An image of a bloody man begging for mercy flashed before my eyes "If I do anything, I'll just regret it forever and Jake will hate me. Just make sure I never see you again."

He nodded dryly, before shifting and taking off.

Before I had time to run away, Rose interjected once more "Em', whatever it is you haven't told me, you should tell Jake. Don't be too hard on him, it hasn't been easy. And don't worry, he never stopped loving you one second."

* * *

**Jacob's point of view**

**[Flashback]**

That day after Paul left, I started to feel despair bubble up in me. Rosalie started coming less and less, Alice and Jasper hadn't seen any part of Emmett's future for almost two months, Bella and Edward were gone. I hadn't seen Paul again, but to be honest I didn't really feel like it.

Emmett'd been around a few times since, but ... I don't know, I was slowly losing faith and hope. It got to the point where I didn't see the use of all this, I didn't know why I was trying any more, what I was waiting for. It became increasingly obvious that he wouldn't get himself caught, or talk to me, or anything else for the matter.

The cabin Emmett and I had built had crumbled down on its foundations a little while ago. It wasn't built on anything steady, just like our relationship. It couldn't have lasted with my lies. I didn't have the heart to inspect what had gone wrong, but Rosalie told me the soil beneath had moved around, and that the whole flooring had collapsed, making the rest fall with it.

I cried myself to sleep every night, and no one could lighten my moods. Dad was gloomier with every day that went, trying to talk me into going to university and telling me not to lose faith. I huffed, I'd already lost faith.

About five months after the night when Emmett left, I decided that I was tired of fighting. I decided there was no use trying any more. I didn't want to bear the guilt and the pain, it became too much. Somewhere along the way, I'd become numb, too, the days became grey, a monotonous succession of sounds and people.

So I made up my mind, after Emmett showed up in early August, I waited a couple of days before taking off to my mom's cabin in Canada. There I would be able to fall asleep, and hopefully not wake up ever again.

**[End Flashback]**

I must have been sleeping, because I jerked awake when the door was broken in, flying off its hinges.

"JACOB ! WHAT - THE - **HELL** ?"

I rolled on my bed. I'd been hallucinating for a few weeks now. I'd see Emmett come in, say he knew everything and that he forgave me. Each time I'd shed tears of joy before opening my eyes and find me hugging myself pitifully.

Except this Emmett sounded very pissed, too pissed to be a vision ?

I turned towards the entrance, sat up and blinked a few times. Emmett.

The door was lying on its side, and Emmett was standing in the entrance. He was lit up by the sun shining from behind him, haloed in his beauty, while his skin was reflecting the rays of the evening sun like a million diamonds.

I tilted my head. Had I finally been allowed to pass ? Was this heaven ? How could it not be ?

Emmett scowled "I promised Rose I'd hear you out but if you're going to stare like a moron I'm not sticking around."

I shook my head, trying to free my brain of the permanent haze that had been putting a shadow on everything else since a few weeks.

Emmett ?

Emmett was here ?

He wanted to listen ?

My heart started to pick up, until it was hammering against my chest. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I blinked again.

"Cat got your tongue ? Come on now, you're not making a case for yourself by staying silent."

"Emmett ?" Was all my brain could produce.

"Yes, Emmett, that's my name." His voice lost some of this harshness and his eyes softened "You recognize me, right ?"

That was enough, my brain decided to plug itself and I shivered, before whispering "Yes, I could never forget you."

When he spoke again, his voice had regained its cold tone "Good. Now if you would be so kind as to explain whatever it is I haven't understood, I'd be grateful."

Right about then, my mind processed the fact that Emmett was right in front of me, and talking, for the first time in months. "EMMETT !" I exclaimed, before jumping out of bed into his arms. Or so I thought.

"No." He lifted a hand, indicating me to stop. "I am NOT touching you or anything else until you tell me everything you supposedly needed to tell me."

I lowered my outstretched arms quickly as though something had burnt my fingers. That's when my brain processed the fact that I need to talk to him RIGHT AWAY. So I strode towards the chest of drawers, in which I had kept a copy of all the tests and everything else.

I clenched my jaw, sat down on the bed, before looking up to him. I swallowed nervously before starting "That night when I went to the bonfire, I started drinking a lot. Paul gave me a drink and I didn't think twice before downing it. Then I woke up the next morning, you were gone. Turned out, Paul used a cocktail of drugs to-"

"Ok, STOP ! If I hear one more person talk about drugs, I swear-"

"It's true ! I've got the proof here !" I jumped up to hand him Carlisle's results. Emmett squinted his eyes, took the bundle carefully, before putting it down on the nearby table, without giving it a second look.

"I swear I'm telling the truth, Em'... I couldn't have done _that_ even if I had wanted to with the imprint. And do you remember the text, did it sound like me ?"

Emmett frowned but didn't say anything. He scrutinized me for a little while before picking up the papers and reading through them scrupulously. Then he looked up at me again, he raised a shoulder and said "This doesn't make any sense. Why would he do this ? And why would you let him spend the night in your room if he supposedly drugged and molested you ?"

I gulped. Did he really not believe me ? The tests ? I started "Paul says he loves me, he said he couldn't stand that I'd fallen for a vampire, so he did everything he could to-"

"He knows what your imprint thing is, doesn't he ? So unless you lied to me about it, that means he knew you'd never be with him. None of this makes any sense."

I frowned "That's because nothing makes sense. Paul completely blew it. Look, he'd been sending me these texts for months and he'd been touching me in a creepy way for weeks !" I handed him my cell phone after scrolling down to the dozens of texts Paul would send me every week.

After looking at a couple, Emmett handed me the phone and frowned "This happened when we were together. Why didn't you tell me if this was happening ?"

"I ... I was scared of what you might do." There, I said it.

"You didn't trust me."

I grimaced "I'm sorry ..."

"Look in my eyes and swear this is not some elaborate joke."

I looked into his eyes and saw emotions swirling, like that time when I had imprinted on him "This isn't some elaborate joke, I swear. I love you, and I always will, whatever happens."

Emmett searched my eyes for a second, before slumping down to the ground, hanging his head. I slowly made my way to him, until I was standing in front of him, at which point I crouched to be on the same level, and extended a shaky hand to his shoulder. I slowly lowered my hand on his shoulder, before gripping it gently.

"Emmett, talk to me, please."

He looked at me "I don't know what to say. Where do we go from here ?"

"Do you even believe anything I said ?"

There were a few horrible seconds, before he whispered "Yes ... I should have known you wouldn't... I'm sorry, Jake."

I felt tears come to my eyes, but I couldn't break down yet. I had to make sure Emmett was alright "It's normal, Emmett, Paul's plan was flawless, anyone would have believed that."

"For God's Sake ! You had a dick down your throat ! What was I supposed to believe ?!"

"I know, Em', I don't blame you at all, this is all my fault."

"You lied to me. Again, and again. Each time I asked you if everything was alright, you pretended like nothing was happening !"

I swallowed "Yes, I know. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me."

He huffed "I don't know what to do. There's nothing of us left, Jake."

I forced a sob down "Please don't say that. We can re-build, I can make this work, I swear. I know I fucked up, but please just let me prove to you that I can make it work."

"Do you realize I'll always be wondering if there's something you're not telling me ?"

I closed my eyes "Yes, I know." I opened them again "But I can't try to make you trust me again if you don't let me."

"I ... I've done so many mistakes, Jake, you have no idea ..."

"I don't care ! Don't you get it ? I'll always love you no matter what !"

"Even if I tell you that I've been seeing a girl for months now ?"

I stumbled backwards, reeling from the impact, clutching my unsteady stomach.

He chuckled nervously and stood up "See ? I told you... I've done things I'll never be able to take back. I'm really sorry you got stuck with me, Jake, you deserved better, you're a good kid." He slowly made for the door.

"NO !" I stood up too, blocking the exit "You don't get to pity me ! You don't get to tell me what's best for me ! I know what want, and it's YOU, _whatever_ happened !"

Emmett swallowed "Are you serious ?"

"Of course. I told you long ago, it's you who's stuck with me, not the other way around."

He started chewing his lip nervously "Hum ... Do I get to hug you ... ?"

I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and jumped into his open arms, this time not being stopped. I let myself cry from the joy of having Emmett back in my arms.

...

I opened my eyes and found me hugging myself in the middle of the room, crying my eyes out.


	35. Not a Tear Wasted

_**"I won't say do not weep, because not all tears are an evil."  
**_

_- _Gandalf,_ The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King_

**Warning: Mild violence. Strong Angst.  
**

* * *

**Chapter XXXV: NOT A TEAR WASTED  
**

* * *

_Previously: _

_I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and jumped into his open arms, this time not being stopped. I let myself cry from the joy of having Emmett back in my arms._

_I opened my eyes and found me hugging myself in the middle of the room, crying my eyes out._

"Jake ! Jake ! Wake up!" I tossed and turned, feeling cold and trapped.

"Jake ! You're having a nightmare ! Wake up !" I opened my eyes and blinked a few times, I was fighting off Emmett who was doing his best to hug me.

"EMMETT !" I exclaimed, before melting into his arms, sobbing.

"Shhh, it's alright, it was just a nightmare."

"I – I dreamed that - we talked it all - out, and then I - opened my eyes and – you - were gone." I stuttered, my sentence cut by sobs that shook my whole body.

"It's ok, Jake, I'm here, I'm not leaving." I buried my face in his strong chest and hugged him tight, grabbing his shirt and fisting it in his back.

"Please don't - leave me - again ..."

"I'm sorry, Jake, I'm not going to, I swear. Whatever happens we talk it out next time, ok ?" I nodded weakly in his embrace, tears running down my nose.

When I had calmed down a bit, I thought I had to say "I'm sorry for being such a girl, I-"

"Shh, Jake, it's alright." He stroked my hair and I snuggled tighter in the hug, relaxing slowly and letting go of his crumpled shirt. After a long silence, he added "You know, the first days I cried every night too. That doesn't make us girls, it makes us human. It's good to cry from time to time, you know."

I chuckled wetly "How come you always know what to say ?"

He didn't answer for a while. Then he asked, his voice tense "Jake, do we forgive each other ?"

I shook my head "There's nothing to forgive you for."

"I need to know you forgive me for being such a jerk, Jake, for running away. I felt so empty, I didn't know what to do. And I thought you might be happy with Paul, he said he loved you, so I-"

"Em', stop. I know, I understand, and of course I forgive you."

He sniffed "Thanks."

I couldn't help but ask in a small voice "Do you forgive me ?"

"Yes, of course. But never lie to me again, please."

"I won't, I swear."

We stayed there for a long time. Piece by piece, what happened the previous night came back to me. It had gone exactly like in my nightmare, except that when I had hugged him, all the emotions had come crashing back, and I had wobbled on my legs, feeling extremely weak. Emmett carried me to bed and tucked me in, before turning to sit on a nearby chair.

I'd asked him to lay with me, and he'd immediately stripped of his pants and slipped into the bed, his chest to my back, latching on to me tightly. I also asked if he could stay all night with me, I said I didn't want the whole thing to seem like a dream when I woke up, and he said that he wouldn't so much as let me go from his arms. I fell asleep in seconds, and had that terrifying nightmare. That's how we got here.

"Jake, I'd like you to tell me everything you didn't tell me, do you think you could do that ?"

"Yes, of course, I was going to do it later." Which was very true. Emmett sat up until he was sitting, his back to the wall and he heaved me up so I was sitting between his legs and resting on his chest. The proximity with my imprint had restored all my muscle mass, but I was still tired from the lack of sleep. I also started to get very hungry, but that would have to wait until Emmett was happy.

I rested my head on one of his shoulders, so I could look up at him and started to spill everything I had hidden "When I told the pack about the imprint, that's when he tried to kill you that one time. He must have thought I'd be free for him again if he did or something stupid like that... Then when you were sleeping, he stopped by and used my sadness to get near me. I immediately kicked him out, but he said I'd be _his_, whatever that meant. That day when you woke up, he told me the same. Both those times and every single time after he'd try to touch my arse or brush on my groin. He'd send me texts like every single day."

I shrugged "The rest you know, I went to that bonfire, he spiked my drink and ... Well. Then, about a month ago, I started losing hope, so I went to see him, I'm not too sure why. I think I hoped I'd be able to convince him to talk to you, or maybe I just figured if I fixed everything you'd come back... I don't know, but we talked it out. He said he'd been seeing a shrink, he swore never to get near me again, and he seemed very convincing. Since it'd been a while you hadn't been around, I asked if he could stay the night and try to explain everything if you came. He tried to convince me that it wasn't a good idea, but I think I was blinded by hope funnily enough ..."

I took a deep breath "And there's something else ..." Emmett, thankfully, didn't talk, he simply waited for me to finish. "I – I don't know how to say this ..."

"Just say it, Jake, you have to."

I closed my eyes and lowered my head "There's a reason I got drunk. First, I was bored out of my wits because you weren't there and because Paul was the only one not making out with someone. Then ..." I took another deep breath "I had been very conflicted. You remember that time in the bath when you had me pinned down ?"

"Yes."

"I couldn't stop fantasizing about how good it felt when you touched me ... uh ... back there. And you know I hate when I look like a girl, so fantasizing about ... _that_ made me feel really weird. There was no one I could talk to, so I just kept on getting more and more frustrated and fucked up. When there was that bonfire, I didn't think, I just got drunk to relieve the pressure I guess ..."

"You could have talked to me, Jake. I told you every time there was something I wasn't feeling good about."

"I know, I'm sorry, I was just too proud. I can only promise to tell you everything, and I know you probably doubt me, but I'll make you trust me again, I swear. We can start all over again."

"I know you will, Jake. Now you know what lies do to us. It's tough enough being a gay couple with a vampire and a shifter, if we started destructing from the inside, it's just not going to happen. I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed you didn't trust me enough to tell me, but I guess that's my-

"No !" I untangled myself from his arms and turned around to face him "Don't you dare think it's your fault ! It's mine, alright ? I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I made a stupid mistake that I'll never make again, but it's NOT you fault."

Emmett smiled "You know, you're not too bad yourself when it comes to knowing what to say. Come here !" He pulled me into a kiss. I tilted my head to press my lips against his cold ones. Soon, I was opening my mouth to let his tongue in, while my hands were desperately clutching at his shirt again. His hand was fisting my hair while the other one was gently pressed on my back, moulding me against him.

I surfaced for air when my stomach grumbled its discontent. Emmett chuckled "Well, I see we've got the old famished wolf back."

I groaned and mumbled "Haven't eaten in days..."

Emmett frowned "I'm going to get you some food right away."

My eyes widened in alarm, and I exclaimed before I could stop myself "No, don't leave me, please !"

"I'm sorry, I'm not leaving." He smiled sadly "I think I'm going to have to make you trust me again too..."

I sat back down between his legs and whispered an apology. I hated not being able to trust Emmett, but that wasn't really the problem, I just didn't trust myself in his absence. I knew my brain would switch to panic mode !

Emmett hummed "Well, we can't leave you to starve. How about we run home together ?"

I frowned "Couldn't we stay just the two of us for a little longer ?"

"Yes, of course, but then we have to run to the nearest town and get you a few dozen burgers or something."

I nodded, that would work. "Ok, let's go."

* * *

We ended buying only one dozen burgers, but I still ate them all. I also managed to convince Emmett to go hunting quickly – he looked quite puzzled, probably because suddenly I didn't freak out about him leaving any more. Truth was, I knew he needed it, and his well-being came before anything else. And anyway, I felt more like my old self with every minute that passed – the burgers probably helped. I'd still need a lot of sleep though ...

He must have found an easy prey, because he was back at the cabin before I was. I had phased back to human form, pulled up my shorts and stridden in. Emmett was sitting, reading some paper that looked suspiciously like those blood results.

He looked up when I arrived "With everything Paul stuffed in you, you're lucky to be alive ... I can't believe he'd do something like that." I shrugged with one shoulder, not wanting to carry on with that particular subject. Emmett seemed to sense that because he put the papers down, sighing.

I fiddled with my hands, before gathering the courage to ask "Emmett ? Do you think you could tell me what you did all this time ... ?"

"I'm not sure you want to hear about all that ... If I tell you, I'm not going to skip the uncomfortable parts."

"That's what I'm asking for."

"I think you might regret that."

"I still want to know."

He nodded "You look tired, let's get you in bed, it's going to take a while." I was too tired to disagree. I was even impressed at the fact that it didn't annoy me to be taken care of, like I would have five months ago. Maybe we could make this work after all ?

I stripped my shorts off before thinking, and I was in bed before realizing I was entirely naked. Emmett stripped to his boxers and he slipped under the heavy covers with me. God, it felt indescribably good to be able to do this again !

"Will you hold me ?" I asked. Emmett simply took hold of me in his strong arms and my back was again pressed against his – this time naked – chest. He nudged a calf between my thighs, and I greedily lifted a leg to let him slip his cold leg between my warm ones.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Jake." He whispered in my ear, before pressing a cold kiss to my naked shoulder blade. I closed my eyes and nestled myself tightly against him, before steeling myself for what would probably not be the best bed-side story I had ever been told.

"Ok. Like I said, when I saw you two that night, I just figured I'd make myself scarce and leave you two to be happy. So I took off to Olympia, I ducked into the first bank, took enough money for a few months and went into the first not too crappy hotel I crossed. Must have stayed there for a long time, but after a while I had to go and hunt. I did nothing for the first two weeks.

After two weeks I came back to make sure you got your dose. I climbed a tree to avoid anyone seeing me, I knocked whoever was outside your window unconscious and entered your room. After a while I heard your heart beat get stronger, so I figured showing up in the night like that would be good enough. I read the letter, but it brought back memories I couldn't face so I ripped it apart and didn't believe a word of it."

He sighed "After that I kind of lost it, well, I just stopped thinking and feeling. I got a crap job to busy my days, and I ducked into the first club I found. I picked a girl up, we fucked, and I kept her around for a few weeks. Then people started to notice I never went out in daylight, she started asking why I was cold, so I just packed up and left. I went to Seattle where I started all over again. New job, new girl. Each time there was a risk Alice would come I changed town, sometimes I returned where I had been. That's all I did for five months."

I felt fresh tears trickle down my cheeks. I had expected something like that, but it still hurt to hear it. "What kind of job did you take ?"

"Most of the times I picked a restaurant or something. I'd just show them my diploma from that school I talked about a while ago with a falsified date and they'd all take me in with big smiles."

"Did ... Did you ever have a boyfriend ?"

"No. And you don't have to believe me, but I never felt anything for any of the girls. I ... Well, I used them as bed warmers, quite literally. I never felt anything actually..."

I nodded "I believe you." It was somewhat nice to know he had only stayed with girls, even if it hurt. At least it didn't feel like I had been replaced. If it had been a guy, I'd have felt like he took someone else instead of me. This just felt like I let him down and he had searched for heat somewhere else. That wasn't too bad, guilt I could take. Not that a little more guilt would make a huge difference...

"Jake, I want you to know that I love you, I never stopped loving you. That first night, when you woke up, leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done."

I couldn't prevent a sob, or two, or twenty. "I'm sorry, Jake ..."

When I could talk again, I said low "It's ok, Emmett, I won't say I like it, but all I care about is that we're together again. I'm so relieved it's not even possible." I untangled myself from him to be able to take a good look at him. I drank in his features, his face, his gorgeous face, his dark slightly curly hair, his thin pink lips, his white porcelain skin, his gentle eyes, the contrast between his skin and his hair.

After a long silence, Emmett asked low while caressing my hair "Are you alright with what happened with Paul ? I'm terrible for making you go through all that alone."

I shrugged "It's alright, I don't even remember what happened."

"No, it's not alright, it's not right and I'm sorry I left you to deal with everything when I should have been there to support and help you."

"You're here now, that's what really counts to me."

"I'm never leaving again unless you ask me, whatever happens we talk next time."

I nodded "You know, that cabin we started crumpled down..."

Emmett groaned "Well, I'll have to take a look at that when I have some time. Hopefully we can all start again on better bases, hey ?"

I smiled, getting exactly what he meant, both the cabin and our relationship could definitely do with better bases. After another long peaceful silence, Emmett said "I don't think I can start it all over again, Jake..." My face must have betrayed the full horror that hit me, because he immediately added "No, no, no, I meant I don't want to start at zero. I want to jump to us loving each other like we used to do." I chuckled nervously at that, before yawning.

"You should sleep, we can talk more tomorrow."

I nodded "I love you so much, Emmett..." He smiled and kissed me gently. I turned and pressed my back to him again, by far my favourite position.

* * *

I woke up, feeling light, rested, not too hot, and most importantly happy. I was truly happy, and there was no way I would ever again nag about not having everything I wanted !

Except, when I started to emerge from my sleepy haze, I realized that I wasn't on my nice against Emmett's chest. "Emmett ?" I asked, trying not to let dread fill me too easily.

"I'm right beside you, Jake." I rolled to find Emmett lying there, one hand under his head exposing his armpit, looking ... well, happy.

I tried for a childish pout "I prefer to wake up in your arms."

Emmett chuckled "Yes well, you were moving around, and this morning you started rubbing yourself against me, so I'm sorry if I didn't let you make me cum on you while you slept."

I felt my face heat up, particularly when he added "And you being naked as the day you were born didn't make it easier not to have my way with you on the spot, so you should be happy I didn't do anything in your sleep instead !"

I pulled a face "Yeah, yeah."

"Did you sleep well ?"

"You have no clue ! I feel like I haven't slept this long in months !"

Emmett laughed "Yes, well, that's probably true seeing as you slept fourteen hours sleepy-head !"

I rolled my eyes "You're kidding, right ?"

"Uh – uh, it's twelve and you fell asleep round ten last night !" After a little while, Emmett rolled to his side, rested an elbow on the pillow and his head on his closed fist "You know, I've been thinking. You know how you said you wanted time for only us two ? I want that too, but we need to tell everyone back home we're alright at least. Then ... If you'll let me, I would like to kidnap you on a holiday for a little while, you know, so we can find each other again, learn to live together again."

My eyes defocused "I've never been on a holiday before except London when we went together ..."

"I own a house in the South of France that I bought back when my parents died. Do you think you'd want to go with me ?"

"Just the two of us ?" It sounded too good to be true... My eyes focused on Emmett again.

"Yes, just us. I could show you around, where we lived when I was little, where my family came from. If you want, I mean ! You don't have to, I just figured –"

"Em', I'd be honoured to."

He grinned "Brilliant ! I'll sort everything out and we'll go when you want !"

"As soon as possible would be great ... I turned eighteen a few days ago, so my dad can't be on my back so much. Anyway, I graduated, so he-"

Emmett's grin disappeared. I frowned, what did I say ? I didn't have to wait long for an answer "I missed out a lot, didn't I ? Your graduation, you becoming a full grown man ... I really messed up."

Instead of answering, I pushed him so he was laying on his back, and I pinned him to the bed "Will you stop seeing everything that could have happened ? Look, if this all taught me one thing, it's that we have to be happy whenever we are happy, that we need to take happiness where we can get it and stop wishing things were different ! Look at Bells and Ed' ! Ed' has to live with her smelling good enough to eat, she has to live with a perpetual virgin, potential murder and whining boyfriend ! That doesn't mean they're not happy ! Stop and quit whining mister Cullen because I'll have none of it !"

His grin slowly grew back "Oooh ! My wolf is a wise grown man !" He didn't try to free himself as I would have expected, but brought his mouth to mine and kissed me gently. "You're right, I used to be like that, you know, before, before ..." His face closed down again.

I slowly lowered my body on his and caressed his face "Hey, Em', what is it ? Before what ?"

He started breathing heavily and quickly, to the point where I almost worried he would hyperventilate. He started to wiggle under me, but I still had him pinned down.

"Let me go, Jake, let me go !"

"No, not before you tell me what happened !" I started getting really worried now, what happened ? What wasn't he telling me ?

He didn't answer though, the last thing I remember was him shoving me off him and sending me onto the opposite wall, my head hitting it was a sickening cracking sound, before everything went black.

* * *

"Jake ? Jake, please wake up !" I opened my eyes halfway. It looked and felt like I was lying in bed. My head felt wet and was radiating with pain.

"Jake ! Come on, please come back to me !" I felt something wet land on my cheek. I was able to open my eyes completely, and I was immediately invaded with a very worried looking Emmett, whose cheeks had trails of red tears.

"Jake ! God I was so afraid I had no idea what I was supposed to do !" I tried to lift myself up but the pain nearly took my consciousness again, so I grunted and laid back down.

"No, no, don't move."

"What happened ?" I croaked.

"I – I ... I freaked out, and I tried to get you off me, but I didn't realize how strongly I pushed, 'cause you hit the wall and knocked your head. There was blood everywhere, God I was so scared !"

I frowned "How long have I been out ?"

"A couple of hours. I ran off to town and buy some stuff to disinfect where you hit your head. It stopped bleeding quickly and it looks completely healed already. Do you want something to drink ?"

"Yes, please." I almost whispered. He helped to give me a glass of water. "You hit your frontal lobe, Jake, if you see black spots it's nothing too worrying. If you want to get it checked out by Carlisle we'll do it right when we get back. Tell me if anything isn't like it should be! I'm really sorry, I just – you triggered memories I don't want to remember, and I …" he shook his head.

"Alright." I let out.

After a long uncomfortable silence, I looked up to him and asked "Em', what aren't you telling me ?"

He sighed "I – I don't know if I can tell you ..."

I looked away. I had to say I was disappointed right there and then. I had told him everything he wanted to know, I'd done everything he asked...

"Jake, please, I'm sorry. I've never talked about this, it's ..." Another sigh "I'll let you rest." I fell asleep again.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was instantly alert, and my head felt perfectly fine. I sat up, and noticed Emmett had gotten me a pair of loose pyjamas which he'd put on me. Emmett himself was sitting in the corner opposite me still in his boxers, his head down, looking broken. What happened ? We were all happy, making plans, and then he just closed down !

I swung my legs out of bed and strode towards him. He looked up to me, looking tired and weary, before flashing a pale smile "Glad you're better."

I didn't answer, simply went to kneel in front of him "Em', you might not believe it now, but I'll always be there waiting for you, eager to help out in any way I can. If you want to tell me what troubles you, I'll listen, if you don't want to tell me, I understand."

He sighed "Certain ... injuries ... are very deep, Jake. I've been thinking back on what happened. I just remembered that Rose guessed something like this was bothering me, and she more or less ordered me to tell you."

I frowned "She doesn't know ?" When he said no one knew, I thought that meant no one but Rosalie ... If she didn't know it changed ... _things_, it meant that it must be very different from what I thought it could be ! Not that I had any idea what it could be.

"Like I said, no one does. I've never thought about it, so Edward can't have seen it in my head. I thought I buried it, but I guess things like that can't be buried forever." His eyes unfocused, looking as if in a deep reflection. I took one of his hands in mine, and stroked his palm with my thumb, waiting for Emmett to decide what he wanted to do.

After a while, he looked down to me, and helped me up, standing up too. He guided me to the minuscule couch there was, and we snuggled in, close "I need to tell you this. I don't know if you realize, but a lot of what happened these last months happened because of this, because of certain .. _memories_ that just wouldn't let me go, and wouldn't let me believe in that letter of yours in particular."

I nodded, and he placed his head in the crook of my neck, while I rested my head on his. I took his hands in mind and put them on my chest, letting him know I was here, alive, well, and listening.

"I remember you asked about my past, you wanted to get to know me. Why didn't you ask again when I didn't tell you ?"

"Because I felt so bad about lying to you like I did, that it felt horribly wrong to ask you to tell me about your secrets like that."

After another long while, he started talking, slowly, taking his time, with deliberate pauses. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to hear.

"Well, you've been honest, so now it's my turn. We'll probably not get through everything in one go, but I'll tell you the most ... important. Like you know, I was born in France, and we moved to the US in search of better prospects. But we didn't move until I was about fourteen, before that we lived in the South of France, in that house I talked to you about. There's a small village near the Italian border called Grasse, it's a famous place where they make perfumes in particular. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen, and my brother hated having to move away.

I, on the other hand, couldn't wait to leave. I loved the town, the large house we had, and we'd go there about once a year with Rose, but at the time it was a benediction to move away from that place. You see, both my parents worked hard. My dad, like almost all good communists, worked in the rail business. It took me years to figure out how we could afford such a large house on his tiny railroader salary. Turned out, my grandparents, his parents, had left him a very comfortable sum of money, but he went into that business because he was inspired by Lenin, Karl Marx, and the Third Communist International in 1919." He cut there, thinking for a while.

"Actually, I should start from the start. My parents had us when they were young, mom was around twenty when she had me, same for dad, they were both born in 1900. My grandparents died too early for me to remember them, so with the money dad received, he was able to make us live wealthily while working in the rail business. I don't know how much you know about the history from that time ..." He trailed off, looking up at me.

"Not much." I said, worried about interrupting him too much.

"Well, in 1917, the Communists took over Russia. At that time everyone was either terrified the reds, like they were called, would take over the whole of Europe, or hopeful that they would. My dad and mom were all for it. In 1919 when Lenin created the Communist International to spread the new order, my parents went to the other side, so to speak, and became full fledged Communists. My mom cut all bridges with her parents, while dad's ones were already dead."

Emmett sat up "Don't you think you should rest ? I bashed you pretty seriously ... I know you've been resting for two days, but ..." I agreed reluctantly, feeling a throbbing headache assail me, which thankfully subsided once I laid down with Emmett. This time we were laying side by side, both of us propped on elbows to face the other one somewhat.

"By the way, I called your dad and Carlisle, I said we'd come home when we were ready."

"Anyway, let me carry on. Arnaud and I were bred in a weird way. Dad used to teach us communist ideals, but there we were, in a huge house, one of the richest families in town. It's not like he distributed his money to those in need, either. But all the same, he and mom worked hard. Seeing as they were both communists, they believed in equality of sexes, so she worked just as hard, helped my dad making the choices and everything. I always respected my dad for not being a conceited machist like almost everyone else was at the time.

After World War One, there were a lot of demonstrations for women's rights, and dad was always there by mom's side ... Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. When they didn't work they were handing out the Communist Manifesto on the street[*]. Point was, they didn't have much time for us. Like every other boys in France, though, we went to the mandatory school, which lasted long days every day. On the week end, though, we'd be sent to my dad's brother, Jacques. I don't know how he did, but he convinced my parents to send my brother somewhere else after a while, so Arnaud was sent to my dad's sister, who lived quite far away, while I stayed with Jacques.

Arnaud and I had always been good friends, you know, sticking together, playing together whenever my parents weren't there. I used to take care of him when we were alone as best I could. But then on week ends I was alone with my uncle." He shivered "That guy was creepy. At first everything was alright, but after a while, I started having slips in memory, I couldn't remember stuff, I would forget what I had done for a whole day."

His voice broke and he shivered again "He'd always give me the best hot chocolate every morning and every night. One time, I didn't drink all of it. I ... I"

Emmett sobbed. My heart broke, I had seen his tears, but never sobs. The worst was the powerlessness... He ploughed on "One time, I woke up, and he was ... he was ... he was raping me. He was being very gentle about it so I wouldn't feel anything, but he would drug me so I'd sleep for days and he'd rape me every week end."

"Jake ..." He turned to me, looking like a lost child, and I took him in my arms. We cried together. I couldn't believe he had kept all of this for himself for so long ... Suddenly everything became cleared, how insecure he could be, how he had thought the drug and molesting thing with Paul was a terrible joke, how he hadn't been willing to believe me ...

At some point, we stopped crying, but he continued telling his terrifying story "After that, I tried not to drink his chocolate, but he'd coax me into drinking it, sometimes he'd force me to drink it. Every time I would feel asleep terrified I might wake up again. After that I woke up several times while he was doing it, and each time I was too drowsy to protest, so he had no clue I knew. He'd even invite friends to – to – to ..." He trailed off.

"I tried telling my parents, but they laughed it away. It went on for a year until we moved to the US. I'm sorry Jake, this is why I reacted badly. I – when I read that letter, the memories came back for the first time. And, the whole story sounded so stupid that I didn't believe it, and I was _so_ angry at you because I thought you'd made it all up. I was SO angry because I thought you were joking about being drugged ! If all that hadn't happened to me, I would've asked someone, this is all my fault, that's what I was trying to-"

"Emmett, stop. This is NOT of your fault. You have to understand that it's NOT your fault. You were what, thirteen ?" He nodded, still looking like a lost child. "Then you listen to me, because I know what I'm talking about. This is not your fault. At all." He nodded again.

"Then we moved to the US, it got easier. There weren't any shrinks at the time, but my parents could see something was wrong. They didn't ask about it, though. We'd been ordered to forget our past lives in France to avoid letting slip we were communists. That's what I did, I forgot. The rest you know more or less. I had a few girlfriends, but one in particular I loved more than anything else. I think the whole ordeal is what made me so possessive and protective ... Anyway, she didn't like it, so she left me.

You know about the less glorious part, Rose took me up and built be up, brick by brick, until I was able to laugh without faking it, look at myself in a mirror and so on. We moved around with the family, I got a few degrees, a few of them in cooking. I kept my mom's recipes... She was a wonderful cook, you know. I loved helping her cook ... For any other boy, it would have been very girly to cook at the time, but my dad wasn't like that, he was happy with however we wanted to be. My mom taught me a lot when she had time. Then they died ... You know, I wasn't entirely honest.

I said they died of grief or something, I think. Actually they were murdered by the town folk because someone discovered they were communists. In a way, what I said was true, though, because when my brother and I died, they grew careless. They were so sad that they weren't careful any more, and someone figured it out."

I frowned "How could someone see that ?"

"At the time, it was suspicious when you didn't show up at mass on Sundays, particularly in the US. My parents had no cross or bible in the whole house. Then there was the fact that my mom worked, that we were French, and that dad had a copy of the Communist Manifesto in every room of the house. And there's the fact that the US has always been very anti-communist, particularly at that time, so people were looking hard for any signs. But I didn't mourn them much. After what happened, I was kind of numb, and I hated them for not stopping it. So when they died, I just accepted my new vampiric family.

When we moved to the US, I started working out, I took lessons in many different defence techniques to avoid ever going through anything like it. I think that's why I'm a strong vampire. Carlisle says we bring what he had as a human when we become vampires. Well, I must have focused on getting strong when I was human ...

Anyway, that's part of the reason why I love being a vampire, contrary to almost all the rest of my family. I don't miss my human life at all, my strength is something I'd never let go for the world, and the instinct to kill humans really wasn't very present. So it was all for the good, really. The first time I regretted it was today, when I hurt you badly. The rest of the story will be for another time. Anyway, when you had me pinned down and bringing back those memories, I didn't think, I panicked, I'm sorry …"

I felt the need to say something "I'm not sure what to say, Em', other than I'm honoured you chose to tell me. And don't worry about the rest, I shouldn't have pushed."

"You don't need to say anything. I know it sounds bad, but I didn't really bury it all. I got over most of it in time, and buried the rest. So don't worry too much, I'm not going to break down or depress or anything. I just – it felt really good to let it out. Thanks for ... you know, being there, listening."

It would take a while to get over the shock of what it just told me, but I felt that we could only go up after hitting the bottom.


	36. Fixing & Planning

A/N : (*) For those of you unfamiliar with French geography, Brittany isn't only a name, it's also a French region. It's in the North West, and is , among other things, famous for its English-resembling weather and its crepes, a sort of thin pancake very characteristic of French cuisine. Thanks to elf for the beta !

**Warning : Graphic gay sex. **

* * *

**Chapter XXXVI : FIXING & PLANNING  
**

* * *

"You don't have to thank me for listening, Emmett."

He smiled tightly "That doesn't mean I can't do the polite thing ... You know, because of all that happened, I nearly didn't believe Paul and Rosalie when they yelled the truth at me..."

I frowned "What ? When ?!"

"When you weren't at home, I went to the mansion. Paul showed up when I was talking with Rose, and even with them two I refused to see the truth."

My frown deepened "What happened with Paul ? What did you do ?"

He chuckled "Told him to make sure I never saw him again."

I couldn't help being suspicious, that didn't sound like Emmett. Sure he was a teddy bear, but not when it came to protection, then he became angry mama bear. "That's it ? You told me five minutes ago that you're very protective and you just let him walk away ?"

"You sound like you wanted me to do something else." I had to admit it felt weird that he hadn't wanted to make Paul pay for what he did. I wasn't angry or anything, but a tiny part of me wondered if Emmett didn't think I was worth it.

"No, no, I'm just ..."

"Surprised ? Maybe you don't know me that well. I haven't told you my whole story, you know. I haven't told you how when I flew to France to bury my parents, I made a detour by a certain uncle of mine and butchered him to death. I haven't told you how I've been feeling horribly guilty ever after, and how I swore never to kill again, or take revenge for something that's in the past. Every time I thought about Paul those past months I remembered my uncle on the floor, bathing in his own blood, whining for help and mercy."

"He only got what he deserved" I said before thinking, in an attempt to soothe Emmett. That was obviously the wrong reply, because he flew out of bed, and I sat up.

"You have NO idea what you're talking about ! No one deserves to _die_ ! You – you shouldn't say stuff like that, Jake, you don't know what it's really like." He calmed down somewhat before adding "You know, during the Second World War, the German SS had their young men line up Jews in the Camps and shoot them in the back of the head. After a while, they did a lot of tests and found out that killing those people completely destroyed their young men.

So instead, they used mobile units which intoxicated their victims with Carbone Dioxide. It's easy to talk about killing, it's easy to kill without having to look in the face of the person you murder, or hear his screams. You should ask Edward how he feels. No, I swore I'd never kill again, I swore I'd never let myself be taken by that hazy revenge frenzy again. Once was enough to make me realize how horrible it was.

And that's not the worst part. The worst part is how easy it was. I didn't have to convince myself to do it, or anything, I didn't have to debate it first, I just went there, and I did it, and at first I didn't even feel bad about it. Then I started feeling dreadful for not feeling guilty. In the end, I could never forget how he screamed when I started butchering him, or how he begged when I went for the _coup de grâce_, or how he was soaked in his own blood, how terrifying he looked with his belly and throat ripped open ! So don't tell me that ever again, Jake. The only reason you should kill is to avoid being killed yourself. And even then you should avoid killing him if you can without taking risks."

"I'm sorry, I – I didn't mean it like that, I was just trying to say you shouldn't feel too guilty. After what he did, it's normal to feel as angry as you felt."

He sighed "Let's not talk about that any more, ok ?"

"Of course." I said immediately, patting on the bed beside me, hoping he'd come lie down against me again.

After a second, he nodded and crept back beside me. "Do you still feel tired ?"

My eyes were stinging "Yes, a bit … I can't believe how much I've slept !"

Emmett grimaced "Having your skull opened up by your stupid boyfriend tends to do that."

I cautiously touched the back of my head, and felt no pain whatsoever "Don't worry, it's healed !"

"Good." Emmett slid under the covers, still in his boxers, before laying on his back, and letting his head fall on the pillow not too gently. Wanting – no, needing – some kind of contact after the last intense conversation – well, after the last intense days – I threw the covers over myself and snuggled close to Emmett. He didn't move or display any sign that he was going to so much as touch me, though.

I swallowed an annoyed groan at his lack of response before I realized he was probably deep in memories, straying out of thought and time. I gave him a few minutes, before I decided I really wanted some physical contact.

I slowly snaked my way on top of him, and seeing as he didn't protest, I slid a leg between his, resting my thigh on his groin. One of my arms draped itself on his cold, hard chest, and I gently lowered my head on his shoulder, looking at his chest heave up and down slowly.

After a good ten minutes, Emmett took a deep breath, making my whole body move up and down, before manoeuvring an arm to my back, holding me in place, while the other one grabbed mine, threading our fingers together. Finally, he pressed a long kiss on my hair, before whispering "I love you Jake, thanks for getting this out of me, I really needed it. Sorry I reacted so badly, too."

"Don't apologize Em', I would have wondered about your mental health if you hadn't. And in case you're wondering, your past doesn't change the way I see you. You're still the best guy I know and the man I love."

His thumb started stroking my small back, making me shiver. I closed my eyes, and let myself enjoy the moment, feeling the cold seeping into my overly hot skin, feeling his taut muscles stretch under me, loving every single second of the situation. I loved being able to lie on him, to feel him quite literally support me; anyone else wouldn't have been able to take my weight. I fell asleep for the hundredth time with happiness in my heart and a smile on my face.

* * *

I woke up slowly. We were in the exact same position as when I fell asleep. Emmett was still stroking my back absent-mindedly with his thumb, which I found extremely comforting for some reason. It was like at every moment he reminded me that he was there. Stupid, I know, but honestly I had learnt not to care about being stupid or girly any longer.

My cock was hard as rock, and for the first time in a very, very long time I felt my libido hitting me full force. Suddenly his thumb became very erotic, my brain started supplying images of things he could do with it, and each time he stroked me with it, I had to suppress a shiver and a moan. Emmett wasn't hard though, but that wasn't surprising, seeing as he didn't slept, he never had a morning wood unless I worked for it. He didn't use to be quite as obsessed about sex as I was, though, seeing as I initiated it most of the time, but he never refused me without a very good reason and once I got him started, I usually was the one to ask for mercy – he wasn't against sloppy seconds, or thirds. He didn't tire, unless there was an edge to it he had the stamina of a God, and he didn't need long between each round to get all excited again. Absolutely perfect for me.

I wasn't sure he'd be up for it now, thought. We had had a heavy last day or two, the feelings, words and memories were still raw and very much there. But fuck it, he hadn't touched me in five months and now that I got myself thinking about it, it wouldn't be easy to stop. Not mentioning my blood supply wasn't going only to my brain any more…

So I let myself moan low, enjoying the moment and hopefully letting Emmett know I was in the mood, scratch that, that I really was desperate for anything at all.

"You smell so good after a long night's sleep, Jake, all musky and manly … And horny …" My cock twitched at the last word. God help me if I didn't interpret that as Emmett being in the mood too!

The hand that had been holding Emmett's crept its way down to his tight white boxers , stopping when it got to the waistband. I stroked the band lightly, waiting for a reaction from my muscular vampire, to check this was what he wanted. I wasn't disappointed.

The hand in my back slowly moved down, until he was toying with my pyjamas, just above my arse. My breath hitched. God I had dreamt about him doing that ! My index slipped under his waistband, only to find his cock, which was rapidly growing hard. He let out a long deep breath when I toyed with his cockhead.

"God, Jake, you have no idea how I missed this." He threaded his whole hand under my pyjamas and grabbed a handful of my arse, the thumb slipping into the crease, making me feel a whole new range of sensations. My heart started pumping louder as I too slipped my hand in his boxers and grabbed a handful of his icy cock. I slowly rubbed myself against his thigh, too, in desperate need for some friction. That made him grab my arse less gently, prying my two cheeks apart, and his thumb slipped all the way down until it was rubbing against my hole which was oozing heat. Damn did I need his cold finger in me !

When I first felt his finger rub against my hole, I mewled in delight and bucked against him. My hand sped on his cock, eager to feel him melt too. I crawled on top of Emmett, slipping my PJs and his boxers off, before leaning down to rub my cock against his, making us both moan. Emmett's long arm still reached to cup my arse cheek, and when he started applying pressure on my arse, I leant down to kiss him. With his free hand, he gently took hold of my head, and crashed my lips on his before thrusting his tongue into my warm cavern.

I started rubbing myself against him earnestly. When he took his hand off my head, I moved down to kiss his neck. Emmett awkwardly grabbed both our cocks in his hand and started jacking us off, while still holding my arse to press me against him. Each time he shoved me against him, his thumb would slip into my crease, almost penetrating my hole. His head was thrown back so I could kiss and lick his neck all I wanted.

It didn't take long before I started panting from the feeling of his cold fingers on my hot cock, and hearing his moans only edged me towards climax. I would not last long considering how long it had been. My whole skin was hypersensitive. I felt his cold hairless chest against mine when our groins rubbed together, his every finger pressing down deliciously on my arse every time he'd ram me onto him. With one hand I was stroking his hair, and with the other I was holding the wall to avoid being thrown onto it for the second time in twenty four hours.

"God, Jake I'm not gonna last long !"

"I'm gonna cum soon too !" I croaked as I panted, the sweat on my skin lubricant enough to make every place where I rubbed against him very comfortable.

His hand on our cocks started picking up speed, and soon we were rubbing each other so insistently I couldn't kiss his neck any more, being rammed back and forth by Emmett's hand on my arse. Instead I let my head drop on his shoulder, and he started suckling on my earlobe. I felt my balls tighten as climax approached.

His thumb slipped into my hole for a millisecond and I came yelling "FUUUCK !" I spilled myself all over us both.

His hand left my cock and took his own, soon joined by one of mine to help him. It didn't take long before he exhaled loudly and came too.

I avoided collapsing on him and smearing us both with cum, instead rolling beside Emmett, a hand on my chest trying to catch my breath. "God Em', you have no idea what you're doing to me."

Emmett chuckled, and leapt out of bed to get a tissue and wipe the worst of the mess off his immaculate chest. He quickly came back to bed, which started feeling like our nesting place after so many days spent there. I clung to him as soon as he nestled back under the covers, snuggling my head in is neck, taking in a deep breath, allowing myself to take in his drug-like smell.

"I missed you so much Emmett…" Somehow, our animalistic coitus put in light everything I hadn't had, everything that I now had once again. Tears formed in my eyes at the simple thought of having Emmett back in my arms. Months ago I would have felt like a hormonal girl, but right then I was so happy I thought I could burst.

Emmett stroked my hair soothingly while holding my back to press me against him "I missed you too, Jake. From now on we're staying together. I'll kidnap you to France as soon as possible, and we'll stay as long as you want. I want us to rediscover each other. But I think we should return home later day, bound to be questions to answer …"

I groaned, took another deep breath to inhale his scent and agreed "Yeah, you're right. I can't wait to have you all for myself though."

* * *

A couple of hours later we were in front of the mansion, Emmett with a strong arm draped around my shoulders, making sure everyone knew that the problems were solved. Like every time since Edward had left with Bella to a trip around Europe, no one was there to open the door before we arrived.

Emmett opened it to let us in, and immediately the whole family, hearing the door open, blurred to the entrance. They all smiled gently when seeing us together. Rosalie was the first to comment "Well, that took a while !"

Emmett chuckled "Thanks, Rose, you were great." I had no clue what he was referring to. Probably what she did when he stopped by before coming to get me … ?

Esme shook her head disapprovingly "Don't scare us like this again, both of you !"

Carlisle admonished "Hopefully you'll have learnt honesty could have avoided all this trouble."

We both nodded sheepishly, and Carlisle and Esme blurred away, at which point Alice bounced towards us "I knew it ! I knew it ! I didn't need to see you together in the future to know it !" She hugged us both tightly one by one.

Jasper smiled tightly "It'll be nice to feel your young love around again !" I remembered only then he wasn't comfortable with gay love. Oh well, he could go fuck himself, I wasn't letting go of Emmett any time soon ! Alice and Jasper left too, leaving Rosalie. She was smiling fondly at us.

"You know, I have to say, I'm happy I left. You two look really happy." A powerful surge of emotion bubbled up in my heart when she said that. Gratefulness, mostly, for noticing we were happy, and for saying she was happy to remove herself from the equation to make us happy. I knew that, even though she would probably never admit it, it still had cost her to leave Emmett.

"I'm sure you'll find your mister perfect, Rose. It just wasn't me." Emmett said in a low voice.

"To be honest, I'm not looking right now, I'm happy to be on my own and free again !" Rosalie exclaimed, chuckling.

"No doubt…" He turned to me "I think you should go see your dad, Jake …" He made to untangle from me, and I couldn't help but feeling panic bubble up in me. This wasn't like him going to hunt for a couple of hours, I'd probably not see him for a day or two, and then what if something happened … ?

"Could you please come with ?" I asked in a troubling submissive voice, latching myself to his arm. From the corner of the eye I saw Rosalie blur away.

He frowned "I don't know if it's a good idea… Won't your dad and Sam hate me for all this … ?"

He was probably right … Still, I really did not want to be parted right then, _at all_. "Please, I'll be there to make sure they don't say anything stupid. I just don't want to be without you right now …"

His gentle smile returned "Sure, let's go."

* * *

We arrived home a little while later, Emmett carrying me to avoid me having to strip then phase and to get there faster. He gently put me down, and I strode towards the entrance. I thought it'd be better not to be too obvious about or relationship, to avoid irritating dad before we even said hi. I took a deep breath and Emmett, probably seeing I was nervous, put a strong hand on my shoulder, which immediately calmed me down. God did I love my big teddy bear !

I opened the door and entered, followed by Emmett's heavy yet discreet footstep. Dad was in the living room, watching television. When he saw me, he immediately reached for the remote to turn the TV off.

"Jake !" He exclaimed, and I strode to give him a hug. I was anxious though to see how he would take to Emmett's presence and my leaving to France which I planned to announce then.

When I stepped away, Emmett leapt forward to present his hand and say "Mr Black."

Dad didn't disappoint me this time, he took Emmett's hand and answered "Mr Cullen."

"Please, it's Emmett."

Dad squinted an eye "Very well, Emmett. I wondered if I could have a word with you." Dad looked pointedly at me, but I wasn't hot about leaving them together …

"It's alright, Jake." Emmett said, making it clear I should leave, which I did. I could only hope I'd be told whatever had transpired between them.

I strode out to the garage, irritated to having been cast aside. I told myself it was important my dad and Emmett had a good relationship, I wanted them to like each other, and it was for the best if they could talk things out without having to worry about me being insulted or hearing whatever my dad wanted to say… At least I wasn't feeling tired, that was certainly a start ! I was feeling hungry though, but that was normal, I was always kind'a hungry when not Emmett-deprived.

I could already feel the pull of the imprint complaining about our distance. What took them so long ?! Maybe I should go in and see what was happening … No, that would simply irritate them. Or maybe they were waiting for me to come back ? They must have been there at least two hours ! Or maybe it was two minutes …

"Jake ?" Emmett called gently. I whipped around and saw he was standing right at the entrance to the garage. "Your dad wants to talk to you in private too."

I exhaled, irritated. What did he want now ? Couldn't he understand I wanted nothing else than a quiet moment with Emmett ? I had to calm myself. He was my dad for God's sake, of course he wanted to talk to me ! We had grown close during the last months, he'd done everything he could to help out when Emmett wasn't there. Still, now all I cared about was being alone. Funny how things changed… Well, alone _with_ Emmett, but that went without saying. Obviously.

I strolled into the living room and sat on the couch facing dad's wheelchair. "Jake, everything alright ?"

I nodded "Yes, now that he's here everything's good !"

"He told me about your head, shouldn't you have it checked out ?"

"No, it's fine, it healed."

"You remember what I said ? I only want the best for you, I don't want you to get hurt."

Alarm bells went up. A question about my head followed by a declaration about me not getting hurt. Where was this going ? "Yes …" I answered cautiously.

"What happened ?"

"I made a mistake, it wasn't his fault."

Dad nodded doubtfully "Are you sure everything is alright ?"

"Yes, dad ! I can't even remember being this happy ! You don't need to worry !"

"Jake, I'm your dad, I'll worry whatever happens. But as long as you say you're happy I guess it'll have to be enough for me. You're eighteen anyway, and I think you're mature enough to know what's best for you. Not that the imprint gives you a lot of choice anyway …"

"About that … Em' invited me on a trip to France. We need some time alone to work things out and learn to be with each other again. But I know you need help, so if-"

"Actually, Jake" Dad cut me off "Emmett offered to pay for a part time helper."

What ?! "…" I was flabbergasted to say the least ! Why hadn't Emmett told me this ? And since when did dad accept vampire charity ? That wasn't like him ! "And … You _Accepted _?" I

I would never have thought dad would accept Emmett's money ! And I didn't know if I wanted him to or if I liked it ! This was probably very hypocritical, seeing as I had accepted to be treated to a Holiday to an expensive place, but still !

"Emmett thought you'd react like this. He said that if he had discussed it with you before you'd have refused to let him suggest this. He wanted to get me full-time help, but I said part-time was enough. Look, Jake, I'm accepting because of _you_. I want you to be free, not to be anchored here because of me. This way you don't have to feel like you have to stay to help me, or feel guilty about anything."

"But – but …" I struggled for an argument to counter Emmett's well thought plan. I wasn't even sure why I tried, it was a wonderful idea after all. But some part of me still wanted my dad to be dependent on my help. It wasn't because of some kind of power play, I just – I wanted dad to be able to count on me. This was a big change. I wouldn't be the one to take dad to Charlie, to help him to bed, to cook dinner, to take care of the money – That's it !

"Dad, you really want to welcome someone you don't know in here ?"

"I am not. You know, it's difficult for Quileute teenagers to find job. They don't work enormously, they don't go to shiny universities. So I'll be giving one of our teenagers a job ! It'll have to be someone motivated of course, I'm not going to waste your boyfriend's money. If I accept it, I'm going to make good use of it. You know, I had a few long talks with Paul as the head of the Tribe. He's been changing for the better, and he's constantly offering his help. I'm not saying he'll ever be able to make up for what he did, but he's looking for a job to help restructure himself, and that way I'll be able to keep an eye on him."

I shook my head "Dad, Emmett can't see Paul. It's a miracle there was no blood last time they met, but Em' clearly said he didn't want to see Paul ever again. And now that all this is over, I'm not sleeping within ten miles of that guy !" An old anger was steadily rising. It was like all my feelings had been quenched by Emmett's absence, swamped by the almighty pain of my Imprint's absence; but now things were different. He had never been punished for what he did, he never had to pay for making my life a living hell ! Now that I thought about it, I wished Emmett had done something, had shown our relationship wasn't to be trifled with. I squared my jaw. If I ever crossed Paul, I wouldn't let him off the hook as easily.

My dad grimaced "I didn't think about that. But let's be honest, can you tell me that you won't sleep with Emmett every single night from now on ? After your little holiday, do you think you will want to come back and sleep here while he's with the rest of the coven ?"

Touché. Dad 1, Jake 0. "Why don't you discuss it with Emmett ? He seems like an intelligent young man, I'm sure he'll understand." I wasn't so sure …

"Alright. I need to have a word with Sam before the day is out."

"Of course, just think about it. I won't take him if you don't want me to, Jake, I want you to know that. But I think it's a good idea, and I only ask you to at least consider it !" That was reasonable, and the least I could do if it dad thought it was that important.

I gave him a good-bye hug and joined Emmett outside. I scowled at him "Why didn't you tell me about that idea of yours ?"

He shrugged "Can you honestly tell me you'd have gone with it if I had ?"

"No" I agreed grudgingly "But now dad wants to hire Paul." Emmett's face didn't betray any emotion whatsoever. I had no idea how he was feeling about it…

He stayed silent for a long minute, before asking "What do you think ?"

"Right now I want to break the idiot's nose." I replied, angry.

He frowned "You certainly changed your tune !"

"It's different now ! Now you're back, it's like all my feelings are back. I don't want him anywhere near my dad !"

Emmett squinted his eyes, before taking my arm and dragging me into the garage. He closed the door shut and looked intensely at me "Would you have wanted me to be more angry at Paul ? Would you have wanted me to make him pay ?"

I remembered feeling something close to that a day before. But what did I really feel right then ? "I don't want what I think, I don't know what I feel. It's like my life was put on hold and now it's continuing again. And, I made up with him when you were gone. I can't just be furious at him now ! But now he's going to be _at home_ half the time, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do ! I –"

"Hey, hey, calm down, Jake. I'm sorry, I came down a little hard. It's not strange that you are confused like that." He took me in his arms, which helped me relax "I have to say, I'm not too hot on either of us seeing that guy ever again. I think he proved beyond doubt that he can't be trusted."

I nodded "I don't want to see him again. I'm done with him."

"Do you want me to tell your dad ? Or we could go together, unless you want to do it on your own."

"Let's tell him together. I still need a word with Sam …"

We went back inside.

"Jake ? Didn't you say you were going to Sam's ?" Emmett was standing right behind me, his arms on my waist.

"Dad, I just wanted to say, I can't have Paul here, I just can't."

"Jake, I know it's hard, but-"

"Mr Black, with all due respect, you can't ask this of your son. And I'm not keen on Jake being within ten leagues of that guy either. So if you would please simply accept your son's decision, we would both be grateful."

Dad seemed about to erupt, so I quickly added "It just won't work dad, sorry but you're asking too much of me."

"Alright, of course, I understand. Don't worry, I'll find someone else !" The name Leah trailed in my mind. She could do with something to fill her days and change her mind "Why don't you ask Sue if Leah wants to help ?"

Dad nodded "Yeah, I will. Don't worry, it won't be a problem !"

Emmett and I turned around, heading to Sam's this time. I started to feel tired again, wishing to be able to slumber on a comfortable bed with Emmett nearby.

* * *

When we arrived, we found Sam and Emily preparing dinner together. A tiny part of me wished Emmett and I could share a meal, but the feeling was quickly swamped away by the Imprint. Then I simply wished we could do something together, like when we were building that cabin. To be honest, I could not _wait_ to be on my way to France.

"Hello Sam, Em' !" I said, trying to sound delighted to see them when all I wanted was to creep in bed.

They whipped around, apparently not having heard –or smelled- us come. "Oh hey Jake !" Emily exclaimed, a large smile lighting up her face.

"Jake. Cullen." Sam acknowledged carefully.

Emmett smiled and nodded from the doorstep, where he had chosen to stay "Good evening to both of you." He said every formally.

"I just wanted to say that everything is back to normal now !" I said, hoping to be allowed to make a quick escape.

Sam's neutral face broke into a smile "Good, I'm glad. I hope you two know how to avoid this happening again."

Emmett chuckled "Hell, don't worry, next time I see Jake going down on someone else, I'll make sure to talk to him first and break his nose afterwards !"

I rolled my eyes "Anyway, we're not going to interrupt your dinner further. Have a good night !"

They bid us farewell, and Emmett and I turned round to leave. I let out a long sigh.

"Everything alright ?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I just can't wait to lie down."

"Hum … So how should we do this ?"

I knew exactly what he was asking; did we each go home like none of this happened, or did we use this to inaugurate new habits ? I knew the answer right away "Can we stick together ?"

He grinned "I was hoping you'd say something like that ! Let's get you home and fill that black hole you have instead of a stomach !" I realized just how hungry I was when he said that. "Want me to carry you back ?"

Not particularly feeling like stripping naked right then, I agreed.

* * *

We were in the kitchen of the Cullen mansion. Emmett had whipped a French recipe of his. Some kind of thin pancake, but that tasted ten times better. 'Crepes' he called it. Apparently it was a recipe from (*)Brittany. He started by putting some of the paste into a frying pan until it cooked to a very thin pancake. Then he flipped it around before adding ham, cheese and egg and a herb I'd never seen. He folded the pancake in two, waited a minute or two and served it to me on a plate with a glass of cider.

I have to say, if I hadn't been aware of Emmett's culinary talents, I would hardly have believed he just made something that wonderfully delicious in under five minutes. He made two of those, then went on to make two with cacao powder, sugar and butter. I think that was the best desert I had ever tasted. The spirits definitely knew what they were doing when they made me imprint on him. And my spirits were definitely soaring !

"God, Em', is there anything you don't know how to do ?!"

He chuckled "Come on, this is the simplest and quickest recipe in my repertoire ! Well, at least of the good ones. With a little luck you have all eternity to try out my different recipes !"

I yawned "Right now I really want to try out your bed …"

He nodded, smiling "I'll just clear this up, be there in a minute !"

"No, you've spoilt me enough, you can at least let me do the dishes."

"Jake, we have a dishwasher. Using my speed it'll take thirty secs to take care of it. Just go up, I'll join you."

I rolled my eyes, but went to his bedroom, swayed by his arguments.

As promised, I didn't have to wait long before Emmett erupted into the bedroom. By then, to speak frankly, I was all sexed up. When he arrived, I had stripped to my boxers and laid down over the covers, hoping to warm Emmett up ... so to speak.

When he saw me, he grinned and chuckled "Thought you said you were tired ?"

I pouted playfully "Not just yet … " I also put my hands behind my head, revealing my armpits. Emmett's grin deepened and he jumped onto the bed, before crawling seductively up to me. His cold fingers traced invisible lines on my abs, before I brought him up into a searing kiss.

When I broke off, I complained "There are much too many clothes involved in this." Before taking hold of the hem of his T-shirt and pulling it over his head. He lowered his head to be able to undo his belt and slip them and his boxers off, before ripping my boxers down.

"Better ?"

"Much." Emmett gave me another quick kiss, before moving down to suck on one of my nipples. I gave out a loud moan, before snapping my mouth shut, remembering we weren't alone. A quick glance to the door told me it was shut and even looked locked. I knew the room was soundproof, so I let myself moan after that.

Emmett nipped on a nipple while playing with the other one "God – Em' – Fuck !"

He pressed a few cold kisses to my abs before giving a playful lick to my cock. Fuck, finding that feeling again after five months almost made me cum on the spot. I bucked and cursed, closing my eyes. His cold fingers brushed against my balls, before taking a strong grip of my cock and starting to give me an excruciatingly slow blowjob.

"Mmh … Fuck Em' feels so good !" I let myself enjoy the blissful feeling for a little while before thinking I should be taking care of Emmett too. "Em', how about a 69 ?" He didn't answer but turned around, staying on all fours above me. His hard cock right above my head, I didn't waste time teasing him. I could feel myself edge dangerously close to climax, and I knew he had ten times my stamina. One of my hands cupped his sac gently while the other one gave a slow handjob to the root of his cock.

One of Emmett's hands roughly squeezed my balls and I bucked in his mouth, making him gag. His hand shot down to press down under my sac, making sure I didn't buck again. His icy fingers were close to my arse, if only he would inch lower down …

Suddenly Emmett started deep throating me, which made me hum on his cock. Fuck it felt wonderful ! He could almost take all of me in ! And the best part was that he didn't need to breathe ! His hand finally moved down and rested on the crease of my arse. I spread my legs wide to make it clear I wanted this more than anything. It felt weird being so whore-ish, but I'd learnt not to take notice.

I started sucking hard on his cock, feeling my balls tighten, and my climax approaching fast simply with one of his cold fingers resting between my two warm arse cheeks. He moaned when I increased the speed of my head bobbing up and down on cock. Emmett's middle finger slowly started digging its way down in my crease. I tried bucking up, but his hand kept my waist unmoving. When his finger reached my overly hot hole and rubbed on it, all my muscles tensed, I stopped sucking on his cock and threw my head back "FUUUCK !" I yelled out as I came, filling his mouth with cum which he couldn't swallow.

I panted, Emmett's pleasure shamefully far away from my mind at that moment. I still couldn't believe that touching my hole had that effect, but I had to admit it felt better than anything else.

My breathing slowly calmed down and I opened my eyes before noticing Emmett wasn't above me anymore. I frowned; where was he ? I quickly got my answer, the door opened and he strolled back in, clad in boxers.

"Hey, you weren't done !" I exclaimed.

His eyebrows shot up "Yes, well, I'm sorry but I suddenly had a mouthful of something I couldn't swallow, so …"

My face heated up. Oops. I knew he couldn't swallow my cum, and he'd asked me to warn him whenever I was close to avoid having to go through the gruelling task of spitting my semen out. "I'm sorry …"

He smiled "It's alright, you had a bit of a mouthful too !"

"Well, next time fuck me and we won't have any problem." I said, before thinking through anything at all.

His smiled disappeared, his face growing serious "Do you want me to ?"

My heart started hammering, and I hesitated only a second before admitting in a whisper "You have no idea …"

"You know it's not without risks ?"

I frowned "What'd you mean ?"

He sighed "I can get pretty frenzied when I do … _that_. You could get hurt !"

I rolled my eyes "I'm not your regular human, Em' !"

He snorted "You have no idea how I would feel if anything happened, do you ?"

"Look, Em', you know I can heal anything in a heartbeat ! And you know I'd never, _ever_, blame you for anything. Look, I realize I'm pushing for this, I hear you, so if anything happens, it'll be entirely MY fault, alright ?"

"Yeah … I don't know though …" He came to sit in front of me on the bed.

I hated what I was going to say, but I really needed him to understand "You know, simply having you touching me down there is mind blowing, I really want you to … you know …"

There was a tense silence, before he said "Ok, I promise we'll try when we're alone on holiday. I want your first time to be special, and on this bed where … so much … has happened is definitely not fitting that description. Is it ok to wait until we're home in France ?"

I nodded, hiding how excited I really was. God, I could not _wait_ ! I had made some quick research during the last five months, and I thought it had something to do with the wolf being claimed by its mate. With everything that had happened with Paul, Emmett being absent and all had only made my wolf so much eager.

Excited all of sudden, I snaked a hand down to Emmett's underwear, but he grabbed my wrist "Uh, uh, young wolves should be in bed at this hour. You said you were tired, let's get you to bed !" I rolled my eyes but didn't protest. After all, it was true I had complained about being tired, and I WAS tired ! I slipped under the covers, but startled when Emmett started tucking in the covers.

"Aren't you joining me ?!" I stilled his movements by grabbing his hand.

He smiled apologetically "No, there's work to be done !"

"What are you talking about ?"

"It's a surprise." Emmett said, before bending to kiss my forehead and blurring out. Troubled by this abrupt ending to a long day, it took me a good while to find sleep.


	37. A Well-Deserved Holiday

_**"Because, [Emmett], love of my life, I don't longer believe that I do not deserve you. For only by loving you as you deserve will I become so."**_

- _The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel_

**Warning: Graphic Gay sex.  
**

* * *

**Chapter XXXVII: A WELL-DESERVED HOLIDAY  
**

* * *

_I was in my wolf __form__, strolling aimlessly in the woods. Beside me was a wolf. He looked more like a pup, but I got the feeling he would grow to be an enormous wolf, a large, powerful, muscular one. I felt strongly about him…_

_He was as white as snow, with Emmett's entrancing molten gold eyes._

_I stopped and laid down on the soft soil, enjoying the feeling of the cool ground on my warm belly. The white wolf went to stand in front of me. When he opened his large mouth, I could hear him talk as a human. Stranger things happened in dreams …_

'_Do you know where dad is ?'_

'_Who is your dad ?'_

'_He's the strongest person and the most caring one I know. Why isn't he with you ?'_

_I frowned 'Why would your dad be with me ?'_

'_You love him, dad.' _

I woke up abruptly. It took me a while to get my bearings back; alone in Emmett's bed at the Cullen mansion. That night I hadn't been blessed with a peaceful sleep; bits of nightmares came back to me as I emerged from my sleep hazed state. The same one as the first night since Emmett came back to me kept playing in my head; we talked, and when I went for a hug he vanished. That, and the bizarre one about some white wolf…

But I didn't dwell on that strange dream, strange was the norm when it came to the world of the night. Instead, I wondered where Emmett was, and more accurately why he wasn't here, as in with me, in bed ! I wanted to wake up with him against me. I knew it was selfish to ask of him to stay with me at night when he didn't sleep, but to be honest I wanted to be a bit selfish at the moment.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes awake. "Em' ?" I croaked out with my mouth feeling flurry and dry after a long night's sleep. I felt all sticky, I had probably spent my night sweating without Emmett's cooling presence … Sleeping with him was about ten hundred billion times better.

The door silently opened, and a careful Emmett stuck his head through the door, probably checking if I was awake. He squinted as his eyes got used to the darkness, and whispered "Jake ?"

"I'm awake." I grumbled, still wondering why I'd woken up alone. Emmett opened the door slowly and I saw he was carrying a large tray. He gently put it down on the bed at my feet and went to open the curtains, letting the usual grey sky light up the room.

Then he came to sit on the bed beside me to give me a proper good morning kiss. "Sleep ok ?"

I shrugged "I prefer waking up with you around."

"I know, I'm sorry, it took me all night and morning, but I just got it fixed."

I perked up at the sight of the piled pancakes Emmett had brought in. "I pressed some fresh apple juice, too." He said, looking quite proud.

I mouthed a thank you and dug in heartily. Life always seemed brighter with a filled stomach. I wasn't entirely sure why I was so pissed … Probably the combination of nightmares and not finding Emmett in the morning; that last thing was probably what I had missed most in the past months: waking up alone in my damp cold room was dreadful. Always took me hours to get over the feeling and get on with my days.

Emmett nudged my shoulder "I'm sorry, I didn't see the time fly." I leaned my head on his shoulder. I knew I was being childish, I just … Well, let's be honest, this wasn't how I had pictured my first morning back in Emmett's arms. In theory it wasn't the first morning, but it was the first one since everything was fixed. I had spent days fantasizing about how it would be, and I couldn't say being tucked into bed alone and waking up alone was how I had imagined it would happen. All this was pretty anti-climactic.

I continued to eat, deciding we would talk later one. Emmett let me finish up the delicious breakfast – being with a real cook certainly had its perks – before he directed my attention to an envelope that had been carefully placed on the tray. I frowned, was this the surprise ? I quickly wiped my greasy hands and took the envelope, curious.

I opened it swiftly and found there was a letter and two slips of paper. The letter was simple:

_Jake,_

_I hope this is something you want to do._

_Emmett._

The two slips of paper were two round-trip flights to Nice. "The date to go there is booked, but the date back isn't decided, so we can stay as long as you want. Everything is planned, you only need to pack if you want to go." I took a closer look and discovered they were business class on the following day. God I felt childish for complaining about him not coming to bed if he'd spent the night doing this …

"If you don't-" I didn't let him finish, I threw myself in his arms and kissed him, sending to tray flying off the bed in the process.

"It's perfect, Em'. I don't know what to say …" I hugged him tight, burying my head in his neck and inhaling his intoxicating smell.

"Just say you'll come."

"Of course I'll come ! Thanks Em', it's exactly what I wanted, get out of here as soon as possible."

"Good, I'll pack the stuff you have here, you'll just need to bring whatever you have at home !" I nodded on Emmett's shoulder. I'd go and pack the few things I needed later, it wasn't like I had tons of clothes anyway !

"We'll probably need to wash clothes, I don't have much …"

"We'll buy you stuff when we get there. Don't worry about that !"

I gritted my teeth "No need to spend all your money on me !"

Emmett chuckled "Don't worry about it, it's not going to even dent my savings. Besides, for the first time in seventy years I actually have something to spend it on, so I'm not going to pass on that !" I rolled my eyes. From that point of view, I guess it made sense. And after all, if he _wanted_ to spend his money, and if there was no chance I could ever use up too much, I could let myself enjoy having plenty for the first time in my life.

Emmett pulled out of the hug and stood up, before taking the tray out. I jumped out of bed and locked myself into the en-suite bathroom, before ducking under hot water in the incredibly large bath. As soon as I was clean and dry, I felt like a new person. Emmett was back, my stomach was full, I was clean and we were going on a holiday only the two of us; could things possibly get better ?!

I returned to the room in my boxers, finding Emmett sitting on the bed. He hummed "My wolf is looking good !"

I grinned boyishly at his comment, proud of how good I was looking when Emmett was around. "So d'you want to go home and get your stuff now, or … ?" He trailed off.

I was all excited at that moment, and for once my mind wasn't focused on having sex with Emmett. I felt like rushing home, packing the meagre stuff I had, rush back, rush to France and _then_ have awesome sex with Emmett.

"Sure ! Do you want me to come with ?" I immediately nodded, and Emmett smiled. I pulled on a pair of cut-offs and a loose shirt. Moving clothes to Emmett's really was a good idea !

* * *

It didn't take us long to go home and get my stuff. What did take a while, was when dad had Leah come over so we could all agree it was a done deal. Emmett and her talked salary for a little while, and we were finally able to leave.

I was giddy like a schoolboy, even though the trip wasn't before the next day. On the whole trip back I assailed Emmett with questions about the country, the food, where we'd stay, what we'd do, and a million other subjects. My imprint was as excited as me, because he answered all the questions enthusiastically. I learnt a lot about his home country that day.

He told me all about his childhood, how it was growing up there, how people were, how it was to live there. Afterwards I realized how little I knew about the world I lived in. I barely knew what was going on in the US, let alone Europe or any of the other continents ! I also started to understand why Edward and Bella went on their 'visiting the world' year trip.

I'd had a quick word with dad, and he was glad I was off with Emmett, glad I'd see the world, like he said. Also said I could stay as long as I wanted, so at least there was no problem there !

Emmett fixed me some lunch as soon as we were back at the mansion. I had to admit, being taken care of like that was plain weird. Good weird, but weird. For a little moment I got worried I should try to return the favours, and sticking to my new vows I asked Emmett if he didn't mind and if there was anything I could do to help. He made me understand it literally was a pleasure to do all that, to get to make food for someone to eat again and stuff like that. He also said he'd tell me if I could help, so after that I just let myself enjoy it, and stopped worrying. Let's just say I learnt my lesson. Trust Emmett.

After lunch he and I decided to get some air. I stripped and phased in the woods, and he put my clothes in a backpack. We ran side by side, something we rarely did. It was indescribably nice to run beside Emmett with no expectations, no one to answer to, no school or homework.

We didn't talk, and we didn't need to – well, to be honest we couldn't actually talk unless I phased back – it was just us, we didn't need to say anything, being together was enough. Running aimlessly we arrived at a beach. Probably because of the grey sky, it was entirely empty. I remembered the last time and I immediately wanted to do it again, so I phased back.

"Want to take a dive ?" I asked Emmett, who was looking to the horizon, his eyes lost. Upon hearing my voice, his eyes focused on me, before grinning and nodding. I didn't have to strip, so I simply walked to the water, quickly entering the cold water, shivering as it reached my cock. It felt incredibly nice, like having Emmett literally all around me.

I didn't have to wait long before I felt him behind me just like the first time we came. This time though, his cock was as hard it gets, and nestled itself between my arse cheeks. "Molesting a young wolf ?" I asked, teasing.

"How am I supposed to resist your gorgeous arse walking down to the water ?!" Emmett chuckled low.

"You don't have to resist the temptation, you can succumb to it." I answered sensuously. I could feel my own cock harden slowly. Emmett's strong arms were around me and I was leaning against him. Trying to be discreet, I rubbed my arse up and down his shaft, but wasn't able to get a sound out of him.

After a few seconds though, he said through clenched teeth "God Jake if you don't stop I'm not accountable for what I'll do."

"Perfect." I purred and carried on to rub his cock between my arse cheeks at a faster rhythm. His hands sprang into action, one shooting down to grab my hard cock under the water line while the other one toyed with one of my nipples.

I cursed loudly as he started stimulating those two places at once. My hands reached behind to bring him into a kiss as I turned my head. When air was low, I pulled out of the kiss and turned to face him, a hand shooting down to his white long erection. He already had me in hand and was jerking me at full speed shamelessly.

"God – fuck – Em' !" I managed to stutter before he cupped my head to kiss me again. I rutted in his hand as I felt my climax inch closer desperately quickly. His second hand was still around my neck, before he pulled my head into the crook of his neck, and I felt him press kisses to the side of my throat. I groaned at the assault of sensations, and my hand sped uncoordinated on his cock. My second hand also travelled down to cup his sac, before I took hold of one of his balls and rolled it between my thumb and index.

He made a guttural noise before throwing his head back, and I was able to rake my teeth on his throat, kissing and licking as I went. God he tasted incredible ! The hand around my neck fell by his side, but quickly he pulled himself together and started rubbing the sweet spot right under my sac while his other hand continued to jerk me at a frenzied rhythm. I cursed, half yelling, and felt my balls tighten to grip the root of my cock.

We both came seconds later while kissing passionately, Emmett's tongue deep within my mouth.

* * *

I was sitting on the plane next to Emmett, in business class. My hands were tightly gripping the armrests, my head was thrown back and my eyes were closed tightly shut. This was my second time flying – the first one being when we went to London – and I had hated both take-off and landing. Well, I still hated take-off and landing !

I felt Emmett's cold hand rest on mine, and I turned the palm up so I could squeeze his hand to death. I felt myself calming down instantly, hammering heartbeat slowing and cold sweat disappearing. I really had no idea how I had survived five months without him …

When the plane was high up in the sky, peacefully flying onwards to London, where we would change plane for Nice, Emmett asked "You alright ?" I nodded meekly.

He frowned "I can't remember you having a tough time when we went to London !"

I chuckled, feeling my spirits rising at hearing Emmett had paid attention even back then "I didn't… I think I was too excited at being alone with you for a whole week !"

Emmett pouted "So you're not excited now ?"

I bent to kiss his cheek "Of course I am, but it's a different kind of excitement. Back then I was glad you paid attention to me at all, now I'm excited to have my boyfriend all for myself as long as I want !"

Emmett grinned "Boyfriend ? I like the sound of that…" His grin deepened into a cheeky one, before he winked and whispered "You know, they just made gay marriage legal in France !"

I felt my face heat up and I tensed. Ok, that was something I had _never_ thought about. Not even in those lonely five months had the idea been anywhere on my mind. Was he going to propose … ? Oh God what if he did ?! Did I want to get married at eighteen ? True, I'd never be with anyone else, but still ! Marrying a vampire was bound to create incredible friction !

"Hey, Jake, I was teasing you, I'm not going to propose any time soon." I slumped down on my classy chair but avoided to sigh.

"Ok, because honestly I'm not ready." I said, feeling the need to be absolutely clear and honest. Emmett threaded an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in towards him. Somehow he had gotten two joint chairs without separation in between, but I wasn't going to dwell on that. I melted against him.

"Honestly I'm not either. And I only married Rose because it seemed really important to her. For some reason she wanted the big white wedding and all…" He shook his head, looking puzzled.

I chuckled. The spirits definitely knew what they were doing. "Well, at least we're agreed that marriage is weird !"

"It's like Ed' and his girl ! Why does he absolutely need to marry her ? I mean sure, eighty years ago you had to marry the girl before fucking her, but that's the point ! He's had eighty years to get used to the new ways !"

I rolled my eyes "Jeeze Em' ! You've got such high respect for girls it's bluffing !"

He hummed, before turning down to me "Good thing you're a guy then !"

Just as I was about to reply, the plane literally jumped, making me yelp and jump too. I untangled myself from Emmett and sat up straight, craning my neck to see what was happening.

"Relax Jake, it's just a little-" He was interrupted by another one of my yelps as the whole plane started shaking. I turned to Emmett, positively terrified. Were we going to crash ?! People around yelped too and looked about worriedly.

Emmett didn't disappoint, he unbuckled my seat belt – which made me wince simply thinking about what could happen – did the same for his, before picking me up by my armpits and sitting me facing him on his lap, without giving me time to react.

Before I knew it, he had cupped my head rather forcefully and was forcing me to look at him while stroking my hair. It was incredible how fast that calmed me down, but I had no idea how he knew what to do when I didn't know that would have worked… Well, on an afterthought, he probably went overboard – putting me on his lap and all – but at that precise moment I lunged myself in a tight hug.

The plane soon stopped shaking and I felt my breathing calm itself. "Ok, I was going to say it was a little turbulence, but that was a big one !"

"Fuck !" I cursed "Was that normal ?"

Emmett chuckled "Well, not that much … You're ok ?"

"Yeah …" I let out, feeling the adrenaline leave my system.

"You should try to sleep, the flight is long and it'll be morning by the time we get to London." It was true that we were on a night flight… I sighed, not feeling like climbing off Emmett's lap. I nestled myself on him, entirely oblivious to the curious looks we were receiving. I did notice none of them were like hateful or disgusted, merely genuine curiosity. I also noticed I probably looked like a big baby being picked up and sat on Emmett's lap, but I didn't give a rat's ass about that.

"We can bend our seats down so it's more like a bed and we can stay together."

"Ok." I immediately answered, before climbing off his lap. Emmett fiddled with our seats, and soon both of them were horizontal, allowing us to lie down. For the sake of appearance, Emmett spread a quilt over us both as we snuggled together, face to face. Emmett slid an arm under my neck and one over my side pulling me in tight, while my arms were folded between us both.

It wasn't nearly as comfortable as a real bed, well, let's just say we were both cramped, seeing we both are quite bulky and longer than the average person. It would also have been ten times better without so many clothes, but again it would have to do. I closed my eyes.

"I love you Jake." Emmett whispered.

I smiled and said "Love you too."

* * *

The plane landed in Nice airport. We queued at the passport control, before being ushered by the flow of passengers to retrieve our luggages. We had to wait a while, but then Emmett took both of them as though they were empty. I found myself standing awkwardly by his side, hands empty. He marched towards the exit, and made a bee line for a man in his forties who was waving excitedly. I internally groaned – hadn't Emmett said we'd be _alone_ ? Alone as in 'no one can hear me moan when Emmett finally takes me' ?

"Alex' ! Comment ça va ?" _[Alec ! __How__ are you ?]_

"Super ! Il fait une chaleur de folie, mais on a une brise super agreeable aujourd'hui ! Vous avez fait bon voyage ?" _[Good ! It's really hot, but there's a nice little breeze today ! How was your trip ?]_

"Ouais, impec' ! Pas de retard, c'était parfait ! J'te present Jacob, mon copain." Emmett turned to me "Jake, this is Alec', he speaks English, but don't talk too fast." _[Impeccable ! There was no delay, it was perfect ! Le'me present Jacob, my boyfriend]_

"Hi." I nodded, rather shyly.

"Hello." The man replied, looking puzzled, before adding in French "Ton copain, comme dans …" _[Boyfriend as in …]_

"Comme dans je l'aime et si ça pose problem tu peux aller te faire." _[As in I love him and if it's an issue then you can go fuck yourself] _

Alec' chuckled "Aucun problème, c'est juste qu'aux dernière nouvelles, t'avais une femme…. M'enfin bon, allons-y ! La voiture est garée au P5." _[No problem, it's only that last I checked you had a wife … Never mind, let's go ! My car is at the parking 5.]_

Alec' led us out while he and Emmett continued to chat in a speedy French, quite oblivious to my presence. I was happy absorbing the terrific landscape, feeling sure Em' would fill me in later on anything that mattered. We arrived at a large black Audi A8 with tinted windows. Emmett quickly popped our luggage in the trunk, before opening the back door for me to sit.

I was glad to notice my Imprint joined me in the back rather than going with his friend in the front. Alec' gave a quick glance at Em' when he too noticed that, but didn't say anything; he started the car and sped us on our way.

"You alright, Jake ?" Emmett said low so our driver wouldn't be able to hear.

"Yeah, the flight took its toll. I'm like restless but tired all the same, it's weird."

"I know, time difference is a bitch when you need to sleep… Anyway, Alec' is like the butler, he keeps the house clean and drives us around. When I'm not here I usually rent it out, so he takes care of that too. He's a really nice guy, known him for a while and never asked any questions about the fact that I don't eat or age. Might have something to do with the fact he's got a good pay… He's married and lives in a separate smaller house down the road so we'll still be alone."

I leaned against Emmett, my eyes heavy, oblivious to the incredulous glare I received from our driver. Glad to see we would be alone, I smiled for myself at the prospect of things to come.

The drive took about forty-five minutes, which was mainly silent. I drank in the scenery while dozing off on Emmett's side, who had a hand around my shoulders. I could feel the warm sunny weather making me thrive, and couldn't help but wonder how my vampire boyfriend would deal with the sun. To get to the car, Emmett had used a large hat and gloves, but it had to be a pain … Maybe I'd get to see him _au naturel_ as the French say, shining like my very own diamond. Then again, his cold skin would be ideal to cool me down at night in this hot weather !

Alec' dropped us off in front of a massive wooden gate. Emmett, after peaking around, took his hat and gloves off and started to glimmer. He went to type in the code and the gate started to open inwards. I grabbed my luggage before Emmett could take both of them again, and craned my neck to try and get a view of the villa.

Well, it didn't disappoint.

There was an old-looking red brick trail that led to a house that was at least at large as the Mansion in Forks. It was painted in a faint orange colour, with red tiles as a roof. It looked so … European ! The garden was luxurious, filled with orange, cherry and olive trees. The large house gave on a terrace, in front of which was an azure pool. The whole ground was covered in a thick luscious green grass. The red brick trail got larger when approaching the house, ending on a magnificent fountain before giving on what looked like the main entrance to the house. Small sculpted street lamps were peppered around the grounds, and I spotted a few buried lamps, no doubt designed to light the trees up at night. Birds were singing, and the trademark crickets of the Mediterranean were chirping incredibly loud.

I dropped my bag as I gaped. This was from another world. The sky was literally sky blue and there was no a single cloud in sight. The grounds were surrounded by tall cypresses, preventing anyone from peering in. This was simply perfect … I could already see myself in swimming shorts, strolling around the gigantic garden, or maybe playing volleyball with Emmett, or swimming in the pool all day, or playing badminton or whatever. If we ever got bored we only had to put on some clothes and Emmett could show me around, we'd go to his birthplace and stuff like that. I shivered, this couldn't be more perfect.

I couldn't imagine losing my virginity in a better place or at a happier moment.

The inside was just as stunning. The walls and ceiling were white, giving a nice fresh and clean impression. The entrance gave on the living room, with the kitchen and a bar at one end, a dining table at the centre and a TV corner at the other end – with what probably was the largest TV I had ever seen. The shutters were all open, a courtesy of Alec' no doubt.

Emmett dropped his bag in the entrance and I followed suit. He kicked his shoes off and bent down to take his socks off too. "God I love this temperature ! I can't wait to get the shorts out !"

"Aren't you afraid someone will see you shine ?" I asked cautiously.

He guffawed "Naw, I'm safe here, that's the point of the tall hedge. When we go out I'll have to put the pants back on… Doesn't change much really, it's not like I could get cold, but it feels really nice when it's hot and the sun is shining on my skin ! Warms me up nicely. Come on, I'll show you the master bedroom !" He took his bag and strode towards the TV-corner. I followed him with my bag, and discovered there was a door that you didn't see from the entrance behind the TV. He slid it open, to reveal the bedroom. The bed was a massive wood framed one, looked as wide as it was long with a puffy white cover. Another sliding door was on the side of the bedroom, and I soon discovered it gave on a large en-suite bedroom.

To help you visualize, the entrance gave on the living room, and faced the terrace. The door to the bedroom was also facing the terrace, aka on the same wall as the entrance door. So when you come in the main entrance, there's the dining table right in front of you, the open kitchen on the right and the TV-corner giving on the bedroom to the left. Equally, when you came out of the bedroom, you faced the terrace and therefore the swimming pool (which, let me remind, is in front of the terrace.)

End of the aside – We dropped our bags in the bedroom, and I opened mine, taking out more comfortable clothes like a pair of cut-offs, flip-flops and a loose T-shirt. Emmett simply took his shirt off and stayed in his jeans, and I debated going around shirtless, but I'd fallen out of the habit of strolling around in only cut-offs, so my shirt stayed on.

The first thing Emmett did was open all the windows, and soon a divine breeze was circulating in the villa, as well as the warm sun that flooded it. I went out on the terrace, and my dozing state made me notice the incredibly comfortable-looking horizontal deckchairs that were standing in the sun. I didn't hesitate before slipping my shirt off – despite my earlier hesitation – and plopping down on one of them, on my stomach.

* * *

I think I nodded off like that in the sun, because I jumped when Emmett placed his icy hand on my shoulder blade.

"Jake, you're going to burn like that in the sun even with your tanned skin, we're not in Forks here …" I opened an eye and was first blinded by the combination of sun and Emmett's shimmering. "I've got sun tan lotion if you want." I nodded groggily. God this felt divine ! The sun was slowly making me sweat, warming up my skin nicely.

I felt Emmett straddle my arse before his cold hands spread the lotion on my back, starting on my lower back before moving up to my shoulders. He massaged it into my skin, and I let myself moan. Fuck this was paradise on earth … I felt him put some cream on the unprotected part of my legs too.

"There you go, all done ! I forgot to tell Alec' to stock up the fridge, usually with Rosalie there's no need, we pretend that we take care of it ourselves. I'll be back in a while, enjoy the sun !" I gave another groggy nod, before nodding off again.

* * *

I was woken up by Emmett splashing in the pool. I lazily opened my eyes, and realized I felt better after my short nap – which probably hadn't been that short … I turned my head to watch Emmett fool around in the pool, and smiled as he grinned up at me.

"Like it so far ?"

"You have no idea … Starting to feel like it did before the whole mess." I had no doubt a good dive in the cool water would make me feel like a new person, after this sun and sleep. Funny how I only needed a few things, really: Emmett, food, sleep and ideally a little sun. Talking about food, my stomach grumbled.

Emmett chuckled "I was surprised you slept so long without waking up hungry ! You slept about five hours, I had to put on some more sun lotion to avoid having you shrivel up…" Five hours ? No wonder I felt so rested … Oh well, wasn't that the whole point of his holiday ?

I sat up shakily, my muscles feeling like jelly after being five hours under the intense sun. Emmett climbed out of the pool, and took hold of a comfy towel while I gathered my bearings. My head was spinning a bit, probably another effect of being so long under the sun … Note to self; avoid falling asleep five hours under the hottest sun ever seen.

I tried not to stare too much at Emmett's skimpy speedos when he started stretching in the evening sun. I could understand why he liked being here, on top of everything, he could walk around freely without being worried about someone catching him glitter. As much as I loved to have my very own personal diamond, it had to be a bitch to light up as a lighthouse every time a ray of sun penetrated the clouds …

"You want something in particular to eat ? Alex' came back with enough food for thirty people, so there's a lot of choice .."

"Hum … I dunno" I mumbled "Anything you feel like preparing ?" I asked, not wanting to be too much of a burden.

He nodded "k', I'll go for something simple and quick then …" He trailed off, pensive, before striding into the kitchen and opening fridge and cupboards. The sight of Emmett cooking in his speedos was one I'd probably never forget, my cock shot up right away, and I shivered as I imagined myself bent over the kitchen bar …

I walked uncomfortably back to the bedroom, where I took a flash icy shower, before changing back to my cut-offs, but electing to go commando – which had the double advantage of being stripped quicker and being less hot. I had to admit I felt like my body was radiating ten times more heat than usually. I returned to the living room, where Emmett was preparing a quick dinner at a bluffing speed. The table was set, and there was a large plate with melon, prosciutto, tomato, mozzarella and pesto, topped with balsamic vinegar and a glass of wine.

"I wasn't sure you'd want wine, but since Alex' bought some … You don't have to drink it if you don't want to, I remember you used to hate it. It's cold and simple food, but hopefully you'll like it, and there's tons of it, so take as much as you want."

"Thanks." I muttered, bluffed as usual by how easily Emmett could put together simple but mouth-watering meals. I sat down, humbled, and started nibbling at the foreign food – granted, I'd heard of everything that was on my plate, but I'd never actually eaten melon, prosciutto or mozzarella, or even pesto or balsamic vinegar, for that matter. I couldn't really remember whatever it was we ate when mom was alive, but with dad it was mainly steak, chips and pizza.

I tasted the melon, and I gaped. It was different from anything I'd ever eaten, and was absolutely wonderful.

"Traditionally you eat the melon with the ham and the tomato with the mozza'. The pesto and vinegar is for the tomatoes, but you can eat them with the mozza' too, it's quite good. I'll just whip up a desert and I'll join you." I heard Emmett rummage silently around while I tasted each article on its own, and tried combining them with the rest. My imprint was right, the prosciutto and melon mixed deliciously well while the cow cheese and tomato were perfect together.

For the first since I could remember, I savoured the meal rather than wolfing it down. I took the occasional sip of wine, it didn't taste as horrible as that one time I had tried it, but it wasn't something I loved either.

Emmett came to sit down well before I was done, and brought something else I'd never heard of this time; some white cream and some red jelly. It didn't look as mouth-watering as that chocolate mousse he'd done that one time, but it probably tasted terrifically !

"So far so good ?" He asked, when I finished my plate, already feeling quite sated. I had to admit, the mozzarella and prosciutto were much more filling than they looked ! I nodded, and Emmett immediately jumped up to take my plate and give me the desert. He had a sparkle in the eye I hadn't seen in a very long time… I could remember seeing that sparkle about six months back before the whole Paul issue came between us.

"This is called a pana cotta" he supplied "you eat it with the red berry coulis." Then he strode to the kitchen, still in his speedos, to dispose of my plate before going to the bedroom, probably to change his clothes. I tasted the milky yogurt-looking cream, and I had to admit it didn't taste that good. I added some of the red whatever-it's-name, and tasted them both together. I hummed; muuuuch better ! This I wolfed down, it was so good I couldn't bring myself to slow down…

I clicked my tongue on my palate a few times, sated and feeling wonderful, and jumped up to do the dishes before Emmett got the occasion to. While I washed, I started wondering how my vampire would hunt while he was here. It didn't look like there was any wild life … I'd have to ask him, worst case I could always phase and help him hunt something down, or a lot of somethings if there wasn't anything of the satisfying size.

Emmett reappeared just as I was done, looking as though he too had taken a quick shower. He'd put on a pair of low waist shorts like me, so I got a glimpse of his happy trail, and when he turned around to close the door I also saw the very top of his arse cheeks and the start of a crease. My earlier excitement hit me like a ton of brick, and I started salivating for my imprint's body. It was impressive how my cock could take over my brain in a matter of seconds. I could already imagine my imprint claiming me properly like my wolf had been yearning for about six months !

He strode to where I was washing my hands in the kitchen, and pressed himself to my back, whispering in my ear "It's weird having someone to help with the chores. Rosalie used to be very happy leaving me to do all the cleaning."

I felt my chest surge with pride at these words. Sometimes it felt like Rosalie was better in all domains, I was quite sure she was incredibly talented in bed, she didn't need to be fed, and she didn't let herself be drugged and molested for Emmett to see. Then he added "And you know, I love being able to cook for someone again, I couldn't with Rosalie, but with you I've got somebody to show off with !" I rolled my eyes but smiled fondly "I'm really glad your wolf chose me, Jake, I want you to know that. I'm honoured."

"God, Em', you're going to make me cry if you continue !" I said low. All the pain and sadness of the last months had been replaced by happiness, and my heart felt like it would pop with elation. Despite my best intentions, I did shed a few tears of happiness. Emmett pressed a kiss under my ear, before pressing another one to the side of my throat, and a last one on my neck.

"Jake you smell so good it's not even possible." I closed my eyes, enjoying Emmett's deep rumbling voice and the trail of his cold lips on my burning skin. His hands came to roam on my chest, and I felt goose bumps wherever his icy fingers would touch my muscles. He pressed his hard cock on me, and I felt it rub on my arse through two layers of clothes, sending waves of pleasure to my very core.

"Fuck Em', we should take this to bed." My imprint scooped me up bridal style, and I picked his lips for a tender kiss while he power walked to the bedroom. For once I thrust my tongue in his ice cavern and let my moist organ explore new sensations.

Emmett put me down gently on the bed before crawling over to pop the button of my shorts and slide them off. I groaned when the material rubbed against my cock.

"Gosh Jake you're so hot when you're all hard for me !" Emmett said as he lovingly took a gentle hold of my balls and rolled each testicle between thumb and index. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, letting out a long moan. Emmett's cold, expert fingers never failed to turn me to jelly. He gave a slow tantalizing lick to the exposed underside of my cock, making me curse.

Emmett grabbed the root of my cock and held it upright, before giving a kiss to my cockhead. He started jerking slowly, dangerously slowly, as his lips closed around my crown and began sucking, making my eyes roll in their orbit; but it was nothing compared to when his tongue traced my slit and gave a few shy attempts at penetrating it.

"Fuck Em' !" I yelled when he did that "If you continue I won't last five secs !" I really wanted to get to the part where he had me on all fours, but as this speed I wouldn't last until he actually started sucking me off !

I felt him shift on the bed, and a cold hand slid between my legs, before creeping into the crease. Soon, he was holding me there, four fingers in my crease and thumb next to my sac. His intent soon became clear. Instead of bobbing up and down, he used his hand to lift my waist up. I saw stars when almost the whole of my cock slid into his cold mouth. I tried to buck, but he was holding me firmly, and soon he was bringing me up and down quickly. I desperately tried to push down on the fingers in my crease, but his iron grip wouldn't allow me to.

"Em – please ! I – ugh – need you to fuck - me !" I felt my balls tighten and my cock pulse in his mouth.

"GOD ! EM' CUMMING !" I yelled to warn him. He hastily plopped off and jerked my cock off quickly. I came, arching my back and Emmett's cold fingers on my arse omnipresent. I groaned loudly, and I felt the hot cum streaking my chest which heaved as I panted.

As soon as I could, I sat up and forced Emmett to lie down. It was quite obvious we still wouldn't get past blowjobs tonight, so I figured I would return the favour. I helped my imprint out of his shorts, and didn't tease or waste time; I went down on him, working his cock deeper into my throat. I still wasn't able to take more than three quarters of his large cock into my mouth, but I still tried.

I was so tired with the time change and the rather long trip that sucking Emmett off didn't make me hard, making it easier to concentrate on his pleasure. I toyed with his thin pubic hair and palmed his sac, trying to maximise the sensations like he knew to do so well.

As usual, Emmett lasted quite a while longer than me, but ultimately he too arched his back and fisted the sheets as he came, and I swallowed greedily his cold salty cum.

After taking a quick shower together, lathering each other up and succeeding in not horsing around too much, we laid in bed. It was a hot night, but I was holding Emmett's back to my chest and his delightful icy temperature sucked all the excess heat out of me.

I had to admit, the question of sex was on my mind; would my imprint make good on his promise ? And if so, when ? As much as I hated to admit it, my wolf's desire to be claimed was becoming harder to resist with each day that passed.


	38. Because the Context Matters

_**Is this happening to me ?**_

_**Have I lost all my defences ?**_

_**Should I wait around and see**_

_**What it's like to lose my senses ?**_

_**Always looking for the chase**_

_**From the high ground to the ditches**_

_**But the chase I'll never miss**_

_**Now I know what happiness is**_

_**This love's delicious**_

_**Like home-cooked dishes**_

_**I'm tasting mischievously**_

_**Step 1, come a little closer**_

_**Step 2, rest upon my shoulder**_

_**Step 3, I'm calling you baby**_

_**Three steps away from me**_

_**Step 4, we can get married**_

_**Step 5, top it with a cherry**_

_**Step 6, as good as it gets**_

_**Now come along and step with me**_

_**Sun is shining up ahead**_

_**In 30 years we'll still be happy**_

_**Making movies in my head**_

_**Making Hollywood look tiny**_

_**Don't know why but all the words**_

_**Sounds just like a melody**_

- Mika, "_Step With Me"_

**Warning : Graphic gay sex.**

* * *

**Chapter XXXVIII : BECAUSE THE CONTEXT MATTERS**

* * *

I woke up on my stomach, a hand draped on Emmett's cold skin, to crickets chirping loudly outside. The windows were wide open, bathing the room in strong sunshine and gentle breezes. The white sheets of the bed were shining almost as brightly as Emmett himself.

As a kid this is more or less how I imagined paradise, the bright sun, the shining white and the utter happiness –well, minus the man by my side and our state of clothing. I sat up slightly and turned to Emmett, whose eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful, enjoying the sun probably.

For a brief moment I wondered if we could stay here, live here. Even though I had drifted away from the pack, I still wanted to see dad, maybe Seth, or Rosalie... I wondered if Emmett would miss his family, after all he'd spent five months away from them. Then again, if I had been in his shoes, I probably wouldn't have wanted to face my family after a second person 'leaving me' in the space of a few months... I'd want to be alone to digest everything that had happened.

I smiled tenderly, in fact Emmett did nothing really unexpected, if I had had thought about all this earlier, I would probably have realized he took (one of )the only choice he had. I had often wondered why he didn't stay and demand an explanation. but if he thought I was in love with Paul who loved me too, I realized he only wanted me to be 'happy'; and I would have done the same thing. Maybe we were more alike than one would have thought ...

I reached for his cheek, and was surprised to see it was quite warm, heated up by the sun. So that's why he likes the sun, it really does warm him up ! I think he said a few times that he loved how I warmed him up.

I chuckled to myself thinking how I had questioned the spirits' choice to make me imprint on Emmett, but now all the pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together. I loved his cold, he loved my warmth. I loved his cooking, he loved to cook. I only ever wanted to have someone that cared, and he only ever wanted to have someone to care for.

As I lay on my side, watching him lovingly, Emmett opened his eyes lazily, smiled and asked, "What are you laughing about ?"

My smile deepened, "When I first imprinted I never understood why I imprinted on you. It's starting to make more sense."

His eyebrows rose a fraction "And why is that ?"

I made my way to him and crawled over him, saying "No one could resist such an attractive vampire. Even without the imprint I would've fallen in love with such a perfect person. The imprint just nudged us together and you did the rest." I pecked his lips.

Emmett smiled fondly "You are much too hot for your own good." He flipped us over and laid on me; he was heavy but I loved it. His chin rested on my chest as he looked up at me "Do you know what day it is today ?"

I frowned, what kind of question was that ?! "Hum ... Tuesday ?"

His lip twitched in amusement and he hummed. When he didn't explain I asked, "Why ?"

He shrugged with one shoulder, dismissing it, "Nothing important. Want some breakfast ?" If he had tried changing the subject using something other than food or sex, I probably would have prodded deeper, but as it was I really felt like eating a good breakfast. I nodded and we got up, both of us slipping on a pair of loose shorts before making our way to the living room.

The whole house was open, and the same light breeze was blowing. I spotted several butterflies on a gorgeous mimosa outside. Emmett slipped out of the kitchen and reappeared with three plump oranges which he used to make fresh juice. I also noticed the oven was on and discovered he had baked croissants. I felt spoilt rotten, but seeing him smile as I helped him set the table told me he was thoroughly enjoying this, being able to show off and please me; so I didn't feel badly about letting him take care of me like this.

He had a glow about him, one I hadn't seen in much too long, and I knew then he was over the moon. He was bouncing around in the kitchen, humming happily, and I my heart was filled. I felt my eyes get wet and I quickly wiped them – I was making Emmett happy.

Breaking my trance, his strong arms encircled me "Are you alright Jake ?" He was more attentive than I gave him credit for; and again I was reminded how much he cared, how much love he had to offer, and how lucky I was.

I chuckled wetly "Yes, I just realized we are both happy and after the last months it makes me cry easily."

Pressed against me, I felt the low rumble when he spoke "If you remember what day it is, you'll realize it was about time we were happy !" I forgot all about my tears when he brought that up again. I turned to question him but he put a finger on my lips "I'll tell you tonight if you don't realize." I rolled my eyes. Fine, keep your secret !

We served my breakfast – something I felt like I would never get used to, and hoped I would never get used to either – and I ate while we chatted about the plans for the day.

I had never tasted croissants before but I was instantly hooked. They melted in my mouth when I ate them, and when Emmett suggested I put jam on them, I said they were much too good for that. My sneaky imprint stole one of the six he made and stuffed it full with jam before I could protest. When I had eaten the five plain ones, I pouted and decided that I simply couldn't let one go uneaten, so I devoured it, and swore to myself to follow each and every single one of Emmett's culinary suggestions from that point onwards.

We decided to spend the day at home, enjoying being together. We could go gallivanting another day, for now we both preferred to enjoy each other's exclusive company where we didn't have to hide anything or be careful about Emmett's sparkling. I made a good case for myself and he let me put the dishes in the dishwasher – it felt like a small victory in itself !

We changed into swimming shorts and I ran childishly to the pool, jumping in and making half the water splash out. I'd never actually been in a swimming pool and it was a singularly pleasant experience. Like the sea without the sand that sets between and pokes into every crevice ... and hole. Emmett soon joined me, but he elected to dive stylishly, and I quickly jumped onto him when he surfaced, making him sink for showing off !

I don't know how long we spent in that pool, but it must have been an impressive number of hours. We played every single game he and I could think of, a one on one marco polo – which is much funnier when played with your boyfriend who pulls your trunks down – a diving contest, a speed contest, a short water polo and many other such water games.

The whole day blurred together into a succession of laughs and childish games. I don't remember why, but at some point we were naked running around trying to catch each other on the grounds, I know I phased at some point and wrestled with a naked Emmett. I also remember uprooting a tree with my wolf, before shifting back to apologize and being pinned down to the ground and being spanked playfully by Emmett claiming I was a 'bad wolf'.

More than a few times we got hard, but Emmett didn't quite seem in the mood for any horsing around, so each time we continued playing with our hard cocks as though it was totally normal. And anyway, I was having much too much fun to be obsessed by sex. We spent the day mostly naked or in shorts – which led to some awkwardness when Alec showed up at some point and I was giggling like a madman while being tickled by Emmett. I remember we rolled on the ground roaring with laughter seeing his face when he caught us naked and fooling around. Good thing we were under a large tree which projected a huge shadow when that happened !

When it started getting dark and I got hungry, we took a warm shower together, before jumping into comfy clothes. Emmett prepared dinner while I dozed off in the evening sun. As soon as it was ready and before Emmett could stop me I jumped up to set the table. We decided to sit together outside in the warm evening air. He'd prepared some kind of salad with watermelon, semolina and pine nuts fried with honey, topped with French dressing. I ate in silence while Emmett checked his computer for emails or urgent matters, both of us enjoying the peace and each other's silent company. He also called Rosalie to let her know everything was going well, with instructions to also inform Carlisle. He then suggested I call my dad which I did as soon as I was done eating.

I filled dad in enthusiastically on everything that had happened, and he chuckled at the other end of the line every time I remembered something and said "Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! And we did –" Emmett cleared the table while I talked, and disappeared when I started taking a long while, or maybe to give me some privacy. Dad told me Leah was happy to have a relatively easy job with flexible hours and a good pay, and he said she was doing a brilliant job – and he asked me to thank Emmett for him, which I did as soon as I hung up.

I went back inside to find my imprint polishing the kitchen, which would be shining if he continued cleaning. I'd never taken him for someone that obsessed about cleaning, but then again, I think he was in love with his kitchen, so maybe that was the reason ... It's like when I had been using a motorbike, it was my baby and it was always shining.

He looked up, and grinned mischievously, asking "Do you know what day it is ?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled "No, I still don't ... You gonna tell me ?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and blurred to my side, taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom. He'd decorated it with candles, but the best was probably the dark pink evening sun (which was )visible at the horizon through the closed windows. The sheets had been changed for dark red.

My heart thrummed with excitement and I could but hope this would go where I wanted it to. Emmett took both of my hands in his, and led me to the bed, where we sat down facing each other. His trademark dimpled grin had been replaced with a serious expression.

"One year ago exactly, you imprinted." My eyes widened in utter surprise. He remembered the exact day ?! Suddenly he looked unsure, which wasn't frequent, he added, "I want to make love to you, Jake, here in a place I hope you like, exactly one year after your wolf chose me, and despite everything that happened." His smile tightly before finishing with "I hoped you would agree to give me your virginity here, and that it'd be good enough. It would mean more to me than I can say."

In short, I had no idea what to say. This was all almost too much, and again I felt like my chest would pop with elation. I shook my head "I – I don't know what to say, Em'." I showed my palms in powerlessness "I can't believe you remembered and did all this... I'm just not ... used to people ... you know ... caring so much."

Emmett's smile vanished "If you don't want to Jake, I'll-"

"No, no, no" I cut if him "I want to. I _really_ want to." I clarified, feeling butterflies in my stomach while it was doing flips. Emmett grinned and slowly inched his head towards mine, before cupping my head to kiss me. I immediately let him take control, trusting him completely. We melted against each other, both fumbling desperately to try and strip the other while we kissed.

I pulled away from the kiss despite Emmett holding my head and slipped his shirt over his head, before letting him do the same to me. He bent forward to kiss (on) my neck, before looking up while he started sucking on the spot, marking me with a love mark. My whole body was thrumming with energy and excitement, I threw my head back as his cold tongue licked my collarbone, before peppering my pectorals with kisses.

My hands found purchase on the belt he was wearing – when did he put THAT on ? My hands fumbled blindly to get that bloody thing _off _him ! When he bent forward to kiss my nipple, I made some kind of semi-moan and semi-groan, it felt great but the belt got further away. I wanted to get him naked dammit !

Emmett chuckled when I still wasn't able to get his belt off. He nibbled at my nipple and I let his belt go, overwhelmed by the feelings he was procuring. My cock was straining in my pants and coherent thoughts were slowly taking the back door. One of his hands palmed my cock through my shorts and I let out a growl. I tried to grope at his sculpted chest but he grabbed the one hand I was probing with and brought it to his mouth, sucking on my fingers. I slipped them out of him and cupped his head to bring him into a searing kiss. Emmett broke off with a fierce grin and my cock twitched at this animalistic side.

"Fuck Jake you're so hot." Emmett growled, before declaring "Too many clothes !" We both lowered our heads to jump out of our constraining pants and shorts. Soon both cocks jutted free happily and we were rubbing them against each other with our hands while kissing savagely.

I leaned back, needing to take a deep breath, and Emmett whispered "Will you lie down on your stomach for me ?" I eagerly complied.

I felt something trickled down on my arse and I craned my neck, to see Emmett pour some kind of oil there, before he started rubbing it insistently on to my arse cheeks, his cool hands feeling extremely perfect on me. I closed my eyes and moaned out "God yeah ...". Emmett massaged my arse with his palms, making rounds and travelling up the small of my back before going down to my thighs.

I parted my legs a bit to give him more space and to make sure he knew I was more than willing, at this point it was _desperation_. My gorgeous talented imprint started using his thumbs on my arse, stretching my muscles and opening my arse up slowly, sensuously. I moaned again and slowly rubbed myself against the soft sheets once.

"Fuck Jake you're gorgeous, you have no idea ... I love you so much !" I choked up a sob at how idyllic the moment was. My cock was leaking precum all over the bed already, but I resisted the temptation to rub myself stupid, electing to lie there, still, and enjoy Emmett's strong, expert hands. His thumbs were spreading my cheeks apart more and more, and soon he was pouring oil down my crack. I shivered as the lips of my hole were rendered slick, and my imprint feathered his index over my hole, giving me goosebumps.

His hands grabbed each of my arse cheeks and squeezed gently, before spreading them again with one hand. The thumb of the other hand pressed on my spine at the level of the small of my back, before excruciatingly slowly making its way down my opened crease. He pressed down firmly all the way, making slow movements up and down while moving towards my hole. I curled up my toes and squared my jaw, trying not to beg too submissively.

The hand that was spreading my cheeks moved down to massage my upper calves while the thumb was still inching towards my hole. My whole body felt like it was on fire. Only Emmett's cold hands could take the heat away. A hand moved down between my parted legs and pressed quickly on my sweet spot, between my hole and my balls. My cock twitched and pulsated while I groaned, but I managed to keep still.

His thumb _finally_ reached my hole and started pressing down on it. I tried to relax my arse muscles, hoping it would penetrate easier, but I only managed in clenching reflexively. In desperation, I pushed back against his thumb which wasn't applying nearly enough pressure. I whined when Emmett pressed down on the small of my back to prevent me from spearing myself on his icy thumb.

"FUCK ! Em' ! Just do it ! I'm dying around here !" I snapped, my eyes flying open. I craned my neck again to take a look at Emmett who was looking down at my arse with a look of extreme concentration. He didn't acknowledge me further than humming absent-mindedly. I groaned again in annoyance. Next time I would throw him on the bed, and straddle him, sitting on his cock without letting him call the shots !

All thoughts about a next time puffed into smoke when I felt his thumb suddenly be sucked up by my hole to the first knuckle. I nearly fainted at the feelings. I had fingered myself once or twice but this was totally different ! His icy finger quenched the fire in me, and being _Emmett _that was quite literally _in_ there made it a hundred billion times better.

The thumb pushed in slowly but firmly. My whole body went limp as I just laid there, revelling in the feeling. "Are you alright Jake ?"

"Fuck don't stop !" I growled not too loudly at him, and he chuckled. His finger slipped out, but his index pressed in before I could react. My whole body shuddered when it penetrated in one swift move all the way to the second knuckle. I could _feel_ his icy finger in me, caressing me from the inside, twisting and probing. I let my jaw go slack and my mouth opened halfway, why had I never begged Emmett to do this before ?!

His finger pressed in all the way and started twisting inside again. My cock had gone limp, but I was enjoying this all the same. His second cold hand was still pressing down on my cheeks, occasionally spreading the oil to my calves. At some point, Emmett hooked his finger and pressed into a spot in me that made me see stars.

"FUUUUCK !" I bellowed, arching my back. My cock shot up immediately, going from limp to rock hard in under a second and I grabbed the sheets tightly.

"What ? What ? Did I hurt you ?" Emmett asked, worriedly. He started pulling his fingers out.

"No, no, don't stop ! Please touch me there again !" I tried to relax, but Emmett was pressing his finger into me again and it felt too good to relax this time. He hooked his fingers again, but didn't hit my spot. He cursed under his breath and I felt him search for my mark inside.

"Tell me when I get it, Jake, I have no idea where it is ..." He continued to screw his finger in me, hooking it at irregular and random intervals. At first I didn't feel anything than the very pleasurable cold of his finger invading me, but after a while he touched it again and I erupted in curses just as I arched my back for the second time. Emmett started rubbing his finger on the spot and I started fisting the sheets, my cock suddenly very needy of attention.

I raised my head and lowered it hard against the cushion, my eyes rolling in their sockets from the overwhelming pleasure this was bringing me. I felt something wet under me and understood my cock had started leaking. I whined and Emmett took his finger out. I immediately sat up "Fuck Em' I need you _now _!"

"Jake, I need to stretch you first or it's gonna hurt like hell !" My heart hammering, I laid back on my back, grudgingly and silently agreeing to Emmett's complaint. He was thick and long down there, maybe later we could speed the process but for my first time I had to take it slow. I spread my legs wide, but it wasn't enough for my imprint who hooked his hands under my knees and brought my legs up, opening me up completely to him.

"I'm gonna go for two fingers, it might hurt, ok ?" I nodded hastily, closing my eyes. I took hold of my knees, mainly to avoid touching myself. I didn't want to cum. Well, I desperately wanted to, but I wanted him _in_ me when that happened ! I felt his two slick fingers circle my vulnerable hole, but mercifully he didn't tease, and quickly his two fingers were pressing into me. I shifted in discomfort on the bed, a movement that didn't escape to Emmett.

"Is it too much ?" He asked.

"No, go on, I want more !" I exclaimed at once, and I was rewarded by his fingers pressing further down. When he reached the first knuckle he stopped for a second, but the feeling was so good that I pushed back as much as I could considering my position, and he got the message, sinking them in deeper. It burned slightly but his icy fingers really made up for it. I let my head fall on the cushion with a long moan. "Fucking hell, Em', you have no idea how good this feels !"

His fingers were deep into me and this time it didn't take him long to localize the spot in me, except this time he was rubbing both his fingers on it. I started shifting, desperate for attention on my cock, but also desperate to leave my cock alone. Emmett, thankfully, wasn't touching it and I was grateful. It meant more to me than I could say that this went well and that I didn't make a fool of myself, cumming in ten seconds like the first time he touched my hard cock.

A third finger circled my hole while the two previous ones were scissoring inside me, occasionally bumping onto my prostate, making room for the third finger and his long, hard icy cock. The third finger was more painful than the second one, but I was so aroused it went in while I moaned anyway.

"Jake you have no idea how hot this is. I'm gonna cum in five seconds !" He drawled out in a low voice, turning me on even more. His second hand cupped my arse cheeks, raising my butt a bit more, making my hole even more accessible. My cock was leaking continuously now, precum dripped onto my 6-pack and trailing down towards my nipples. Emmett started fucking me with his fingers and my balls were jutting happily every time his fingers penetrated me. My hands were still hooked under my knees, sweaty and desperate to shoot down to my cock.

His three fingers pressed on my prostate and I cursed loudly, before releasing my knees and lowering my legs "Will you make love to me, Em' ?" I asked shakily, dreading the anticipated moment but desperate for it to happen all the same.

"Yes, Jake, I will." We locked eyes for a moment. Then there was an awkward moment, how did we _do_ this, how did we _start_ this ? I had to admit I'd looked at some gay porn since imprinting on Emmett, but I still had no idea how I wanted to do this, nor how Emmett wanted to do this, if he even knew himself.

After an uncomfortable but short minute, my Imprint asked shyly, "Do you ... Do you want to ride me ? That way you're in control and I won't hurt you..." I nodded immediately. This would save me from begging him to stop, this was perfect. Emmett was perfect.

He laid down on the bed, settled comfortably, before spreading his arms to the sides, showing I was in complete control. I straddled his thighs and grabbed his cock. He handed me the oil he'd used so far and I trickled a huge amount on his cock – not like there could be too much lubricant. I pumped his cock once or twice and Emmett threw his head back, his eyes filled with lust, but keeping completely silent.

I kneed forward so I was sitting on his cock. I raised myself. My heart was hammering for dear life and my hands were shaking. I had dreamt and fantasized about this moment for months ! Deep down I had wanted this since the day I imprinted on him. I grabbed his cock blindly from behind and held it upright. Blindly again, I started lowering myself towards it, closing my eyes tightly shut. This would hurt like hell, I felt sure of it. There was a millisecond when his large cold cockhead touched my hole where I felt like jumping off him and running away to hide, but that soon disappeared as soon as I remembered how good his finger had felt brushing against my prostate.

"I love you Jake, whatever happens I love you." He whispered. I smiled, Emmett almost always knew better than me what I needed. I sat down on his cock. The blunt head started pressing on my hole, and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I applied a little more pressure, but it still wouldn't slip in. My whole body was shaking with the need to simply spear myself onto it, and my hands were shaking with dread. I felt my imprint take the hand that wasn't holding his cock grab mine. He threaded my fingers in his. My heartbeat slowed a little. His other hand came to caress my thigh. I loved him so much ...

I sat down lower and the head slipped in. I howled in pain, and my eyes felt wet. God. Fuck, I couldn't cry. I didn't want Em' to see me like this ! Fucking hell it hurt like a bitch ! I gritted my teeth and lowered myself onto his cock, feeling my arse open up and my insides burn as his monster cock spread me. I started panting. It hurt too much !

I sat down lower yet and I bit my lip muffling another howl. I felt my lip split and blood trickle down on Emmett. I was hyperventilating ! My head started to spin, my heart was hammering again.

I couldn't do this; I raised myself until his cock slipped out and I slumped down beside him, feeling defeated, terrible and worthless. Emmett started stroking my hair while whispered my name, but I snapped "Leave me alone !" I jumped out of bed and ran into the en-suite bathroom, the door to which I slammed closed, before taking refuge in the hot bath and turning on the shower on to searing hot water.

I heard a shy knock on the door and I snapped again "Go away !" I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even let my imprint fuck me properly ! He was doing all this for me, he only ever tried to make me happy, and I – and I – I fucked it all up. Again and again. I smashed my fist into the tiles, feeling my skin scrape to blood, but the pain blissfully washing my guilt away. He done everything in his power to make me happy, he'd bought me stuff, he'd brought me here. I couldn't buy him anything fancy. I couldn't bring him anywhere fancy. I couldn't cook him anything fancy or bring him out to eat. All I could do was give him this, but even that I couldn't.

I stayed under the water for what felt like an eternity. My anger died down, and simple self-loathing remained. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. Tears trickled down my cheeks. I didn't deserve him.

"Jake, you know I love you, right ?"

I turned to him, and didn't see disgust, didn't see pity, didn't see sadness or irritation. He smiled down at me caringly, lovingly. I swallowed. How did I get so lucky ? I swallowed again nervously. I looked up to meet his gaze, but he didn't say anything, simply leaving his hand on my shoulder. I bit my cheek before asking in a shaky voice "Do – Do you still – want me ?" I lowered my eyes, burned by shame.

"Jake, I'll always want you. Come here, gorgeous." He slid his hands under my arms and lifted me up like a baby. I was defenceless against his unlimited love and affection. He dried my whole body affectionately, slowly, adoringly, and I didn't have the courage to meet his eyes, keeping them downcast. I hated that I was making him do this.

He led me to bed, before carrying me onto it, and I let him control me, my puppet master (Kudos Ant' !) "Jake, we don't need to do this."

"Em' ..." I shook my head, feeling the need to make him understand "I – I need this. My wolf is asking for it. It needs to be ... _claimed_." I still refused to meet his gaze. I had never admitted to this, and I didn't know if I had done well to do so. He grabbed my chin and forced me to meet his eyes, but I added before he could say anything "It's not just that ! This, us, it feels so ... _right_ ! I want to give this to you, I want to give myself to you. I want to give you my virginity, it's the only thing I _can_ give you !"

"You don't have to give me anything but your love, Jake. I'm honoured beyond words you want this. We'll try again if you want, as many times as you want, if that's what you choose. I don't think any less of you, I know I'm bigger than the average, I know you're a complete virgin, Jake. I don't care, I love you, that's all that really counts !"

I chuckled wetly despite myself "Let's hope we only need one more time." I swallowed before adding very seriously "I love you Em', you've been so good to me ..."

He smiled, and went to cover us with the thin satin sheets, obviously thinking I wanted to sleep. I stopped him "I want to try again now, Em'. Please ..." Despite his words, I was afraid he wouldn't want me like that any more, that he wouldn't be in the mood again before a long time.

"Of course, Jake. Just tell me what you want."

What did I want ? "Will you let me try to ride you again ? I promise I won't give up this time !"

"Jake, I don't want to hurt you." Emmett said, looking conflicted.

"You won't, I promise." My imprint looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. It probably would hurt as we both knew it; he still went to sit with his back to the headboard. I frowned until I understood he wanted me to ride his lap. It probably was better; we'd be much more intimate.

I climbed onto his lap eagerly. He had gone limp but was quickly hardening again. My own cock had shot up as soon as Emmett had offered to do anything I wanted. His cock was still slick with oil, and my own arse was still lubricated. I grabbed his cock eagerly and held it up. This time I would sit down until it was deep within and fuck the rest. I wanted this more than anything else !

I closed my eyes, but Emmett whispered "Look at me, Jake." I opened my eyes and let my gaze dive into his eyes. They were swirling with emotions and wisdom, exactly like when I had imprinted on him. I was entranced while I lowered myself. He took my cock in hand and stroked very slowly. His other hand caressed my inner thigh. His face inched forward to kiss me. He kissed me. His cockhead popped into my arse. It hurt like hell but his tongue was in me, his hand was on my cock and stroking my thigh. I relaxed. Emmett was here.

I lowered myself, but this time I was so relaxed he slid right in without too much effort.

He was deep into me. I was sitting on his legs. He was as deep as it would get. He smiled at me warmly and I returned his smile. Slowly I was getting used to his size, and the pain numbed in my arse.

Emmett took a deep calming breath before he said in a strained voice "As much as I don't want you hurt, if you don't move soon I don't know what I'll do." I almost chuckled, before realizing his cock was in my arse and I had finally everything I wanted. To test, I slid up on his cock, and now that all wasn't obliterated by pain, I gasped. This was better than anything I had ever imagined !

Emmett groaned and I quickly snapped back to him. I sat back down. I slid up quicker, further up. I sat back down. Each time I moved down I moaned. This felt so ... right, I felt so complete !

I picked up the pace, quickly rising up before slamming back down. Emmett's hand was still on my cock, teasing it absent-mindedly. His eyes were closed and he was fisting the sheets, groaning on occasion. He looked so damn hot ! I reached for one of his nipples, with which I played gently.

That seemed to make Emmett lose his icy control; his hands flew to grab my waist, and he started manoeuvring me up and down his cock quickly.

"Oh God yeah Emmett !" I howled when he started making me fuck myself on him quicker and quicker. My hand plunged down to jerk my cock. I closed my eyes and threw my head back. Emmett's cold chest came in contact with me. He started nipping on my throat, raking his razor-sharp fangs on it, kissing and sucking, leaving marks.

"Jake – FUCK – I need to fuck you harder !"

"Do – it !" I said, in a trance, cut by my Imprint slamming me back down on his huge cock which was straining my insides in a delicious way. He pushed me back, making me lie down, before lifting my legs and pressing them against my chest; all of this with his cock deeply in me. He slid out and rammed in.

"WOOOO !" I howled when his cock hit my prostate dead on. I tried bucking but he was holding me in place. My cock had never been harder. He slid out and rammed in again. I cursed again. He started fucking me at a frenzied rhythm, hitting my spot every single time his delicious icy cock speared me. His hand came to stroke my cock. I was delirious with pleasure.

"Fuck Jake you're so tight and hot !" he said, stopping a second to talk, making me whine. He picked up at a crazy pace, and I let out a long wolf-like howl when he fucked me so fast it felt like his cock was brushing on my prostate without interruption.

"Please – Em' – Need – Cum – so bad ! Please !" I begged when his hand continued to toy with my cock.

"So hot – begging ... Cum for me – Jake !" He stammered, cut by his thrusts into me. He slowed down but started ploughing deeper, making me see stars.

"Fucking CUMMING !" I roared just as his hand sped on my hard leaking cock. He milked the orgasm right out of me, jerking me until my balls were empty of semen and I was hissing from the sensitivity. He continued to assault my prostate until he groaned loudly, cumming deep within me.

We were one.


	39. Trouble in Paradise

_**"Madness is like gravity. All it takes, is a little **_**push."**

- _The Dark Knight_, the Joker

A/N : (*) In theory olives are already collected at the time this happens.

**Warning : Graphic Gay Sex.**

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**Chapter XXXIX : TROUBLE IN PARADISE  
**

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I remember someone once talked about 'the after-glow of sex'. Well, that applied to me then; even though I had fallen asleep and slept all night, the following morning I still felt on this little cloud, like nothing could tear me down, feeling ... Well, happy.

Emmett, after kissing me good morning, announced he was going to make some breakfast. He jumped out of bed, and I eyed him hungrily when his boxer-clad body marched out of the bedroom. I stretched lazily in bed, before letting my head rest heavily onto the pillow. I was certain I'd been sporting a stupid grin ever since I woke up ! I snuggled into the thin sheet and looked out the window. Light blue sky and bright sun, no surprise there, another perfect day awaited !

I made my way to the side of the bed – having been comfortably snuggling at the very centre – and leapt out. I yelped when I felt my arse radiate with pain "Fuck" I cursed. I was supposed to have healing powers god dammit ! I had secretly hoped being able to do what we did every night ... Or more. By the looks – scratch that, by the feel of it, I would have to wait. What a pain in the arse !

Very funny, Jake ...

I winced when I took a cautious step towards the wardrobe. I clenched my jaw, more irritated than anything, and jumped into a pair of cut-offs. I limped out of the bedroom and gaped.

Emmett was standing in the kitchen in his boxers like I had expected but he was ... soaked ! His whites boxers had gone transparent ! He'd probably jumped into the pool ... The idea of having to wait before getting a repeat performance suddenly seemed like a very bad idea. Very, very bad idea. I mean, it didn't hurt that much, and I was sure the best remedy would be sticking something icy up there. Isn't that what people do when they get hurt anyway ?! Doctor's orders; if your arse hurts, ram something cold in, and you'll feel much better. Who was I to argue ?

Emmett grinned when he saw me leaving the bedroom, or maybe when he saw I was limping ...

"No comments, Em'."

My imprint chuckled "Limp over to the table, I made you scrambled eggs." I grumbled under my breath but obeyed, docilely. It didn't take long for Emmett to bring in a mountain of eggs and some bacon on the side. He sat down opposite me and I ate hungrily in silence.

When my plate was licked clean, he noted "I thought you could heal faster ... ?" He looked unsure whether the situation was sad or funny.

I rolled my eyes "Well, either I don't heal so well there, or there was a _lot_ to heal." I said, lightening the atmosphere up; I really did not want him to feel guilty or have second thoughts after all.

"No regrets then ?" Emmett asked hopefully.

My heart soared at his tone. I grinned, before saying "Well, there is one ..." I trailed off, letting him squirm, before admitting "That we didn't do this sooner." His face was priceless !

He pouted "I thought you valued your first time and you'd want to do it somewhere special."

I pretended to think for a second while I picked at my plate "I can't remember ever being happier than last night, Em'. It means more than I can express that you care so much."

His grin returned "Well, you make me happy too." He bent over the table to kiss me before adding mischievously "And the fact I've never cum so hard makes it even better." I chuckled, probably beetroot red, and picked my plate up.

I quickly put everything away and washed everything that needed washing, while Emmett showered.

"Let's go exploring !" He said enthusiastically, clothed from head to toe.

I grinned and agreed at once but on the condition I could jump in the shower and refresh myself first. Ten minutes later I was clean as a whistle, dressed with a T, a pair of cut-offs and a pair of low worn-out grey Converse. We walked out of the villa, hand in hand, sappy but happy.

Emmett started by showing me the country-side surrounding the house. Everywhere we went flowers had bloomed and were perfuming the roads with their delicate scents. The now usual crickets were chirping noisily as the sun shone high up in the sky bathing the fields of lavender and the orchards of grapes with strong rays of light and heat. Olive trees of another age were peppered around the landscape, standing proudly with their branches hanging low, heavy with olives(*).

I tasted one of the green olives, before spitting it out "Those taste like shit !" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.

Emmett roared with laughter at that "Of course you dork ! Those are used to make olive oil, you can't eat them !" I opened round eyes, surprised; I had heard of the famous Mediterranean olive oil but never thought those olives grew on trees that stood near roads or anything ... When I tasted the grapes, though, I realized at once they weren't grown to make grape oil or whatever. They were definitely made to be eaten ! Sweet, splitting in my mouth and releasing their nectar.

My imprint watched me, nostalgically, as I tasted the sweet fruit. He smiled sadly when I tried to explain how the grapes tasted, but it wasn't much of a victory. No doubt to get his mind off bitter memories, Emmett went on to explain how they used those same grapes to make the best wine, and I listened, fascinated. He knew so much ... I hoped some day I would be like him, a gold mine of knowledge.

We walked around all morning and most of the afternoon. When the light started fading a bit, probably around 5-ish, we arrived at a cute little town called Valbonne. Emmett bought some food there, saying there were a couple of local dishes he wanted me to try. He asked if I was thirsty, and when I nodded he led me to the central plaza, where there were a couple of cafes. We sat down at one, and soon a sweet blond female server arrived to take our order.

"What you want ?" She asked in a broken English. She was watching me intensely and I frowned – had I forgotten to comb my hair or something ?

Emmett ordered in French and seemed to shoo her away. I chuckled "What's with her ?"

He frowned "She doesn't get you're mine." My mouth opened in an 'O' as I got what he was saying. She was interested in me ? That definitely changed from back home ! I smiled smugly at the thought, ignoring Emmett's deepening frown.

She came back with a cute little smile and put my drink before me brushing my naked bicep as she did so and winking as she turned around. I smirked before turning to see my Imprint scowl "No need to play along, Jake."

I rolled my eyes "Oh come on, don't be so uptight, she's just flirting !"

Emmett's eyebrows shot up "You don't seem bothered at all."

I chuckled "I'm not ! It's fun ! I've never had anyone look at me twice back home except for that creep."

Emmett huffed before sinking into an annoyed silence. I refrained from rolling my eyes again. Come on ! It's not because we finally ... did the deed ... that he needed to act all possessive ! Besides, I couldn't have eyes for anyone else even if I wanted to, so really no need to feel threatened.

When I was done drinking, my imprint paid and we walked home, him striding stiffly, obviously still sulking. I let him sulk in silence while I took in the landscape; it was all so picturesque ! I strolled along, humming lowly. This place truly was beautiful... I wish we could live here. Emmett would probably move here if I asked, but I still wanted to be near friends and family.

Still though, thinking about this made me realize that Emmett was probably ready to do anything just to keep me happy. I started feeling guilty again. I sighed and chased after him – he was power walking and I had fallen back somewhat. I nudged his shoulder with mine "Hey, Em', you know I don't care about anyone but you, right ?"

He grumbled something under his breath and I had to prevent myself from rolling my eyes. I have to admit, I was a bit annoyed, we were having such a perfect time ! I grabbed his elbow and stopped him, before turning him around to face me. "What ?" He asked, sounding exasperated.

"Are you seriously angry because I let her flirt ?" I didn't mean to have such a biting tone, but Emmett wasn't making it any easier.

Emmett stared hard at me for a minute before letting out a long sigh "Jake, I told you, I'm possessive. I've really tried to change it, but ..." He shook his head.

My turn to sigh "I know, but it's not like I flirted back or anything !"

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'll do my best to avoid that from happening again, I promise." I smiled and we kissed lightly, sealing the deal. I took his hand in mine and we walked back, silent but together once more.

* * *

When we got home, Emmett prepared some simple pasta carbonara – which tasted divine – and as soon as I had cleaned everything out, my imprint spun me around and planted his lips on mine. We limped to the bedroom together, groping and kissing as we went.

Once there, I jumped onto my imprint, hooking my legs around his waist and latching my arms around his neck. I slid my head to his throat which I started to nip and kiss. He threw his head back and let out a throaty moan, while he carried me to the bathroom.

I slid his shirt away with my nose to be able to lick his collarbone. I loved the taste of his skin ! I slid my tongue all the way to his Adam's apple, before kissing it. I pressed another kiss under his chin, the lack of hair making his skin completely smooth. I nipped at the chin itself and aggressively collected his lips with mine. His mouth parted and the cold moist tongue darted out; I deepened the kiss to let him in.

He stepped into the bathtub and rammed me against the wall sending shivers all the way to my cock which twitched and grew desperately hard. Emmett, his tongue deep in my mouth, pushed my head until it was resting against the cold tile. His hands fumbled for a while, and I startled when the shower turned itself on seemingly by itself drenching us in cool water. Both our shirts started clinging to us, and when I broke the kiss to breathe, Emmett deftly peeled his off.

I did the same while taking in his wet, white muscular frame. I bent down to take one of his delectable nipples in my mouth and sucked on it, making my imprint curse. My cock demanding attention, I started rubbing myself against Emmett to relieve the pressure.

He took a strong grip of my side and spun us around. The shower was in the corner of the bathroom, as a triangle, but the corner itself was made so you could sit on it while in the shower. Emmett sat down in that corner and I straddled his thighs, still latched on his nipple.

He threw his head back and with a crack he broke the tiles, but neither of us cared. I felt his hard cock through our clothes and I rubbed my arse on it, relishing the moan I pulled out of him.

Suddenly there were too many clothes involved. I slid to my knees in front of Emmett, and under the cascading water I undid his pants as quickly as possible. He lifted his arse and I slid them off, salivating when I saw his pale cock jut happily out of his the wet underwear.

I took his sac in hand and gently rubbed my thumb on each of his balls, while taking hold of the root of his cock and aiming it towards my descending mouth. Looking up at Emmett's rolling eyes, I quickly engulfed half his member and closed my searing hot lips around it. My tongue darted to tickle his cockhead and I started sucking.

I lifted my head up, before bobbing it up and down on his cock. At some point, he grabbed my hair, fisting his hand in it, and manoeuvred me up and down on his member, cursing as he went. I palmed myself through my cut-offs, desperate for some friction, but refusing to let go of my popsicle.

He pushed my head down on his cock and I gagged; immediately his hand left my hair and I lifted my head, spluttering. Emmett whispered an apology, before getting to his knees too, facing me. He lifted me by my armpits and propped me where he had been sitting. It was my turn to throw my head back against the broken tiles when his cold mouth attacked one of my nipples, tugging on it while he rolled the other one between two fingers. I let out a long moan, and I felt one of his hands cup my erection through the cargo shorts. I tried bucking up in his hand but he had me pinned down. I groaned in irritation "Em', come on !"

He slipped my shorts down while I arched myself to help him, but left my underwear on. They quickly grew transparent as they were soaked by the cascading water. My hard dick was perfectly visible through them, and it was a wonder my cockhead wasn't pointing out. Emmett spread my legs so he could kneel comfortably in front of me, and with a mischievous look up to me, he started rubbing his thumb over my length lightly. I curled my toes and simply pressed my head against the tiles, closing my eyes.

I felt him lower the waistband and he fucking started toying with my pubes ! My hands were probably growing white considering how hard I was clenching the bathtub. Emmett feathered a hand over my inner thighs, and I let out a frustrated sigh. Just get on with it !

After taking my balls and toying with them for a little while, he _finally_ decided to take my underwear off, and I hissed when the wet fabric brushed against my sensitive cockhead. Thankfully he didn't tease any longer, he grabbed the root of my cock and quickly engulfed it, succeeding in taking it all in somehow. It's only later I recalled vampires weren't bothered with a gag reflex...

I cursed when my cock hit the back of his throat, the icy interior always procuring the same singular feeling of bliss. He started bobbing his head up and down, but he didn't suck me off for long – to which I was both thankful for and irritated about. He stood up and leaned forward to kiss me tenderly.

I could see in his eyes that he was letting me choose where we were going from there. It was an easy choice. I turned around and bent over the little area where I had been sitting down, making sure to spread my legs wide open. My throbbing cock was resting on the cold tiles.

Emmett started stroking one of my butt cheeks and I dropped my head, letting the feelings take over. He handled me like I was the most precious jewel in the world; he continued to stroke my arse for a while, then he slowly opened my arse up with his prodding fingers.

My balls were turning blue so I spread my legs a bit more to try and make Emmett get a move on. I had the pleasure of feeling his fingers dive between my cheeks and a thumb was quickly rubbing around my hole. I moaned and pushed back, needing him to _get on with it for Fuck's sake_ ! If he thought I would wait as long as the first time he was dreaming ... Thankfully I felt the thumb slip into me easily, and all my muscles went lax as I relaxed to enjoy the blissful feeling.

"You want me to fuck you, Jake ?" Emmett teased as his thumb pressed in all the way.

"God yes !" I drawled, and the finger slipped out to make space for two others. My mouth twitched as I felt myself stretch open for my Imprint who quickly pressed them all the way in. He waited a few seconds, not moving, until I pushed back on his fingers, and he started moving them out, and in again. He hooked them inside me and I knew he was looking for my prostate. He didn't find it right away but I have to admit it took less time than the previous night.

"FUCK !" I cursed when he brushed against the spot, and I heard him groan appreciatively at my outburst. He started applying pressure on my prostate inside me, and unconsciously I started rubbing my cock on the cold tiles to relieve some of the edge. A strong hand gripped one of my butt cheeks to prevent me from moving and I curled my toes. I balled my fists and clamped my jaw shut to avoid saying anything too slutty.

I flexed my abs in an effort to forget how much my cock itched. "Em', just fuck me !" I finally burst out when he continued to finger fuck me leisurely. He released my butt cheek, before slapping it and grabbing my waist, making sure I still couldn't move around.

"So hot" I heard him mutter, and I had to strain not to jerk myself stupid at his sexy voice and the feeling of his fingers inside me.

"Em' _please_ fuck me !" I begged when he didn't seem in a haste to do anything else than continue finger fucking me, occasionally slapping my arse gently. His fingers slipped out and I could only hope the empty feeling would soon disappear.

I didn't have to wait before his cockhead presented itself at my hole. Both his hands gripped my waist, and he started applying pressure to my hole. For a short moment nothing happened, but suddenly the largest part of his cold cock was sucked into my arse, and I winced at the stinging feeling. It wasn't as bad as the first night, but it still hurt like a bitch.

"Okay, Jake ?"

I hung my head "Just give me a sec', you're big ..." One of his hands stroked the small of my back soothingly. After a few seconds the pain numbed a bit and I muttered an unconvinced "ok."

He didn't waste time. The rest of his cock threaded itself through my hole, stretching me from the inside. The lubricant he had used made it easier, but I still held my breath while he pushed in, grimacing in pain. God I hated this part !

Soon he was seated in me, and again he stopped. I wiggled my toes in discomfort. I waited what felt like an eternity, before I grunted "Fuck me." His cock slipped out a little, before he slowly pushed back in. He continued with his slow shallow thrusts and I started pushing back viciously.

The whole cock disappeared, leaving only the large head in, before quickly pushing back in. "Yeaaaah" I breathed out when pleasure started taking the pain over. Emmett started fucking me quicker with relatively deep thrusts until I moaned and exclaimed "Come on ! Fuck me like you mean it !"

My imprint obliged. He retreated and rammed back in, his thighs slapping deliciously against mine. The second time he rammed in I had to hold the walls with my hands to avoid being batted against the tiles like a doll. I arched my back a bit, and a hand gripped my hair gently, before pulling, giving a very nice curve to my spine. Emmett thrust in deep, and I saw stars as the new position allowed him to strike my prostate full on. I cursed loudly and he groaned happily.

After that his vampire speed took over and it felt as though his cock was constantly pressing down on my prostate. Both my hands were still holding the walls, and my arms were shaking with the effort it took so I cursed again "Fuck Em' you have to jerk me !"

He muttered "so hot" again. One of his hands was still pulling my hair back gently, baring my neck. My eyes were closed as I focused on the feelings of his cock deep within me. His other hand snaked down under my belly and reached my straining cock. He jerked me slowly, stopping from time to time, drawing out the pleasure. I begged him to jerk me off each time his hand left my cock, but he would still stop after a few pumps.

I felt I was on the brink. Each time he jerked me I would inch closer. He started moaning and cursing too as he fucked me ruthlessly. Finally his cold fingers grabbed my cock tightly and started jerking me slowly but firmly.

I yelled a long "FUUUUCK YES !" As my cock pulsated and I came all over the shower. Emmett continued to pound into me and I clamped my arse around his cock. His fingers milked every singly drop of cum I had in me until I hissed at my sensitive cockhead's complaints.

Emmett grunted and with a last powerful thrust into me that sent me reeling against the wall despite my arms, he came deep into me.

We stayed a moment without moving, enjoying the post orgasm bliss, before Emmett slipped out of me and I hissed at the feeling. He helped me sit down on my sore arse and started lathering me up with soap, slowly cleaning me. My cock was so spent I didn't get anywhere hard when he gently cleaned my groin. It felt incredibly good, though, to feel his strong hands on me, soaping and rinsing. When he was done with me he cleaned himself summarily. I stood up on shaky legs and stepped out of the bath when we were both ready. I managed to dry myself awkwardly, before lumbering to bed and slumping down on it with a contented sigh.

Emmett came to lie beside me, and after a peaceful silence he chuckled and declared "Damn, that was hot !"

I chuckled tiredly and agreed "We definitely have to do that again." After that I don't remember anything, so I probably had fallen asleep.

_I was in my wolf form, scratching my belly against the rough soil, wistfully wishing Emmett was here to scratch it. I let out a low wolf chuckle as I remembered how Emmett loved to scratch my wolf. We could spend hours together, me on my back with my legs up, and my Imprint lying on my belly in the comfortable, soft hair, stroking and scratching distractedly._

_Where was Emmett anyway ?!_

_I frowned when a white wolf stepped out of the forest. In theory I should have been poised to attack seeing as I didn't know him, but for some reason my stomach filled with butterflies as the wolf – or pup should I say – yipped happily when he sighted me._

_He cocked his head, before asking "Have you ever heard of the legend of the white wolf ?"_

_I nodded lazily "Yeah, it's said the white wolf will be born around the turn of the millennium and will rid us of our enemies."_

_The pup grinned wolfishly "Remember that, dad." _

* * *

A/N: My schedule is horrifyingly busy, but I will do my best to have next chapter to you by Sunday.


	40. Cry of Anguish

_**"Why do nice people choose wrong people to date ?  
**_

_**- We choose the love we think we deserve.**_

_**- Can we make them see they're worth more ?**_

_**- We can try ..."**_

_- The Perks of Being a Wallflower_

* * *

**Chapter XL : CRY OF ANGUISH  
**

* * *

My phone displayed cheerfully:

_4:26 – 1__st__ December 2013_

I was lying in bed, feeling it sway as a ship would on the sea. My drunken state slowed my brain and dulled my senses. Still, the numbing effect of the poison wasn't enough to make me forget or to even so much as help me deal with the pain.

I huffed, two months ago I was in France with my Imprint, and now I was drunk on my bed at the heart of the rez', with only my eyes to cry and my heart to hurt. How did I get here ?

I could remember the days spent lazing with him. I could remember the steamy nights we'd spent clutching at each other frantically while trying to get as much contact and friction as possible. I could remember the visits, to his birthplace in particular. Alec drove us there, and _he_ let us in. He told me that he'd bought the house and left it untouched, a memorial to his parents.

My head dropped to the side. I could remember how I had been able to make him take me to his uncle's old house. I could remember how he'd broken down in my arms, I could remember how he'd cried every single tear his body could produce. I could remember how happy he'd been afterwards for having been able to face his fears, how grateful he'd been that I had gotten him over that. Then there had been an awkward day, when neither of us had known what to say. In the end we'd spent the night letting our bodies speak for us, and after that it had felt like we'd never been closer.

After a few weeks we decided to go home. Everything hadn't been perfect, of course. After the first argument about the waitress, there were a couple of others, but we always made up quickly after.

I swallowed thickly. Or maybe we never really did ... I let my mind linger on the recollections, until I finally found a troubled sleep.

_December had crept upon us, and so had the first heavy snow falls. I looked around for the white wolf. I thought he must be almost invisible with all the snow._

_After a minute, a dark feeling filled my chest. I always talked to the snow-white wolf. Where was he ?_

_I liked the wolf. His words were gibberish, but I liked the white puppy._

_I wanted my puppy._

_I started running around silent on my paws in the deadly silence of the white forest. The barren woodlands were depressing without my puppy. The trees were looking down on me, frowning, disapproving._

_Wind rustled the cold dead branches, and I heard the forest murmur "It'sssss youuuuuur faaaaaauult. Fixxxxxxx the prooooobleeeeem. Ssssssaaaave youuuuuuur maaaaaate or looooossssse youuuuur chiiiiiiild."_

I woke up, drenched in cold sweat. I had been having this kind of dream every few days. Never before had they been frightening, and never before had the white wolf disappeared. The dreams were still as weird, sometimes the wolf would call me dad, sometimes it'd be Emmett, and sometimes it'd be both of us, whatever he meant by that. It's not like anyone could have two dads ...

These dreams made no sense, yet they somehow seemed important. Every morning when I'd woke up from one of them, Emmett would ask me why I smiled in my sleep. Each time I shrugged, saying I probably dreamt of him, because I wanted those dreams private. Partly because I didn't want my Imprint to think I was going crazy, and partly because I felt it wasn't any of his business !

For some reason though, this dream made me feel even worse, if that was possible. I slumped down on my damp bed, eyes closed, all my thoughts on Emmett, and on how to fix what I'd done.

My last thought before sleep found me again, was the ironical fact that I would have no trouble faking tears and sobs to convince the hotel we wouldn't need the booking I made.

* * *

**[Flashback]**

30th of November.

Tomorrow was the day I would have to help Emmett, the first time he would really need me.

Since this morning he'd had been closed off, and I knew what troubled him. I couldn't even fathom how his or the memories had to be pressing down on him. It was a wonder any of those vampires survived under the weight of the years. Any single little mistake, you had to bear for the following decades, and God only knew what Emmett had to live with. I began to understand what Bella had meant when she said that Edward hated himself and what he was.

I had it all planned out. We would start by going to the graveyard, stopping by the flower shop where I had ordered a few crowns and black roses. We would probably spend a while there. It had taken a while to decide what we'd do next; finally, I booked a hotel room with what was left of my savings, I hoped Emmett would want some alone time with me.

Of late, we had been snapping at each other more and more often, something that troubled me more than I cared to admit. Why did we do that ?! It seemed like nothing could be better, yet it also seemed like my relationship with Emmett was slipping from my grasp like sand.

We were both living at the Cullen's mansion. I would go visit my dad every other day, at first Emmett would come with me, but now he didn't feel like it anymore. It was like there was something that was tearing a gap between us, but I had no idea what. I felt like there was something not being said, grievances turning sour, but again I didn't have a clue !

I would spend hours at a time ploughing through my memories to search for something, anything, that would explain what was happening. And to make matters worse I wasn't hiding anything, I wasn't angry at Emmett for any reason, so the only explanation I could come up with was that my Imprint was angry with _me_ for some reason; or at least that there was something troubling him that he didn't want to talk about.

I had tried prying the information from him a few times, but each time I tried, we'd end up arguing, Emmett claiming I was searching for problems where there were none.

Each time we argued, Emmett would disappear with Rosalie, going to hunt he would say. I caught her gazing at me disapprovingly a couple of times, but I had no idea why. I tried to ask her once, but the only answer I got was that she was disappointed Emmett and I argued so much. There was probably more to it, but she was too loyal to Emmett to tell me without his consent, or at least so I figured.

There was one thing that kept coming up, though. Emmett took it increasingly badly every time he thought I let someone flirt with me or whatever. It had happened a few more times while we were in France, and I had just let it glide. I didn't want to tell people off, because honestly I kind of enjoyed the attention ... And if Emmett couldn't deal with that, then I couldn't help him. He should know I was bound to him in the most binding of ways.

We had discussed the issue a couple of times, true to my promise to talk everything out, but that too ended inevitably in an argument; both of us thinking we were right. He accused me of ruining the trip to France a few times, which really annoyed me because I literally did nothing; I let him take us wherever he wanted. Granted, that also meant I did nothing those times when women were a bit flirty or that one time in a gay club when a guy grabbed my arse, but like I said, he'd just have to deal with that.

Anyway, we hadn't had that problem since coming back to Forks, where everyone was their usual boring selves, and everyone was drooling all over Emmett – although I have to admit he always made a point to show he was taken. So I figured his possessiveness couldn't be what was coming between us, since we hadn't had any issues about that of late !

Then there was the pack I had to deal with. Sam kept us phasing regularly so we wouldn't lose the habit or however he put it, but there had been that one time when I let slip how much getting fucked by Emmett turned me on. Well, let's just say that although it had been almost two months ago, none of the guys let me forget it. They looooooved to tease me about the fact that I couldn't get enough of it, that I loved getting fucked by a vampire, bla, bla, bla.

I have to admit, it was getting on my nerves big time ! I'd mentioned it to Emmett, who had shrugged and said there was nothing he could do about it.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. Emmett had changed, and not for the better. Small things, like he never cooked any more, he'd taken to leaving the bedroom as soon as I was in bed (he said it was because he got bored of waiting for me to wake up, and I had found no argument to counter him). Again, I had no idea why he had changed like that, and asking had done absolutely no good. Sometimes I wondered if he still loved me ...

A few things I knew, though. First, I still loved Emmett, more and more with each passing day. Next, I still maintained a bit of my pride, which had me wince each time the pack joked about me or when Emmett demanded that I cry for his pardon. And lastly but most importantly, I needed to fix us before he left me, because I wasn't sure how I would carry on if that happened.

For all those reasons, I tried to make the first of December a special day, clinging to some foolish hope that we'd be able to fix everything, something that seemed more and more hopeless with each day that went by – considering Emmett closed down on me, and became more spiteful with every day that passed.

* * *

I had dragged Emmett to a gay club. It probably wasn't the best idea I ever had, but I wanted to at least try to get his mind off things, the following day would be painful enough for him. As soon as we were inside, the heavy bass was thumping hard, and I could feel my chest thrum. Emmett was looking around, a mixture of sadness and boredom on his face.

He quickly found a table and sat down, sulking. I bristled, unnerved that he wasn't even _trying_, and went to the bar to buy myself a drink.

Two shots later, I was on a little cloud. Not drunk, but past tipsy. I turned to see Emmett looking at me with a mixture of melancholy and fear, like he knew exactly what was going to happen, like he didn't like it one bit.

I made my way to him through the packed club. I noticed a few guys were looking at him not very discreetly, but Emmett seemed oblivious. His gaze was lost in the darkness of the club. The heat was making me sweat, and when I grabbed one of his hands with mine, mine were all wet, making it difficult to drag him up. It took a bit of coaxing, but he stood up and I led him to the dance floor.

I wasn't too sure what I was doing, considering he obviously was in no mood to dance, I guess I just hoped he'd give up control and enjoy himself for a little while.

Needless to say, that is not what happened.

Once on the dance floor, I turned to him, grabbed his sides and slowly pressed us together. His scowl slowly melted into a lazy smile and my heart jumped at the sight. We jumped together to the fast beat of Basshunter's _I Can Walk on Water_, everyone else around us just as entranced by the loud music.

_I will never be afraid again_

_I will keep on fighting 'till the end_

_I can walk on water, I can fly_

_I will keep on fighting 'till I die !_

By the time the song ended, Emmett was smiling, his eyes half closed and I was incredibly proud of my small success. A song older than my Imprint came on with Blackbox's _Ride on Time_.

We started pumping our hips to the slower beat of the song. Emmett's elbows were on my shoulders, his forearms holding my back. My arms were still on his sides. He closed his eyes, as I knew he did when he wanted to enjoy the sound and the feel, without having to take in all his vampire vision could take in.

The song ended, and we were both panting, only one of us was faking it. Emmett signalled he was going to 'sit down for a bit', and he planted me in the middle of the dance floor without a look back. I bristled, before realizing he was probably expecting me to follow. Just as I was going to join him for a refreshing drink, someone's hand clamped down on my sides and I felt a hot breath to my neck.

A low voice said "Want to have some fun now your boring boyfriend is gone ?"

Emmett was on us in a split second. He growled at the guy behind me just as Avicii's _Good Feeling _was starting. I shrugged the guy off and scowled at my Imprint, the music preventing me from making him understand I wasn't a baby and I could take care of myself !

Emmett grabbed my wrist and made to drag me away, but I snapped my hand back and this time yelled over the music "I CAN DO WHAT I WANT !"

Emmett's face turned blank, almost daring me to cross him. I'm not exactly sure what took me, but I turned to the guy who had tried to get a hold of me and planted my lips on his before turning back to Emmett, who hadn't moved. I smirked at him before starting to feel really sick.

Emmett's face was still a blank mask. The guy behind me tugged at my arm to try and turn me around, but I slapped his wrist away like an annoying mosquito. Emmett simply turned around and power walked towards the exit. I stumbled after him, feeling certain that if I didn't catch him before he left, he'd be gone. And I mean _gone_.

I arrived at the exit, and there was Emmett. His face didn't betray any emotion and he said flatly "I'm taking you home."

If I had opened my mouth at that moment, I would have thrown up, so I simply followed. He was already in the car, ready to drive off by the time I reached the Audi. I had barely closed the door when he sped off. We were halfway to the rez' when my stomach settled enough so I felt like I could open my mouth without vomiting in my Imprint's car.

That's when I realized Emmett had plugged his earplugs into the radio station of the car, and the music was so loud I could hear it where I was sitting. So either I waited for him to talk, or I forced him to.

The choice was easily made, I grabbed one of the earplugs and took it out of his ear. "Em' ?" I asked, unsure of what to say. Actually I wasn't even sure of what had happened, and even less why what happened happened.

Without missing a beat, Emmett plucked the earplug and put it back into his ear, before making a show of increasing the volume that flooded his ears.

I sighed quietly and tried to make myself as small as possible in the car.

The ride felt much too short. Before I knew what was happening, Emmett was in my drive way, used his vampire speed to get out of the car over to my side, open my door and pull me out of the car. He more or less threw me down to the ground, and before I could blink he was back in the car and pulling out.

I made my way to bed.

What I had done was starting to sink in.

I glanced at my phone which displayed cheerfully:

_4:26 – 1__st__ December 2013_


	41. The Art of Listening

_**"It is easier to forgive for being wrong than for being right."**_

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_

* * *

**Chapter XLI : THE ART OF LISTENING**

* * *

_Here lies Arnaud LaCroix,_

_A son, a brother & a patriot._

_1st June 1922 - 6th June1944_

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

_In memory of Emmett LaCroix_

_A son, a brother & a romantic_

_20th February 1920 – December 1944 _

Rosalie and I were at the graveyard. Eternal thanks flooded out of me in waves for her unwavering loyalty. She hadn't asked anything about the stupid wolf boy. I'd asked if she would come with me to the cemetery, and she said she'd be honoured to. A long time ago I had regretted our love, but only recently had I realized we were better matched as friends.

Then again, maybe she didn't ask about the Quileute teen because she had a good idea of where he and I stood. In recent weeks I had been able to talk to her about what ailed me, and instead of offering advice she had offered moral support. Somehow she knew that there was no advice to be given. Either my tanned kid understood or he didn't.

Well, suffice it to say that after the previous night, it'd become painfully obvious he hadn't understood.

I'm not sure why people kept tempting me with their heart before snapping it out of reach. I'm not sure why I kept falling for the same lure. All I was sure about was that I loved my wolf boy, and he'd done the one thing I couldn't forgive or forget, not easily anyway …

He knew about the last two girls, he knew about my downtime in the forest with the bear. And yet he'd chosen to do the same thing as the two girls had ... Why was that ? Had he done it on purpose, knowing it would hurt more than anything else he could do ?

I had a hard time believing that. Maybe I just didn't want to believe he'd intentionally set out to strike that hard. Maybe I hoped there was some exotic story behind it all about a hallucinogen or a knife to his throat that had forced him to do what he did. Or maybe I just had an unwavering certainty that wolf boy wasn't cruel.

Maybe he was simply stupid. To my astonishment, that was the option that seemed the most plausible.

"I'm not sure why I'm stuck in a vicious circle, but I'm not sure I want to try any more." I said cryptically, wondering if Rose would understand.

Her lip twitched, and she thought long and hard before declaring slowly "Maybe he just needs to learn. Maybe the pain he's putting you through is worth it in the end. You're the only one who can decide, but you know, he looks up to you like he would a God, he adores you. Maybe you just need to let his teenage hormones fumble in the dark before you two can live forever happily together." She didn't look at me when she said that, very probably aware of the emotions she would trigger in me.

I considered her words carefully before noting "If he damaged things beyond repair, no amount of patience or waiting would help."

Her answer was equally as cautious "If that was the case, you wouldn't bring it up." A sad smile tugged my lips, Rose definitely knew me too well. After a short silence, she looked up at me and she mirrored my smile before adding "The question is this, does Jake need a kick up his arse or does he need to do some serious thinking ?"

I pondered her words before replying "Probably both."

She chuckled shortly before saying "I would buy a leash for him."

I smiled "Yes, that is tempting. And I feel like being cold hearted right now." I let my mind drift before asking "Do you think he'd agree to wear one if I asked him to ?"

This time she laughed "Probably." She grew serious again before declaring "He deserves nothing less."

I sighed "He's young, Rose. He's too young. I think he's clueless. I don't think he realizes how much it hurts every time he smirks when someone flirts with him. Sometimes I think I should have made him see how it feels, but then I'd hear my mom say _Behave with people the way you wish they behaved with you. Don't do anything you don't want done to you._"

Rose's piercing eyes met mine "She was a smart woman your mom."

I paused before saying softly "Sometimes. To other things she could be pathetically blind." My lip curled in distaste. To this day I was still puzzled at how oblivious my parents were about certain aspects of my life.

Rosalie clenched her jaw before challenging me "If you had a son who came to you and said he'd been raped by Jasper or Edward, what would _you_ do ?"

I deflected the blow "I won't have a son, so it's not relevant. What is is what could be, and that's Jake and me."

Her turn to sigh "If you don't tell him everything you've been telling me in the past weeks, you can't expect the eighteen year old teenager that he is to understand. And if he does, he'll resent you for not telling him."

I bristled "I _have_ ! You know I _have _told him ! He's just too damn STUPID to understand !"

She cocked her head "I'm pretty sure that now is the time to _make_ him understand. Just be careful he doesn't turn into a yes-man to appease you, that wouldn't lead to anything but more tears and pain." And then she added with a smile "Now keep that attitude and maybe he'll see how angry you are. Sometimes people understand quickly but you have to explain a long time."

I rolled my eyes, bitch knew how to play her cards. I bet she had riled me up so I'd say what I said. But she was only partly right. Yelling at Jake wouldn't get us anywhere except leading to more yelling and arguing. I needed a cool head to make him understand that he had but two choices: correct his bearing or make a u-turn. And this time there would be no deviation tolerated.

"So how long are we going to pretend you don't want to run home and wait for your wolf to crawl back to you tail tucked between his legs, to show his belly in submission and to beg for forgiveness ?"

* * *

Rose was right. Annoyingly so.

I was at home. Waiting, but also wondering. What would he do ? What would I do ? I didn't have to wait long, I heard him barge in around noon, before running up to my bedroom. Thank the lord Rose had successfully emptied the house for me ...

I was gazing out the window, a weary expression fixed on my face. Despite my discussion with Rosalie, I wasn't sure how I wanted to play this. I wasn't sure what I wanted ...

No, that wasn't entirely true. I knew what I wanted, I wanted my lover back. But I wasn't sure how this would play out. He could still salvage everything with the right words, the right behaviour. Unfortunately he could also sink the ship with a misdirected blow.

I heard a very faint knock on the door. His heart was hammering in his chest.

"Yes ..." I let out, more annoyed than anything else at having to do this. I was weary. Weary of it all...

He shyly opened the door, and asked hesitantly "Can – can I come in ?"

I sighed, torn between the urge to fling something at him and the impulse of letting him say his piece and distance myself from him, like I had done those past weeks "Sure."

The door closed and his feet shuffled on the carpeting. The whole floor trembled and I wondered what he could be doing back there, but I really didn't want to look at his face and be trapped by his cute hesitant smile. I clasped my hands in my back but remained otherwise immobile.

"Em', I'm sorry." He said simply. My eyebrows rose a fraction. That was something one didn't hear often, Jacob Black apologizing.

"What are you sorry for ?" Anger was rising in me again and I turned to face him, repressing a startled look as I discovered he was kneeling there, looking down at the carpet.

He didn't look up, and I'm quite sure my question was the last one he was expecting. He seemed at a loss for words. I let him consider his words, content to wait. He bit his lip before saying feebly "I'm sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry for disappointing you." He bit his lip again, and a tear trailed down his light brown cheek.

Then he broke down completely, he collapsed forward before rolling into a ball and sobbing desperately. My heart lurched out and since I wasn't completely unfeeling I sat crossed legged by his side. I gently took hold of his armpits and heaved him up awkwardly onto my lap. He curled tighter and clutched to my shirt, before stammering through his hiccups "I don't - know what I - did, but I - know you don't - love me any - more. I hoped - you'd tell me - but we'd - always argue. Then I thought – I could get you to – open up – today, but I – messed up - I was so freaked – I messed it all up."

My lip trembled at his words. I should have guessed as much... For one so old, I had been incredibly blind and foolish; I should have known he would doubt my love. I let out a long breath, and simply stroked his messy hair, trying to calm him down.

It took a long time, but eventually the tears quenched and the sobs quietened. Eventually he asked dejectedly "What did I do wrong ? Why did you start hating me ?"

I did my best to keep the tremor out of my voice when I said "I never hated you. And I never stopped loving you."

He made himself smaller in my lap, an impressive feat for someone so imposing, and stayed silent, obviously not believing a single word I just said. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I had intended to give him a stern talking to, and hoped he'd want to fix things, but this threw all plans I could have had out the window. Again I was bitterly reminded he was but an eighteen year old teenager forced to devote the long years of his immortal life doting on an equally immortal man.

His breathing calmed down, and he could have fallen asleep for all I knew, but he said in a wavering voice "Please don't say I messed everything up. I'll do anything you want, I can't live without you..."

I swallowed. This was what Rose had guarded me against _'Just be careful he doesn't turn into a yes-man to appease you, that wouldn't lead to anything but more tears and pain'_. I considered my options carefully. The waiting was probably torture for him, but I couldn't bring myself to care about that. I _had_ to make the right choice.

Finally, and picking my words carefully, I asked in a low, sad voice "Is that really what you want ? I got the impression you wanted to do anything _you_ wanted, or so you told me last night."

He flinched "I didn't –"

I cut him off "You didn't mean it ? Didn't you though ? I can tell you something right now, Jacob. If we're going to have these fights every six months like it was with Rose, I'm not signing up. It's normal for any couple to have arguments, but I don't think this can be classified as an argument."

We were silent for a while, then he said "I was so scared Em'. For the last few weeks it was like I didn't matter to you any more. I'm so scared you're gonna leave me I can't even think !" He choked up on the last word.

I couldn't keep the bitterness from seeping into my words "You don't even realize how much you've hurt me in the past months. I don't know what's worse, that you hurt me or that you didn't realize it."

He cowered in my lap at my biting retort. I clenched my jaw and all the anger came crashing back. I rolled him not too gently off my lap and stood up again, facing the wilderness outside. I was weary of people trampling all over me. No matter what I did, how much I tried to please them, it always ended the same way.

I heard him swallow nervously "Em', please tell me what I did."

I whipped around and breathed heavily "Remember that first time we argued ? Remember how you smiled when that girl came on to you ? Remember how happy you were afterwards, whistling and grinning like a boy ?" I snarled before adding "Maybe you don't remember what happened after that. I was pissed off, but you acted like it was my own bloody problem !" I snorted "I tried to make it all perfect, I did my best to make you happy, but it's a fucking girl you've never known that makes you giddy like a school boy !"

Jake was watching me with something close to fear "And then to top it all, you made me feel so badly about it that I apologized to you, and you acted like I was the one who needed to apologize. I told myself that it wouldn't happen again. I told myself that you loved me and it didn't matter. But then it happened again and again ! Each time someone flirted you'd be all happy and grinning for the rest of the day ! At first I complained, but each time we argued it ended with me pushing my feelings aside just so we could keep some measure of peace ! After that I kept silent, because you showed what complaining brought me.

If I complained, you made it clear I ruined the mood so I had to apologize. But you never do anything wrong. Oh no, it's only my fault. Remember that time in the club in France ? People kept brushing on you but you didn't give a fucking damn ! I felt like we were having an orgy so many people were trying to grind on you. And when I had dared to complain the next day, you said that you hadn't done anything.

And then there's that moronic pack of yours. Each time you came back from a meeting with them, you'd have all this misplaced anger. Of course it was all my fault, seeing as I was the one who caused the jokes. And I apologized every single time, and you acted like I better apologize or you wouldn't forgive me for FUCKING YOU ! You acted like you hadn't literally BEGGED me to do it, like I forced you to do it and because of that you had to live with their stupid jokes. And at some point I just gave up dealing with your fucking misplaced anger ! And you kept asking those stupid questions '_What's wrong Emmett ? what's wrong Emmett ? Are you angry Emmett ?´ _NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU APPARENTLY !"

His eyes had widened, and he asked, trembling "Why didn't you tell me ?"

I hate to admit it, but at that point I felt like snapping his neck. My chest heaved up and down as I did my best to calm down. Finally I declared acidly "Haven't you listened ? Each time I implied you were doing something wrong, you made me feel guilty for being _born_. How could I tell you ?! Be honest for once, how would you have reacted if you weren't scared out of your wits I might disappear off the face of the earth ?"

A flash of understanding finally lighted his eyes, and he muttered "I'd think you were wrong."

"No shit Sherlock. The only choice I had was leaving you, but that wasn't a choice. The more time passed, the more certain you were about my faults. Maybe I convinced you that I was possessive and that it was all my fault, I don't know. All I know is that I had no clue what to do, if you remember I tried telling you all this once. Maybe you also remember what happened."

He was mortified "I walked out on you."

I sniffed, disgusted at the memory "So you did. Perhaps you understand now, I could either have you walk out on me or endure."

"I – I don't know what to say."

"Maybe that's your problem. Perhaps you don't know." I shrugged "I know you're quite young, I know I'm your first serious relationship, but that doesn't excuse not listening to your partner. You were blinded by pride."

"God" He choked up "I'm so fucking sorry, Em', I-"

"Save it. You talked about having to be open to each other, remember ? Well, maybe you should think about the fact that you can talk all you want to a deaf man, it won't change much."

He swallowed nervously and nodded. His lip trembled a bit when he said "I don't deserve a second chance."

My tone got gentler after that. I sighed and said "I still love you Jake, even after what you did last night. But why did you do it ?! Were you trying to make a point ?! Was it like your unconscious being tired of me ?! You better figure out why you did it, because I want an answer, a good one. And don't think I'll ever so much as think about giving you another chance if it happens again ! Now, you're young, very young, and I tend to forget that. You've had to mature beyond your years, but sometimes you're still the scared 18 year-old teenager."

He looked up hearing my words, with hope in his eyes. I huffed "Now I want you to leave and have a long hard think on everything. Don't come back before you have your head sorted out, because that wouldn't be fair to either of us. If you come back it means you acknowledge the fact that I'm possessive and you will take that into account next time. It means you promise you will listen as well as talk. It means you realize I have forgiven what happened last night, but that I won't forget it so readily. And finally, Rose has gone to talk to your debilitated pack of hyenas to make sure they leave you alone, whatever you decide to do."

His cheeks were wet with tears when he stood up. He whispered "Thank you." He looked so broken I wanted nothing else than go to hug him, but I had to let him go and make his own choices.

"If you don't come back, I'll still drop by frequently to satisfy the Imprint, but there will be clear boundaries between us." He nodded, gravely, before turning to leave. Could time really heal all wounds ?


	42. Coming of Age

"_**Everybody wants a shortcut in life. My guide books is very simple. You wanna lose weight ? Stop eating fatty ! You wanna make money ? Work your ass off lazy ! You wanna be happy ? Find someone you like and never let him go ! Or her if you're into that kind of ... creepy shit."**_

_- Friends with Benefits_

* * *

**Chapter XLII : COMING OF AGE **

* * *

I walked home slowly, enjoying the monotonous occupation while my thoughts whirled.

I was only sure about one thing: there was absolutely nothing I was sure of. The ground had shifted under my feet, and I didn't know where to step, nor could I retrace my steps. I was completely lost, only vaguely anchored by Emmett's words.

He wanted me to sort out my head, and I couldn't agree more, that was definitely a necessity before I could even so much as consider returning to him. Like he said '_Don't come back before you have your head sorted out, because that wouldn't be fair to either of us',_ proof that even after everything I did he cared for me.

I felt numb. Realization was only just dawning on me, and I could hardly believe it. Had I truly been that deaf ? Had I been so sure in my ways that I had blocked out my Imprint ?

**[Flashback]**

"Jake, you're not listening. I'm angry, but only because you let others flirt without blinking !"

I rolled my eyes. Same old same old... "Em', I imprinted on you. What more do you want ?!"

"I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME !" He roared.

I huffed, unphased by his display of anger "I _am_ listening. I hear that you're jealous, but I can't prevent people from flirting as much as you can't prevent girls from whistling when they see you !"

His face blanked "So it's my fault we're fighting, is that what you're saying ?"

"Yes." I said firmly, delighted he had caught on faster than he usually did. Didn't he see we always ended by agreeing this was pointless ? Didn't he see we could love each other again, like we used to do, if he simply stopped complaining ?!

All emotion had left his face as fast as a light bulb went out "Very well. But Jacob, if you don't listen and try to understand what I'm feeling, we're going to live a lie." I rolled my eyes and shook my head, turning away from him. Sometimes, my Imprint was really full of bullshit.

**[End Flashback]**

It took me a while to really understand everything. It took me a while to understand why he hadn't simply left me there and then, why he hadn't given up when I obviously wasn't going to listen.

He _loved _me. But not like I had loved Bella, not even how I had loved him. This wasn't a passing fancy, a teenage heartache. This was a centenary old being falling deeply in love with me.

And just like that, all the pieces started fitting together.

Emmett running to Seattle to kill Victoria.

Emmett leaving to let me be happy with Paul.

Emmett staying with me despite my obvious lack of care for him. That's why he never left. He thought I was happy with him, and he loved me, so he stayed.

God.

I fell to my knees and closed my eyes tightly shut. I swallowed thickly and took a steadying breath.

Salty tears swept from under my eyelids and streamed down my cheeks.

Emmett.

What had I done ?

* * *

I woke up in my bed. I opened my eyes wearily and saw Sam and dad looking at me. Just as my senses came back to me, so did my memories, and a hand reached into my chest to tug at my heart, twisting, squeezing.

I didn't move.

After a beat, Sam asked "What happened ?" Dad was frowning, but I could see he was worried. One of his hands was clutching the armrest of his wheelchair convulsively. I looked at him briefly, and he nodded sharply before leaving us, shutting the door behind himself.

When I didn't answer quickly enough, Sam bristled and said "That blond vampire chick came by to lecture us. What was that all about ?" His jaw was clenched shut. This time it didn't take me long to figure it out. Rosalie had done something to blow Sam's pride apart. I would have laughed in other circumstances. I could only feel Sam had it coming, I didn't feel much besides resentment towards him. The constant banter which had turned quite acidic in time had taken its toll.

I met his gaze and said simply "I don't have anything to say to you." I couldn't keep the bitterness from my words. How had Emmett put it ? Ah, yes, '_debilitated pack of hyenas',_ quite fitting... If they could be called a pack, they were more prone to turn against each other than to turn against a vampire. Leah with her sour feelings towards Sam, everyone's obvious disgust at knowing that the descendant of Ephraim Black was getting fucked by a male vampire, the awkwardness with anything Paul-related. Seth was apparently gay, something his puppy-like mind had betrayed. I was surprised at how disappointed almost everyone felt at that. It was like they felt we were a band of girly un-deserving dogs because two of us were homosexuals. A fine pack we were.

"Well I want answers !" Sam bellowed. I felt my own anger rise in powerful waves. I scowled at him, determined to wait him out.

"What happened ?" Sam finally asked, the Alpha timber in his voice, a slight smirk on his lips at being able to extract the truth from me like that.

I opened my mouth to answer him, but just as I did my wolf snarled. He wasn't made to bow to anyone. I wasn't made to bow to anyone. I met Sam's eyes again, before closing my mouth. This time the smirk was on my lips. He was gaping like a fish out of water, and I decided to ignore him. I swung my legs out of bed and stood up, but just as I was leaving my room his iron grip grabbed my shoulder.

"Get. Off. Me." I was shaking with anger.

He forced me to face him and said "Answer me" with the Alpha tone again.

This time I didn't even have to fight it. My eyes were burning with anger, and of all moments, that's when I knew what I had to do "I am the descendant of Ephraim Black, leader of the Quileute Tribe, and the rightful Alpha of the pack. I will not bow down to you again, Uley. If I want to get my arse fucked raw by a vampire, then that's exactly what I'll do. If I want to curl up in a vampire's lap and beg him to take care of me then that's exactly what I'll do. If I want to crawl to my vampire and beg him to forgive me, then that's exactly what I'll do, and the best part, I'll be proud of it. You can have that pitiful pack of yours, but if you _ever_, _ever_ insult me again, I will challenge you for the right of being Alpha, and you will pay for your mistakes by baring your throat and whining like a mongrel pup !"

There was a flicker of fear in Sam's eyes. I was the dominant wolf and he knew it. If I were to take him on right now, I would have overpowered him easily. With a confidence we both knew he couldn't claim as his, he snarled "I'll let you off because you're Billy's son, but don't ever come near us again." He let my shoulder go and strode out of the house.

With a heavy sigh I sat on my bed. This was the first step towards returning to Emmett. He deserved someone who would stand proudly by his side, someone who wouldn't be scared away, who wouldn't be ashamed of what he was. I was an Alpha wolf who couldn't get enough of getting fucked by my male lover, deep, hard, and rough from time to time.

There.

Said it.

Never again would I blame my Imprint for indulging my urges. I felt shame edge its ugly head into me.

I couldn't believe I had blamed Emmett for the pack's stupid jokes ... I couldn't believe he had stuck with me, continued to fuck me AND withstand my attempts at making him feel guilty. How had he put it ? '_you made me feel guilty for being __born__, yes, that's exactly what I had done, I had tried to make him feel guilty to avoid having to feel guilty about how despicable I was.'_

I swung my legs back in bed and rolled into a ball.

How could I have done this ?!

I broke down again. I sobbed and cried, feeling terrible, feeling ashamed, grieving for what I had put Emmett through. I registered dad rolling in. I balled myself tighter, smaller.

"Jake ..." He whispered, stroking my hair.

I looked at him, tears streaming down, my face ravaged with pain "Dad ..."

"Come here." He pulled me into an awkward embrace. I calmed somewhat, he had never replaced a mother's embrace but I was more happy than I could say to have him there and then.

When I calmed down enough to talk normally, he asked softly "What happened Jake ?"

I poured my heart out to him. I talked for hours. I started with my imprinting on Emmett. I continued with the horror, the rejection, the awkward friendship, the hesitant affection, the trip to London, the confused love, the emptiness when he left for Seattle, the pain when he came back broken, the elation when he woke up, the love we shared, the terror at hearing he was gone again, the hollow weeks spent living a half life, his return, the burning desire for him, the trip to his birthplace, the love, the pain, the mistakes, the arguments, the guilt, my mistakes, Emmett's care, my deafness, Emmett's yells, the fateful night at the club, the talk with Emmett, falling unconscious in the woods, waking up to Sam, arguing with Sam, understanding I needed to be proud, wanting to be proud, being proud, yelling at Sam, leaving his pack, the pain, the guilt, the shame.

I had no notion of time. I talked well into the night. When I was done, dad smiled softly, before bending to pull me into another hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and he whispered "I love you, son. I know it's difficult for you sometimes, I know you make mistakes, but you always right them. I'm proud of you. It will work out, you'll see, you just need to believe it and listen to your heart." I muttered a choked thanks, and we stayed unmoving for a long while. I had forgotten how it felt, to have my heart be lightened of troubles, to have all my problems pour into someone else thanks to a simple hug.

* * *

_I was in the forest again, the trees were coated with snow._

_I padded lightly on the hard icy ground, making myself as silent as the forest was. It wasn't the same eerie silence as the previous time though, it was a peaceful silence. _

_The occasional pale rays of light hit the snow which illuminated and gleamed like a million diamonds. _

_There, in front of me, stood the white wolf with his molten gold eyes. Pride radiated from me when Emmett joined the wolf and toyed with the thick white coating around his ears. _

* * *

I woke up the next morning, feeling a bit lighter, but still my heart was tugging. I missed Emmett badly. I had only just come to realize what he meant to me. The question was, should I go back to him ?

If I thought about it hard enough, what had I brought to his life except pain and suffering ? Did he even want me to come back ? What was it that he said ? '_If you don't come back, I'll still drop by frequently to satisfy the Imprint, but there will be clear boundaries between us.'_

I thought long and hard. I came to the conclusion that Emmett had seen right through me and had known I would be wondering if I should return to him. After all, that was the whole point of kicking me out so I could do some thinking !

I also realized I loved Emmett too much to let go. A whole new range of feelings flashed through me as I slowly understood everything, and as people say, with understanding comes love.

I slowly fell deeper in love with Emmett, to the point where I hoped selfishly that for once I would love him more than he loved me, to contrast with all those times where he had loved me and I had taken him for granted. I only started to understand how much he must have loved me. Worse, I only started to understand how much I must have hurt him, not only the night in the club, but all those times I had been deaf to his pleas.

It was almost ridiculous how many things I was understanding, I thought to myself. His possessiveness didn't come from past injuries, they didn't come from his insecurities. They came from the depth of his love. If he loved me only a tenth as much as I had gotten to love him in the past hour, than I could understand why he wanted me for himself. The simple idea that I could have let anyone brush on me in a club sickened me to my core. What if someone had done that to Emmett and he had just swept it away as unimportant ?! And how could I have said there was nothing to be done when I could have batted the hand away unconsciously like Emmett had done so many times ?!

My last thought before I made my way to the mansion was: 'I understand you, Emmett, I hear you, and I _love _you.'

In retrospect, I shouldn't have thought it would be easy. I shouldn't have though I'd only explain calmly everything to Emmett, that he would understand and that we'd live together happily ever after.

The mansion was empty again. Only one day had gone by since my last confrontation with Emmett. I felt like a new person though, as though I was a teenager that suddenly stepped into an adult's shoes. Difficult to explain, but if I had learnt one thing, it was that I couldn't be too confident or proud. As much as I felt more of a man than what I had been, I knew that there was much to learn, many mistakes to be made; I could only hope I would be allowed to stand by Emmett's side when that happened.

When had I gone from thinking myself as the luckiest guy on earth for being with Emmett to this selfish, proud, overconfident arse anyway ?! And more importantly, how to ensure that it didn't happen again ? Those were questions I'd have to dissect with Emmett, I doubted I could get a satisfying answer on my own.

I paused once I reached the stairs. I had hoped to see my Imprint come down to greet me ... Not that I deserved any kindness at the moment. I clamped my jaw shut and painstakingly went up the stairs. My heart was hammering desperately as each step drew me closer to his bedroom. I _needed_ him, I needed him _badly_. I had to fix this. I had to explain everything and hope he would understand, understand and forgive.

I reached his bedroom, and this time the door was wide open. Just as the previous day, Emmett was standing facing the wilderness outside, hands clasped behind his back. I had to wonder if this was solely for the theatricality of it, or if he had stayed like that all day ... Or even all night, or even since I left him.

My hands were moist with sweat, and my head was spinning just as fast as my heart was beating. I started wringing my hands together. I knew he knew I was here but he pretended otherwise. He wanted me to make the first move. Suddenly all rough plans I might have had flew out the back door. I was so fucking nervous again, but I couldn't break down like the first time. I needed to stay calm. Deep breaths Jake, deep-

"So, you've come back." He said flatly. I didn't know if he was hiding disappointment or hope, or even if he simply didn't care. This was going to be harder than I thought, he'd led me to believe he wanted me to come back. Or had he ? He'd comforted me, but that could simply have been Emmett's soft large heart acting ...

"Yes" I squeaked, somehow feeling like a mouse cornered by a cat, though Emmett wasn't even looking at me. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed silent and hoped for better. Eventually he did turn around, and when his weary gaze landed on me, I felt like a deer trapped in headlights.

He cocked his head to the side as if I was something mildly curious before pursing his lips and saying "Well, that's that." And he turned back around, clasping his hand again.

Those three words felt like a punch to my wind-pipe. I gasped for air as I was reeling from his words. I fell to my knees again, understanding the slow poison I had fed our relationship these past months were infinitely more damaging than a stupid kiss in a nightclub after too many drinks.

Cold dread crept up my legs as I realized bitterly that I hadn't been able to destroy the love he had for me, but I had damaged everything else. In a dead voice I asked "It's too late, isn't it ?"

One of Emmett's shoulders twitched, before he sighed. The answer took a long time to come "I don't know. I don't even know if I care any more. I love you, but it'd take time to build back the rest. Your choice."

His words both hurt and gave me hope. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to re-build, but also that he had stopped caring altogether. On the other side he seemed relatively willing to let me try. I had to try.

In a shaky voice, I asked "Will you let me try to re-build ?"

He faced me then, and the ghost of a smile tainted his features when he said "Of course. Come here, gorgeous, I want a hug." I sprang to my feet into his awaiting arms and nestled my head into his neck, breathing in deeply.

I couldn't prevent a tear or two from falling on his shoulders "I love you Em'."

"I love you too, Jake, but don't expect much for a while." I nodded, thinking I was lucky to have what I had, and realizing we would be foolish to plaster the wound without letting it heal.


	43. Unexpected Visitors

_**"My doctor says we don't chose where we come from but we chose where we go from there."**_

_- The Perks of Being a Wallflower_

**Warning: Mentions of gay sex.**

* * *

**Chapter XLIII : UNEXPECTED VISITORS  
**

* * *

I woke up slowly that morning of Christmas Eve in Emmett's bed. Well, Emmett said I should consider anything that is his mine, so I guess it was our bed ... With a very heavy sigh, I noticed I was alone in bed, it seems my Imprint hadn't seen fit to stay with me all night. Then again, I understood why he didn't, even if it didn't mean I had to like it.

A little corner of my mind still was a bit disappointed he hadn't been there when I'd woken up on the 24th of December. I'd almost moved into the Cullen mansion right now, with dad's benediction. I still saw my dad every other day, and I planned on visiting him later that day, but I spent almost all my time with Em' again.

Things were a bit better than they had been. That day when I came back to him I had started mending things; we'd talked late into the night, and even if it had been on inconsequential subjects, I was still elated. I had fallen asleep in his arms and even woken up in his arms for the first time in a while. I think that was his way of saying he was willing to give me another chance, to repair things ...

Then of course, maybe not; he'd spent the following day with Rosalie while I wallowed in self-pity and guilt. I remember having wondered if it was really worth it, before being terrorized by the thought that Emmett had without doubt wondered about the same bloody thing a few times in the past weeks. After that I hadn't had a sliver of doubt left in me, particularly because I realized Emmett had come to the conclusion it _was_ worth it.

When he came back later that night, finding me watching the TV distractedly, he'd motioned for me to follow him, which I had like a good little soldier. Once back in his room, my Imprint had explained he'd needed the day to think and talk with his best friend, and I had bitten back the idea that he could have told me before leaving instead of after. More importantly, I was glad he was talking to me again, I judged that to be a great improvement already.

I had kissed him – I must admit for a moment I was afraid he wouldn't let me – saying we both needed time. I'd be rewarded with another one of his ghost smiles; his trademark grin had vanished in my presence a couple of weeks earlier. He had kissed me back, sending my heart in a frenzy.

Sex. Something I think neither of us had really thought about in a while. Sam's pack's nagging had dulled my interest somewhat and Emmett admitted later he was glad I never asked him; so he didn't have to refuse. That night we made love, not our more usual rough, wild sex, but a rarer slow sensuous love making. It was like re-discovering each other all over again. We had drawn it out as much as possible, before we both collapsed, even Emmett having to lie down for a while. That night he kissed me right above my left collarbone and sucked hard, giving me a hickey. For a reason I really don't understand that mark is still there to this day ... I only understood much later its significance.

Three weeks stretched out. There were great days, and not so good days. Sometimes it'd almost felt like we were one again, but at times I'd wake up alone in a cold bed and not see anything of Emmett for the whole day. It took time, but time was something we had a lot of, so I wasn't worried. I let myself live. When my Imprint disappeared I'd usually go visit dad or Seth, who I had always considered my baby brother to cheer him up. It seemed once the pack didn't have me to jest about, they had shifted their focus onto him. Leah defended him with her razor sharp tongue, but that didn't stop the jokes from being spoken.

Losing the pack was weird yet wonderful. It made me realize how miserable I had been in their midst, but I also felt like I lost a part of myself. My mending relationship with Emmett more than made up for it though.

Change came, slowly, but it came nonetheless. I spent about ten days living with Emmett's deserved resentment, and one day he came to me asking if I wanted to go hunting with him. My heart had leapt a few times and we had had a wonderful time together. Gradually he'd spend more time in bed until I fell asleep instead of slamming the door of his bedroom on his way out. Waking up in his arms wasn't frequent, but all the more reason to cherish every single time it happened.

After about two weeks we had talked everything out. My Imprint had opened up to me, and poured his heart out, turning away to hide his tears now and again. There had been a good deal of crying on my side too as I heard him tell me about all those times when I had hurt him. We discussed everything, and I was over the moon because there hadn't been any argument. I have to admit, I was impressed by how different things were when I _actually listened_ to him. I won't say it was perfect, there had been a few instances when we hadn't agreed, but each time we'd figured out a way to avoid it from happening again and we had agreed to disagree.

It had been a whole week since Emmett had pulled a disappearing act, so another reason to be disappointed was that I felt like it was somewhat of a setback. I was stroking the hickey above my collarbone, more worried than anything. I was still puzzled at the fact it hadn't disappeared, and Emmett had worried I'd be pissed off about it, but I wore it like a wedding ring and didn't mind in the slightest. It was strange how I had been in a dark rage because he was so possessive, and now I was actually very happy about a sign that I was his.

I startled when the door opened and Emmett's curly hair appeared, before he poked his head in. When he saw me awake in the filtered light he smile and came in, revealing a huge breakfast tray. Something he hadn't done in a few weeks either, and my heart melted at that thought. Not a setback, progress, I decided.

Emmett quickly opened the curtains a bit to let the tired sun flood the room, before coming to bed with the tray. He heaved himself onto the bed to lie down beside me and I immediately clambered in his lap, delighted. He sat up so we could cuddle together more comfortably and parted his legs so I could lie on him. He heaved me up by my armpits so he could hook his arms around my stomach.

He gave me a good morning kiss "Hello, pup'."

I remember hating the nickname, but we'd both grown fond of it. I put the tray on my lap as I returned his greeting with interests. I attacked the meal with my usual appetite, and Emmett surprised me by being much more affectionate than usual, a few times he pressed a kiss to my neck, making me stop chewing and closing my eyes to savour the feeling. When I started eating he had taken his arms out of the way, and one of his hands was toying with the hair on the back of my head.

I wished he was shirtless too, but I knew to take happiness where I could. Nonetheless, I was really hoping for a steamy love session that night, since we hadn't touched each other like that in three weeks. Emmett hadn't offered and I hadn't asked; that didn't mean I wasn't interested, but I thought he wanted to do this in his own time, something I respected.

I finished the food – only my newfound respect for my Imprint prevented me from licking my plate clean – and carefully placed the tray beside me before lying back on Emmett who immediately hooked his hands around my belly. My head rested on his shoulder as I enjoyed my full stomach and the proximity with my lover. Even if I had had to tread on egg shells and deal with a lot of anger, I was only starting to realize exactly how much it was worth it.

"Jake ?" He asked. I hummed low and he added "Thank you for waiting and changing for me. I love you, Jake." He pressed a kiss to my naked shoulder.

I opened my eyes slowly, picking my words carefully "I should be the one to thank you for giving me a second chance after how awful I was. And if I didn't change and wait for you, I wouldn't deserve your love. I'd say I'm grateful you made me change for the better, but you had to pay a heavy price." A tear trailed down my cheek when I remember just what I did. I blinked and suddenly that night in the club came back to memory, before leaving in a flash, a trail of guilt in its wake.

His thumb dried the tear and the low rumble of his chest when he spoke made me thrum "I can't say I have forgotten, and I can't say I ever will, but I can say I have forgiven. I should have tried harder to get through your thick skull what was happening."

His words didn't sting, but I wasn't sure whether I should agree or not with his opinion "I should have listened. If anything, it's my duty as imprint."

His arms tightened against me and I nestled myself in his embrace, my heart melting yet again with happiness.

I don't know how long we stayed together like that, but I do know I treasured every single second.

Eventually I turned to press a kiss on Emmett's chin before I got out of bed and went about performing my morning ablutions. I was strangely domestic, walking to the wardrobe to pick out clothes for the day, taking a quick shower, brushing my teeth, picking up stray clothes and litter in the bedroom, all under Emmett's watchful eye. My only thought was; I could definitely get used to this.

Since there wouldn't be a Christmas dinner at the Cullen's; Emmett and I had been invited for lunch at dad's. Sue, Leah and Seth were also invited for a convivial Christmas lunch. Dad knew of my issues with the rest of the pack, so it was the first year we didn't have a large party where all the Elders met to share a meal, stories and gossip. Seth and Leah seemed quite happy to avoid the pack, which saddened me, but I kept my tongue to ensure we spent a lunch void of bitter talks and feelings.

Dad had taken to Emmett when he had seen I had been given a second chance despite it all – well, I never said anything about my Imprint's anger or absence. I think he realized too that there was already quite a lot of history between us and that I was as in love as can be.

Despite the strangeness of the people assembled, we were a merry gathering and spent a lovely few hours laughing, eating lovely meals Sue and Emmett had prepared – when Sue and Emmett discovered they shared a passion for food, they had started sharing recipes – and exchanging gifts. I didn't get anything from Emmett, and it didn't matter, although I still suspected he was keeping it for a private time, just as I was. Emmett had bought a motor for dad's wheelchair, which claimed it could make it run at 10 mph. We all roared with laughter at that, and dad immediately tried it on. That led to some boyish pranks as dad handed a gift to Sue, before snatching it away and speeding out at 10 mph, Sue running after him giggling all the while.

I think I blushed at seeing my dad act like that, but seeing Seth roll on the floor, massaging his ribs so much they hurt from laughing quickly dispelled any awkwardness. Emmett seemed very proud of his idea, and I have to say I was impressed too ... To be honest I had gotten used to dad's manual wheelchair and had never thought it'd be possible to fix a motor to it. Leah was trying to remain dignified at her mother's behaviour, but soon she was giggling too, clearing her throat in an attempt at controlling herself. I had never seen her so ... happy, and it made me love Emmett all the more.

None of the other presents were as fancy, but no one cared. Most were from the heart and I think we much preferred that to a thousand dollar watch. Seth got a rainbow coloured shirt large enough to wear as a wolf saying 'GAY AND PROUD' from Emmett, and a wolf-trap from his sister (the kind that clamps on a paw), which got his eyes very wet. He gave a big hug to both of them, and I think we all wanted to use that trap on some moron of the pack.

Dad had gotten Emmett a book called 'Building your own house' and I got a big fat comfy rug, the kind to put in front of a hearth, saying 'HOME SWEET HOME'. Suddenly I wasn't the only one to have very shiny eyes as I hugged my dad. I shared a look with Emmett and I know we thought of the same thing; time to try again.

At some point dad asked for a private minute with me, and announced he wished Sue and her family to move in with him. Apparently Leah had been spending most days and nights there already as dad's home helper, paid by Emmett. He also said that although Sue would never replace my mom, they were both lonely – at which point I said I didn't want any details. I was stunned at first, I have to admit, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Then I heard Seth roar with laughter and I grinned; I realized I was a bit jealous. Nonetheless, I was happy dad would have someone and that Seth might be less bothered considering he would be living with the tribal chief. I told him so and we hugged, happy for each other. I learnt dad had already talked with Sue, Seth and Leah, who had all agreed, but he had insisted on asking me before they did anything.

Dad also told me he'd demanded to see the other Elders and had given them a very stern talking to about homophobia and the new divisions in the already dwindling Tribe. He also said it had done little good as Seth was still bothered, even if now at least it wasn't as bad as when I had left the pack.

Emmett and I eventually left, wishing them a merry Christmas. On the way back I told him about dad's plans, and his first reaction was to ask how I felt about it.

I sighed "It feels weird. I still consider it home, but I won't have a room there or anything... I'm really happy for them, but it still feels as though I'm kicked out somehow."

Keeping his eyes on the road, he snaked an arm around my shoulders and said "Well, we'll just have to build our own home."

I nodded meekly. I wanted this, I really did, but it felt as though I was leaving home never to come back ... Ridiculous seeing as we would be living quite near, but somehow that didn't make me feel better.

Emmett seemed to sense my distress because as soon as we arrived at the mansion he steered me upstairs to his bedroom and said softly "I'm sure if you ask your dad he can arrange for you to have a bed there. He'll probably have to build out so they're all comfortable there, I'm sure one more bed won't be a problem. Besides, we can visit as often as you want, it's not like we're moving to Europe or Africa ! We haven't even really talked about building anything new yet ..."

I nodded, unconvinced. I wasn't too sure why I was feeling like this all of a sudden. I had been fine at home, but leaving had jumbled up my feelings ... "Will you hold me ?" I asked, looking down at my lap, terrified Emmett might refuse and walk out. Now more than ever I needed him.

He brought me into a hug. What happened with my dad three weeks ago happened with Emmett; all my negative emotions seemed to pour out of me as I relaxed gradually.

* * *

I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep until I woke up. I was lying on my stomach, although half of me was _on_ Emmett. I opened sleepy eyes to find him smiling down at me "Better ?"

I hummed, curling up tighter against him and closed my eyes again. I rested my head on his pectoral and one of his hands came to stroke my hair. We stayed like that for a long while, simply enjoying each other's company.

Sleep and my Imprint's presence had done me good. I could barely understand why I had been so freaked about it all ... Like Emmett said, it wasn't like we would be moving to Europe or anything, and anyway I felt certain there'd always be a bed at home if I needed one. I rolled my eyes, sometimes I got a little overwhelmed by emotions, you could almost think I was a pregnant women seeing how bipolar I was !

I'm not sure how long we stayed in bed, but the winter sun had disappeared before we heard loud noises downstairs, which was strange in itself seeing as the walls were supposed to be sound proofed. Someone must have been screaming their lungs out ! "We should go downstairs, something's up." Emmett said, looking tense.

I was immediately alert, we jumped out of bed, barged out of the bedroom and strode down the stairs. I gaped, Bella and Edward were there. They were supposed to spend Christmas in one of those North European countries !

"Stockholm." Edward provided. I frowned, I'd have to get used to the mind reading thing again ... Bella was shivering and hugging herself, looking uncomfortable. I went to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"God Bella you're freezing !" I exclaimed as the cold seeped through her clothes into mine. Edward shot her an apologetic glance before blurring away with their luggage. Both her and my stomachs grumbled.

Emmett chuckled "I'll make you something hot to eat and drink." And he disappeared into the kitchen.

Bella looked positively drained, bags under her eyes and shaky legs. I steered her to the living room and sat her down into a comfy couch, before taking a heavy quilt to cover her. I couldn't help but notice she was avoiding eye contact and hadn't spoken a word since she got here.

Rosalie materialised in front of us, but I was the only one who startled. I think Bella was getting used to it ... Rosalie roughly pushed me away exclaiming "Leave her alone !"

I frowned and backed off. What the hell was going on ?! And since when were they two bffs anyway ?! I sat on the couch furthest away, wearied by Rosalie's aggressive behaviour. She started to whisper to Bella who nodded or shook her head sleepily. This was really too weird.

Edward appeared in the middle of the living room, and Rosalie placed herself between him and Bella.

Ok. I was starting to worry. I thought Bella worshipped the ground Edward walked on ...

Rosalie placed her hands on her hips, Bella curled tighter, probably cold, Edward crossed his arms looking irritated and I drummed my fingers on the couch's armrest, nervous.

Nobody moved for a while, and I could only huff at how this was turning to be a sour Christmas Eve indeed !

I wasn't too sure what we waited for, but wait we did. Emmet re-appeared with a huge tray piled with two steaming bowls, an enormous loaf of red-looking bread, a steaming pot, two mugs and a glass of something light green. I marvelled at his ability to disarm conflicts; he hummed to himself pretending not to notice the atmosphere which was thicker than cold custard. He set the two bowls on the low table, broke the bread and set one large piece next to each bowl, steam pouring out of them. He set one mug in front of each bowl, poured something tea-looking into each, and placed the cold green drink in front of my bowl in addition.

He looked up, looking very pleased and declared "Vegetable soup with paprika flavoured bread and blistering hot tea ! There's a chocolate cake baking in the oven too."

He retreated to sit down, and hummed to himself, satisfied, while Bella and I plunged forward to the food. A glance at the clock on the mantelpiece told me it was already ten in the evening. No wonder I was hungry ! The soup was orange and thick, but tasted absolutely wonderful. The bread really tasted like paprika and mixed perfectly well with it. The hot food was a blessing in this house which really lacked heating.

I wasn't a fan of tea, but the light green drink turned out to be freshly pressed apple juice which tasted absolutely wonderful. Bella drank her tea, eyes closed, both hands on the mug; she must have been _really _freezing. I couldn't imagine how it must have been for Edward, not being able to warm her up. He immediately shot me a glowering gaze.

Ok, ok, peace.

I drank the soup slowly, savouring it, enjoying the burn in my throat. Emmett shot up from his seat and dashed into the kitchen at some point, only to come back with a steaming chocolate cake. My mouth watered at the sight of it, and I downed my soup to be able to get to dessert quicker. My eyes watered as the hot drink made its way down my gut, and I cooled myself down with a generous gulp of apple juice.

Emmett carved me out a large slice of cake, and my eyes widened when I noticed the interior wasn't completely cooked, leaving it creamy and delicious looking. I wanted to wolf it down, but I took time to enjoy it. Bella looked quite full by the time she had finished her soup, and I think she tried the cake out of politeness more than anything else.

I cut myself a second slice of cake, giving into my urges. Emmett had a playful grin when he saw me wolf down the second piece "Well, someone was hungry !" Even Rosalie's glare softened when she looked down at me. Only later did I discover the creamy interior had left me with a delicate brown moustache.

My stomach content, I cleared out the dishes and strode away to the kitchen, not particularly wanting to stand between Edward and Rosalie's glares. Emmett followed me and we did the dishes quickly. Again it felt strangely domestic, but I couldn't say I didn't like it...

We stayed in the kitchen, speculating on what could have happened. The front door opened around midnight and a weary Carlisle came in, followed by a tense Esme; seeing as the whole family had lived through countless Christmases, the couple decided a decade ago to do volunteer work and let other human families enjoy their relatives. Carlisle volunteered to stay on call at the hospital while Esme spent the evening at an orphan's shelter helping whoever needed assistance.

Jasper and Alice had flown away to New York to spend Christmas there, Jasper wanting to see the world now that he had gotten used to his 'vegetarian' regimen. Emmett and I had been planning on a romantic evening alone on the 25th, but that might not happen any more ... Worst case scenario we could always sequestrate ourselves in his sound proofed room.

I shivered as I remembered what I bought him ... A pair of cop-style handcuffs for some kinkier fooling around if he was into it. Mmh ... I could imagine him dressed up as a cop roughing me up... God that would be so hot ! 'I'm afraid I'm going to have to frisk you, sir.'

I shifted, uncomfortable, as my cock hardened in my pants and shook my head free of the fantasies. I would never have the courage to bring that up …

There was a second present too: from a large piece of wood I had carved an image of my wolf with Emmett standing beside me, a hand on my back. It was about a hand long in height and I had even painted it to make it more life-like... A bit like those plastic figurines on top of wedding cakes, but bigger and much more realistic ! I hope he liked it... for two weeks, every time Emmett disappeared, I had been carving that out.

Loud voices drew our attention back into the living room. When we arrived, Rosalie, Edward, Carlisle, and Esme fell silent and I heard Bella mutter "I'm pregnant with Edward's child."


	44. Sometimes, it's just about pleasure

_**"We are who we protect, I think. What we stand up for."**_

_- Da Vinci Code_

**Warning: Graphic Gay Sex, Light Bondage, Toys, Kinky role-play.**

* * *

**Chapter XLIV: SOMETIMES IT'S JUST ABOUT PLEASURE**

* * *

Emmett and I gaped. She was pregnant ?! Was it even possible for a vampire to knock a human up ?! The whole room was deadly silent for a while, but neither Rose nor Edward seemed surprised. Rosalie was still in front of Bella like a watch dog. Edward was now looking quite ... Ashamed. Poor guy, it must have been a torture to restrain himself so as to not hurt her, he probably couldn't give in to pleasure completely, and on top of it all he'd gotten her pregnant.

I did wonder when they got married though, if at all. It seemed to me Edward would never have gotten into bed with Bella otherwise. And something else bugged me, what was up with them ?! Was Bella angry to have gotten pregnant ? It couldn't be _that_ bad ! There's something called abortion ... Hello-o !

Carlisle voice my thoughts cautiously "Well, Bella, it's not very difficult to get rid of-"

"NO !" Rosalie exclaimed, looking furious "No one is getting rid of anyone !"

Carlisle frowned "Rosalie, this isn't your decision to make."

"It's mine. And I want to keep the baby." Bella said in a little voice.

Edward sighed "Bella, it's too dangerous ! We have no idea how this is going to turn out ! You could _die_ !" This was obviously an argument they had already had ...

"No. I can do this. And Carlisle can change me if-"

"No, uh, uh, Bella, don't even think about it !" I interjected. I wouldn't let anyone be turned !

"Jake, this is none of your business" Was her stingy reply. I backed away immediately, so much for being friends ... Emmett came behind me and took hold of my waist while the others debated.

It was well into the night when Edward and Carlisle gave up trying to make Bella give her foetus up ... It did help that Rosalie hissed and yelled a lot, I guess. Emmett didn't talk once, but I think it was more because he didn't want to get on Rosalie's bad side more than anything else. Edward took Bella to his bedroom, where I knew there now was a bed, and Carlisle turned to talk to his wife.

We returned to the bedroom around two in the morning, and I was exhausted – again – despite my long nap. I quickly stripped and changed for a comfortable pair of PJ shorts, before making my way to the fluffy bed. Emmett didn't join me though, he stood at the entrance, looking torn. I clambered into bed alone, before fixing my gaze on him.

After a tense minute he said "I really want a word with Rose ..." I nodded, glad he had a reason more than anything else. I crept under the heavy quilt, happy he stayed out of bed because he wanted to do something rather than because he didn't want to be with me.

* * *

I woke up to the bleak sun on my face. I immediately felt Emmett's cool arms around me and his chest to my back. "Good morning, gorgeous." He whispered huskily, pressing a kiss to my neck.

"Good morning to you too." I answered, feeling the happiness bubble up in my chest for the first time in a long time. "I love waking up like this you know."

He hummed "When you're not being a dickhead, I love sleeping with you. Makes me feel all warm from the inside-out. You've no idea how that's like after having been cold for decades."

After the past weeks, hearing that was a benediction. I was just about to find something appropriate to say when my stomach grumbled loudly. Emmett chuckled "Your stomach kind of is a bottomless pit, isn't it ?"

"Hey ! I bet you were the same when you could eat !"

"Good point. Put something on and come down, I'm sure Bella will be hungry too, I'll make enough for both of you."

Ten minutes later I was showered and clothed downstairs, letting my nose guide me to the kitchen, where the delicious smell of frying bacon came from. Bella was already there, munching on an apple; girls really did eat much too healthy sometimes ...

Emmett served me the bacon with yesterday's bread – the bread didn't go so well with bacon, but I liked his no waste policy – before opening the oven and taking out the warm cake from the previous day. "Chocolate cake for breakfast ?" Bella asked, looking stunned.

I shrugged "So what ? Chocolate is good any time of the day."

"You don't have to worry about putting on weight" She mumbled, and I privately wondered how she would react about her belly blowing up with the pregnancy if she was worried about getting fat.

Edward arrived "Can I have a word with you, Em' ?" My Imprint, who had been cleaning the kitchen up dutifully, nodded tersely, before wiping the last few spots clean and striding out with his foster brother.

I let Bella babble about her baby and her future plans, apparently oblivious there might not be future plans for her, while I reported all my attention on the chocolate cake – having wolfed the bacon down. At some point, Emmett came back, having trouble concealing a mischievous grin. "What's up ?" I wondered.

"Oh, nothing, Ed' picked up on your thoughts that we had planned a romantic night, so he wanted to apologize and make sure we spent a memorable night."

Emmett was definitely hiding something, but suddenly he engaged Bella in conversation, probably aware of my suspicions. Instead I shrugged, finished my breakfast and took care of the dishes while the future mother squealed in excitement, probably at finally having an audience that listened.

Eventually I cut them off "What d'you want to do today, Em' ?"

"Hum, I need to go to the basement to get something, but apart from that it's your choice. Depends on what you feel like, really, I could light a fire and we could watch a couple of films I downloaded, or if you don't want to cuddle all day we can go out to the Christmas market in Port Angeles. Or if you want to go see your dad we could do that ..."

I hummed, thinking. I felt a bit restless to sit all day, but ... "How about we go to the market this morning and watch films this afternoon ?"

Emmett smiled "Sounds good ! We'd better put on something warmer to avoid suspicion though, I doubt anyone will be in T-shirt." I jogged up the stairs, only to find my Imprint already there and clothed. I pulled out my winter coat, a pair of snow boots and gloves before we were off.

I drove us to PA and we wandered around the stands aimlessly. "What did Rose say yesterday ?"

He sighed but didn't answer immediately. After a while, he said reluctantly "I'm not really supposed to tell you this, so I won't tell you everything, and don't let anyone know you know." He paused while picking his words carefully. "Rosalie ... Well, she doesn't like being a vampire, she'd prefer to have a real family, to have opportunities. We're more or less stuck like this, you know ? She misses not growing old, having children... I think that's why she connects with Bella right now, they both value having a child over anything else, they understand each other. I think she'll protect Bella's child like her own, so let's just say if Bella wants to keep the child, Rose won't let anyone interfere, not even Edward."

I mulled this over for a while "But Rosalie doesn't care if it kills Bella ?"

He winced "Of course she cares ! Let's just say she believes like Bella that it's a question of will, that if Bella really wants to have the baby, she'll survive. Besides, she seems to think that we'll be able to turn Bella if things go badly during the delivery. Thing is, Carlisle and Ed' are worried Bella might not get to the delivery. I didn't get everything Carlisle explained, but basically the baby takes too much energy from his mother, and they're worried her heart will just stop. She's fine now though, so I guess we'll see what happens, but I don't like it ... Carlisle says her pregnancy will take about four months, and he says she'll be fine during the first three, but that it's after things get dangerous. I have no idea how he knows these things, but there you go. I just pity Ed'. Bella doesn't give shit about what he thinks, all he can do is stand by and watch while that _thing_ slowly kills her. I can't imagine being in his place."

It was my turn to wince at the animosity in his voice. It was obvious what he thought about the whole thing. "So why didn't you say so ?"

He shrugged "It's none of my business, really. And I treasure my friendship with Rose." I nodded slowly. Made sense, I guess...

"It's not going to be fun for the next few months. No way I'm facing Charlie either ..."

Emmett hummed gloomily, agreeing with me. We walked in silence for a little while, before he asked almost shyly "I understand if you don't feel up to it, but ... Maybe we could look into building some place to live on our own again ?"

"I would love that. But not the same as the first try. Let's not do it in the mansion's backyard for example."

My imprint grinned and I could see the cogs of his brain working at top speed "We could build something in a nice clearing some place between the mansion and the rez' ? Oh and maybe we could build it in stone, cottage-like ! Oh, I know ! We could do it not too far from a river so we'd have running water ! And I'd arrange electricity !"

His enthusiasm was infectious "Yeah, that sounds perfect ! And we could have those nice heated floors so we wouldn't be freezing my feet in winter ! Oh ! And we could have a real hearth, not like the fake one you have at the mansion !"

"God yes ! And I want an attic to store all the stuff I've collected over the years ... Maybe a shed to keep ourselves busy ?" For some reason though, his smile vanished. He added "But I don't know if it's a good idea ... If we don't have something to do we'll get bored out of our wits ..."

"Actually, I've thought about that. You know, my garage thing worked really well, so if we don't live too far the beaten tracks and near Forks ... People will always have cars and need to have them repaired ! Besides, we'll probably have to move around a bit, right ? And you ... You could do anything you like, really !"

"Mmh ... I'd want to do something which would let me be home near you often. Something that doesn't require me going into the sun, touching people or anything ... I'd have to think about it."

I nodded "Not like we have to hurry or anything."

"No, but I _would_ like to have somewhere we could live a bit more privately." I couldn't have agreed more ...

* * *

We stayed in town until we felt like it was enough walking around for one day, and made our way back to the mansion. We arrived to an empty house, Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be back before the next day, Alice and Jasper wouldn't be back before New Year, Rosalie and Bella had decided to go out for a girl's day, and Edward was probably brooding somewhere, or hunting.

"We did get our empty house in the end !" Emmett boomed once he was sure no one was there.

I grinned, present-opening time; films and cuddling could wait ! I think we had the same idea, because we didn't need to say anything to shoot up to the bedroom. As usual, I arrived to see Emmett already there, sitting on the bed with the tiniest present box in his hand. I dived under the bed and retrieved the two presents.

Cheesy present first I decided. Emmett was quicker though, as soon as I was sitting on the bed in front of him, he handed his to me and said "Merry Christmas, Jacob."

I tore the wrapper up to find a silver key holder in the form of a 'J' around an 'E' with a bunch of three keys. I looked up at him, slightly confused, I felt like I had something priceless in my hands, but I didn't know why !

"One of the keys is to my bedroom, which will have to be our own personal space to start with. The second one is the key to the mansion, it's not often locked, but I thought it could be useful. The third one ... Ok, this might seem a bit weird, but I bought the entrance door to our future house a week ago, hoping you might agree to rebuild, and that's the key to it. It's not much, but it's mainly to say that I forgive you."

I blinked a few times, taking it all in. This was ... More than anything I had dared hope for. "I don't ..." I shook my head, stuttering "I don't know – what to say."

Emmett smiled "A kiss will do." I was too stunned to realize what was happening, until our mouths were together, sealing our reconciliation.

I pulled back, slightly dizzy with the overwhelming emotions, before handing him the larger present. He opened it slowly, and I saw his eyes widen when he discovered the wooden statue. When he didn't say anything, I felt the need to explain "I did this when you were ... out ... these last weeks. Every time I see this, I remember what I did. I don't think either of us should forget, I know I never want to forget what I did. I need to remember always so I never do it again. So this is a 'I'll never forget and I swear never to do it again' present." I finished mirroring his words.

He nodded "This is magnificent... I had no idea you were this skilled !" He looked up at me "Thanks, Jake. And you're right, I don't think forgetting would help either of us."

"Merry Christmas, Em'." I nearly choked up on the last words, but I took a deep steadying breath. Done. Now we can move on.

"I've something else too ..." He put the carving aside very carefully and took my present, a large mischievous grin spreading on his face, as though he knew what was coming. I handed him the present and felt my face heat up as he tore it open eagerly, revealing the brand new handcuffs. God why did I buy this ?! I wanted nothing else than bury my head in the sand somewhere ! Please let the ground swallow me up ! He's going to hate it ...

A knowing smile on his face, he asked "And what would these be for ?"

I groaned. Of course he would tease me about it... Nonetheless, the simple fact of seeing him toying with the cuffs had me harden. "I thought ... You know ... If you – hum, if you want ... We – hum, we could ..."

His grin deepened into a smirk, and I must have been beetroot red. God ! Why did I have to give in to my fantasies and buy those things ?! "Well !" He exclaimed "This will go perfectly with my second present for you."

I gaped. What had he planned ? U-ugh ! I knew I should never have bought those ! "Edward picked up on a certain thought from you, and he felt sorry for ruining our romantic Christmas, so he gave me an idea to make it up to us. Wait here, I'll be back in a sec." He jumped out of bed, placed the carving on the window-sill and strode into the bathroom, locking himself in.

I crawled out of the bed and stood there, feeling horribly stupid. I knew my face was still tomato red so embarrassed I was. Handcuffs ?! Why not a collar and a bullwhip next time ?! Or one of those big, fat pink dild-

The door flew open, revealing Emmett. Except it wasn't Emmett. I couldn't make any sense of what I was seeing, I think my brain fried sometimes then ...

A very stern-looking Emmett was standing in the doorway, arms crossed. Except he was dressed as a ... cop ! Dark blue pants, blue shirt, blue cap, a cop's baton and the cuffs hanging to his black belt, a pair of black rangers and a sheriff's star pinned to his shirt.

"Well, well, what do we have here ?" He asked strictly.

My brain hadn't recovered yet. Or rather, my brain had moved to my groin region and my head wasn't controlling my body any more. My Imprint's eyebrows shot up while he said crossly "You're on a private property, sir. I'm afraid this is a serious offense that can't be overlooked."

He strode towards me and I almost took a step back, damn he looked intimidating ! My mouth opened a couple of times but no sound came out. "No good excuses, eh ? I'm afraid I'm going to have to frisk you, sir. Please stand against that wall and brace your hands on it." My body obeyed on auto-pilot, and soon the cop was standing right behind me, his crotch rubbing against my arse. I shivered and shifted.

"Don't move, sir." His hands gripped my shoulders, getting a good feel of them, before he slowly moved up my arms, leaning against me completely, his cold breath on my neck. When he was done, he stood back a bit and groped my armpits, before moving excruciatingly slowly down my ribs, making me squeal as it tickled.

His hands then placed themselves shamelessly on my abs, kneading them before moving up. When he arrived at my nipples, he massaged them a bit until they stood up erect. "There's something hard there, sir. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to lose the shirt."

My hands shot down to the hem of my T and I deftly lifted up over my head, throwing it to the side, before placing my hands back on the wall. His cold hands returned to my nipples, making me yelp as the icy fingers took hold of my meaty nipples and gave each of them a good squeeze. I moaned, thrusting my hips forward. I just knew he would drag this out when I already needed a good hard fuck already.

His arms then moved up from my nipples to get a good feel of each of my pectorals, before tracing the length of my collarbone. His arms disappeared, before I felt them right above my belt, on my back. His thumbs pressed into my back gently, before moving up, groping me all over. I couldn't help the eventual "Ah" "Mmmh" from escaping, but Em' didn't take any notice.

"You don't have anything I could cut myself on ?" He asked, and I replied with a feeble 'no sir.'

I felt him squat behind me. His fingers placed themselves on my naked feet and he slowly traced every single toe, making me want to curl them. He then took hold of my ankles and moved up my legs, torturously slowly. My cock was hard and itching by the time he reached my thighs, but instead his hands disappeared and I groaned in disappointment. I felt him grab my ankles again, and this time he groped my leg but from the back. I knew he was enjoying himself, torturing me like that !

He reached my thighs again, squeezing a couple of times, getting a good feel of them, before both his hands slapped against my arse, feeling like he was spanking me. He took hold of each of my clothed arse cheeks and squeezed roughly, before moving them away from each other, exposing my hole under all those clothes I longed to lose.

Then, again, his hands disappeared. I swallowed, desperate to thrust forward again, and I yelped again when his hands cupped my groin from behind, squeezing, feeling, rubbing his thumb all over my hard cock through my pants.

"Nothing sharp or hard on, eh ? Nothing that pokes out ?" He stepped back again, and I grunted at the loss of sensation on my cock. He left me standing there for ages, and I couldn't help but squirm on place. I think I leaked precum at some point ... God I was so hyped up !

"I'm going to have to conduct a full strip search. Please disrobe completely, sir." Again, my hands shot down but to my belt this time. I unclasped it and tore my pants down, whisking my boxers with them. I replaced my hands on the wall, knowing Emmett would use any excuse to cuff me. He groped my legs again, but quicker this time. When he came to my arse, he stopped, and soon I felt something cold, made of plastic probe between my arse cheeks.

His cop baton was spreading my butt, and I felt the large blunt end almost reached my overheated hole. He stepped to the side and used his baton to lift my hard cock, before looking up at me sternly "You're awfully excited, sir. Maybe we should proceed to a cavity search ?" He jerked his head towards the desk, his orders crystal clear.

I fumbled to the desk, and when I thought he wasn't watching my hand went down to my cock in an attempt at relieving the pressure I felt on my balls. I jerked myself once before I felt his dull baton hit my arse hard. I yelped and my hands shot in the air. "I'll not have you touch anything hard. Could be dangerous. Hands behind your back."

He cuffed me, grabbed my wrists and walked me towards the desk, before slamming me down on it. His baton made me understand I should spread my legs, which I did. I heard a cap open and close, and soon a slick finger was prodding between my arse cheeks. I relaxed a bit, and the finger forced its way to my hole but didn't penetrate. I fisted my hands, wishing he'd just fuck me already !

His index circled my hole slowly while his other hand kept my private orifice well on display. "Very well, let's see what you have hidden in there." His finger slipped in all the way and I grunted at the burning feeling my arse muscles were submitted to as I was ruthlessly stretched open. He twirled around up my hole a bit, and I just knew he was avoiding my prostate. I groaned, annoyed.

He hummed "There seems to be something ..." He said absent-mindedly, before deciding he needed to recruit a second finger. The first one pulled out but almost immediately after two fingers rammed into my arse, again making my sphincter burn deliciously.

I whined when his fingers stayed rooted in my hole, unmoving and tried to push back a bit. He tut-tutted before his hand grabbed my balls, squeezing enough to make me freeze in place. Then, in one swift motion, both his fingers pressed down on my prostate, and I couldn't help but yell out in pure bliss ! He started finger fucking me rapidly, rubbing insistently on my spot, and I tried to move, but his firm grip was still holding my balls in place.

Finally I just couldn't help but beg "Please just fuck me !"

He didn't answer more than say very seriously "There's definitely something in there, let's try something longer and bigger." That's when I understood he had decided to make me delirious before letting me cum; his cop baton presented itself at my arsehole as soon as his fingers retreated. It was well coated with lube, but I still whimpered when the toy slowly penetrated my arse, plunging deep into me. I winced when he shoved the last inches in.

I wish I could have seen Emmett, one hand on the handle of his makeshift dildo, fucking me with it, the other one holding my balls while I was bent over the desk, handcuffed. "JUST FUCK ME !" I exclaimed when I couldn't wait any more. My cock was dripping pre-cum on the floor, his hand on my balls did nothing to help and the big black baton fucking me was just one big TEASE !

I heard him growl, which went straight to my cock, before he slid the dildo carefully out. There were a few sounds of zipping and clothes being shed. I craned my head back to get a view of my naked Emmett, with only his belt, his cap and the rangers on. My head dropped down and my cock twitched at the sight.

"Now prepare yourself for the fucking of your life, sir." There was nothing gentle when he rammed his cock deep into my arse. I arched my back and he grunted. My hands clenched and unclenched, still cuffed behind my back. I banged my head on the table "FUCK ME !" I bellowed.

"Yes sir !" He exclaimed, before pulling out and shoving back in, making me see stars as he hit my prostate dead on.

"God fuck YES !" I roared and he _finally_ fucked me earnestly with that long hard cock I loved so much. His thighs slapped against my arse, his balls jiggled against mine each time his cock pressed into me.

At some point he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, curving my spine gently. I was a mess, stuttering 'Yes !' 'Fuck !' 'GOD !' while he groaned and grunted. Occasionally his spare hand spanked my arse, leaving my cheeks stinging, when it wasn't gripping my waist.

I felt my climax edge closer, but he didn't touch my cock, all I enjoyed was the rubbing of my member against the rough wooden desk. I pushed back viciously each time he rammed in and moaned like a bitch all the while. At some point, his hand groped for my cock, jerking me horribly slowly; but I was too lost to care. His cock in me was the centre of my focus as I slammed into the desk each time he shoved his icy cock deep into my arsehole.

I let out a loud and continuous "YEEEEEES !" As I came, but still Emmett fucked me ruthlessly, riding out my orgasm, milking every single drop of cum out of my blue balls. Only when I was drained to the point of exhaustion did he let himself cum deep within me with a feral growl that had even my spent softening cock twitch.

He collapsed onto me, his cock still seated into my burning arsehole and we just laid there, panting.

Once he had collected his breath, his stood up, feeling unsteady above me, before slipping out of me and striding to the bathroom, coming back with a lot of toilet paper. He deftly swiped up the mess we had made, before gently helping me out of the cuffs. I stood up, dizzy, and made my way to the bed, slumping down on it. At some point Emmett delicately wiped my cock, making me wince as it was hyper sensitive.

He reappeared after a while in a pair of white boxers, gleaming in the after-sex glow. He helped my unsteady legs into a pair of red boxers.

"Em' ... This is definitely ..." I was still panting "The best ... Christmas ... Ever."

He laughed nervously "I wasn't sure you'd like it. Ed' saw it in your head, but it seemed a bit weird at first. Then once I started it was so fucking hot !" He sat down next to me, infinite love painted all over his face as he looked down at me. My heart would have melted had I not been so spent.

"Emmett ... You have ...No idea ... How excited ... I was ... I thought ... I'd cum in my ... pants."

"I was afraid to be too rough though."

I chuckled, having gotten my breathing in order "Hottest thing we've ever done. Thanks for this, really. I would never have dared ask for this."

"Well, let's hope Ed' will be there next time you think of a fantasy then !"

I flushed red at the thought "After this I'll do whatever you want. Just ask and I'll give it to you, love."

He grinned widely "I'll tell you if I get inspired !"


	45. New Year

"_**Try something new each day. After all, we're given it to find out and it doesn't last forever !"**_

_- Harold and Maude_

A/N: I now a facebook page: '**Lineia**' (with a new anonymous account under 'Dom Lineia' if you want to add me). React to the latest chapter, discuss it with other readers, tell me what you want/think ! I'll post updates about the upcoming chapters there, among other things. The ambition is to lead to some interesting brainstorming, which the fanfic' review system doesn't allow ... We'll see how it goes ! The more people add me, the more interesting it'll be !

**Warning : Graphic Gay Sex.**

* * *

**Chapter XLV: NEW YEAR **

* * *

In one word, Christmas was a success. After our steaming hot session, Emmett and I cleaned up before going down to cuddle on the couch. I enjoyed it just as much as the sex, but in a very different way. It felt like the first real close contact since all the arguments we had had. Emmett had his arm around my shoulders, and we were sitting next to each other on the soft couch, in front of _The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug_ on the Cullen's gigantic TV screen, with a fire roaring in their modern hearth.

Emmett had drawn me in tightly against him, my head resting on his warming chest. We didn't speak for a long while; we didn't need to. At some point, just as the movie was ending Rosalie arrived, looking tired but happy.

Thinking about Rosalie reminded me about the presents she got Emmett and me ... I'm still surprised about how I reacted, particularly considering there wasn't a single drop of alcohol involved. As soon as she arrived, she disappeared, before coming back to the living room with two presents. I remember she looked particularly ... mischievous.

Emmett and I thanked her and took our presents, and my Imprint opened his first. He found a short strip of leather with a snap link at the end. He groaned and said "Please don't say this is what I think it is ?"

She simply raised her eyebrows and turned to me. I opened mine to find a pristine black collar, with a dog tag labelled '_Jacob' _and another with Emmett's cell number ... I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or yell. There was a third dog tag I read last '_to be kept on a short leash'_. Way to go, Rosalie ... Emmett gets the short leash, I get the collar. I really should have seen that coming... Rose was watching, probably curious as to how I'd react while Emmett looked positively murderous.

I think it's that last fact that decided it for me "Come on, Em', I want to try it on !"

He gaped "What ?! It's a stupid-arse joke, Jake, you burn that thing !"

"Now, that wouldn't be very polite, would it ? Come on, it'll be fun !" I grabbed his wrist and pulled, but he stayed there, frowning.

"So you get upset because your pack teases you, but when you get a collar you want to try it on ?"

"It's different, I'm doing this because I want to." When he didn't budge, I added, grinning "Come on, it'll be fun !"

He chuckled nervously at that and let me pull him out, Rosalie close on our heals. I quickly stripped to my underwear and phased. Then something weird happened; the wolf didn't want to stay wolf. He wanted me to phase back... But I kept him in place, wanting to put on a good show for Rose. I wondered if it was that my wolf was clinging to his pride, but there was something aching in my belly ... I shrugged, never mind.

Emmett took hold of the collar and approached me. I lifted my wolf head as high as possible so he'd be able to strap it around my neck. I instantly hated it, it was heavy, constraining, but I really wanted to play. Emmett attached the snap link to the collar, and I gave a test tug to it, pulling Emmett with me.

I grinned wolfishly, now I was a match for my mate. I darted towards the forest, wheezing a bit as the collar dug into my wind-pipe, but delighted to see I was dragging Emmett with me, who had to do his best both to keep up and stay near to me due to the short leash. Rosalie's clear laughter rang in the air, and I directed us back to the mansion.

"Bad doggy !" Emmett chided me. I huffed, before darting forward to lick him all over his face. He groaned as I drooled all over him. I pulled back, admiring my handiwork. He would be stinking for a while now ! Teach him to call me a doggy !

That's when Edward and Bella arrived, her riding him piggy back. Emmett saw his opportunity for a revenge "Hey Bella, look, I got myself a giant dog !"

Edward roared with laughter at seeing my predicament while his wife simply gaped. I gave a very hard tug on the leash and Emmett stumbled backward, falling on his arse. I leapt on to him and stepped on his arms and legs.

"We've already been there, Jake. Remember what happened next ?" The memory of a particularly painful kick in my balls made me jump off him cautiously. You never knew what Emmett planned ...

Edward managed to stutter through his laugh "He – values – them – too much" I was very glad I couldn't blush ...

"How did you get Jake to agree to wear a collar anyway ?!" Bella asked, looking stricken.

Emmett shrugged, still on the ground "I didn't. Rose did !" My leash was lying on the ground, and he lunged for it from where he was, but was too slow as I leapt away.

"Come back ! Bad doggy !" He yelled after me as we ran round and round the mansion, until one of my paws skidded on the soft ground and stumbled, groaning loudly. Emmett, with a great "Haha !" Took hold of the leash. I rolled my eyes and snorted. Fine, you win ...

Bella shook her head before returning inside, swiftly followed by Edward who looked like he wanted to laugh but restrained himself to please his bitchy princess. Rosalie, looking very smug, followed them too.

"Let's take that off." Emmett said before unclasping the collar. My head collapsed on the ground and I laid down on my side, Emmett sitting down between my legs, leaning on my warm belly. Even he looked small compared to my wolf ...

I phased back and smirked as Emmett lost his footing and stumbled back. He blurred to get my clothes, grumbling all the while. As I put everything back on, he asked "So why did you want to try the collar on ?"

I shrugged, honestly not having a good answer "Dunno. I thought it might please Rosalie, and God knows I don't want her as my enemy. Besides, I thought we could have some fun, God knows too we needed a good laugh !"

He came closer to get an arm around my shoulders, smiling warmly "So next time I want a laugh I take the collar out ?"

I groaned "No. Burn the thing." He laughed, nodding.

We spent the rest of the day together, feeling closer than ever.

* * *

Then came New Year. Acting out my fantasy was burnt down in my memory, and I wanted my Imprint to have something similar so I had one of the most awkward conversations in history with Rosalie

**[Flashback]**

I knocked on her door, feeling the tip of my ears warm as I blushed. I had debated doing this for a few days, but the excitement and the desire to turn Emmett on more than ever had finally won. The door opened and I entered.

"Jake ! What's up ?"

"Hum ... Ok ... So this is going to sound very weird ... I ... It's like this, I want to ... Hum ..."

"Spit it out, what's troubling you ?"

I closed my eyes "I want to know if Emmett has any secret fantasies." Silence followed my words.

I opened my eyes, to find Rosalie gauging me cautiously. "He does ..."

I waited, hoping she wouldn't make me ask which ones. Fortunately she said "Give him a strip tease. He's really into that."

"What ?" I squeaked, my face turning tomato red.

"A strip tease. Here" She turned around and dug into her chest of drawers, before throwing me something white that I barely caught, as I blushed even more furiously. "Use this G-string, it's a guy's version. Don't ask why I have it. Pick a cool song with a fast beat, dance, strip. Nothing has ever turned him on more than that. If he pitches and you catch, I suggest you ride his lap too. Up to you."

"Ok." Was all I could manage before I escaped from her bedroom, the white undergarment clutched in my sweaty hand.

**[End Flashback]**

In all fairness, I did thank her much later.

It took quite a bit of planning, but I got it all worked out in the end. I even trained once – I didn't have the heart for more than that – in front of a mirror, feeling like a complete idiot; particularly considering how red my face was. I could only hope I wouldn't blush this much in front of Emmett ... Already I could feel this would be a one time thing, I wasn't made to take charge in bed, that was Emmett's role. Next time he'd have to take whatever he wants.

The whole family was there to celebrate New Year. Carlisle had even invited Dad and the Clearwaters to my delight. Dad had grumbled a bit at having to go to a vampire-infested house, but when I pointed out that my mate had the courage to go to a wolf-infested house, he had puffed his chest out and asked when he should be there. Seth had been yipping like a puppy at the prospect, Leah had grumbled a bit too while Sue had simply smiled and assured me she'd be there.

There isn't much to say about the evening, except that we all had a good time. Bella wasn't showing yet, but she was supposed to be on the other side of the world, so she and Edward had gone out to Seattle. Just as well, no mind reader while I was doing what I had planned. We counted down the seconds to midnight, before going around hugging and toasting.

The party quickly thinned after that; dad was tired and couldn't go home alone so Sue decided to leave. Seth would have wanted to stay but Leah wasn't eager to stay in a house full of vampires with only her baby brother, so they left with dad. Jasper and Alice were still in New York; Carlisle and Esme bid us goodnight before retreating to their own bedroom – and I really didn't want to know what was going on _there_.

Emmett took my wrist and led me back to the bedroom, and I felt my heart rate quicken, wishing I had come up with a better plan than _that_. I didn't want to have to change so my ... underwear ... was already on, riding up my arse incredibly uncomfortably and barely containing my pack. Why the fuck did I decide to do this again ?!

Since the last ... incident, I had avoided to drink. First time around with Paul, second time in that club; lesson learnt, getting drunk definitely was _not_ smart. But that night I had indulged myself, thinking it would loosen me up enough. I was partly right, I did feel the fuzzy feeling getting tipsy procured, but I wondered whether all the drink in the world would be able to loosen me up enough to do _this_.

Thankfully, I only had to imagine Emmett's animalistic, hungry, possessive, horny look to get me going. My heart hammering, I sat my Imprint down in the couch, in the bedroom "Sit here, don't move and watch." I said, not trusting myself to speak more than that. I was wearing a black shiny sleeveless jacket over a white cheap shirt I wasn't afraid of ruining. To go with it, a pair of navy blue pants that were large enough to be dropped easily, the special underwear, and nothing on my feet.

I had created a playlist with three songs, _It's Raining Men_ first, _Russian Roulette_, and _Turn Me On_, featuring Nicky Minaj. I'd start with a quick beat, getting down to my ... undergarment, before slowing down for the last part with the second song. I strode towards the docking station and tapped on the iPod a few times to start the first song. I was a bit nervous, but I was also excited for things to come.

With a mischievous smile, I returned to stand in front of my Imprint, who was frowning, probably wondering what was up. The instrumental part of the song started, and his eyes widened a bit; I couldn't help but grin at that. I waited for my cue.

_Humidity is rising – Barometer's getting low / According to all sources, the street's the place to go_

I started swaying my hips at the beat, closing my eyes until I really got into the strip and stopped feeling like a perfect idiot.

_Cause tonight, for the first time / Just about half-past ten / For the first time in history / It's gonna start raining men._

I opened my eyes to fix on Emmett, and opened my jacket up in a quick move while the song started up, still swaying my hips quickly and smiling naughtily at my transfixed Imprint.

_It's raining men ! Hallelujah, it's raining men ! / I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get / Absolutely soaking wet ! _

Quickly I was getting excited and stopped thinking, instead enjoying myself and Emmett's hungry stare. I made a show of rubbing my clothed chest while the song picked up.

_It's raining men ! Hallelujah / It's raining men ! Every specimen / Tall, blonde, dark and lean / rough and tough and strong and mean_

I took the jacket off and threw it to the side, before whipping my face back to Emmett and smiling at him.

_God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too / She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do / She taught every angel to rearrange the sky_ / _So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy_

I let my hands trail on my chest again, before moving down to my thighs, my hips still swaying quickly at the beat of the song. Right when the song picked up again, I took hold of the flaps of my shirt and tore it open, making buttons fly all over the room.

_It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! / It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! / It's Raining Men! Amen-n!_

The song lulled a bit, and I used the time to let my hands roam on my chest for the third time, my hips swaying. My hands moved up behind my head to expose my armpits, and I smiled down at Emmett, aware of the effect I was having on him. I could feel myself slowly harden at seeing his eyes pitch-black with lust and his hands fisting the cover of the couch. I pumped my hips even harder in that position, letting my crotch shoot forward before pulling back.

_I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin / Hear the thunder / Don't you lose your head / Rip off the roof and stay in bed  
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too / She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do / She taught every angel to rearrange the sky / So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy / It's Raining Men! Yeah!  
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low / According to all sources, the street's the place to go / Cause tonight for the first time / Just about half-past ten / For the first time in history / It's gonna start raining men._

All the time I let my feet stamp the beat silently, alerting between revealing my armpits and the light brown hair that was there, or touching my chest and, toying with my nipples.

_It's Raining Men ! Hallelujah/ It's Raining Men ! Amen ! / It's Raining Men ! Hallelujah / It's Raining men !_

When the song picked up for the last time, I took hold of the hem of my pants, winked once at Emmett, before bending over to pull them down as quickly as possible and stepping out of them as elegantly as possible. When I stood up again, Emmett gasped, probably when he saw my G-string and my hardening cock which was roughly outlined. The second song started, and I used the short interval to pick the massage oil up. I held it in one hand while the other roamed my chest, and I pumped my hips to the slower beat of Rihanna's song.

_Take a breath / Take it deep. / 'Calm yourself' he says to me / If you play, you play for keeps. / Take the gun and count to three / I'm sweating now / Moving slow / No time to think. My turn to go._

A slightly faster beat arrived, and I poured a generous amount of oil to my chest, letting it run all the way down to my groin. With swift movements, I spread it all over me, making my bronze skin shine in the semi-dark of the room.

_And you can see my heart beating / You can see it through my chest / Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving / I know I must pass the test / So, just pull the trigger._

As the song slow down, I turned around and swayed my arse with exaggerated movements, looking back at my Imprint with a naughty smile from time to time.

_Say a prayer for yourself / He says 'close your eyes, sometimes it helps' / And then I get a scary thought / That he's here – means he's never lost._

Again the faster beat picked up, and this time I poured oil all over my back, letting it run to my arse. With fast motions, I spread it all over my arse and calves, bending forward slightly to give a good show.

_And you can see my heart beating / You can see it through my chest/ / Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving / I know I must pass the test / So, just pull the trigger._

Again the song slowed down, and I put my arms behind my head, letting all my back muscles ripple for my Imprint, staring resolutely out the window.

_As my life flashes before my eyes / I'm still wondering will I ever see another sunrise ? / So maybe won't get the chance to say good-bye / But it's too late to think of the value of my life._

For the last time, the song picked up in pace, and I whipped around to face Emmett. He had glided down the couch, and his fingers were resting on his thighs, twitching. His pants seemed to have gotten very tight ... With one hand I smeared the oil over my chest, spending time on my nipples, the other hand staying behind my head.

_And you can see my heart beating / You can see it through my chest / Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving / I know I must pass the test. / You can see my heart beating / Oh, you can see it through my chest. / I'm terrified but I'm not leaving no, no / know that I must pass this test. _

The finale was arriving. The string was almost see-through because of the oil, and Emmett's eyes were fixed on my cock, which was hardening at an alarming rate. Just as the gunshot came, I ripped the damned string off, letting my cock jut free happily for Emmett's eyes.

_So just pull the trigger [gunshot]_

I stayed unmoving until David Guetta's song arrived, changing the mood completely. I strode towards my hungry Imprint, hoping the teasing would earn me a rough ride. I climbed onto his lap eagerly and went straight for his lips, kissing him passionately, letting him dominate the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his tongue in my mouth, of my cock rubbing lightly on his shirt.

I broke the kiss and took hold of the hem of his shirt, before pulling it over his head.

"God Jake, I've never seen anything that hot ... I need you so fucking bad right now !"

I moaned my approval, before climbing off his lap and kneeling between his opened legs. He raised his hips while I pulled his pants and underwear down, and he kicked them off. I greedily took a hold of his large white cock and started stroking slowly. My mouth watering, I took hold of the root and directed it towards my face, before lowering my head and giving a tentative lick at the ice cold member. Emmett groaned appreciatively, and that was enough for me: I carefully lowered my mouth down on his cock, before closing my lips around it and sucking. My tongue was giving his dick a bathing while I bobbed up and down at the sound of Nicky Minaj's voice.

Emmett threw his head back and let out another groan, before he took a strong grip of my cropped hair and fisted it as much as possible. My cock was quivering and screaming for attention, but I wanted to make this about my Imprint, so I ignored the itch in my balls and continued my savage blow-job.

I looked up at my lover, whose black eyes were trained on me, with the same feral look he had been sporting since I started.

"I want to fuck you, Jake." I hummed around his cock, making him moan, before I let his cock go and clambered back up on his lap. I kissed him again, and I felt two of his fingers nudge my arsehole, painfully pressing in. I winced at the burning feeling, but soon he had me writhing in his lap; he knew exactly where my prostate was now.

He started finger fucking me and I bounced up and down on his hand, happy for the oil on my arse that was lubricant enough.

"Enough ! Sit down on me gorgeous !" I obliged eagerly, taking hold of his cock with one hand, holding one of his shoulders to steady myself, before slowly lowering myself onto him. I took my time, not being overly stretched. Emmett was good enough not to move while I speared myself on his cold hard cock, feeling it open me up from the inside, stretching my sphincter. The cold was the same usual balm against the burn that his over-average big cock produced as I threaded it up into me.

Once I was seated onto him I turned to face my Imprint, and experimentally sat up before slamming back down. His cock nudged my prostate and I closed my eyes, throwing my head back and moaning at the delectable feeling. On of my hands shot down to jerk myself but Emmett grabbed both my wrists and pinned them against his chest with one hand.

"Oh no you don't. You teased me forever, now you're going to cum without touching yourself, I'm gonna make you cum on my cock." His voice had a savage tone that made my cock twitched; and although I knew it would be tortured, the thought of cumming hands-free turned me on.

I started bouncing up and down in his lap, my hands still trapped against him. My cock jutted up and down, untouched and desperate for friction "Fuck Em' you're going to kill me if you don't touch me !"

His only answer was to snap his hips up and ram his cock deep into me, making me yell out "FUCK YES !"

His hips snapped back down and I immediately started fucking myself on him again. My cock sometimes brushed against his chest, making me shiver all over with need. I was moaning like a madman, the last song of the playlist having ended long ago. Emmett still held my hands in an iron grip, and I just hoped he'd touch me _soon_.

My Imprint started taking complete control, fucking me despite the fact that I bobbed up and down, raising his hips violently, shoving his cock onto my prostate. "Fuck it, just TOUCH me !" I lashed out at some point.

"You little tease ... I told you, you'll cum hands free." That's when he stood up suddenly, making me yelp as I hooked my legs around his waist to make sure his cock stayed rooted deep into me. He turned around and bent forward, so I was sitting onto the couch, my legs raised to expose my tight little hole.

This time he fucked me guns blazing, withholding nothing. His cock was applying a continuous pressure on my mark while I babbled incoherently about pleases to have my cock touched; all of which remaining unanswered.

I felt my cock leak precum which trickled down all the way to my hole. Emmett's thighs were slapping against mine violently each time he snapped forward to plunge his cock deep into me. I was repeating a mantra of 'touch me' but he simply growled. I felt my climax inching forward quickly, and my cock started pulsating, desperate to be pushed over the brink. My balls itched horribly and pulled up to grip the shaft of my cock. All the while my Imprint carried on with his ruthless pounding of my helpless arsehole.

I roared when my cock finally gave up and I came, sending large jets to cum flying onto my chest. Not having a hand jerking me off while I came made the orgasm much more powerful, yet also more torturous. I panted, my hands still trapped but desperate to jerk my cock stupid for the last drops of cum. My arse clenched around Emmett's cock, and I felt his member pulse within me, before he too roared and came, sending his cum deep into my arsehole.

We stood there for a long while, catching our breaths.

"Happy New Year, Em'. I love you."


	46. Taking Command

_**"A nation of warriors and fanatics, marching forward in perfect unity, all thinking the same thought and shouting the same slogans, perpetually working, fighting, triumphing, persecuting - 300.000 people, all with the same face."  
**_

- _1984_

**Warnings : Graphic Gay Sex and slightly gore fighting scene.**

* * *

**Chapter XLVI : TAKING COMMAND  
**

* * *

I woke up on the First of January, feeling ... well, good. The pale sun had trouble penetrating the thick blanket of clouds, but not even the sempiternal grey sky could dampen the feeling of elation that filled me that morning. It felt like the relation problem was finally behind me, even if I knew that it was exactly _that_ kind of thinking that led to the situation in the first place. At least I didn't feel like I was treading on egg-shells any more !

I stretched my arms and legs, feeling the cool seep from Emmett's side of the bed into my over-heated one. The mansion was relatively poorly heated, but considering none of its inhabitants gave a damn about the cold, it wasn't overly strange. I knew Edward had bought a mobile heater for his room now that Bella would be staying there, probably lying down days at an end due to her pregnancy, but frankly I liked the cool house. I was always too hot anyway !

Ok, let's say I _didn't mind_ the cool house. It was really nice to go back home to Dad's and feel the heat blast from inside too, particularly during those freezing winter days. I had to admit, my arse was irritated after the pounding from the previous night, but I didn't mind that either, let's say it was well worth it.

"Good morning, luv'." Emmett said almost sleepily from beside me.

"Hey !" I answered, before giving him a languid morning kiss. Emmett inched his body nearer to mine and soon we were hugging tightly, naked under the heavy quilt. I had my customary morning wood, and he had his customary lack thereof.

My Imprint hummed "I love it when you wake up, you're all musky, sweaty and ... _hard _..." I felt his cock stir against mine, and I bucked into his embrace, shivering as my own length rubbed against his taut abdominals and sent spikes of pleasure to my brain. One of Emmett's calves nudged itself between my thighs, and I greedily parted my legs to let him slip his against my groin.

I groaned when he too started rubbing himself against me, feeling his hard cock poke my waist. "God Em', you feel so goo-od !" He grunted and cupped my head to bring me into another kiss. My hands were firmly wrapped around him, holding my Imprint as tightly against me as possible.

We rutted against each other for a while, exploring our respective bodies with gusto. Soon, Emmett came with a low groan that sent shivers to my spine, and I soon joined him.

Sticky with slightly disgusting cum, we both jumped into the shower. After a good amount of horsing around and sloppy seconds, we went down to satisfy my protesting stomach.

* * *

Days passed. Days became two weeks. Emmett and I preferred to fill our days with activities rather than stay in the infectious mansion's atmosphere. We would leave for long hunting trips when my Imprint needed feeding, or Emmett would show me around PA, or even Seattle. At first I was amazed and annoyed at how much my sheltered life had hidden the outside world, until I realized I was yet again doing the mistake of not simply enjoying our cruises.

Everything was better between my mate and me, even if the atmosphere at the mansion had become tense. Edward and Bella weren't on the best of terms, and their disputes put everyone ill at ease. She had started to show, which only made matters worse when it came to Edward, who saw it as an impending doom.

I avoided the two as much as possible, as Bella would invariably ask me to back her up, which I was reluctant to do. True, she had been and still was a good friend, but I couldn't help putting myself in Edward's shoes. What if I hadn't imprinted on Emmett and I was the father somehow ?

Not very probable, granted, but being male, I still sympathized with Edward. Emmett entirely agreed with me and was quite cold with Bella. While the two had been on good terms before, they avoided each other's presence as much as possible. Bella avoided anyone who wasn't on her side, while Emmett avoided the inevitable confrontation with Rosalie. I know he'd argued with her once, and despite his assurances that he didn't want to lose her friendship, he hadn't been tender with her.

Esme and Carlisle couldn't help side with Edward too, if only because they were worried about Bella's welfare. Alice and Jasper usually stayed in their common bedroom or went out camping for days at an end.

Then there was the situation with the pack. Leah's bitterness had gotten the best of Sam, who was now treating both the Clearwaters quite cruelly. I still didn't know what his problem was, as I could hardly believe he really was homophobic ... Nonetheless, I felt like I should intervene somehow; after all, I _was_ the rightful Alpha of the pack. Honestly though, the relatively recent dispute with Emmett had me loathe to do anything that could make the status quo topple.

* * *

Something happened that robbed me of a choice, though. Seth discovered that Bella was pregnant by a vampire, and the information leaked to Sam through the mental link the packed shared once phased. I know Carlisle called Billy to try to fix things, but Sam was off the leash, so to speak. It seemed power had grown on him, and he wasn't as keen as before to obey a tribe of old men.

I talked to Dad too, but he told me the same thing. He even pleaded that I should leave the mansion while the problem solved itself, as it seemed Sam wouldn't make distinctions between kin and vampire. In other words, if Sam came for Bella, I would be in the way. I tried calling Sam, but he didn't bother answering.

I hadn't been on the rez' since Christmas, fearing the welcome I would get by Sam's pack. Last time I had seen Dad was on New Year's Eve, for he couldn't well come here with Bella pregnant.

Anyway, two weeks after the First of January, Sam and his pack presented themselves at the mansion. There were a couple additions to the pack, most of the wolves had grown, and I knew they had been practising in case something like this should happen. When a year ago we had been at a disadvantage against the Cullens, Sam's pack was at least on the same level as the Cullens.

Alice and Jasper were away on one of their trips, which meant it was Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Edward, Emmett and me against Sam, Embry, Quil, Seth, Leah, Brady and Collin. They outnumbered us, but hopeful the Cullen's fighting skills would be enough, nonetheless, I wasn't very confident.

Emmett was beside me, his face void of any expression. We'd talked about this, despite his dislike for Bella, he'd defend her and his family with everything he had. Edward was looking beside himself with anger, which was quite unusual compared to his cool and calm demeanour. Esme was looking grim and worried while Carlisle had his pleasant smile, probably hoping the confrontation could be defused.

Sam arrived in his human form with the pack as wolves behind him. I wondered if he was so arrogant as to think himself unbeatable – a shifter in his human form was after all extremely vulnerable ... In our humans forms, we didn't have the speed necessary, nor the strength indeed, to counter any attack. In other words, all Carlisle had to do was blur to Sam and gut him, and the latter wouldn't have time to see it coming.

Sam, with a smug expression, declared "Hand over Bella and we won't kill all of you."

Carlisle calmly answered "You know that is not going to happen." I noticed some of the wolves fidgeted uncomfortably, Seth, Embry and Leah in particular; they were either uneasy at having to fight me or at the prospect of killing Bella, or whatever Sam had planned for her. Quil, Brady and Collin on the other seemed eager to fight.

"Then we'll have to fight our way past you." Sam simply replied, obviously expecting Carlisle's answer.

"Sam, you're supposed to protect humans, not kill them." I interjected. I had started hating the man. Not only had he made my own life hell, he was making Seth and Leah's lives hell too, but now he wanted to murder my friend ?!

He turned to me with a clear disgusted face "I'm protecting Forks against the baby, Leech-lover."

"Well you're going to have to come and get her !" Edward snapped, before growling aggressively.

"My thoughts exactly." Sam said lowly with a dark grin.

I suddenly knew what I had to do. The idiot had gone completely nuts, he couldn't be allowed to stay in command of the pack. "Sam Uley, I challenge you for the right to decide."

The sheer surprise on his face was good news, he hadn't thought anyone _could_ challenge him. Quickly though, he smiled sadly and said "Well, I promised Billy I'd spare you if you stepped aside, but it seems I'm going to have to make you ... _submit_."

He phased and waited for me. I stepped forward, shed my shorts and turned towards Emmett, realizing he was probably seething at the risk I was taking.

Instead he melted my heart with an encouraging nod "Go on, win this for us, Jake. You're ten times better than him. Show him who's in command !" His words unlocked something in me. '_Win this for us'_, he was right, I couldn't afford to lose, so I wouldn't lose. I tried to phase, but I had to drag my wolf from the depth of my consciousness. I frowned, this was the second time it had happened. Why didn't my wolf want to show itself ?! I usually had no problem at all !

With an effort, I dragged his arse to the front of my consciousness and was rewarded with the shift that turned me into a giant russet wolf. Again, there was a strange pain in my belly, but this time it was ten times worse ! I clamped my jaw shut though, and focused on the target of my hatred.

Just as I phased, Leah and Seth fidgeted and whined, before fighting invisible chains. With a triumphing growl, they skidded towards me and came to stand by my side.

_We're part of your pack now, Jake. _Leah said, sounding delighted.

_You don't have to fight him any more, he doesn't stand a chance against us and the Cullens._ Seth noted.

Oh, but I did have to fight him; if only to make my mate proud.

Leah groaned _Jake, no need to impress your vamp', you're taking quite the risk ..._

My wolf was remarkably silent on the matter, I had expected him to be jubilant at the prospect of taking on the Alpha position, but just as the previous time I phased, he was deep in hiding.

If anything, Sam became even more blood-thirsty when a quarter of his pack deserted him. He started growling and snapping his jaw shut in what was supposed to be a terrifying display.

I slowly made my way towards him, and we started turning around each other, examining, waiting for the moment to pounce. This finally made my wolf lift its head and sniff around, interested. I felt my wolf snarl at Sam, the imposter.

Suddenly Sam jumped leapt onto me, and I rose to the challenge. Our paws met while we stood on our hind legs, snapping at each other viciously. I was taller than him and soon got the advantage, pushing him backwards while trying to sink my fangs into his neck.

Sam realized he was losing ground, so he jumped back and snarled at me, furiously. He leapt again, incredibly fast, and sent his paw flying towards my muzzle. I skidded back, but his claws mauled my snout, making me see red with anger. I jumped to him, and he was too slow to react. I managed to send one of my own paws into his ribs, before he snapped his fangs towards my exposed neck.

We rolled together, snapping and clawing while trying to get the upper hand. Sam hissed every time I was on top, crushing his injured ribs, and was forced to retreat again when neither of us was able to remain on top. I didn't let him go though, I ran after him and tried to make him tumble by hitting of his back legs, but said back leg delivered a powerful blow that landed square on my skull and stunned me.

Seeing his advantage, Sam whipped around and leapt onto me, jaws wide opened. I ducked at the last second and his mouth snapped close on air, making him growl with frustration. I went for him again, and we battled standing on our back legs once more.

This time I was able to send my paw to his chest again, making him gasp as the air left his lungs. I didn't give him a second's respite and mauled his side with my claws, drawing blood.

He yelped and my wolf growled savagely at seeing him start to submit to me. He backed up but I didn't let him go, instead kicking at his front paws until one of them broke with a sickening _crunch_. He yelped again.

I growled at him, and he flattened onto his belly before rolling onto his back, baring his throat, but my anger was insatiable. All the hatred accumulated towards that man in recent weeks made me leap at him to claw at his face, my jaw wide open to bite into his throat, the ultimate sign of dominance.

Someone yelled 'NO !' as my claws sank like butter into a white muscular arm.

Emmett growled in pain, the terrifying sound of a wounded bear that would have me coward if it hadn't been my Imprint. The Imprint violently protested against my hurting my mate by making me want to vomit while my whole body spasmed.

I saw him kneel, clutching his mauled arm. I phased back in a fraction of a second "EMMETT !" I ran to him and reached from behind him for his shoulder.

"Don't !" He snapped, swatting my hand away without looking at me and walked towards the mansion as dignified as possible. I took my shorts and pulled them up before running to my wounded Imprint, feeling my stomach curl. Edward blurred in front of me before I could follow my beloved inside, though.

"Jake, don't. You wounded his pride, he'll be fine."

I shook my head like a bull swats at irritating flies "No, you don't understand, I need to talk to him !"

I knew exactly why Emmett was pissed, and it wasn't his pride. I was convinced he thought I had nearly killed Sam. His words came back to me '_The only reason you should kill is to avoid being killed yourself. And even then you should avoid killing him if you can without taking risks.'_

Edward must have read my mind, because he let me run after my Imprint, leaving the others to deal with the situation; all that mattered was Emmett. I jumped the stairs four by four before barging into the bedroom. He was in the bathroom, nursing his arm.

I gasped. My claws had ruined his arm ! They had dug three deep wounds into his white muscular forearm. It was like someone had taken a huge knife and sliced it through his forearm from side to side. I had nearly cut his hand off !

"God ..." I choked, feeling I would throw up any time as my stomach knotted itself painfully.

He raised his head and sighed, before stating indifferently "The flesh will grow back quickly enough."

My head was spinning, and I sat down heavily on the thick carpet, fearing a fainting spell that I sincerely couldn't afford at that moment. Emmett turned his head when I slumped down and gave me a sad smile "It's not that bad, don't worry", his tone warming up somewhat. He stood up, wincing and made his way towards me, making me feel even more terrible at needing comforting when I had done the wounding.

I sat up using the nearby bed as a crutch and started babbling "Em' I'm so sorry, I swear I wasn't going to do anything to Sam, it's just my wolf wanted to bite down on his throat. I was going to hurt him but I swear I wasn't going to kill him or anything. I'm so sorry for hurting you, God Em', I'm sorr-"

"Shh, Jake, it's alright. You seemed to see red so I tried to stop you, but I underestimated your speed ..." He hugged me with one arm and my shoulders relaxed as I felt the knots in my stomach disappear. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as all the tension left me and the adrenaline rush left me queasy.

"I'm sorry, Em', I'm so sorry."

"Jake, calm down, it's alright. My arm is almost healed already, see ?" He waved his arm in front of me and I sniffed, seeing the wounds already closing mercifully.

I frowned "Why didn't it heal this fast last time ?"

"Last time my body had to focus on keeping me somewhat alive. Besides, I got a good amount of your magical blood on my arm." My own wounds had healed long ago.

After a silence punctured only by my gripping his shirt tighter, Emmett said, unsure of himself "Jake, this might sound ... condescending ... I just wanted you to know, I'm proud of you."

"Really ?" I asked, whispering.

"Really." This was a new feeling for me. He'd told me he loved me, he'd told me I was gorgeous and other such mushy stuff, but he never told me this before. This was different from dad telling me he's proud, somehow. This was ten times better. This felt incredibly great.

"It's not condescending, and it means a lot you think so." I simply said, after struggling for the right words a long while.

After a while, I sighed "I should probably get a grip on my new pack." Despite my words, I stayed latched onto him, reluctant to leave his side at that moment.

Emmett nudged me towards the door "Go on, I need to make sure my arm heals properly and you need to make sure this doesn't happen again." Grumbling, I agreed and loosened the hug so he could slip back into the bathroom. I went back downstairs and outside.

Sam was still lying pathetically there, Leah and Seth were clearly standing with the Cullens, who were looking like they did this kind of thing every day. Collin, Brady, Quill and Embry were obviously uncomfortable and unsure of what to do.

My wolf had gone back into hiding. What the fuck was happening ?! I would need a word with Dad ! Instead of clawing my wolf back, I gave my orders as human, somehow finding the Alpha tone deep within me.

"No one is to attack a Cullen unless I've allowed it. The Cullens are now allowed on Quileute land, and wolves, I think, will be welcome on Cullen territory as long as you don't wreak havoc. Leah will be my new beta. Sam, run back to your Imprint and think on everything you've done for a while. The next one who teases Seth will have me to deal with ! You can all go home, I'll have Leah contact you if need be. I want all of you to know that I'll listen to any complaints, so come to me if you have any problems with the pack. I'll be here if you need me." All of them dipped their heads forward before scampering off. Seth came to rub his wet nose against my cheek before running after his sister.

Now I needed to head to Dad's and find out what the hell was wrong with my wolf !

* * *

I didn't get to Dad's as quickly as planned, in the end. I nearly followed the pack back to the rez' when they left, but I couldn't bring myself to leave without speaking to Emmett first, or at least checking up on him; so I trudged back into the mansion with the rest of the Cullens, gladly noting they didn't start treating me in any other way because of my new status.

All this for Bella. Bella who was getting worse with every day that went by. She was already incredibly thin and her bones were showing everywhere ... I really pitied Edward.

I quickly made my way up to the bedroom, which was slowly becoming Emmett's and my lair, after all the time spent there. He was still in the bathroom, shirtless, his arm upturned to check on the injuries. I was relieved to notice the wounds had mostly faded, only a greyish scar-like trace was left.

Emmett dunked his arm in the sink which was full with steaming water and groaned when the hot liquid engulfed his arm. "Is it painful ?" I asked, wondering why he'd want to warm his arm up.

He turned his head towards me "It was, now it just feels a bit stiff, I'm hoping the heat will relax my arm somehow." I nodded, unsure what to say next. I started biting on the inside of my cheek as I was still feeling terrible about opening his arm up. I was glad he had stopped me though, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't entirely sure what would have happened if he hadn't ... When my wolf took over, I kind of lost a grip on my morals ...

We stayed for a while, neither of us talking, or moving for that matter. Emmett had his eyes closed and was flexing his wrist in the water, probably testing the stiffness, while I desperately tried to come up with something to say. I huffed internally, it couldn't be _this_ hard to talk to my Imprint after all this time ! In the end, I asked lamely "Can I help ?"

Emmett's eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me "I'm fine, don't worry, 't's just going to take a while before my arm feels normal again." I nodded, starting to feel miserable again. I still couldn't get over the fact that I had _attacked_ and _hurt_ my Imprint ! That wasn't supposed to be possible ! I was supposed to ... protect him !

"God I could have cut your hand off ..." I mumbled, shaking my head in disbelief. That would have been like Emily's scars, something I would never _ever_ have been able to take back.

"Jake, seriously, it's alright ! It was my fault, really, I shouldn't have waited until the last moment !" I nodded again, unconvinced. Now that the adrenaline had left my system, I was feeling numb. I had nearly killed Sam, I wasn't even sure whether I had actually tried to kill him or not, and I had almost amputated one of my Imprint's hands. I sat down heavily on the bed, wishing I had been a regular 18 year old guy worried about getting into a good university.

Emmett came to stand before me, and he kneeled "Jake, is my arm bugging you ?" His hands were resting on my knees and his thumbs were rubbing small circles on my thighs.

I sighed "It's not just that." I needed to get everything out, so I told Emmett everything "I don't even remember what I was going to do with Sam ! I thought my wolf wanted to nip on his throat, but I feel like I wanted to sink my fangs in him instead. Then you stopped me and I nearly cut your hand off for your trouble. There's some problem with my wolf, he won't let me phase but I don't know why. Last time I had to fight to phase ! And the two last times I phased my belly was aching, but I have no clue why it's only when I phase. Then I'm having these mood swings, I'll be all giddy at one point and the next day I'm really down for no reason. And now all the adrenaline from the fight has left me and I feel even worse about it all."

"Come here." Emmett moved in for a hug which I accepted gratefully. I melted into his arms, and again felt like all my problems were being soaked up by my beloved vampire, the weight in my chest lifted and the knots in my stomach disappeared.

"No point dwelling on what could have happened. What's important is that nothing serious did happen, apart from you beating Sam's arse, for which you should give yourself some credit." After a beat, he added "Besides, now I can brag about dating a big bad Alpha wolf !"

I smiled "Thanks, Emmett. I love you so much ... I don't know what I'd do if you ... if you ..." I choked up, leaving the sentence hanging.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, so you don't have to worry about it, 'k ? Now, when you feel up to it, we'll go to Carlisle or to your dad's and ask him about your wolf, alright ? I'm sure it's nothing, you'll see." I nodded, breathing in deeply my Imprint's scent which helped to calm my nerves.

"For now I think you need to rest, you look beaten."

"Yeah, I'm exhausted ..." Emmett pulled out of the hug and I quickly shed my clothes, before pulling on a pair of loose boxers and crawling into bed. My Imprint was moving his fingers around, rotating his wrist before he nodded, looking pleased.

"See, all healed !" He stripped to his boxers too and came to bed and threw the covers over us. I snuggled close to him, facing him with my arms crammed between us as he pulled me in close with his own arms. I quickly fell into a deep slumber.


	47. A Cold Winter Night

_**"Oh ! But you are alone ! Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness. In bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you [...]. So fair, so cold, like a morning of pale spring still clinging to winter's chill."  
**_

-Grima Wormtooth, _The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers_

**Warning: Angst.**

* * *

**Chapter XLVII : A COLD WINTER NIGHT  
**

* * *

The next morning I woke up, feeling rested. I was still in Emmett's bear hug, but during the night I had slipped one of my thighs between his and my head was nestled under his. "Morning." I mumbled, determined on staying in that very same position for a while longer.

He kissed the top of my head "Hello sleepy-head. I'm surprised you didn't wake up during the night, there was a hell of a snow storm." That got my attention. I disentangled myself from my Imprint to be able to look out the window. It took a while for my eyes to get used to the dull white scenery, everything was covered with a thick layer of snow.

"I hope Dad turned the heater up, otherwise he's going to be freezing..." I said worriedly.

"Leah called this morning, she said that's exactly what your dad did, knew you'd be worried I think." I nodded absent-mindedly, my choice of Beta was definitely the right one. I needed to go to Dad's anyway, to ask him about that bloody wolf of mine. I hoped to God he had the answers to my questions.

"Feeling better ?" Emmett asked, a touch of worry in his voice.

I smiled and turned to him "Much." I declared, before giving him a determined morning kiss. I hopped off the bed "Hitting the shower !"

The hot stream of water was the icing on the cake that morning. When I had scrubbed myself clean and was heading downstairs in a clean set of clothes, I felt like a new person. Emmett was in the kitchen, as could be expected, and a mountain of pancakes was all ready to be eaten. After a grateful thanks, I dug in heartily, feeling even hungrier than usual – yes, it _is_ possible. My Imprint had varied the pleasures, blueberry pancakes, chocolate chip ones, and a new kind I'd never tasted before: cinnamon.

I'd been worried a while ago, because Emmett _always_ made breakfast. I didn't want him to think I couldn't do it myself, or that he _had_ to do it; turned out he loves preparing breakfast. Said it used to be his favourite meal of the day. Who was I to complain ?

Emmett wanted to come with me to Dad's, but I wanted an alone discussion, particularly if my wolf problem proved to be a humiliating one or whatever. I could imagine the situation _Yes, it's because you get fucked twice a day by your boyfriend, your Alpha status isn't compatible with that._ Or _You're coming into a heat period when all you'll want to do is fuck with your vampire._ Honestly I had no idea what the problem was, but I wanted the freedom of keeping the reason to myself if it wasn't of my Imprint's concern.

Emmett lent me his four-wheel driven Jeep, which was a much easier drive considering the quantity of snow that had fallen. I arrived at Dad's in no time and gladly noticed the Clearwaters wouldn't witness the conversation. I was more worried than I cared to admit about this wolf problem. Not really because I loved phasing or anything, but my Imprint was linked to my wolf, so what would happen if I somehow stopped being a shifter ? Would I still love Emmett or would the idea of letting him near my arse suddenly freak me out ?

I clenched my jaw and knocked forcefully on the door. What would happen would happen and there was no point worrying before it did. "Come in !" It felt weird knocking on the door to Dad's, but it would have felt wrong to barge in like I used to do since I nearly never slept there any more.

I entered "Dad, it's me !"

"Jake !" Dad was in the living room, and he turned the TV off when I arrived, taking care to get most the snow out of my Timberlands before entering. I gave my father a hearty hug, it had been a while since I'd seen him ... too long. It was a shock, seeing dad after almost a month, he looked ... older, yet thrumming of energy.

Dad patted the couch with a big smile "What's up, Son ?"

I have to admit, it was embarrassing to have come because I needed help, and not just because I wanted to see my dad. No point covering that up now, though, I'd just have to do better in the future. "I need your help."

He frowned "What's happening ?"

"I have trouble phasing."

His frown deepened "Been a long time ?"

I looked up quickly, counting the days since it had happened the first time "Since Christmas."

He nodded, pensive. After a beat, he asked "Anything else wrong ?" peering at me.

He knew what was happening, I was sure of it "My stomach aches whenever I phase."

He sighed deeply and a veil of sadness fell over his face. Ok, now he was starting to freak me out. "What does it mean ?"

Dad squared his jaw "I – I can't be sure ..."

I shook my head slightly "You might as well tell me, I know you're suspecting something."

He rested his hands in his lap, looked down quickly before giving me a long, measured look. When he spoke, his voice was wavering a bit "Look, Jake, like I said, I can't be sure. You're not the first male wolf to imprint on a male ... And like I've taught you, imprinting is to make sure your genes carry on, using the best suited mate." He paused for a second, and my eyes widened. This couldn't possibly be going where I thought it was, right ?

Dad ploughed on "Thing is, when a male imprints on a male, the couple shouldn't be able to have offspring, except most of the time, one of the wolves gets ... _pregnant_. When that happened, they wouldn't be able to phase, to protect the baby, and if they tried, the stomach cramps were so painful they had to phase back, all of them returned to normal after having their ... baby." I felt very queasy all of a sudden.

"You're joking." I said very seriously, as though the strength of my conviction would be enough to make my statement true.

"Not about something like this."

I blinked a few times, before anger rose up in me "Why didn't you tell me before ?!" I lashed out, standing up.

"I – you were with a vampire ! I – I thought they were sterile ... And ... I thought ..." Dad's cheeks got very red "I hoped you would be ... on top." I must have been tomato red at that point, the humiliation was terrible.

I fell back down. I knew something like this was going to happen, I just_ knew_ it ! "There – there must be a mistake."

Dad's tone got very gentle "Don't worry, Jake, I'm sure the doc' will be able to get that _thing_ out of you in no time."

_Thing_ ... "I – I need a minute." I managed to stutter. Dad whispered his assent and rolled out of the living room, and I heard him close the door to his bedroom.

I was pregnant ? There had to be some mistake ! I was a guy for Fuck's Sake ! Granted, I could be a real cockslut, but still !

FUCK !

I must have done something in a past life to be punished by the gods like this.

_Pregnant_ ... PREGNANT ! How could a guy be fucking pregnant ?!

I groaned and let my head fall into my cupped hands. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This couldn't be happening to me ! Now I would have to go to Carlisle and ask him to do a fucking pregnancy test ! This could only go dashingly well, of course.

_Carlisle, I – I might be pregnant._

_Beg you pardon ? _

_I might be pregnant._

_You – you what ?!_

Good fucking job I could sew my pack's mouths shut or my grandchildren would still hear how their grand-dad got pregnant. Yes, you heard me right, your grand-father, the rightful Alpha of the Quileute pack of shifters got knocked up by a vampire.

A tear trickled down my cheek. Why did things like this keep happening to me ?

I let myself fall onto the couch, rolling myself to a ball and sobbing silently. Why couldn't I just be happy ? Why couldn't I just have a happy life with Emmett ? A long, blissful life...

Emmett.

What would he say ?

I started trembling slightly. Maybe he would start hating me. Maybe he wouldn't love me any more.

There was a dense ball of worry in my throat and my stomach knotted itself up as my heart travelled down to my boots. He made it very clear after the disaster in the club that I wouldn't be allowed any more second chances.

What if he left me ?

I sniffed, letting the tears flow freely. I loved him so much it hurt. I would walk through a brick wall for my Emmett. I felt sure he would hate this, though, particularly considering his views on Bella's pregnancy. He was going to ask me to get rid of it, just like Dad had, I knew he would. The question was: what did I want ? And if I didn't want what Emmett wanted, could I go against him ? Would the Imprint allow it ? More importantly, what was I ready to do to make sure he never left me ?

No. This had to be a dream. I would go to Carlisle, do that fucking test and find out it's all just a dream. I'd pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare.

A dream ... The image of a white wolf flashed in my mind. A white wolf who was calling Emmett and me '_dad'_.

Doom filled my heart. Every Quileute had ingrained in him that dreams had a meaning, a reason. I should have suspected it. This wasn't a dream. This was for real.

I was pregnant.

I had to be. That's why the hickey on my collar bone never faded away, it was my mating mark. My hand fell down to my stomach, feeling for the life growing there. I swallowed and wiped my tears away. The foetus was growing in there. If I was right about the mark, it was conceived seven weeks ago.

My son.

I let my mind imagine what could be. I could be a dad. I could have a handsome white wolf as my son, a wolf, legends said that would rid us of our enemies. Emmett, my son and I could have the happiness I so longed for, we could be in peace, without any reason to worry.

'_Don't worry, Jake, I'm sure the doc' will be able to get that _thing_ out of you in no time.'_ Dad had said. He had been sure I would want to get rid of it.

I had to admit, that had been my first thought, I'd wanted to have that _thing_ cut out of me as quickly as possible.

But it wasn't a _thing_, it was a wolf, a wolf with molten gold eyes. A wolf I would call my son. A wolf that would call Emmett and me 'dad'.

It wasn't a nightmare. This, this was wonderful. Emmett and I had the chance of having a son ! And it wasn't even a baby vampire like Bella's ! It was a human shifter !

My tears turned to tears of joy. I wanted to hold my son in my arms. I could already see myself with my Imprint cooing over a cuter-than-hell toddler. I could see us dads.

And who cared what others thought ? They couldn't understand ! They couldn't understand I was lucky to have this. This had to be a gift from the spirits, they had showed me the future using dreams. We were a gay couple, yet we could have a child ! And Emmett, frozen in time and fertile, he could have a son ! A part of me couldn't help but wonder, maybe Em' was jealous of Edward ? Maybe he too, wished he had a wife who was pregnant with his child ? That was the dream of any man, wasn't it, to have a son ?

"Dad ?" I couldn't suppress my grin while I imagined a five-year old faceless child running around the house calling for his dad. A wheelchair soon appeared.

"You alright, son ?" I nodded enthusiastically. "Want to go get rid of that thing right now ? I can drive you to the hospital, you'll see, it'll be easy." He smiled reassuringly.

I smiled "Dad, I want to keep my son."

"What ?! Look, Jake, this is mad, you can't be _pregnant_ ! You – you're my son ! You can't have a vampire make you pregnant, it – it's not possible !

I spoke calmly, hoping to making him see that this was not only a possibility, but a benediction "Dad, I'm pregnant, however crazy that sounds. I might as well enjoy what no other man can..."

A shadow crept over his face "Jake, look, this is too dangerous, you can't have a vampire foetus in you. I won't allow it."

I frowned "Dad, this is my choice."

His temper rose in the same time as his voice "I will not have _my son_, the rightful Alpha, descendant of Ephraïm Black be knocked up by a vampire ! And even if you weren't, it much too dangerous ! This is not happening, Jacob Black ! You're still my son, and I will not let you do this !"

"But Dad –"

"NO ! This is not up for discussion !" Tears started streaming down my face "You're my son, you owe me your obedience. And I decide we get rid of what that vampire put in you !"

I shook my head and whispered "Then I will not be your son any more." Before silently going to the room I rarely shared with Seth, leaving my dad behind, livid. Just as I left, I heard him hiss "Filthy vampire !"

Tears still streaming, I picked up what meagre possessions I had left at home.

No, not home any more.

I quickly walked out, arms full with my stuff, and just before I left and slammed the door shut on my dad, I heard him clearly say "Don't think about coming back before you come to your senses and get that _thing_ out of you !"

* * *

Much too soon I was outside the mansion, filled with dread. With what had happened, I had completely forgotten about Emmett. Before my dad ruined my happiness, I had envisioned my Imprint happy with a son, but really I had no idea whether or not that was how he would react.

My arms still loaded with belongings, I shouldered the door open before striding up to the bedroom, praying that I wouldn't encounter anyone on the way. I was lucky until I pushed the bedroom door open, for Emmett was there, on his laptop.

"Hey, Jake ! I didn't expect you back so soon !" I didn't say anything; simply went to the couch and let all my clothes and memories fall there pell-mell. I knew I must have looked dreadful, it was probably obvious I had cried my eyes out.

"Jake, you alright ? What happened ? Why did you bring back everything you had at your dad's ? Is he ok ?"

I was too numb to say anything at first. I went to sit on the bed, cross-legged, sifting through my thoughts and emotions at light speed.

"Jake, you're freaking me out ..." I realized Emmett had been talking but I hadn't heard a single word. I also realized I had no idea how to break this to him. I needed to make him see this was great, but how ?

"I – I don't ... Look, I don't know how to say this."

Emmett frowned, and propped himself down facing me on the bed "Start at the beginning."

I took a deep breath and spoke quickly "Like I told you, I've had trouble phasing, and I've had stomach cramps the few times I did phase. Also, there's that mark on my collarbone that won't fade ..." I toyed with my collar, showing him the mark before carrying on, electing to break it to him like Dad had done to me "Dad said ... Dad said that I'm not the first male wolf to imprint on a guy. He reminded me that imprinting was to make sure your genes are carried down to the next generation with the best mate. So it seems I'm ... _pregnant._"

Saying Emmett was stunned was an understatement. He gaped with a half-smile, probably thinking I was jesting. I kept a very serious face, and after a long minute of silence his smile disappeared "You're ... what ?!"

"I'm pregnant." I squeaked. "With your son" I added, hoping to wake up some fatherly feelings in him.

He blinked a few times before stuttering "But – but you're a _guy_ ! You can't be – you – you can't be _pregnant_ !"

I squared my jaw. This was foreseeable... "Em', please don't freak out, I'm not the first male wolf to be, I'm sure it'll be perfectly –"

He cut me off, his voice harsh "So you're not joking, then ?"

"No." I said quickly, aware that we were arriving at the climax of our discussion.

"And you want to keep the baby." He stated.

"Yes." I confirmed. He started chewing on air, until there was a sinister _crack_, like he had broken one of his teeth.

"You are aware that this is probably a vampire foetus, and that like Bella you might not survive, right ?"

I fidgeted "Look, I've been having those ... dreams. I think it's the spirits of my Tribe that were giving me those. I'm sure it's a boy, and I'm sure it's a shifter."

He passed a hand through his hair which stood at ends, looking increasingly demented "So I'm supposed to take your word that you had dreams, and that they were premonitions of yours, that you're carrying a shifter, and that you'll be perfectly fine, is that it ?"

Only then did I realize how crazy it must sound to anyone unaware of native customs "Em', please trust me on this one ..."

"So you saw our son in the future, and you're feeling sure he is human ?"

Only then did it occur to me that I had never seen my son's human form. He was as white as a vampire when in wolf form, and he had golden eyes "Uh ..."

He nodded tersely, my hesitation providing him with the answer he sought. "Jake, I – I wish I could take your word for it, but ... This is your _life_ we're talking about !"

"I know, but Em', I can _feel _it ! You know what I mean ?"

"No." He deadpanned, before adding acidly "Sorry, I've never been pregnant, I can't say that I do."

"Em', haven't you wanted a son ? Don't you want a son with me ? Don't you see how lucky we are ?"

Emmett jumped off the bed and started striding back and forth in the room, agitated. After a horrible minute, he stopped and fixed his scowl on me "I have. When I was with Rose, our only wish was to have a child." He might as well have punched my diaphragm ... _'When I was with Rose'_

"So you wish I was Rosalie, is that it ?" I asked in a small voice, terrified he might say 'yes' and crush me completely.

"NO ! Of course not !" He started pacing again "God, Jake, no, never. I just... Look, I gave up on the idea of having a son _decades _ago ! And even if I did want to be a father, surely you can't think I would wish that gambling with your _life_ ?!"

I was slowly breaking on the inside "So you don't want to be a dad ?" I whispered.

"Not if it kills you, no."

I swallowed and nodded. Now came the decision, Emmett or the baby. I clenched my eyes closed, why did I have to choose between two parts of what made me, me ?

The bed tipped as my Imprint climbed back "Come here my angel." He brought me into a hug, probably one of the hugs I needed most since my mother died. "Jake, listen, I – I ... I have to try and convince you otherwise. I mean, there's nothing, _nothing_ that means more to me than you, I just can't let you take any risks." His usual perfectly level and calm voice started shaking "I love you, Jake, please, please don't do this." He choked up on those last words.

The path I had to follow was clear to me, though. Emmett meant the world to me, but this was my son we were talking about. Ultimately, my paternal instincts would win over my wolf's imprint. I clung to him desperately, knowing he would hate me for what I was going to say "I have to, Em'."

In a deadly whispered, he stuttered "O – ok."

My heart started hammering "Please stay with me Em', I can't do this alone. I know you said there would be no more second chances but I love you so much it hurts, I can't-"

"Ssssh, Jake. Of course I'm not going to leave. I won't lie though, I hate that you're doing this." His voice wasn't gentle.

Emmett pulled out of the cool hug, and turned his head away from me. I hated seeing him unhappy, and yet a part of me hated him for making me do this to us. A tiny part of me, but a part of me still.

I crushed that part of me, I promised myself a while ago that I would listen and try to understand. I didn't need to put myself in his shoes to understand what I was putting him through. We were both stuck in places we hated because of choices we made that we both hated.

"Jake ?" He asked, voice still shaking and head still turned away.

I reached for his shoulder, but he jumped off the bed again, still resolutely turned away towards the glass wall that displayed the dark of a winter night, a glimmer and a deathly silence only evidence of the thick layer of snow that coated the forest. "I need time. I want you to leave me alone."

"What ?" I asked, shocked, the air rushing out of my lungs.

"You heard me. Just go." As though in a trance, I crawled off the bed, collected a thing or two I'd need to try and find shelter for the night. I nearly took Emmett's car keys, but I didn't think he'd take well to me borrowing his car at that moment. Before I realized what was happening, I was standing outside the mansion, completely and utterly _lost_.

I couldn't go to Dad's, and I couldn't stay here. Leah and Seth lived with Dad, so I couldn't go to them either.

Charlie.

As improbable as it was, he was the only one I could turn to. I started off in the general direction of his place through the darkening woods. My stomach grumbled, I had spent the day crying on Dad's couch and hadn't eaten since breakfast. I was exhausted from the day's events.

I felt completely numb, as though the cold winter night was freezing my heart and preventing me from experiencing the emotions I should have been experiencing.

Still, I trudged through the heavy snow, feeling my way in the forest which soon became black as coal. My legs flamed up, screaming with protest every time I pried them loose from the snow. My heart battered wildly, trying to summon energy to my tiring limbs.

I shivered. Fuck it was cold out here !

I didn't allow my mind to dwell on Emmett's reaction, or Dad's for that matter. I never even got around to telling my Imprint about Dad ...

My teeth started chattering as the cold and snow seeped through my pants, quickly becoming wet. God, I couldn't remember ever feeling this cold ! What was happening ?!

After what felt like an eternity of trudging through the snow, I admitted that I was completely lost. Pregnant, shivering in the middle of a dark wood on a cold winter's night. Fucking stereotype.

I tried sitting down on something not snow-like to rest my legs, but stumbled and fell face first in the freezing snow. Yelping, I ploughed in the heavy snow to stand up again, and after a long fight I was able to sit my wet arse on whatever it was.

Now I was starting to worry. My cell had fallen somewhere in the snow but I had no idea where. I looked around, hopeful, but everything was pitch black.

I needed to force my wolf to come to me, I needed him to warm me up and lead me to Charlie's.

It took a lot of fighting, but I got him to the fore-front of my mind, and soon I growled, as a wolf.

Immediately afterwards though, I howled, the terrible stomach pain felt like a collection of daggers in my belly. Unable to keep it up I phased back, and I was naked, lying in the snow.

I quickly started shaking, rolling into a ball. "I'm sorry, Emmett." I whispered.

God I already missed him. And he hated me, I knew he did.

Slowly the cold faded away, which I took as a good sign, my wolf was probably starting to warm me up. And I felt sleepy, all I wanted was to fall asleep and forget all my problems, forget Emmett's voice when he begged me not to do this, forget his ravaged look before he turned away, forget his voice when he ordered me away.

I was alone, pregnant in the snow during a long winter's night, but it wasn't a stereotype, I was slowly dying and deep down I knew it. Not that it really mattered, I had already started dying on the inside when my Imprint told me to leave him alone.

Darkness engulfed me as hypothermia forcefully shut my body down.


	48. The Hour of the Living Dead 2

_**"If I die, find me a wife and tell her I love her !"  
**_

- Sid, _Ice Age: Continental Drift_

**_Important Note : _**I am warning everyone right now, this story will contain character deaths. I will not tell you who or when, that will be for you to find out. I will also tell you that the story ends happily. Therefore, please don't be surprised and angry when (not if) some of the vampires and some of the wolves die. Finally, let me say that Emmett and his son survive, but for the rest you'll have to read on and find out for yourselves !

**Warning : Heavy Angst  
**

* * *

**Chapter XLVIII : THE HOUR OF THE LIVING DEAD 2  
**

* * *

At first, I wasn't even able to comprehend everything that Jake had told me. I felt like I was waiting for him to barge back in the room exclaiming 'APRIL FOOL'S !' which, of course, didn't happen.

Up until this point, everything had slowly been getting better. Jacob was being a real sweetheart, a bit hesitant in the few weeks after our December-fight, but he quickly became confident again. Then there was the awesome Christmas and New Year, no doubt the best ones in _years_ ! I couldn't remember enjoying those days nearly as much with Rose ...

Of course the whole thing with Bella tainted it a bit, but honestly I was so happy to have gotten the nice Jacob back that I couldn't bring myself to care, really.

Then Jake had fought Sam. For some reason I hadn't been really worried, well, maybe a bit, but I didn't let it show. I knew it was something Jake needed to do, so I more or less gritted my teeth and trusted my boy. He was much stronger than Sam, thankfully, and in that moment I was prouder of him than I could express. He had grown from this awkward bumbling kid traipsing across London with me to a fully grown man. Of late, he had impressed me. To be honest, I had doubted he would be able to turn it around after the club incident, but he had. He had done more than that, actually.

I sighed. Why couldn't it last ? Why did it never last ?

Jacob. Pregnant.

How the hell was that even possible ?! And why the fuck didn't he know it was possible ?!

As stupid-arse as it could sound, we could have used protection or something ! Now I had gotten him knocked up, and I felt like a complete fucker.

21st Century Drama, the gay vampire gets his male gay wolf pregnant. Yeah, they did a lot of progress with genetics since last century, didn't they ?

God, I felt so horrible. I had no idea what Jake was going through, and whatever he was going through, it was my fault. I was puzzled at the fact that he didn't hate me, I knew I might have, had I been in his shoes.

Then there was the fact that he acted like Bella '_the baby is a benediction, Emmett. I'm sure you wouldn't mind me dying to get a son, right ?_'. Of course not, why would I mind ?

I knew he cared about my opinion, but for some reason, he and Bella thought making the decisions by themselves was much better. Why ? What didn't I understand what he did ? What made him so _sure_, what drove him to be so bloody ... suicidal ?!

He'd asked whether or not I wanted to be father. My first thought had been: _me, father, seriously ? Have you met me ?_

I mean, sure, I was old and all, but still barely past teen age in looks, and maybe not that far ahead in spirit.

Still, though, I couldn't deny it was something I had longed for. But that was ages ago ! When I was married to Rose, when we were happy and looking to our future ! When I was married to a _woman_ ! How could he spring this on me and expect me to be giddy with joy ?

_Oh yeah, Emmett, by the way, your boyfriend is pregnant. Great, isn't it ?_

A child is planned, for God's sake ! A child is something you work for ! A child is something you expect !

Well, not always, but still that's how I saw it !

_Honey, let's make children _

– _Of course, my love._

Fuck's sake !

I strode around the room quickly, all my thoughts jumbled. Guilt at instigating all this, dread at what might happen to Jake, anger at his stubbornness ...

And under it all, there were two other feelings I couldn't ignore. One part of me was thrilled. Dad. Me ! This was a unique chance for me to have a son, or a daughter, whichever ! Sub-consciously, my mind had already filled the gaps. If it was a boy, I'd want him called Will. Or maybe EJ, Emmett Jacob ... No, that was too arrogant. If it was a girl, I'd want her called Mary. We would have a large house for our child to roam freely, without need to worry about wolves or vampires.

But that wasn't the only hidden feeling. There was a much darker one. A tiny part of me couldn't help but ask questions. _What if, like your parents, you're blind to your child's suffering ? What if, like your uncle, you destroy that child ? What if you fuck up ?_

I shivered. I couldn't ever allow that to happen.

I sighed again. And now I had done the worst, I had left Jake alone to deal with this. I should have been there to support him, no matter his decision, but no, fucking proud Emmett had kicked him out of his own room. Way to go to make him feel at home, arsehole !

Someone knocked on the door. "Yes ?" I answered wearily.

Bella peaked in "Hey, do you know when Jake will get back ? I need his help with something."

"Can I help, Jake has stuff to deal – Wait ! What ? What'd you mean 'when will Jake get back' ?" My thoughts had gone to save Jake the trouble of whatever she needed help with before I even registered what she was implying.

She frowned "Well, he left an hour ago ..." She said cautiously.

_He left an hour ago ? _But – but why ? Where ? "D'you know where he went ?!"

Her frown deepened "Uhh, thought you would ... He looked weird though."

His dad. He had to have gone to his dad. I blurred to my cell and called the Black Residence immediately.

"Billy Black." Answered the gruff voice after it rang for a while.

"Hello, Billy, it's Emmett I –"

"You listen to me ! You got Jake into this, you better fix it QUICKLY ! And if he asked you to apologize in his stead you can tell my son I won't change my mind. He doesn't come back here with that _thing_ you planted into him !" With that the line went dead.

My eyes travelled to Jake's meagre belongings, the ones he had when he came back from his dad. A flash of Jake coming back, looking drained, dried tears staining his cheeks, and his unwillingness to tell me why he had all his stuff with him.

Billy kicked Jake out.

So where had Jake gone ?!

A quick look told me my car keys were still where I had left them. A blur to the garage told me no car was missing.

Where could he have gone in this weather without a car ?! And why did he leave ? Was I too hard ?

_I want you to leave me alone_, was what I told him. He must have taken it literally !

What had I done ?!

Dread was filling me as I stood in the garage, clenching my cell. I realized I hadn't even tried calling Jake's cell, but it clicked to the answer machine without even ringing.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I had kicked Jake out, and he had nowhere to go ! He could freeze to death in this weather !

I started freaking out. I blurred to the entrance, taking a large whiff, trying to identify Jake's scent. Nothing.

Go-od !

Jake ! Please let him be alright, please, please, please !

I blurred around the house, trying to get a sense of his smell, and after a horrifyingly long time, I picked up on it. Without losing another second I scrambled to follow the trail.

His traces seemed new, and with both my speed and vampire sight, I quickly reached my Jake.

Had my heart been beating, it would have stopped in that instant.

Jake was lying naked in the snow. His lips were blue, as were his feet and hands. He was lying perfectly still, and no heat was radiating from him, nor was his heart beating. Ice was clinging to him like a cold corpse, and I lost precious seconds trying to get my brain to work. His clothes were shredded around him, he must have tried to phase with only mitigated success.

I stood, unable to summon the will to move for another few precious seconds, before acting. I scooped him up and ran faster than I ever had back to the mansion, which I reached in a few seconds.

I was in the en-suite bathroom within less than a second, and led my beautiful ... my beautiful lifeless love in the tub, before turning the water on as hot as possible.

Then I went through with of the most gruesome tasks of my long life. Delicately, I got all the ice away from Jake's perfect body using the hot water, rubbing him vigorously in the process, desperate to coax life back into him. His hair was frozen in place, as though my lover was a body having stayed too long in ice. Which was terrifyingly true.

I washed his hair clean of ice and snow, trying my best not to panic at the icy cold temperature of his skin. I continued rubbing him all over, spraying as much hot water onto him as possible.

Gradually his stance relaxed, as though his flesh had thawed, his feet grew to an angry red, just as his hands did. His perfect lips stayed desperately blue, however.

"Come on, Jake, come on, you can't be dead. Come on, you've got to live for our son, remember ? Come on, Jake." I continued to babble prayers, warming him up as much as possible, trying not to freak out each time I felt his lack of pulse.

The water in the tub was turning red due to the tears I was shedding when I made absolutely no progress.

"Jake, please, come on, you've got to come back to me. Remember what you said ? You said I was stuck with you until I sent you away. Well, I haven't sent you away. Come back me !"

I fought against sobs, I fought for my sanity as I continued to rub his chest, pressing down on his heart in a simulacra of vascular massage. "Please, Jake, I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. JAKE ! Come on ! I love you ! God, come back to me !"

I felt I was slowly losing it. I felt my mind tipping into the swirling chaos that was madness. I felt my whole gravity shift as the centre of my universe was slowly growing extinct, but I fought to anchor myself to my Jacob. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be !

I slowed my movements.

It was pointless.

Jake was ... He had ... I had killed him, him and our unborn son.

My hand rested over his heart.

For a split second, I was horribly tempted to bite into his neck and try a last attempt at reviving him, but I knew he would hate it, and would never forgive me for it.

Tears streaming down my face, I let my hand roam over to his face, stroking his cheek, which was now warm, warm but lifeless. Cupping his head like I had done so many times, I remembered the kisses we had shared.

And just as I my hand trailed on his neck, on his muscular, powerful, masculine neck, I felt it.

It was faint, but it was there.

A tiny pulse !

Elated, I picked my Jacob up and dried him off in but a second before resting him on our bed, and covering him with all the covers I could gather in less than five seconds. When I was certain he was insulated from the biting cold of the mansion, I started rubbing his chest through the covers.

I don't know how long I was at it, and I didn't care. My arms couldn't hurt with the effort, so I rubbed, and I rubbed, and I rubbed.

Sometimes I moved down to rub his thighs, or his feet, to make sure every single limb was kept hot.

I was at it for an eternity. Every second felt like days, and every minute felt like years of my long life.

I kept checking for his pulse, which wasn't growing stronger, but was still very much present.

"Come on, Jake, you can do this. Come on, come on, you've got to come back and kick my arse for what I did. Come on, come on, I want to hear you yell at me for doing this to you. Come on, come on."

I repeated '_Come on, come on'_ into the night like a mantra that would ultimately save my perfect beloved Quileute wolf.

At one point, I could have sworn he twitched !

Eventually though, I stopped. A glance at the night-stand told me it was 2 AM. Jake was burning up, and he had started sweating. From time to time, he'd snap his head to the left or to the right, frowning as though in pain.

I was out of charted waters here. I knew to warm up someone who was freezing cold, but this was Carlisle's domain; so I blurred out of the room and yelled "CARLISLE !"

As none of us yelled unless there was an emergency, he was in front of me before I had the time to do anything else, and followed me as I returned to Jake.

He immediately went into doctor mode "Tell me exactly what happened."

"I found him passed out in the snow, I warmed him up in the bath, before bringing him to bed." I droned, feeling completely numb. Too many emotions were threatening to spill, I had to stay focused on getting Jake better before anything else.

Carlisle's precise gestures betrayed his experience, two fingers to Jake's forehead, another one to his ganglial lymph, before he bared Jake's chest and felt the lymph nodes under his arms and finally pressed a cool hand to Jake's heart.

"He's got an infection and his temperature is much too high. I need you to dry him from all this sweat, change the sheets and cool him down using your body. I'll give him an intravenous injection of antibiotics and something to get his fever down. Once he starts cooling down you need to make sure he stays warm enough." With that he disappeared and I didn't lose a second.

Fetching a towel, I dried Jacob's drenched body as well as possible considering he wasn't conscious. I then ripped the wet sheets off and put on new ones, making sure to disturb Jacob as little as possible. Then I stripped down to my boxers, put a pair on my lover to protect his intimacy before lying down on him, covering as much of his large frame as possible.

Meanwhile Carlisle returned with a syringe and a glass full of something fizzy. It didn't take long to make the injection, but it took longer to coax the drink down Jake's throat.

Once this was done, Carlisle said "Don't let him get cold, as soon as his temperature starts dropping wrap him back up in the quilts. You need to keep him hydrated too, so I'll be back with water. Call me if he flames up again."

My 'father' disappeared for a second before returning with two large bottles of cool water. Just as he left for the third time though, I muttered a thanks. "No need to thank me Emmett, but you will have to tell me what happened."

I nodded, and he blurred away, closing the door as he did.

I stayed on Jake for a while. It was hard to tell when I should get off him, particularly as I wasn't exactly used to this non-boiling-hot Jacob. When I thought he was cool enough though, I clambered away and covered him with the sheets again. I tried sitting down on the couch, but before long I was up and about, striding in the room. I tried sitting down at my desk, but there was nothing I could do while 99% of my mind was fixated on Jacob's condition.

I did take a quick shower, but mostly to avoid Jacob seeing me with red tear-stained cheeks and shirt. After that I laid down next to my love, hating every minute of being a vampire for the very first time. I couldn't hold him, I couldn't even touch him as I feared to freeze him up again, now that his wolf wasn't providing heat. From time to time I coaxed water into him, massaging his throat to make him swallow.

At some point when morning had arrived, Jake had started groaning in pain and mumbling things. I immediately called Carlisle who gave Jacob another drug to lower fever. He noted that Jake might wake up feverish and delusional, and not to worry if he said anything hurtful in his sleep.

Jake mumbled a great deal. Not much was intelligible though, but the little that was slowly tore my heart in two.

"Emmett ..."

"Help ... Emmett ..."

"NO ! ... son ... NO ! ... Don't take ... son !"

"Emmett ... love ... I'm sorry ..."

"Dad ... Please ... Don't take my son ! Please ..."

He even started crying in his sleep "Please ! I'm sorry ! Please !" Whatever nightmare he was having, it was terrifying. His perfect face was torn into a mask of terror and pain, something I had never seen on his face.

Jacob slept for two days, occasionally waking up in fits of fever. At some point I confessed part of the truth to Carlisle, leaving out the bit on why he and I had argued, thinking it wasn't my place to talk about Jacob's pregnancy.

On the second evening, my lover's eyes fluttered open, but I didn't react, it wasn't the first time. Only when he raised his head and started looking around, blinking, did I realize he might be waking up "Jake ?" I asked cautiously.

His eyes were unfocused, and it seemed it took him a lot of effort to bear down on me, he blinked a few times, before letting his head fall back down heavily on the cushion. I hesitated between jumping onto him or giving him some space. I chose a middle way, coming to sit next to him on the bed but not overwhelming him. "Jake ?" I repeated, whispering.

"Yeah." He said in a very hoarse voice.

"You ok ?"

"Who danced on my chest ?"

"Uh ... That might have been me. Your heart kind of stopped, and I got desperate..." He nodded, as though his heart stopping was old news.

I waited for him to say something else, but the silence stretched uncomfortably, so after a while I started ploughing "Jake ? I – I'm sorry about .. Well, everything I said. I was a real dick, I'm so sorry. And I never _ever_ meant you should leave the house. I'm sorry, God Jake..." I choked up on the last words, unable to continue as the emotions I had contained so far came crashing back.

"What happened ?" He asked with the same voice, dead and hoarse.

"Bella came in asking where you'd gone. I figured out what happened and followed your scent. Found you lying naked in the snow, and for a moment, I thought – I thought –" finally I couldn't keep away anymore, so I crept under the quilt and tried to get my love to at least look at me.

"Please don't hate me, Jake, I know I totally flipped out, I know I messed up, please let's just talk it out, _please_ ?"

"I don't – I don't feel so good ..." He moaned out, before letting a short breath and going still.

A cold sense of foreboding crept up my limbs. "Jake ? JAKE ?!" I threw the covers out of the way, and discovered with horror that his heart had stopped again.

"NO ! NOT NOW !" I roared.


	49. It's Alright, Jake

_**"I can set you free**_

_**-My freedom was forfeit long ago."**_

- Davy Jones, _Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End_

**Warning : Heavy Angst  
**

* * *

**Chapter IL: "IT'S ALRIGHT, JAKE"  
**

* * *

I woke up, and again it felt like someone had been tap dancing on my chest. I felt a bit better than the first time I woke up, but just as annoyingly weak. Carlisle and Emmett were towering above me, eyeing me with great concern.

"What happened ?" I managed to mumble.

"You went into cardiac arrest." The doctor answered matter-of-factly, before he added "Your chest is probably hurting, but that's normal, Emmett's cardiac massage was a bit ... desperate. I'd say your wolf will take care of it, but it seems your wolf is nowhere to be seen." Carlisle pursed his lips, glared at his 'son' and turned on his heels, darting out.

Emmett was sitting on the bed next to me, his face marred with worry, biting his lip which cracked repeatedly before healing. "Carlisle said I should try to get food into you, but I doubt you feel like eating right now..." I shook my head imperceptibly, grinning inwardly at my Imprint's perceptiveness.

After a silence, he asked "How do you feel ?"

I groaned "Well, my chest is caving in; other than that, much better." Was all I managed to say, my voice still as hoarse and my throat smarting.

He nodded, before resuming with the cracking of his lip. I took a while to collect my breath, before asking "Can I have something to drink ?"

"Yes, of course !" Emmett exclaimed immediately, dashing away, before returning with a bottle of cold water which alone was enough to make me salivate. He helped me to a few gulps, and I grunted gratefully. I cleared my throat before shifting uncomfortably, I was much too hot.

"Can I get a lighter cover ?" I asked hopefully, aware that Emmett would probably run to China to get me a fresh mango if I asked nicely at that moment. My Imprint didn't answer but dashed to the adjacent dressing room where he kept all manners of clothes and cloth, before reappearing with the perfect quilt, which he hastily swapped for the one on the bed.

I snuggled into it, feeling the excess of heat seeping out already "Mmh, thanks ..."

Emmett continued cracking his lip until I said "We should probably talk..."

"Do you feel up to it ?" I nodded and sat up somewhat while he plopped down on the bed next to me.

"Listen …" we said at the same time, before chuckling nervously. "You first !" I prompted him.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry for flipping out like I did, I feel terribly for making you think you had to leave, I feel even worse knowing you had nowhere to go, and I was ready to rip my heart out and stick it into you when I found you in the forest." Everything was said in one breath, eyes downcast. He took a deep breath before carrying on "I saw you lying there, and I was _so_ scared, I can't remember feeling anywhere this terrified since I was turned." A red teardrop fell onto his lap and my heart lurched, but he ploughed on "Then your heart stopped a second time a little while ago ... God, Jake" he looked up at me "Don't _ever_, EVER scare me like that again, if you scare me like that again, I swear I'll - I'll" He shook his head "I'll buy you a collar like Rose did and I'll keep you at arm's length with that leash."

I wonder if knew I was aware that there was no mention of my pregnancy... Nonetheless, Emmett looked ready to have a breakdown, so I didn't think it was the best time to bring that up. To be fair, if I had been in his shoes, I would probably have broken down earlier. From what he had said, I had apparently almost died in the snow, before almost dying a second time. And I guessed he had had to unfreeze me, and do a whole lot of other dreadful things.

Knowing I had almost died didn't affect me much. On the other hand, seeing Emmett wring his hands, crack his lip all the while staring fixedly at his lap, a tear trickling down his cheek every other second was tearing my heart apart. I took a good look at him, his hair was standing out, his cheeks were stained in red, his eyes looked injected with blood where they weren't pitch black, his skin was bordering on translucent.

"Please hug me." I managed to stutter. It wasn't easy to avoid breaking down myself because of my Imprint's appearance. Even when he had told me about his childhood or when we were at the club he hadn't looked like _this_.

With a _whoosh_ of air, we were together again, hugging. Tear drops trickled down my back as my Imprint cried in my arms, before he started downright sobbing. I clenched my eyes closed and munched on my lip, trying to keep it together for his sake. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He kept repeating, cut out by sobs.

I couldn't remember ever hearing Emmett sob. Crying he had done a few times, but sobbing, never. Any remaining resentment vanished immediately, and at that moment my pregnancy was the last thing on my mind; which in itself was a feat seeing as it had been on the forefront of my mind since the discussion with Dad.

"It's alright, Emmett." I said soothingly as soon as I was sure I could talk without crying myself.

"NO it's not ! You almost – you almost – oh God ..." He was becoming incoherent, and I was growing increasingly concerned with his mental state.

I swallowed thickly, before trying a different technique "Shhhh ... I'm here ... Calm down ..." He started gripping me tighter in his embrace.

It took almost an hour to calm my Imprint down. At that moment I wished he could sleep, and I wished I could watch over him all night long. When he stopped sobbing, I deemed it safe to say a few things I needed to get off my chest "I love you, Emmett. I'm sorry I scared you, and I'm sorry I up and left... It's just, with what happened with Dad, the whole impossible pregnancy, it fucked with my mind, I couldn't think straight. It's not your fault, Em', it's no one's fault. I knew you would flip out, and who could blame you ? Your male lover isn't supposed to get pregnant, even less to like it." I let my words sink in for a second.

I pried my Imprint off me to get a good look at his face while I carried on "What happened happened because of a collection of consequences, alright ? You don't need to be sorry, or anything. I love you, Em', and I just want to put this behind us, but I'm still pregnant and we can't ignore that."

Emmett sniffed before wiping his eyes and smiling wetly "Sorry I lost it like that, it was just too much."

"I know how it feels, trust me."

He smiled again, but it quickly wavered "Look, Jake ... I – I can't say I like you wanting to keep that child ... Particularly with you coming so close to ... _dying_ ..." He swallowed and ploughed on "But I get it means a lot to you, so I promise I'll try to put my worries aside as much as possible and enjoy this with you. You're just going to have to give me some time to digest the fact that my boyfriend is carrying my son."

I smiled, reaching out to stroke his cold cheek "I couldn't have hoped for better. I can't ask you to forget your worries, but I thought we could ask Carlisle to examine me, see what he has to say about it. We can discuss all this again when he has given his professional opinion, 'k ? If it's not looking good, then I promise I'll seriously think about changing my mind."

"Thanks." Emmett whispered, looking much happier. We stayed unmoving a little while, savouring the restored peace.

"I think I should get some sleep, and try to eat something tomorrow..." Emmett nodded at that, before taking a deep steadying breath and standing up. He went to fetch the heavier cover, and I was about to protest until his intent became clear. He stripped down to his underwear and threw the lighter quilt away, then he came to lie next to me and threw the other cover over us.

For once he snuggled into my embrace, and although I would have preferred the security of his strong arms, I wouldn't dream of denying him the comfort. I fell asleep like that, my chest hurting but my heart healed.

* * *

I woke up, Emmett still in my arms – somehow that felt really weird. The few times he had gone to bed in my arms, I had found a way to snake myself into his embrace during the night. "You know, I really wish I could fall asleep." Emmett said wistfully. I didn't know what to answer to that, so I stayed silent, it was true that going to bed could be a real blessing ...

"If at least I could take sleeping pills or have someone knock me out cold I wouldn't complain." He carried on, but I still didn't know what to say. I couldn't even fathom the consequences of not sleeping; he must have been brooding over our last discussion all night ! And every time we argued, he couldn't just shut it off like I did, he had to keep re-playing our arguments 24/7 ...

God.

Why hadn't I thought about that before ? That shed a whole new light on the drama of almost two months ago ! I swallowed, realizing I wouldn't have put up with myself had I been Emmett, before kissing his white, cold shoulder. "I love you, Em'." I said, resolving to always make sure my Imprint didn't have anything to brood over before I fell asleep.

He twisted in my embrace so as to face me, and kissed my mouth delicately "Me too, Jake, I love myself." He declared, grinning, before adding "Almost as much as I love you."

I chuckled, wondering if he really loved himself that much. The previous night he had been pitiless when accusing himself of all the wrongs of the world ... Maybe a whole night of thinking changed that. I closed my eyes, I have _got_ to remember Emmett didn't sleep, I absolutely needed to make sure my Imprint was alright ! That was my fucking job as Imprinter, a job I had been totally lame at in past months ! Considering that I was turning a deaf ear to my Imprint's pleas about the pregnancy, I had to do a better job keeping him happy. If I had learnt one thing, it was that ignoring or refusing to listen and understand did much more damage in the long term than yelling or insulting.

"Em', I know you're not happy about the baby, but I want you to know that it's not that I don't care about what you think." I blurted out, realizing too late it was completely out of the blue and killing the cuddly mood. I added in but a whisper "I love you so much, I need you to know that, I'd do anything, _everything_ to keep you happy. And I know I was a real dick not so long ago, but-" I shook my head, at a loss of words to express what I needed to get out of me.

Emmett frowned "What is it, Jake ? What are you worried about ?"

I managed to creep into his arms, so he was the one holding me "It's just, last time I was destroying everything without even realizing it, and I'm so scared of doing it again ... I was so near to driving you away, I could see the hesitation in your eyes when I asked for forgiveness ! I still feel _so_ badly, and I know you hate my decision, so I just need to say that I love you so fucking mu-uch and beg you to pin me down and yell and shake me and punch me and do anything you need to do if I'm a dick again and you can't get through my thick skull !" I was slightly out of breath after saying all of that as quickly as possible. I pressed myself tighter against my Imprint, head tucked under his chin.

He was silent for a while, before he said slowly, choosing his words carefully "We both made mistakes, Jake, that's how we learn. I'm your first serious relationship, you were bound to make mistakes, you couldn't have gotten it all right on the first try. It's like me, I stepped into completely unknown territory when you came to me a few days ago saying you were pregnant. The important thing is that we love each other, and we give each other second chances because of it, all right ?"

I nodded, letting out a deep breath. I loved that he always knew what to say ... "I love you." I said meekly.

We stayed in bed a long time, before my stomach grumbled and Emmett decided it was well overdue that I got some food into me. He suggested bringing something up, but I was starting to feel restless, so I told him I'd join him downstairs as quickly as possible. Once he left, I stretched in the empty bed, before sitting up. I felt weak, but I was confident food would change that.

A long shower later, I was trudging down the stairs heavily, my head slightly dizzy. When I got there, Rose, Bella, Edward and Emmett were already there, Bella and Rosalie in deep conversion, Edward was brooding while my Imprint was whistling lowly, probably on another planet while preparing a hearty brunch. Cooking seemed to him what sleeping was to me, he'd stop thinking and just let go. At least, I thought wryly, I gave him a reason to cook in addition to headaches at night.

Edward frowned, and I guessed he had been reading my thoughts. Suddenly, I wondered what he had picked up on.

Actually, I realized I had no fucking clue what Emmett had told the others ! Carlisle probably knew, but what about the rest ? What had my Imprint told them ?

"Nothing." Edward mumbled. God I hated this mind reading thing !

He smirked before adding "Yeah, he thought it'd be up to you to say whatever you wanted, or that at the very least you should be with him."

"Really ?" I asked, turning to Emmett, grinning. His perceptiveness always kind of surprised me, I knew many took him for a dumb jock, but they couldn't be more wrong.

Emmett, who apparently had been listening to every word, turned to me, with a fond smile "Of course. Come and sit, I'm almost done !

Bella's and my stomach grumbled right on cue, and for a split second I wrestled with a spark of jealousy; I didn't want to share my Imprint's cooking ! Selfish, but now that I was carrying his son, Emmett was _mine_, even more so than before. Really, after acting like an unfeeling slut for past months I had no lessons to give, but I couldn't help how I felt.

Anyway, sharing his cooking was fine. Well, almost.

"So, Jake, what happened ?" Bella asked "Emmett was a Cerberus in front of your door for the last days !"

I mulled over the question for a while, debating how to best answer the question. "I got really sick. I'm – uh ... I'm pregnant."

"You're what ?" she asked in a conversational tone, probably thinking she'd heard wrong.

"Pregnant." She didn't react right away, it took a while for the words to sink in. Rose was frowning, probably thinking I was making fun of her protégée, and Edward looked utterly bored. Emmett, on the other hand, was looking resolutely down at his pan, probably hoping to be excluded from the conversation.

Bella snorted "You're not funny, Jake. I know you don't love that I'm-"

Edward cut her off "It's not a joke, Bella. However it is possible I don't know, but he really _is_ pregnant. It seems you're going to have a friend to join you, just as I am." Edward turned to Emmett, hiding his satisfied smirk at having a 'brother' in the same predicament with difficulty.

"Ok ..." Bella said, unbelieving.

Rosalie's reaction was a bit more interesting "So you understand why Bella wants her baby, is that it ?" I nodded, feeling we should steer this conversation towards less dangerous waters. Emmett had made it clear he would need time to get used to all this.

Bella, unfortunately, wasn't very perceptive "So Emmett knocked you up, did he ?"

I clearly saw my Imprint clench his jaw from behind, and I glared at her "You can be so romantic, Bells. And anyway, you should talk for yourself."

"Em', what do you think about it ?" Rosalie cut off before Bella could retort. God, good thing Alice and Jasper were still travelling or this could have been even easier ...

He whipped around, the contents of the frying pan very nearly flying all over the kitchen, before grumbling "I think breakfast is ready." He let the pan fall loudly onto the kitchen table and I had to make an effort not to roll my eyes, couldn't he have at least _tried_ to make it look like he was happy about it ?

He had prepared bacon, scrambled eggs, a mountain of toasts and freshly pressed carrot and apple juice. Bella and I dug in gratefully, while the three vampires eyed each other wearily. Rosalie was irritated with the two men on principle, Edward was pissed off with Rosalie since it all started and was irritated with Emmett for not taking his side, while Emmett seemed to want to be left alone.

* * *

Days inched by, and slowly it got easier. I got round to telling Alice and Jasper when they returned about a week later, and both of them seemed quite happy about it, though Jasper might have been a bit indifferent. Esme worried but didn't make too much of a fuss about it.

Energy slowly came back to me – who knew it could take that long to come back from the dead ? Emmett and I were a bit overly polite towards each other, aware that we still were somewhat at odds. I think we both waited for Carlisle to do his bit before really making up our minds.

About a week and a half after all the drama (ie. nine weeks after conception), we decided it was time. I had gotten all my energy back, and we only delayed because we each feared to hear what we didn't want to hear. Nonetheless, we decided that it was well overdue, so one day Emmett went to talk to Carlisle.

I stayed in the bedroom, deciding to leave them a bit of privacy. They soon reappeared though.

Emmett came to sit next to me on the couch while Carlisle spread all the stuff he had brought with him. "Right," He said when he was done "I'm going to take a blood sample, I would also need a urine sample, and tomorrow I should have the results. Depending on what I get, we'll probably do an ultrasound, and anything else that might be needed. I don't know anything about a male wolf getting pregnant, so it's all going to be empirical, I'm afraid."

He took the samples he needed and left. I sighed. "I can't wait for this to be over." I muttered. Being a test subject really sucked.

Emmett was sitting next to me, rather stiffly, and silent. I _really_ couldn't wait for this to be over.

I barely talked to my Imprint that day, nor the following day. He didn't come to bed that night, either, and I couldn't help but remember bitterly all his talk about being supportive. True, he had greatly improved since that disastrous morning in the kitchen. Somehow, that episode had spurted him to help, and after that he had stayed glued to my hip or back and snapped at anyone who wasn't nice to me. I have to admit, that side of my Imprint was weird, but not unpleasant. After everything that happened, having Emmett on my side had made a great deal of difference. Still, either it had all been for the show, or these tests brought worry back to the forefront of this mind...

* * *

The following day, Emmett and I were in the bedroom, watching a movie, but neither of us could quite focus on the screen. We both jumped when Carlisle knocked on the door and asked us over to his study/exam room.

"Jake, please take your shirt off and lie down on the table." He said. I fumbled with my shirt, nervous as hell. This was really weird... really, really weird. Emmett was standing far away, propped against a wall with his arms crossed. Not helping ...

Carlisle lubricated my stomach, which made me blush furiously, before starting with the ultrasound. Soon, a black and white image of the inside of my stomach appeared on the screen. I honestly couldn't make any sense out of it, but the doctor was peering at it closely, obviously understanding everything he saw.

That went on for a while. Slowly my hands unclenched and I relaxed; my Imprint, however, stayed in the same position during the whole time.

I don't know how long Carlisle poked his device at my belly, but after a while he turned to us and started explaining what he had seen.

"So, it seems the baby isn't a vampire, seeing as the ultrasounds can penetrate to the fetus, as opposed to Bella's. However, the blood analysis revealed unknown peptides... I can't be sure exactly what it means, but I can take an educated guess. When a human is bitten by a vampire, the venom, a viral peptide, infects every single cell in the host and freezes them. Some parts remain liquid, namely secreted liquids like venom, tears, saliva or semen. I've studied all of these, and the cells show an additional chromosome. The unknown peptides in your blood and urine, Jake, show this additional chromosome, but you also have all the markers of a human pregnancy, which Bella doesn't have. My best guess is that you have some hybrid fetus, for lack of a better word.

"I took the liberty of analyzing your DNA quickly, Jake, and you have a set of genes I've never seen before, which _might_ be the shifter genes. The fetus also has them, so there is a good chance he'll be able to phase. I'm guessing that your wolf destroyed almost everything vampiric about this fetus but for some reason a few elements were left out. You said that you believed conception was nine weeks ago, and from what I can see your fetus looks like a normal nine week fetus. He's about thirty millimetres big so far, which is normal for a fetus of that age. I won't be able to tell the sex before a while though, unless I extract a few cells, but that would be much too risky at this stage.

"Women all show at different stages, but I'm guessing that won't work the same for you. You see, women's muscles are made to be stretched easily, while you still obviously have a man's muscles. This means you might not show before a very late stage, so don't worry about that. I would say it's normal, but nothing about this is normal. I'm guessing you'll have to wait at least sixteen weeks, if not more. It depends on many things.

"Now, it seems you've kept all male organs, but your body simply shuffled a bit to make space for the baby. I can't see anything that looks like women's genital organs, so in case you're worried, I'm sure you'll stay entirely male all along. Now, I'm not sure at all, but it's very probable this will be your only pregnancy. Of course I can't tell for sure, seeing as your body seems to be able to change at will, but I can't see any eggs for fertilisation anywhere, nor can I see the hormones they need in your blood. I have absolutely no idea how Emmett's semen made its way to the egg, because I can't see any trace of a tract or path for that. This means that sexual intercourse is perfectly safe during the pregnancy, just make sure the baby doesn't get too jumbled around when you start showing.

"Now, here's where the bad news come. The baby will have to come out by C-section, which means I will have to open your belly to get the baby out. I suspect the process will be made much easier than in women, because I doubt Quileutes decades ago could have survived the process otherwise. I'm guessing your wolf will help in some way, but I have no idea which. If you could ask your dad for any information, it would really help me. I don't know either how we will know when the baby is ready to come out, seeing as you obviously can't have contractions like a pregnant woman can.

"I'm guessing you will 'deliver' around June/July, and here's where I'm really worried. Your tests show low blood sugar. Now, I know that you just had quite a trauma, but it's been over a week now and that should have been back to normal. If the baby is anything like Bella's, then it means you will run low on energy very quickly. The thing is, while she only has to survive four months, you have to survive nine. I know shifters are made to have babies, but probably not vampiric ones. We will have to monitor the situation closely, and you" he poked a finger at me "will have to make sure you eat a LOT of calories. Try not to run around too much or exhaust yourself, either.

"I'm also worried that your wolf might have some sort of a reaction at having a vampire fetus growing in your belly, but I can't foresee anything nor can I do anything about it. I can't even be sure it will happen ! Now, if you ask me, I have to say this baby isn't a good idea, Jacob, I'm sorry. If it had been a human fetus I wouldn't have objected, but your sugar levels really were quite low, and the fetus has yet to start growing ! I can help with your intake of calories, but I have no way of knowing if the baby will absorb more calories than you can eat before the delivery and kill you trying to feed. You have the same problem as Bella, I'm worried you might not make it until the delivery ... But I can't tell anything for sure, and I'll let you and Emmett decide."

He continued by showing us the fetus on the screen, and despite everything he had just said, I grinned to myself seeing the tiny spot on the screen. Emmett, on the other hand, wasn't grinning. His face was neutral, and it looked like it was an effort to look at the screen. I didn't allow it to dampen my spirits though.

Carlisle tidied my stomach up before letting me put my T-shirt on. Emmett and I returned to the bedroom. I was biting my lower lip, mulling over everything the doctor had just told us. My Imprint shut the door loudly, and I sighed. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew what he wanted ... And I did promise him to seriously think about it ...

Emmett slumped down into the couch, looking downright gloomy.

I started feeling really badly. The tiny spot on the screen had filled me with a desire to hold my son in my arms, a desire I didn't know if I could quench ... Still, now I knew the risks, and I didn't know if I could ask my love to stay with me during all that might happen.

"Em' ?" I asked, unsure what to say, or do. I plopped down next to him on the large comfortable couch, sitting on one of my legs so I was turned towards him.

He didn't answer immediately, he looked like he was brooding. After some time, looking straight ahead, he asked "What do you think ?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. Carlisle's direct words had kind of thrown me, but then again ... I added "I – I really want this."

"I knew you were going to say that." He mumbled, before standing up and making to leave.

"Emmett, wait !" I cried out, worriedly. Where was he going ? Did he think we were done discussing?

He turned around, looking both angry and sad "What for ? You made up your mind, that's pretty obvious, you made it up a long time ago. Be honest, is there anything I could tell you that would make you change your mind ?! Because I think whatever I say you're going through with this. I won't say you don't care about what I think, because I don't think that's true. But what am I supposed to do, uh ? The only way of not making you do this is by some twisted blackmail that would only make things worse, and that's not me anyway. So, come on, be honest, tell me if there is even a remote chance of me even making you budge."

I wanted to scream out 'Yes !' but he deserved at the very least complete honesty "No ... I can't give up my son."

"See ?" He sneered "I knew it." He turned his back to me "Good night, I'm going out."

My insides twisted, this was a horrible déjà vu "No !" I jumped up and grabbed his elbow before he could leave. "Please, Emmett, I know it's hard, but please. I feel in my bones it's going to be alright. Please, I've seen what the future looks like, please stay with me, I can't do it without you..."

He jerked his elbow out of my grip before turning to me. His face was clouded with fury, something I had never seen directed at me, and it made me take a step or two back. "So this is your plan, hey ? Coax me into feeling secure and use my emotions against me. That's low, even for you. But you're not thinking ahead. What if those bone feelings of yours are only wishful thinking, uh ? What if those dreams are just that, dreams ? Who do you think will have to tell you 'it's alright, Jake, it's all going to be alright', when you're scared or near dying because the fetus I planted in you kills you from the inside ?! Who do you think will have to put on a smile and pretend like it's alright ? I won't even be able to hold you if you become cold, I will have to spend my nights lying far away, miserable, because you made that fucking choice !

"And who gets lefts behind if things turn ugly, uh ? Who is going to feel guilt eat him from inside ? Who will wish I had pinned you down and punched you like you begged me to, just to get through to that _thick_ skull of yours ?! Who will have to provide emotional support ? Who will have to forget everything he's feeling just to make you feel better ? Who's going to have to put all worry aside, to forget you might _die_ just so you can fulfil that selfish bloody fantasy of yours ?!

"So what am I supposed to do, uh ? Wait around ? I seriously don't know if I can do that. You were honest, so I'm going to be honest too, I might have vampiric strength, but I don't know if I'll be strong enough to wait around for you to die ! And the worst part won't even be the waiting, the worst part is going to be the not knowing. We have no idea what might happen ! You might die, you might not die, or the baby might die because the wolf doesn't like it. You might be perfectly alright and I'll hate myself for yelling, or you might suffer like hell and I'll hate myself for not trying harder to make you change your mind !"

His voice rose and rose, until he was yelling at me with the full power of his strong voice.

I took step after step back, feeling more and more terrible about my choice. Suddenly I started doubting. Not that I would be fine, my recurrent dreams had quite convinced me of that. No, but I knew the process might be difficult and painful. And as Emmett very rightly pointed out, I would only have to fall crying into his open arms, while he would have to close his eyes tightly shut and hold it together for me.

"Emmett –"

"Don't." He snapped "Seriously, I don't even want to hear it." He closed his eyes, seemingly calming himself, before opening them, shining with new resolve. "I'm going to help you in any way I can, because I love you too much to even consider not to. I don't know what I'll do if this turns ugly, but I'll probably be there holding your hand hoping for the best."

My own eyes were shining with tears "You –"

Again he cut me off "Just go to bed. I don't want to talk about this anymore, it'll just depress me even more. I'll see you in the morning." And with that he strode out, slamming the door behind him, probably going to brood with Edward.

I went to bed, having slight anxiety attacks, shaking and feeling as though my insides were turning to lead. My eyes were providing a continuous stream of tears which quickly got my pillow completely wet.

I had sworn to myself to always make sure Emmett didn't have to spend the night thinking about anything dark, but it seemed I had just condemned him to eight months of dark nights.

Not content with that, I wanted nothing more than to creep into his open arms, and have him hold me, have him tell me it would be alright. This only made me feel worse, as I knew in my heart that every word he had spoken was true. In the end, I wasn't the one that would suffer the most, Emmett was. Even dying would be easier than having to endure.

I rolled into a ball, feeling sick with myself. How could I do this to him ?

It took hours before I had cried every tear my body could produce. I eventually stopped shaking, too. The only feelings left were self-loathing and loneliness. I had hoped we would be able to enjoy this together but I felt more alone than ever.

And I hated myself.

I fell asleep after long hours of squirming around in bed, feeling like my heart was hacked into pieces, and that I deserved the pain because of what I was making my Imprint go through.

"I'm sorry, Emmett."


	50. Twice is better than Once

_**"Like Darwin's finches, we are slowly adapting to our new environment [...] There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it, only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws."  
**_

_- The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel_

**Warning : Graphic Gay Sex. Light Bondage and Cum Control. Toys.**

* * *

**Chapter L : TWICE IS BETTER THAN ONCE  
**

* * *

I woke up the next morning, alone and in a cold bed. I hadn't slept well, but that was the least of my worries. Emmett was the first one. I jumped out of bed despite my screaming limbs that felt like lead. A quick shower later I looked almost normal again, and I strode down the stairs, looking around for someone, anyone.

Bella was in the kitchen, and Emmett was preparing breakfast, as per usual. He didn't look up when I came in, and Bella kept silent, so I guessed she knew something was up.

The atmosphere in the room was thicker than jelly. When my Imprint was done preparing the food, he more or less dumped it on the table, before declaring "Going hunting with Edward. No idea when I'll be back."

I had to force myself not to start crying there and then. I lashed out to stop him before he could leave, though "Don't do this, please." I pleaded, as this whole scene was a terrifying repeat of what had already occurred.

His neutral face melted ever so slightly as the shadow of a smile ghosted over him "Jake, listen, I need time alone. I'm not as furious as last night, but it's going to take some time. I just need to get used to the fact that I might be spending my last days with you. I need to sort out my feelings. Eat. I'll be back later and maybe we can talk some more." With that he roughly pushed me aside and strode out, leaving me with a sliver of hope and a miserable feeling I was yet again poisoning our relationship.

I sat down, looking down at my food dejectedly. The fight of the previous night and the morning's encounter had made me lose my appetite. "Don't worry, he'll get over himself." Bella said, sounding absolutely sure of herself.

"Just because you don't give a damn about what Edward feels doesn't mean it's the same for me."

"Of course I care ! I just meant he'll accept it !"

I stood up abruptly, all the pent-up anger flowing out of me "I don't want him to _accept_ it, I want him to LIKE it ! I want him to enjoy this with me !" I sat back down, feeling like a petulant child. Maybe that's what I was, a child throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted. "I'm not even hungry." I muttered, pushing my plate aside.

I returned to shut myself in the bedroom, and curdled up on the couch, feeling alone and increasingly miserable. I had wanted this to be something he and I could enjoy, I had intended for this to be something that would have lit his face up whenever his eyes rested on my stomach.

I felt my throat tighten and I blinked away a few tears, before starting to sob uncontrollably again.

I missed his strong arms around me. I missed his deep soothing voice, the rumble of his chest when he held me against him and talked to me.

And again I felt even worse because I knew he would need to support me and put his worries aside to help me, just like I wanted him to at that moment.

I have no idea how long I stayed there. Eventually the tears stopped, but I just sat there, staring into the void, hoping for a miracle.

And for the first time, a miracle actually happened.

Someone knocked, and I let out a dead "Come in." Esme poked her head in.

"Jacob, we're downstairs if you want some company. Carlisle has something you might want to see ..." She could scarcely keep the grin off her face. It was an effort to stand up and follow her downstairs, steeling myself for the company. I would have preferred to be alone, but there was something about the look on her face ...

She led me into the living room, where everyone was passing around some weird piece of plastic coloured with black and white, and slightly transparent.

"Jake !" Rosalie squealed "Come take a look at your fetus ! Carlisle magnified it and printed out the ultrasound !"

My spirits rose up immediately as I sprinted towards the vampire. She handed me the picture, and I felt my earlier thoughts vanish as my eyes fell on the fetus. Even magnified, he was tiny. Still, you could make out small arms and legs, and an oversized head. He looked curled up on himself in the cutest position. I knew I was grinning like a madman.

My son !

The picture went round, and all the girls in attendance squealed each time they set eyes on the pictures, no matter how many times they had seen it. Jasper couldn't keep the grin of his face either, and Carlisle looked extremely pleased, although it was probably because he was the source of the excitement.

I was feeling ... proud. Something I hadn't felt much of, recently, with all that happened.

"What's going on ?" asked the deep unmistakable voice of my Imprint. A smile was lingering on his face, probably due to a pleasant day spent with Edward ... Far from me and all the worries I brought.

My emotions were spiking up and down so much I wasn't even sure what I was feeling any longer. Alice, who had the ultrasound, handed it back to me quickly. "Uh ..." I started, at a loss for words. In the end I simply gave him the piece of plastic and sat down, looking as discreetly as possible at his face to discern a reaction.

Whatever his thoughts were, Emmett hid them well, because his face was a neutral mask, without any emotion whatsoever betrayed. He didn't give the picture back though, simply stared at it fixatedly. Rosalie, probably trying to diffuse the tension, engaged Bella and me in a discussion I was glad to join, all the while spying on my Imprint from the corner of my eye.

Slowly, very slowly, a lazy grin stretched itself on my Imprint's face; the same exact one I had been sporting but a few minutes earlier. He turned to Edward, smirking "Look, it's my son !" I didn't dare hope too much, but I couldn't stop myself from hoping at all either. A little bubble of happiness formed itself in my heart, and a few butterflies appeared in my stomach.

The grin didn't leave Emmett's face, he handed the picture to Edward, who seemed to be brooding again. Perhaps he had been hoping to have a sympathizing daddy ... I turned back to Rosalie, smiling boyishly at my Imprint's reaction to the picture.

Cold arms wrapped themselves around my waist, and he pressed himself to my back, kissing the back of my neck "I love you, Jake."

I blinked a few times, trying to dry my watery eyes, but declaring "Excuse us, guys." leading my Emmett back to the bedroom.

Once there I turned to him, grinning. He was grinning too, before he said happily "We'll take things as they come, I've finally understood what you meant all this time ! I want to enjoy this with you, getting to hold my son in my arms is worth taking a risk, particularly if you're going to do it whatever happens." He brushed my hair distractedly "I won't say I'm sorry for how I reacted, because that would be hypocritical. If it had made you change your mind it would have been worth it. I'll just say I'm going to act like I _do_ love you, now."

I felt my muscles go limp as all the tension left me. After all the drama, I wasn't sure I could believe it was the end, but I wanted to believe it, badly. Nonetheless, like Emmett I would deal with anything that happened when it happened. We enjoyed a few moments of private reconciliation before my stomach grumbled.

Emmett led me downstairs, still grinning, declaring he was going to prepare something special to celebrate. The whole family clustered in the kitchen, and soon there was loud conversation while the room was heated up by Emmett's cooking. Candles had been lit – probably Alice's doing – to give it a cosy touch.

This felt ... Great. There was no other way of putting it. Emmett had a hand around my waist while the other one was preparing some unknown dish, grinning all the while. We talked about light matters, and I caught myself hoping this would be what we would still be doing in 5 years, with a toddler sprinting around the house and yelling with the full power of his small lungs. Rosalie was in a lively discussion with Bella, Alice and Esme, while Edward, Carlisle and Jasper were talking in hushed tones. If only the Cullens would eat, the tableau would be perfect; we'd all take seats around the large dining room table and have one of the best evenings in a long time.

"You know, we'll need to find names." I said at some point.

Emmett looked bashful "Eeh ... I've kind of already thought about that..."

"Really ?"

"Yeah... I thought Will was a pretty terrific name."

Rosalie, who must have been listening in, piped up "Only if it's a baby boy."

We both spun around, stunned, but Emmett recovered first "Jake says it's going to be a bouncing baby boy."

"Right." She sneered.

My Imprint huffed "I'll bet you anything you want it's a boy."

"So you'd be willing to bet your flat in London that it's a boy ?" Rosalie asked cheekily.

"Sure, if you're willing to bet your island out of Sau Paolo !"

"What ?!" She spluttered "No way ! My house is worth ten of your flats !"

"Well actually," Carlisle said, making me wonder if there was anyone who _wasn't_ listening in "Emmett's flat is worth more than your island, so you should take the bet."

"Fine. Your flat for my island. But it'll be a girl, my female instinct can predict that kind of stuff."

Emmett scoffed "Yeah, yeah, we've all heard about your female instinct. I trust Jake on that one."

The dinner, which turned out to be a delicious piece of salmon served with new potatoes and a succulent tomato purée preceding the best apple tart I've ever eaten, was just as entertaining as the cooking of the dinner. Throughout the meal, I couldn't hope but wonder if my Emmett had been exchanged during the time he had been out with Edward. Actually, the latter looked like he was perking up to. I discovered only later that he had started hearing bribes of the baby's thoughts from within Bella's rapidly swelling belly.

When I had eaten three servings of salmon and four of cake – Emmett kept shovelling more food on the plate, probably deciding to take Carlisle's advice to heart – I had this incredible feeling of elation I hadn't felt in a long time.

I was warm, my belly was full, my Imprint was lying in bed next to me, what else could I ask for ?

'_Your dad'_ something in me whispered. I sighed, with everything that had happened, I hadn't really had the time to let my mind linger on that. Of course it would come back to haunt me now that things seemed to head in the right direction, where would the fun be in me being happy .. ?

Part of me wanted to spill everything to Emmett, while the other didn't want to prove him right; I didn't want him to get frustrated or anything now ! Again, all I wanted was to curl up in his arms and let him soothe me, but that's exactly what he had predicted he'd have to do.

I was feeling so many things I thought my head would explode.

Happy about Emmett's new thoughts on the pregnancy, torn up about Dad's reaction, guilt about completely ignoring my pack for the last two weeks ...

I must have betrayed my mental ministrations because Emmett whispered "You know, if you want to talk, I'll listen, whatever it is. I know I said all those dreadful things about having to comfort you, but I like comforting you. I'll always be there, no matter what BS I spurt out in the heat of things, I'm a bit of a hot-head, like you ... So if there's anything on your mind, just tell me, Jake, you'll feel better, I promise."

I sighed "But even if you didn't mean everything, there is still some truth to what you said... I can't ask you to put all your worries aside just to make me feel better ! And I don't want you to have to tell me everything is going to be alright even if you don't think it's true !"

"Come here." He grabbed my wrist from under the cover and drew me in close "Listen carefully. I'm not really worried any more. It's like I said, we'll take things as they come, and there's no need to worry for what might or might not happen. Right now, I just want you, us, to be happy. If you're not, because of something I said, something that happened, then I want you to tell me about it so I can help you. Alright ?"

There was a ball in my throat as everything I felt threatened to spill, until I let it all come out.

"I – I just ..." I shook my head, unable to translate my overflowing feelings into words "There's been so much lately ... I don't even know what I feel any more. And then you said things I can't forget, I don't want you to have to push aside any worries or anything ! You need to be able to get upset, and I don't want you to feel like I don't care or that I won't listen, or that I want you to shut out everything to make _me_ feel better !" I felt myself choke up on the last words, but I ploughed on.

"And then Carlisle freaked me out yesterday, but I can't change my mind about the pregnancy 'cause I just can't kill our son !" I started sobbing at the thought "I'm - scared of what might - happen, but I didn't want - to tell you because - you've got enough - to worry about. I was terrified - you'd - start acting - like two months - ago, and I - wouldn't have blamed you – 'cause if I were in your - place I wouldn't want to have to - stick around ! And when I start - thinking about all that - I can't stop thinking - you might - leave, and then - I'm like - paralysed, it's not only - the Imprint, but - the possibility of you leaving - fucks with my head, you have no idea !" Tears started streaming as I put words to my worst fears.

"And dad won't - talk to me, and I - miss him, and I - hate being at - odds with him ! I've always been - close to Dad after Mom - died, so now - I don't know what - to do, what to say ! And what if - something happens to - me or him - before we - can fix it ? And if - you leave me, where - am I gonna go ? I don't - have much money, I won't - be able to - work and - I eat enough for five people !

"It's just - too much, it feels like - my head is going to - split open ! And now - you're going to tell me it's - alright, and that's exactly - what you warned me - would happen, and I - hate myself - for it. On top of it - you're my - Imprint and I'm supposed - to take - care of you, not make it - worse, and I love you - so much - I don't want to ever be a problem ! I don't want you to have to - leave to - calm yourself, I hate - that you - went to Edward - instead of me - when you didn't feel - good, and I hate myself - because that's my own fucking fault !" I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself.

"Most of all I just miss my dad ..." I had closed my eyes, refusing to see my Imprint's reaction, I wasn't sure how he would react, but I was sure I didn't want to know.

"Jake, I love you. We made a deal, remember, we're stuck with each other until sent away. I know I can fly off the handle, say hurtful things, blur away, but deep down I love you, Jacob. And you better come open your heart up to me or I'll start getting jealous too, got it ? The only reason I looked happy when I came back was because I had more or less already decided to enjoy every single day with you, and damn the consequences. You looked so happy when I barged in with Ed', I just couldn't help grinning like a love-sick idiot."

With each of his words, the knot in my stomach loosened until I was left with nothing but butterflies inside. "And your dad will come around. I'm sure if he doesn't come around quickly enough, Leah and Sue will beat his stupid beliefs out of him. And if that doesn't work either, I'll go myself and remind him that he's missing out on the life of his awesome son. 'K ?"

I was smiling despite myself. Emmett was like a key that had opened a box, a perfect fit, a simple 'click' and everything was right again. "God I love you so much Em' !"

"Same here. You look tired, sleep, I'll be here all night watching over you."

* * *

I woke up in my Imprint's arms. He was holding my head against his chest, tucked under a cold chin. My arms were folded between us, palms pressed on his muscular, cold abdominals. My legs were literally wrapped around Emmett's, and my cock was hard as rock. I was feeling as hot as usual, too.

My libido hit me like a brick wall after two weeks of abstinence and a rocky relationship. My Imprint's dick quickly grew excited against mine as I started slow sensual rocking motions against Emmett. Testosterone was making my head dizzy and lowering my inhibitions considerably; I wanted my Imprint to give it to me, hard. I wanted him to rough me up and show me who I belonged to. I wanted it badly.

"Emmett ..." I drawled "I want you so bad right now ..." I tilted him so he was lying on his back, wasting no time crawling on top of him.

I pressed my lips against his, demanding a searing kiss, before he said "I've missed my wolf's tight heat ... It's going to be my genuine pleasure."

He was being much too pliant. That day I wanted to lose all control "Rough me up, Em', please ..."

He grabbed my hips, stilling my rocking. "Jake, we have to be careful, you're preg-"

I had to make an effort not to roll my eyes, mood killer ! "Carlisle said we had a couple of months before we had to take it slowly. We might as well make the most of them, when I start showing you can be gentle and sensual. Right now I want wild and animalistic !"

"I don't want to hurt you ..." I could see the desire burning in my Imprint's darkening eyes. He craved control at that moment just as much as I craved the loss of control.

I knew exactly what to do. Smirking, I declared "Come on, if you don't show me who's boss I'll show you who's the Alpha ... Sissy boy." To make sure he would forget about his doubts, I playfully slapped his cheek, still straddling him.

Growling, Emmett turned us around so he was the one straddling me. One of his hands grabbed both my wrists and in under a second a tongue was licking on to one of my overheated nipples.

He started sucking on the nipple, before I felt his teeth worry the sensitive skin, making me sigh in pleasure "Aaaaaah, yeah ..."

His free hand feathered around my cock, which was still covered with my constraining boxers, making me arch in pleasure. I was tipping into that bliss that was total surrender to pleasure. Too quickly, the hand travelled back up, tracing invisible lines on my stomach, before plucking a meaty nipple and giving it a good, hard, squeeze. I whimpered, feeling the pain mix with pleasure.

The icy tongue slowly moved down, until it was dipping into my bellybutton, providing a whole new range of sensation I had never experienced before. My boxers were pulled down slightly so my cockhead poked out, and a tentative lick was given to the underside of my exposed gland, causing goosebumps to erupt all over me.

"God, Em', I need you in me !" I was hoping he'd just get on with the fucking, but he was in control. My nipple was given another harder pinch before the hand trailed back down, and Emmett polished my cockhead with his thumb, using my shining precum as a lubricant.

There was a slight breeze as Emmett disappeared, before I heard a 'click' as my wrists were fastened behind my back. He turned me onto my stomach, before lying on top of me, humping his cock into the cleft of my arse and pressing kisses along my neck.

"Mmh ... You smell so good. Mine. All mine." I couldn't help but whining, no matter how much I pushed back he wouldn't move !

"Come on, fuck me !" I snarled, starting to think it wasn't a bright idea to let him tease me when I was so desperate. He chuckled, before crawling off me and parting my legs wide. He raised my hips, placing a cushion under me, raising my butt. I arched my back, offering myself up to him shamelessly, but he wasn't done. A hand rained down on my arse, smacking my firm butt cheek hard. I yelped, not having expected this at all. We'd done some pretty kinky stuff once or twice, but never spanking !

He spanked me again and I moaned, starting to rub myself on the pillow. This was turning me on like hell ! Nothing got me going more than Emmett's rough, domineering side ... A few other blows came down, making me moan each time. I was leaking precum all over the pillow when he said huskily "Mmh, your arse is all pink ... But now I want your hole, I'm going to have fun teasing you."

"God, no, please, just fuck me !" It wasn't the first time he felt like toying with my arse, and each time I ended up cumming once before he even fucked me and a second time with his cock shoving inside me.

"Oh no, you wanted this, puppy. Now you _endure_." Something wet trickle down my opened cleft, and a cold finger pressed down, making me moan. It was insane how good it could feel !

"Please, Em', please just fuck me !"

The finger pushed all the way in, before pulling out. I think that my healing powers meant I would be an eternal virgin, because no matter how much Emmett fucked me, I was almost as tight as the first time. "Very well, I'll fuck you on one condition, puppy."

"Fuck, anything, just get your cock up my arse !"

He chuckled "You don't get to cum."

"What ?!" I squealed. What the hell did he mean ? He knew I couldn't help cumming when he fucked me ! He had made me cum hands free countless times already !

"You heard me. Since you called me 'sissy boy', I'm going to strap a cock ring to you, and I'm going to fuck you twice. The ring will make it really difficult for you to cum, so I might have to take your tight hole three times before you get there ..."

"But –"

"Shut it !" He growled, giving me another hard spank. At that point I surrendered control. I knew I might regret it later on, but the idea was turning me the hell on. In any case, getting fucked three consecutive times was much too tempting. This was exactly what I had been fishing for.

"Here we go." He said, sounding delighted, slipping something wet onto my cock, letting it rest snugly under my cockhead. It felt constraining without being painful, and would surely make it incredibly difficult to cum. Craning my neck, I could see him kneel between my widely parted legs, before bending forward.

I frowned, wondering what he was up to, until I felt his icy tongue lap at my vulnerable entrance. I yelped, the feeling was different to anything else we'd ever done ! He started applying a bit of pressure, forcing his tongue inside of me, and I'm sure I would have cum had I not had the stupid ring on my cock. His slippery organ curled up inside of me, drawing out a moan as I tried my best to stay unmoving.

"Come on !" I exclaimed, we'd made a deal for God's sake !

"Yeah, yeah, here it comes." I felt his cock present itself at my hole, and slowly it pushed in. "Tell me if I'm going too fast, but I'm not stretching you any more, you're a dog who can take a little pain ! That's for slapping me."

I winced when the large frozen head popped inside me, stretching me uncomfortably all of a sudden. This was the first time he fucked me without proper preparation, and although it hurt, I was so clamped around his cock that I could feel every detail of it. His member would also probably be nudging hard my prostate in a way that would make me go delirious !

His large cock inched in, stretching me from the inside, making my muscles burn deliciously. With a hard shove, he bottomed out the last inches and I arched my back in pleasure as he hit my spot dead on. A hand grabbed my shoulder, and Emmett started with shallow thrusts, letting me get used to his size. He kept me in an uncomfortable position, back arched and legs spread wide with my hands cuffed behind my back, but I relished the idea of being _used_ independent of my will, with my Imprint in complete control. It made me feel like he owned me, and somehow that strengthened the bond between us and reassured me of his constant presence near me.

I was drawn out of my thoughts as his cock slipped out before ramming back in, pushing me forward into the headboard as I moaned "Fuck, yes !" Emmett started fucking me, shoving in as deeply as possible, my prostate sending a constant stream of pleasure to my brain. I babbled incoherently as my brain fried and my balls took over. I was spanked now and again, the cold hard dick drilling into me with inhuman speed.

I clamped my hole around his cock, eliciting a groan from my beloved Imprint. My own cock was jutting up and down with every shove I received, and although I wanted nothing more than to snap the handcuffs and jerk myself stupid, I was nowhere near ready to cum. The cock ring was drawing out the pleasure in an insane way I couldn't even have imagined possible.

"I - love - your - fucking - arse, Jake, I - could - pound - you - all - day - long !" He punctured each word with another shove, and I moaned my agreement, my tongue had long since stopped taking order from my fried brain.

With a final hard thrust, Emmett buried himself into me and came with a grunt. "Fuuuuck yeah !" He pulled out, his cock soft and slippery.

"Please let me cum !" I immediately pleaded, my hole feeling empty and my prostate under-stimulated.

"Don't worry, puppy, I'm ready almost ready to go again." Using his vampiric speed, he unfastened the handcuffs, flipped me onto my back, bound my wrists over my head, and tied the cuffs off to a head-post using a short piece of rope. Then he pulled me from where he was standing at the foot of the bed, and hooked my legs over his shoulders. I was stretched out on the bed, my cock screaming for attention, and without another word Emmett thrust his already hard cock into me, making me wince in slight pain.

The hard fuck started all over again, but this time I was on the brink of orgasm and absolute pleasure. My cock was as hard as it would get, precum was leaking all over my abs, and Emmett's thrusts was giving a teasing stimulation to my member as it jutted up, down, same as my balls.

From time to time he bent down to kiss me or palm my balls, making me itch with desire. "Please..." I whined "Please let me cum !"

His only answer was to pick up speed, making me literally howl with pleasure as I was kept on the very brink for what felt like an eternity. I had never been so lost in pleasure, and the occasional pinching of my nipples kept my whole body on fire. Only my arsehole was kept cool as my Imprint quenched the fire there with the temperature of his cock.

I started feeling my balls draw together, and my dick started pulsating as I grew nearer and nearer to an explosive orgasm, Emmett's growls and grunts turning me on just as much as the bondage or the hard workout my arse was receiving.

"Go ! Fuck ! I'm gonna – Fuck – I'm gonna cum !" I stuttered. Emmett's abs were slapping against my thighs, his balls against my arse, the whole bed moving with the power in his thrusts. I kept a constant stream of 'Fuck, Fuck, Fuck' as I drew impossibly near. By all rights I should have been cumming but the ring was keeping me on the edge.

"I need to cum ! I need to cum ! I need to cum !" I all but yelled as my orgasm refused to rip through me.

"So cum." Emmett almost ordered, giving one jerky motion to my cock, and I roared, the orgasm exploding out of my cock, sending my sperm flying all over me, up to my face. My arse clamped around Emmett's cock and he followed suit, cumming as he seated himself deep within me.

Neither of us moved for a good while. I had to get my breathing under control and even my Imprint looked breathless. He was the first to recover though, slipping out of me and letting me free.

"Fuck." I said, still reeling from the orgasm; doubtlessly one of the longest, most explosive and most enjoyable one. Well, not sure it beat the cop scene ... Still, fuck !

I felt Emmett take hold of my soft cock and slip the ring off, making me hiss as it came into contact with my very sensitive cockhead. "Are you alright ?" He asked, worried.

"God." I let my head fall onto the bed. "That was ... That was ..." I tried searching for a word that would qualify this satisfyingly "Mind-blowing, that's what it was. And cock-blowing ..." I chuckled at my horrible pun.

"I'm sorry I was so rough ..." Emmett looked remorseful. I knew that the post orgasm drop in hormones could be a bit awkward, all the inhibitions came crashing back ...

I shook my head "God, I wish you'd do that more often. That was fucking hot as hell."

"Really ?"

"Fuck, yes. Really. And I don't give a damn if you start thinking I'm a masochist or something."

Emmett chuckled nervously "Well, as long as you don't think of me as a sadist, I'm all for a little kinky stuff."

"Good." Was all I managed, sealing the deal. The new months would sure be interesting.


	51. In my Bones

A/N : Well, there we go, **1.000 reviews are reached** ! I think it's time I took a second to thank every single person who has reviewed this story, be it a simple praise or an elaborate commentary. This story has also gone over 200.000 words and is going to have 60 chapters ... I never in a million years thought that I would write something so long, or anywhere this popular ! Thanks everyone !

**Warning : Mention of gay sex.  
**

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**Chapter LI : IN MY BONES**

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Things went better after Emmett saw the ultrasound. A few days later I found a binder my Imprint had stored in a drawer of his desk labelled "_My Son"_ in the recognizable masculine handwriting that was Emmett's. I shed a few tears of sheer happiness seeing that, a few days ago I had been wondering if this baby we would have was even _wanted_. I knew Emmett had qualms about the risks involved, but after that I felt sure that at least he did want to hold his son.

In the binder I found a picture of my Imprint, an arm around my shoulders, and the two ultrasound images Carlisle had given us so far. Lastly there was a paper where he had conscientiously jotted down all the details about the fetus: date of conception, date of the first exam, size, etc, etc. On the top of the page, in gold ink he had written "William" in a fine calligraphy I had no idea he was capable of producing.

We had discussed names once, and agreed on Will. Neither of us wanted anything too fancy or weird, but we wanted to avoid anything too common. Will just seemed to fit, when I pictured the white wolf in my head, I saw him as a Will. We hadn't discussed girl's names; I was entirely certain the baby would be a boy, and Emmett seemed to trust me on the matter.

Following the wild sex we had, Emmett took complete control more often, coming up with different hot ideas every single time. The handcuffs came in frequently, and they never failed to turn me on. I can't explain why, but being defenceless, vulnerable and completely open to my Imprint made me feel ... _good_. Plus I liked being able to let go of everything, when we had sex I could stop thinking, stop worrying, stop wishing there were ways to avoid making Emmett go through whatever might happen. I would just lie there, tied up or not, letting my Imprint do whatever he wanted, doing whatever he told me to do.

When it came to sex, Emmett's imagination seemed limitless. Not once had we done the same scene twice. He always found ideas to spice up whatever we were doing. In addition he was tireless and never refused to fuck. These days I was just as tireless as him, Carlisle told me it was like a regular pregnancy, when women would have a huge boost of energy. I couldn't complain, in those days Emmett and I both came about four times a day, twice in the morning and twice in the evening.

Everyone had already used up all the different ways to tell me that I looked good. I don't know if it was in comparison to Bella, who was looking skinnier and more tired with everyday that went by, or if it was because they expected someone pregnant to look good, but secretly I thought it was because I was so damn happy and sated.

Emmett had had a complete turnaround. There wasn't a single moment in the day when he wasn't grinning like a boy with a shiny new toy, and literally fawning over me, discussing plans about our future new-born all day long, always ready to cuddle or have sex, treating me like a princeling.

I have to admit, at first I was a bit taken aback by his new attitude, but finally I understood; as the saying goes, he lived each day as if it was the last one. Although he had said as much already, it had taken me a while to figure it out. At first I had thought it was all a facade to keep me happy, a farce to try and convince even himself that all was well. But no, he simply had stopped worrying about what _might_ happen and decided to focus on the present. Anyone else would have thought he didn't care what might happen, but I knew better, he did all this _because_ he cared, because he loved me so damn much.

That was something else I had come to realize. No matter that we had been together for over a year, I was certain that I still couldn't grasp just how much he loved me. I remembered hoping jealously that I would some day love him more than he loved me. I was starting to wonder if that was even possible. Those kinds of thoughts gave rise to two different feelings.

Anger – how could Rosalie and that other girl throw Emmett aside when he had by far the biggest heart I had ever come across ? Sure, he was possessive, but that was simply a mark of his love. I didn't dwell too long on those feelings though, because no matter how much time went by, I would probably never be able to forget what I did to him that one time in the club, how incredibly ignorant and sadistic I was.

Pure damn elation – The Imprint only tied me to him, but not him to me. I could therefore only hope that he would never leave, but I was starting to understand that Emmett, being Emmett, wouldn't leave. Unless I did something else horrifyingly idiotic, he would stick around and make me happy, just as I would always stick around and try my best to make him happy.

However, this also showed how important the age difference between Emmett and me was. He reminded me of that once, when I gave voice to some worries of mine. It was before I understood his new philosophy, I admitted that his happiness was my priority number one – well, number two, now – and that I didn't want him to think I didn't care, that if he wanted me to take care of him instead I would do so gladly.

'_Jake, you're still very young, so there are things you haven't had time to figure out yet. I'm going to tell you something I learnt, and you might not agree because you need to learn it for yourself. Happiness doesn't come because you yourself are happy, happiness comes because the people around you are happy, the people you love are happy. Keeping you happy and carefree is what keeps me happy, my love. I can imagine that things I do like cleaning the room, the bathroom, cooking, doing the dishes, fetching whatever you need might seem like chores to you, but not only does my vampire speed and strength allow me to do them in a tenth of the time a human would take to do them, I know how glad you secretly are that you don't have to do all those things. In time you'll learn that those material tasks that seem like a bore to you are nothing compared to feeling happy in your bones. And that's how happy you make me, Jake, I'm happy in my bones thanks to you. Don't worry about me, Jake, if anything is amiss I'll tell you, if some day I want you to take care of me, I'm ready to bet you won't have to ask to know what you need to do. You're my perfect young wolf-man, you'll know what to do. I trust you completely.'_

I still cry sometimes thinking of all that he said. I too, was happy _in my bones_, something I told Emmett all the time now, in addition to my usual 'I love you's' because now I knew how much that meant to him.

Emmett and I filled our days in two different ways; either we'd spend the whole day outside wandering and sight-seeing, or we could spend hours cuddled together on the couch, in front of half a dozen good movies, not saying anything, simply enjoying each other's silent company. I had always kind of thought my Imprint would be the jittery kind of guy, hating to sit down and do nothing, but far from it.

In fact, we were almost 24/7 together. We slept together, we showered together ... The only reason we would be apart for any length of time was when Emmett needed to go hunting. Every time that happened, I would watch him leave from the bedroom window, my heart lurching out and wishing I could accompany him. I was a bit worried he'd start thinking of me as clingy, but I just couldn't stop myself, it felt so damn good to be with him !

I did feel kind of vulnerable without my wolf, so my Imprint's presence was soothing if only because I knew he could protect us against anything that came our way. I wasn't too worried for myself as much as the fetus. Not that there were any real threats around us, but being with a giant wolf and living in a nest of vampires tends to make one slightly paranoiac.

I think the need for my Imprint was also caused by my hormones going crazy. Sometimes I would be so happy nothing could dampen my spirit, while at times all I wanted was to creep into Emmett's T-shirt and hide from the world there. Well, my sex drive didn't have ups and downs, there were only ups.

There was so much I didn't understand about the pregnancy though, so many questions I wanted to ask. I tried not to think about it however; not only did the unknown scare me, but it made me feel my father's absence by my side. I knew he would have the answers to the questions I had, I knew that _he_ would know.

But there hadn't been a single word from him. I overheard Emmett trying to call him, but I think Dad ended the call immediately. I wonder now if Dad's reticence at my male Imprint was because he had feared all along this would happen. I wonder if his indecent happiness at Emmett's departure the previous year was because he hoped I would break the imprint somehow.

That made me wonder how I felt about Dad keeping the whole male pregnancy a secret. What if he _had _told me ? Either I would've told Emmett, and we would have used protection, making a pregnancy impossible; or I wouldn't have told him and he would probably have murdered me once he found out. Neither case was encouraging ...

This led me to wonder if Dad's problem wasn't only that I was pregnant – but maybe he hated himself for not warning me. Maybe he was ashamed and thought it was his fault ? But how to find out ? The two times I had tried calling, he'd demanded sternly to know if I had changed my mind, ending the call when I didn't answer with a positive.

Ah, well, it'd be too easy if things suddenly turned perfect, wouldn't it ? At least I kept my promise, now I always made sure my Imprint didn't have something on his mind before going to bed. It had become somewhat of a ritual actually; before I fell asleep I'd always ask '_is there anything you want to talk to me about ?'_ Emmett, after a few nights, had asked why I gave him the same question every single night, so I had explained. I had explained that I couldn't imagine not sleeping or how many sleepless nights my beloved Imprint had spent trapped within his own mind, thoughts tormenting him.

Emmett had gazed at me with a funny look when I said that, before blinking away red tears "No one ever cared so much about me than you do, Jake." He had whispered in a shaky voice, before clearing his throat and adding in a stronger voice "This might sound condescending, but I'm so fucking proud of you, of what you've become, of being the one you love. Bella doesn't have a bloody clue what she missed when she turned her back on you. You are full of love ready to be given out."

I had chuckled wetly at that "I think you'll always love me more than I love you, somehow; if that is even possible."

He had smirked slightly "Well, I've had decades to learn what love is all about. I'm sure you'll catch up pretty quickly, you already kind of have anyway."

Ah, present events were getting me a bit nostalgic. Bella had just been cut open to get the baby vampire out of her. Gross. I stayed in the living room while it happened, I really didn't want to witness that. I huffed thinking that if I had imprinted, I would probably have been holding her hand, miserable, knowing that even in death she wouldn't be mine. Well, what can I say, thank God I Imprinted.

Emmett had gone hunting, the sheer amount of blood that apparently had spurted everywhere had been too difficult to resist even for him. As far as I knew, only Carlisle and Edward remained with Bella, whether she was still alive or not, I couldn't know. Alice had taken Jasper out as soon as it started; no matter that he had improved a lot during past months, it would have been stupid to take the risk. Rosalie had taken the baby away, probably cleaning the thing up, because when she swept past, the little thing had been covered in blood. Gross too.

Again, I found myself wishing I could have gone with my Imprint. From what I understood, my blood could be somewhat tempting to Emmett in my human form, but not in my wolf form. So when he had rushed out of Carlisle's study, his nostrils flaring, his hands covered in red and his eyes pitch black, he hadn't let me get anywhere near him. I trusted him completely, but again, it would have been foolish to take unnecessary risks...

Oh well, this baby was my choice, I couldn't very well complain. If the only cost was the inability to phase during a few months, then I could live with it.

The study had been deathly silent for quite a while now, and I couldn't help but wonder what was happening. I didn't have to wonder for long, Carlisle came out after some time, looking weary. He plopped down in the couch opposite mine, and let out a long breath, before saying "Well, the baby is fine, but I had to turn Bella. Her body will be repairing for the next few hours and we should have her back."

I nodded absent-mindedly. I wouldn't say that I didn't care, but I have to admit that the Imprint massively shifted my priorities. At that moment I was wondering when I might expect Emmett to come back. It was the longest time I had spent away from him in a while, and I didn't like it. I was fidgeting, wringing my hands discreetly under a pillow and mashing my lip to a pulp.

I had just started wondering if something might have happened to him when he barged into the mansion and bore down on me with all the speed he could muster. Carlisle had long since left, and I had been able to worry in peace and quiet, without having to care about putting on a show.

Emmett picked me up in a hug and I let out a deep breath. The world felt wrong when I wasn't with him, like I was too far away from the pull of gravity, like I was floating aimlessly in open space.

"God I hope you don't think I'm clingy, because since I decided to live with you whatever happens I hate being far from you more than a few minutes." My Imprint said eventually, alleviating all doubt I might have had about being too clingy myself.

"I was worrying _you _might think I stuck around you too much ..." I whispered back.

He groaned "Good."

The rest of the day was a blur, spent kissing, cuddling, eating. If one thing hadn't change, it was my appetite. Although I had lost a few pounds after the whole passing out in the snow and the consecutive arguments, I was told that I had quickly got my pounds back. Emmett had even joked once or twice that I might be getting fat, pinching my naked arse; which had led to a merry dozen of minutes examining myself in the mirror to make sure I _wasn't_ putting on any weight.

I took pride in looking good, and I knew Emmett loved my looks. I also knew that the pregnancy would fuck all that up, but at the moment I was intent on staying the same. I liked my tight abs and firm butt cheeks.

The evening was also a blur, spent having countless rounds of sex, at least two in bed, one kneeling with my hands cuffed behind my back. Then we had the superb idea of taking a shower together, which led to two other rounds, one performing oral on each other and the other having Emmett slam me into the bathroom wall, warm water cascading over us. We must have broken a record that night, because there was a last round when I was on the way to bed, having taken a shower I walked naked to the wardrobe, but my naked arse strolling around proved too much of a temptation for Emmett who took me over his desk, halfway between the bathroom and the wardrobe. If I remember right there was some spanking involved, my Imprint claiming I should stop teasing him. No need to say that I decided to walk around naked as much as possible after that.

I fell asleep after our little ritual, sore but thrumming with life.

I woke up in my favourite way, feeling Emmett's strong arms all around me, his chin on top of my head and my large body tucked into his embrace as much as possible. I shivered in sheer pleasure; if only things could always be like this ...

"Morning." I mumbled, snuggling my head tightly against the cold white chest. I seriously couldn't understand how I ever lived without this, how I ever could be happy without Emmett in my life. Not that it really mattered, because now I had him, and all for myself too !

"How are you feeling ? Not too sore from last night ?"

I hummed "I love it when I'm sore inside, it's good pain. It feels like you're a part of me."

He chuckled "Well, that's good. I'm going to get you something to eat, want something in particular ?"

I couldn't help but let a whine escape. We were comfortable, no need to go anywhere. "Jake, Bella is going to wake up anytime now, and I don't want you anywhere near her when that happens, you've been more and more human since your wolf backed off. Let's not take any risks 'k ?"

I groaned "I'll be fine, I smell of wolf, you said so yourself." I knew that was a half-lie, but it felt so damn good to be in his arms I really couldn't be fucked. We'd deal with whatever happened when it happened. Besides, Bella had always been in control of herself, I felt sure she would be a tame newborn.

"You can be so damn stubborn when you don't want to get up ..." I nodded, there was no use denying it, waking up was the worst part of the day. Particularly when I had to let go of my Imprint and put two layers of clothes between us.

We stayed silent and unmoving for what felt like five seconds before my Imprint huffed "Come on, it's been almost an hour, time to move !" I simply groaned and hugged him with my arms, making sure he could go nowhere.

"If you don't get up I'll carry you downstairs naked before smacking your arse for everyone to see." He threatened, and I wasn't entirely convinced he was joking, so I deemed it safer to grunt, groan and get up. He disappeared, probably to take care of breakfast, and I hurried to put something on. Bed was much less alluring when Emmett wasn't naked in it...

I splashed some water on my face to wake up before trudging down the stairs, still feeling somewhat sleepy. The breakfast was a quick business, my Imprint pressing me to eat faster. I really didn't understand what he was worried about, I was a god damn wolf, and Bella was my best friend. I was supposed to smell like hell to them, just like they always smelled awful. And wasn't my blood supposed to be a poison to them ? So why the hell would anyone even try ?

Nonetheless, I hurried for Emmett's sake – meaning I had only two servings instead of three. One glance at the clock on the oven made me groan, no wonder I felt so sleepy, it was only eight in the morning ! I had fallen into the habit of sleeping until at the very least nine, and here Emmett was, waking me up at seven !

We were on the way out when my Imprint hissed a "Fuck" and whipped around. I followed his gaze; Bella was standing there, white with red eyes.

I gulped. She was looking at me like some piece of meat. Ok, maybe I should have listened to Emmett.

Edward blurred in front of her, massaging his ribs "Don't hug me like that or you'll break –" He stopped, realizing all of Bella's focus was on me and not on him. "Bella, don't even think about it. Not only would you kill yourself drinking his blood, but you'd hate yourself."

She wasn't listening though. Emmett put himself between us and rose to his full height. Damn, my Imprint may be a teddy bear, but he could also be scary. I wasn't overly worried, he was stronger than any other vampire, and Bella was a clumsy new-

Fuck. Newborns were supposed to be much stronger ! "Uh, Em', let's just go ?" I grabbed hold of his shoulder and tried to pull him outside, but he didn't budge.

The whole room seemed to freeze, before everyone suddenly leapt into action. Bella lurched for me, swatting Edward to the side like an annoying fly. Emmett met her head on, and there was a sickening _'crack'_. I felt dread bubble up in me, Emmett had managed to dispatch most of Victoria's army, but he had had surprise on his side ...

There was another _crack_ and my Imprint flew over the room into a glass door behind me, shattering it and landing with a heavy _thud_ on the gravel, not moving.

"NO !" I roared "EMMETT !" Throwing all caution aside at seeing my Imprint hurt, I ran for him, forgetting all about Bella. He moved feebly, moaning in pain.

"No, no, no ..." I muttered, kneeling by his side, feeling tears threaten to spill as I turned him onto his back. I gaped, his shirt had been ripped open at his stomach, and there now was a gaping dent into his perfect abdominals where he had been punched. His adorable face was punctured where glass had penetrated his skin when he had flown through the door.

'"Jake. Run." He gurgled, but I shook my head, I couldn't leave him. I glanced back, and saw Bella awe-struck. Hurting my beloved Imprint seemed to have snapped her out of the blood-induced trance.

"Edward !" I heard her shriek, and I knew she wouldn't be a problem.

"It's alright, Em', she's taking care of Edward." I said firmly, wanting to believe it was true, before adding "I'm going to take care of you." Saying those last words felt so _right_. I was filled with new purpose, and lifted my Imprint bridal-style, happily noticing my shifter's strength hadn't left me.

Without a glance at the monster Edward had created, I strode to our bedroom and made a bee-line for the shower. I knew he would be fine, but I needed to get the glass out of his skin before it healed, I dreaded to think what would happen otherwise.

I gently put him down in the over-sized tub, before stripping down to my boxers, picking up the rubbish bin we kept in the bedroom and climbing in with him. I delicately took his shirt off, taking great care not to nudge any of the glass bits. He hissed a few times, and I had to suppress a groan at seeing his pecs and shoulders littered with glass too.

Slowly but methodically, I plucked each piece of glass out of my Imprint before dumping each of them into the bin. I used warm water to try and keep the process as wet and painless as possible, but Emmett flinched often, particularly when I plucked the glass from his cheeks. It was a gruesome task, but I wouldn't have had anyone else do it for me.

I cut myself a few times when I slowly let my hand roam over his body to locate any missing shards, but he didn't seem bothered by the blood that was dripping on his chest. In fact, he wasn't moving or saying much.

When I felt absolutely sure he was clean, I took a look at the dent in his stomach, which still hadn't healed. I took one of the pieces of glass and opened one of my fingers up, letting the blood mixed with water pool in the whole in my Imprint. It was quite impressive how the water slowly grew crystal clear as the blood was absorbed by the wound.

I didn't have to wait long before the wound was healed and I had the perfect abs back, brand new.

"Emmett ?" I asked hesitantly.

He groaned, before shaking his head and groaning "I can't believe she beat me."

Well, he had always had a lot of pride in his strength ... "She cheated, she's a newborn." I said.

Emmett laughed and flashed his trademark grin "Come here." He pulled me down into a hug and I yelped as the shower wet me completely – I had been able to avoid it up until then. "I told you that you'd know to take care of me when I needed it."

I smiled, nodding "Feeling ok ?" I asked.

"Yes, I've got you to take care of me."

"Thanks for saving my life ... And I'm sorry, if I hadn't been this slow you wouldn't-"

"Shh, that's why I'm here, to put myself between you, our son, and danger." I nodded again. He had chosen a while ago not to linger on negative thoughts, and I would do well to follow suit.

"Mmh, my wolf is lying on top of me, all wet with a transparent pair of white boxers. I really want that piping hot arse, right now."


	52. Life Moves on Without Us

**Warning: Mention of Gay Sex. Borderline Dub-con  
**

* * *

**Chapter LII: LIFE MOVES ON WITHOUT US  
**

* * *

Shortly following the incident, Bella left with Edward for the cottage they had been offered as a wedding present. The baby, Renesmee (what kind of name is that ?) stayed at the mansion with Rosalie on Bella's insistent demand, after what she did to my Imprint, it seems she realized what kind of a public danger she was.

She had apologized profusely to Emmett, who had graciously accepted. She had then rounded me up and tried to do the same, but the bitterness wouldn't leave me. She could have killed him, and we both knew it. What's more, the whole Victoria business was more or less her fault, and I had also been spectator to a devastating scene when Charlie had showed up at the mansion one day, demanding to see his daughter. Carlisle had told him in his characteristic doctor's manner that Bella had died of a grave infection contracted during the world tour with Edward.

The poor man had been very near losing it completely. He had insisted on searching the entire house, and had yelled at me for a very uncomfortable minute, saying all kinds of things about staying away from Emmett and having a word with my dad. The worst part was that I wasn't even convinced Bella realized what she put her father through. Never had I seen someone so selfish as her, and I was baffled at the fact that I only saw it now. Needless to say she didn't figure on my friend list any more.

All that had led to even more drama, as Billy and the pack rounded in on me, demanding to know about Bella and why we weren't keeping to the treaty. I think that Sam and some of the younger ones were ready to fight me over it, something I couldn't allow seeing as I couldn't shift – something I had successfully kept hidden so far. Thankfully Leah proved a wonderful Beta as she started barking out orders to everyone and reminded them who their leader was.

Dad was another matter. He arrived, livid, accompanied by Sue. Emmett had been quite cold to him, and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it. Sure, Dad hadn't been a role model, but he was still Dad ... And Dad being my dad, I still loved him despite whatever had happened. Nonetheless, it seemed to shake him, as he demanded to know everything that had happened.

I remember that I had been very close to walking away from him there and then – what right had he to give me orders after what he had said and done ? Either because of the sliver of hope for reconciliation or my respect for him despite it all, I launched into an account, starting from the moment when I had walked out from his home.

He remained impassive during the complete account, and stayed silent a long time after I was done. I hadn't spared him anything, not the details of my near deaths nor my infinite love for my Imprint or my iron will to keep my son. Again, I'm not sure what caused Dad's change of heart, my account or Sue's killing look, probably a bit of both. Nonetheless, he cleared his throat awkwardly before saying that he was sorry for how he acted, and that he would love more than anything to have the right to be my son's grandfather. Honestly, I had never once thought about the fact that my son would be Dad's grandchild.

It raised mixed feelings in me; anger at Dad for how he had treated just that, his grandchild and elation at the chance of making up with my dad. I clearly remember Emmett nudging me to hug Dad, something I'll always be grateful for. If anyone knew how little time with family we are all granted, it was my Imprint.

Long story short, I made up with Dad, and dragged him at once to Carlisle's study to get him a new ultrasound. Sue did a lot of squealing, Emmett – as for every ultrasound – couldn't keep the proud grin off his face or the eyes off the screen, and Dad had whispered '_my grandson_'. Before leaving, the ultrasound clutched to his chest, Dad had said that he would be very happy if I would come by sometimes, and that he understood if I didn't want to after everything that happened.

What with Charlie's melt-down and Dad's impromptu arrival, it had been a long day, but also an emotional one, and those days are the most tiring. That's probably why I reacted the way I did when Carlisle dropped a bomb over dinner, or at least so it seemed to me at the time.

The whole coven, minus Edward and Bella, were in the living room, comfortably sitting on couches and chatting with each other rather happily. I was sitting on the floor, eating on the low table between Emmett's legs, who was sitting behind me, his back leaning against the couch.

Carlisle, during a lull in the discussions, said off-handedly "Well, we're eventually going to have to move now that Charlie thinks Bella dead. I think we should stay a couple of months until people forget about the death and the absence of a funeral before we leave. We're going to have to go to our estate in Birmingham shire."

I froze. They were leaving ? Emmett was leaving ? I went cold inside and my heart clenched. I couldn't go through the loneliness again, I just couldn't... I turned my head, terrified to see my Imprint agree with Carlisle and making plans to move.

Which was exactly what I saw. He was chatting happily to Jasper, who was sitting near on the couch, about loving their Birmingham shire estate.

"I don't feel so good..." I muttered and took refuge in the bedroom as soon as possible. I was beyond tears, I felt numb, completely numb.

Emmett came in not long after "Hey, are you alright ?" He asked worriedly.

I blinked a few times before repeating dumbly "You're leaving."

He shrugged "Well, yeah, we can never stay too long at the same place or people start to suspect, it's a bitch really, but at least –"

Unable to stop myself, I had jumped onto him and clutched the back of his shirt tightly "You can't." I said firmly, before repeating it in a more pleading, almost begging voice "You can't."

"What ? God, Jake, you think I would just leave you here ? Fuck, I'm sorry I didn't make it clear, we're sticking together whatever happens. Either you're coming with us or I'm staying here but there's no way in hell I'm going away from _you_."

I don't remember everything that happened after that. I only know there were quite a lot of tears, a lot of apologies from both sides and then I fell into a very deep slumber after the day's exertions. The next morning there was some intense make up sex involving the cock ring and some delicious teasing.

* * *

Dad answered some of my questions when I went to his place with Emmett. It took me at least a week before I felt like meeting Dad again; I couldn't snap my fingers and forget about everything that happened, but after a while I had to face the fact that he was probably doing what he thought was best for him. What helped most, really, was when my Imprinted noted that him and my dad had reacted much the same way.

When he had said that, wind stopped blowing into the sails that drove my anger, and the fired died down. It had been a subtle reminder that Emmett only had been quicker at accepting the inevitable.

Dad confirmed that shifters were pregnant for about eight to nine months, that they couldn't shift and that their wolves' powers mostly disappeared when the wolf was carrying. He added that I wouldn't show before the three last months or so, but that when I started showing it would quickly grow and I would have to take it slowly and avoid exertion.

With a heavy sigh, he confirmed that delivery happened by C-section, and the shifter would be warned by contraction-like pains that the moment was upon him. He admitted sourly that many male wolves died in delivery, but only because they rarely had access to fancy medical equipment, and anyway most delivered many decades ago when knowledge was very incomplete.

However, it seemed the inner wolf came back to help the shifter during the delivery, making him immune to most infections and much more resistant to blood loss and other such issues. I would need to make sure I had high energy levels near the end to fuel my wolf when the moment came. Therefore, any loss of energy such as the one Carlisle reported could prove fatal. If I started growing cold, for example, I would have to start eating like an ogre because it meant my energy levels were running low. Lack of energy meant that I would be much more susceptible to infectious diseases.

Thankfully, Dad ended on a happier note, saying that all children born this way had survived and that all turned out to be strong shifters, as all of them carried the gene, strengthened by the fact that it was brought down my two male genotypes – to Leah's protests about him being a misogynist, he gently reminded us that Leah was the first ever female wolf to phase, and as such a heterosexual coupling couldn't provide with a rich gene pool as a homosexual one. On the other, since Emmett had sired our son, he wasn't really sure what the result would be; this was, after all, a first.

On the way home, I had thought that Emmett's spirits would be down. Even though he had sworn to stay positive, Dad's detailed analysis was a bit gory and worrisome. I have to admit that after hearing all that I felt a bit uneasy, my certainty of survival was somewhat lessened. What if, as Carlisle suggested, the baby was partly vampire and it started consuming my energy like it did for Bella ? She died for God's Sake !

I was surprised, though. Emmett was, just the opposite, quite cheerful. That night, I admitted that I wasn't feeling so certain of myself any more, since I had decided when all this began that my Imprint deserved nothing less than 100% honesty. His answer was welcome "Jake, now we know what you're facing. Don't forget that Carlisle is a trained doctor who knows what he's doing. I know he has done quite a few C-sections, and all of them were successful. Today we have antibiotics, and many other drugs to prevent infections. Hell, something as simple as aseptic and antiseptic measures help ! We just have to keep you good and fat." He finished with a slight sneer

His light tone was a blessing and a balm, as were his words. The rest of the night was spent joking about me getting fat, and worries were far from my mind when I fell asleep. I hadn't even wondered whether or not Emmett was putting on a show for me.

* * *

Weeks passed by. Renesmee moved to the cottage as soon as Bella felt there was no more risk – and Edward agreed. The baby quickly became a child. The family (Bella, Edward and their child) spent most of their days at the mansion even though they didn't live there any more. Nessie, as the child became nick-named by Seth, who quickly grew to love the child, was growing at an incredible rate. The Cullens took dozens of pictures to make up for the lack of time they would have to enjoy her youth. I didn't care much for the child myself, preferring to stick to my Imprint's hip as much as possible.

My own pregnancy was coming along perfectly, as Carlisle kept saying. The fetus, although I preferred to call it 'my son', grew at the normal rate and showed no sign of being a vampire. My sugar levels were staying quite high, probably thanks to the energy-rich diet Emmett was giving me, and the lack of exercise. Meals were now composed of delicious plates of pasta, rice or potatoes cooked in the most imaginative of ways. I never failed to thank my Imprint for the meals; I realized only too well that without this talent for cooking I would have grown bored indeed of the same carbohydrates.

I visited Dad regularly, and from time to time met with the pack, although there was nothing to discuss, really. I remember those times as some of the best in my life, although that might have been because of the contrast with what was to come. Emmett and I didn't have a single argument, and I was plain happy. Seldom had I been able to say that I was plain happy, without adding any 'but's.

Things got a shade more complicated when I started showing. At first it wasn't much, I simply looked like I had had too much beer for too many years. My perfectly formed abs slowly etched away, and my belly inflated. Changes were small, but they were still there; my back would ache from time to time, I would be more tired, and I felt dizzy and sick in the mornings. Not quite all the way to morning sickness, thank God, but my legendary appetite never showed before noon, at which point I had to eat slowly.

Emmett also started acting like I was made of china, which was very frustrating. Thankfully though, after a stern talking-to, he stopped carrying me around or doing things for me. I might have been pregnant, but I would be damned the day I wasn't able to get myself a cup of tea on my own.

That wasn't the worst though. My dear Imprint, following Carlisle's advice, started getting very gentle during our love-making sessions. At first I just ground my teeth at his deliberate slow pace when we fucked, but I would eventually snap and tell him to 'move-his-arse-God-damn-it-before-I-rode-him-the-h ell-out'.

I also started having mood swings, something Emmett tolerated only mildly. I invariably hated myself for yelling or snapping, but I was never able to stop myself from doing it again. I hated that he would do anything for me, but that it was never really good enough for me. I always found something to nag about, and some days I found myself wishing he'd slap me and tell me to behave. Nothing less than I deserved, in other words.

The issue about sex led to a major falling out that shook me to my core. I will always remember that evening. After a particularly unsatisfactory session where Emmett had gone at a gentle pace, I had snapped, again. After a very long uncomfortable silence during which I brooded darkly, my Imprint had suggested hesitantly I tried topping.

I'm ashamed to say that I had jumped on the idea. I had never really entertained the idea, but at that moment, fucking Emmett and showing him how a real man fucks his boyfriend was dreadfully tempting. The room was quite dark, and I was engrossed in my own selfish pleasure.

Emmett had positioned himself on all fours, and I had eagerly lubed him up. Penetration had been as satisfying as that moment, in whichever sport you played, when the ball enters the hole. I snaked a hand to his cock, and found it soft and shrivelled to a small size – small for Emmett, anyway.

Soon after I heard the whimpering, and much, much worse, the pleading in a hushed voice "_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me, please, please._" I had frozen, and then heard the worst word "_Uncle._"

My cock growing soft in under a millisecond, I had pulled away. Immediately, Emmett had curled in a ball and started sobbing desperately. Saying that it broke my heart or that I loathed myself would be a gross under-statement.

I closed my eyes, the memory all too vivid.

**[Flashback]**

I reached for my Imprint's shoulder, struggling to produce so much as a sound. Emmett flinched when I touched him, and I jerked my hand away as though burnt. "_Please don't hurt me_." He whispered again in a broken voice.

Tears streaming down my face I had pleaded "Emmett, it's me, Jacob, your uncle is dead, he can't hurt you." My priority was to restore his sanity before spending the next decade apologizing.

I tried to plead with him, but he seemed untouchable in his dread. I was starting to feel dead inside, realizing I, the Imprinter, had hurt Emmett in a way no one else could have, and that I may very well be unable to repair the damage done.

I tried everything I could think, from trying to remind him of the good times, of our son, of whom I was, to something as stupid as singing lullabies. Nothing worked. I was only making things worse, in fact, I could see Emmett was terrified that I would hurt him in some way. I tried moving in for a hug, I wanted nothing else than to hold him against my heart, wrap him in heat and show him I was there. His only reaction was to sob harder and start pleading again "_Please ! I'm sorry ! Don't hurt me ..."_

In desperation, I closed myself in the bathroom, sitting down on the cold tiles, legs to my chest and rocking back and forth, praying that I would be able to stay sane for Emmett's sake.

The same questions swirled in my head, how could I have done this to him ? How could I have forgotten about his past ? How could I have been so completely obnoxious to anything but my pleasure ?

After an undefined amount of time, I gathered what courage and energy remained in me, and returned to my Imprint. He had stopped sobbing. Now he was lying still, curled up. Red tears were trickling down his nose, dripping onto the pillow.

"Emmett ?" I asked, my voice wavering.

This time he looked up, and his look very nearly killed me. It was filled with such sadness, such pain, emotions so powerful only a being as old as Emmett could produce. It was another blow to my heart, another strike to add to my self flagellation.

I slowly made my way to the bed, and heaved a sigh when my Imprint let me touch him.

That night nothing was said, we were simply hugging. I did not fall asleep. We both did a lot of crying though. One moment I would simply feel sad and the next anger would flame up in me against that cursed uncle of Emmett's. How could anyone do this to a child ? How could anyone be so deranged ?

**[End Flashback]**

I opened my eyes. The guilt was eating me alive, but I couldn't find the words. Words couldn't explain what I wanted to say, what I felt, how sorry I was. I swallowed thickly "Emmett, I'm going to take care of you however long it takes, and I'll spend the coming years apologizing. As soon as I'm through with this pregnancy, I'll take care of you just like an Imprinter is supposed to, you'll see."

Emmett slowly shook his head "I'm okay. And you don't need to apologize, I should never had suggested that ..." All the previous tension came back and I broke down, sobbing in Emmett's arms, desperately repeating how terribly sorry I was.

"Let's not do that again, alright ?" Emmett asked.

"Never, ever again. I am _so_ sorry, Em'. I didn't think .. I should have guessed, I should've-"

"Jake." He cut me off firmly "If anyone should have known it was me. I just – you seemed so disappointed that I thought we could try..." He shivered "I didn't even know I had those memories left. I must have really freaked you out, I'm sorry. I was like paralysed in my own nightmare. Somewhere I knew it was you, though, otherwise I would have gotten really dangerous."

"I'll help you out of it, you see." I said full of conviction.

"I know you will, I trust you." Emmett said, snuggling into my arms.

Neither of us got out of bed before it was dark outside. My guilt melted away slowly over time, washed out by our tears and by Emmett's wet smile. After the whole day spent in bed, my Imprint had this glow around him, the one anyone has after being very sad but feeling better. That sense of lightness that follows a lot of crying, that feeling of freedom at having someone's arms to cry in, someone's ear to open his heart to.

That episode cured me of my mood swings, and I can honestly say that I never felt closer to Emmett than after this ordeal. It's incredible how tears and sadness were a much stronger bond than laughter and happiness.

Most of this was swamped away when Alice broke a vase one day, whispering terrified '_They're coming._'


	53. Last Thoughts

**Warning : Explicit Gay Sex.**

* * *

**Chapter LIII : LAST THOUGHTS  
**

* * *

Alice was fuzzy on the details. All she knew was that we had two weeks before the Volturri would arrive, masses of psychopathic vampires behind them, to eradicate the Cullens. It seemed someone had gone blabbing to them about Renesmee, mistaking her for an 'immortal child'.

An 'immortal child' was supposed to be a child changed into a vampire. I wasn't too clear what exactly was the difference between that and Renesmee but Emmett explained it pretty well. Immortal children seemed to be unable to grow, and their bloodlust couldn't be controlled. Renesmee, on the other hand, had a beating heart, could eat human food although she preferred raw steaks, and was growing at an insane speed.

One week had gone since Alice's vision. I was entering my sixth month of pregnancy, and my belly was quickly expanding. Carlisle's latest prediction was that I would deliver sometimes in early August, or eight months after conception. Although I had barely looked on the fat side after the disastrous sex with Emmett, now I looked truly pregnant.

The pregnancy was taking its toll. Morning found me dizzy and sick, although thankfully most of the time there was still no vomiting ... Small efforts forced me to sit down and recuperate, and I went to bed earlier each evening, sleeping twelve hours most nights. Although I didn't feel fat, the huge belly was really too weird. I had to account for it all the time and it took a lot of getting used to. No more sleeping on my belly, sitting down slowly, a real effort to stand up, walking slowly so as not to fall over, taking things so slowly in the shower I felt like a glass-man and so much more.

I still ate as much, but I had to force myself to eat more and more often. Emmett kept shovelling more food on my plate until I begged for mercy, and he only stopped after a lot of grumbling about keeping my sugar levels up. The meals were richer in calories with every day that passed, most days he made cake with tons of butter and sugar, carbohydrates with cheese or whatever ... It was always incredibly good, but I had trouble understanding how I could eat so much and not get fat.

I mean sure, usually I ate almost as much, but I'd actually do stuff during the day ! Now I spent most of my days lying and sitting, fidgeting with nervous energy. And still Emmett was worried because he thought I was getting thinner. This was corroborated by Carlisle, who noted a very slight decrease in my blood sugar concentration, so Emmett took to feeding me four times a day, and sometimes it felt like I had eaten enough for the following ten decades. I rarely was hungry when I ate any more, but I never complained, Dad's warning fresh in my mind. Moreover I knew my Imprint was getting worried, and no matter how much he smiled or laughed, I could sense it. The least I could do was eat and shut up.

Carlisle had suggested to inject me with calories if things got dramatic, but I had protested, surely there was no need for that ! Thankfully Emmett had agreed, as long as I kept eating as much as I did, and only slightly losing weight, we agreed I'd be fine. Nonetheless, as Carlisle remarked, this pregnancy could hardly be a regular one, as no woman ever had the problem I had. Dad reluctantly agreed that I couldn't have an entirely human baby ... The question was, what exactly was growing inside me ? I had a feeling my son would be a strong wolf, but my current state cast doubts on my certainties.

But at the time, this wasn't at the forefront of my mind. No, I wasn't losing too much weight and I could eat huge amounts, so unless things changed I would be fine. What really worried me was my Imprint. We had only discussed the upcoming fight once; and even if we hadn't, I knew perfectly well there was nothing I could say to make Emmett pull back from it.

I had discussed it with the pack, and no matter how much I insisted on how dangerous it would be, and that they didn't _need_ to fight because no humans would be in danger, they all planned on joining the Cullens. In past weeks, shifters had often come to the mansion, either to chat with me or to train with one of the Cullens – usually Jasper, Emmett or Rosalie – and bonds were slowly forming between the pack and the vampires.

The pack had argued that if they were discovered by the Volturri, they would likely be killed anyway, so they might as well join forces with the Cullens. I think the easy victory against the newborns had made them overconfident, but none of my words could sway them. In any case, it seemed I was a much better Alpha than Sam, because if anything they wanted to protect me and my baby, nicknamed 'Spike' by Seth, since I refused to tell anyone about the name, Will.

After our brief discussion about the fight, Emmett and I decided to put it out of our minds as much as possible and enjoy the two weeks left. Well, one, now. Emmett's arguments had been simple; we had to win in order for us to have a future together, so he would do anything he could to win. In addition, since he was the strongest vampire, he was the only one who could take a monster of the Volturri guard, Felix. I didn't know much about the latter, but the idea of Emmett fighting the red-eyed vampire always filled me with a cold sense of foreboding.

My protests that I would die without Emmett had been swept away by none other than Dad, who had explained that the Imprint would break to allow me to take care of Will. I hoped to God Dad wasn't saying that just to keep me away from the fighting, but I had a hard time imagining he would do something like that. In any case, since I wasn't able to shift, I would be more of a hindrance than anything else, so I hadn't even tried to convince Emmett to let me participate. As much as I couldn't imagine losing my Imprint, I had to consider Will, and everything I had done to come this far.

Finally, Emmett had explained that he couldn't simply pull away from the fight when all his family was going. I understood just fine what he meant, remembering what it had felt like when Emmett had asked me to step down from Victoria's fight. So I hadn't argued that, either. In the end, we both knew that he would fight, and that there was nothing I could do or say to change it. I saw it as something unavoidable, but Emmett saw it differently.

I knew he was headstrong, but he had cultivated an iron determination to destroy every last one of the Volturri Guard and come back to me unscathed. I knew that he had formulated a plan with Bella and Edward combining their special talents to use against the Guard. Bella would use her shielding power to protect Edward and Emmett; while Edward would use his mindreading ability to warn and guide the actions of Emmett, who would take on the Volturri Guard one after the other. I saw many flaws in his brilliant plan, but I had to admit it was a good one. I had faith in Emmett's determination, and I had seen his strength in action. If he saw things coming thanks to Edward and if he didn't have to worry about cowards like Jane and her brother, he would be a force to be reckoned with.

I had watched him fight a number of times. The Cullens trained daily, aided by the constant flow of friends and supporters that showed up every day. Emmett could take on two or three at a time, depending on how skilled they were. He had this glint in the eye that gave me hope. Between fights he would glance at me and be filled with new determination. He hadn't lost a single fight yet, except against someone who didn't play fair like that bitch from the North who could electrocute you or Jasper who would take the will to fight from you.

When I had asked him about that glint in his eyes, he had simply answered "I can't lose, because I have to come back to you." As the time when Emmett had simply forsaken all worry to enjoy the time with me a few months ago, he had simply refused the possibility that he might lose. They say that the most dangerous man is the one that has nothing to lose, but after seeing Emmett in those days, I believed the most dangerous man was the one who had something worth fighting for.

Sex was something that changed in those days, too. After the incident, both our sex drives had gone into hiding. In addition, the sick smell of vampires all around the house was a real turn-off. Finally, having sex with a huge belly made things incredibly weird and awkward. I think Emmett and I preferred to have nothing instead of the boring slow, gentle sex we would be forced to have. I also think we were both thinking about the baby, trying to avoid shaking him too much.

The baby ... My son was giving signs of life, I felt him give a tiny kick from time to time. The ultrasounds were cuter every time, and I knew Emmett kept every single one of them preciously in his binder. One day, Edward picked up on a stray thought of my baby, making both Emmett and I squeal with excitement, and we harassed him for a couple of the following days to know whether there was anything else.

When I went to sleep, Emmett would lie his head gently on my belly, his ear firmly pressed against me, and listen to the two heartbeats that he could now pick up on. Often he would sigh with pleasure, whispering "My boys ..." filling my heart with bubbles of happiness.

Although we had decided to put the upcoming fight out of our minds, I couldn't help but let my brain linger on it when there was nothing else to fill it with. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Edward and Bella had gone away to seek help from 'friends'. Emmett and I stayed at the mansion and welcomed them all. Well, Emmett did that, we had agreed that seeing a wolf would hardly endear them to our cause, so I spent a lot of time at Dad's or in the bedroom.

In any case, Emmett insisted that I would be better protected if no one knew about me, and I tended to agree. Being amongst a nest of vampires, some of them with freaky red eyes wasn't conducive to a peaceful mind. Some hated shifters, and a pregnant one who couldn't shift kind of made an ideal target ...

Well, time flew by frightfully quickly. Before I knew it, the two weeks were up, and it was my last night with Emmett. My belly had grown so much I could hardly believe it; most of the clothes I was wearing were XXL shirts and low-waist training pants. It seemed to have stopped expanding though, and I could only hope this was its final size until delivery. My sugar levels, which Carlisle checked quickly that very day, were holding up just fine.

Early the following morning, Emmett would drive me to Dad's, where I would stay until everything was over and he came back, or ... Well, or until he didn't come back, so to speak.

At the moment, I was in bed with my Imprint, lying on my side as it was the most comfortable position I could find, Emmett tightly pressed behind me, both his hands resting to feel the baby's life thrumming. We didn't talk. I felt like there was nothing to say. All I wanted was to get the waiting over with, at which point I would be either be more relieved than I had ever been, or wishing I could make time go back.

Before I fell asleep though, there was an urge that came from deep within me "Emmett, will you make love to me one last time ?" I asked in a deadly low voice.

"No."

"What ? But –" I started stammering.

"This isn't going to be the last time, Jake. I know it's not easy, but you need to stop thinking like that. I'll go absolutely berserk on those vamps and make sure I come back to you in one piece, I have absolutely no doubt about it whatsoever." As the saying goes, easier said than done ... Then he added "But I will gladly make love to you tonight Jake."

He pressed a delicate kiss to my neck, and I let all my muscles go lax. I didn't know what he was planning or anything, and I didn't have the energy or the courage to be responsive. I just wanted him to make love to me, to feel his presence in the most intimate of ways.

He stripped me of my clothes gently, and soon I felt him rub his cold hard cock slowly between my arse cheeks, one of his hands taking hold of my chin to claim my mouth in a deep lingering kiss. The sexual hazed slowly took over my brain, and I was able to let go of all coherent thoughts or worries, something that only happened when I could surrender to Emmett completely.

That night my Imprint was gentle and delicate, but it was perfect. That night I didn't crave wild animalistic sex, I only wanted to feel loved. A finger brushed on my nipple, coating it with massage oil that spread onto my bulging chest. Soon his hands were roaming all over my lubricated tummy, leaving goosebumps in their wake. My cock was hard and standing at attention, wanting nothing else than a cold hand to bring it slowly to completion.

Emmett's hands made their way slowly down my chest, and after a while a teasing thumb found my cockhead and rubbed it gently. I moaned at the delicious feeling and arched my arse onto my Imprint's cock, feeling it tease my hole as it rubbed along my crease.

The cold presence behind me withdrew and I mewled at the loss of sensations. I didn't have to wait long; Emmett snaked an arm between my legs, forcing me to spread them slightly. His hand took hold of my balls, playing with them, rolling one after the other between a thumb and a forefinger. All the while his palm was rubbing on my sweet spot under my sac, and from time to time a finger would gently trace the underside of my cock.

A hand behind me took a gentle hold of an arse cheek, and crept into the cleft, a lubed forefinger rubbing insistently against my hole, which was oozing with heat and begging to be fucked with a cold cock. Emmett was mercifully quick about foreplay. Before I knew it, I could feel his taut chest in my back as he pressed himself against me, and his cock was slowly pushing its way into me.

One of his hands was still slowly stroking my cock, and the other was rubbing my shoulder affectionately. I let my head fall to the pillow with a strangled moan at how good it all felt. My Imprint was whispering tender words to my ear, and peppering my neck with gentle kisses. We both melted into each other as he made short work of seating himself into my hole.

He began to rock back and forth slowly. There was no pain, no slight burn, and it felt great. I was open and relaxed for my Imprint, who was gentle and slow. He slowly brought us to completion, and it was with stuttering promises of eternal love that we came together.

We didn't say anything else that night, but there wasn't really any need to. Deeds could speak better than words, and in that case our bodies did all the talking that would be needed.


	54. The Fight

**Warning : Very heavy angst, Multiple character deaths.  
**

* * *

**Chapter LIV : THE FIGHT  
**

* * *

Early that morning, Emmett had brought me to Dad's, where I now was waiting. My Imprint had given me a long, last kiss before walking away determinedly, not giving me a glance back. I knew he firmly believed that he would come back, but ... Well, let's put it this way; determination might not be enough if they ended up at twenty to one against the trained Volturri Guard.

In particular, I knew that only Emmett and Bella would have the strength to take on Felix, the strongest of the Guard. My Imprint actually _wanted_ to take on the crazed sadist, something that had me feeling queasy. And I wasn't even mentioning all those other monstrosities: Jane, Alec, Aro ...

I was sitting on Seth's bed, since I didn't have one any longer at Dad's. My back was firmly pressed against the wall, my legs were brought up as much as possible to my bulging belly, and my arms were hugging myself. Dad had had the sense to leave me in peace. Now I could only wait for Emmett to come back. He would come back. He had to come back. I needed him to come back. I couldn't even consider a future without him !

I looked around the room. The rainbow T-shirt that Emmett had bought Seth for Christmas had been nailed to the wall opposite the bed, Leah's dog-trap was standing proudly on the top of a chest of drawers. On the desk, a framed picture of Leah, Seth, Emmett and me that had been taken during New Year's. I let my mind wander to Seth. I hoped the kid would be fine. He deserved to be happy, he was cute and the kindest person on earth.

I closed my eyes tightly shut as tears threatened to spill.

I curled my toes, fighting back the impulse to run out and see how things were going for myself. Had they started yet ? Would they even need to fight ? Maybe they would be able to convince them that the child wasn't a regular immortal one ...

Yeah. Right. Edward thought Aro would find a way to provoke a fight, because he wanted to get his hands on Alice and Ed'. Was Emmett safe ?

He had to. He had to be safe.

Please say he was safe ! I needed him to be safe so badly !

I would feel it if anything happened to him, right ? The Imprint would alert me to any injury.

So, as far as I didn't feel anything, Emmett should be safe. Safe. He had to be safe.

"_I will be back._" He had promised. He better be. If he didn't make good on his promise I would haul his arse back from wherever vampires were sent after death and shackle him to me.

I started staring fixedly at a clock on the wall...

9:56:52 ...

9:57:36...

9:58:21...

Surely time couldn't go this slowly ? And wasn't a fight supposed to be quick, anyway ?

I buried my head in my arms, and started breathing heavily. Emmett had to be safe. Emmett had to be safe. He just _had _to be !

* * *

I don't know how long I stayed there, tormenting myself. After what seemed like an eternity, and when no news arrived, I jumped out of bed and barged out of the bedroom. I had to know. I had to see for myself.

But I couldn't ! I had to stay safe, for Will, for my son.

I groaned. I could feel the Imprint pulling me towards Emmett. I had to find out if he was ok ! I had to see for myself, how did I ever think I would be able to stay cooped in here ?!

Will. Think of Will. You need to stay for your son's sake, Jake. Emmett swore he would come back, and he hadn't broken any of his promises. I could trust my Imprint. I had to.

But what if something happened ?

"God..." I muttered. This was tearing me apart, and there was nothing I could do.

The Imprint had been described to me like gravity shifting. Well, nobody can resist gravity forever. Like a puppet, I stood up, knowing what I had to do.

Escaping through the window wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, but I was able to in the end. Dad didn't hear me pad silently away. Even if he had, I doubt he'd had been able to stop me. Anyway, he was probably with Sue, trying to reassure her that nothing would befall her two kids.

The Imprint was pulling me, I didn't even need to know where I was headed. I went slowly, carefully, aware that my presence had to remain unnoticed by the Volturri. I would observe from afar, under the wind to make sure no one spotted or smelled me. And if I had to, I would save Emmett. How, I didn't know, but I would find a way, I had to, I couldn't live without him.

It didn't take me long to get to the battlefield. Or maybe it did but I was too busy tearing my nails to shreds.

The sound came before the sight. Yells, sickening 'cracks' and 'thuds', crazy laughter and growls. I tip-toed forward, mindful of the wind. So far the air was completely still, as though time had stopped in that very place.

Just as I was about to enter the field, I spotted a large bush behind which I would be able to hide somewhat. Crouching, I peered intently at the events. Wolves were growling and tearing vampires to bits, but my heart clenched at noticing there weren't that many of them. I couldn't even imagine what had happened to the rest ...

The Volturri were clad in rich red robes that made them easily identifiable. There were many of them ... Too many. I spotted Jane and Alec, holding hands, one inflicting pain while the other removed all senses to anyone who got near. I spotted the leader, Aro, who was working with a horrifying efficiency with Felix.

And with a rush of relief so great my head started spinning, I found my beloved Imprint. His face betrayed the absolute concentration he employed to tear his enemies to bits. Bella and Edward weren't far, doing their best to cover him while he methodically killed Volturri after Volturri.

Sam's large black wolf was near Rosalie, and they were working in unison to fight. It seemed mostly everyone I knew had teamed up to dispatch the unorganized enemy one by one. The Guard might have special talents and might have been powerful, but we knew each other by heart, that had to count for something !

My attention was drawn back to Emmett, who was nearing Jane and Alec slowly, apparently intent on ending them for good. My heart started hammering, this was one of the two scenarios I had feared. The two red-eyed vampires weren't far from my hide-out, but were focused with sadistic grins on torturing a golden eyed vampire I didn't recognize. Felix and Aro approached, and within less than a heartbeat the vampire had been ripped apart.

I felt cold dread creep onto me. Emmett was now approaching Jane, Alec, Felix and Aro at the same time. The two scenarios I had feared at the same time ... My hand silently scanned the ground for a sharp rock. If I had to cut myself to distract the Volturri, I wouldn't hesitate to jump from my hiding place and do it. But I needed to wait for the absolute last moment, I needed to trust Emmett and protect Will as much as possible !

Rosalie glanced at her ex-husband and I saw her face twist in worry. She turned to help him, and Sam joined him. Bella and Edward were sticking close to each other, a pace beside my Imprint. Edward was muttering, probably translating their enemies' thoughts, and Bella was focusing her shield on whomever Jane targeted.

I saw what was going to happen before they did. Alec had crept up on Edward and Bella, and all too soon they disappeared in a large black smoke. At the same time, Jane turned her sadistic smile to my beloved Imprint and the field was filled with his roars of pain. The sounds were so loud and heart-wrenching that almost everyone turned to see where the sound came from.

Felix started at a slow pace for Emmett. Aro was covering him.

I didn't hesitate. Jumping from behind the bush, I yelled "OVER HERE" before plunging the sharp end of the rock into the crook of my elbow, creating a thin but quick trickle of blood.

Alec, Jane, Aro and Felix's nostrils flared. They all turned to me, and in that was enough for Emmett to take a quick breath and lunge for Jane. The black smoke vanished, but it took some time for Bella and Edward to realize what was happening.

The vampires were moving a tad too fast for me to follow their movement. Jane was on the ground, her head torn off. Aro was engaged by Rosalie and Sam, while Felix lunged for me.

Emmett appeared in front of me at the last second, but Felix must have seen this coming because my Imprint was taken into a headlock before he could blink.

Everything was happening too quickly ! Emmett started making crackling sounds and my eyes widened as I realized what was happening. I ran for him, ready to sprinkle some of my blood onto Felix in a vain attempt at saving the man I loved.

Before I got there, though, there was a particularly sinister sound, and Emmett gave me a last glance, mouthing '_I love you'_.

But something no one expected happened. An enormous wolf lunged from behind me, and managed to sink his fangs into Felix's throat without harming my Imprint. Before I knew it, Felix was lying on the ground, lifeless, and Emmett had sunk to his knees, spluttering.

The large wolf stayed next to my Imprint, apparently keeping watch. His massive head glanced back at me, and a flicker of recognition shook me; Paul ! Paul had just saved Emmett's life !

My Imprint stood up, and cast a reassuring smile my way, before turning to Paul "No one touches Jake." To my surprise, Paul nodded immediately, and came to stand in front of me.

* * *

The loss of Jane, Felix and Alec – courtesy of Bella – was a hard blow for the Volturri. Aro was also killed, although I had no idea when or by whom. The red caped vampires started dwindling in numbers, and the tide turned.

A few Volturri fled when they noticed they were losing, but were quickly caught by Edward, who was much faster than any of them. At a surprisingly high speed, the battle was won.

When the last Volturri fell, Paul shifted and pulled on a pair of cut-offs he had tied to his ankle. "You okay ?" He asked me in a croaked voice, maybe from disuse.

I was going to ask him when I noticed something that tore my heart apart. Seth was lying, lifeless, not too far from me. I sprinted towards the boy as fast as my condition would allow, and fell to my knees in front of him. Someone had punched his chest, where there was now a gaping hole.

Both of Seth's hands were covering the wound, in a vain attempt to stop the previous fluid from escaping his failing body. He wasn't dead. He looked up at me with a terrified look that did nothing to stop my guts from twisting.

"God ... Seth ..." I whispered, before sitting down next to him, and scooping him up onto my lap, trying not to hurt him. I knew the damage was too great, neither Carlisle's knowledge nor wolf healing would save him.

Yet, I uttered those words that haunt me to this day "You'll be alright, Seth. I'm here, you'll be fine."

"Jake ..." He moaned in a deadly whisper "I'm scared." He admitted, looking away from both me and the wound.

I clenched my teeth, feeling tears swell up. Blood was flowing all over him. I blinked away the tears, needing to stay strong for him "It's alright, Seth, I'm here. I'm here." I looked around, desperate for any kind of solution to save what felt like my baby brother. I swallowed thickly and squinted, refusing to let tears show.

"I don't –" He coughed up some blood "I don't want to die, Jake." He said, and this was what broke the dam and let my tears cascade down my cheeks.

"You're not going to, Seth. I'm here, I'll save you. Just hang in there."

"CARLISLE !" I yelled, all rational thoughts leaving my mind. I couldn't let him die, I couldn't !

I felt Will give a kick and Seth smiled "What are you going to call Spike ?"

"He's Will. And you're going to be his godfather, Seth, so hang in there." I spurted, grasping for any straw I could think of.

"I'm cold." Seth whispered, before shivering. I tried my best to wrap him in my heat, but having an enormous belly didn't make things easy.

"CARLISLE !" I yelled again, desperate for someone to tell me Seth was going to be alright.

"Jake ... Can you tell Sis' and Mom I love them ?" He asked shyly.

I blinked away more tears "You'll tell them yourself, Seth. You'll see." "CARLISLE !"

"Jake ... Thanks for ... being there ... for me ... You're a good ... friend ..." He wheezed, breath leaving him. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as guilt assaulted me. I had helped Seth when I could but I had been so obsessed by my life with Emmett that I hadn't done nearly as much as I could have !

"You're a good friend too, Seth. You're like my little brother, I love you."

And with a last warm smile, Seth expired, going limp in my arms. "No, no, no ..." I moaned in pain, keeping a tight hold on the bright flame that had been Seth.

Leah let out a blood curling scream, and I could only guess she had seen her little brother, dead in my arms, as I rocked him, trying to prevent the emotions from taking over completely and making me go insane with pain at the loss.

Leah's face didn't have the usual bitter expression, it was a mask of pain and sadness as she ran for me. She skidded and took hold of Seth's cooling cheeks "Seth ? Seth ? Come on, answer me Lil' Bro' ! SETH ! SETH !" She ripped him out of my arms and embraced his cold body, pressing him against her bosom muttering "No, no, no, no, no !"

I stood up on shaky legs, needing to get away from the horrifying site. I noticed Paul, who was watching me from afar, apart from everyone else but probably ready to pounce if anything or anyone threatened me. I also noticed Carlisle, with a very dark expression, setting fire to the Volturri bodies. Esme was by his side, helping him in the gruesome task that couldn't wait. On the side were Bella and Edward, sitting with Renesmee, closed down into their own world.

As I walked aimlessly, my heart was ripped to smaller and smaller pieces. Here Alice was lying, a terrified expression fixed on her face. Not far was Jasper, his face set in a cold fury, and it didn't take much to figure out what had happened. Sam was sitting on his haunches as a wolf with Embry, howling and whining at Quil, Brady and Collin's dead bodies.

I realized that Emmett was nowhere in sight. My heart started off at a crazy rhythm again and I whipped round and round, willing my Imprint to stand somewhere, alive and well. My fear only increased when I thought about the fact that I hadn't seen him since the battle ended.

Please say he wasn't injured in the last seconds ! I needed him to be well and alive.

I was about to yell his name when I saw him, and what was left of my heart was blown away. He was kneeling and holding Rosalie, his beautiful face twisted in pain while red tears ran down his perfect nose and trickled onto his ex-wife.

Rosalie was moving feebly. Both her arms had been ripped out, as had been one of her legs. There were white cracks on her throat, and I didn't understand why they hadn't healed already.

I wanted nothing else than help my Imprint, help him deal with the pain, but they seemed so intimate that I couldn't. Instead, I sat down, my legs hurting from all the running considering my new weight. I couldn't keep my eyes off Rosalie and Emmett though, and I heard bribes of their conversation. I felt awful for being so voyeuristic, but this was my Imprint dammit !

Worse, an old prickle of jealousy was coursing down my body. I had always been jealous of what Emmett and Rosalie shared, I had always been jealous when he mentioned her name, I had always been in somewhat of a competition with her. I hated myself for being jealous in a moment such as this, but I reasoned that it wasn't my fault. Wolves were known to be territorial and I had one deep within me.

Emmett was MINE for God's Sake ! Suddenly I felt an urge to strode over to them and yank my Imprint away. I did my best to suppress such horrible feelings that would bring nothing but anger from Emmett and horrible guilt later on from my part. I had never known exactly what Emmett felt for her. He had never told me that he didn't love her any more, he had never told me that it was over. She had ended it, he had more or less accepted it and I had swooped in. But what if she wanted him back ?

I was a horrible mess of emotions. There was too much too take in. Seth's horrible death, Alice, Jasper, and now this. Plus the adrenaline rush that was coming to an end and leaving me dizzy. I laid down, worried about my baby on top of everything else.

Paul came to stand not too far from me "I'll watch over you, Jake." And I fell into a deep slumber, half-coma half-sleep.


	55. The Aftermath

**Warning: Angst. Mention of gay sex.**

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**Chapter LV: THE AFTERMATH**

* * *

"Jake, Jake you should wake up." Someone's fuzzy voice was coming from afar.

"Jake, come on man !" The voice insisted. I groaned and opened my eyes. My whole body felt stiff. Paul was kneeling next to me, apparently it had been his voice. I had fallen asleep in the thick grass in the middle of the field ... I could scarcely believe it.

I sat up slowly, and memories of the fight came back. The sky had a nightly pinkish hue to it, I must have slept a long time ... I looked around, feeling helpless. So many dead... Seth ... Alice ... Jasper ... Those were the ones that hit me the hardest.

And of course there was Rosalie ... Thinking of Rosalie "Do you know where Emmett is ?" I asked Paul, before another thought struck me "Hey, wait, you stayed here all day ?"

Paul gripped my arm tightly and pulled me up "Yes, but I have no idea how a pregnant male works, and I didn't want you to get cold, otherwise I would have let you sleep longer. I'm bringing you back to the Cullens'." Then he frowned before adding in a disapproving tone "And your Imprint brought back that blond vamp', since she couldn't walk. He checked on you quickly and asked if I could watch over you."

I gaped "Emmett left me here and just walked away ? Wait, he left me here with you ?!"

"He must have thought that messing with a pregnant wolf was above even someone like me."

I couldn't be troubled to sympathize with Paul at that moment. Why hadn't Emmett carried me back ? Why hadn't he waked me up ? '_your Imprint brought back that blond vamp'_ Rosalie. He had chosen to take care of Rosalie instead of me. A wave of jealousy came crashing over me, and any attempt to subdue it was in vain.

"Ok, let's go back." I needed to see what was happening. I needed to know what my Imprint was up to. And I would claim him back if I needed to. He was fucking _mine_ ! We had gone through too much to stop now, there was no way I would give him up to that blond bitch !

"Hum ... Do you want to ride me ?" Paul asked nervously.

The idea of mounting a wolf while pregnant really did not appeal to me; particularly if that wolf was Paul. Granted, he had saved Emmett's life, but it would take more than that to make me trust him again "No, I'm fine, let's walk."

Paul seemed very nervous, but I wasn't entirely sure why... After five minutes of my slow step, I said "I have to thank you for what you did ... You saved Em's life."

He nodded gratefully but didn't say anything. After another couple of minutes, I asked something that had been bugging me "How did you suddenly appear at the right moment ?"

He sighed "I've been ..." He considered his next words "After what ... happened, I started realizing exactly what I did and how sick that was. My parents looked at me like I was some kind of freak ready to go off the handle at any second, and I can't really blame them. One day I just couldn't face all this any more, so I left. I mostly stayed as a wolf, it felt nice to let go of my human ... feelings. From time to time I went back, but I never stayed long and everyone seemed happy when I left again.

"When I came back last week I had planned to tell everyone I was moving away from all this. I needed to let go of those weird feelings for you, and I thought leaving everything behind would be the best way to do that. But then they told me about those vamps, and your pregnancy ... Maybe I should have gone to fight with everyone else, but I think the pack and the coven would have been really weirded out. Plus your Imprint said he never wanted to see me again, so ...

"Anyway, I figured you wouldn't fight, so I decided to keep an eye on you, just in case one of the vamps decided to go rogue. I saw that you went to your Dad's, I saw you leave the house, I followed you, and when I saw you prick your arm I thought I'd jump in front of you, but instead your Imprint got there. When that red-eyed guy got to your vampire, I couldn't just let it happen, so I did what I could." He fell silent again, while I mulled over his account.

Finally my biggest preoccupation came back to the forefront of my mind and I asked "What did Em' do while I slept ?"

Paul fidgeted and seemed to grow even more nervous. He bit his lip before saying "Look, you'll have to ask him, I did enough damage last time I came between you two." That just made things even worse.

"Just tell me." I demanded, hurrying to block his path. I needed to know.

"Jake, just don't, alright. You have no reason to trust me and I'm sick of being the bird of bad omen. As soon as I'm done delivering you I'm gone." He said firmly.

I grabbed his wrist "Paul, please just tell me."

He squared his jaw and for a moment I thought he was going to deck me, but instead he said in a flat tone "He kissed her. Your Imprint kissed his ex-wife." And with that he skidded around me, leaving me gaping.

My Emmett kissed someone else ? He kissed his ex-wife ?!

My first thought was that at least now I knew how it felt to have the person you loved more than anything kiss someone else.

My second thought was; could I really trust Paul ? I decided to clear everything up with Emmett before making wild accusations. We had already been down this path before, and I wasn't going to sow trouble if the story was another one of Paul's ploys.

Something bothered me though. Paul had changed, he seemed like a good guy, now. And Emmett had trusted him, so he must have thought the same thing. So maybe he wasn't lying ? But that would be worse than if he was lying …

I hurried to catch up with Paul, but this time neither of us talked until we reached the mansion. "Have a good one, Jake." Paul said tightly, before adding in a more gentle voice "I'll be home for a few days in case you need me." And he whipped around, running back into the woods.

I strode into the house, which seemed empty. It was a cool spring night and I almost felt cold. I barged into the bedroom, where, sure enough, Emmett was.

The least I could say was that he looked dreadful. He was sprawled on the couch, his face torn in sadness. Red was staining his cheeks where tears had run, his hair was standing at ends.

"Jake." He acknowledged in a dead tone. He sounded disappointed to see me.

Although my first instinct would have been to comfort him, a surge of anger came from deep within me and I asked harshly "Why did you leave me out there ?"

He looked away, whispering "I had to take care of Rose."

"Yeah, of course I came second." I blurted out, my anger making me hot-headed.

He sighed "Of course not, but you weren't hurt." He stood up unsteadily and made a few hesitant steps towards me, probably hoping for a hug.

At that moment though, a hug was the last thing I wanted. It hadn't been easy to live in Rosalie's shadow for the whole time I had been with Emmett, to always wonder if I was better or worse than her at doing this and that. "Did you really kiss her ?"

His eyes widened, and that was the only answer I needed. There was a horrible silence and he whispered "She still loved me, and even if I don't love her that way any more, I gave her a final kiss. I'm sorry, Jake, but you have to trust me, it wasn't a loving kiss, I just – I – I wanted to say good-bye."

_Not a loving kiss_ ... Seriously ? He made to pull me into a hug, but I took a quick step back and snapped "Why don't you go hug Blondie instead ?"

His lip trembled, and red tears stained his hazel eyes. One second he was there, looking the epitome of broken, and the other he was gone.

I instantly felt guilty for being so hard when I had done more or less the same mistake many months ago, but the anger and jealousy were much more powerful. I huffed and returned downstairs, my stomach demanding to be fed.

I was in the middle of a feast of calories when Esme arrived "Jacob, do you know where Emmett is ?"

I shook my head. He would come back later and grovel, hopefully I would be in a better mood. She sighed "If you see him, can you tell him that Carlisle just discovered Rosalie left a will. She's leaving everything she had to him." Her normally gentle expression was marred with sadness that day, as she blurred away.

I swallowed the mouthful, horror-struck. Rosalie was ... dead ?

I suddenly felt very sick. '_I wanted to say good-bye_' Emmett had said. Good-bye as in farewell ?

God.

The person he had shared a life with for nearly sixty years had passed and I had been the most insensitive dick about it !

I spun around to the sink just as I threw up.

Fuck the Volturri for coming just as I was as happy as I could get. Fuck them !

I cleaned up the mess I had made in the kitchen and returned to the bedroom. I needed to talk to Emmett, but I couldn't phase to find him. I had to wait until he came back. Everything started to make sense, how broken he had looked...

Fortunately I didn't have to wait long, he appeared in the middle of the room "I can't do this, Jake. I'm not sorry I kissed her, and I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to run away either. If you hate me for it then so be it."

"Em', I'm the one who should apologize, I didn't know ... Last time I saw her, she was alive ... I'm sorry, I've always felt jealous, and after everything that happened today I couldn't think straight."

Emmett's face could have been carved out of a rock "Glad that's settled." He said simply, before plopping back down on the couch and resolutely turning his back to me.

I cursed myself. He had needed me and I had kicked him in the teeth. Now he had closed down, and I wasn't sure I would be able to make him open up again. I made my way to the couch and sat down next to him. I leaned slowly on my Imprint, and whispered "I'm sorry, Em', but you have to see my point of view. I woke up alone with none other than Paul watching me, he tells me he saw you kiss her ... I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, but please don't be angry. We've all been shaken after the fight."

He sighed and his stance melted somewhat "I know, and I'm sorry too, for leaving you there, for leaving Paul with you ..." He blinked a couple of times "But she ... She asked me to burn her and I – I just –" Words failed him.

The rest was easy to guess. Rosalie had always hated being a vampire, and having lost two arms and a leg, being burnt must have seemed like the best way out, freedom for her, the opportunity to grow into something else, to change. I stroked Emmett's hair soothingly. I couldn't imagine going through what he had done. I tried to imagine my Imprint asking me to burn him, but the thought was so absurd I couldn't really picture it.

"I'm sure she's gone to a better place, Em'. She always hated what she was, you know that ... You freed her, you did something so courageous, Emmett, I don't think many people would have had the strength to do what you did."

"Thanks ..." He whispered. We just held each other for a while, until Emmett turned to me and brought me into a bear hug "I love you so much, Jake." We enjoyed each other's touch in silence for a while.

Finally I needed to get a few things off my chest "When Felix went for you ..." I couldn't end my sentence.

"You saved my life ... Again. And Paul did too, I'll have to go thank him ... I'm sorry I left you with him, by the way, but he saved my life and seemed like a new person, and I didn't really have time to consider every possibility. We're both fine. We'll get over this, we'll have Will and then we'll get our happily ever after, you'll see."

I pulled out from the hug and clambered onto his lap, sitting on him with an arm around his shoulders. Yes, we would get our happily ever after, I could feel it too. "I think I've forgiven Paul, you know. He appeared changed to me too, and he only told me about the kiss when I insisted ..."

Emmett hummed "He saved my life, I don't have a problem with him any more. I'll be watching him when he's around you but I think I've forgiven him too. "

I squared my jaw, wishing I didn't have to say this "Esme ... She ... Hum, she said Carlisle found Rosalie's will, everything goes to you."

My Imprint swallowed thickly "I know." He said, voice shaky "She told me. I can't believe she's gone ... I can't believe I burned her ... I should have tried to save her, I should have-"

"Shh." I cut off his monologue "You made her happy, Em'. There's enough to worry and cry about, the dead are at peace, let's leave them at peace." I couldn't believe the words that came out of my mouth.

"Seth died in my arms ..." I needed to say it out loud.

Emmett brought me in closer "I liked Seth ... Damn the Volturri for ripping him from the happy life he could have had. Damn them for snatching his future away."

I agreed silently ... I was tired; again. I felt like all the deaths would hit me later because there were already too many emotions assaulting me. I fell asleep in my Imprint's lap.

* * *

I woke up, in bed, Emmett lying by my side. That's when all the pain hit me.

Alice, Jasper, Seth ... Dead. It wasn't the first time I had an experience with death. Mom had died. But I had been so young, I hadn't understood exactly what it meant.

I felt paralysed with pain. The pain wasn't physical, it was a mental anguish that clenched my insides.

I cried in Emmett's arms that morning, and he cried in mine. It was one of those times when I realized just how much having someone's shoulder to cry on meant. I wondered how I could ever have hoped to achieve this level of love with Bella.

It must have all been about sex and hormones ...

Well, that morning there was no sex or hormones, but it was the strongest bond I had ever had with anyone.

I won't lie, though, after a day spent mourning, taking care of affairs such as Rosalie's estates, I badly wanted Emmett to make love to me. Therefore, that night, when we were both in bed, I hungrily attacked my Imprint's mouth. He wasn't very responsive, but I wanted it so badly I was ready to work for it.

My optimistic approach was killed when Emmett said "Jake, I can't get excited."

I rolled off him mindful of my belly, not bothering to hide my disappointment. "Sorry, but I keep seeing their faces ..."

That had the advantage of ridding me of any remaining excitement. Instead, we spent the evening cuddling, which was almost as good.


	56. The Night I Remember

**Warning : Heavy angst warning for chapters 56, 57 and 58 (and I mean **_**heavy**_**)**

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**Chapter LVI : THE NIGHT I REMEMBER**

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The tragedy that occurred cut deeper than any of us thought. Sue and Leah were inconsolable. Sam and Embry despised Bella for causing the death of four of their pack mates. Carlisle and Esme's faces were marked with sadness and closed to all happiness. Edward and Bella had whisked their daughter off to the cabin and were living there.

Emmett was a shadow of his former self. He seemed to have lost the energy to live, and his trademark dimpled grin was nowhere to be seen. He went about his routines, an expression of pain etched on his face. Any attempt to arouse him was pointless ... Not that I tried often, Seth's death hit me hard. I kept expecting the young man to barge in, with his usual overflow of energy and happiness.

What was hardest wasn't really the absence of our loved ones. The worst was realizing that they would never laugh with us again, we would never be able to talk with them again, we would never see them appear from a corner with a grin up to their ears.

As the weeks went on, though, the pain slowly faded away. A month after the fight, Emmett started smiling shyly from time to time, and that little bit of life in him transported me into happiness. We would get over this. No matter how unlikely it seemed at the time, I knew we would be happy again.

A month later still, my entire brain seemed focused on the pregnancy. I spent most of the day sitting or lying down, and everything else had to be done excruciatingly slowly. Sometimes I would be seething at being bed-ridden, while at other times I would love nothing more than to lie by Emmett's side, talking or enjoying each other's simple presence.

It seemed Will was slowly bringing the empty mansion back to life. Renesmee had grown overly fond of pressing her hands to my belly and feel the baby inside – something I let her do reluctantly, her icy hands weren't Emmett's and therefore not really welcome. Bella, who seemed, for the first time since I had known her, fixated on something other than her own happiness; to be precise, she loved her daughter and my future son and wanted above anything else to make sure they were happy.

The attention I was receiving was partly unwanted, but my paternal instincts made me indescribably proud of the life growing in me, and I couldn't resist cooing and taking in all the flattery. Edward was now Will's official voice, telling us how comfortable Will was in my belly, how warm it was, and how loved he already felt.

Esme was slowly brought back to life as she switched on to mother mode. Renesmee, who now spent a lot of her time at the mansion, required human feeding and monitoring, something the old vampire was glad to provide. She also made sure I had everything I wanted, although that wasn't difficult as Emmett never failed to take care of me.

Carlisle on the other hand had switched on to doctor mode. He spent his hours either working hard at the hospital or monitoring my condition. He argued that the last month would be the most dangerous, and that extra caution wouldn't be amiss. He also studied Renesmee shamelessly as some lab rat, measuring, prodding, investigating any chance he got.

I had also consented to let him sample a few cells from my son, and the studies of those took a great deal of his time. It seemed Will had both the wolf gene and the additional vampiric chromosome. I didn't really care, I knew I would love my son however and whoever he was. If Imprinting on Emmett taught me one thing, it was that we do not choose who we are nor who we love. Emmett agreed whole-heartedly.

I was afraid that my Imprint would worry about the vampiric nature of the baby, seeing as it meant potential additional risks for me, but he seemed to have taken Dad's advice to heart: as long as I was fat and healthy, all would be well. Hence, he did everything humanly possible to keep me fat and healthy ...

Problem was, no matter how many calories I ate, it wasn't enough. I didn't put on a gram of fat, and I knew I was actually losing weight very slowly. Carlisle had noticed a slow decrease in my blood sugar, but was so far remaining optimistic. He said that there would be about a month left until I delivered, and if my blood sugar decreased at the same pace all the way until the end, I wouldn't be in any danger at all.

That, on the other hand, wasn't enough for Emmett. He kept finding ingenious ways to feed me enormous amounts of calories while keeping the food delicious and not sickening. I tried my best to eat as much as possible, but my appetite was slowly declining, something that secretly worried me. How was I supposed to eat more and more and more if I wasn't hungry .. ? I had rarely been _not_ hungry, and in those rare times there had been much more important matters than eating.

But now I was facing another problem entirely; I started to feel perpetually sated. Sated, me. I knew it was crucial that I kept my energy levels up though, so I ate steadfastly and kept my mouth shut about my worries. We all knew the last month might be difficult, and I certainly wasn't going to whine and let Emmett think 'I told you so'.

* * *

Unfortunately things didn't go as planned. Problems started one month after the battle.

Ironic how, in recent months, when things went better they also went bad. Well, I should say in recent years, really. Emmett falls in love with me, but he goes off to kill Victoria, saving my life. We are allowed one month together before Paul messes everything up. Emmett and I forgive each other, and immediately after I start fucking things up. I'm able to repair the broken crockery and I discover I'm pregnant...

I won't say I never got a chance to be happy. No, the last months with my Imprint have been the best of my life, without hesitation.

Still, fate had a morbid interest in my life. We finally start to see the light at the end of the long tunnel of pain and loss, Emmett starts smiling, and at the same moment my health declines.

At first, I simply hoped I'd get better again, that there would be no need to worry my beloved Imprint.

After a week, I couldn't hide the shivering. I was starting to feel cold. In those times two kinds of cold shook me. Despite the quickly approaching summer, the temperature was very low, and the Cullen's mansion's lack of heat, that was the first cold. The second one was different, it was the kind of cold that fills you when you're scared, when you feel your heart clench and your legs erupt in goosebumps as a cold dread grips you.

Dad had been very clear. As long as I felt warm I wasn't in trouble, but if I didn't, there was reason to start worrying.

Exactly one month and one week after the fight, Emmett and I were in bed. He was holding me, but his cold skin only added to my already low internal temperature. I felt he was completely relaxed, confident in the future. I, on the other hand, had my eyes clenched shut and was desperately trying to find a way to break the news; I was cold.

That's when I started shivering, and I couldn't stop it. My Imprint immediately felt it, being naked against me "Jake ? Are you cold ?" His voice sounded worried.

That's the moment my teeth chose to start chattering "Y-e-s." I stammered, trying to control my thrice damned mouth. I flexed my muscles in an effort to keep myself warm. I couldn't even remember ever being this cold.

"Fuck !" Emmett muttered before I felt him literally fly away from me. I rolled onto myself, clutching at the quilt to avoid any heat loss. He didn't disappear for long, soon he was back with an incredibly thick cover that he draped over me, a pair of fluffy socks he quickly slipped onto my feet and a pair of loose pyjama pants I scrambled into.

I felt my tremors slowly disappear as the heat quickly accumulated, and I relaxed my stance. That was the first night in months that I fell asleep without feeling Emmett against me; he was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall.

* * *

The next days, things only got worse. Carlisle discovered that my blood sugar had dropped all of a sudden, the same time as my appetite did. No amount of coaxing helped Emmett shovel food down my throat; I was feeling sick and full all the time. Even lightening the caloric intake of his meals didn't help to make me eat more.

Carlisle started giving me daily injections in a relatively desperate attempt at restoring my energy, but they only made me feel sicker, and I'd eat even less, so there was not really any point. To my horror, Carlisle suggested I tried drinking blood. His reasoning was sound; it had worked for Bella, why not me ?

I doubt I'll ever forget the disgusting metallic taste that clung to my throat hours after I had to sip a huge amount of the thick red fluid. I was more or less certain it wouldn't help, but I wasn't about to refuse to try. Well, it didn't help.

Carlisle, helpless once too many in too little time was edgy. Esme was worried but tried her best not to show it. Emmett roughly shooed Edward, Bella and Renesmee away, making it very clear they were to stay at their cabin until it was over.

Emmett ... He was incredible, my personal bright flame in these days. He applied a meticulous application at keeping me warm and fed at all times. He smiled, and I somehow knew the smile wasn't a fake one.

To this day, I'm not sure how Emmett did it, or even what he was thinking. My most probably theory is that he accepted the risk of the pregnancy all those months ago, and simply went with it. I think he accepted I might die, and strove to make me the happiest man on earth. It brings tears of joys to my eyes to think that his mission was a success. Despite it all, he kept me as happy as I could be.

My own worry quickly faded, following Emmett's example. After the first night, he came to lie next to me, even though there was a thick cover between us. He arranged for a heater to be placed in the bedroom, and for a while that was enough: tons of clothes, a heater and heavy quilts at night.

He kept a constant stream of positive thoughts, plans for the future, for our son. I noticed he always involved both of us in his plans, as though scoffing at the idea of anything happening to me, as though he knew I would be perfectly fine. In my heart, I could feel my body failing as Will took from me the life he needed, but Emmett's optimism was enough to convince my brain. That was all I could hope for.

I won't say there weren't some hard times. Nights were the worse. I sometimes couldn't help but wonder if I would die. I couldn't help but think that at nineteen I would die carrying my beloved's child. I couldn't help but wish I would live, I couldn't help but hope I would live, I couldn't help but feel I was too young to die. Still, Emmett gave me two things above all else, love and hope. Because I would never stop loving, I would never stop hoping, and I would never stop fighting. Until my heart stopped beating ... and maybe after.

Those nights were the worse. Emmett couldn't hold me, and I know, I _know_ he felt my distress. But there was nothing either of us could do, and in those moments even my Imprint's skills met their match as he was powerless, having to witness my imprisonment within my own head, trapped by my very own thoughts.

That isn't what I want to remember, though. There was one night, that started exceptionally bad but that ended up being the best. That was the night, I told myself, that I would remember if things went badly. That was the night I would carry forever in my memories.

The night started as all other nights began at that time. Me, wrapped in a thick blanket with a pair of pyjama pants, socks and a hoodie. Emmett, spooned against me, his skin a few centimetres from me yet inaccessible.

Me, tortured by doubts and questions. Emmett, spooned against me, helpless.

That night I started shivering despite the covers, heater and clothes.

"Are you cold ?" He asked in a gentle voice.

I nodded, refusing to turn around. There was nothing he could do, and I thought he knew that. Adding clothes wouldn't change anything, turning the heater up wouldn't change anything. Once fear sets in, no amount of heat will make you feel warm. What I discovered that night was that a small amount of love could.

I heard him go to the bathroom and close the door behind himself. I couldn't help wondering if I had walked Emmett to desperation, if he was starting to crack under the pressure. I should have known better than to think my Imprint was giving up on me.

He reappeared a few minutes later, naked and wet. I was about to ask what the hell he was planning when he scooped me up from bed and carried me into the bathroom. My hands closed around his neck and I melted onto him; his skin was warm. I could barely believe it. I remember thinking I might be suffering from delusions, but I was quickly proven wrong.

He put me down in the bathroom and asked me to take my clothes off, before he came back with the heater and set it at full blast. He closed the door and helped my unsteady body out of the layers of clothes.

Then he lowered himself into the water and told me to climb in with him. The water was hot. The water was hot, but more importantly, his skin really was warm !

I curled up on top of my Imprint. A bath had never felt that good. Heat was seeping into me by every available pore on my skin, but it wasn't only the hot water. I felt so loved and supported, Emmett erased all my fears and worries as I let him hold me.

I was in the warm cocoon of his strong arms and infinite love.


	57. William Black LaCroix

**Warning : Heavy Angst, Slight Gore. **

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**Chapter LVII : WILLIAM BLACK LACROIX**

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They say that facing death makes your life flash before your eyes. Well, they're wrong.

Except for a couple surprises, life carried on for Emmett and me. My condition didn't get worse, thank God, it was already bad enough as it was. There weren't any other hot baths, I think both of us wanted to keep that single one in our memories.

That night still makes me so happy I could fly. I fell asleep in my Imprint's warm arms, and woke up in my Imprint's warm arms. How the hell he kept the water hot without waking me up I will never know, but it doesn't really matter. The point is, he did it.

One of the surprises I mentioned was Paul. He arrived one day at the mansion, looking incredibly nervous and shy, something I had never seen on him. I knew Emmett had gone over to apologize a while ago, but I thought Paul would have left. Either I was wrong or he was back.

He admitted dejectedly that he just couldn't stay away from me after getting back into contact, and that he would like to stay as a friend. He offered with whatever he could do to help, and I couldn't find it in my heart to refuse.

Quickly he set camp in Alice's room, explaining he couldn't stand his parents or the pack any longer. Esme, after making sure he was reformed, was delighted to take on the motherly role, and succeeded bringing a smile back to Paul's tired features.

There wasn't much he could help with, really, except entertain Emmett and me. Well, that's not entirely true. There was one thing he could do; keep me warm.

As much as Emmett always insisted Paul sit next to me, to share his heat. Truth be told, I was loathe to have Paul in my personal space when Emmett was around. When Emmett left to hunt for example I would find in Paul a good friend, but when my Imprint was around I was very careful to keep my distances. It seemed crucial that no one got any ideas and the last thing I wanted was to let Emmett think ... anything.

Nights were better. Since the warm bath, I felt so wrapped in Emmett's love that I let any worries go. Like he said, whatever happened happened and we would deal with it then.

Dad visited a couple times, but I felt as though I was on my death bed and I found myself hoping he would stay away. He talked in hushed tones, almost as though I was already dead and buried for God's Sake ! I know he said being cold was really bad news but still, I would be damned if I was going to give up !

Anyway, he had found some information about the last stage of the pregnancy he shared with us; once it was time to ... 'open up', so to speak, Will would start kicking repeatedly, at which point we'd have about 24 hours to get him out.

After he told me that piece of information my worries and doubts came back, each time Will kicked I would verge on panic; thankfully his kicking was sporadic.

Well, until the fateful day when Will started kicking at my ribs repeatedly. I groaned in pain and fell to my knees, holding my swollen belly.

"Jake, what's happening ?" Emmett and Paul immediately jumped to my side, worriedly.

I had to wait until Will's rib-bashing session subsided before I could say with a dreadful sense of finality "It's time."

Paul sprang to his feet "I'll call doc' !" while Emmett gently helped me up. Carlisle had decided to continue his work at the hospital, making sure he was never tied up doing anything for too long in case I needed him. He had stopped performing surgeries and such, for example.

"Do you want something to eat Jake ?" Emmett asked hopefully, knowing full well I was sick of food, but hoping to cram a last meal before the doc' operated.

I managed to stuff some rich chocolate cake down my throat, Emmett's choice of food; he argued that I needed something quickly metabolised, I didn't want a meal full of rice that would be stuck in my stomach for the next twelve hours.

Paul showed up while I shoved a last mouthful of cake, feeling increasingly sick, and said "Carlisle says he'll be here in about two hours and ready to go in three. He says to make sure Emmett has fed and that Jake is warm." My imprint and I nodded, we already knew that, Carlisle had briefed us a while ago.

Emmett had taken to hunt daily, which he found easier to do now that Paul was watching over me, and he had hunted that same morning, but I suspected he would slip into the study to down a pouch of blood to be on the safe side. Keeping me warm was a whole other matter. It was fairly easy to keep me ... 'not cold', but warm was difficult. I would have no other choice but to stick close to Paul ... I wished to God I could have spent the last three hours alone with my Imprint, but I wasn't about to take any risks.

I was surprised. Paul had become incredibly considerate, something I appreciated quite a lot. I found myself squeezed between the two burly guys, Paul shirtless pressed behind my back and a terrific source of heat and Emmett in front of me, holding my hands and stroking them slowly with his thumb. Paul put on a pair of ear-plugs and turned on his iPod, telling us he wouldn't listen in if we wanted some privacy. He looked out of the window, jaw squared, and on an impulse I reached out to stroke his cheek, thanking him simply but hoping he would understand my gratitude. His eyes softened as he turned back to me "You're welcome."

After that it was just Emmett and me in our heated bubble. I turned back to my Imprint and words stuck in my throat. I didn't know what to say. I knew there were a lot of risks involved, I knew there was a risk I wouldn't survive, but I didn't know how to begin to thank Emmett.

Finally I settled on a simple "Thank you." Although this time it felt ridiculously little compared to what I wanted to say.

"Jake, don't thank me, please. Anything I did was because I love you with all my heart, and you can't thank me for loving you." He answered after a beat, his voice low but strong.

I sniffed, unable to ward the emotions off as Emmett could "You were right, you know. You ended up having to take care of me, having to put everything aside so you could comfort me. I'm sorry –"

"Jake –" He cut me off, but I held my hand up.

"Please, I need to say this. I'm sorry you had to put everything aside for me, but I want you to know that the past months with you have been paradise on Earth for me. And I want you to know that if I pull through this, I'll make sure to reciprocate, I'll be the one to take care of everything, I swear."

He shook his head "Jake, you don't need to swear. If you pull through we'll be together, and that's more than enough for me. We'll take care of each other as we always have, and we'll take care of our son, we'll spoil William rotten and make sure he grows up to be a great man just like his dad."

"His dads." I corrected.

Emmett grinned "Oh, I wasn't aware there was another great man other than me around ..."

I chuckled "Dork !" I let the playful mood linger in the air for a little while before I grew serious again "I love you, Emmett. I have loved you for almost two years, and whatever happens I'll still love you more than anything else."

His smile faltered. We both knew what I was implying. Whether in this life or the next, I would love and watch over him "I know you have, I know you do, and I know you will." He said almost sadly before adding, mirroring my words "Whatever happens I'll still love you."

We hugged awkwardly with Paul behind my back, and I let all my worries and doubts pour into that intense relationship we had, into the blissful contact we shared.

* * *

Ironically, when you want time to slow down, it slips between your fingers. Before I knew it, Carlisle was there and ready. My heart hammering, I walked hand in hand with Emmett to the doc's study. Paul joined us and settled in the back of the room, seemingly trying to disappear into the wall. Only Carlisle was missing, he was tending to some last minute details.

Carlisle had us all disinfected thoroughly before he allowed us into the 'surgery' part of the study that he had prepared.

I climbed onto the operating table with shaky arms but kept my shirt on as long as possible, I was afraid to freeze otherwise. My tongue seemed stuck to my palate, not a word would come out of my mouth.

Emmett took hold of one of my hands and gripped it hard, anchoring me into his reality "I'm here, Jake, it's alright. Before you know it'll be over and you'll be able to hold our son in your arms. You've been so brave getting here, my love."

I nodded jerkily, before swallowing thickly. I doubt even Emmett would have been able to make me feel at ease at that moment.

Carlisle arrived, and I was relieved to see he was all business, but smiling encouragingly "Right, everything is ready. I've got blood ready for transfusion in case you lose too much during the operation, adrenaline in case you need a little nudge or are too tired. There is a bit of bad news though, I don't dare put you to sleep, I can't take the risk you won't wake up." He squared his jaw "I'm going to give you a local anaesthetic, but that's the best I can do. You're going to have to look away, I'm afraid."

My head felt dizzy all of a sudden. I hadn't really pictured the operation itself, but now that he mentioned it, I realized I should have seen this coming. I nodded again, before turning towards Emmett. He didn't disappoint, grabbing a nearby chair he sat so that he was right beside me. "It's alright, I'll keep you distracted."

If I could have talked I would have expressed my infinite gratitude. Carlisle took up "Right, I'm going to give you the anaesthetic, and I want you to turn away. Don't look until I tell you to, I won't tell you when I start or when I finish. Just keep looking at Emmett and you'll be fine, you won't feel a thing." With that he lifted my T-shirt and I took it off.

I felt the injection's sting, but after that everything was incredibly numb. To make sure I didn't look or turn my head as a reflexive response, Emmett took a strong hold of my head and pressed a delicate kiss to my mouth. After that he kept a tight hold to my head, for which I was grateful, I didn't need to worry about seeing anything by mistake.

Carlisle wasn't entirely right. I did feel something. I felt the skin of my pectorals being pulled on, but I didn't even want to imagine what it meant. I also felt my own blood trickle down my waist; a singularly freakish experience. I also smelled the acrid scent of blood and disinfectant.

I kept a stoic face throughout the operation. The only worry I really had was for the lack of a baby's cry and my heart rate which was slowing down.

I don't know how long it took. I kept my eyes fixated on Emmett's while he made small talk. From the corner of my eye I saw Paul's terrified look, but I refused to dwell on it.

My vision dimmed somewhat and I had to blink a few times to clear it up. Still my heart slowed.

"Jake, come on, stay with me." Emmett demanded as he slapped my cheek a few times. I snapped back to focus and took a deep breath.

Emmett had to bring me back from my drifting a few times before we heard Will wail loudly.

It was incredibly difficult not to look, particularly as I couldn't help but notice Emmett stole a glance and grinned from ear to ear. "Will is coming, Jake, you'll get him in your arms very soon !" My Imprint exclaimed, the excitement evident in his voice.

I smiled tiredly, I could feel my heart rate slowing yet. My breathing became difficult.

"Ok, don't move your head, Jake, I'm going to give your son to Emmett while I close everything up." Carlisle said, his voice tense.

I closed my eyes shut to avoid any silly mistake. I was doing good. My heart rate was slowing but Will was out and I would heal now. I had to.

"Jake !" Emmett exclaimed, slapping my cheek again, and I realized I had almost dozed off "Come on Jake, stay awake." With those firm words he brought into view the cutest infant I had ever seen.

My heart lurched at the sight of my son. _My son_. His eyes fell on me and I saw the molten gold eyes I had dreamt about. My son was beautiful "Will ..." I sighed in relief and glee.

Emmett, after letting me stroke my son's bald head with a hesitant hand, gave him over to Paul who wrapped him in a warm blanket and held him close to his heart. I forcefully detached my gaze from my son. _My son _!

My heart rate slowed down. My breathing was becoming difficult. "Em' ..." I let out, my voice hoarse.

"I'm here. You've done great, Jake, hang in there."

My heart rate was slowing down still and I knew what was going to happen. I was dying. I took a few breaths before saying "Em', I love you." My eyes filled with tears as I laboured over those three short words that meant so much.

My angelic Imprint seemed to realize what was happening, for his eyes widened before they turned a slight shade of red from unshed tears "Come on, Jake, stay with me ! You're almost done, come on !"

I took another few breaths "Em' ... Please ... Promise me ... You'll ... be happy ..." I exhaled, feeling breath and life leaving my body. I needed to know I could leave this world without destroying his life. I needed to know he would live on happily for Will.

"Jake, no ..." He pleaded, his lip trembling, still trying to fight the inevitable.

Carlisle pitched in, his voice alarmed "I've closed everything but his heart rate is much too low ! Jacob, I need you to stay conscious. I'm going to give you the injection of adrenaline !" I felt the stab as the doctor fought for my survival.

The liquid had no effect "Em' ... Could you ... Tell Will ... About me ?" I rasped shyly, hoping I would be remembered, hoping my son would know I existed, hoping he knew I loved him before I even knew him.

Emmett was now crying, red tears flowing down his white cheeks. He strove to produce a small smile "Of course, I'll tell him about his handsome dad. But you're staying with me, Jake, you're not leaving me !"

I blinked a few times. My vision was turning black, my body was going numb "I'm ... sorry ... I ... love ... you." Were the last words I managed.

"Jake, NO !" Emmett cried as he threw himself in my arms "Jake ! JAKE ! JAKE ! STAY WITH ME ! PLEASE !" He kept crying. I felt him against me and my heart was filled with love as I slowly embraced death. "Jake ... Please ..." Emmett was now openly sobbing on me "I love you too much ... Stay with me ... Please." He pleaded.

My life didn't flash before my eyes. Emmett's love was the only thing that I remember from this life.

My world toppled over to darkness.


	58. Alone yet Again

Answers to reviews: ADB and Ben - Thanks for your reviews ! AnonymousAgain - You'll get all the answers you seek in this chapter, I believe (well, maybe a couple more will come with chapter 59 ...) - I think I caused sleepless nights to quite a few people ... I'm afraid Jake won't be reincarnated later, I'm not planning a sequel for this story, 60 chapters will have to be enough ! - Thank y'all for the reviews !

**Warning : Very Heavy Angst.**

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**Chapter LVIII : ALONE YET AGAIN**

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It took a moment for my brain to process the fact that Jacob, my mate, had died in my arms. When it finally did compute that my beloved wolf was gone, I wheeled around, desperately wanting to hold my son.

I saw something that I really did not want to deal with; Paul was staring fixedly at Will, with a mixed look of admiration and surprise. I sighed inwardly, both relieved my son would have a guardian angel and disappointed that person had to be Paul.

Carlisle was switching all the equipment off, and the shrilling sound indicating Jake's heart failure mercifully disappeared. The doc' strode out, looking unbelieving. I knew Jake had grown on him, but this was also quite the wound to his pride, I couldn't remember the last time Carlisle had come home stating he had lost someone in surgery ...

"Paul, can I have my son ?" I asked in a defeated tone, pulling him out of his reverie. He jumped, mumbling something that sounded like 'yes, of course', handed me Will and strode out too.

My son was asleep, and despite the blinding pain in my heart, I couldn't help but smile sadly at how cute Will was, curled up in his blanket. I carefully stroked one of his tiny hands, which reflexively closed around my thumb. He gave a tiny kick in his sleep before settling against my chest, still holding my thumb with surprising strength for one so small.

The pain in my chest was numbing somewhat when I was holding my son. It was like I was in a tiny bubble without past, present or future.

Eventually, though, I had to return to the cold reality; and when I did, I had to keep from falling to my knees in pain.

I left the study and tracked down Paul, giving him Will back and telling him to take care of him. If the infinitely grateful look I received and near-worshipping expression he had when his eyes turned to Will, I thought I could trust him. There was something I needed to do. I blurred back to the office, and for the first time since his heart stopped, my eyes fell on Jacob.

I was beyond tears. I wasn't even sure I had completely realized what had happened, because how could it have ? I had survived the fight, I had put everything aside so he could live and be happy, but it hadn't been enough. Somewhere, somehow, I had failed him; the thought was unbearable.

A wave of pain hit me again, and this time I wasn't able to stay on my feet, I fell to my knees, whispering the name of the man I loved so much "Jake ..."

I swallowed. No tears were coming. How could I face the cold eternity without him by my side ? How could I so much as consider to continue to endure without his grin, without his love to fuel me ?

I stayed on my knees for a long while, and anyone coming in would have thought I was praying. I guess I was, in a way. Despite the fact that I lacked the belief in a god, I could still pray. I had no idea for what. I didn't believe in after life, and I knew my love had died happily and relatively peacefully.

I could pray for the strength to carry on. Did I even want to carry on ?

First Rosalie, now Jake ... And Alice, and Jasper, and Seth, and all the others ... So much death.

I stood back up and I spotted a lighter on Carlisle's desk. An insane thought crossed my mind. I could let it all go. With one flick I would be burning, and within a second I would be dead.

All those years ago, when I had tried to commit suicide, it had all seemed so evident, the path beneath my feet had been clear. A young man's broken heart amplified everything ten-fold ...

I picked the lighter up, gnawing at my lip. I turned to take a look at my love.

After all, why not ? Who would miss me, really ? Carlisle and Esme would get over my passing. I had no real family save my son who didn't really know me. Will would miss me in the future, and probably hate me for it ... But he would have Paul, he wouldn't be alone. Whereas I would be.

I returned to my wolf's side, tears starting to come to my eyes. I would be alone for the years to come. I didn't want to be alone, I wasn't one to thrive in loneliness, I needed someone by my side. And now the person who I had wanted by my side was gone.

I gripped the lighter tightly, terribly tempted by this one selfish act. '_Em' ... Please ... Promise me ... You'll ... be happy ..._' How could Jake ask that of me ? He knew better than most how impossible it could be to find happiness in certain situations ... Those months spent far from each other ... Such a waste. What an idiot I have been ...

'_Em' ... Could you ... Tell Will ... About me ?_' He had also asked ... I could leave Paul to tell my son about us, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be there for him dammit ! I didn't want my son to grow up fatherless, and I wanted to keep an eye on that stupid wolf who had imprinted on him.

I crumpled the lighter in my palm and sent it flying, before turning to Jake again, and this time I scowled.

Selfish bastard.

All my emotions changed and suddenly I wanted nothing more than smash that gorgeous face in. How could he leave me alone ?! How could he be so fucking selfish ?! I wanted to hate him !

"YOU MADE THAT CHOICE ALONE !" I bellowed in the empty study, my chest heaving as I was invaded by a blinding rage. I kicked at a coffee table near Carlisle's desk, sending it crashing against the wall and shattering it.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME !" I roared before bringing my fist down on a nearby chair, making shards of wood fly in every direction.

"I HATE YOU !" I yelled at him with all the power of my voice, knowing fully well it wasn't true. I hated how he made me feel. I hated having considered suicide because of this mess, I hated the pain in my chest that wouldn't go away, I hated having been left behind to deal with all the feelings while he didn't have to feel _anything_ any longer.

I was left alone to feel. And feel I did.

The wind fuelling my rage abated and I was left with an utter emptiness as I crumpled to the floor, sobbing, and repeating "Why ? Why ?"

* * *

I don't know how long I stayed on the floor, but I remember that at one point I wondered what Jake, Rosalie, my brother and parents would think of me if they saw me there, a sobbing mess. I stood up and steeled my heart. There were things to be done, things I wanted done, things I wanted to do myself; starting by taking care of the man I loved one final time.

Feeling hollow, floating in ether as though I was some ghost whose sustenance had disappeared, I went about to pick up a large bowl and fill it with warm water. I stripped Jacob's body of all clothing and slowly cleaned him from head to toe.

I started with his brow, unwrinkled and young despite everything he had gone through. I moved the smooth, wet sponge to his plump cheeks, which were usually drawn back in a goofy smile. I closed his eyes, trying to imagine him sleeping, as I had spent countless nights watching him sleep beside me.

I swallowed and felt tears build up, but I blinked them away. I moved to his delicate, pink lips before carefully tracing his jawline. As I sponged the light gore off his chest, I felt the heat leave him, and it was hard not to break down as the reality slowly started to sink in; he was dead. Never again would he warm me up, never again would he lie by my side, thrumming with life. Never again would he tell me he loved me.

"God, I love you so much, Jake ..." I whispered, finally letting the tears fall.

Lov_ed_. I lov_ed_ him so much. I might as well accept it, he was gone.

It took all my courage to keep cleaning his luscious body. The scars from the procedure were gone ... His wolf must have healed them before he too, passed.

I spent a lot of time cleaning his belly, where blood had apparently flown quite a lot and some had encrusted itself in the skin. On the other hand, I spent as little time as possible on his groin, and quickly moved to his strong thighs and calves.

Before I knew it, I was done, and I had to face the fact that good-byes couldn't last forever. I pushed back the moment when I would have to speak final words and went to pick up the suit my lover kept in the bedroom.

Once he was clothed smartly, his hair was brushed and his arms were crossed on his stomach; I felt my lips tremble and my face twist in pain. I didn't want to say good-bye, I didn't want to say farewell.

After some time, with tears streaking down my face, I bent over my lover's sleeping form and pressed a last delicate kiss to his mouth "Good-bye, Jake." I whispered, before adding dejectedly "I'm so sorry I failed you." And I broke down, again.

This time I didn't sob on the floor. This time I cried silently, standing over the body, holding one of his hands tightly in my hand.

I needed to walk away but I couldn't, I _couldn't_ !

In the end, I did walk away. My legs were made of lead and each step took so much energy that I didn't think I would reach the door. Or maybe I simply didn't want to. Maybe I simply wanted to stay there, with the man I loved, and wish I could follow him wherever he went, wishing I could fall asleep by his side.

I stepped out of the study and closed the door behind me, feeling as though I was leaving a part of myself in there. Still, I walked back to my room, desiring nothing less than the luxury to wallow in my own grief. I wanted to close my eyes and remember all the good times. I wanted to remember, I wanted to remember and never forget.

I crawled onto my bed and did just that. I forced my memory to recall every single moment and every single detail.

That night at the movies when Jacob imprinted on me. He had been full of a foolish bravado that had impressed me.

That day when he blurted out we were soul mates, the half-hopeful smile nascent on his face as he probed for my reaction.

That morning when he woke up, finding me in his bedroom, and his whole face lit up.

A succession of meetings, which all left me happy and giddy with a sort of adolescent joy at doing something wrong. Every time I arrived his whole face would light up, and I had thought that no one in my whole life was as happy to see me every day as him.

That week in London, his hope at being allowed to sleep by my side, the unease as I witnessed the flowering of new feelings I didn't think I would be able to reciprocate.

The time he spent comforting me after Rose left, no matter how harshly I lashed out, no matter how long it took. The feeling that he was there, a constant in my life, an anchor.

The slow warping of my feelings, developing a profound love that Victoria very nearly ruined. His spending a whole month watching over me, taking care of me although I might never have come back.

That awkward month filled with sexual tension when neither of us dared make the first move.

Those dreadful times after Paul messed with our relationship; but more importantly the radiating joy at being together once more.

The blissful stay at my French estate and the hard fall as I witnessed Jacob's mistakes.

The slow healing of the deep wounds as he finally realized how badly he was hurting our love.

The pregnancy.

Life.

Death.

* * *

A/N : Chapter 59 on Thursday ! Apologies for the short chapter ..


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